might get clear uptakings of what I was to preach; 4. Success in my
was more confirmed in the business; and when I was weaned, and brought to stoop to providence, he showed me that the fears were groundless.
March 25.—I had been for some time before this, and was still, under a very dead and drowsy frame of spirit, I was sore racked with various thoughts, and had a sharp exercise of it that night, and next day especially. I therefore resolved, against Monday, to set some time apart for fasting and prayer, that I might get that devil cast out of my heart. So the Sabbath passed, and I walked halting; my case being so after sermon, that if my head had been to have been struck off, I could not have given it a name. The removal then of that spiritual indisposition was the chief cause of that exercise; 2. Victory over sin; 3. Preparation for the then ensuing public fast, and particularly that I might get clear uptakings of what I was to preach; 4. Success in my ministry; lastly, That I might attain to habitual cheerfulness in the Lord. So I spent some time this day in prayer for these things. The Lord in the morning began to blow upon my soul, and continued so to do through the rest of the day I was at that work; and with all willingness of soul I renewed and subscribed a personal covenant with God. And as of myself, so of my friend, I made a solemn resignation to the Lord. And towards the close of that exercise, I earnestly prayed, that if it were his will, I might have a token of his reception of both. My heart was calmed and strengthened in the Lord, and my mind made heavenly. I closed the whole with singing Psalm 116:7, and downwards, and then went down and took a refreshment. The tenor of the personal covenant I then renewed and subscribed is as follows:—
"I, Mr. Thomas Boston, minister of God's word at Simprin; forasmuch as I am in some measure sensible of my grievous, horrid, and frequent backslidings from the Lord, since the last time I covenanted with God; and in particular, having been for some time habitually in a dead and sleepy frame, for which cause (among others mentioned elsewhere) I set this day apart for fasting and prayer; and finding myself called to renew my covenant with God, the rather to
obtain the ends of this day's exercise, and to get my soul more confirmed in the Lord, for wading through the difficulties 'twixt me and heaven, in prayer I did, and now (giving it under my hand) I do, adhere to all my former covenants with, and engagements to be the Lord Jesus Christ's, particularly that written and subscribed covenant of the date, August 14, 1699;* and do now with all my heart and soul, solemnly resign and give up myself, and all my bodily and spiritual concerns, unto Christ; taking him with heart and soul upon those very terms, and no other, upon which he is offered in the gospel; resolving and hereby engaging, in his strength, to cleave to him and his truths, so long as I live, whatever be the hazard. Likeas I have, and hereby do, solemnly give up and resign K. B. to the same Lord Christ, that I have given myself to be his for ever. And this before the Lord, the searcher of hearts, I do with all willingness subscribe, the 25th day of March, 1700 years. T. B."
March 26.—I think I had never more persuasion of God's accepting my renewing of covenant than that yesterday. I rejoice I have done it, when I think on it; and I am persuaded God has accepted it; for I have had covenanted strength since, as well as the token aforesaid. That word was sweet to me in my ordinary last night; Isa. 54:6, "The Lord hath called thee as a woman forsaken and grieved in spirit, and a wife of youth; when thou wast refused, saith thy God."
April 23.—My father, in the time of his sickness, had (as he had also before) urged me to put an end to that business; and then I found I was inclined not to delay it long. And another thing came immediately after, which obliged me to be at a point in that matter. This day I set myself to spend some time in seeking light from the Lord in that point. I prayed twice, but was in no good case, and so could not fall on what I aimed at. I tried it again, and after a while I got my feet fastened; the Spirit did blow on me, and the matter was laid out before the Lord; and my conscience told me, that I did sincerely desire God's determination in the case; which desire I saw as the sun at noon-day. The upshot of all was, to follow the conduct of providence. On the morrow, having gone to God with it again in
particular, and after considering the business, I found reasons weighty for not delaying it much longer. I also found I was in better case for expediting it than I had thought, being then made sensible of a mistake. Providence, even in the review at this distance, I plainly see to have been, at that time, clearly pointing and conducting me, by several steps thereof, unto it. Accordingly, on Monday the 29th, I went away to visit my friend; and, following the conduct of providence, we determined the business to the middle of July; and so I returned cheerfully, and ever after was well satisfied as to the determination of the time.
May 24.—At night, before family exercise, I was somewhat cast down and troubled by reason of some remaining difficulties in the accomplishing of my business. At prayer I took occasion to bewail this; and so it was, that my soul seeing more of the vanity of the world, and longing for heaven, I found my soul blessing God for troubles in the world; for I well saw, that otherwise I would have been saying, "It is good for me to be here." Blessed be the Lord for that word which we sung; Psalm 85, ult. "What is good the Lord will give." I think I can believe it, though I see it not. Lord help my unbelief. May 28 and 29, I was taken up in business relative thereto, and was helped to manage matters with an eye to God, and my heart was lifted up in admiration of divine conduct, making mountains molehills.
