orderly, according to the years, generally, wherein the books came to
the time of the civil wars. Finding them to point to the subject I was in particular concern about, I brought them both away. The latter, a book of Saltmarsh's, I relished not; and I think I returned it without reading it quite through. The other, being the first part only of the Marrow, I relished greatly; and having purchased it at length from the owner, kept it from that time to this day; and it is still to be found among my books. I found it to come close to the points I was in quest of; and to shew the consistency of these, which I could not reconcile before; so that I rejoiced in it, as a light which the Lord had seasonably struck up to me in my darkness.
What time, prcisely, this happened, I cannot tell; but I am very sure, that, by the latter end of the year 1700, I had not only seen that book, but digested the doctrine thereof in a tolerable measure; since by that time I was begun to preach it, as I had occasion abroad. Such opportunities I took, to give way to the then bent of my heart, which I could not so directly satisfy at home, being on the ordinary aforesaid.
The first parcel of books I got added to my small library, was in the year 1702. The which year, in August, Mr. Simson aforesaid being in my closet, and looking at my book-press, smiled; the which, from whatever principle he did it, touched me to the quick, being conscious of my want of a tolerable quantity. Among these were Zanchy's works, and Luther on the Galatians, which I was much taken with; and providence also laid to my hand, about that time, Beza's Confession of Faith. Most of the books mentioned in the 2d, 3d, and 4th pages of my catalogue yet in retentis, whose prices are set down with them, were purchased in that year, and the following 1703. And from the year 1704, the catalogue aforesaid goes on orderly, according to the years, generally, wherein the books came to my hand.
Being thus provided, I was in better case to pursue my search, to my farther instruction and confirmation. In this manner, I reached, through grace, a distinctness and certainty, as to several points of the doctrine of grace, that I had not before. And what contributed
thereto was, that I purposely studied some points of that nature, for my own satisfaction; and set down my thoughts in writing; particularly these three points, viz:—1. Whether or not the sins of believers, while unrepented of, make them liable to eternal punishment? 2. Whether or not all sins, past, present, and to come, are pardoned together and at once? 3. Whether or not repentance be necessary, in order to the obtaining of the pardon of sin?
Meanwhile, after I was let into the knowledge of the doctrine of grace, as to the state and case of believers in Christ, I was still confused, indistinct, and hampered in it, as to the free, open, and unhampered access of sinners unto him. And thus, I am sure, it was with me, till the year 1702. How long I continued so thereafter, I know not. But, through the mercy of God, I was by the year 1704, let into that point also; and so far confirmed therein, that, on the 9th of July that year, at a communion in Coldinghame, I preached on Matth. 11:18, "Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden," &c., then and there giving the true sense of that text, since published in the notes on the Marrow, and prosecuting it accordingly. And by the same time also, I reckon I had the true sense of the parallel texts; Isa. 55:1; Matth. 9:12, 13, since that time also published in the notes aforesaid. How I was led thereto, I cannot distinctly tell; but I apprehend I had taken the hint from the Marrow; and I had no great fondness for the doctrine of the conditionality of the covenant of grace.
With relation to the point last named, I remember, that upon a young man's mentioning, in a piece of trial before the Presbytery, the conditions of the covenant of grace; I quarrelled it, having no great gust for faith's being called the condition thereof, but abhorring the joining of other conditions with it. Thereupon he was appointed to deliver an exegesis on the question, "An fœdus gratiæ sit conditionatum?" This the young man, in his exegesis, resolved in the affirmative; though, I think, he held by faith only as the condition. I impugned this thesis, using this argument, viz., "I will be their God, and they shall be my people," is not conditional, but absolute; but
this is the covenant; ergo, the covenant is not conditional. To which Mr. Ramsay aforesaid answered for the young man, That the covenant of grace was indeed a testament, and not, properly speaking, conditional. Herewith I was satisfied, and declared I would not insist, since I had been in earnest; but withal that I thought it was pity, that such an improper way of speaking of faith should be used; since it was not scriptural, was liable to be abused, and ready to lead people into mistakes.
These things, in these days, while I was in the Merse, gave my sermons a certain tincture, which was discerned; though the Marrow, from whence it sprang, continued in utter obscurity; but they were acceptable to the saints; neither did brethren shew disgust of them. I conversed occasionally on some of these points with brethren, particularly with Mr. Ramsay, then in Eymouth; and indeed he was still on the other side of the question. We had then some of the same arguments, that, afterwards in the year 1723, were cast up before the synod, in Mr. "Wilson's affair; but these disputes marred not our friendship, he being still pleased to call me to assist at the communion with him in Eymouth, though he used not to be with me at Simprin on that occasion. The worthy Mr. Colden also had a difficulty to admit what I advanced on the first question aforesaid; but after some reasoning, he owned there was some weight in that argument, If believers were liable to eternal wrath in the case mentioned, they behoved to be so, either by the law and covenant of works, or by the gospel, and covenant of grace; not the first, for believers are dead to it; not the second, for that it condemns no man.
