passage; Acts 21 again to me with additions, ver. 4.—"Disciples,—
and comfort of his soul, that he was, in the main, found in the way of commanded duty. And this seems no improbable interpretation, being confirmed by ver. 144, where he says, "Give me understanding," viz. a practical understanding of them, that I may both know duty, and get the way of duty kept, "and I shall live," to wit, comfortably, though he knew he could manage no duty so, but some blots would be on his conduct, Jan. 26, 1710.]
March 13.—As I was walking through the town, that word was comforting and supporting to me, "He that believeth, shall not make haste," compared with that, "He that believeth, shall not be ashamed." I know I was helped to believe, and not to make haste; and therefore I concluded, I shall not be ashamed. At night I met with a trial. R. A. talking with me of what had happened at the synod, told me, that Mr. Ker said, with the tear in his eye, to him, Sir, ye are unaccountably robbed of your minister. This did sting me to the very heart. So walking up and down, with the dart in my liver, that word; Acts 21:13, "What mean ye to weep, and to break my heart?" &c., came into my mind; and at first it appeared very clear to me, and gave me ease; but the life and light of it afterwards wore away. On the morrow I gave myself to prayer, 1. For the more lively revival of the sense of my call to Etterick; 2. To know whether I should go to see Sir Francis Scot, who was patron of that parish, till patronages were abolished by law; 3. Concerning the time of my admission; and, 4. My wife's case. As to the first, the Lord was pleased to clear that passage; Acts 21 again to me with additions, ver. 4.—"Disciples,— who said to Paul through the Spirit, that he should not go up to Jerusalem." Ver. 12, "—We and they—besought him not to go up to Jerusalem. Then Paul answered, What mean ye to weep, and to break mine heart? for I am ready not to be bound only, but also to die at Jerusalem for the name of the Lord Jesus." And it was seasonably suggested to me, that when I was going to settle at Simprin, it was very perplexing to me, to think, that I had been, and might be more useful as a probationer, than as minister of Simprin; and yet I have seen cause to bless God for what use he has made of me there. This was very useful to me in this matter, in respect of the
strait some were in, by reason of my being some way useful in this country. These things struck at the bottom of my present uneasiness. Yesterday I received advice of two brethren, concerning the management of the visit to Sir Francis Scot. I remarked this day, how the Lord had helped me to pray, that they might be directed to advise me right; and they advised me in a point which I did not foresee, but was very necessary, and the missing whereof might have done harm. And now my uneasiness is gone, and I can plead, that the Lord hath sent me thither. And, even in the time of this uneasiness, I could freely pray, notwithstanding, that the Lord would be with me there.
March 17.—This day having an occasion to see an extract out of the presbytery-book of Selkirk, bearing, That Mr. Hugh Craig having delivered the presbytery's letters to Sir Francis Scot, he seemed not averse to Mr. Boston's being settled minister at Etterick, with which Mr. William Scot and Drummelzier complied: That the said Sir Francis told him, that he had written to Tushilaw to object against the serving of Mr. Boston's edict; but now, after second thoughts, would write contrary orders; and promised to cause repair the kirk, and build the manse and office-houses, as good and convenient to dwell in, as any country manse in the bounds. I noticed the date of this, and found it to be of the 5th of December. Now the diet appointed by the synod, and forgot by our presbytery, was on the 3d of December; so that this mistake of our presbytery gave them that material advantage to their cause, which I could not but notice as a particular design of providence.
March 20, or 21.—I went to see Janet Currie, who for some time has been sick; and this day she told me, but not before, though I saw her before on a sick bed, that it was trouble of mind that made her so. Yet she kept up the particular from me, till I guessed it to be blasphemous thoughts. I spoke to her case as the Lord was pleased to help, and particularly desired that she might not be idle, but work with her hands. She came to my house on the morrow, and was abroad last Lord's day, being better.
March 30.—Now it appears what was the Lord's design by this March 9, parag. 2. Troubles have come very thick on me. Isabel Ridpath, the best of my servants, is like to be taken from me, when I am to go to a strange place. On Tuesday last, there came an officer of the army, and another man with a sheriff's warrant, to take my servant lad for a thief, to carry him to Flanders. Sometime before, I durst not send the lad abroad, lest he should have been pressed; and almost every night since, we have been afraid of attempts on our house by these men. My wife and my son were the worse of the fright that this occasioned, while searching the house for the lad. Two lads I had an eye on for servants, I am disappointed of, one after another. I have been distressed sore in my body with the hæmorrhoids; so that yesterday I was forced to give over my studies, and take my bed; and this day to study in my bed.
Yet in wrath God has remembered mercy. The lad being at Nisbet mill on the Monday, they watched to catch him by the way as he was coming home. But he was providentially carried off the eastern, which is the ordinary road, and came the western way. The pursuers, by a mistake, were sent first to Langton; so that ere they came hither, he was gone out of the house; and one of them spoke to him, but knew him not. As for my bodily trouble, it hindered me not from my public work, though it recurred after. [Nota, I have preached the gospel now about twelve years and a half, and have had but a tender body; yet the Lord has been so gracious to me, that (so far as I can remember) my indisposition never kept me from my public work of preaching on the Lord's day, but, one way or another, I have got it done; as once, when under a flux at Simprin, I preached in the house wrapped up in a blanket under my gown, and several Lord's days, while scarce able to speak above my breath. Only about a year before I came out of Simprin, I was obliged to give over the Sabbath-night's lecture, by reason of bodily weakness, which would not allow me to undertake it.] Since I began the epistle to the Hebrews, I was never so unprepared to lecture, and never lectured on it with so much satisfaction to myself. That trouble on Tuesday came upon me in that very moment when my heart was excessively carried away from God
towards the creature. The instrument of that trouble I saw on Wednesday, and he was ashamed of it. I found it was a pique founded on an imprudent action of the lad. That very same day he was (as I was informed) fined in £50 Scots for striking of a man till he fell down as dead.
