salvation; but that confidence is not in the flesh; for, God knows I am
1. I see that I believe the gospel, with application to myself; and find, that my expectations from it do ultimately resolve themselves on the faithfulness of God in the word of the promise of the gospel. The which is a good evidence, according to Isa. 53:1; John 3:33, 36; Heb. 10:23; 2 Tim. 1:12.
2. I find my soul acquiesceth in, being well pleased with, the covenant of grace, as God's plan of salvation in Christ; and that I have come into it with heart and good-will; taking my offered place in it in Christ the second Adam, putting down my little name within the compass of his great and glorious name. Whereby I, as a member of the mystical body of the second Adam, am as really intitled to the promise of the covenant of grace, eternal life, made to him for all his, as I was rendered liable to the penalty of the broken covenant of works, eternal death, in the first Adam; 2 Sam. 23:5; lsa. 56:4, 5; 1 Cor. 1:24; Matth. 11:6; Rom 5:19.
3. I find my heart so far at odds with sin, that if there were no other hell, but just leaving one in his sin for ever, "He that is filthy, let him be filthy still," my heart would, upon that sentence against me, break in a thousand pieces. And is not this the work of the sanctifying Spirit of Christ in me? Rom. 7:23, 24, 25, and 8:6; Gal. 5:17.
4. I have a hope of heaven, through Jesus Christ; and the Lord knows, it moves me to desire, long, and seek after being made meet for it, in purification from sin; 1 John 3:3.
5. I love the purity of the divine image expressed in the holy law, and every line of it, so far as I discern it; and even there where it strikes against the sin that most easily besets me; Heb. 8:10; Psalm 119:6; Rom. 7:22.
6. I have a measure of confidence, that I will get complete life and salvation; but that confidence is not in the flesh; for, God knows I am heartily out with myself, with respect to all the periods of my life, any one of which, I see, would undoubtedly ruin me, and that most justly.
So I am razed from off my own bottom, and have no confidence of acceptance with God, but in Christ crucified, who loved me, and gave himself for me; Matth. 5:3; Phil. 3:3.
Lastly, As to that particular matter which it has pleased my God to make the special continued trial of the most part of my life, which has been the most exquisite one to me, and has often threatened to baffle all my evidences for heaven, as being the one thing lacking; I can say, 1. I sincerely desire to be as a weaned child in it, to get above it, to quit it to the Lord, and to take Christ in its room and stead; Matth. 5:6. 2. I have sometimes got above it, from spiritual principles, motives, and ends; Mark 9:47; Psalm 18:23. 3. Whereas it has often got the mastery over me, and held me down, like a giant on a little child, or a mountain on a worm, I am heartily ashamed thereof before the Lord. And that is one of the main things which have made the course of my past life so notably loathsome unto me, upon the review I have been making of it. And thus it hath contributed to empty me, shake me out of myself, and to drive me unto Christ; Ezek. 36:31. 4. Notwithstanding all my unbecoming quarrelling with my Lord upon that head, I would lie against my own soul, if I should deny, that I would rather have a cross of his choosing for me, than a crown of my own choosing for myself. The which now is, and was the testimony of my conscience, on Tuesday, when I was examining myself in the point of submitting my lot to him; Psalm 47:4. 5. And lastly, I love God in Christ above it, being content to quit it for him, though I cannot hinder the old man to reclaim; and could be satisfied in the enjoyment of God without it, but by no means with it without him, as sometimes I have clearly perceived, when the trial was like to be removed. Wherefore, since that has been what of all worldly things had most of my heart, and what I thought I could least brook the want of, and yet my heart stands thus disposed towards it, I conclude, that I love God in Christ above all; Matth. 10:37, with Luke 14:26; Hab. 3:17, 18; Psalm 73:25.
These things, intermixed with prayer, being dispatched, I then set myself to prayers and supplications with reference particularly to my
removal out of this world. And in these, besides the main thing touching the transportation of my soul, and the resurrection of my body at the last day, I did particularly beg, that, having lived so little to his glory, he would please to give me to die to his glory; that in case of sudden death, which I neither durst nor inclined to deprecate, he, to whom all his works are known from the beginning, would secretly work in me actual preparation for it; and in case of longsome sickness, that he would arm me with patience; that if it were his will, he would continue with me the use of speech; but withal heartily submitting, that in case of losing the power of my tongue, which, from the paralytic state of my body, I am somewhat apprehensive of, my countenance might speak to his glory. In the event of my leaving my wife a widow, and my children fatherless, I left her, and them, each one by name, on my covenanted God, according to the promise; Jer. 49:11, requesting, that we might all meet together again in the happy part of the other world; and for her, that I might be allowed to see her deliverance; if not, that it may come speedily after my departure, if it be his will. The parish also, in that event, I left on him, to provide a minister for them. I was concerned also for a blessing on my servants, viz. John Bromfield and Christian Speedin, they having been a great comfort to me, and continuing to be so. Withal I begged grace for the Christian improvement of any time of my life that may be remaining; and the divine determination as to the disposal of the two manuscripts above mentioned. Being to close the work, and day-light failing, I lighted a candle, and sung the 23d Psalm, with some understanding of it, confidence and cheerfulness. But a particular concern for grace to bear my trial, carried me back to God again, in prayer for that purpose. I met with two scriptures that day, one in a light wherein I had not before observed it, viz 2 Cor. 5:12, "Them which glory in appearance, (Gr. in the face), and not in heart;" denoting the skin-deep joy of ungodly men, who have none in the recesses of their heart; the other, exceeding strengthening food to faith, namely, the promise of God's making the worm "thresh the mountains, and beat them small," &c. lsa. 41:14–16. Meanwhile the worm there acts only the part of the flail, but in the omnipotent hand it threshes them. O the wonders of grace, a spark of the holy fire
drying up the sea of corruption, a worm threshing the mountains! I rejoice in that word, as one that hath found great spoil. The continuing of my strength for this exercise, as it has done, was what I did not expect, and is wondrous in my eyes; "I will bless the Lord, who hath given me counsel."
Dec. 8.—Monday. This night I had completed the filling up in the passages of my life the last week's progress. I have for a considerable time found the consideration of the goodness of the nature of God very strengthening. Last night my wife brought to mind again a remarkable passage in her case, which was this. Two years ago, she having long wanted, sought, and at length got, a clear view of her interest in Christ, was rejoicing in the goodness of God. And the tempter suggested, that nevertheless her particular trouble was not removed, nor were her bodily ailments taken away; and therefore he should take a short cut for her own delivery, now that she was secure for eternity. The which she replied, saying, She would not do that, for that would be horrid ingratitude to God; but all the days of her appointed time she would wait till her change come; and moreover that the scripture saith, "No murderer hath eternal life." Upon which the enemy slunk away as ashamed.
The spare time I had that week, was spent in reforming my closet, and sorting of papers; at which time also I destroyed the assignation made under trust in the year 1712, together with some other papers depending thereupon.
Having thus gone as far as I could reach, in matters of that nature, I gave myself to prayer, to seek of the Lord a right way, to which I should next betake myself; for by this time another thing had cast up, in competition with my beloved, study, from which I had now been so many years kept off, viz. from the year 1726; and that was, to give a general account of my life. This competition had cost me several thoughts of heart; and in end I was, contrary to my expectation, and much contrary to my inclination, determined unto this last. By which I was, in my own eyes, as one again beat back from the desired
harbour, when I was within sight of it, thinking that now I had nothing more to keep me off from the beloved study of the Hebrew text. On the morrow after that exercise, I was confirmed in that determination. Wherefore, in compliance with what I judged to be pointed out to me as my duty, I did without delay put pen to paper for that work, on the next day, being the 15th of December.
Sleep departing from me had for many years, now and then, been my lot; and I was that day in some disorder, from that cause the night before; so that my beginning of that work at that time, was in a manner a resolute thursting forward unto it, as it has often fallen out with me in such cases. But I never had experienced the departing of it at the rate I did about that time; wherein for fifteen days then beginning, I could not reckon above five whole nights rest got, whereof three only were sound as ordinary; howbeit I always got some sleep, especially in the morning. By this means the work went on slowly; but withal I read through a great part of the two MSS. above mentioned, in my waking hours of the night, and found reason to cease destroying them, for the time.
Dec. 29.—On Friday last studying my sermon, I had condescended on some marks to distinguish betwixt the godly and ungodly; but, being hurried in the time, I had no ease with respect to them when done, fearing they were not duly considered and balanced. Wherefore at night I just cut out that part of my notes, and began anew. I have always reckoned that to be one of the most difficult parts of preaching, how to steer an even course in these things, so as to guard duly on both sides.
Jan. 1, 1730.—Being Thursday, I spent some time in prayer with fasting, for the work aforesaid, that went on heavily, and for my wife's case. I adhered to the solemn transaction above mentioned, and with some confidence pleaded the witnesses taken thereto; and made supplication for bodily strength, as well as for light, finding the want of the former as well as the latter. And whereas I had before put my lost teeth in a box for conservation, I put another in that same
day. I was for some days thereafter much tired with indisposition, and confusion; whereby an embargo was laid upon me with respect to the work aforesaid; but it pleased the Lord to take off that embargo on Friday the 9th; so that I then became capable to proceed in that work. So doth the Lord, in all things, shew me my own emptiness; and that without him I can do nothing.
Jan. 3.—I found myself fail mightily, in managing the diets of catechising this season; especially the two last diets. Considering the less sustained by the people, through my inability to speak, and apply to it; it has been very heavy to me. But this day the Lord pitied, and helped me therein again; the which is the more welcome, that now I begin this work also, the catechising of those of the younger sort, which is carried on together with the public catechising of the parish; not daring as yet to ease myself of that accessory piece of my work.
It was but about this time that I had notice of the publication of the second edition of the Fourfold State; and on the morrow after a copy thereof came to my hand, I took and spread it before the Lord, praying for a blessing to be entailed on it, for the conviction and conversion of sinners, and edification of saints, for the time I am in life, and after I shall be in the dust.
Meanwhile there was no motion nor appearance in favour of the essay on the accentuation, from Edinburgh nor from Aberdeen; but that matter lay then dormant. But on the 7th of February came to my hand letters directed to Mr. W. H. merchant in Edinburgh, my correspondent there; one from Professor Gordon at Aberdeen, into whose hands I put the essay, in order to his prefacing it, to have been returned in November, as above said; advising, that, in respect of family or personal distress, since the end of August, he had thought very little on the matter; and that he could not tell when he might be able to read or consider any thing requiring close application; but the other, from Mr. G. at London, advising, that he had put the title and index of the essay sent him as aforementioned, into the hands of Dr. Ridgley, an Independent minister there, acting as a professor of
theology, and Mr. Earns his colleague, training up dissenting students in the languages and liberal arts, and a fellow of the royal society; that they were much pleased with the design; and wished, that as there might be something said by way of preface, for the divine authority of the accents, as to which point they themselves were entirely satisfied; so the rules concerning them might be illustrated and exemplified from particular passages of original scripture, to shew the usefulness of the essay, for understanding the mind of the Spirit in the original Hebrew; having observed, that Wasmuth and Ledheburius had marred the usefulness of their otherwise valuable works, by contenting themselves with a recital of a heap of rules, without a suitable illustration and exemplification; and further advising, that Mr. Bradbury, a famous dissenting minister there, liked the account he had given him about it; and promised to go with him, on that score, to Dr. Knight and Dr. Waterland, both of the Church of England. It was comfortable to me to find the two dissenters aforesaid speak on the matter like men who had considered it, and the true state thereof as it stands in the world this day. Providence having thus awakened the affair again, yet keeping it still in a state of uncertainty, it was my exercise to be resigned to the Lord, and to be conducted of himself therein. I wrote to Professor Gordon again, allowing him to keep the MSS. for the end aforesaid, until the time of the meeting of the General Assembly in May this year. I had written also to the worthy Mr. David Anderson, professor of theology in the college of Aberdeen, desiring his revising of both the MSS. viz. that on the accentuation, and that on the text; they being both there for the time.
It had been my manner of a long time, besides the catechising the parish already mentioned, to have diets of catechising those of the younger sort; and they met in the kirk, sometimes in my house. What time I began this course, I do not remember; but I think it has been early; for I learned it from Mr. Charles Gordon, minister of Ashkirk, whom I found so employed in his house when I went at a time to visit him; and he died, at furthest, in the year 1710. By this course I got several young people of both sexes, trained up to a good measure of
knowledge; some of whom unto this day are solid and knowing Christians; but it suffered some interruptions. The time I found fittest for it, on their part, was from January to the beginning of May; and the whole youth of the parish, who were disposed, and had access to wait on, came together, and were welcome; as were others also, who inclined to hear. The intimation of their first diet was made from the pulpit; and then from time to time I set, and signified to them, their next diet; ordinarily they met once a-fortnight; sometimes once in twenty days only; sometimes once a-week, as occasion required. Several times these meetings were closed with a warm exhortation to practical religion; the which I sometime used also in the diets of catechising the parish. Thus this accessory work fell in the time when ordinarily I was weakest; and of late years, that my frailty notably increased, I wanted not inclination sometimes to give it over. But that I might the better comport with it, I did some years ago cause make a portable iron grate, in which I had a fire in the kirk to sit at, on these occasions. This year, after I had once and again found myself fail mightily in diets for the parish, through bodily inability, the time of beginning this course was returning; and the Lord pitied and helped again in another diet for the parish. So I was encouraged, and began that course again at the ordinary time, not daring as yet to give it over; and, through the mercy of God, it was yet carried on as usual.
This winter I did more at night than of a long time before, having ordinarily written something, for a while, after six o'clock at night. And on the 7th day of March, I had completed the catechising of the parish for the second time. This was a kind disposal of Providence; for about the same time began the breach of my health, which made me the heaviest spring I had ever felt. And preaching on Eccl. 7:1, with the event foresaid trysted my entering on the latter part of that text, "The day of death is better than the day of one's birth." This was a comfortable subject; but whereas it could hardly miss to impress me with the thoughts, that this might be my last text; yet the experience I had formerly had in the like cases, left but little weight in them. On the Lord's day, the 22d, after the public worship was
over, I betook myself to my bed; and at night, going about familyworship, which was a great pinch to me, we fell to sing Psalm 68:13, and downwards, "Though ye have lain among the pots," &c. with which I was much comforted, as I had been on a former occasion. My ailments were many that season. I was pained in my breast-bone, in the fore and hinder shoulder, and under the arm-pit on the left side; and was under a very uneasy cough. Withal I had such a continued oppression and lowness of spirits, with difficulty of breathing, as never before; a continual stiffness and weakness in my knees, and weariness all over; so that with great difficulty I got up and down the stairs, mounted the pulpit, got the Sabbath's work managed, yea turned myself on my bed, where I had some touches of exquisite pain in the calf of my legs. And, by a particular dispensation of Providence, the springs of my comfort ran bitterness to me in my low condition; all created refuge failed, and I was solitary, and in great affliction. Withal my wife's fever returned on the 3d of April; but not so violent as formerly; and that month a pain of the mother kept her many days, which was quite new; and a cholic several days; besides her other ailments.
