Proslogion: Chapter 17/Chapter 18
PROSLOGION
Chapter 17 That in God there is harmony, fragrance, savor, softness, and beauty in his own ineffable way Still, O Lord, you are hidden from my soul in your light and happiness, and so it still lives in its darkness and misery. It looks around, but it does not see your beauty. It listens, but it does not hear your harmony. It smells, but it does not perceive your fragrance. It tastes, but it does not know your savor. It touches, but it does not sense your softness. For you have these qualities in you, O Lord
God, in your own ineffable way; and you have given them in their own perceptible way to the things you created. But the senses of my soul have been stiffened, dulled, and obstructed by the longstanding weakness of sin.
Chapter 18 That there are no parts in God or in his eternity, which he himself is
Once again,"behold, confusion!"32 Behold, once again mourning and sorrow stand in the way of one seeking joy and happiness. My soul hoped for satisfaction, and once again it is overwhelmed by need. I tried to eat my fill, but I hunger all the more. I strove to rise to the light of God, but I fell back down into my own darkness. Indeed, I did not merely fall into it; I find myself entangled in it. I fell before "my mother conceived me."33 I was indeed conceived in darkness; I was born enshrouded in darkness. Truly, we all fell long ago in him "in whom we all sinned."34 In him, who easily possessed it and wickedly lost it for himself and for us, we all lost what we desire to seek but do not know; what we seek but do not find; what we find but is not what we sought. Help me "because of your goodness, O Lord."35 "I have sought your face; your face, Lord, will I seek. Turn not your face from me."36 Lift me up from myself to you. Cleanse, heal, sharpen,"enlighten the eye"37 of my soul so that I may look upon you. Let my soul gather its strength, and let it once more strive with all its understanding to reach you, O Lord.
What are you, Lord, what are you? What shall my heart understand you to be? Surely you are life, you are wisdom, you are truth, you are goodness, you
32 Jeremiah 14:19.
33 Psalm 51:5 (50:7).
34 Romans 5:12.
35 Psalm 25:7 (24:7).
36 Psalm 27:8–9 (26:8–9).
37 Psalm 13:3 (12:4).