April 1.—Having been at prayers in my closet, and helped to pray that God would turn the hearts of the heritors of Etterick to me, I came down, and presently received a letter, which gave an account of Sir Francis Scot's disposition towards me, wherein was nothing discouraging.
April 19.—Having been at Edinburgh, Sir Francis Scot told me, that he was resolved to protest against my call. This day I spent some time in prayer with fasting, for my wife's safe delivery, and concerning the business of Etterick. I found I was for either of these two, to wit, that either God would divert the heritors from opposing, or give me grace to bear up under it, and countenance me in my work; so I laid hold on these promises; Prov. 16:7; 2 Cor. 12:19; Psalm 37:5. I found I was very unfit to manage matters there, and under the disadvantage of being far from neighbours with whom I might advise. But it has always been my support in that case, that I had God to go to as a counsellor; and this was the only ground of my confidence; wherefore I got hold of that, Psalm 147:11, and 91:11. While I was at Edinburgh, there was another attempt to take my servant by the foresaid person, assisted with some dragoons; they had him; but he was rescued by some of the people of the town. The fright was troublesome to my wife. But upon the sight of her trouble, Isabel Redpath, a pious and active servant, who was about to give her over, resolved that day to give her no more trouble, but gave over her marriage that night; and so by one trouble she was freed from another.
April 20.—Sabbath. I was resolved on a family fast on Monday. Christian Wood was with us this day, but could not stay. At parting I told her my design, and desired her help, though at a distance. The
causes were the same as of the secret exercises before. She went away; but God sent her back; for her brother had gone away with the horse, and would not wait on her. So on the morrow we spent some time in prayer for the causes foresaid. It was a good time, the Lord gave us his countenance, and we were helped to seek. After the work was over, and we were come to dinner, we had not sat down at the table, when word came, that the foresaid officer was seen at Swintonhill, and that armed men were lying in the western loan for the lad. We blessed the Lord that had restrained them, and prayed for more restraint to them; but saw none of them.
Wednesday, April 23. Last night I was helped to lay the Monday's prayers before the Lord, and to be concerned for them; and this morning, about seven o'clock, my wife was delivered. There was a surprising cluster of mercies here. 1. I awaked about five o'clock, and found she had her pains; and ere I got to prayer, that word sweetly rolled in my mind; Judges 13:23, "If the Lord were pleased to kill us, he would not have received a burnt-offering at our hand;" and it filled me with hopes. 2. Her reckoning was to April 27; the presbytery of Selkirk had appointed my admission to be at Etterick the 29th of April; which, when I got notice of it, was very astonishing to me, considering that I had told them by a letter, that I could not be from homo at or about that time. Seeing it was so, we resolved to attend the conduct of providence. 3. From what I wrote to the presbytery, I designed they should gather from it, that it would be most convenient for me to be admitted this week; they mistook my meaning; but it was a happy mistake. 4. My wife was more quickly delivered than over before; and the midwife had been sick, which made us afraid; but she was better; and had it not been so, we had got none at all. 5. My heart leaped for joy, hearing it was a boy, and so Ebenezer. He was baptized by Mr. Pow on the Lord's day after, being the 27th. 6. And all this came about as a quick answer of prayer. O! we saw our Lord loading us with mercies. I had been desired to be at Selkirk tomorrow; was desirous to know my duty; had not freedom for it; but hoped God would clear my way in that, and this did it; and so I went not.
April 28.—One came from Edrom, while I was studying my sermons for my own parish, and told me I was appointed by the presbytery to preach there Lord's day next. I was very averse to it, and humorously refused it. I went to God with it, but got no light. At length I laid by my humour, and laid myself at the Lord's feet, resolving to go over the belly of my inclinations, if God should appear to call me; and thus went to God again with it. And thereupon I found an unclearness to leave my own congregation; which was something extraordinary; for though I did not use lightly to leave our own congregation, yet the disproportion of it to all others in the bounds, when I had otherwise a fair call, used to determine me to leave it. Rising from prayer with this unclearness on my spirit, Mr. B. came and told me, that one was just arrived from Churnside, and said, that Mr. Wilson was to preach there, so that Mr. M. might preach at Edrom. But this man had no certainty for it. However, I sent the man to Mr. M. Immediately there came another, and confirmed what the other had said; and the man from Edrom was within a cry; so he was called back, and confirmed in this. Mr. M. preached at Edrom, and I at home; and our kirk was very throng. This was wonderful in my eyes, and came seasonably as a pledge of further mercies.
On the first day of May I was admitted minister of Etterick; a day remarkable to after ages, as the day in which the union of Scotland and England commenced, according to the articles thereof agreed upon by the two parliaments. And on that very account I had frequent occasion to remember it; the spirits of the people of that place being embittered on that event against the ministers of the church; which was an occasion of much heaviness to me, though I never was for the Union, but always against it from the beginning unto this day. When the edict was returned, Whitslead and another heritor, with John Caldwell, and William Nicol, gave in a protestation to the presbytery against my call. So the Lord guided me well, keeping me at home that day. When I came to Crosslee, it was told me, there was one in Thirlestane from Sir Francis Scot, to protest against my admission. I was thereupon the rather inclined to go forward to Thirlestane; where I found him, one that had been in
the class with me at the college. When I went to my chamber, Mr. Paterson told me his errand; and I was very pensive. When I was going to bed, I overheard him say to Mr. Paterson, "Have you told him, that he will neither get meat nor lodging here? I will get up early, and close the church doors." Though I was uneasy before, yet then, even by that, I grew easy; from thence concluding, that the business would be stopped at least for that day. On the morrow morning I dealt so with two of the brethren that came thither before the rest, that I had almost gaiued them to consent to the delaying of the admission; the rather that Sir Francis Scot had promised to give me a new call with the rest of the heritors; only I wanted not thoughts, that if once my neck were out of the yoke, it should never come under it again; which was the effect of my weakness and indeliberation. So we went to the church; I scarcely doubting, but I would come home as I went away. I struggled against the admission, before the presbytery being convened in mass; but they would by no means yield to the delay. Being sadly racked, I went into a room, and sought the Lord; but my trouble remained, and what to do I knew not. At length the Lord put it in my heart, to be content, and resolved to meet with difficulties and opposition; and upon this, presently my heart was calmed, and I was clear to be admitted. So Mr. B. protested before the presbytery in the manse in Sir Francis Scot's name. And I was admitted that day.