However, in this my low condition, I was determined, and ventured on Providence, to intimate the sacrament to be celebrated on the 31st of May; being led to that day, purely in compliance with our neighbours in Yarrow, that the administration of that ordinance in the two parishes might not be too close the one upon the other. And that time drawing near, I saw great weight hung upon the design; Mr. Davidson being extremely low; John Currie aforesaid, one of the elders, under the ague; Isabel Biggar in Midghop in a doubtful and dangerous case; her husband William Blaik in the meantime likely to fall in under the ague, to whose share a great weight of strangers on such occasions used to fall; moreover, my own wife continuing as formerly, and myself in a weak condition, going upon my staff; the pain in my back, which had fallen to me in the former spring, having returned; but not quite so ill as the former year, by means of my then attendance on the assembly. I desired of the Lord strength for the designed effect, to myself and others; and resolved, through grace,
not to quarrel, nor think harshly of my Master, though he should quite lay me by on that occasion. But indeed in the event I found him very gracious in that matter. And it was remarkable to me, that my kind God and Father, most mercifully tempering the hardships of my lot that season, I had no fit of the gravel, no night-watchings, as some time before I fell ill; and whatever difficulty I had in delivering my sermons, I was never rendered incapable of study on my study-days, as several days before, till the Friday before the communion-week; and finally, whereas the visiting of the sick had often in that season of the year been a weighty burden on me, I had no occasion, from the time I fell ill, to visit one sick person without Etterick-house on the other side of the water, till after the sacrament.
Meanwhile there having come to my hand, about the 27th of March, a letter from Mr. G. desiring a specimen of the essay on the accentuation; I, after consulting God, and thinking thereupon, did, in the following week, make out a specimen thereof in about two sheets of paper, and wrote a return to him. On the Monday morning, after having no occasion from this place, I sent them away to Galashiels, from whence they went to Edinburgh on the morrow, and on the Wednesday were carried off towards London, by one going post thither. Withal the copy of the essay on the text, then at Aberdeen, being desired also, and this intimated there, there was a ship just going from thence to London, with which it was sent away. I could not but notice the conduct of Providence in the speedy dispatch, desiring to wait the issue.
The sacrament was administered on May 31, as had been appointed; and the Lord made it to me a time of hearing of prayer, and of rolling away one stone of difficulty after another.
The admission of my younger son to the Lord's table, was another piece of difficulty. Toward the end of the week preceding the communion-week, it became very heavy to me, while no help appeared in the case. I found myself pinched in a special manner, in that my own interest was mixed with the sacred interest; and would
have been well content, to have sacrificed my own interest in it, if it had been in my power to have separated the two. For two days I was in particular concern, to see what I could safely do that way; and that the Lord would touch his heart. And in the end of the second day I received a letter from him, which gave me satisfaction. Thus was that stone rolled out of the way.
On the Friday that week, I having much of the Sabbath's sermon left of what had been prepared before, minded to have studied, with the Sabbath's sermons, the fast-day's too. But that morning, after beginning my studies, I became so indisposed, that I was obliged to betake myself to my bed again for a time. And this was the only study-day this season, since I fell ill, that I was unfit and indisposed for study. Howbeit I got something done that day, as also on the Saturday; and on the Monday I finished the fast-day's sermons.
Meanwhile, as my ordinary of the other world was nowise interrupted by this communion, I had been of a considerable time secure as to my text for the action-sermon, designing Isa. 54:10, "For the mountains shall depart," &c., in view of handling thereof the general conflagration, and perpetuity of the covenant. But on that Sabbath night, consulting the Hebrew original, I found it was not understood of departing by the conflagration, but rather by an earthquake; and so I was deprived of my text, which was a new trial to me. But on the Monday's night I resolved to mandate the fastday's sermons on the Tuesday, in the first place; the which I did accordingly, and no more; but that I had some thoughts in search for a new text.
Wednesday the fast day was kept; and as, in the family-fast in the preceding week, the Lord had pitied, howbeit the prayers lay on myself alone; so that day he was very gracious to me. Having much prepared, I delivered it in three sermons that day; and had great satisfaction in the Lord's helping me to spread out the net of the covenant, from Psalm 1:5, "Gather my saints together unto me; those that have made a covenant with me by sacrifice." But after the
sermons, convening the new communicants before the session, to take their explicit consent to the covenant; I was damped and confounded, missing my own son among them. This was a heavy trial; but afterward I found, that it had proceeded of mistake, not of design. The new communicants at this time were far more than ordinary: I hope the word concerning the other world had some influence; but I apprehend, it was thought probable, this might be the last by my means, considering the low case I had been in for some time, and was in. And they had come to me before, for the private examination, very orderly, as that my low case required; the which I took first very kindly at the hand of my compassionate Father, and next at their hand.
Thursday, being determined to Luke 23:42, "Lord, remember me when thou comest into thy kingdom," I entered on the study thereof, and perfected the explication thereof; on the Friday it came to me right easily, and I had finished the whole, much about my ordinary time, that is, before dinner. Meanwhile, Janet Scot, a good woman, who on the Sabbath had received a token from me for the Lord's table, (the tokens being usually distributed to the old communicants of the parish the Sabbath before the communion, she had brought forth twins before the due time, was fallen into a fever, and was in danger of her life. Isabel Biggar, a singular Christian, was in a dark, doubtful, and dangerous condition, not knowing when it might come to an extremity; her family at these times having a great weight of strangers; and at this communion they had about sixty. These women's husbands were in ill case too, as to bodily indisposition. John Currie above mentioned, having been seized with the ague in March last, still continued very ill; a flux for some time had been working in my wife's case; and Friday's night, when the strangers began to come, she had a touch of it, which occasioned her thoughts of heart; but there was no more of it from that time. Mr. Davidson came that night, in great weakness, having been obliged to lodge a night by the way: Mr. Wilson came then also; and Mr. Francis Craig, a probationer of singular worth, to take burden on him for Mr. Davidson. And these were my helpers.
On Saturday Messrs. Craig and Wilson preached. After distributing the tokens to strangers, at the tent, done as usual immediately after the public worship was over, I convened in the kirk the new communicants absent on the fast-day, and took their explicit consent, as aforesaid, before the session; and among these was my son. From what had happened on the fast-day, I had desired of the Lord, that he would make the people tractable, and cause that things might be done in order; and, I think, it was never so much so as at this communion. I got little sleep these nights; yet not from anxiety, but that I was put out of my ordinary course; for I was easy trusting in the Lord for all.
Sabbath morning, my soul was humbled within me; and I was in some concern to be, and really was in some measure, nothing in my own eyes. I divided my sermon in two; and the Lord was with me therein, and in the whole of my work; so that I lacked no strength for my work, no not so much as ordinarily when I was in a better state of body; for it failed not in any part thereof. Being sensible of what I was through my weakness liable to, I had desired of the Lord, that he would keep me from forgetting things, in the administration of that ordinance; and, to the praise of his grace, I think, I was never more pointed and distinct in these things. There were some very small drops of rain, in time, I think, of the first sermon; I did therefore, in the prayer before the second sermon, pray for pity in that matter; and rested in the Lord, closing the petition for it with this expression, "Our Father which art in heaven;" and the Lord graciously heard, so that we had no disturbance that way. This was a mercy the more remarkable to me, that the following Sabbath, which should have been the day for administering that ordinance, if the Lord himself had not determined otherwise, there was a continued rain with wind. The which made me admire the divine conduct, wish ever to be under it, and never to choose for myself; for it was purely in compliance with the desire of our neighbours in Yarrow, that we took that day, as above noticed. I had solemnly petitioned for strength to Mr. Davidson, for the effect of the Lord's work; he got it so far, that he served two tables, and preached on the Monday.
I had a special concern on my spirit in prayer all along, for the distressed persons above named. And Janet Scot, whose life I had begged, recovered; Isabel Biggar came to me on Monday morning, and told me she was very well. I understood after, that on the fastday she was ill, but no more till the Wednesday after the sacrament. John Currie was at the Lord's table, and out on Monday too. I found all along a disposition to hang by the petitions for these persons, before the Lord. About the end of Mr. Craig's sermon on Monday, I was told, that Mr. Davidson, who was to preach the other sermon, had retired again into the house. Fearing he had fallen ill, it occasioned me some thoughts of heart; but in the case I was resigned, trusting in the Lord, only concerned that the Lord would discover his mind, as to what was to be done in the feared event, and looking to him for it. And my heart being brought to this temper, he came out again, and preached a sweet sermon.
I received at this communion a letter from Mr. Wightman before mentioned, moving me to hope in the case of my wife. And petitions were solemnly tabled again before the Lord, in her behalf, upon his word; Luke 18:8, "I tell you, he will avenge them speedily." Mr. Davidson praying on Monday, and pleading that she might be "comforted on every side;" that word touched me, as being the word I got as aforesaid at Eskdalemoor, and am still pleading.
Thus the Lord carried on that great work, through many difficulties, and made it a time of hearing of prayer in a very particular manner; and out of weakness we were made strong. So that, considering the kind conduct of Providence in the whole, I was obliged, at the dismissing of the congregation on the Monday, publicly to give my testimony from my experience, to that truth, viz. That "it is better to trust in the Lord, than to put confidence in man."
On the Friday after, I got my text, Cant. 2 ult. "Until the day break, and the shadows flee away," &c. for the Sabbath, June 7, and entered upon it; and proceeded thereon on the Saturday. After which, being exhausted, I was not able to write some very necessary letters; yet
towards night I was enabled thereto, and admired the kind management of Providence therein.
Withal on the Saturday before the communion I received letters from Mr. G. at London, directed to Mr. W. H. foresaid, together with a printed specimen of the essay on the accentuation, made on the MS. specimen I had sent as aforesaid; as also a specimen of new Hebrew types then casting at London. The first of these letters, dated May 2, bearing, Messrs. Ridgley and Eams their approving of the specimen I had sent; Dr. Bedford, of the Church of England, his approving the design of the work, on his hearing the title-page and index read to him; Dr. Ziegenhagen, a German divine, who, I think, had come over with the Princess, now Queen, his promising to send the specimen to Hall and Bremen; Rabbi Moses Marcns his taking in hand to write four copies thereof, to be sent to Hall, Bremen, Holland, and Leipsic; that the said Rabbi had a liberal education abroad to serve the Jewish interest; and did serve as a priest among them two years, but embraced Christianity about eight years ago; for the which cause being disinherited by his rich father, he is in prison for debt; and that he likes the specimen; And further, that Sir Richard Ellys likes well the Fourfold State, where of some copies, edit. 2, had been sent to London; and had thanks from an Independent gentleman, who has bought six of them to give in compliments to his friends; and that Mr. H. may venture to send more of them to Mr. Oswald, stationer, there. A second, dated May 9, bearing, That the Rabbi foresaid likes the work still more; that Mr. Palmer, printer, proposes to print it in English, for that there are in London five hundred who understand Hebrew, not understanding Latin; that Mr. G. expects, that after he has sent a specimen in print, he shall have some general plan sent him, how to commune with Mr. Oswald about printing the work; that Sir Richard Ellys is perhaps one of the greatest scholars in England, and is fond of any thing tending to enlighten the purity of the gospelscheme;* and that he bought three of the Fourfold State, a few days before, to give to gentlemen of his acquaintance. A third, May 12, bearing, the sending along a small specimen of the new types cast from Athias's mould, received by me as aforesaid. A fourth, May 12,
bearing, that Sir Richard Ellys desired him to tell me, that his purse shall not be spared, to encourage any work of mine. A fifth, May 21, bearing, that the said Sir Richard having read the specimen, likes it, and the design of the work; and is disposed to encourage it; that he was to write to two friends in Holland along with the specimen, and to send them withal a copy of the Fourfold State; and that Mr. G. knows not if I can find such another patron in the island, to dedicate the essay to: that Suicerus's "Thesaurus Ecclesiasticus," printed at Amsterdam 1728, is dedicated to him, where is to be found a handsome character of him for his learning; and that Mr. G. desires to be sent up to him the English copy of the essay on the accentuation, as also the essay on the first twenty chapters of Genesis, that he may put it in the hands of the said Sir Richard and several others. In these letters also was expressed a desire of several to see the MS. on the Covenant of Grace.
These things, expressed more strongly in the letters foresaid, a more full abstract whereof is to be found among my papers, looked as if the Lord was in his way to fulfill a passage of the 71st psalm, which was given me as above mentioned. But for a balance hereto I heard on the Monday, that Professor Gordon was a-dying, I knowing of nothing done by him in the matter by him undertaken. Mr. Hogg being with us on the communion-occasion, I sent along with him the English copy of the essay on the accentuation; who soon after got an occasion of conveying it away to London.
In the second week of June, I had another letter from Mr. G. directed to Mr. Hogg, dated London, May 30, bearing the receiving of the essay on the text of Genesis from Aberdeen; the making out of a specimen thereof in print, the which I accordingly received; and that Drs. Knight and Bedford had read the specimen of the essay on the accentuation, esteemed the work as a work of great labour and curiosity, and were disposed for the work's being printed, though they are not entirely fixed in the belief of the divine authority of the accents.
That and the following week were spent in carrying on the account of my life, interrupted by the communion-work; and in preparing dispatches in consequence of the letters aforesaid. I wrote a letter to Sir Richard Ellys, and a memorial concerning the English copy of the essay on the accentuation, as also concerning the essay on the first twenty chapters of Genesis;* judging the same necessary for those into whose hands these MSS. might come. I considered the printed specimens; found that of the Latin essay intolerable in the Hebrew part of it, that of the essay on the text hopeful; and sent my remarks on both. Withal I wrote a long letter to Mr. G. upon the whole affair, as it seemed to me to require. The MS. on the covenant of grace I could not find; it being at Edinburgh when called for, and revised by none. But upon that occasion I called for it, and put it in the hands of my two friends, Messrs. Wilson and Davidson, to be by them revised.
About or a little after this time, I had a letter from Mr. G. dated London, June 8, before I wrote my foresaid to him; and therewith a letter to him from Dr. Waterland, on his having read the specimen of the essay on the accentuation; the former bearing an account of Sir Richard Ellys's being turned from Arminianism; his making Sir John Philips purchase the Fourfold State; and that his letter to Mr. Loftus, minister of the English Church at Rotterdam, and Mr. Gowin at Leyden, inclosing the title-page, index, and specimen, of the essay on the accentuation, to be shown to the learned there, was then in Mr. G.'s hands, to be sent over by next post, with a copy of the Fourfold State; that he (Sir Richard) sends them; that Mr. Ziegenhagen was by the (then) to-morrow's post to send the title, syllabus, or index, and specimen foresaid, to his friend at Bremen; and by the next post to send them to Mr. Franck at Hall; and that Mr. G. gives copies of the Fourfold State, to be sent along with them; and that he hopes to get a specimen sent to Carpzovius at Leipsic; and thinks I should write to Sir Richard Ellys.