June 3.—Having purposed to spend some time this day in prayer, with fasting, with respect especially to my marriage, I rose early this morning; and though I found much of yesterday's frame continuing, yet wanted I not some secret heart-averseness to that work. After prayer, I considered what I was to plead for. And, First, As to my marriage, 1. That the Lord would clear up duty more and more, that we may go on under a sense of God's command; 2. That he would pardon mismanagements in the oncarrying of it; 3. That he would give us a suitable frame for such a weighty business, and particularly in the time of it; 4. Conjugal love and concord; 5. Contentment as to our choice, and with our lot in the world; 6. That we may be
spiritually useful to one another, and particularly with respect to a time of trouble for the gospel; 7. That we may live loose to one another, ready to part on a call; and that God would provide things necessary for our through-bearing; Lastly, That I may be spared with her a while; and if I be taken away, she may not be left destitute, but God may be her tutor. Secondly, Victory over corruption. Thirdly, Success in my ministry. Lastly, Preparation for the fast at Fogo. These things I earnestly sought of the Lord; and as I went on, I won very near God, attaining to familiarity and confidence with the Lord; so that I was made to bless the day I set about this work. My heart and flesh were all aloft towards Christ. After I had come from that exercise, in the afternoon I received a letter from her, wherein she showed me some piece of exercise she was under, and the prevalency of unbelief with her, with something importing fears of approaching death. This did somewhat amuse me, and made me wonder what might be the language of it to me. I had prayed for a token of the Lord's accepting this service, and this seemed not to be such. But, on further consideration, I found I had no great reason to complain, but rather to bless the Lord, who made her careful of her salvation, and exercised with her own heart at such a juncture. And I had liberty with the Lord on her account. As for the fears of approaching death, it is like God has sent it to ballast me, and keep me watchful; and I am the Lord's, let him do what seemeth him good. I found my heart last week, and at this time, more clear in the sight of the world's vanity, and going more after being with Christ, which I see is best of all, than a good while before. Her case and my own sent me sometimes to God. But at night I grew so very apprehensive of her death, that my ballast was like to sink me. I strove to encourage myself, but nothing could effectually do. But I saw the cause of it. And on the morrow morning so was it with me, still I sunk, when I thought on it; so easily was I overcome after such kind dealing. It sent me again and again to the Lord. (N. B. See how Providence filled up what I had most unaccountably forgot in the causes above mentioned; for what reason can be given, that when I had made it one of my errands to God, that I might be spared with her, that I should not also with that have been concerned that she might be
spared with me?) I behoved to go to the Presbytery; and I won but so far above it, as to let it be only ballast to my heart, and to make me watchful, and prepare for whatever should come. And so it proved very useful to me this day both abroad and at home. And so was it the next day while studying the sermon for Fogo.
June 8.—I minded to declare my purpose to two of the elders, and went to God on that head; but was very dull in my frame; but one of them could not be got. So I delayed to this day, at which time it was better with me. So that I came to them with confidence in God, leaning on and getting use made of that word which God said to me before I came to Simprin, "The eternal God shall be thy refuge," &c. And I could not but observe the Lord's putting a stop to it till I was in this case.
June 13.—Thursday, I met with a severe stroke. On the Monday afternoon and Tuesday I had fallen secure again; had only some awakening gliffs, and sad experience of the instability of my heart; which lay so heavy on me on Tuesday's night, that I would have been content to have quitted all, to have been out of the reach of a woful heart, and to have had a dying-day instead of a marriage-day. On Wednesday, it was once better; but ere that day was gone, my vigour spiritual was gone. This morning I had little freedom in prayer. I preached the weekly sermon with an overly superficial moving of the affections. After the sermon a while, I went out to the garden, and there was a spit sticking in the wall of the house, with the small end of it outmost. I rushed inadvertently my face on it, and the wound that I got was about a straw-breadth beneath the eye. I was stupified with it, and knew not but it had gone into the eye-ball. It swelled to a great bigness, and covered a great part of my eye. I was afraid of losing my eye. It sent me to the Lord, confessing my sin, and taking with the punishment of mine iniquity; and I got a patient, quiet, submissive, and contented frame under the rod, endeavouring to trust God come what would. Great mercy it was that it was not a straw-breadth higher; for then it would have digged out my eye. I endeavoured to sit loose to my friend, and all created enjoyments,
which I thought God called for by that rod. On the morrow the thoughts of my falling off so frequently to provoke the Lord, and so bringing one rod after another on myself, made heaven very desirable to me. And noticing the way of providence with me, I kissed this rod, for there was a deal of kindness in it.
June 23.—I preached at Eymouth, under great withdrawings of the Spirit, as before narrated. This business has been a snare to me since it came so near a period. If I had not guided better before, I could have had little comfort in it. God is my witness, that it has been and is my grief, that in my thoughts of it I cannot be more heavenly; and that I cannot more vigorously look to God with respect to it. If this day eight days, when I am to be proclaimed, be such a day as this, I think I will be wounded with the arrows of the Almighty; for that it should be so at this juncture is a double misery.