As for the subject of baptism; after I was settled among the people of Simprin, and had entered closely on my work, finding some of them grossly ignorant, and hardly teachable in the ordinary way, and casting in my mind what course to take with such, I drew up in writing a little form of catechising in the fundamentals, in short questions and answers, on design to teach it them privately in my my house. I do not well remember the progress of that affair; nor do I
well know where these questions are; but afterward I used the same, in the case of my little children, in the first place, when they became capable of instruction. Among other such grossly ignorant, there was one, who desiring his child to be baptised, I could not have freedom to grant his desire for some time; neither am I clear, whether, when the child was baptised, it was baptized on a satisfying account of the fundamental principles from him or his wife. Whatever had laid the foundation of such scrupling, I was, by means of such straitening in practice, brought closely to consider that point. And having purposely studied the question, Who have a right to baptism, and are to be baptised? I wrote my thoughts thereon also. And being one day in conversation on that head with Mr. William Bird, dissenting minister in Barmoor in England, he presented to me Fulwood's discourse of the visible church, for clearing me. Bringing home the said book with me, I considered it, and wrote also some animadversions on a part of it. From that time I had little fondness for national churches strictly properly so called, as of equal latitude with the nations; and wished for an amendment of the constitution of our own church, as to the membership thereof.
There were, besides these, other two questions I bestowed some thoughts on, in like manner. The one, Where had sin its lodging place in the regenerate? the occasion whereof was a discourse with Mr. Mair on that head; but I doubt if I have well understood him in that point. The other, Why the Lord suffers sin to remain in the regenerate? which had its rise from a particular straitening on that head in my own private case, as before narrated.
My thoughts on these several subjects, written for my own satisfaction, I had, by the 4th of August this year 1704, all fairly transcribed for conservation, in a book purchased for the purpose, and which I have called "The Miscellany Manuscript;" and thereby it was filled up to p. 325.* But whereas I had, in May 1703, begun exercises on the Confession of Faith, written at large for my own instruction, and the edification of the people, to whom I delivered them, for the evening exercise on Sabbaths for ordinary, that work
was continued only to the end of that year 1703. And in the said space of time I went through the first two chapters only. I judge its proving sometimes too strong meat for the people; and its requiring more time and study than my other affairs could well allow, contributed to the breaking me off from that design, that otherwise would have been very profitable to myself for my instruction in the whole system.
I had, on the 3d of September, in my course of lecturing, proceeded unto the epistle to the Romans. And whereas it was not my ordinary practice to write my lectures; yet having considered that epistle, as the proper fountain from whence the doctrine of justification was to be drawn, I had an earnest desire of insight into it, so far as I could reach; for which cause, having gathered together some commentaries upon it, I studied the doctrinal part thereof, viz., to chap. 12. with that design, and wrote some thoughts thereon, which are in retentis. But sticking too precisely unto the lecturing of a chapter every Lord's day, this did, of course, make them the more superficial; and withal the work was interrupted in the 5th and 7th chapters.
As in the former part of this year, I had got a new parcel of books, so toward the latter end thereof, in October, I got another. This parcel I had bought in England. Ere I got them home, they had stolen away my heart, and I was extremely fond of them. This raised me in a great fear while the lad was gone to fetch them; and it sent me to God; but I had no confidence. The books were taken, and then I saw well that my sin had found me out. This was a piece of trouble to me for two or three days. At length I resolved to lay myself down at God's feet, and to leave caring for the books; which that I might the better do, I applied myself to the work of ministerial visitation of families. Having spent but a forenoon in that way, when I came in, it was told me, that the books were in Ladykirk, and I might send for them when I would. Among these books were some of Lightfoot's pieces, the which did especially take with me, in respect of the Jewish learning therein; to which a particular bias seems always to have been hung on me, plainly perceiving the singular usefulness thereof for
understanding of the holy scriptures. While I proceeded in acquainting myself with these, as I had access, I studied his description of the temple, so as I made a draught of the temple and the altar accordingly, which to this day hang in my closet. And though, being an utter stranger to mathematics, I could not represent things in their proper figures; yet that draught such as it is, so fixed the idea of the temple with me in some measure of distinctness, that it soon became familiar to me, and hath since that time been of very great use to me on several occasions.