This struggle that I made against the admission was of good use to me; for thereby I found favour with Sir Francis, as I did immediately after my admission with Mr. B. who promised faithfully to relate the matter as it stood to his constituent, promising all favour he could do me in that matter. Sir Francis Scot's protestation was to have come out to the presbytery at Selkirk some time before, and was sent by an express; but the express came not till the day after the presbytery. On the Sabbath after, I preached to the people of Etterick on 1 Sam. 7:12, "Then Samuel took a stone, and set it between Mizpeh and Shen, and called the name of it Eben-ezer, saying, Hitherto hath the Lord helped us." And thereafter I returned home to Simprin.
This month (I think) we had a family thanksgiving, wherein the Lord was very gracious to us, and our hearts were enlarged with the remembrance of the Lord's hearing our prayers at the last family fast, and with his present goodness. And it being better than ordinary with me, this exercise was sweetly concluded with solemn blessing of my family.
May 26.—I had found much favour with some of the best note in the country, who undertook to speak to those that were my enemies, to induce them to favour me. I was thankful to the Lord; but my heart protested I would not trust in princes.
June 15.—Having got back to Etterick about the latter end of May, not thinking quickly to transport my family, I was while there, determined to hasten it, and had fixed the time. When I came home, I was surprised to hear, that the presbytery had declared my church vacant, though the act transporting me, obliged me not to dwell at Etterick till the Manse was repaired. My heart was thankful to the Lord, who had led me in the way I knew not, though it was hard measure from them. From the time that I ended my sermons on the epistle to the church of the Laodiceans, I had gone through several miscellaneous subjects; particularly a cluster of them, in the last halfyear of my ministry there. These I had just ended, on the last Sabbath save one before my removal. And this day I preached, out of one of the barn-doors, to a great multitude of people, my farewell sermon, on John 7:37, "In the last day, that great day of the feast, Jesus stood and cried, If any man thirst let him come unto me, and drink." And as the Lord was with me in that place during my ministry there, so he left me not then, but was with me at that close of it, and much of God's power appeared in it. On the Tuesday we came away, and arrived at Etterick on the Thursday thereafter. Thus I parted with a people whose hearts were knit to me, and mine to them; nothing but the sense of God's command that took me there, making me to part with them. The three or four last years of my ministry there were much blessed, and very comfortable to me; not
in respect of my own handful only, who were ordinarily but about ninety examinable persons, but others of the country-side.
During the time of my ministry at Simprin, I had frequently occasions of assisting at sacraments; inasmuch as I observed, for some years I was still abroad three Sabbaths together, on such occasions, which allowed some intermission. Meanwhile I never liked to be even so employed, but where there was need; and if I found none, I would either not have gone, or else returned home on my own charge; and that upon this principle, That though it was a small charge, yet it was my charge; and that I was not to look to be useful, according to the number of those I spoke to, but according to the call of God to speak unto them, whether many or few. And I never, that I know, had occasion to rue that part of my conduct. I remember, I once came home, and left the communion at Fogo, on that principle; and I got a feast in the pulpit of Simprin, in the evening exercise, on the 23d Psalm, as I think. And upon occasion of my being urged on that head, that it would be more for my own edification to be present at such a solemnity, I was brought to take notice, that according to the scripture, 1 Cor. 14:4, 5, one is to prefer the edification of the church to his own private edification.
Now by means of my going so much abroad to sacraments, and having that ordinance twice a-year at home, I had frequent occasion of converse with persons exercised about their own spiritual case; the which was a great help to me in preaching. It was to such a conversation with a gentlewoman as the means, that I owed the sermon preached at Swinton, Sabbath afternoon, July 28, 1706, being the day of the communion there. The text being Lam. 3:49, 50, "Mine eye trickleth down, and ceaseth not, without any intermission; till the Lord look down, and behold from heaven;" the sermon not only had more than ordinary weight on the people, but two ministers present made feeling acknowledgments of it. But the sweet scene of these days was quickly after turned into a gloomy one.
As I behoved to have some Hebrew for my trials, both former and latter, so in Simprin I made some progress in the study thereof, Having always an inclination towards it, I believe I did several times, while there, attempt it; but with this little success, having only an old Psalter and Pagnin's Lexicon, that had been gifted to me by Andrew Elliot, my comrade at the college, till in the year 1704 I got "Buxtorf's Epitome grammat." and his Lexicon. After which time, I reckon, I did with much difficulty make my way through the Psalter. And, by some notes I have on the Psalms, I find I began it again, having "Bethner's Lyra" in loan. But still my study of it was confined to the Psalter.
Upon whatever occasion I understood there was any motion for, or eye to, the removing me out of that place to another, I was helped of God to be scrupulously wary, that I might do nothing towards the advancing of the same; being always persuaded, that my safety, welfare, and comfort, depended on my being found in the way, which the Lord himself should call me to go. The stipend was indeed small; and towards the latter end, the victual was cheap to a degree; but then my house-rents in Dunse, and the emoluments of the synodclerk's office, were considerable towards the maintenance of the family. And in these days several came about us, and particularly some students continued with us at times; so that we ate not our morsel alone. But whatever was our manner, when we were alone, or only with those we counted not strangers, I observed, that when occasionally we had company otherwise, things honest in the sight of men were readily, by the kind disposal of providence, laid to hand. And during the time of my continuance in that place, I knew little of anxiety for the provision of my family after me. And I am very sure, it was not a more liberal maintenance, but a sense of the divine call, that moved me to leave Simprin, and come to Etterick.