June 28.—Wherefore I spent some time this day in prayer, with respect to my marriage mainly; was solidly affected with it, and helped to believe; and have hitherto felt my spirit bettered thereby, keeping somewhat more closely with God than before. Yesterday I had a view of my need of Christ, and the supplies of his grace; and had much inward satisfaction flowing from the sense of my soul's nearness to God, and my heart's being kept in some measure with God. And this day the thoughts of that business was a spur to duty.
June 30.—This day was a good day. I got my heart earnest for God's presence, and I wanted neither light nor life in my work. And finishing a particular subject that day, my soul was affected and melted with the people's case.
July 9.—This day I found myself under a great decay again; but discoursing with a good lad, he had occasion to speak of these two scriptures, "Truly God is good to Israel," upon which I seemed to have a sight of the Lord's goodness; and that, "If thy presence go not with me, carry us not up hence;" which had such an impression on me, that upon it I had some revival. But by my carelessness it slipped
away, and great darkness and hardness of heart succeded. A while after these seemed to be going away; but neither was that right guided; and then I was carried quite off my feet. On the morrow especially, I saw my confidence with God was quite marred, and sin lay heavy on soul and conscience. And though I spent a good part of the day, the weary day, in fasting and prayer, the Lord would not hear me, neither could I win to any meltedness of heart; only I had tormenting light without life. Afterwards Mr. G—— R—— came; but I was indisposed both in body and mind, heavy and melancholy, unfit for any thing whatsoever. Yet at length, while I lifted up my dejected eyes to the Lord, and we conversed about the measure of humiliation requisite in a sinner before he come to Christ, concerning selfcondemnation, &c., I found I spoke only what I felt. So in the very time while we thus walked up and down, and discoursed, the Lord loosed the poor prisoner; my heart loosed, and my bands were taken off. And I observed my body grew better, when the cure was begun in my soul. Afterwards I went to God, poured out my soul before him like water, with grief for sin, and confidence of his mercy. And then I was helped to wrestle in earnest with God for his presence to be with me with respect to my business. By the Lord's dealing thus severely with me, I had a sight of the excellency of Christ; and when I won near God, O but my soul prized Christ as the Mediator, and way to the Father; and my heart was in love with the doctrine of the gospel, even free grace. I spent some time thereafter in the fields meditating, with a deep sense of my own vileness. On the morrow I had real struggling ere I could get my heart right, but not without success. I saw nothing desirable in the world but Christ and ordinances. And I had much of the felt presence of God in preaching my sermon, (it being Thursday.) Thereafter, in secret, I found my confidence in the Lord was enlarged, as to what is before me, and otherwise; and my soul was affected with a sense of my misery and nothingness; but blessed be the Lord for his kindness to vile me.
July 11.—Towards night I met with a sweet seasonable providence, which enlarged my heart in thankfulness to God, encouraging me in the business before me, and making me set up another Ebenezer.
Thereafter meditating in the fields, I was filled with joy in the Lord, and my heart was glad, while I had discoveries of Christ made to my soul, and was helped to see his sufficiency, and to believe. So that my soul was filled with praises and admiration of the Lord's kindness to poor me at this juncture, notwithstanding my woeful backslidings from him before. O the doctrine of the gospel, and revelation of Christ, is sweet to my soul. I have had felt strength against corruption this day.
July 13.—Saturday. This day I was to go to Kelso, from whence I was to go straight to Culross. And I found the Lord was with me, and helped me to wrestle with him for his presence to my marriage, and to-morrow's work. The testimony of my conscience witnessing to me, that I had acknowledged God in this my way, was a sweet help to me, to believe my steps should be directed by him. I found a more than ordinary concern on my heart for my charge, and their case touched my heart very nearly. I came away in the strength of the Lord; and the serenity of my mind that I enjoyed at this time was sweet to me.
July 14.—This morning when I awoke, I was with God, and my soul had confidence in the Lord; yet ere I went to the church, some wandering thoughts rushed in and marred my case; so that in the first prayer I was much deserted, and very faint both in body and mind. But being thus emptied of myself, the Lord filled my sails in all the other parts of the day's work. And betwixt sermons I had such felt strength from the Lord, that I admired and rejoiced in his love; for he really set me on my high places; and his love at this juncture was wondrous in my eyes. So in his strength I went away again, and we sung Psalm 138:5, and downwards. I sung it with an uplifted heart, and light from the Lord; and for the 5th verse, "Yea in the righteous ways of God," &c., though I saw little in it when I gave out the psalm, yet when sung, O how sweet, confirming, and soulstrengthening was it to me, even with respect to my business; for I saw it was the way of commanded duty. For the whole of it, I thought, if I had been at the penning of that part of that psalm which we sung, for my present case, I would not have altered one word of it.