On Thursday, July 30, having been abroad some four miles or more, and coming home at night, I found there had been an express for me to go to Dalgleish, to visit a dying woman, viz. Jane Hope above
mentioned, but night coming on, I found I could not go, desired of the Lord the woman's preservation in life; and was easy, finding myself unable for that work. The Lord heard me; and going thither on the morrow, I saw her, was helped to speak to her, and was much satisfied in the divine conduct. This was the first call of that nature I remembered myself ever to have sat, by day or by night; and I thought, that the Lord was, by that occurrence, training me to accommodate myself to my low circumstances of body.
The said Jane recovered; Isabel Biggar's doubtful and dangerous case aforesaid cleared, and went off, and Janet Scott aforesaid recovered. Whereupon I was much comforted in the Lord's dealing with me, as to the cases of these three persons; reckoning myself in his debt for the life and welfare of each of them.
Aug. 3.—No return being ever made by Mr. J. M. minister of E——r, to my letter afore mentioned, the breach still continued betwixt us, though kept very quiet on both sides. But, on Saturday, July 18, I received a letter from him, inviting me to preach with them, on Monday after the sacrament, being the 27th; and withal bearing, that the two sermons he preached here, were composed before he was licenced, especially the last; and that he could not say they were altogether agreeable to his ordinary strain; and that, however fond he had some time ago been of what some reckon fashionable, yet he could now sincerely declare, he is fully persuaded, that those sermons which run in a gospel-strain, are only valuable. Herewith I was so satisfied, that I strongly inclined to answer his demand; the which too early readiness, caused that, going to God with it, I found it not so bound on my conscience from himself as I could have wished. But having again and again considered and consulted the matter, I signified to him my resolution to answer his demand, if I was able. But on the Monday, being obliged to visit a sick person at Dalgleish, I found myself under an unordinary indisposition after. Nevertheless I attempted to study for the effect foresaid, on the Tuesday; but stuck that day, after twice beginning it. I began it a third time on the Wednesday; but stuck again, being quite unable to
manage the text; Isa. 11:10. Whereupon I gave it over, and wrote to him that I could not be with him; and thereupon was easy, considering both this dispensation, and how it was quite above my strength to preach at home on the Lord's day, and then to ride nine or ten miles, and preach on the Monday again.
The sacrament was administered at Penpont the same day that it was in Eskdalemoor; and thereat assisted my friend Mr. Wilson. The strange conduct of Providence with respect to my two friends or myself assisting at the sacrament in that place, from time to time, is before observed. Never any of us went thither, on that occasion, but we met with something of unordinary trial, about it. That time wherein my journey to and from it was prosperous, the toss in the affair of Closeburn arose out of it. The former time Mr. Wilson was there, he was publicly contradicted by brethren, and obliged to speak to the people, before dismissing of the congregation, in defence of his doctrine he had preached to them. This time he was there, having had a prosperous journey, and comfortable being there, upon his return hither we were comforted; and that strange course of holy Providence seemed so far to be broken off.
In the last week of August I was obliged to visit one sick at Pot-burn, on the Monday; and on the Tuesday having thoughts of going to Chapelhop, to visit the sick there, I was sent for express to Buccleugh, to see Adam Linton, a-dying; and he died that day, while I was with him. I had, on the Wednesday was eight days before, gone to Buccleugh occasionally, knowing nothing of his illness, till I was by the way: but so my God led me, by the way I knew not. On the Wednesday I visited three sick persons at Chapelhop; and on the Thursday went to Adam Linton's burial. This awful dispensation of Providence towards the poor parish, was the more weighty to me, that I saw I was now toward the end of my ordinary subject, viz. the doctrine of the other world; and perceived the voice of Providence thus join the voice of the word. I found myself worsted by this unordinary loss; but I took it kindly at the hand of my gracious God and Father; admiring the divine condescension and goodness, that
kept it off in the spring, when I myself was very ill, till that time wherein I was in better condition; for by that time, I think, I had laid aside my staff.
Having, from some time after writing the aforesaid to London in June, been expecting time after time to hear from thence, but still disappointed; which occasioned various thoughts of heart; I received a packet on the 4th of September. Before I opened it, I went to God, to get my heart disposed for whatever might be found the issue; but opening the same, I found there was a deep silence still, both from Aberdeen and from London. Hereupon I went to God again, and kissed the rod, accepting the trying dispensation, as the way he deals with his own; bringing their matters through many difficulties, and causing them to wait on. And being somewhat afraid of unfair dealing, in the case of MSS. I found rest to my heart in the Lord, as having the hearts of all in his hand. But whereas, about the middle of March last, I had written to Mr. Alexander Colden a letter of love and friendship, to testify my love and regard to him, and to remove some dryness, that, by means of our differences about the abjuration-oath, and the doctrine of the "Marrow," had crept in betwixt that worthy man and me, specially through a mighty jealousy in his temper; and withal had sent him a copy of the second edition of the Fourfold State; but had never heard from him since; in which case, nevertheless I rejoiced that I had writ that letter, which I knew he soon received; I did on the Lord's day after, being September 6, receive a kind return from him. And this I desired to take as a pledge of a comfortable issue of the other case, viz. the hearing from London; which, of a considerable time, had been a matter of some exercise to me, considering the sudden stop of that affair, after such a notable run it appeared to be on.
That same day I closed my ordinary of the other world; and on the Sabbath after, being the 13th, entered on a new one, viz. "The Crook in the Lot," from Eccl. 7:13, "Consider the work of God: for who can make that straight which he hath made crooked?" To this I was led, by my own case, and the case of several in the parish; and was
confirmed in that's being the Lord's message to them, by the providential occurrences of that day.
Having, on the 10th, advanced in the account of my life unto the time when I began writing for it, I did thereafter carry on what remained, partly in it, and partly in the passages of my life. And whereas, several years ago, thinking on the sacred name JEHOVAH, I had fallen into a notion of its being a dittology, standing for JEHOVAH ELOHIM; and had written in the essay on Genesis, chap. 15:2, let. f. that "Elohim" is never found before nor behind it, as far as I had (then) observed: I had carried on the observing of the texts where it occurs through the whole Hebrew Code; and found the observation foresaid to hold through the whole of it, wheresoever the said sacred name occurs; I did this day, September 22, beyond which I have not as yet seen another, transcribe the list I had taken of the texts wherein that sacred name JEHOVAH occurs, into the miscellany manuscript, for conservation. And there it is to be found; an observation, which, I think, must determine that point with equal judges, unless they can discover some oversight therein, or exception, that will overthrow it.*
On Friday September 25, I received a letter from Edinburgh, bearing that as yet there was no word for me from London, but that a letter was expected by the next post; and withal that Professor Gordon at Aberdeen is dead some time ago. Both of these were trying to me; but especially the latter; nothing, that I know of, being done by him, in what he took in hand, in favour of the essay; but I comforted myself, in that "the Lord liveth." In the following week, having an unexpected occasion to Edinburgh, I wrote to Professor Anderson, from whom I have as yet no return unto my first to him above mentioned; that I might know how Professor Gordon left that affair. And expecting at length some account from London that week, I was again disappointed, Mr. Hogg not being in town. But I received from my eldest son, then occasionally at Edinburgh, a letter wherewith I was very much pleased, as satisfying me in a particular, which had occasioned me some uneasiness. And I took it also as providentially
designed to teach me to wait with patience in the matter from London. The sacrament of the Lord's supper being administered at Maxton, October 11, I assisted there. The text I preached on was Isa. 41:14, 15, "Worm Jacob,—thou shalt thresh the mountains," &c. which I had been led to by reading the passage of December last. I began my studies on it on Thursday October 1, having some thoughts of taking my journey that day eight days, that I might lodge a night by the way, not knowing if I would be able to accomplish the journey in one day. I dispatched the explication of it that day. But entering upon it on the Tuesday after, I could by no means strike the vein of it; howbeit in the time I was helped to trust the Lord, that he would pity; but in the afternoon, when I had given it over, I was under great perplexity through unbelief, notwithstanding of former experience, and the last year's particularly on the same occasion. On the Wednesday having cut out, as usual on such occasions, I was helped to proceed in it satisfyingly; and had bodily strength sufficient for the work, though ordinarily I am that day of the week unable to study, for which cause I usually go abroad on it. On the Thursday I completed my studies. Thus Providence barred my making haste to go away, as I had designed. That night Mr. Murray came from Penpont, to assist also at Maxton. On the Friday we took our journey. But Mr. Murray being seized with the gravel, having with great difficulty made our way to Newburgh, I was obliged to leave him there, and my daughter to attend him. So I went thence all alone, and the wind and rain blowing in my face; in bearing of which, for my work's sake, I had a satisfaction. Getting safe, though weary, to Maxton that night, I found Mr. Davidson, being also taken ill that day, was not come up. So there was none for the work, but Mr. Wilson himself and I. But the Lord having thus tried us, pitied, and sent up both on the morrow. And that day Mr. Murray and I preached. On the Sabbath I served three tables, and preached in the afternoon, and was at no time in want of strength. In myself and fellows my text was accomplished. While at the table I saw and heard the elements distributed, I was thereby helped to a firm faith of my union with Jesus Christ. Monday morning I was greatly comforted by a good woman, whose husband having been seized with a fit of
distraction, had, on that account, been remembered in the public prayers at the communion in Galashiels the preceding year. She had then and there spoke to me on that case; and now she told me, that having advised her to roll the case over on the Lord, she was helped so to do; and when she went home, found him restored to his sound mind; which deliverance has continued all along since. The good woman was concerned to be advised how to improve such a mercy. On Wednesday we came to Galashiels, where awaking out of sleep that night, I found myself at the gates of death, by a sickness that had suddenly seized me. Providence seasonably awoke Mr. Murray, to whom I could hardly speak at all, to call for help; which I received by vomiting; being still in hazard of fainting away, especially when sitting up, and more especially when on my knees, as in my younger years; inasmuch that at secret prayer on the Thursday morning I durst not kneel, but sit. Thus the same God who tried my brethren before the solemn work, took trial of me after it was over. It seems to have been owing to my eating of a pear and a half at supper, which by their coldness had oppressed me. We came safe home at night; and on the morrow, convoying Mr. Murray the length of Potburn, I proposed to him to take that part of the catechism to explain which fell, as above said, to Mr. Davidson, now reduced to a pitch of weakness, if so be that work, as above proposed, might not yet be marred; and he has taken it into his consideration, being resolved to seek counsel of the Lord concerning it.
At Maxton I thought I would get the long-expected word at length; but there was none for me; only I heard, that Mr. G. is somewhat embarrassed in his private affairs at London. Meanwhile, on the Monday, there arose in my heart an inclination to publish the treatise on the covenant of grace; the which, I believe, was partly owing to the interest I found I had, beyond what I could have expected, with ministers; and would fain improve to edification, and advancing of the interest of the truth of the gospel. I had this summer put the copy in the hand of my friend Mr. Wilson; who having revised a part of it, and put it in the hand of Mr. Davidson, it was by a mistake returned to me about the middle of August.
Wherefore at this time I carried it back to Maxton, to be revised throughout. On the Sabbath after I came home, being the 18th, I received a letter, bearing, that as yet there was no word to me from London. Thus I find myself obliged to shut up this account of my life, without being capable to shew the issue and present state of that affair, either at Aberdeen or London. But I do believe, that my God and Father, who of his great mercy brought it to me, will at length cause the iron gates in the way thereof to fly open; and will bring it forth, to his own glory, and the benefit of the church, even though I should never see it, but be laid in the dust ere it come to pass.
This day, October 22, 1730, having laid the matter of the two MSS. above mentioned before the Lord, and considered the same, I was, upon the one hand, made to adore that gracious and kind divine conduct, whereby I was kept from destroying them, December 2, 1729, as narrated above, of the which I now see the then secret cause; and on the other hand, I was cleared to destroy them, now that the preceding account of my life was written; and accordingly I have committed them to the flames. At the end of the first of the two, I found some scriptures comfortably superscribed; the tenor whereof follows:—
"Mine. Blessed are they that hunger and thirst after righteousness; for they shall be filled," Matth. 5:6, "Blessed are the poor in spirit; for theirs is the kingdom of heaven," Matth. 5:3. I dwell in the high and holy place, with him also that is of a contrite and humble spirit, to revive the spirit of the humble, and to revive the heart of the contrite ones," Isa. 57:15. "Let your soul delight itself in fatness—hear, and your soul shall live," Isa. 55:2, 3. "Whose confesseth and forsaketh, shall find mercy," Prov. 28:13. See 1 John 1:9, "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God," Rom, 8:28. "Delight thyself also in the Lord, and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart," Psalm 37:4, "When I sent you forth, lacked ye any thing?" "Thou hast ravished my heart—with one of thine eyes," Cant. 4:9. "Who is this that cometh up from the wilderness, leaning upon her beloved?" Cant. 8:5. "Cast thy burden on the Lord; he will sustain
thee," Psalm 55:22. "Not by might, nor by power, but by the Spirit of the Lord," Zech 4:6. "Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting love; therefore with loving-kindness have I drawn thee," Jer. 31:3, "Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness, and these things shall be added to you," Matth. 6:33. "Go thy way; thy faith hath made thee whole," Mark 10:52. "Though I walk in the midst of troubles, thou wilt revive me; thou shalt stretch forth thy hand against the wrath of mine enemies, and thy right hand shall save me. The Lord will perfect that which coucerneth me," Psalm 138:7, 8. "I will instruct thee, and teach thee in the way that thou shalt go," Psalm 32:8. "He hath determined the times before appointed, and the bounds of their habitation," Acts 17:26.—That MS. ended Feb. 16, 1699.
[Thus far the author had proceeded both in the general account of his life, and in the passages thereof, on the 22d of October 1730; and on the 25th of that month, he shut up the account with seven paragraphs more, of a general nature. But as he afterwards continued that account till Nov. 13, 1731, we shall first add that continuation, and then close with the seven paragraphs.]
Having, on the 24th of October, ended the above account, I laid it before the Lord, for acceptance of him through Christ; begging he would preserve and bless it, and giving thanks for that he had inclined my heart to do it. And that same night I ended also the reading over of it, and the passages of my life; the which I had some time before begun and carried on.
