Personality profile · page 797
Few people in history have experienced the kind of tragedy that crushed Job. He lost everything. His children were killed, his possessions and wealth were taken, his wife turned her back on him, and his health was broken—all in a matter of days. Upon learning of Job’s difficulties, some of his friends came to heip. Eliphaz, Bildad, and Zophar were shocked when they found Job. They wept for him. They tore their clothes and put dust on their heads in acts of sorrow. Then they sat in silence with Job for seven days. Why did his friends remain silent for so long? One ancient Jewish tradition teaches that people who come to comfort someone in mourning should not speak until the mourner speaks. That is a wise tradition, for often the best response to another person’s suffering is to say nothing. If Job’s losses were his first test and his painful boils his second, then his friends provided a third and perhaps most frustrating test. When Job finally vented his grief, each of the friends took turns attempting to explain Job’s agony. They heard Job’s questions as arrogant claims of not deserving such suffering rather than expressions of deep grief and misunderstanding. They offered answers that only served to make Job’s pain go deeper. Eliphaz appealed to personal experience; Bildad pointed to universal wisdom; and Zophar declared what he felt was common sense. They all agreed that Job's problems were his own doing and that questioning God simply made matters worse. The harder Eliphaz, Bildad, and Zophar tried to explain Job’s suffering, the less they helped. Consolation turned to condemnation as the grief-stricken Job rejected their reasoning and demanded a hearing with God. When God finally did speak, he never answered Job’s questions. He simply challenged Job to trust, even beyond understanding. Friendship in grief requires patience. Friends in need don’t have to have all their questions answered as much as they need to have someone listen. Some questions are so deep that their best response is silence. Make it a point to be with those in pain, but let your physical presence be your strongest statement of support. Pray for patience. When in doubt about a question, wait. Sit quietly and be the best friend you can be during difficult times.
Strengths and accomplishments
• Understood the importance of personal contact in sharing grief
• Approached Job with silence rather than immediate conversation © Demonstrated a fine understanding of God's justice, but gross ignorance about God’s grace
Weaknesses and mistakes
• Assumed that tragedy and suffering inevitably represent some kind of punishment for sin
• Decided to try to explain Job’s suffering rather than help him endure it
• Heard Job’s questions as challenges rather than expressions of grief
• Took offense and became abusive when Job did not agree with their assessments or answers
• Those who wish to comfort people in sorrow should consider silence before speech, empathy before explanations, and patience with their pain
• Even the hardest questions that come out of grief do not require instant answers
• Genuine friendship includes attentive, compassionate presence in times of sorrow and loss
Lessons from their lives
Vital statistics
• Where: Uz
• Contemporaries: Job, Elihu
Key verse
“When three of Job’s friends heard of the tragedy he had suffered, they got together and traveled from their homes to comfort and console him. Their names were Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite, and Zophar the Naamathite” (Job 2:11).
Job’s interaction with his three friends is found in the Old Testament book of Job.
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