I preached and prayed with great light and life from the Lord. At night my heart was glad, and my glory rejoiced to speak of Christ. And thus was it with me when honest J. E. came in to me, with whom I conversed with an uplifted heart. When we were going to part, I told him of what was before me; but he was an instrument of discouragement to me, by means of my own corruption. The good man said particularly, If you acknowledge God in your ways, &c. This seemed to me said with such an air of jealousy, that my proud heart murmured at it; which was after matter of mourning to me. Thereafter I found my strength abated; but I gave myself to prayer, and wrestling with God for his presence to go with me. As I was filling a pipe, and my heart was discouraged in that, I found not God with me as before, I gave a glance to the Bible lying open on the table before me, and met with that word; Isa. 40:27, "Why sayest thou, O Jacob, and speakest, O Israel, My way is hid from the Lord, and my judgment is passed over from my God?" and finding it so speaking, I read on to the end of the chapter, where all was most seasonable, and suited to my case. So I went away immediately to the Lord with it, cried to him, and got strength to believe, that seeing I waited on God, my strength should be renewed.
July 17.—I came yesterday to Barhill in the strength of the Lord, leaning on that promise; Isa. 40 ult., "They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles, they shall run and not be weary; and they shall walk and not be faint;" and that was all I had. This day in the afternoon I withdrew from company, and sought the Lord in secret; and afterwards, before the minister came, I went to prayer with the family and relations present, particularly for the Lord's blessing with respect to the marriage; and was much helped of the Lord. Mr. Mair having come, went alone into a room, and staid some time; and I went into another alone, and spent the time in prayer; and then the Lord was kind to my soul; he drew near to me, and said to me, Fear not; and I came forth in the strength of the Lord. The action was gone about most sweetly by Mr. Mair. The Lord directed him to most seasonable and pertinent exhortations, and they came with power and life. Of a truth
God owned it, and it was sweet both to him and us. As for my part, my heart being touched with the finger of God, was sensibly going forth in love to Christ, and admiration of him, to my great comfort and satisfaction. So we were married betwixt eight and nine o'clock at night. Immediately after I withdrew into the room where I was before, and went to God, (it was the upper western room), and there the Lord filled my heart with joy in himself unspeakable, and loaded me with loving-kindness, truth, and faithfulness. Verily he made me renew my strength, and gave it me with palpable increase. Verily the Lord did great things for me at that juncture as ever; and my soul was made to rejoice in him.
Thus was I by all-wise providence yoked with my wife, with whom I have now, [1730], by the mercy of God, lived thirty years complete; a woman of great worth, whom I therefore passionately loved, and inwardly honoured; a stately, beautiful, and comely personage, truly pious, and fearing the Lord; of an evenly temper, patient in our common tribulations, and under her personal distresses; a woman of bright natural parts, an uucommon stock of prudence; of a quick and lively apprehension, in things she applied herself to; great presence of mind in surprising incidents; sagacious and acute in discerning the qualities of persons, and therefore not easily imposed upon; modest and grave in her deportment, but naturally cheerful; wise and affable in conversation, having a good faculty at speaking, and expressing herself with assurance; endowed with a singular dexterity in dictating of letters; being a pattern of frugality, and wise management of household affairs, therefore entirely committed to her; well fitted for, and careful of, the virtuous education of her children; remarkably useful to the country-side, both in the Merse and in the Forest, through her skill in physic and surgery, which in many instances, a peculiar blessing appeared to be commanded upon from heaven; and, finally, a crown to me in my public station and appearances. During the time we have lived together hitherto, we have passed though a sea of trouble, as yet not seeing the shore but afar off. I have sometimes been likely to be removed from her; she having had little continued health, except the first six weeks, her
death hath sometimes stared us in the face, and hundreds of arrows have pierced my heart on that score; and sometimes I have gone with a trembling heart to the pulpit, laying my account with being called out of it, to see her expire. And now for the third part of the time we have lived together, namely, ten years complete, she has been under a particular racking distress; and for several of these years, fixed to her bed; in the which furnace, the grace of God in her hath been brightened, her parts continued to a wonder, and her beauty, which formerly was wont, upon her recoveries, to leave no vestige of the illness she had been under, doth as yet now and then shew some vestiges of itself.
PERIOD VIII
FROM MY MARRIAGE, TILL MY
REMOVAL TO ETTERICK
AT and about the time of my marriage, it pleased the Lord to deal bountifully with my soul. And the Lord's day immediately following I preached at Dunning in Strathern. I was habitually kept right these days, and the Lord was kind to me. I met with a sharp trial after so fair a blink as I had; and while I was musing on the causes of the same, I found myself called to go to secret prayer at a time unexpected; and within a little after, the Lord was graciously pleased to let me find he had heard me, and the dispensation was sweet, coming as an answer of prayer. But when I came to Dunning on the Saturday's night, I found myself wrong, having neither heart nor hand for my work. On the Sabbath morning my indisposition continued, save that at family prayer my affections were loosed, and I had a deep sense of my own vileness on my spirit. In the forenoon it was neither very ill nor very well; but in the afternoon my bands were freely loosed, and I had light and life from the Lord. I preached on Psalm 18:46, "The Lord liveth, and blessed be my rock;" the which text I was led to, as my anchor-ground, in my new circumstances through the change of my lot. And that week we came home to Simprin.
