Augustine in His Own Words
self with virtuous shame, he turned his eyes to his friend and said to him: "Tell me, I beg of you, what goal do we hope to achieve with all these efforts of ours? What are we looking for? What reason have we for engaging in public service? Could our aspiration at the court be anything greater than to become 'friends of Caesar'?39 And what is not unstable and full of danger in that position? Through how many dangers must one go to reach a greater danger? And when will one reach it? Now, if I wish, I can be a friend of God immediately."
He said this and, in the throes of giving birth to a new life, he looked again at the text. As he read, he was changed within, in the part which You saw. His mind withdrew from the world, as soon became evident. For while he read and his heart surged up and down, he groaned at times as he made his decision. He decided in favor of the better, being now Yours, and said to his friend: "I have just divorced myself from that ambition of ours and have determined to serve God. I shall begin this service from this hour and in this place. If you do not care to do likewise, do not speak in opposition." The other man replied that he would join his companion for so great a reward and so important a service. The two men then began building their tower for You (Lk 14:28), making the necessary outlay, leaving all their possessions and following You. . . . Both men were engaged to be married. When their fiancées heard about this, they also dedicated their virginity to You.40
Augustine's Conversion
Few scenes in Western literature are more famous than the following account of Augustine's conversion. After hearing the stories of Antony and of the government agents, Augustine was shaken to the core. He tells how he wandered out of the house to a nearby garden and there heard a child's voice instructing him to read. The account is highly stylized, full of self-conscious literary echoes and laced with numerous Psalm texts.41 From Confessions, Book 8:
39. "Friends of Caesar" (amici imperatoris): A circle of elite office holders around the emperor. While these "friends" enjoyed great power and other amenities, there were also great dangers, given the intrigues at court and the periodic coups d'état in the late Roman Empire.
40. Conf. 8.6.14–6.15 (CCL 27:121–23); trans. Bourke, FOTC 21:209–12. 41. The classic study is by Pierre Courcelle, Recherches sur les Confessions de saint Augustin, 2nd ed. (Paris: E. de Boccard, 1968). Courcelle's analysis revolutionized our understanding of the literary threads and sources for this scene. For a balanced assessment of its historicity, see Aimé Solignac, "Historicité des Confessions," Les Confessions, BA 13 (1992): 55–84; John J. O'Meara, "Augustine's Confessions: Elements of Fiction," in Joanne McWilliam, ed., Augustine: From Rhetor to Theologian (Waterloo, ON: Wilfrid Laurier University Press, 1992), 77–96; and Henry Chadwick, "History and Symbolism in the Garden at Milan," in From Augustine to Eriugena: Essays on Neoplatonism and Christianity in Honor of John O'Meara, ed. F. X. Martin and J. A. Richmond (Washington, DC: The Catholic University of America Press, 1991), 42–55.