That winter I visited a woman in Homtoun, who alleged the devil was in her. After I had spoke and prayed with her, I went out, and in the meantime she got out of the bed, and cried with a most horrid cry, without intermission, near a quarter of an hour. Coming in, and finding her in this case, I often desired her but to say, God help me; and she still said, she could not, and cried again. A weaver-lad had prayed with her; she told him the devil had said to her, she could be nothing the better of that good prayer, because it was not her own prayer, but his. To which the young man answered, The devil is a liar; for the prayer was not mine, but the Spirit's, I admired the answer.
Being with E. P. the night before she died, I had no satisfaction in converse with her; which affected me exceedingly. Thereupon I came in to my closet, and set myself to wrestle with God on her account; and then went to her again, and was much comforted in her; so that my spirit was more than ordinarily elevated. She said she fixed on that word, "Thou hast played the harlot with many lovers; yet return again to me, saith the Lord."
In the latter part of the month of December, it pleased the Lord to threaten to remove my wife by death, being violently sick. I was anxious exceedingly, and above measure grieved on that account. She recovered; but God met me in such a manner, that I was most convincingly made to smart for that excess.
After having closed the ordinary of subjects for the Sabbath, as before narrated, I handled some texts for exciting unto exercise to godliness; and, upon a particular occasion from the parish, I treated of divine desertion; a subject which, together with that of communion with God, was, in the early days of my hearing the gospel, much in the mouths of the old experienced ministers, though now much worn out of our practical divinity, through the decay, I doubt, of soul-exercise and experience among ministers and people. Afterwards I did, on the 10th of December, enter on the epistle to the church of the Laodiceans; Rev. 3:14–22, on which I dwelt till May 6, 1706.
Having administered the sacrament of the Lord's supper in the summer season, yearly, hitherto from the time I began that course, I did, on January 28, 1705, administer it again; and this course of administering it in the winter season also, was continued from that time yearly, till I was removed from that place. And thus we had that soul-strengthening ordinance twice a-year from this time. My son Robert was sick before; and I was laying my account with his death, even in the fore-end of that month. It was the first sacrament I gave in the winter-time. I was engaged to that way, for the benefit of the good people in the corner, who through the winter have no occasion of partaking of that solemn ordinance; and I found it was what I could get done. It pleased the Lord to meet me as an enemy in the way. My child died on the Friday, and was buried on Saturday, the preparation-day, after sermon. I was reproached through the country; for, by the instigation of the devil, it was spread through the country, that I would allow none but those of our own parish to communicate, which (as it was said) kept away several persons. These things were very heavy to me and my afflicted wife, who yet was helped to carry the burden very christianly. They were the more affecting, in that I knew some ministers had no good eye upon the project, whereof one particularly helped to spread the report above said. However, all my losses were made up, the work went pleasantly on, the Lord sealed it in the consciences of many godly, with most evident tokens of his good pleasure, there being very much of God's
presence with us at that work. And I observed the impression of it lasted longer on the parish, and the fruits of it were more visible, and in greater measure, than any other I remember we had before. While I had been laying my account with the death of the child in the foreend of the month, I had wished in my heart, that seeing there was nothing but death for him, it might so fall out, that he might be buried on a Lord's day after sermons, by which means a competent number of people might be gathered together with little trouble and expense. This sin was lively painted out to me in this stroke. We had but one sermon on the Saturday, and another on the Monday, preached by Mr. Colden, the only minister assisting to me; and I think Mr. David Brown, then probationer, now minister of Selkirk, preached on the Sabbath afternoon. I added some exhortations on the Saturday, and also on the Monday after the sermon; the which are in retentis, in the folio note-book. As the former was ordinary, so the latter, viz, the exhortation on the Monday, I have used for many years, and, I hope, with advantage; having learned it from the example of Mr. Bird, the English minister aforesaid, whom I was wont to be assistant to on such occasions. I never had a gust for gathering together many ministers at communions; though, in the meantime, I continued to call two or three in the summer, and had two sermons on the Saturdays and Mondays. Soon after my ordination, I got a great disgust of the Monday's dinners, perceiving what snares they were, not only to the families of the respective ministers, but to the guests also. And by this course I was free of both these, providing a moderate entertainment for my few assistants. And now in Etterick, our Monday's dinners are turned to the entertaining especially of strangers, who coming from afar, have real need of a dinner to fit them for their journey homeward again. By occasion of these communions in the winter-season, many of the godly throughout the country were gathered about us; which made these latter years of my ministry in Simprin more especially comfortable; but these halcyon-days of my ministry lasted not long, but were soon at an end.