Until the 15th of August, the weekly sermon was continued in the kirk; at which time, being intermitted because of the harvest, it was begun again on the 7th of November in the house, and that in the night. And after that manner that exercise was managed during the remaining time of my ministry in that place.
Nov. 14.—This has been a time of many troubles to me, so that I have sometimes wondered what the Lord minded to do with me. Now, I
had a very sharp one, but was quickly delivered; so on the morrow I spent some time in fasting and prayer, and renewed my covenant with the Lord; and it pleased the Lord to let out something of himself to me, so that, reflecting on my troubles, I clearly saw my need of them, with a deal of convincing power, and my soul was made to see God's love in them all, and from my heart I was made to say, he had done all things well. The fruit of them is, that I have thereby seen the vanity of all things besides Christ, and that there is no rest but in him alone, and to desire to be with him, which is best of all.
In April 1701, my dear father sickened again; and death appearing on its way, the rest of his children were sent for. They being come, he, on Sabbath the 13th of that month, after a sore toss of sickness, especially after sermons, died that night, in the 70th year of his age, having been born in December, 1631. This sharp rod the Lord had shaken over my head that time twelve months before, for my warning. However, being laid on, it went to the quick with me. It was a heavy death to me, the shock of which I had much ado to stand. He was a man of a low stature, of a fresh and lively complexion; nimble, strong, and vigorous: active, and given to application in business; one who, in the worst of times, retained his integrity, beyond many; and, in view of death, gave comfortable evidences of eternal life to be obtained through the Lord Jesus Christ. His body lies interred in the church-yard of Simprin, in the burial-place of the ministers there, whereof I thereby took possession, and soon had more occasion for.
On the 24th of May, about two or three o'clock in the morning, my wife, after long and sore labour, brought forth her first child, a daughter, called Katharine; having, at the holy and just pleasure of the sovereign Former of all things, a double harelip, whereby she was rendered incapable of sucking. My wife having a great terror of the pains of child bearing, had before-hand laid her account with death; as she always I think, did on that occasion thereafter; having, at the same sovereign pleasure, an uncommon share of these pains, the remembrance whereof to this day makes my heart to shrink. When I, understanding her to be delivered, and preserved, was coming
towards the chamber to see her; Mrs. Dawson above-mentioned meeting me, intimated to me the case of the child; with which my heart was struck, like a bird shot and falling from a tree. Howbeit I bore it gravely; and my afflicted wife carried the trial very christianly and wisely, after her manner. Thus it pleased my God, to correct me for my sins; to balance my enjoyment; and to teach to acknowledge him, in the formation of children in the womb. The child being weak, was baptized by Mr. Dawson the same day; and was for a long time watched in the night, through the summer. In that dear child's case, I had a singular experience of tender love melted down in pity; as considering her teeth set on edge through the parent's eating of the sour grape.
After my father's death, his tenement in the Newton of Dunse falling to me, by his disposition thereof in my favour, I thereby became liable to a burden of 1000 merks; whereof 100 had been borrowed money, the rest allotted by him for the portions of two brothers and two sisters; my eldest brother having long before received another tenement for his portion, and discharged my father and his heirs. They having also charged me with an account of his moveables, which I then possessed, or claimed, I took advice about it; and being convinced in my conscience, that their design was quite beside the intention of the dead; and that, in law and justice, I had a charge upon them, more than sufficient to balance the same; I resolved to assay to satisfy these my brothers and sisters, by advancing their money as soon as might be.
In pursuance of which project, I went to Barhill about the harvest; and the child having appeared to grow better at the quarter's end, took my wife along with me. There I received a part of her portion; for which I paid interest to my mother-in-law till the year 1709, at which time she was removed by death; the remains thereof, some time after that, I received being in Etterick. But that journey proved a very heavy one, for our trial. By the way thither, my wife swooned at Danskin; which seemed to be occasioned by ram's mutton afforded us there to dinner. She recovering, we accomplished our journey.
And being in Inzevair [in the parish of Torryburn, Fifeshire], in her sister's house, on a morning she lying abed after I was risen, dreamed that she saw the child perfect, the natural defect being made up, and extraordinary beautiful. This making impression, as it could hardly miss to do, we returned homeward as soon as conveniently we could. Arriving at Black's-mill, about eight or nine miles from home, in a little our hearts were pierced with an account, that our dear child was dead and buried. After which, we came home in great heaviness; and found, that very day, and hour of the day, as near as could be judged, wherein my wife had the dream aforesaid, the child had died. Thus it pleased the Lord, to exercise us with one affliction on the neck of another; and, as I have often experienced, the world's laying their over-load above the burden from the holy sovereign hand; so it was afterwards found, that one of our acquaintance had very unjustly spoke to the grief of us whom the Lord had wounded.
