Augustine: Earlier Writings (continued)
THE SOLILOQUIES 39 but Wisdom; all else we sought and desired only for the sake of Wisdom? How sordid, how base, how execrable, how horrible the embrace of a woman seemed to you when we were discussing the desire for marriage! But as you lay awake last night and the same question arose, you found it was very different with you than you had supposed. Imagined fond Ungs and bitter sweetness tickled your fancy, much less than formerly, of course, but far more than you had supposed. In that way the mysterious physician was teaching you two things; how you can evade his care, and what remains to be cured.
26. A,—Oh, be silent, be silent I beseech you! Why do you torture me? Why do you cut so deep? I am not too hardened for weeping. Now I promise nothing, I presume nothing. Do not ask me about these things. You say that he whom I burn to see knows when I am healed. Let him do what he pleases. Let him show himself when he pleases. I commit myself wholly to his care and clemency. Once for all I have accepted the belief that he will not cease to aid those who have set their affections on him. I shall never again say anything about my healing until I see spiritual beauty. R.—Do as you say, but restrain your tears and brace your mind. You have wept much, and that is not good for your chest-trouble. A.—You wish me to set a limit to my tears though I see no limit to my misery. You bid me consider my bodily health when I am myself consumed with wasting. But I pray you, if you do anything for me, try to lead me by some short-cut to a place near to that light where, if I have made any progress, I may be able to bear it, so that I may be reluctant to go back to the darkness which I have left—if indeed I may be said to have left it—and which soothes my blindness.
XV, 27. R,—Let us conclude, if you please, this first Book, so that in a second Book we may start on a suitable path if we can find one; for we must give you in your frame of mind some moderate exercise. A.—I shall not allow this Book to be concluded unless you give me a gUmpse of what I am seeking, if it be only of something near the light. R.—l see the physician is treating you in his accustomed way. Some brightness touches me and invites me along a way in which I may lead you. So listen carefully, yl.—Lead on and take me where you wish.
R,—You say you want to know the soul and God? ^.—That is my whole enterprise, i?.—Nothing more? ^4.—Nothing whatever, i?.—Well. You want to know Truth. A.—As if I could know anything without that, /e.—Therefore, that must be first