On Thursday, November 1, about the evening-twilight, my daughter Jane was born, and she was baptized on the 8th, by Mr. John Dysert, minister at Coldinghame. I had gone away that morning unto Preston, to join in a congregational fast there, where Mr. Colden, and Mr. Laurence Johnston, minister of Dunse, preached; and coming home at night, I found the child was brought forth; the only one, in bringing forth of whom I shared not of the pangs, according to my capacity. By that child's birth at that time, providence was laying in for the heavy days we have seen of late years, in my wife's case.
Proceeding in my course of lecturing, December 23, unto the epistle to the Galatians, I considered it also as a fountain of the great doctrine of justification; and therefore was in particular concern for understanding thereof. Wherefore, addressing myself to the study of it, I wrote a paraphrase thereon, from the beginning to the end thereof: the which is to be found in the folio note-book aforesaid.* And this was all, I think, of that kind, which I did at Simprin.
There it was, that, by the kind conduct of providence, I was led to, and acquired, the French tongue. What time I began it, I do not remember; only I am sure I had not seen the grammar till after I was removed unto the new manse. But by this year 1705, I had read French books, and made some things therein read my own in English. From Mr. Charles Murthland, governor to Moriston, I had got a paper of rules for reading that language; the which I transscribed into a note-book. And from thence it was that I learned the pronunciation. The grammar, and all the books of that kind which I read, except an old one, being borrowed, I was the more careful to transcribe things out of them into my own Adversaria, or commonplace book; the which also was my manner with other books too, especially borrowed ones. About that time I framed a part of the folio note-book aforesaid, for recording therein any remarkable exposition of scripture-texts, which should occur to me in reading. My hands, having, of later years, been otherwise providentially filled up, I made but small progress therein; but I judge the pursuing of the design, to the filling up of the blanks, might be of very good use.
Jan. 9, 1706.—This night I was under great discouragement, and temptation, to give over the weekly sermon, or at least not to be at such pains about it. The temptation arose from the badness of the night, (for in the winter it was kept in the night in my own house, and in the summer in the kirk in the day-time); whereupon I concluded, that few would wait upon it. The temptation spread to several other things, as that none of my neighbours did so, &c. Nevertheless the people came very frequent to it; and the Lord struck the bottom out of my discouragement, by giving me more than ordinary of his presence in the sermon; so that I would not for any thing have given it over. This has often been my temptation; and thus ordinarily the Lord delivered me out of it.
On the 27th of January, the sacrament was administered again. Before I proposed it to the eldership, I spent some time in secret prayer with fasting, and saw it my duty to insist in that way, though the entry to it had been very hard. The day being condescended on by the session, and Mr. Colden written to, for assistance, but the day not being publicly intimated, my daughter fell very ill of that disease her brother died of last year. This was a heavy exercise to me; what to do, I knew not. Should I go on, and the child die at this time, then said my heart, "What wilt thou do to thy great name?" My good will be evil spoken of, which the Lord knows I intended for his glory, and the refreshment of his people in the country-side. It will be thought testified against by the Lord himself; and it will be said, that what man could not hinder me to do, God would; and so my design will be broken, and I broken by it. On the other hand, thought I, will the neglect of duty preserve my child, or fit me for bearing the loss of her? Again therefore I went to God, by prayer with fasting; and still my cry was, "What wilt thou do to thy great name?" At length I was led to think, Why am I thus continually crying, "What wilt thou do to thy great name?" cannot God provide for his glory, though I cannot see how, even though my former tragical affliction be reacted? It is my duty, I will venture; let the Lord do what seemeth him good. So I intimated the diet fourteen days before. And it pleased the Lord, that my child began to recover quickly after, my fears were dispelled, and
the Lord did more for me that way than I could have expected in so short a time. I do not remember that ever I gave the sacrament, but I had some trying affliction in my way, either from the congregation or otherwise, Satan being on my top before or after. I had readily always something to thurst through violently ere I could get at it.
Since December, 1704, I have preached on the epistle to the church of the Laodiceans; and at the two last sacraments I changed not my ordinary. At the sacrament in June, 1705, the 18th verse, Rev. 3, fell to be the ordinary, and the action-sermon closed my discourse on that verse. One way and another I was held on the 19th verse, so that the preparation-sermons for the sacrament in January, 1706, fell in the ordinary on these words, ver. 20, "If any man open to me, I will come in to him," and the action-sermon on these, "And will sup with him, and he with me." I and others of the congregation could not but mark, how those large offers came, in the providence of God, to be so sealed. I remember, when I had been preaching against the delaying of repentance from ver. 19, God preached that over in bulk, and in some particulars, by his providence immediately after. And the sacrament, that fell to be the ordinary, ver. 21, "To him that overcometh," &c, on which verse particularly we had several sweet days. The second Lord's day after the sacrament, one of the best of the parish fell under such a trial as I had been warning them of, about two hours after she went home from the church that day. That day I resolved to preach short, but could not get it done; those particular heads which came last behoved to be delivered that day; the design whereof I quickly saw by that dispensation, being called that night to see that person.