Thus passed the first and most comfortable years of my ministry in Simprin, as in a field which the Lord had blessed. Removing from thence with my family, as I have related above, on Tuesday June 17, we came, on Thursday the 19th, unto Etterick; where, through the mercy of God, I have continued until this day. On the first Lord's day
after the transportation of my family, being June 22, I preached on Acts 5:33, "Now—are we here present before God, to hear all things commanded thee of God.*
PERIOD IX
FROM MY REMOVAL TO ETTERICK, TO
THE OATH OF ABJURATION REFUSED
BEING settled here, I soon found I was come from home, and that I was but beginning to be a minister of a parish. As for the people, the natives, generally speaking, were naturally smart, but of an uncommon assurance; self-conceit, and censorious to a pitch, using an indecent freedom both with church and state. There were three parties in the place. One of dissenters, followers of Mr. John Macmillan, a considerable number; who have been all along to this day a dead weight on my ministry in the place; though not so great now, by far, as in former years. Another was an heritor in the parish, with two elders dependents of his. He himself deserted the ordinances, for about the space of the first ten years, viz. till the affair of Closeburn. One of the elders having heard a little while, went off for altogether to the dissenters. The other, for ought I know, never heard me after I was settled among them. The third was the congregation of my hearers, after the disadvantage of what influence these two parties could have upon them. Their appetite for the ordinances I did not find to be sharpened by the long fast they had got, for about the space of four years. Wherefore, soon perceiving the little value they had for occasions of hearing the gospel, and having called a meeting for business, on a week-day, August 19, I preached to them, that day, the sense I had of their case, from Isa. 43:22, "Thou hast been weary of me, O Israel." I plainly saw, that a brother, who, at the synod which transported me, was overheard to bid let me go, I would get preaching my fill there, was outwitted. On the contrary, I behoved to bid farewell to a pleasant part of my exercise
of that nature before; and to have it miserably slighted and despised, where occasionally I was called to it. And for the Sabbath's sermons, they were but coldly enough received; but remarkable was the pricking up of cars, when any thing relative to the public fell in; which was a wondering observe to me.
To the breeding and cherishing of this disposition among them, several things concurred. There being little knowledge of religion among them, till the time of confusion and persecution; so that John Andison in Gamescleugh told me of a time, when there was not a Bible in the church, but the minister's, his father's, and another's; they drank in the principles of presbytery in the greatest height, with the principles of Christianity. The dissenters were in great reputation among them, and continually buzzing in their ears something to the disparagement of the church and the ministry. Moreover, the union with England, which they were violently set against, trysted with my settling among them, and brought in an unacceptable change of the state of affairs. And finally, they lived alone.
A profession of religion generally obtained among them, through the preaching of the persecuted ministers in and about the place. Before the Revolution, they were generally made Presbyterians, praying persons, and several of them, I believe, good Christians. Often I observed, that I had never seen in a country kirk more Bibles than appeared in ours; nor more persons giving in to the Sabbath's collection for the poor. And indeed they were, and are, very liberal to the poor, both their own, and strangers passing through them; but very unkind to strangers settling among them, and not very benevolent in neighbourhood among themselves. But one thing I was particularly surprised with, viz., the prevalency of the sin of profane swearing; and was amazed to find blessing and cursing proceeding out of the same mouth; praying persons, and praying in their families too, horrid swearers at times; so that by the month of November I behoved to set myself to preach directly against that sin.*
The very next day after my preaching from Acts 10:33, as above related, Mr. Macmillan came to Eskdale, and some of my hearers went to him. This was what I got to begin with. On the morrow after I went up to S. to see J. L.'s family and others; my design was to endeavour to prevent their perverting others. When I came there, I went first into the house of one of my hearers; and there I was surprised with the news of Mr. Macmillan's being in J. L.'s, and others with him. The old man came in to me. Is. L came into that house, but never noticed me; but I carried courteously to her, and told her I had a mind to have come and seen them. She told me, I should be welcome. When I went in, J. L. shewed not common civility. I was set down among three men, strangers, none of whom I knew. They were S. H. of H., Mr. St. and Mr. Sm. The last I took for Mr. Macmillan, having never seen the man. Being set down, I was resolved to divert disputes, at least a while, with some discourse of practical godliness. Wherefore being asked, "What news?" I said, that news were hard to be got here, the place being so far remote from towns; that it was like Jerusalem; Psalm 125:2; which brought us at length to the discourse of communion with God; concerning which S. H. gave his opinion, that it consisted in doing the will of God, keeping his commandments. I told him, that all communion was mutual, and therefore it could not consist in that; and shewed, that actual communion with God, which we ordinarily call communion with God, consists in the Lord's letting down the influences of his grace on the soul, and the soul's reacting the same in the exercise of grace. O, says he, that is extraordinary; wherewith I was stunned. I told him, it was that without which neither he nor I would be saved. How will you prove that? said he. So I was put to prove it to him. Thereafter he brought in the matter of the separation; told, that he understood I was an enemy to them, and preached against them. I acknowledged, that I judged their way was not of God; and therefore, when it fell in my way, I did preach against it. And understanding that lie meant of a note I had at Morbattle sacrament, I desired him to tell me what he heard I had said. He shifted this; and I told him, viz. that I exhorted those that had met with God at this occasion, to tell them that it was so; and that they thereupon, according to the
spirit of the gospel, should say, "We will go with you, for we hear the Lord is with you."* J. L. said, if that were true, that the Lord were with you, we would join with you. Mr. St. having no will to make that the determining point, told me, that he knew not but the Lord was with the church of the Jews in time of great corruption. To which I answered, And neither did Christ himself separate from them in that time; and urged them with that, Luke 4:16. After other shifts, they were at length brought to that desperate answer, That Christ was the lawmaker, and therefore not imitable by us. The person whom I took for Mr. Macmillan was not like to speak, and therefore I asked for Mr. Macmillan. I staid there with them an hour and a half at least; but saw not Mr. Macmillan. When I was coming away, I desired Mr. St. to tell him, that seeing I had not seen him, he would come to my house and see me; which he undertook to tell him. Above six weeks after this rencounter, and my not meeting Mr. Macmillan having made a noise in the country, I heard that John Scot in Laugshawburn had said of me, that I was a liar, and he would prove me a liar, for I had never asked for Mr. Macmillan, nor desired him to come to my house. This was at first very troublesome to me. Afterwards I found real joy in my heart, in that I was made partaker of the sufferings of Christ, while I saw a spirit of bitterness possessing some of that party. However, the truth was brought to light after, by the confession of some of that party. Mr. Macmillan was in that house in the time, in an outer chamber; and Adam Linton told me, that he was certainly informed, that he caused the lass lock the door, and give him in the key at the door head or foot, whatever was his design in it.