Being through the interest of Mr. James Ramsay aforesaid, and other friends, chosen by the synod to be their clerk, I entered on that office, at their meeting in October this year; and continued therein till the close of their meeting in April, 1711, at which time I did demit. That work was a matter of great weight on several accounts. When I first took the seat among them, and stood up for to read, being in great confusion, through my natural diffidence and timorousness, I blundered; but recovering myself, with much ado made it out. Upon which occasion, Mr. Ramsay did seasonably express his confidence of me notwithstanding. The oath de fideli administratione I declined; and they were pleased to accept of my promise, to serve them faithfully, and keep their secrets; which I strictly observed. It was a work of great labour and painfulness; even the reading of papers was a business of great toil. In time of their sederunts, I took short minutes of the substance of their actings, which in the interval of diets I extended; the which occasioned my sitting up great part of the night. And their meetings falling in the times of the year wherein I was weakest, I could not have endured, but that they did not last long. After the two first synods, being always desirous to do the
business to the best advantage I could reach, I did of my own proper motion ordinarily make a third copy of the minutes; but this at home, at my leisure. Then the synod-book was once a-year to be filled up, for the general assembly to visit it. I often sat in my seat among them, as one wandering in a wilderness, while I observed the sway of their opinions and reasonings, in order to take up the mind of the court; but through the divine assistance, I ordinarily took up, and expressed, their affairs, so as to please, and to facilitate their work. And I had a very honourable testimony, in that point, of my Lord Minto, who had been clerk to the council of Scotland, expressed on occasion of his being present at the synod; the which testimony raised in my heart, admiration of the divine condescension, and thankfulness to my God. When I entered on that office, the fees were 14d. a-synod by each minister; afterward they were advanced to five groats; but, in the year 1703, they raised the same to half a dollar, being 29d. And during the time I continued in Simprin, these fees were paid very well. By an account of the gain, by that office, kept for the first five years, I find it was better than £100 Scots communibus annis.
The synod meeting at Jedburgh, on Tuesday, April 21, 1702, I was obliged, upon that occasion, to leave my wife, having, I think, passed her reckoning. And by the disposal of holy Providence, for our farther trial, the synod continued sitting even on the Thursday afternoon. They being at length risen, I took horse that evening; and riding all night, got home about the morning-light; where, by the mercy of God, I found my wife still well, though in perplexity. On the Wednesday after, April 29, about the going down of the sun, she brought forth her first son, John, who was baptized on the 1st day of May, by Mr. John Pow, minister at Lennel. In his appearance our hearts were comforted, after the heavy trial in the case of his sister; finding that our God would "not chide continually, nor keep his anger for ever." And as he was always a proper child, so he is this day a very stately and pretty man; the which I deem just to remark, to the praise of our merciful and compassionate God, who formerly had afflicted us.
Being invited, I assisted at the communion in Morbattle, in the month of June this year. And here began a particular friendship between the worthy Mr. John Simson, minister there, and me; which lasted till he was removed by death in or about the year 1722. He was a serious good man; a most pathetic, zealous, and popular preacher, and withal substantial in his sermons; having a most ready gift; always concerned to gain souls to Jesus Christ; blessed with a great measure of his Master's countenance; and most acceptable to the people. He had a singular easiness and sweetness of temper, which continued with him to the last. He was, in the end of his days, confined for a long time to his bed; in which time, visiting him, in company with my two friends Messrs Wilson and Davidson, we found him still lovely and pleasant as before.
The first time I administered the sacrament of the Lord's supper in Simprin, was on the 2d of August that year; and it was done yearly thereafter, while I continued in that place. At that time it was administered in the kirk, there being sermon also without; but I think that was the only time, except in the winter, that it was not celebrated without doors. The Lord was very gracious to me in that work; and l have a savoury remembrance of my delivering of that my first action-sermon on Psalm 40:7, "Then said I, Lo, I come." Going out in time of serving the tables, and finding the meeting without wanting a minister, I, under the impressions of the Lord's goodness then upon me, stepped into the tent, and preached a while to them extempore, on Deut. 33:29, "Happy art thou, O Israel; who is like unto thee, O people saved by the Lord, the shield of thy help, and who is the sword of thy excellency!" &c. Mr. Simson aforesaid was one of my assistants at that time; and we continued our mutual assistance thereafter for ordinary; only it was once interrupted a little, after the year 1709, as will be noticed in the proper place. And many a good day of that nature we had together, especially at Morbattle.
This was the first year of the reign of Queen Anne, the oath of allegiance to whom I took; but did thereafter often desiderate a due
impression thereof on my spirit. I endeavoured, while she lived, to keep the sense of it on my heart; but unto this day I never took another, whether of a public or private nature.
Hitherto we lived in the house where I settled when I came to the place; and while there, though I remember not the particular time, I began the evening lecture in my family, on the chapter read in our ordinary, nightly. And that custom I have continued to this day; save in the Sabbath-nights, of late years at least. When at any time there seemed to be some occasion of intermitting it, I chose rather to say a very little, than quite to let it alone; fearing that one intermission thereof, at our ordinary times, might make way for dropping it altogether.
