Cockburn, a comrade, son to John Cockburn in Preston. I could not
of heart. Wherefore as I came home in the middle of May, I consulted it; and was delivered of these fears, which were groundless; but being at home, I was, on the 2d of June, overtaken with another faintingfit, in which beckoning with my hand I fainted away; and while they were lifting me into bed, I heard my sister say, that I was gone. In a little I recovered, and my father went to prayer at my bed-side.
The first or second winter I was at college, being in company with a dumb man, I was urged by some to ask him a question about my brother William. He answered me in writing, as it is Deut. 29, ult., "Secret things belong unto the Lord our God," &c.; and, moreover, that there is no such thing communicated to the dumb, but that through importunity he himself had sometimes spoke what he knew not. Thus was I reproved. And I desire that all who may read this or such like my failings, may beware of splitting on the same rocks, so heavy to me.
About December 20, I gladly went to Edinburgh again for the last year, thinking that course of difliculties near an end. I was therefore more cheerful, and in point of diet managed more liberally.
1694. About the latter end of February, I came home with John Cockburn, a comrade, son to John Cockburn in Preston. I could not get him out of the town till a good part of the day was spent; and when we were come out, he expended a little money he had left, without asking questions till it was done. Then finding there was no money with us but what I had, which could scarcely procure us both a night's lodging, we resolved to hold on our way, though our journey was in all twenty-eight miles long. Night drawing on, we were twelve miles from home, and got nothing in the inn but bread and water; there being no ale in it, it seems. Then under night we went on our way, in the moonlight; but on the hills we began to fail, travelling afoot, and having had but sorry refreshment at the inn. Meanwhile, as we lay on the highway to rest our weary limbs a little, a farmer came up to us, who offered to lodge us with him near by; which was gladly embraced.
That youth and I had been schoolfellows at Dunse, and so much resembled one another in face and stature, as if we had been twins; the which being noticed by our fellows, made a most entire friendship between us at school. It lasted for a while; but was at length, upon some childish controversy, quite blown up, and was never recovered. For at the college, being more liberally furnished, he overlooked me, and gave himself to diversions; so that there was no communication, but what was general, betwixt him and me, as I remember, till the last of the three years. At what time, being once in company with him, I was like to have a plea to rid betwixt him and another; and, to the best of my knowledge, left them at length. And then again I came home with him as aforesaid. He and I both were designed for the study of divinity; but in a little time he gave up with it, went to London, applied himself to book-keeping, and went abroad, I suppose, and died. Wherefore, when I was honoured of God to preach the gospel of Christ, I was often a moving sight to his sorrowful father. Whence I must needs conclude, that "it is good for a man to bear the yoke in his youth;" and surely it was good and necessary for me.
Being allowed only £16 Scots by my father for the laureation, I borrowed 20 merks from one of my brothers, and so went to Edinburgh for that end in the summer. But the day signified to me not being kept, I returned without my errand. This disappointment, with other discouragements I had met with in prosecuting my studies, furnished my evil heart, when going in a second time that season to the laureation, the occasion of that unbelieving thought that I would never believe I could obtain it till I saw it. For this thought I presently smarted, meeting suddenly on the back of it with a dispensation which threatened to lay the grave-stone upon all that I had hitherto attained; for some officers took me up by the way to be a soldier; but the Lord delivered me quickly.
Thus holy wise providence ordered my education at the college; the charges whereof amounted in all but to £128, 15s. 8d. Scots; of the which I had 20 merks as aforesaid to pay afterwards. Out of that sum
were paid the regent's fees yearly, and the college-dues, and also my maintenance was furnished out of it. By means thereof, I had a competent understanding of the logics, metaphysics, ethics, and general physics; always taking pains of what was before me, and pleasing the regent; but I learned nothing else, save short-hand writing, which an acquaintance of mine taught me, namely, a wellinclined baker lad. My design in acquiring it was to write sermons; but I made little use of it that way, finding it to mar the frame of my spirit in hearing, which obliged me to quit that use of it. But kind was the design of providence in it notwithstanding; for besides its serving me in recording things I designed to keep secret, and otherwise, it has been exceeding useful to me of late years, in making my first draughts of my writings therein. "Known unto God are all his works from the beginning."
PERIOD III
FROM MY LAUREATION, TO MY BEING
LICENSED TO PREACH THE GOSPEL
THAT summer the bursary of the Presbytery of Dunse was conferred on me, as a student of theology; as was that of the Presbytery of Churnside on my comrade John Cockburn. And after the laureation, sometime before harvest, I entered on the study of theology; Mr. James Ramsay, minister then at Eymouth, now at Kelso, having put the book in my hand, viz, Pareus on Ursin's Catechism; the which I read over three or four times ere I went to the school of divinity. Among the first books of that kind which I had a particular fondness for, was "Weem's Christian Synagogue."
I went, on invitation, to F——s, and spent some weeks there, after the harvest, with his two sons, and James (after Mr. James) Ridpath, students in philosophy, to whom I was there helpful in their studies. And that I may reckon the only time of my life in which I had a taste