It pleased the Lord, for my further trial, to remove by death, on the 8th September, my son Ebenezer. Before that event, I was much helped of the Lord; I had never more confidence with God in any such case, than in that child's being the Lord's. I had indeed more than ordinary, in giving him away to the Lord, to be saved by the blood of Jesus Christ. But his death was exceeding afflicting to me, and matter of sharp exercise. To bury his name, was indeed harder than to bury his body; and so much the heavier was it, that I could fall upon no scripture example parallel to it; but I saw a necessity of
allowing a latitude to sovereignty. I could not charge myself with rashness in giving him that name. But one thing was plain as the sun to me, that day eight days before, my heart was excessively led away from God towards the creature; and I had not visited my pillar so often and seriously as I ought to have done.
Nov. 1.—I have been much refreshed and encouraged under my discouragements, understanding by some, what others of the parish have told them, of my sermons riping up their case, and discovering the secrets of their hearts, though, alas! with little visible fruit.
Nov. 12.—I saw M. D. a dissenter, whom I could never see before. I was in the next village, and she was coming thither; but seeing my horse at the door, she went home again. I went to her house, and she came to the door, having, as appeared, no will that I should come in. I asked her what were her scruples. She did not readily answer, but at length abruptly said, "The oath sealed with his blood. QUEST. What mean you by that, the covenant, the solemn league and covenant? ANSW. They say there was such a thing. Q. And was the covenant sealed with Christ's blood? A. Yes. I shewed her her mistake. Q. How many covenants has God made with man? A. Two; the covenant of grace, and the covenant of works. Q. Which of the two covenants was first made? A. The covenant of grace. Q. Who were the parties in the covenant of works? A. The Lord. Q. But with whom did the Lord make it? A. With the body and blood of Christ. Q. How many gods are there? A. Three. Q. How many persons are there in the Godhead? A. Three; the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost. Q. Which of these was our Redeemer? A. The Father. Q. What or who is Christ? No answer. Q. What state are you in by nature? No answer. Q. How think you to be saved? A. By serving God as well as we can.— I dealt with her as with a petted bairn; but by no means could I obtain so munch of her as to be willing to admit converse with her for her instruction.
In January 1708, the fire in the congregation was blown up into a violent flame, upon occasion of my observing a fast, on the 14th of
that month, appointed by the civil magistrate. Upon this many of my hearers broke off, and left me; several of whom never returned. There was such a headiness among the people, and the day was so bad, that few came to it. I had no scruple as to the observing of it; though I thought it a grievance and disadvantage that we were come under by the union, and the taking away of the privy council, whereby there was no correspondence betwixt the church and state as to fasts. But considering the temper of the people, I thought, if I should have yielded to them in this, I would teach them to dictate ever after unto me. There came two of a fellowship meeting unto me the night before; I shewed them the proclamation. They professed they had nothing to say against it, but that it came from an ill airth. They were not disposed to receive light, but most unreasonably, amongst reasons of their dissatisfaction, insisted, that (as they said) the ministers were going to get the abjuration-oath, I was led to that scripture for my test, 1 Sam. 4:13, "Eli's heart trembled for the ark of God;" which came suitably to my circumstances; as I had been led another time, on a week-day in August, to that, "Thou hast been weary of me, O Israel," when the unexpected practice of the people undervaluing the opportunity, was a confirmation of the doctrine. The Lord's day was eight days thereafter, preaching on Isa. 64:7, the reproof for this practice natively fell in.* But the Lord's day immediately thereafter, it was so stormy, that I had only a few to preach to, in the house. Then I found myself like a bird shaken out of its nest, and was as an owl in the desert. Instead of the converse I, sometime a-day, had with exercised Christians about their own spiritual case, I was engaged in disputes about the public, and about separation, and how to defend the lawfulness and duty of hearing me preach the gospel; and for the most part to no effect. So that many a time it was a terror to me to go out among them; and coming to particular places, I often looked very blunt, finding myself beset with contemners of me and my ministry; who often kept not within the bounds of common civility.
This humour of deserting my ministry, and breaking off from under it, continued from time to time, without any notable stop, till the
affair of Closeburn brought it about nine years after. Since that time there has been a remarkable settling among them, in that point; howbeit, even since that time I have had as much of that treatment as will not suffer me to forget where I am. This deserting of my ministry was the more heavy to me, that ordinarily I knew nothing about it from any hand, till after a while, that the parties were gone off, and confirmed in their way; and that few had any consideration of me, in hiring such into their service. This last continues in some measure to this day; though the occasion is not so much now, as before; insomuch that among the first servants my own elder son had, and that by advice or approbation of an elder or elders, was one who would have gone out of the house if I had come into it to visit the family.
Meanwhile Satan raged in stirring up the sin of uncleanness; so that, by the spring 1709, besides several fornications, there were two adulteries in the parish discovered; and I had heavy work with both. These things often made me look, with a sorrowful heart, on the congregation, as in the case of the church of Corinth, burnt up with the fire of division, and drenched in fleshly abominations.