On the Sabbath night, after the public work was over, Mr. Colden, my assistant, gave me the news of a call to the parish of Etterick for me. The same was shortly after brought before our Presbytery; who, finding it to be a mere presbyterial call tanquam jure devoluto, without concurrence of the parish, referred the affair of the transmitting thereof unto the synod, which was to meet in March.
March 4.—My health being broken, and thinking to go to Dunse to speak with Dr. Trotter about it; after I had once and again gone to God by prayer, to see what was my duty, I did see it was my duty to go that day. And being just ready to go away, my wife, out of tenderness to me, dealt with me to stay at home for that day, and I yielded. Then I fell on writing up the synod-book, to be ready for the general assembly. Having written some of it, I fell into two blunders, such as I never fell into while I had written that book. Beginning the third page, I fell into a worse error; so that I was forced to lay it aside. At first I thought my indisposition was the cause of this; but at length I saw as clearly as the light, that it was the punishment of my mocking God, in that I had sought to know my duty, God had discovered it, and after all I laid it aside. But after all I was made to bless God for these errors. And when I was helped to see my sin, and take with the punishment of my iniquity, then, though not till then, saw I how to get them amended. It was the Lord's goodness that they fell to be where they were.
My health being broken as aforesaid, I took advice about it. And this was not the first time that it had been so with me, even since my marriage. Some former year I had gone to Berwick, to consult upon that account Dr. Alexander Home, who, in the former part of the time I was at Simprin, was our ordinary; and showing him, that I feared a consumption, he freely told me, that I had reason for it; and gave his advice. He was a plain man, good-natured, religiously disposed, ready to do good, and sparing no pains for for that end; easy to all, and would never take a farthing from me. My wife having, by his advice, cut out her hair, and washed her head every morning with cold water, got pretty clear of the pain of her head, for about the space of a year; but at length spurning the remedy, it recurred, and went on periodically as formerly. By this time Dr. John Trotter at Dunse was our ordinary. From him I got a receipt for a diet drink, dated March 7, 1706, consisting of antiscorbutics; the which I used for many years, though now the disease hath much overcome me, maugre all opposition made to it, by that and the like means.
Some time before this, there had been an acquaintance begun between the said Dr. Trotter and me, which arrived at a particular friendship; and towards the latter end of the time I was in Simprin, became most strict and intimate; and so it continued until his death, about the year 1717.
He was second son to Alexander Trotter of Cattlesheil, and married Mrs. Julian Home, sister to the laird of Kimmerghame, a grave, virtuous, and pious gentlewoman. By her he had several children, but all dead by that time, except his daughter Elisabeth, a pleasant and promising girl. She also died of a lingering disease, some little time after his own death; by which means his substance went to his elder brother. He was a grave man, truly religious, acting from a principle of conscience towards God, temperate to a pitch, concerned for the spiritual good of others, particularly his relations; useful by his advice and converse, not only to the bodies, but to the souls of his patients; skilful in his business; and more ready, than ever I knew another, to shew to such as he judged capable, the rationale of his practice in physic; withal he was ready to do good to all, but especially to those of the household of faith. He had something severe in his temper, but was nevertheless a most affectionate and useful friend, whose memory is exceeding dear to me. He not only laid out himself, and that always freely, for my health, and that of my family, both at Simprin, and in Etterick; but upon my removal from the former, to the latter, proposed my looking out a piece of land in Etterick for him to buy, that we might still live together; the which, though it did not take effect, was a sign of singular friendship. To him it was owing, that I ever thought of writing the Fourfold State. I have a piece of gold of his, which I received after his death as a token, and keep wrapt up in a letter of his to me. Besides, there were about 50 merks received for a token to my two eldest children, and about £3 sterling for the two youngest. But by this time I have had occasion to give all of them, except my youngest son, their parts thereof, and much more.
The synod meeting at Dunse, March 19, there was no motion about the affair of Etterick, the whole Presbytery of Selkirk being absent, through mistake of the diet; but there was laid before them a competition of calls for the parish of Kelso; the one to Mr. Andrew Mitchell, minister at Manner, given by the Earl of Roxburgh, other heritors, and several inhabitants of the parish of Kelso; the other to me, by some other of the heritors, the elders, and other inhabitants of the parish aforesaid. That was a business which I think I neither hoped nor feared. The synod waved determining in the competition, but recommended to the parties to agree to one of the ministers called; and if that could not be obtained, to some third person. Meanwhile my health was so broken, that I looked rather like one to be transported into the other world, than into another parish.