In the end of the year, the winter being begun, we removed into the new manse, built for me from the foundation, and by that time covered; but little of the wright's work within it was then done; but was a-doing through the winter. The ground whereon it was built, being quite new, we were obliged at first to straw the floor of our bed-chamber with shavings, which was afterwards laid with deals. This hardship of entering the new house, we preferred to suffering the inconveniencies of the old. Langton's estate going then from hand to hand, it was not without considerable difficulty, and expense too, that I got that house carried on. Afterward I formed a large garden, and built the dyke; the which was a work of some time, trouble, and expense too. And herein also was the saying verified, "One soweth, and another reapeth."
In the month of March following, met the first general assembly in the reign of Queen Anne; of the which assemby I was a member. Seafield being the Queen's Commissioner, Mr. George Meldrum was chosen moderator, as the man who to him would be most acceptable. The asserting of the intrinsic power of the church, was then the great point that some laboured for; but in vain; it was told them by their brethren, They had it, and what then needed the waste of an act asserting it? The assembly having sat several days, were upon an
overture for preventing Protestants marrying with Papists; in the time whereof, a whisper beginning about the throne, and a motion being, I think, made for recommitting the overture; the commissioner, rising from his seat, instantly dissolved the assembly in her Majesty's name. This having come like a thunder-clap, there were, from all corners of the house, protestations offered against it, and for the intrinsic power of the church; with which I joined. But the moderator, otherwise a most grave and composed man, being in as much confusion as a school boy when beaten, closed with prayer; and got away, together with the clerk, so that nothing was then got marked. This was one of the heaviest days that ever I saw, beholding a vain man trampling on the privileges of Christ's house, and others couching under the burden. And I could not but observe, how Providence rebuked their shifting the act to assert as above said, and baffled their design in the choice of the moderator; never a moderator since the Revolution to this day, so far as I can guess, having been so ill treated by a commissioner. The learned and pious Mr. James Brisbane, late minister of Stirling, a young man at that time as well as I, pulled me down, when offering to join the protesters; and the same very worthy man, many years after, joined not with the representers in the affair of the Marrow; though he had no freedom to go along with the assembly, but was obliged to declare himself in favour of truth, before they should close that affair. And I remember, that with respect to this last case, he, in private conversation, said in his pleasant manner, thereafter, he had so done, but knew not if he would have full satisfaction in it, when he got home, and reflecting thereon in his closet. Meanwhile the dissolving of that assembly by Seafield, was the occasion of adjusting that matter betwixt the church and state, and settling it in the manner wherein, I suppose, it hath all along since continued, the assembly being first dissolved in the name of Jesus Christ, by the moderator as their mouth, and in the name of the magistrate by the commissioner.
In April following, the Synod meeting at Dunse, entered on making an act, asserting their principles with respect to the established
government of the church. Against which, Mr. Alexander Orrock, minister at Hawick, a man of vast parts, and the greatest assurance I ever knew, protested, and left the synod; pretending the same to be a raising of groundless jealousies against the magistrate; though in the meantime the grounds of jealousy were looked on as not small. With him joined Mr. Robert Bell, minister at Cavers, now at Crailling, Mr. Robert Cuningham at Wilton, afterward at Hawick, and Mr. Robert Scot at Roberton. Upon the other hand, I was dissatisfied with the act, for that it touched not the particular point, in which the church was at that time especially aggrieved; namely her intrinsic power of meeting, and treating, in her judicatories, of her affairs, as necessity might require, for the honour of her Head, and the spiritual welfare of her members. And since, for the said cause, I could not approve of it, and had not so clear access as ordinary to give my vote, I declared this my mind before the synod ere it was put to the vote. Whereupon Mr. Charles Gordon, minister of Ashkirk, a learned and holy man, of uncommon integrity, sometime chosen to be professor of divinity in Aberdeen, though he accepted it not, spoke something in answer thereto, and for the act, which thereafter was voted, and approved by the rest. But that same night, I think, he sent for me to his quarters, where he lodging together with Mr. William Macghie, minister of Selkirk, we supped together, and were brought acquainted. And this, I believe, was the occasion of the Presbytery of Selkirk their setting their eye on me for the parish of Etterick. And I had the comfort of his declaring to me, on his deathbed, some time after my coming to Etterick, the satisfaction he had in having seen Mr. Gabriel Wilson, my friend, and me, settled in their Presbytery.
I being only a singular successor, and not heir to my father, was liable to Drummelzier, the superior, in a year's rent of my tenement, for entry, which otherwise would have been but the double of the feu-duty; so, on the 15th of April, I compounded with him for £60 Scots; for which the town-clerk having drawn a bond in the jog-trot style of bonds for borrowed money, I refused to sign it; but drew a bond with my own hand, with the which Drummelzier was satisfied. This I signed accordingly; and relieved, by paying the money, on May
14, thereafter. Having upon that affair had occasions of conversing with Drummelzier, who was a sober sensible man, I afterward found, he had upon occasions shewn himself disposed, in his own way, towards me; particularly, that it being told him, speaking of planting me in Dunse, then vacant, that I was too hot; he thereupon mentioned another place for me, as one as hot as I, viz. Etterick. So early providence was at work for bringing about my settlement in that place, where I was to spend the most of my strength and days.