Feb. 15.—My discouragements increase daily among this people, by reason of the divisive temper inflamed by the late fast, so that there are several of them whose faces I have not seen since that time. My circumstances are extremely heavy; they seem to have little desire for the gospel; the most weighty truths look as nauseous to them; though if any thing relating to the public fall in, they use to prick up their ears. Some have never come to the ordinances since I came, being led by mere laziness and profane neglect; besides those that were always dissenters from the established church. Those that come, many of them think nothing of staying away several Sabbaths; and when they come, they are generally very uncomfortable. My wonted exercise of conversing with exercised souls is gone; there is no converse but about the division; the practice of godliness is thereby stifled, and burnt up with the fire. The crown is fallen from my head, and I am brought very low! The approaching Sabbath, that sometimes was my
delight, is now a terror to me; so that it is my business now, to get my forehead steeled against brass and iron. On Sabbath was fourteen days, I felt the sad effects of giving way to discouragement, and this has put me on my guard. I have sometimes asked myself, Whether, if I had known all that has befallen me here, I would have accepted the call, or not? and I cannot say, I durst have refused. Two things are supporting to me; 1. My clearness as to my call from the Lord, which has not been perplexed by all that I have met with, but still remained as a ground of comfort. 2. An amazing conduct of providence in preaching the word, whereby I am guided in my ordinary to speak to their case. As, particularly, these two last Sabbaths it fell in my ordinary to lecture the 7th and 8th chapters of the Revelation, where I had occasion to speak largely of schism and division, with the effects thereof. And in this very time Mr. Macmillan was preaching in the bounds. And in my ordinary sermons I find the same conduct of providence.
On the 22d of February this year 1708, the first of the aforementioned adulteries was delated; but the parties were not got convicted, till May 14. During which time, I was with some elders four times on the spot, at Buccleugh-shiels; the adulteress alleging a rape by an unknown person. One of these times I preached in the house; on Rev. 20:12, "And the books were opened," having occasion to baptize a child, but in vain as to her. Her brother, who had deserted on account of the fast aforesaid, left the house in time of the sermon; but returning after, caused set down meat to me, and the elders with me, and urged me to eat, the which also the elders urged; but though we did need it, I peremptorily refused to eat; so the elders ate not either, and the meat was set up again untasted. As I was about to go away, being alone with him, I told him, it was religion to me, not to eat there, where I had come with my master's message, and he had turned his back on it; and that I caused his meat to be set up again, without being tasted, for a testimony; and so I left him. The man returned afterwards, to wait on the ordinances; and some time after, occasionally told me, that that had stuck with him. This is the only instance I remember, of a conviction in that point of deserting
the ordinances, made by means of any thing said or done by me for that end, where the party was not some way inclining, before, to return.
After the woman was brought to a confession, the adulterer stifly denied. Dealing with his conscience, I took one of the twins she had brought forth, and holding it before his face, posed him with his being the father of it. Nevertheless he persisted in the denial though evidently under consternation, his moisture being visibly dried up in the struggle with his conscience. He being removed, I went out, and dealt with him privately; and having observed, that two of his children he had by his wife, had been removed by death, soon after, or about the time, in which, as was alleged, he begot those two adulterous ones, I told him, that it seemed to me, God had written his sin in that his punishment. To which he answered, That indeed he himself thought so; and so confessed. Being called in again, he judicially confessed his guilt of adultery with that woman, and that he was the father of her twins.
That spring, being the first I had in the place, the change of the air, appeared, on my body's breaking out in sore boils. For great was the cold and moistness of the air in Etterick, in comparison of that at Simprin.
In April I was a member of the General Assembly. And the oath of abjuration being then imposed by law on those in office in the civil government, there were applications made to ministers, by several persons whom it reached, for their judgment in the point of the lawfulness or unlawfulness thereof; and ministers on that occasion coming in to Edinburgh to the assembly, it was earnestly desired, that the assembly might consider that matter, and give their resolution of the case. But it was waved, and men were left to their own light. This was heavy to me and thereupon I could not but observe the justice of the dispensation, whereby about four years after, it was brought to ministers' own doors. While I was yet at Simprin, I had conversed with a minister from Ireland, who had left
that country upon his scrupling to take it; and whereas a neighbouring minister in the English border, having missed the time of taking that oath, and therefore shifting to preach in his own congregation till another occasion of it should offer, wrote to me to preach a day for him, I had no freedom to exchange pulpits for a day with him on that occasion, and so declined it. Now it was brought into Scotland by means of the Union, as several other snares have been.
Having hitherto had a sorry habitation in the old manse, it was this summer razed, and a new one built; I and my family, in the meantime, living in the stable and barn; in the former of which were made a chimney and partition. And there, on Wednesday August 4, about eleven o'clock in the forenoon, was born to me a son, whom, baptized on the 9th day by Mr. John Rutherford minister of Yarrow, I did, after no small struggle with myself, adventure to call Ebenezer. But it pleased the Lord, that he also was removed from me, dying on the 1st of October. It fell seasonably in our ordinary, that morning he was born, at family duties, to sing Psalm 72:11–14. How to call him, was no small exercise to me. I went to God, and was laid open to his determination in that point. I say it was no small exercise; for when I considered, how that, after the death of Ebenezer, my soul had often said to the Lord, How will this loss be made up? and my prayer had still been, that God would give me another pillar to set up, and if he would do so, he would determine me thereto by his call; for I always thought I durst not do it without a particular call thereto; and now that God had so far heard my prayer, in giving me another boy, this seemed to call me to set up my pillar again. On the other hand it racked me to think, What if he die too? to this the experience I had at the second winter sacrament, gave a hopeful answer. Then I remembered how this had been reasoned in my own mind after the death of Ebenezer, and was this same way answered. His mother fell very ill after she was delivered; and my perplexity in this point continued; besides my trouble about her case, which being so very bad, I could not yet send for one to baptize the child. On Friday night, I earnestly entreated of the Lord a token, whereby I might
know my duty; and I thought I would take it as a token if his mother recovered; and she did recover on the morrow; and the same day I sent to Yarrow to Mr. Rutherford to come and baptize the child. This recovery, so seasonable, seemed to be speaking, as to the point I was concerned about; yet did my perplexity not remove thereby. Wherefore I asked my own conscience, as before the Lord, whether I durst call him otherwise or not? And I found I durst not, seeing God had so answered my prayers, lest it should be found a mocking of God. Wherefore Ebenezer I called him; and when I was holding him up, I thought I saw my action was a struggle of faith, against sense, and the stream of providence, that had run so cross to me and impetuously here. But the clouds did so return after the rain for a long time after that, that I endeavoured to keep loose gripes of him.