At the first meeting of our Presbytry after the synod, none of the Presbytery of Selkirk appearing, at our instance the call to Etterick was declared fallen from. At the following meeting one did appear to pursue it; but his commission was so informal, that it was not sustained. Only our Presbytery declared, that, if they would ask the synod's advice at their meeting in October, they would not reclaim. Thus Providence staved off the commencing of that process, while it stood upon a footing on which it could never have been rendered effectual.
About the beginning of May, I was vehemently importuned to assist at Ednam sacrament. I could get no clearness to yield, in regard of the stumbling I thought it might give to those of the Earl of Roxburgh's party in Kelso; fearing it might be looked on as a fomenting of the division in that parish. However, I yielded to go thither on the Thursday, and preach that day, if no better might be. There I was, by their importunity, put on a most violent rack. However, providence diverted them from urging me to preach that day, on a design to engage me to assist the following days. And after I came, I was more averse from preaching that day than before I came. The more I heard the sermons, the greater were my inclinations to be at that sacrament; the more I prayed, the less I saw it to be my duty;
wherefore being fully cleared, I was peremptory for going home. And by the Lord's unexpected providing instruments there, and his dealing with me at home, I saw more and more it was of the Lord. I never yet lost (so far as I remember) by that which some account niceness, in not going to sacraments when I thought I was called to stay at home. And this has oftener than once been my trial, and ground of reflection on me to others, who looked on it with an evil eye.
June 23.—This day being very warm, I was helped to pray to the Lord to keep the hearers from sleeping. I was heard, so as I could not but observe it. In the prayer before the afternoon's sermon I was helped more than ordinary, and in the sermon there appeared a more than ordinary frame on the people; which when I perceived to abide with them, and that my frame was like to go away from me, I left off. The subject was, That no unworthiness, sinfulness, &c., could be a just hindrance of the soul's coming to Christ. When the Lord minds a mercy to a people, he helps them before hand to pray for it.
At the meeting of the synod in October, the Presbytery of Selkirk, having got a more firm footing for the affair of Etterick than their presbyterial call, appeared and gave in a petition to the synod about it. And together with them appeared, and concurred, the laird of Elliston, an heritor of that parish; Walter Bryden, an elder, tenant in Crosslee; and William Linton, tenant in Cossarshill; and these two latter, by commission from several inhabitants of the said parish. Likewise a petition for the said parish to the Presbytery, signed by five elders, and several masters of families, craving the presbytery would prosecute their call to me, testifying their concurrence, and promising all subjection to me in the Lord, was given in, and read. Hereupon the synod ordered our Presbytery to deliver the call to me, and to transmit the reasons of transportation to me and the parish of Simprin; and appointed some of their own number to meet with our Presbytery, as assistants in the affair, on the second Tuesday of December.
Last spring I was desired in Drummelzier's name to preach at Whittinghame, then vacant; but smelling the design, I was averse to it, and got it shifted. On the 23d of September there was an express sent me, by his order, to preach there next Lord's day, being the Lord's day immediately before the sacrament here. This I was exceeding averse to; but having Mr. Brown to preach for me, that made his agent the more pressing. I went to Dunse to meet Drummelzier, to see if possible I might be excused for that day; but he was not there, as was expected; so I returned, and went back on the Friday, not knowing whither I was going; but observed that morning I was taught to pray that God might divert it. When I came to Dunse, I was presently told, that Drummelzier had sent word, that I needed not come that day. This I gladly received; for I was straitened on the one hand, that I was to give the sacrament the day after, and, on the other, that Drummelzier had said, he would see that no other preached there that day. When, at the last synod the day was fixed for the determination of the business of Etterick, I thought it necessary to go and see the people beforehand, having never yet been in that place. The next week I am to go there. And being again invited to preach at Whittinghame, I had promised to preach there to-morrow, and was resolved to go to Dunse yesternight, but the badness of the weather hindered. This morning I attempted to go away, but found by one that I sent to Leek, that it was utterly impassable. Thus Providence has twice stopt my preaching in that place. I think the Lord means something by it, which afterwards I may see. The first time I could not get a sermon for that place; but after many fruitless endeavours, I saw I would be obliged to take one preached before. The meaning of that was soon opened, as above said. But this time I got my sermons for that place with a great deal of ease and satisfaction; and after studying them, I thought that I would not have a free day from my coming from Whittinghame to my going to Etterick; therefore I began to study for Etterick; but by no endeavours could I get a text, so that I was forced to give it over, till I should have preached at Whittinghame, which I will not now see.