There had come to my house on Saturday's night, Oct. 3, three dissenters of the party adhering to Mr. John Hepburn while he lived, with a letter directed to me and my two friends Mr. Wilson and Mr. Davidson, from their correspondence, desiring a meeting with us. The which being, at the communion in Maxton, appointed to be at the manse of Etterick on Tuesday the 27th, there came early that day five of them to me; but, to our great disappointment, Mr. Wilson came not; and Mr. Davidson was not expected, in regard of the
broken state of his health. Their design mainly was, to establish a correspondence with such as they considered as the purer part of the corrupt church; and that some way might be fallen on, towards their enjoying the benefit of public ordinances, for they had us occasionally at communions. I found them to be men having a sense of religion on their own spirits, much affected with their circumstances as destitute of a minister, endowed with a good measure of Christian charity and love, and of a very different temper from that of Mr. Macmillan's followers. I perceived their separation ultimately to resolve into that unwarrantable principle, viz. That joining in communion with the church, in the ordinances of God, is an approbation of the corruptions in her; the very same from which all the rest of the separations do spring; some carrying that principle farther than others, in different degrees. I understood, that the abjuration-oath straitened them, as to addressing the general assemblies any more. I shewed a readiness to administer ordinances to them, on testimonials from their ministers; but found, they scrupled to seek them; and I had no freedom to do it on testimonials from their meeting; since I could not in conscience approve of their separation, and had seen and felt so much of the mischief of separating. So we parted on the morrow after; but with great affection, and much heaviness on both sides.
The preface to the above account now being also written, and the examination of the parish interrupted on the occasion foresaid, I did, on Thursday the 29th, spend some time in prayer, laying the two MSS. viz. this and the passages, before the Lord, with thanksgiving, and supplication for preserving and blessing them, and for a right way to betake myself to next.
At the monthly meeting of the session on Monday, Nov. 2, I had a dismal view of the case of the generation, finding, by a scandal broke out, how the children of religious parents are degenerated, as a token of approaching judgment. On the morrow I spent some time in prayer, particularly for two causes: 1. Direction as to what I should take in hand; 2. The preservation of my children from snares in this
dangerous time of apostasy. Having reviewed myself, made confession, and renewed my acceptance of the covenant, I laid these, and other things before the Lord, committing my children, and other members of my family, to the protection of the great Shepherd of the sheep. And having considered the matter of my studies, I found that the work on the Hebrew text was begun already; that God had allowed an occasion of returning to it, of the which there was some time little hope; that nothing did now cast up in competition therewith, even when I looked about to observe; that this has been what I much desired; and that, being an immediate study of the holy scripture, it is a business in which I may becomingly spend my remaining time, as the Lord shall please to give access; and therefore I concluded, that I was called to address myself thereto though my strength is small, and these things are now much out of my head. Wherefore, that I might just begin, I did that same night put pen to paper; but did nothing to purpose.
It pleased the Lord, for my trial, to make the entry on that work difficult; and the progress has, through several interruptions, been small to the writing hereof; whatever he minds to do about it. On the morrow I catechised at Bucclengh. I continued about three hours in that exercise without my spirits or strength failing; which is the more sweet, and filled my heart with thankfulness, that in the morning I had, in consideration of my weakness, prayed for pity. I was minded next day to have spent some time in prayer for assistance in the aforesaid work; but being called out of my bed that night, to visit a sick person supposed to be a-dying, I found in the morning that I was not in case for it. So I applied myself to writing of letters, which at length I was obliged also to give over. Being seized with a colic, I behoved to take my bed that night and rising on the Friday, I was obliged to take bed again, where I was fixed till the Saturday morning. Then the pain was removed; but I was unfit for business, save writing of letters. But though the Lord's day was so bad that few came to church, it was a good day to me, in delivering the Lord's word, weak and crazy as I was. I admired the indulgence of my gracious master, in timing the trial so as not to mar my public work;
and in that I had as much studied the preceding week, as fully served that Sabbath; so that as I was not able, so I did not need to study. He is a good Master to me; and I kissed that rod. In the prayers of Monday, November 9, I spread the Hebrew Bible before him, and cried to the Father, that, for the sake of his Son, he would by his Spirit shine on it, unto me, give light into, and discover his mind in, the word; that he would give me life, health, strength, time, and inclination, to the study; and a blessing thereon; that he would teach me how to manage that work, and would pity me as to sleep, having been somewhat bereaved of sleep since I was determined to that work. And that week I made an entrance upon it, meeting in the threshold with a particular difficulty like to break down my hopes of proceeding; and falling under indisposition, by means of a misty night, in coming over the hills from Chapelhop; and being hampered as to time. But I was encouraged again, surmounting the difficulty, and the indisposition going off.
Nov. 16.—Monday, I understand, that two sick persons I had been concerned for before the Lord, were relieved from their distress; and was thankful, and concerned for grace to them to improve the deliverance. And I had a view of the merciful nature of God, from his requiring a merciful disposition in men one towards another; Psalm 41; encouraging to be concerned for others in such cases. I am now going to visit other two, for whom I have hope of pity. [Nota, It pleased the Lord to pity them accordingly.]
On the morrow I went from Upper Dalgleish, where I was catechising, to Eskdalemoor, and visited the minister there, out of conscience towards God, to cherish the disposition he appeared to be in, as above recorded; and that out of regard to the welfare of the interest of the gospel in the country. And this journey, as I was helped to depend on the Lord with respect to it, so it was made a comfortable journey to me, going thither and returning; and that by a vicissitude of smiles of Providence, and trials. At this time I plainly saw the necessity and design of the above-mentioned conduct of Providence, in my entering on that work on the Hebrew text; for
exciting me to a continued dependence on the Lord, for life, strength, light, and time for it; and I thankfully took the lesson. Meanwhile, as to the remaining part of that month, I had thereof but what I could spend of three days for the said work; my hope in the matter being only in God, who is the same as before; though I am so altered, that I am not able to apply as in those days.
On the 29th I entered on Prov. 16:19, "Better it is to be of an humble spirit with the lowly, than to divide the spoil with the proud."
Nov. 30.—Monday. On Wednesday last I spent some time with John Currie, above mentioned, at his desire, in giving thanks for his recovery of the long illness under the ague. And the Lord's hearing of prayer for him, and others last summer, was sweet in reflecting thereon. Hitherto I have been strengthened in the diets of catechising. That week a member of the family having unmercifully treated a beast, to the disturbing of the whole family, was seasonably rebuked for it, by the Lord's own word falling to be read in the family-ordinary; Prov. 12:10, "A righteous man regardeth the life of his beast," &c.
On Tuesday, December 1, I spent some time in prayer, with fasting, chiefly for two causes: 1. The work on the Hebrew text; and therein I found a pinching sense of need carrying me to that exercise, my hope of success being in the Lord alone; 2. For my younger son, who the day before had gone towards Edinburgh, to attend the school of divinity only. I reviewed my whole life, made confession, and renewed my acceptance of the covenant, as that time twelve months before; and then I made my supplications on these accounts and some other, particularly the affair at London as to the MSS. concerning which there was still a deep silence; and came away with hope, rolling them on the Lord, on the morrow I catechised at Calcrabank. I had a singular satisfaction in that little journey, while I observed how Providence taught me, trying me and delivering me. It being a very hard frost, it was dangerous riding; and my horses being both away to Edinburgh with my son, I was mounted on a beast that
would hardly stir under me. At the second ford above Hopehouse, I was quite stopped, the ford being frozen, and the horse not able to make the brae where the water was open. Alighting therefore to take the hill-side, the bridle slipped off, and my horse got away homeward, and I pursued. But kind Providence had a well-inclined lad coming down on the other side of the water, who coming through to my help, catched my horse, led him on, and I walked on foot once and again. Coming home, I was cast under night; but the lad staid, and came along with me, and led my horse again, while I walked with some uneasiness, by means of my boots, and otherwise. Meanwhile it was some moonlight; and I had a pleasure in that trial, beholding how my God took notice of me, even in my little matters, and how he balanced them for me! "Lord, what is man that thou takest knowledge of him! or the son of man, that thou makest account of him!" After all, having only got two falls, perfectly harmless, while walking, I came home safe; and found not the least ill effect of this adventure, save some weariness in my legs on the morrow after. And I got what I could spend of the next day, on the beloved study; but still Providence kept me on trial, as to time for it.
But now the Lord remembered me, as to the affair in London, which for my trial had been so long buried in absolute silence as to me, even for the space of five months and upwards. And on the following day, December 4, came to my hand a letter from Mr. G. to Mr. Hogg, of the date Nov. 20, 1730, London, bearing, that my letter was delivered to Sir Richard Ellys; that he received the letter obligingly; could not then give an answer, being immediately going out of town; had been little in town that season, partly by his being building a house on a new purchase he had made, partly being abroad with his lady for her health; so that he had seen him but once these three months; that at that time he regretted to him, it had not been in his power, with the hurry he had been in that season, to give me a return; but showed a disposition to send me a compliment as a token of his regard for me; that he had not yet got accounts from Holland, nor Dr. Ziegenhagen from Bremen and Hall, about the specimen received in all those parts; as also, that Dr. Waterland has been still
in the country; and Mr. Abraham Taylor so much in it, that he had not seen him; that he is a great man, and owns the divine authority of the accents; and further, that Dr. Hay, our countryman, a clergyman of the church of England, though he is for the novelty of the points, yet values the work, and owns he has been instructed by reading both the one and the other MS; that he has sometimes engaged to lay out himself to get some of the ablest of their church to write a preface to it, recommending it; that the author has made him a present of the Fourfold State; that he has urged the author to wait on the Archbishop of Canterbury, and the Bishops of Durham and London, in order to their encouraging of it; and had it not been for their titles they must have, he had ere now been introduced to them for that effect; and, finally, desiring that I would send him a title for the translation, with a view of printing a new specimen of both, with proposals, if possibly he can find encouragement; promising to write me, how soon he should get Sir Richard's answer.
On the first reading of that letter, all I could do, was to lift my eyes to the Lord, that he would mould my heart into such a frame and disposition as might be agreeable to it. But upon further considering of it, I was thankful for it; yet still seeing the necessity of dependence on the Lord to be continued, with respect to that matter; and I could not but observe, that, on the Monday after, being the 7th, having begun a narration of that letter, and abstract of the same, before I could have access so finish the same, we sang in our ordinary at family-worship the last part of the psalm which I have a particular expectation from, as above hinted, to wit, Psalm 71:20, to the end, "Thou, Lord, who great adversaries," &c.; the which I did with heart and good will, having now had time to think more of the matter, and see further into the import and aspect of that letter.
To that letter I made a large return. I prepared also, and sent therewith, a title-page for the essay on the text.
But before the said return had reached him, there came to my hand on the 27th, being the Lord's day, a letter from him dated London,
Dec. 10, bearing that Sir Richard Ellys having sent for him, communicated Mr. Gowan above said, his return to the abovementioned letter concerning the specimen; of the which, taken down in writing by Mr. G. from Sir Richard's mouth dictating the same, the tenor follows:—"The specimen of the Hebrew accentuation has been carefully read and examined, by the ablest judges of that sort of learning that I know; I mean, by Mr. Schultens and Mr. Gronovius; both of them think, the author has given surprising instances of the usefulness of the accents to settle the meaning of the text; and on supposition that the rest of the work is equal to this sketch, it will upon the whole be the best book that has been written on the subject, and deserves to be made public." The said letter further bare, that Sir Richard talked several things very warm, as to his concern for me and that work, and was for its being handsomely printed, having had both the MSS. by him for some time: that he gave him ten guineas to be transmitted to me, as an acknowledgment of his sincere regard and esteem for me, and as a pledge of doing all in his power to encourage any work of mine; with salutations, and an excuse for his not writing as yet; and that he longs to see the MS. on the covenant of grace; and has as warm a way of taking of the gospel, and of the absolute need of divine saving teaching, to see its glory, and comply with its noble design, as any that ever the author was in company with; that Mr. Laraque, a French minister, an acquaintance of Sir Richard's, coming in, and hearing the story talked over to him, promised to procure twenty-five subscriptions from his relations and acquaintance abroad; that the Earl of Hay had promised to be a subscriber; and that it would be difficult to keep the charges, &c. of the two parts of the work distinct, as I had proposed; but that the printer might make the exactest calculation as to both, still keeping in view the printing both together, and one subscription for all.
Upon the reading of that letter, I was somewhat as before in the case of the preceding one; the slowness of my natural temper having had a very discernible effect, on these occasions. But in the morning of the next day, I had a good time of it; seeing then, how my God was a faithful promise-keeping God to me; had begun to fulfil more of the
latter part of the 71st psalm to me; and given me at length what he had long delayed, but by providential notices and pledges had bid me wait on for; and giving thanks for his faithfulness and bounty; withal perceiving, I as really needed his hand, to suit my heart to what the thing done required of me, as I needed it to do it for me. I remembered, that on the Friday's morning before (as I think) the petitions with reference to that affair, arose in my heart like water from a spring, which even then upon reflection made me to hope. And that morning above mentioned, being Dec. 28, I had something of the same nature in prayer for Sir Richard Ellys, that word being brought me, Prov 11:25, "He that watereth, shall be watered also himself." The signature of a divine hand, on the raising np of him to befriend me, and in such a manner as he has done in various respects, did indeed appear with a glaring evidence. Janet Scot above mentioned being much in the like case as before the communion; considering I had the same God to go to, and the same Mediator still; I renewed the petitions in her behalf; and ere long after, I heard the Lord had pitied her. And Providence now appearing to be in motion, according to the words contained in Psalm 71. I was hopeful, my wife's turn expected therein, would come about at length. That afternoon I received the ten guineas above mentioned, by the hand of the bearer who the day before had brought me the letter.
Together with the said letter I received another, from my Lord Grange, directed to Mr. Hogg, desiring him to acquaint me, concerning a book, intitled, "Biblia Hebraica accentuata; sive, Codicis Hebræi, accentuum radiis collustrati, ultra bis mille specimina, &c.: opera et curis M. Georgii Christoph, Pashsellii, Lipsiæ, 1729;" where and how I might get it, if I desired it; and shewing, that if, after seeing of it, I desired to communicate thoughts with the author, perhaps a way might be fallen on for that effect. Hereby it seemed to me, that Providence was at this time at work to diffuse that light, making it to arise from very distant quarters; the more to be regarded, that there were never perhaps so formidable attacks made against revealed religion in Christian countries, as at this day.
What spare time I had that week, was entirely spent on letters. What part of Tuesday I was able so to employ, was spent in scrolling a letter to Sir Richard Ellys; and yet I was not able so to effect it; my God thus humbling me, and teaching me my dependence, and what a mere nothing I am without him. Howbeit, taking a diet of catechising on the morrow, I wrote my letter to Sir Richard on the Thursday, Dec. 31, a copy whereof is in retentis (see the appendix); and also begun a very long letter to Mr. G.
On Friday, Jan. 1, 1731, I entered, in pursuance of my former subject, on a new text; 1 Pet. 5:6, "Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time." And I was led into the meaning of being "under the mighty hand of God," new to me; namely, that it mainly points at that inferiority to, and dependence on others, which God hath appointed for men's trial, now in this world; the which is to be wholly taken away at the end of time. When I had almost ended my studies, there arrived from Selkirk an express with letters from Edinburgh and London. One of these was from Sir Richard Ellys, dated Dec. 16, 1730.—See the appendix.