Invited by Mr. Gabriel Semple retaining of his former disposition towards me, I preached at Jedburgh, Feb. 27, forenoon and afternoon. The congregation being convened again, about a quarter of an hour after, he, from the reader's desk, made a short discourse on the fifth command, particularly the duties of husbands and wives. The things he insisted on were indeed common and ordinary; but they were delivered in such a manner, and such power accompanied them, that I was in a manner amazed; and they went out through me, and in through me, so that I said in my heart, "Happy are those that hear thy wisdom." Mr. Gabriel Wilson being then his assistant, but preaching that day at Oxnam, there began at that time an acquaintance betwixt him and me, which by some interviews afterward, and particularly by a meeting at Simprin, advanced to a particular friendship. And after I was settled in Etterick, and he in Maxton, the same grew up into a noted and uncommon strictness, continuing, through the mercy of God, inviolate unto this day.
On March 21, about two o'clock in the morning, my son Robert was born; and he was baptized on the 26th, by Mr. John Lithgow, minister at Swinton.
This year was remarkable to me, with respect to my ordinary in preaching, and my studies; of both which I shall here give an account.
As to my ordinary in preaching, occasionally mixed with other subjects; having begun, as said is, the second Sabbath in Simprin
after my ordination, I continued preaching man's natural state, until August 10, 1700. At which time I entered on preaching Christ the remedy for man's misery. From which I proceeded, Oct. 19, 1701, to the doctrine of the application of the remedy; in the which, entering February 18, 1702, on the particulars of the ordinary method of the Spirit with sinners in conversion; being sensible of the delicacy of the subject, and desiring to say nothing thereon but what I had digested beforehand, I began writing my sermons at large, and to venture very little on extemporary expression. And this was the occasion of my falling into a habit of writing my sermons at large, which I have since for ordinary continued, as I had access, and could reach it; a yoke which often since that time I would have been glad to have shaken off, but could not get it done. Nevertheless I have been convinced, it was a kind and honourable dispensation of providence that kept it on me. Howbeit, whereas in my notes at that time, as also before and after unto this day, may be sometimes found Latin, Greek, and perhaps Hebrew, it was not my manner to express them in the pulpit to the people; but in their mother tongue to express the thing the best way I could. In sermons indeed coram clero, as presbyterial exercises, I used all freedom in that point; but so doing in sermons before the people, in country or town, I ever despised, and had a contempt of, as pedantic, and unbecoming the weight of the sacred mysteries. Meanwhile, having dispatched that subject, I proceeded, November 15, 1702, to the privileges of believers in Christ. And finally, on February 14, 1703, I entered on the believer's duty; wherein, after the general doctrine, coming to particulars, I went through all the ten commands; which done, I shewed the use of the law to those that are out of Christ; the believers' deliverance and freedom from the law as a covenant; and pressed the regarding thereof, as a rule of life; with which I closed that ordinary of subjects, in the month of April this year 1704.
Withal on the 4th of May following, I began an ordinary of weekday's sermons on the Song of Solomon; in which, I think, I continued till my removal to Etterick; where I had no more access to service of that kind. In that time I went through the 2d and 3d chapters of that
book, and had entered on the 4th; and these afforded us many a sweet hour together. These sermons are in retentis. But I judge I had before that gone through the first chapter in some exercises, without writing any notes.
As to my studies, when I was settled in Simprin, I had very few books; which occasioned my borrowing, as I had access; and moreover, where I wanted to be satisfied in some particular points, obliged me to think of the same, if so I could find out what to rest satisfied in, not having access to consult many authors. And thus my scarcity of books proved a kind disposal of providence towards me; I, in that method, arriving at a greater distinctness and certainty in these points, than otherwise I could readily have obtained. The chief of these points I wanted to be satisfied in, were two; namely, the doctrine of the grace of God in Christ, and the subject of baptism.
As for the doctrine of grace, how the Lord was pleased to give my heart a set toward the preaching of Christ, and how I had several convictions of legality in my own practice, is already narrated. I had heard Mr. Mair often speak of being divorced from the law, dead to it, and the like; but I understood very little of the matter. Howbeit, my thoughts being, after my settlement at Simprin, turned that way, that I might understand somewhat of these things; some light, new to me, seemed to break up from the doctrine of Christ; but then I could not see how to reconcile the same with other things which seemed to be truth too. And I think, that among these first my s of light, was a notion, that the sins of believers in Christ, even while yet not actually repented of, did not make them, being in a state of grace, liable to eternal punishment. And on this head I did, by a letter, consult Mr. Murray in Penpont; but was not thoroughly satisfied with what he advanced upon it. Meanwhile, being still on the scent, as I was sitting one day in a honse of Simprin, I espied above the window-head two little old books; which when I had taken down, I found entitled, the one "The Marrow of Modern Divinity," the other, "Christ's Blood Flowing Freely to Sinners." These I reckon had been brought home from England by the master of the house, a soldier in