The matter being thus brought close home on me, I, considering myself to be an utter stranger to that place and people having never seen them, judged it altogether necessary to visit them, as is said above, before the said diet of the Presbytery, with the assistant. Accordingly I went to Etterick, accompanied by my dear friend Dr. Trotter. I preached there on a Lord's day, November 3, but in bonds, though the Doctor said he observed no such thing. Even in secret prayer, from the time I left the Merse, I was sadly dried up, at least till the work was over on the Lord's day, except a little on the Lord's day morning. In fine, I judged I met with no such entertainment from the people, as could signify any earnest desire in them to have me to be their minister. So we left them on Monday morning. On Tuesday about ten o'clock we came to Charterhall, where I was surprised with the news of a fast through the two Presbyteries. Not knowing well what to do, Providence led me straight home, having some thoughts of taking another day for our congregation. As I was coming by the end of Swinton loch, that word, Ezra 8:21, "Then I proclaimed a fast there, at the river Ahava," &c., came into my mind; and I had some thoughts on it, as a text for the fast, which was about the Union, the parliament being then sitting upon it. When I came home, contrary to my expectation, the people were in the church, Mr. Mair preaching. So I went immediately into the church, and preached on the aforementioned text in the afternoon, wondering how the Lord had led me in the way I knew not. I was never so willing to be transported to any place as to Etterick; particularly I apprehended it might be better with me as to my own soul's case there than at Simprin. But men's thoughts are vanity. I am now afraid of that transportation. My soul trembles to think of it, and my freedom in prayer about it is, to protest against it before the Lord, unless he command me to go; which does not yet appear.
Our Presbytery forgot to transmit the call and reasons, and to summon us, in due time, to the diet appointed by the synod; but recovering themselves, they appointed a new diet, viz. December 12. On the 10th and 11th of that month, came on such a violent storm of snow, that I concluded there would no pursuers be present. And
comparing this occurrence with the course of Providence all along in the affair, I began to think (but too hastily making a judgment therein), that God had thereby sealed his design, that I was not to be minister of Etterick. Wherefore, before I went to the Presbytery that day, looking on the affair as in a sort already determined, I could not be very serious for light therein; but coming up to the place, I found myself disappointed; two ministers, and two elders of the parish, pursuers, being there. Sir William Cockburn appeared for Simprin. And the affair was issued that day in a reference to the synod in March.
Dec. 31.—The affair of Etterick having occasioned various thoughts of heart to me at several times, I set myself to view the several steps of Providence in it on both sides. Upon the one hand I observe, 1. That Mr. H. having come with the call to our Presbytery, in Feburary or March last, he staid all night in my house; but I was from home. And the call was found to be a bare presbyterial call, without concurrence of heritors, elders, or parish. 2. But the Presbytery having referred the affair of the transmitting of the call and reasons to the synod in March, the whole Presbytery of Selkirk, through a mistake of the diet, was absent from the synod, so there was nothing done in it; and at our next Presbytery after, none of the Presbytery of Selkirk appearing, at our instance the call was declared to be deserted and fallen from. 3. The next Presbytery after, Mr. B. appears; but his commission was so informal that it was not sustained; only our Presbytery declared, that if the Presbytery of Selkirk would ask the synod's advice in this affair, against October next, they would not reclaim. 4. The Presbytery of Selkirk having so managed their business at the October synod, that the synod ordered the call and reasons to be transmitted, and appointed a committee of their number to meet with our Presbytery the first Tuesday of this instant, to determine in that affair; our Presbytery forgot to transmit the call, and reasons of transportation, and to summon us in due time. 5. Being an utter stranger to that people but by report, I thought it duty to go there and preach, before I would hazard the determination; but the letter I sent to Mr. M. to warn the people of my coming, came not
to his hand till the Saturday that I was in Etterick. 6. My entertainment there was not promising, and I was straitened, as above narrated. 7. Our Presbytery having appointed a new diet, viz. December 12, I got the reasons of transportation, which seemed to me so weak, as that it looked like a particular design of Providence, and an infatuation. 8. I went out of Simprin pulpit towards Etterick; for that day I went away, I lectured and baptized, and presently took my horse; and (so to call it) I returned from Etterick to the pulpit of Simprin as above related. 9. Thursday, December 12, the day anew appointed for the meeting of the Presbytery and assistants for determining that affair, was a bad day; a violent storm of snow having come on, on the Tuesday and Wednesday before, (whereas the diet appointed by the synod was excellent weather), so that it could scarcely be thought that either pursuers or assistants would come; and on the Wednesday's night, finding none of them come, I began to conclude, that none of them would appear; and so that, by such a train of providences, the Lord had sealed his design of my not going to Etterick to be minister there. Wherefore, on the morrow, before I went away to the Presbytery, I could scarcely pray seriously about it for light in it, seeing the affair as it were already determined.