These letters did, leisurely, as before, fill me with comfort and thankfulness. The friendliness, openness, and savouriness of Sir Richard's were really surprising, notwithstanding all the favour he had shewn me before; and I could not miss to admire and adore that hand of God, which had given his heart such a touch, upon that design; and which also had first set, again excited, and still keeps, Mr. G. in motion therein. That night, thinking to proceed in my begun answer to Mr. G. my strength would not serve; so I was obliged to lay it aside. Nevertheless I behoved to write two short letters, to go off on the morrow early; in one of which I desired my friend Mr. Wilson forthwith to transmit the MS. on the covenant of grace, then with him, to Mr. Hogg at Edinburgh, to be by him sent off to London, to be shewn to Sir Richard; as to which I know not, at writing hereof, what is done by him; but I have committed it to the Lord.
On Saturday's morning, being the 2d, perceiving myself overcharged with necessary business. I prayed for strength for it, trusted I would get it; and accordingly I did get it. And with that strength afforded me in hunc effectum, I dispatched all I had to do that day, both as to my public and private work, though it kept me late that night. I wrote that day another letter to Sir Richard, (see appendix); and a letter to Mrs. Balderstone; and several others. I had a good time of it, on the Lord's day morning, in prayer, particularly in praying for Sir Richard Ellys. But for all the sweet morning I thus had, that I might know what a poor depending thing I was, I had no gust nor feeling in the public ordinances, lecture or preaching, that day; but I comforted myself, in that my Lord Christ is to the fore, and he changes not.
On the morrow our session met, and I had access to the Lord in prayer, and felt the power of "his hand put in by the hole of the door." And that night I saw it necessary, solemnly to address the throne of grace, for carrying on that work now again set in motion. Accordingly, on Tuesday the 5th, I spent some time in prayer on that account, as also for assistance in the work on the Hebrew text, again entered on some time ago, and for the divine pity with respect to my case in the ensuing spring.
Becoming faint, I took a refreshment; but withal it pleased the Lord all along to withdraw, so that I had no sense nor feeling in that work, which was carried on heavily, in my usual method. At length, thinking I was like to lose that day's work, I resolved to believe over the belly of sense; and resolutely laid my petitions on these heads, for Mr. G. my wife, and Mr. Henry Davidson, before the Lord, in the name of Jesus Christ; professing that I did not at all look for the acceptance of my person, performances, or petitions, upon the account of any thing about me, which was but variable; but for the sake of Christ only, who, whatever I was, remained still the same; and therefore had confidence, they should be accepted, for his sake, over the belly of my want of sense. And I found much benefit in this course.
Thus, as has been narrated, did the Lord bring my five months' trial to a comfortable issue; which helped to trust him for what remains at the writing hereof. I observed, that this turn came not, until I was engaged again in the work on the Hebrew text, in which the Lord has pitied me as to sleep, according to my desire; and this timing of that favourable turn, was so agreeable to the Lord's ordinary way of dealing with me, that I had some expectation before I returned to that work, that I behoved to be yoked to it again, ere that dark piece of Providence relating thereto would open. Moreover, I observed, that it came at a time wherein I had attained, through grace, to more weanedness and quieting of myself under a particular in my case, than I had of a long time before. And I cannot but further remark, to the praise of glorious free grace, and the covenant-order in dispensing the benefits thereof, that on the Wednesday before the first of the letters directed to myself came, being Dec. 23, 1730, we had been led to keep a congregational thanksgiving, for the removal of the late touch of dearth, and the good harvest. This had been in my view since my conversing with the five dissenters above mentioned, who, from their personal knowledge, informed me of more dismal effects of that dearth than I had been aware of, though I knew it to be very grievous; but it was put off so long, waiting if perhaps we might be called thereto by a superior authority. However, the people were sensible of the call of Providence, and we had a very full meeting that day.
Now the sense of the above-mentioned signal appearance of Providence for my comfort, in that work which has long been at heart with me moved me, to begin, and thus far to carry on the account of my life, before I should return to my work broke off by these letters. And that filled my hand till this Saturday's night the 9th of January. As for the diets of catechising, whereof one only now remains, viz. for the first time, I have been comfortably carried through them all, except that at Calcrabank above-mentioned.
On the morrow there came to my hand a letter, shewing that Mr. DuPont, who had urged me to write to M. Maurice, professor of
theology at Geneva, impatiently expected a letter for him. The accentuation, so far as I could understand, being of little reputation in those parts, I was not fond of the toil of that writing, whence I could have so little expectation. But upon that repeated call thereto, I addressed myself to it; and on the Monday and Tuesday, the Lord helping me, I made out a specimen, of two sheets, for him. Being on the morrow to catechise at Kirkhop, I, thus exhausted, fearing I should be confused in that work, prayed that the Lord would make me clear and distinct in it; and my God heard me, to my own conviction. On the Thursday with some difficulty I carried the scrolling of my letter some length; but at night applying thereto again, I was so worsted thereby, that on the morrow, my studyday, I was quite out of case, though I got through with difficulty. In the matter of this letter I had much ado to believe and wrestle against anxiety, which on the Friday's night being like to rob me of my rest, I turned to my knees on my bed, made supplication for sleep, and got it. On the Saturday I dispatched that letter, which being in Latin is in retentis; as also several others. And on the Monday morning they were conveyed away. According to my faith, so it was with me; I had much ado to believe and trust the Lord in that matter; and I had much ado to get it accomplished.
Moreover, in the following days, I found my indisposition much increased, so that my studies on the Friday were in part marred, and behoved to be pursued on the Saturday. And in the time thereof, before I had taken meat or drink, I was seized with a vomiting, and threw up a great quantity of crudities; the which turned to my benefit. But perceiving this to arise from not getting my meat chewed, for lack of teeth, I set myself to use more caution in that matter.
On the last of January came to my hand a letter from G. G. whereby I understood his brother Mr. John was to return home, in the latter end of February, or beginning of March; while as yet I knew nothing done effectual in my affair. But therewith came Ledhebhurius's book on the accents; by the preface whereof I understood the
disappointments he had been exercised with, as to the publishing of it. Upon this and other incidents, I was made to betake myself anew to my God, and in the name of Christ to lay my several requests very particularly before him; the which I was helped to do with confidence. And thus was I set anew to hang on about the Lord's own hand.
But having unhappily suffered the monthly meeting of the session, which should have been kept the first Monday of February, to drop, that I might have more time for my beloved study, which I had almost all along that far been hampered in, I found myself disappointed. Acknowledging my sin, and resolving to keep that meeting on the second Monday, I got that week both strength and time for that study, in a measure, I think, I had not till then obtained. And on the Saturday, after much weariness, came to my hand several letters, whereof one from Hall in Saxony, directed to M. Ziegenhagen above mentioned; the tenor whereof follows:—
"Vir plurimum Reverende ac Doctissime, amice in Christo pie colende. Tandem post quatuor mensium intervallum, his ipsis diebus redditæ mihi sunt literæ, quas 18 superioris Augusti, una cum specimine novi operis de accentibus sive interstinctionibus sacri Ebræi textus, ad me dedisti. Grato omnino animo agnosco tui in me benevoli adfectus constantiam, nee minus etiam clarissmo atque eruditissimo Bostono, pro testificatione amoris obstrictum me agnosco. Non putaveram inter Transmarinos esse, qui ob qualemcunque notitiam sacrarum literarum me diligeret; quum præter binas, easque primas meas disputationes academicas. jam ultra triginta et sex annos conscriptas, nihil de accentibus Ebraicis, Latina lingua ediderim. Memini tamen in adnotationibus Biblicis saipius ad eorum usum et subsidium, in dignoscenda vera dictorum sententia, me provocare. Impense gratulor rei sacræ literariæ, quod etiam inter divisos ab orbe nostro Britannos, divinæ illius cynosuræ jubar clarius incipiat fulgere; atque ex animo precor, ut nisi jam factum illud sit, opus egregium felicibus auspiciis propediem in lucem mittatur; quantum enim ex transmissis ejus speciminibus
constat, adeo solerter et exquisite, circumspecte, ac solide, ex sedulo observatis naturalibus hujus doctrinæ principiis, plurimum Reverendus author hoc argumentum pertractavit, ut cæteros, qui a me visi aut lecti fuerunt, longe, post se reliuquat. Quod judicium meum etsi præmaturum videri queat, quod non totum opus, sed pauciores tantum illius particulas, inspicere mihi licnerit, ideo tamen non fallet, quod illarum partium exquisito venustas, de totius operis præstantia, luculentum indicium faciat. Nec obesse poterit præclaro instituto, siquid forte in allatis exemplis adhuc dubium occurrat, ant monendum quid restet; si quidem regulis bene ac solide constructis sna nihilominns certitudo constabit. Sic, exempli causa, in capite 8 partis 1. Exod. 25:12, non quatuor sed octo ut putat, interstinctione. Ea tamen in sententia vix alios habebit consentientes, quia et verbis et intersiinctionibus posterioris hemistichii, ut sæpius fieri oportet, explicative accipiatur, b. m. Duos nimirum annulos adfiges, non in parte anteriori vel posteriori ad angulos, sed in latere areæ uno, et sic duos in latere ejus altero. De quo tamen pluribus nunc disputare nec vacat, nec per tempus licet, tantum ad præcautionem Reverendi authoris id moneo, et aliud potius exemplum urgeat, quod exceptionibus minus sit obnoxinm. Id quod cum plurima et officiosissima salate viro pio et erndito ut meo nomine renuncies te etiam atque etiam rogo. Quod reliquum ad finem decurrit annus quem agimus per Dei gratiam, et, novus instet, ut illo tibi et sacro tuo muneri sit auspicatissimus, ex animo voveo. Fale itaque in Domino Jesu, in longos annos omni ex parte salvus atque incolnmis; et quod facis porro ama Plur. Reveren. nominis tui studiosissimum. (Sic subscribitur) D. Jo. HENR. MICHAELIS. Dabam raptim, die 24, Decemb. 1730, Halæ."
The sight hereof with the rest, sent me to the Lord, that he might manage my heart as the matter might require. And afterward reading it, I was almost made to break out in tears of joy at the goodness of God towards poor me. I had therewith a letter from Mr. G. of the date Jan. 17, 1731, in which was no word of his returning, but recommending to me to write both to Dr. Ziegenhagen and Dr. Michaelis, and bearing his having as yet got no account of the
reception of my papers from Sir John Philips and the prelates, Sir Richard being out of town, and (the author) not having seen Sir John. The morrow after, finding that the treatise of the covenant, which I had committed to the Lord, was arrived safe at London, I found myself moved solemnly to return him thanks for that, committing it again to him, and praying he would honour himself by it; and herein the Lord was with me in a special manner.
Having on the Monday, Feb. 8, held the session, as resolved, I applied myself that week, as I had access, to prepare a letter for Dr. Michaelis, wishing to have the same over that week. But I was so straitened therein, that having finished the scrolling of it not till Saturday at eleven o'clock, I had laid my account not to have that business dispatched till the beginning of the following week. But going down stairs at the time aforesaid, I was surprised to hear of an occasion to Edinburgh on the Monday. Whereupon finding myself sore pressed, and already outwearied, I made my supplication unto God; then dispatched in the first place my work for the Sabbath, and immediately thereafter applied myself to writing that letter. After dinner I took my horse, and spent some time in riding for my health, and for strength; at half six went to my closet again; and a friend having gifted me some bottles of white wine, I took a glass of it, some time after, for the same causes aforesaid; and by eleven o'clock at night had all dispatched, viz. a letter to Dr. Michaelis, another to Dr. Hagen, both in Latin, a third to Mr. G. and other two to other persons. Through this closeness of application I lost much of the night's rest, not being able to command sleep, as usual with me in such cases. But on the morrow, being the Lord's day, I had full strength for my work; only, heaven was made more sweet to me, as a rest from toil and labour. On the Monday I was obliged to visit a sick person at Buccleugh. This conduct of Providence was admirably sweet. The Lord tried me, and brought to me my purpose, in his way, though not in mine. Had I known sooner of the occasion to Edinburgh, I could have done no more than I was doing; but it would have rendered me more uneasy; so it was kindly kept up from me till the due time, though human inadvertency was the means Providence
made use of for that end. And as I desired, so I got, strength in hunc effectum, when I saw what lay upon me. And O what kindness I saw in the necessity laid on me to ride seven miles on the Monday. I was heartily pleased to see how my God ordered my labour, my rests, and my motions, wishing ever to be under no other conduct. But upon the neck of this, Satan laid a train for me; and I was catched, and defiled; but was washed again in the Redeemer's blood.
Thereafter the presbyterial exercise and addition lying on me, I set myself, as I had access, to study the same. And being helped through grace to trust the Lord, I was most comfortably carried through the study thereof. So that on Tuesday, Feb. 23, I had access with much thankfulness, to my kind Father, to return to my beloved study, which I had been broke off from by the arrival of the letters foresaid.
On March 1, I went to Selkirk, where on the morrow I delivered the discourse aforesaid to an unexpectedly frequent auditory. Looking on this as probably the last of the kind I might have occasion to deliver, I had been concerned, that the Lord would give it me with a relish; and the relish that I sought, I got, according to his great mercy, even to the filling of my heart with satisfaction, as in the study of it. And, with thankfulness to my gracious Father, I returned in the Thursday's night, with a humbling view of my unprofitableness in conversation, and a conviction, as usual, that my obscure and retired life is really best for me. Being through weariness unfit for study on the morrow, I had no need, having enough provided beforehand. But while abroad, one of the remaining comforts of my life endured a shock, that had some time before been a-working; the which was very affecting, seeing how the Lord was drawing one comfort from me after another.
On the Monday and Tuesday after, I was obliged to ride to the utmost corners of the parish to visit sick persons; and on the two following days applied myself, as I was able, to my private business; but recovered not till Friday, my study day. And hereby I perceived, how little I had to expect from riding in the way of cure. Meanwhile,
on the 17th, I had perfected the versions and notes on Gen. 21 and on the 20th began to write it over in mundo. But that day last named I was extremely indisposed and oppressed, so that I was obliged to betake myself to my bed. Howbeit that extremity continued not; neither did my trouble this March arrive at the height it went to in the March preceding. On the 28th I closed my ordinary, of humiliation, having been comfortably assisted.* About this time, in several instances of mothers and children, moved to pray for them, I was graciously heard, and my soul filled with praise on that score. Moreover having, on occasion of the late occurrences relating to the MSS. observed from time to time a certain run of temper prevailing, I was let into the view of human nature, not much adverted to before, viz. That whereas there are two parts of sympathy, namely, weeping with them that weep, and rejoicing with them that rejoice, human nature is far more ready to go into the former than into the latter, from a certain undue care for one's self, and a jealousy of others, which in the former there is not so much place or occasion for. Meanwhile all had enough ado to keep my head above the water, having had no account of these MSS. since the time above noted; but having taken God for my friend, prayed he would, and trusted he will do the part of a friend to me in the matter, I endeavoured not to be uneasy, as under the former disappointment.