Oct. 1.—Friday. About two hours before day he died. On the Monday after he fell sick, I thought to spend some time in prayer for his case; but it went not well with me at all. Sitting down, I heavily thought with myself, This would not do. Presently I was called on, and he was very ill. I found at that time his case altered just according to my frame. My wife being scarce of milk, I endeavoured to get a nurse in the Merse, when I was at the sacrament of Simprin the latter end of August; but got none; but had hopes of one of two there. That week we should have sent back for that end, was very stormy; so we were diverted, and got one near hand, about seven days before he died. On the Monday before he died, I resolved to spend some time in prayer about his case, which I did in the barn. At first I was very dull, and it was like to go ill with me; but I protested in my heart, that I would not quit it so; and this resoluteness was not without success; for the Lord did indeed loose my bands; and there I renewed my covenant with God, and did solemnly and explicitly covenant for Ebenezer, and in his name accept of the covenant, and of Christ offered in the gospel; and gave him away to the Lord, before angels, and the stones of that house, as witnesses. I cried also for his life, that Ebenezer might live before him, if it were his will. But when, after that exercise, I came into the house, I found, that instead of being better, he was worse. The last two days of his life, the Lord struck him with
sore sickness, which at length made me less peremptory for his life. But in the day of distress the solemn covenant was sweet, and my heart was thankful to the Lord that helped me to it. At length the Lord called him away; and while he was drawing his last breaths, he so smiled that the sight of it made my heart to loup. I have read of other instances of this, but never saw another. On Tuesday or Wednesday before, his sister fell sick of the measles whereof he died, but she escaped. I believe the Lord sent that, as for further trial, so to moderate our sorrow in his case. That the nurse came was good providence; for by her he was supported in his sickness; and that she was got so near hand, and not from the Merse, seemed a design of mercy. When the child was laid in the coffin, his mother kissed his dust. I only lifted the cloth off his face, looked on it, and covered it again, in confidence of seeing that body rise a glorious body. When the nails were driving, I was moved for that I had not kissed that precious dust, which I believed was united to Jesus Christ, as if I had despised it; and I would fain have caused draw the nail again, but because of one that was present, I restrained, and violented myself. So far as I remember, I was never so much straitened to know why the Lord contended with me, as in this. I could not say, that I was secure as to his life since he was born. I know many things in my heart and life offensive to the Lord; but to pitch on any one thing, so as to say of it, this is the cause, was what I could not get done. Often in that distress, my soul has said to the Lord, "Thou knowest that I am not wicked." I remember I had a more than ordinary freedom with God, to refuse process according to the covenant of works, but that it should be according to the covenant of grace. But I see most plainly, that sovereignty challenges a latitude, to which I must stoop, and be content to follow the Lord in an untrodden path; and this made me with more ease to bury my second Ebenezer than I could do the first. That scripture was very useful to me, 'It was in my heart to build a house to the Lord." I learned not to cry, How will the loss be made up? but being now in that matter as a weaned child, desired the loss to be made up by the presence of the Lord. I had ground to think, that I had been too peremptory as to his life in seeking it.
Upon public reading of the act of the commission of the General Assembly, against Mr. John Macmillan and Mr. John Macneill, the two preachers of the separation, on the Lord's day, December 12, I preached a sermon from 1 Cor. 1:10, "Now, I beseech you brethren,— that there be no divisions among you," &c. Copies of this sermon, which was directed precisely against the separation, being desired, I having transcribed it, allowed to be given out; and it was of some use for a time. The original notes, and transcript, are both of them in retentis among my notes.*
The year 1709 was to me a year remarkable among many. In the latter end of March, the second adultery was delated, and confessed by the adulteress; but the adulterer was not convicted till September following. Meanwhile my circumstances in the parish were brought to a pitch of hopelessness, by the Lord's withdrawing supporters from me; that "I might trust in the living God, who raiseth the dead, and calleth things that are not to be as if they were."
Having, in the preceeding August, ordained three elders, the eldership was now seven in number; one of the five above mentioned, as signers of the petition, having soon after my settlement removed out of the parish. The families, in whom was the greatest encouragement I had in the place, from the time of my settling among them, were those of James Bryden, tenant in Coffarshill, Walter Bryden in Crosslie, Robert Paterson in Thirlestone, Adam Linton in Midgehop, and James Biggar in Upper Dalgleish. James Bryden aforesaid was a very friendly man; but he soon broke, his substance failing. Walter was a plain, pious, friendly man, and an elder; but he removed out of the parish with his family this year at the Whitsunday. In July I met with the piercing trial of the death of "William Biggar, brother to the said James; who having gone along with me to the communion at Penpont, died there. Of which I shall give an account afterwards. He was a most kindly, pious, good man, unlike the country, an elder also, and most useful in his office. Moreover, Mr. Paterson aforesaid, a third of my elders, a very friendly man, who by that time, I think, had got good of the
gospel, and did much balance the influence of an heritor in the parish at first, and friendly to me, having bought the estate of Drygrange, removed to it with his family about the Martinmas the same year. Thus three of the most valuable of my seven elders were taken from me. Adam Linton foresaid was also an elder, and a good man, and he and his family from the beginning really friendly; and those of them who remain, continue so still; but they had about them a great measure of the hardness of the temper of the country. But James Biggar, an elder, with his family, were the family which was the most comfortable to me as a minister of the gospel. So it was all along, and so it continues to this day. May the blessing of God, "whose I am, and whom I serve," rest on them, from generation to generation! May the glorious gospel of his Son catch them early, and maintain its ground to them to the end; of the which I have seen some comfortable instances already! Several of them have, of late years, been carried off by death; but they have been comfortable to me in their life, and in their death too.
By the means aforesaid, and otherwise too, the current of holy providence was so strong against me, that I had much ado, to bear up before it; but still God's calling to the place remained clear, plain, and unperplexed. Howbeit the Lord pitied. In the end of the year, James, son to Walter Bryden aforesaid, came in his father's room, an elder, and very well filled up his father's room every way. And I lived in a peculiar friendship with both father and son while they lived.