But when I went to the Presbytery, within a little of the town, I was surprised with the news of the pursuers being there; and there I found two ministers of the Presbytery, and two elders of the parish. Two papers were shown me, when I alighted, importing the heritors falling from their opposition. The business was by that meeting referred to the synod in March. When I came home, I had several reflections seeming to favour the design of Etterick; and as to some of them, I was made to wonder how my eyes had been held that I could not see them before. They are as follows:—1. That was a surprising turn of Providence, when I went to the Presbytery, expecting none of the pursuers there, that came so quickly after I had thought God had sealed his pleasure in it, and put the top-stone on the providences crossing. I remember, while I was making that conclusion, I was withheld from making it peremptory, by that word; James 5:11, "—have seen the end of the Lord." 2. It was told me, that
the unanimity of the Presbytery in that call was very remarkable; some of them that had other views and engagements to act for others, laying them by for this. 3. Thus far it has been carried over difficulties, particularly the people, refusing their concurrence, who have now with the elders (last summer) given in a petition to the Presbytery, bearing their calling me to be their minister, and promising to submit to my ministry; and the heritors none of them appearing to oppose; only one appeared to pursue it, and that only at the synod. 4. The Lord did signally bind me up from going to Whittinghame, whereas I am informed there was a design of a call for me; and I was led to preach the sermon at Etterick that was designed for Whittinghame; the suitableness whereof I was fully convinced. 5. Some time before the presbytery-day I grew uneasy in my mind, for that I had never preached designedly some particular duties to my people; which things I thought I might dispatch in the space of two or three months; so I resolved, without delay, to fall about them, and have begun already. 6. The desolation of that parish, ever since I saw it, hath had great weight on me; and I am convinced I should have more opportunity to do service for God there than here; but success is the Lord's. 7. Concerning those providences that seemed to cross the design of Etterick, it was a strange thing, that the whole Presbytery should have mistaken the diet of the synod, and that when they had such business before it. But had they been present, the business doubtless would have been tabled; if in that case the synod had refused to transmit the call, the business would have been crushed in the bud; had they ordered the transmitting of it, no doubt the Presbytery had continued me in Simprin, it being contrary both to their light and mine, to transport on a mere presbyterial call. The same is to be said of Mr. B's informal commission; for at that time the business stood only on that weak foot; whereas by these lets the business never came under a judicial cognisance tending to a determination, till it got the people's call as a firmer foot to stand upon. As to our Presbytery's forgetting the synod's diet, I can only remark one thing, that the coming to prosecute the call at that time when they came, was a greater evidence of their affection to me than had they come then, when,
according to the synod's appointment, the business should have been discussed. The miscarrying of the letter to Mr. M. seems to have been subservient to the cold entertainment I thought I met with there. As to which in particular I have remarked, 1. That it was very necessary for me to take off that disposition of spirit, whereby I was too easy in my own mind as to that business; and it set me where I had often desired to be even afraid of that transportation. 2. I find I have made the very same remark as to the inclinations of the people of Simprin, the first time I preached in it, the business being then set on foot. As to my straitening, I find also I have remarked concerning my first preaching in Simprin, that what account to give of that day's, work, I knew not very well.
Jan. 4, 1707.—Monday. This day I went towards Oxnam, to take Mr. Colden's advice about the business of Etterick. As I was going away from home, I began to be very perplexed about that business, and, by the way to Stitchill, the dispensations crossing that affair, seemed so big in my eyes, that I thought it was not the Lord's mind that I should be transported thither. And that night I could not pray about it, any other way than that God would avert it. On the morrow Mr. G., Mr. K., and I went to Oxnam, and found that Mr. Colden was at Edinburgh. Thus was I disappointed. I minded also to have taken his advice, whether to give the winter sacrament at the ordinary time, or delay it. This disappointment determined me to do it at the ordinary time. As to Etterick, I looked on that disappointment as a dispensation confirming the conclusion, that God designed me not for that place. When I came home, I found, that, seeing I had missed my mark at Oxnam, it was necessary to set some time apart for seeking the mind of the Lord himself in it; for now again the cross providences had not such a determining aspect as before.
This I did on Saturday, January 9, having studied my sermons the day before. The upshot of it, with respect to that particular, (for I had also the public affairs and the sacrament in view also), was, that in some measure I could say, that "my countenance was no more sad," the Lord calmed my spirit, which before was perplexed, and helped