Having for a considerable time in the spring taken thought about administering the sacrament, finding myself straitened with Mr. Davidson's growing indisposition, whereby he was laid aside from preaching, I often laid the matter before the Lord. And, after many thoughts, I was so far resolved to call Mr. Macgarroch to my assistance on that occasion, that on April 13, being catechising at Etterick house, I told my resolution to one there. The reason moving me thereto, was indeed to consult the good of the country, after I should be gone, if so be that man might be pliable. But coming home, just as I alighted, one of his parish, who had been at my house, was drawing his horse to go away. Him I asked concerning that brother; and he told me he was just the day before gone for Ireland. Herewith I was struck, perceiving the divine hand so eminent in my encounter
with the man, which a minute or two's delay would have prevented. This made me cast about again in my thoughts; and on the morrow I gave myself to prayer, on that head particularly; and at length soon resolved to hold on as before, without moving another way, judging providence to point me thereto; and leaving it to the Lord to provide for the country in his own way, after my removal. So I wrote to Mr. Wilson and Mr. Davidson on the 14th, and to Mr. Craig on the 17th.
By the 15th of April I had transcribed the versions and notes on Gen. 21 and thereafter, as I had opportunity, went on in that beloved study. But there still continuing a deep silence from London about my MSS. the case of which was still laid before the Lord, I was on May 19, brought to that, that the Lord would glorify himself, either by the burying of them, or the publishing of them. And having now the administration of the sacrament in view, there was an addition to the infirmities hanging about my crazy body, by a new pain in my right knee, which seized me on the night of the 24th; but through grace it was welcome. The time of the sacrament being fixed to the second Sabbath of June, from the third day of that month I laid aside my beloved study for the time; and on the 4th came to my hand a letter from Sir Richard Ellys, of the date April 13, 1731, insisting, that I should send the MS. on the covenant of grace to the press, assuring, that nothing should be wanting on his part to set it forward.
And therewith came a letter, directed to Sir Richard, from Mr. Loftus, concerning the specimen on the accentuation, dated Rotterdam, April 20, 1731, wherein he insinuates, that some great men in the sacred literature at Leyden had modestly refused to give their thoughts of it; but gives his own judgment thereon as follows:—
"I have persued the MS. and take it for a certainty, or great probability, that the other parts and pages of the MS. are done with equal care and judgment; and then I think it is a very good undertaking, which shews the diligence, industry, and accuracy of the author. He is clear, orderly, and methodical, and has some observations in the specimen, that I take to be most judicious and
useful, which I never met with in my small reading, though I have compared and still am comparing authors. And I should be glad to see this criticus criticorum, &c., encouraged, not only to excite the languishing taste of our nation to put such critics as Le Clerk out of countenance, who make so little account of the Hebrew accents, as if they were superflous niceties, but also to give some occasion for the revival of the controversy, which many think was sufficiently wrought into a decision by Capel and Buxtorff." [Signed BARTHOLOMEW LOFTUS.]
Meanwhile there was no account thereof from London, as to the state of the matter there.
On Monday June 7, having kept the house two weeks, to attend the new communicants coming to me in order to their admission, I rode out a mile, but with great pain in my knee. Being come back the length of the glebe, much moved herewith, in respect of what might happen in being called to visit the sick, I tried hanging my leg out of the stirrup; and riding so with pretty much ease, I was encouraged again with respect to the event foresaid. I rode out again in the same posture on the morrow; and continued that way for some time after, as I had occasion.
Thus I was become lame, the scurvy having fallen down into my knee, at the time above mentioned. And I was put from kneeling; at prayer either standing upright, or prostrating myself on a bed. But now the pain I formerly had in my back, which came to me in the spring, and towards the autumnal equinox, went off, and came no more. But this seemed to have taken its place, the humour now landing in my knee, which formerly had annoyed my back.
There had been a hay-stack burnt, and about £4 sterling stolen from the owner of the stack, in Deephop, in the spring; but no finding out of the actor or actors of these wickednesses; only there was one vehemently suspected. Therefore on the fast-day before the sacrament, in my preface, I read to the congregation, Deut. 21
concerning the expiation of uncertain murder; and accordingly, in the prayer immediately following, begged the Lord would not impute it to the congregation.
The sacrament was administered, June 13, quite beyond my expectation, having laid my account with the first Sabbath of that month. But from that event, together with the former of April 13, I thought God had something comfortable to bring out in that matter; and I rejoiced that the Lord himself led, and left me to follow. He carried on the work with much of his countenance to his servants, and refreshment to his people; and that in the way that by his providence he himself had determined. The distributing of the tokens was most orderly; and as external decency in management, with favour in the weather, were sought of the Lord, we got the same to a pitch. My children were kept up in health for the time. Isabel Biggar was healed on the fast-day at night; but Rachel Grieve's daughter continued ill; only in the time she was easier than after. It happened that there was but one single person at the last table. Mr. Wilson was gone away, and Mr. Davidson declined serving it. Whereupon I addressed myself to the work. I shewed the people that our Lord Christ received every one that came to him; that the action was one continued action, and not then closed; and so proceeding as usual without any variation. The tokens distributed to communicants were about 777; the collection on the three days, £71: 13: 4d, Scots. There were about nine score strangers in Midgehope; fourscore of them William Blaik, husband of Isabel Biggar, aforesaid, entertained, having before baken for them half a boll of meal for bread, brought 4s. 10d, Sterling worth of wheat bread, and killed three lambs, &c. made thirty beds. And I believe their neighbour, Robert Biggar, Isabel's brother, would be much the same. This I record once for all, for a swatch of the hospitality of the parish; for God hath given his people a largeness of heart, to communicate of their substance, on these, and other occasions also. And my heart has long been on that occasion particularly concerned for a blessing on their substance; with such a natural emotion, as if they had been begotten of my
body. Those within a mile of the church still had the far greater weight on solemn occasions.
Being just settled to business in my closet, on Tuesday, June 22, I was called to see Rachel Grieve's child aforesaid in Ramsayclengh, adying; and before I could get away, I was called to see a woman, a communicant, a-dying too. The child was just expired when I got to the place. From thence I went to Glenkirry to the woman, whom I found in a most dangerous condition, all means proving ineffectual. Thus the Lord seemed to refuse to be intreated: and I thought that woman was gone too. Wherefore I went back on the Thursday, judging she could not last at that rate; but when I came hither, I fouud her sitting at the fire, pretty well recovered; and they thought themselves out, that they had not prevented my trouble of this new visit. But I rejoiced and gave thanks; and when I came home, I saw that God had hindered them; to check me for my so soon giving over hopes of his hearing of prayer. I took the rebuke kindly; and it was useful to me in another case. For whereas I had put up petitions, for the prospering of the affairs of the people, who on the late occasion had honoured him with their substance; but understood that since that time some of them had got but a sorry market; I hereby saw more into the method of Providence, and believed that God would notwithstanding make out his word, and they should not lose their reward. The first four days of that week, lame as I was, I was obliged to be on horseback, thankful to God that I was able, and was not laid by from that piece of service. But supping ordinarily at that time on a glass of mum, and a piece of white-bread, it was humbling to me; and a point of submission to the will of God, who had made it necessary for me to be at such pains about the body, and that I could not put it off with as little choice as sometimes before. On the Monday morning after, having had some comfortable account and view of the fruits of the Lord's work in my hand; and being withal led into some admiration of the glorious mystery of the incarnation of the Son of God; I had a comfortable while in my bed, while I could not sleep; and it came to my remembrance, that before I came to Etterick, one concerned for me had had that view of it, that if I went, it should be
for the good of a young generation; now the then young generation is the old now, in several of whom I have comfort.
About the 7th of July, my knee became worse than ever, the pain having in the night gone to extremity; with the which trystod a letter, inviting me to the communion at Galashiels, to be on the 1st of August. In the morning I took the letter, and spread it before the Lord, crying for pity. And thereafter my knee returned to its ordinary, the great pain having abated by degrees. About that time I was lot into a strengthening view of the fulness of a God in Christ, whereby I perceived, that whatever were the communications of divine love, to others more than to me, there was still the same room for me as if there were not another object of it in all the world. And this continued to be of great use to me.
The work at Galashiels lying wholly on my two friends and me, and Mr. Craig, probationer, I was led for my subject to 2 Cor. 12:9, "For my strength is made perfect in weakness." I made my way thither on the Friday, but with much difficulty; not from pain or sickness, but mere weariness to sit the horse. Howbeit I had abundant strength given me for my work there, preached Saturday and Sabbath afternoon, and served five tables; and the Lord was with me in my public, and private work in my chamber; and at the table helped me to believe in him as my God. On the Saturday, there was, I think, some thunder before we went out; but between two and three o'clock, when I had begun my sermon, it returned, and went to a great pitch. Upon the back of the second or third clap, I said to the people, "The God of glory thundereth; he will give his people strength, and bless them with peace." So I went on undisturbed, the fire every now and then flashing in my eyes. The people sat gravely and decently, without any disturbance discerned by me, perceiving nothing of that nature among them, more than the drawing of their cloaks about them, as in the case of rain. In time of the prayer after sermon, the thunder went to a prodigious height, that I could not miss the imagination of being struck down in a moment; but through grace was kept undisturbed in my work. In time of singing psalms,
while I looked for Mr. Davidson to come up, to speak to the people, as usual, I was told he could not come; so I addressed myself to officiate for him. But whereas there had been but little rain before, there came such a mighty pouring out of rain, that I was obliged to dispatch quickly. Then we distributed the tokens, the papers meanwhile being damnified with the rain, while they were produced and read. Having done the work without, when I came into the house, Mr. Davidson was lying groveling and groaning on his chamber-floor, under a most exquisite fit of the gravel; and after sitting some time with him, who in his extremity declared himself under his Father's hand, I left him as I found him. The pain going off, he was sick through the night, and rose not soon. So I had laid my account to officiate for him before the action; but said nothing, waiting to see how Providence would move. But, after all, he went out betwixt nine and ten, preached a sweet sermon, and did his other work, without the least vestige of his illness about him, in it; speaking with as much vigour as ever, I think, I heard him at any time when at his best; so that the multitude seemed in no uneasiness at all to hear. This was a wonderful stroke of Providence, carrying matters to such an extremity, and then bringing to such a comfortable issue. But that was the full-sea-mark as to him, since which time the day of the writing hereof, more than a quarter of a year after, so far as I know, he has not had a return of his usual pains, but a turn to the better, and seems to be in a way of recovery. On the Sabbath morning we heard of two persons, in the neighbouring parish of Stow, slain by the thunder; and afterwards of a third; the which made it the more signal mercy, that there was no breach on the multitude, either in the place, or going to their places of abode. Long was the roll of the sick and distressed which was read. In prayer I found sensible help of the Lord, to go through the several kinds, and petitions for them laid to my hand. This was the prayer after the afternoon sermon, on the Lord's day.
I saw at Galashiels a letter from Sir Richard Ellys to Mr. Hogg, approving and encouraging the design of printing the MS, on the covenant; and a postscrip by Mr. G. bearing, that it should be
returned as soon as might be; but no word of the other MSS. There also I had a letter from a younger minister, shewing some difficulty in conceiving about the covenant of grace, and desiring my thoughts on that subject. I took it for a providential hint, towards publishing of the said MS. And afterwards I wrote him my thoughts at large, willingly embracing that occasion of serving the interest of truth, whatever use should be made of it.
Having been of a considerable, time again and again urged with a project in favour of a certain person, in the which I had no clearness to be active, but only to yield and give way to it; the case some time in August became heavy to a degree, so that I set myself to seek of the Lord a right way in it; and after frequent addresses to the throne of grace on that head, I was at length fully cleared to be active in the matter, considering it as it stood circumstanced. But upon my declaring and offering to be active in carrying it on, the party to my surprise declined it; so it behoved to be dropt.
Some time after, standing without, and seeing a tree tossed with a violent wind, which caused the withering leaves to fall off, that otherwise in a little would have dropt off of themselves; I received instruction as to heavy trials trysting with a declining state.
From some time after my return from Galashiels, till towards the latter end of September, I was on the study, Gen. 23 the two former being transcribed. That study proved so difficult and slow, that it seemed to me, I was not in case for such work, by reason of the state of my body; and I often thought Providence would oblige me to give it over, and so take away that remaining comfort of my life. But in that time I was twice remarkably pitied, after serious application to God by prayer, on that head.
On the 3d September, I had, by a letter, an account of an apparent beginning of Mr. Davidson's deliverance and recovery. And being on the 5th to begin lecturing on the Song of Solomon, considering the growing infidelity and profaneness of the day, I was moved to preach
on the first verse thereof, to vindicate the divine authority and spirituality of it, &c. before I should enter on my explaining it. I was much satisfied in the divine conduct in that matter, several persons of some distinction falling to hear that day, beyond what was ordinary with us, it being the first Sabbath after Tushilaw's return from his travels.
Having had some expectation, that as in some former years, I would become somewhat better in health about the autumnal equinox: instead thereof, I became sensibly worse; the knee particularly swelled more, and the leg became weaker; so that I was fain to betake myself to my staff again, as in the beginning of that trouble. This turn as to my body, gave me a rational view of what might be expected from the spring shock added thereto, in case of my seeing the spring; and I had some comfortable prospect of the weary's getting to rest.
William Blaik's family, who had a train of trials since the sacrament, was tossed in a sea of trouble for a long time from the beginning of August, he, his wife, and three children, all fixed to sickbeds together. They were attended by a neighbour, a weak woman, who declared she had not of a long time had so much health as was afforded her during the time of her attendance. After a long trial of several turns, the hearer of prayer brought all safe through; and at length, at their desire, thanks were returned in the congregation for their recovery, as prayers had been put up there for them.
Concerning the continued silence as to the MSS. relating to the Hebrew, and thence perceiving that they do not take at London, this did sometimes put me almost out of conceit with them myself; but yet the value for them revived again with me, when I cast my eyes on the discoveries made by that study. However, I came to be in good measure weaned in the matter, only had some difficulty, as to the calling them home peremptorily, being afraid of not allowing Providence full scope in the business; and wanting only to be cleared as to my duty in that point. But the MS. on the covenant was again written for.