From the time of my settling here, the great thing I aimed at in my preaching, was to impress the pleople with a sense of their need of Christ, and to bring them to consider the foundations of practical religion. For the which ends, after some time spent in direct preaching the need of Christ, and handling the parable of the wise and foolish builders, some of which sermons are written in shorthand characters, I did on May 9, 1708, begin an ordinary, the same, for substance, as in the first years of my ministry in Simprin, but prosecuted after another manner. That part of it which contained the doctrine of man's fourfold state, then begun, was ended this year on
the 16th of October. The conduct of providence in leading to a second attempt on that subject, was the more remarkable, considering what the same providence had designed it for, unknown to and unlooked for by me, till the event discovered itself years after. And the preaching of these sermons of the Fourfold State, through the mercy of God, was not in vain. Thereafter I proceeded in the remaining part of that ordinary, viz. the nature and necessity of holiness.
Meanwhile, on October 30, I began to preach catechetical doctrine; and I went through the whole catechism, from the beginning to the end; but at several distant times.* At that time I proceeded straight forward, till I came to the application of the redemption purchased by Christ; where I stopt.
Twice a-year I catechised the parish, having no diet but one at the church; and once a-year I visited their families. The former was usually begun about the end of October, the latter about the end of April, or beginning of May. This was my ordinary course all along, save that of some few late years, through my wife's extraordinary sickness in the spring, and the decay of my own strength, I have not got the visiting of families performed as before; neither have I hope of it any more, though I still aim at something of that kind yearly. But I bless God, that when I had ability, I was helped to lay it out that way. Thus the winter season was the time wherein I did most of my work in the parish. Meanwhile that also was the reason wherein I did most in my closet. Being twelve miles distant from the presbyteryseat, I attended it not in the winter; but when I attended it, I ordinarily went away and returned the same day, being loath to lose two or three days on it.
These things, with other incidents, occasioned me much riding; in which I must acknowledge the goodness of God, that brought me out of Simprin, where I had but little occasion of riding, and my health was sore broken. But here I had more exercise of that kind, which no doubt was to my advantage in that point, though now at length my strength is much wasted away. The which has necessarily made an
alteration in the course of my management; but the diets of catechising are still in the winter, only I begin now sooner than I was wont; and the winter nights, that were my best employed times in my closet, I cannot now spend so any more, as before.
July 10.—This year I was at the sacrament in Penpont. When the express came with the letter inviting me, I was indisposed; but retiring and seeking counsel of the Lord, two things seemed to promise that I should go to that place; 1. That being invited to the sacrament at G. July 3, Providence hindered me, though very pressing instances were made, partly by bodily indisposition and otherwise; and Penpont being just the Lord's day after, I could not have left the parish two days at once; besides there being thirtyseven miles betwixt the places; 2. The letters not having come the two weeks before, while I was in the Merse, at which time they should have come, if not sooner. On the Wednesday I began to study, and with some difficulty fell on that text; Gen. 28:17; but it went very ill with me; neither could I alter, though I had frequent thoughts of laying it aside. The vein of it was never opened to me till Thursday betwixt three and four o'clock, and then I studied it that night. But I had no time to study another to preach after the sacrament. On Friday morning, while I was at breakfast, my horse standing saddled for the journey, W. D. came in and told me, that my horse was all swelled in the counter and side, (and my other horse was at Boswell's fair.) This surprising dispensation stung me to the heart, being so timed. I knew not what to do. To get forward appeared a great difficulty; and to stay at home upon this, seemed to be to make a Bible of providence. So I went away, thinking to hire a horse by the way; but two that we had a mind for, both misgave. William Biggar, one of my elders, went alongst with me, the rather that I had been indisposed. My horse served me, so that we came to Penpont that night safely. When I came there, I found there were other two appointed to preach on the Saturday; but Mr. Murray would have me to be a third. I peremptorily refused, and so laid aside thoughts of preaching that day; but withal I was displeased, that I should have been called to come so far, to a place where there was no need, and
left my own congregation desolate. On the morrow Mr. Murray pressed me again to preach with the other two; and I yielded; and so went to my chamber to prepare for preaching that day with the other two, Mr. D. and Mr. P. While I was there, I heard some with Mr. Murray in the other room, speaking not very favourably of three preachings. Within a very little I went into that room, upon that occasion, and found Mr. P. there alone, who very freely gave me to understand his mind, and then went away to the tent to begin. Then Mr. Murray and Mr. D. came thither; and I said to Mr. Murray, It is time now we were at a point; pray determine what we are to do. To which he answered, Well, I am content. Very well, said I; and so I went, and cast off my band, and put on my cravat again. This made me very uneasy. I heard sermons, and they were but short; and had I been desired again, I had certainly preached. When we came home, I found this a great temptation; and was sorry I should have come, and left my parish desolate. But it was too far off to help it then. Then they urged me to make the exercise in the kirk, which I very peremptorily refused; and the rather that I had been put to pains before to no purpose; and having had so much vexation, and having been before indisposed ere I came from home, I found my body very weak. However that exercise was as peremptorily laid upon me, Mr. Murray saying to me, You must do it. Well, then, said I, I shall do it. So I retired a little, and then went to the exercise, where, I think, would have been three hundred people in the church. It pleased the Lord to blow upon us, and it was very well with me; and there was indeed an uncommon moving among the people. One told me afterwards, that he never saw the like in that place since he knew it; and told me of some particular persons whose hearts the Lord had touched. After I came out, turning homeward speedily, I saw several people gathered together in the church-yard with some of the ministers, amongst whom there was a man crying under convictions. Mr. Murray's boy came home weeping. When I came home, within a while I heard that William Biggar was sick. To-morrow he continued so, which was afflicting to me. I communicated in a tender melted frame, especially at the first. On the Lord's day night, we began to apprehend that William Biggar was in a dangerous case. He