The sacrament of the Lord's supper was administered at Maxton, Oct. 3. Looking on it as possibly the last such occasion I might have there, I was determined to John 1:29, "Behold the Lamb of God," &c. that I might make another offer of Christ to sinners; my sermons of that nature abroad having for some time been fitted to the case of serious persons exercised. Being to go off on Thursday, that by reason of my weakness I might take two days for the journey, I began my study of that text on the Monday. But on the Tuesday I quite stuck therein, and could not proceed; which made it a heavy day. Having earnestly begged of the Lord, that he would give me a message, whether old or new, as he saw meet; laying a-bed at night, that word came to me; Prov. 9:12, "If thou be wise, thou shalt be wise for thyself," &c. an old text. Finding the agreeableness hereof to the public circumstances of the land, and to my own private circumstances, as a concluding word, I was that night much eased, and on the morrow fully determined thereto; as I was also to Gen. 6:9, "Noah was—perfect in his generations;" recommending integrity in a declining generation unto all, and particularly to the younger sort. I was earnest for the blowings of the Spirit; and the Lord was with me in delivering these two words,* which in my own eyes, and in the eyes, I believe, of some others too, looked like farewell sermons, whatever be the issue. But day-light failing on the Lord's day at night, and not being able to command the lines of the psalm I was minding to have given out, there was no psalm sung; the which I heartily was sorry for afterward. During that time I was pitied also in my private work.
As we were coming away homeward from Maxton, Mr. Wilson put into my hand a printed paper of the Commission of the General Assembly, 1650, intitled, "The great sin and chief guiltiness of Scotland, in the contempt of the gospel," designed to be reprinted; desiring me to write a preface to it. This I utterly refused, and that in earnest; knowing nothing particularly about the matter, and judging him more fit to manage things of that nature. However, he obliged me to keep it, to read it at my leisure, and shew what I observed in it. Getting home on Wednesday, as I lay a-bed that night, I read the
paper above mentioned; and I was thereby, through the blessing of God on it, convinced, instructed, directed, comforted, and recovered; and particularly helped towards a right use-making of sacraments received. And the impression it made was, through grace, lasting. On the morrow, finding I had several occasional things laid to my hand to do, and knowing myself liable to an unfitness for action after travel, I chose to transcribe in mundo something of what was written on Gen. 23 that being the thing which the bent of my spirit lying mainly toward, I judged best to bring me in case for applying to work in my closet.
But holy Providence had designed a piece of new trial for me, that I was not aware of. When I came home from Maxton, I was told, that one had advised blistering, and putting a pea in my leg, for my sore knee, and had left me a blistering-plaister for that end. The plaister was applied on the Friday's night. On the Sabbath night the pea was put in; and through pain I slept none that night. The pain continuing, the pea was taken out again on the Tuesday; and on the morrow after, I had my first diet of catechising at Chapel-hope. After taking away the pea, the hole quickly closed; but there grew upon it a hard callous substance, and withal the leg was inflamed. This created thoughts of heart, and the sore knee was forgotten. On the Monday after I wrote for a surgeon; who returned me answer, that he apprehended no danger, and sent me an ointment to apply. Expecting some benefit by the ointment, I wrote him on the morrow, that he needed not come till again called. But finding the ointment quite ineffectual as to the substance aforesaid, I was sorry I had prevented his coming up. In these heavy circumstances that week, the Lord comforted me more ways than one.
On the Monday there had come to my door a begging cripple, who seeing me without, begged of me a book of my own composing. I told him I had none but single copies, except of the Fourfold State, value 4s. sterling; and he insisted not for one of them. I gave him something out of my pocket; but he told me, he would rather have had a book. Surprised with this unusual request from such a sort of
person, after he was gone away I called him back, and told him, I would think of a book for him, bidding him call some other time. Thinking on this matter, and taking it for a call from the Lord himself, I resolved to give him a copy of the Fourfold State, not knowing but God might have something to do with it, by that means, among the vagrant poor. So on Monday, October 18, while I was sitting with my sore leg in my closet, he came back; and calling him up to me, I gave him the book, taking him engaged not to shew from whom he had it, but read it occasionally among his fellows, and was concerned for a blessing on it. This afforded me a satisfaction far beyond what money could have done; and before that, on occasion of giving of them away, I had a satisfying view of that as the very best I could make of them, having got two dozen of them, and sold one half-dozen of them, few being then left.
From the time I read the aforementioned paper, I was so taken with it, that I cried earnestly again and again unto the Lord, that he would vouchsafe to put the honour on me to be instrumental, in the way desired, towards its public usefulness; and on the Wednesday and Thursday, while I sat in my bed, by reason of my leg, the Lord gave something by way of recommendation of it. Herein my soul rejoiced. And by the time that I was near the close of it, on the Thursday, the surgeon came. And I was the more comforted, in that I saw the Lord had sent him, having got the contrary word, as above said. He opened the side of the callous substance with the point of his scissors; then pulled it up with pincers, which I was helped to bear: and what was raised of it, he clipped away; but near a third part of it remained, which he apprehended was not then ripe. And thus I was more comforted.
The hand of God was eminent in bringing this trial on me. I was not seeking cure of my knee by medicine, or any such way, having, from a continued tract of experience, little or no hope at all that way; but I was put upon it by those concerned for my welfare. Providence, by a repeated incident, frowned on it from the beginning; which I saw, and created me thoughts of heart. There was hardly a step of the
management of the pea, wherein there was not an error committed, afterward discerned by the effects. This not being fairly acknowledged, and duly regretted, while my leg appeared to be in danger, ruffled my spirit; but it was calmed, ere Providence set on the way of help by a surgeon; who, when he came, discovered one false step more, viz. that the pea had been put in the belly of the muscle, not between two muscles.
About that time I observed, on a particular emergent, what I had often observed before, the necessity and advantage of a principle of justice and reason, and acting therein, in cases where softer principles have no ground left them to stand on.
Meanwhile the catechising of the parish was interrupted; and I sat in the pulpit when I preached. But my soul rejoiced to observe, how my gracious God and Master still timed the hardest of my trouble, so as it had been designed, that it should be over before the Sabbath should return. But with this trouble of my leg there was joined sore eyes, occasioned by my sitting in the bed writing, in the sun-light, on the Tuesday before the surgeon came; so that, for some nights, leg and eyes were to be buckled up with their respective applications at once; and one night a dint of the toothache joined them. The callous substance was got away by degrees; and on Nov. 7, at night, what day I had intimated from the pulpit a diet of catechising again, the sore appeared closed.
That week the transcribing what I had written on Gen. 23 being ended; that I might afterward proceed as I should have access, I set myself to fill up the passages and account of my life from where I had left off, Jan. 9. While I was going on in that, there came to my hand on Saturday, Nov. 13, a letter from Mr. Hogg, bearing, his writing once more to Mr. G. and intreating his friends at London to get the MS. on the covenant from him; and proposing to me to review the notes on the "Crook in the Lot," for publication,* and advising of a motion to call me to Jedburgh, which he had heard; and withal obscurely hinting something of carrying me to a more healthy air,
out of Etterick. As for the proposal of new work for me, I found myself content to be employed whatever way the Lord himself should point out. As to that relating to Jedburgh, I neither hoped nor feared it, considering my circumstances. But the last did touch me very near, being ignorant of the particular, or what might be of it; I considered how matters were, in all outward appearance, making towards my transportation to the grave; and having a terror of making a stumble near the end of my journey, I cried from the bottom of my heart, "Wilt not thou who hast saved me from death, keep my feet from falling?" I could not but observe the mercy, that I was not quite forgotten and overlooked in the world; but I found the weight of the thought of parting with the parish of Etterick, otherways than by death, or civil violence, unless I saw them comfortably provided.
I observed the diet of catechising aforesaid; but the day was so very bad that few came to it, being at Kirkhope. The week following I had another at Buccleugh. Considering my frailty, the season, and how Providence had, by the above-mentioned trial, carried me by the time I thought fittest for the utmost corners of the parish, I laid the matter before the Lord. And rising early in the morning, I got a good seasonable day, visited a sick man by the way, had a full allowance of strength for my work of catechising, without failing of my spirits, and got home again with day-light. This merciful conduct of Providence was big in my eyes.
That week I finished filling up thus far; my eyes being now somewhat better, and the sore in the leg almost whole; but the knee always swelled, and the leg swelling somewhat in the day, and falling again in the night, the lameness continuing, and the staff still needed, and used. On the foregoing Sabbath I stood lecturing; but delivered the sermon sitting. But from the time I fell under the sore leg, I was freed from an oppression of my spirits in the morning, as to such a degree thereof as I laboured under before that time. "He doth all things well."
[Thus far the author proceeded in his narrative in November, 1731, without resuming the subject; owing, no doubt, to his growing frailty. We now for a conclusion, add the several paragraphs formerly omitted, and reserved till now.]
And now, as for the state of my body, it was never very strong; yet, considering my manner of life, there seems to have been something in my constitution, bona stamina vitœ, that has worn pretty well. A sharp cold, if withal I was dry, was agreeable to me, making me more vigorous than at other times. I had a very strong voice, till the notable breach in my health. I cannot say that ever I took very well with riding; but I could have supped better, after sitting all day in my closet, than after coming home from the presbytery at Selkirk. I remember not to have had, all my life, any formed sickness but twice; once when I had the small pox; and none at all since I was a boy. However, I have often been, since that time, in apparent danger of death, and under languishing indisposition; and could hardly have thought to have seen so many years, as I have now by the mercy of God passed; but was never to this day, that I remember, kept from preaching through indisposition; which, with my utmost thankfulness, I desire to record, to the praise of free grace. I took very little care of my diet, ate whatsoever was laid to my hand; only for many years very little salmon, being frighted from it by the effects it had on me in my youth, having unwarily mixed milk with it in my stomach; and this, as to my diet, till of late years, that I began notably to decline. I do not remember myself ever to have been sensibly the better of medicine, except the wormwood, aforementioned. I have now much given over the use of it; and do not bind up myself so strait, even in point of diet, as for some time after the notable breach in my health. My eyes do yet serve me pretty well; only I have, about a year or two, read my chapters in the morning with preserves; for many years I have used to wash my eyes, opening them in the water, which I conceive may have been profitable. But it is now long since I had teeth, wherewith duly to get my meat chewed; and there are at this time fifteen of them, and a piece of one, laid up in a box, for conservation till the due time of
disposing of them otherwise. Many years ago, I found the springseason weakening to me, even when I was in Simprin.
But the last spring [1730] was the heaviest that ever I saw. As the summer went on, I became more easy; but still a lowness of spirits seized me, and I ran out like a watch, after six o'clock at night whereby it came to pass, that I had much ado, oft-times, to be in case for the evening worship in the family. Since the autumnal equinox, [1730], I think I have been better, even in that point. I had also a great difficulty in passing urine; but that also of late seemed to become more easy. I have slept well since the time I fell ill in March last [1730]. In October I was brought to the gates of death, in Galashiels, by a sudden illness seizing me there in the night, as narrated above. At present, I am, by the mercy of God, pretty well; having some hope, I may yet, through his favour, have some access to return to my beloved study of the sacred Hebrew text.
That cast of temper, whereby I was naturally slow, timorous, and diffident, but eager in pursuit when once engaged; as it early discovered itself, so, I think, it hath spread itself along, through the whole of my course. It hath been a spring of much uneasiness to me, in the course of my life; in that I was thereby naturally fond, where I loved. Yet I cannot but observe, that my God hath made a valuable use of it; especially in my studies, combating special difficulties therein, till surmounted by his favour. Agreeable unto it, I was not of a quick apprehension; but had a gift of application; and things being once discovered, I was no more wavering in them. I was addicted to silence, rather than to talking. I was no good spokesman, but very unready even in common conversation; and in disputes especially at a loss, when engaged with persons of great assurance; the disadvantage of which last I often, found in Etterick, where an uncommon assurance reigned. The touching of my spirit, so as to set me above fear, the moving of my affections, and being once well dipped into the matter, were necessary to give me an easy exercise of my faculties, in these and other extempore performances. My talent lay in doing things by a close application, with pains and labour. I
had a tolerable faculty at drawing of papers; yet no faculty at dictating, but behoved to have the pen in my own hand; and even in that case it would often have been a while ere I could enter on. Accordingly, as for my sermons, it was often hard for me to fix on a text; the which hath ofttimes been more wasting and weakening to me, than the study of my sermon thereon. I studied my sermons with the pen in my hand, my matter coming to me as I wrote, and the bread increasing in the breaking of it; if at any time I walked, it was occasioned by my sticking. Meanwhile, it would frequently have been long ere I got the vein of my subject struck; but then I could not be easy, unless I thought I had hit it. Thence it was, I often tore out what I had written, and began anew again; but ordinarily I found, this turned to my greatest comfort and satisfaction, in the end falling upon the vein. Hence it was not my manner, to shift from text to text; but to insist long on an ordinary; the closing of which at length I readily found to relish as much, with myself, and the serious godly, as the other parts preceding.
Thus also I was much addicted to peace, and averse to controversy; though once engaged therein, I was set to go through with it. I had no great difficulty to retain a due honour and charity for my brethren differing from me in opinion and practice; but then I was in no great hazard neither, of being swayed by them, to depart from what I judged truth or duty. Withal it was easy to me, to yield to them in things wherein I found not myself in conscience bound up. Whatever precipitant steps I have made in the course of my life, which I desire to be humbled for, rashness in conduct was not my weak side. But since the Lord, by his grace, brought me to consider things, it was much my exercise to discern sin and duty in particular cases; being afraid to venture on things, until I should see myself called thereto; but when the matter was cleared to me, I generally stuck fast by it, being as much afraid to desert the way which I took to be pointed out to me. And this I sincerely judge to have been the spring of that course of conduct upon which Mr. James Ramsay above mentioned did, before the commission anno 1717, in my hearing, give me the
following character, viz. That if I thought myself right, there would be no diverting of me by any means.
I never had the art of making rich; nor could I ever heartily apply myself to the managing of secular affairs. Even the secular way of managing the discipline of the church, was so unacceptable to me, that I had no heart to dip in the public church management. What appearances I made at any time in these matters, were not readily in that way. I had a certain averseness to the being laid under any notable obligation to others, and so was not fond of gifts, especially in the case of any whom 1 had to deal with as a minister. And Providence so ordered, that I had little trial of that kind. I easily perceived, that in that case, "the borrower is servant to the lender."
As to the parish, there are few now alive that subscribed my call; nor are there, that I know, above two of the congregation of my hearers, paying rent this day, that were so doing, when I came among them, twenty-three years ago, [viz. from May 1, 1707, to Oct 24, 1730]. They are by far more polished in their manners, than at that time; and much more tractable, and easy to me; and fewer scandals fall out among them. The old dissenters continue immoveable; but their increasing is ceased. There is still a handful of serious Christians among them, as there hath been all along; and I have often observed, that as some such, from time to time, have been one way or other carried away, there came others in their stead; and whatever the Lord laid to my hand to preach on unto them, I used not to be straitened on their account; judging I would be understood, on any subject I was led to treat of. The late sickness is now, by the mercy of God, abated.
And thus have I given some account of the days of my vanity, being this 24th of October, 1730, 54 years, 7 months, and one week old.* Upon the whole, I bless my God in Jesus Christ, that ever he made me a Christian, and took an early dealing with my soul; that ever he made me a minister of the gospel, and gave me some insight into the doctrine of his grace; and that ever he gave me the blessed Bible, and
brought me acquainted with the originals, and especially with the Hebrew text. The world hath all along been a stepdame to me; and wheresoever I would have attempted to nestle in it, there was a thorn of uneasiness laid for me. Man is born crying, lives complaining, and dies disappointed from that quarter. "All is vanity and vexation of spirit.—I have waited for thy salvation, O Lord."†
T. BOSTON
———————
POSTSCRIPT
THUS far did the author bring down the history and account of his own life and times. His disorder (which was of the scorbutic kind) resisting the power of medicine, increased in its violence until May 20, 1732, when he entered into the joy of his Lord. His public services in the church of Christ, were not much interrupted by his indisposition; and when he was so dibilited by it as to be unable to go out to the church, he preached from a window in the manse, the auditory standing without. His fortitude in the immediate prospect of dissolution never forsook him. His patience under the chastisement of a Father's hand was uninterrupted. Inured to afflictions, as well personal as domestic, he bore them with that quiet submission, and unreluctant resignation, which a filial spirit can only inspire. Viewing them as originating from his heavenly Father, the habitual language of his heart was, "Shall I receive all good at the hand of God, and shall I not receive evil."
It will be obvious to the intelligent reader, that the radical principle upon which the narrative in these memoirs is founded, is, "That God hath foreordained whatsoever comes to pass." This principle the author believed with his whole heart; it was often an anchor to his
soul; and every minister of the Church of Scotland is bound, by his subscription, and ordination-vows to maintain it. This kept in view, will account for the author's ascribing to an over ruling providence many incidents, which some may think might be resolved into natural causes.
During his last illness he received the following affectionate and consolatory letter from his endeared friend, Mr. Gabriel Wilson.
"Rev. Dearest Brother,
"It has been a most real pain to me, after I was fully purposed to be with you sometime this day, to think of sending any. But the ordering seems to be of the Lord. I design to assay it again without delay, according as I hear from you.
"I hear the trial is become still more fiery; but hope you will be kept from thinking it strange, as though some strange thing had happened you. O it is difficult; but you are allowed, and even called to rejoice, in as much as you are thus made a partaker of Christ's sufferings.
"The Lord has in great favour led you forth into his truth, and is now in his fatherly wisdom giving you use for it all; calling you to shew forth the supporting and comforting power of it. Our season (if need be) of being in heaviness through manifold temptations, is made up of hours and minutes, and will soon run out; 2 Cor. 4:17, 18.
"The Son of God, your Lord and Master, is with you in the furnace, though not always visible, and will never leave you nor forsake you. May the God of hope, of patience, and consolation, the God and Father of our LORD JESUS CHRIST, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort, comfort you in all your tribulation with comforts of his covenant, and with the same comforts he has enabled you to comfort others in any trouble. You mind, Psalm 31 ult. that it is in the way of our labouring to be of good courage, that he promises to strengthen our hearts. I will yet still hope and seek, he may turn the shadow of death into morning, and spare to recover strength.
"Our session being met this day, in token of their love and sympathy, have sent the bearer, one of their number, to visit you, and bring them word.—Dearest brother, I desire to remember your bonds, as bound with you. Great grace be upon you. I am, with love to all yours, Dearest Sir, yours,
GAB. WILSON."
Maxton, April 8, 1732.
A few weeks before his death, he likewise wrote the following letter to a correspondent in Edinburgh; which, as it terminated a correspondence of twelve years' standing, and is perhaps the last letter the author ever wrote, we shall conclude this postscript with a copy of it.
"My Very Dear Sir,
"I am obliged downright to acquaint you, that I have been of a considerable time, and am still, in an apparently dying condition. All business is quite given over; and can no more, as matters stand, correspond with any about the MSS. or any thing else, but must leave them to the Lord, and the management of my friends, as he shall direct them. I do not doubt but your God, who has seen meet to row you into deep waters, will in due time bring you out; but there is need of patience.
"I cannot insist.—The eternal God be your refuge, and underneath the everlasting arms, and plentifully reward your twelve years' most substantial friendship.—I am, very dear Sir, yours, most affectionately, &c.
———————
SKETCH OF THE AUTHOR'S
CHARACTER
MR. Boston's character is drawn by three of his most intimate friends,* in the following words:—
"He was of a stature above the middle size; of a venerable, amiable aspect; of a strong and fruitful genius; of a lively imagination, such as affords what is called a ready wit, which instead of cultivating, he laid under a severe restraint; of tender affections; a clear and solid judgment; his temper candid, modest, cautions, benevolent, obliging and courteous; had a natural aversion to any thing rude or uncivil in words or behaviour, and a delicate feeling, in case of meeting with ought of that sort; could be heavy and severe in his words, when there was just occasion, or he judged the same necessary. He was early called by divine grace; all along afterwards, exercised unto godliness; walked indeed with God, in all his ways daily acknowledging him, frequent in solemn, extraordinary applications to Heaven, (viz. upon every new emergent of duty, difficulty or trial), followed with evident, comfortable, and confirming testimonies of divine acceptance and audience; a judicious observer, recorder, and improver of the dispensations of divine providence, in connection with the Word, his own frame and walk, and consequently of great experience in religion. He was accurately and extensively regardful of the divine law, in all manner of life and conversation, (even in things that escape the notice of the most part of Christians); of a tender conscience, carefully watching against, and avoiding the appearance of evil; compassionate, and sympathising with the distresse!; charitable to the needy; a dutiful husband; an indulgent father; a sincere, a faithful, and an affectionate friend; to which he had a particular cast in his temper, which proved a rich blessing to those who were favoured with his friendship. He was a considerable scholar in all the parts of theological learning, and excelled in some of them. What he was for a humanist, (even towards the latter end of
his days), his translation of his own work on the Hebrew accentuation, into good Roman Latin, will abundantly testify. Was well seen in the Greek; and for the skill he attained in the Hebrew, he will, we are satisfied, in ages to come, be admired, and had in honour by the learned world; especially when it is understood, under what disadvantages, in what obscurity and seclusion from learned assistances the work was composed; and when it is considered, how far, notwithstanding, he has outstripped all that went before him, in that study, viz. of the Hebrew accentuation. He understood the French, and for the sake of comparing translations, could read the Dutch Bible. There were few pieces of learning, that he had not some good taste of. But all his knowledge behoved to be otherwise discovered, than by professing of it. He was a hard student, of indefatigable application, so that whatever he was once heartily engaged in, he knew not to quit, till by help from heaven, and incessant labour, he got through it. Had a great knowledge and understanding of human nature, of the most proper methods of addressing it, and the most likely handles for catching hold of it. He had an admirable talent at drawing a paper, which made a statesman,* a very able judge say, (when Mr. Boston was clerk of the synod of Merse and Teviotdale), that he was the best clerk he had ever known, in any court civil or ecclesiatical. An admirer of other men's gifts and parts, liberally giving them their due praise, even though in some things they differed from him; far from censorious, assuming or detracting.
As a minister, he had on his spirit a deep and high sense of divine things; was mighty in the scriptures, in his acquaintance with the letter, with the spirit and sense of them, in happily applying and accommodating them, for explaining and illustrating the subject. His knowledge and insight in the mystery of Christ was great; though a humbling sense of his want of it, was like to have quite sunk and laid him by, after he began to preach. He had a peculiar talent for going deep into the mysteries of the gospel, and at the same time for making them plain; making intelligible their connection with, and influence upon gospel holiness; notable instances of which may be
seen in his most valuable "Treatise of the Covenant," and in his "Sermons of Christ in the form of a Servant." His invention was rich, but judiciously bounded; his thoughts were always just, and often new; his expressions proper and pure, his illustrations and similies often surprising; his method natural and clear; his delivery grave and graceful, with an air of earnestness, meekness, assurance, and authority, tempered together. No wonder his ministrations in holy things, were all of them dear and precious to the saints. He was fixed and established upon solid and rational grounds, in the reformation principles, in opposition to popery, prelacy, superstition, and persecution; was pleasant and lively in conversation, but always with a decornm to his character; quite free of that sourness of temper or ascetical rigidity, that generally posseses men of a retired life. He fed and watched with diligence, the flock over which the Holy Ghost made him overseer; and not withstanding his eager pursuit of that study which was his delight, he abated nothing of his preparation for the Sabbath, nor his work abroad in the parish: nor did he so much as use the short hand, whereof he was master, but always wrote out his sermons fair, and generally as full as he preached them; far from serving the Lord with that which cost him nothing, it was his delight to spend, and be spent in the service of the gospel; was a faithful, and at the same time, a prudent reprover of sin; was endued with a rich measure of Christian wisdom and prudence, without craft or guile, whereby he was exceedingly serviceable in judicatories, and excellent fitted for counsel in intricate cases; zeal and knowledge were in him united, to a pitch rarely to be met with. Had a joint concern for purity and peace in the church; no man more zealous for the former and at the same time more studious of the latter; having observed and felt so much of the mischief of division and separation, was exceedingly cautious and scrupulous of any thing new or unprecedented, until he was thoroughly satisfied of its necessity and ground. It was his settled mind, that solidily and strongly to establish the truth, was in many cases, the best, the shortest, and most effectual way to confute error, without irritating and inflaming the passions of men, to their own, and to the truth's prejudice; on all which accounts, he was much respected and regarded, by not only his brethren that differed
from him, but generally by all sorts of men. To conclude, he was a scribe singularly instructed into the kingdom.—Happy in finding out acceptable words, a workman that needed not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth, a burning and a shining light. The righteous shall be had in everlasting remembrance." His friends add; "Though a skilful hand might, in fewer words, have drawn his character, to much better purpose, there is no partiality, by overdoing in what is said, if intimate friendship for many years, and the account of his own life done by himself, are allowed for competent evidence."
The late worthy Rev. Thomas Davidson, late minister of Burntee, adds:
"The acquaintance I had with him, and the frequent opportunities I had of hearing him preach, I look upon as one of the greatest privileges wherewith I was favoured in my early days, and which I still reflect on with great pleasure. He was indeed one of the most powerful preachers I ever heard open a mouth. It is true, he was no Boanerges, as to his voice, his delivery being grave and deliberate, yet there was a majestic energy in it which, together with his venerable and comely aspect, made no small impression to his advantage, on the minds of those who had the pleasure of hearing him. There were but few men, (if any), in his day, who courted popularity less than he did; nay, he rather shunned it; but, like his shadow, it followed him wherever he went; for his ministrations were savoury and acceptable to all who had a relish for the truth as it is in Jesus, and a love to that holiness of heart and life, which the belief of it never fails to influence in the minds of all the chidren of God. He had a talent peculiar to himself in pointing out the propriety of the proofs of the doctrines he was handling. His more than ordinary critical knowledge of the original languages in which the scriptures were written, enabled him in a brief but comprehensive way, to glance at the meaning of the Spirit of God in them, that was both surprising and edifying to the hearers; these enlargements were not written, but left to the time of delivery."
COPY OF HIS PERSONAL COVENANT
O LORD, the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, I confess from my heart, that I am by nature a lost and undone sinner, wholly corrupted, and laid under the curse, in Adam, through the breach of the covenant of works; and have ruined myself more and more by my innumerable actual transgressions, whereby my whole life appears in mine eyes this day a heap of vanity, sin, and foolishness. I am fully convinced, and do from my heart acknowledge, that I am utterly unable to help myself, in whole or in part, out of this gulf of sin and misery, into which I am plunged; and that it is beyond the reach of the whole creation to help me out of it; so that I must inevitably perish for ever, if thine own strong hand do not make help to me. But forasmuch as there is a covenant of grace, for life and salvation to lost sinners, established between THEE and thine own SON, the Lord Jesus Christ, as second Adam; wherein, upon condition of his fulfilling all righteousness, which is now performed, in his having been born perfectly holy, lived altogether righteously, and made perfect satisfaction to justice by his death and sufferings, thou hast promised that thou wilt be their God, and they shall be thy people, to the making of them holy and happy for ever; and that this covenant is, in Christ the head thereof, offered and exhibited to me in thy gospel, and thou callest me into the fellowship thereof, in him; therefore, (adhering to my former acceptings and taking hold of it, declared whether by word or writ before thee, without wilful mistaking of it, or known guile), upon the warrant of, and in obedience to, thy command and call, I in myself a poor perishing sinner, and worthy to perish, do now again TAKE HOLD of that COVENANT, for life and salvation to ME; believing on the name of Christ crucified, the head thereof, offered and exhibited to me, as the great High Priest, who, by the sacrifice of himself, hath made atonement, paid the ransom, and brought in everlasting righteousness for poor sinners. I CREDIT his word of grace to me, and accordingly TRUST on him, that he with his righteousness will be mine, and that, in and through him, God will be my God, and I shall be one of his people, to the making of me holy and happy for
over. O my God, I do by thy grace acquiesce in that covenant, as all my salvation, and all my desire, with my whole heart and soul. The SON incarnate is my only PRIEST, my surety, my intercessor, and my Redeemer; and, in him, the FATHER my FATHER; the HOLY GHOST my SANCTIFIER; GOD in CHRIST my GOD. I resign myself, soul and body, to him, to be saved by his blood alone; renouncing all confidence in mine own righteousness, doings, and sufferings. With my whole heart and soul, he is my HEAD and HUSBAND; and I am his only, wholly, and for ever; to live by him, to him, and for him. I take him for my alone PROPHET, Oracle, and Guide; give up myself wholly to him, to be taught, guided, and directed, in all things, by his word and Spirit; and renounce mine own wisdom, and the wisdom of this world. He is, with my heart's consent, my alone KING and LORD. And I resign myself wholly, soul and body, unto him, to be rescued, by the strength of his mighty hand, from sin, death, the devil, and this present evil world, for to serve him for ever, and to be ruled by the will of his command, as to my duty, and the will of his providence as to my lot. I am with my whole heart content (Lord, thou knowest) to part with, and do renounce every known sin, lust, or idol, and particularly that sin which most easily besets me; together with my own foolish will, and all other lords besides him; without reservation, and without exception againt his cross. Protesting in thy sight, O Lord, that I am, through grace, willing to have discovered unto me, and upon discovery to part with, every sin in me that I know not; and that the doubtings and averseness of heart, mixed with this my accepting of thy covenant, are what I allow not; and that notwithstanding thereof, I look to be accepted of thee herein, in the Beloved thine only Son and my Saviour, purging away these, with all my other sins, by his precious blood. Let it be recorded in heaven, O Lord, and let the bed on which I leaned, the timber, and the stones, and all other things about me here, in my closet, bear witness, that I, though most unworthy, have this second day of December, One thousand seven hundred and twenty-nine years, here taken hold of, and come into thy covenant of grace, offered and exhibited to me in thy gospel, for time and eternity; and that thou art