3. He had been one of two witnesses to an instrument I had taken in

3. He had been one of two witnesses to an instrument I had taken in

continued ill on Monday, and we were resolved to seek some help for him, and before sermons got one B. to see him. Monday after sermons, as I was going out to see for B. that I might bring him in to W. Biggar, the smith called me to see my horse more swelled than before; and told me, if the smelling in its progress was as quick downwards as it had been hitherto, he was gone. On Tuesday morning W. Biggar grew better; the means being so far blessed, that he got out to and lay down in the garden; but my fears were not removed. In the afternoon he grew worse, and took his bed again; whereupon I resolved to send an express home, though he was not free for it. Accordingly we sent away one on Wednesday. On Thursday death approached fast, and he died that day. His brother saw him alive but unable to speak. And he was buried on the Friday afternoon. He died in hopes of eternal life through Jesus Christ. Among his last words were, "Farewell, sun, (to the best of my remembrance), moon, and stars; farewell, dear minister;—and farewell the Bible;" which last words especially made great impression on me. He blessed God, that ever he had seen my face; which was no small comfort to me, especially in these heavy circumstances. Thus the Lord pulled from me a good man, a comfortable fellow-labourer, and a supporter, or rather the supporter of me in my troubles in this place. He was always a friend to ministers, a fast friend to my predecessor, which helped to complete the ruin of his means. Though he was a poor man, yet he had always a brow for a good cause, and was a faithful, useful elder; and as he was very ready to reprove sin, so he had a singular dexterity in the matter of admonition and reproof, to speak a word upon the wheels, so as to convince with a certain sweetness, that it was hard to take his reproofs ill. Much of that time I had a very ill habit of body, and wondered how I was kept up under the burden. It was a complication of griefs; 1. To his poor widow and children; 2. To Mr. Murray and his family, who spared neither trouble nor expense; 3. To me and my family. My part of it was, 1. That he died abroad in my company at a sacrament; 2. the great loss of him as to the Lord's work in the parish, and particularly in his quarter, the most unruly of the parish; 3. He had been one of two witnesses to an instrument I had taken in

the case of some teinds due to me, which instrument had not come to my hand extended before we went away. That night I went to Penpont, I said in a jest, It is like we would be more troublesome ere we go. Alas! little thought I that I was to see it turned to so sad earnest.

July, 19.—This day I spent some time in prayer, and thinking on this business. As for the causes of it in general I could be in no strait; but to condescend on particulars, has not been easy. So far as I can discern the Lord's mind in it, the great ground of the quarrel was my refusing to preach on the Saturday, though often and earnestly called thereto; in which there was much of my own spirit. Three things do bear me in hand, that this was the true cause of it. 1. Though while I was in Penpont Mr. Murray alleged this was the cause; yet I would not admit it, but rather suspected that I had followed my own inclination in going thither, rather than the Lord's mind; which, upon reflection, I see now how I can charge myself with; but the first time I was convinced of this, was on Saturday after I was come home, out of my own mouth. Telling my wife how matters had gone with me, I happened to say, the text I should have preached on was, "How dreadful is this place!" I would not preach it, but God in his providence preached it over to me. These words left a conviction behind them. 2. Last night in prayer, I was carried out in the view of God's jealousy, and particularly the zeal he hath for his worship, and saw how he takes special notice of a fault in or about it. And this is now the third time that I have fallen into this error of late. For

In August or September last, being desired to assist at the Sacrament in Simprin, and to preach there on the Saturday and after the action, I went thither accordingly; where I met with such harsh entertainment from some, as if I had come uncalled. And when I went there on the Saturday, I found two were appointed to preach that day, whereof I was none. Only I got liberty to be a third preacher if I would. This made me very uneasy; and so my exercise was, to endeavour to be as a weaned child, while I saw my corrupt self amidst the sparks of temptation. And then I got time bitterly to

reflect on my rashness, in that I had not as I ought consulted God, whether I should go to that occasion or not; the thing seeming at first view so clear to my dark mind. I preached the Lord's day at night a little while, for it was both late and rainy, the work before being drawn out so, that it was told them, it seemed they had no mind that I should open my mouth. I had served one table, and the Lord was with me; which Mrs. L. perceiving said in the meantime to another person, There was devilry there; yet at night invited me again and again to her house; but the person she said it to, who had before engaged me, peremptorily refused to let me go with her. I was invited to preach on the Monday with other two, but peremptorily refused. On the Monday morning I was again desired, but refused; the rather that I had nothing to preach but the Saturday's sermon. But a minister who had no hand in that work, easily dealt with a modest person who was to have preached, so as that he would not preach; and being broke with the intreaties of some with whom I had formerly had good days, I yielded, and preached the sermon I designed for Saturday on the Monday. The text was Psalm 103:5. The last clause of it I preached on the Lord's day at night, and the first on Monday; and the Lord was with me. The Lord so transposed these sermons in his providence; and it was afterwards told me, that if I had not delivered it after the other, many would not have known where to have fastened their feet.

Likewise at Morbattle, June 19, 1709, being invited to preach on Saturday and Sabbath afternoon, I went thither on Friday's night, and on the Saturday was preparing to preach, till about a quarter or half an hour before the sermons began; at which time Mr. D. having come, I overheard him saying to Mr. Simson, that he would not preach twice unless he preached that day. Finding they were in confusion, I offered to quit my diet; and it was accepted. On the Sabbath afternoon I went home before all the tables were served, and prepared my sermon; but Mr. H. would needs have that diet. It was grievous to me; but having no confidence to look for the Lord's assistance if I should be peremptory that I would preach, I yielded; and so all I did for my riding two and twenty or four and twenty

miles, was to preach on the Sabbath morning, a diet that in my opinion might be spared, and which I myself use not. So Mr. H. who preached on Saturday, preached on the Sabbath afternoon, and Mr. D. and C. on the Monday. Mr. Simson urged me to be a third, but by no means would I yield. This was very heavy, while comparing it with what I met with at Simprin; it seemed to me that the Lord was refusing my service there, where sometimes I had been by his grace useful; and I was unwilling to come much abroad that way thereafter, finding what temptations I met with. However, I found the little I was called to do was not altogether useless.

So this at Penpont was the third time; and though I had escaped twice, God would not let me go a third time with it. 3. I have found since the conviction was set in on me on Saturday, that if I were in such circumstances again, I would yield my service to the Lord, that he might do with it what he pleased. And although this may be thought a small thing by such as look on it at a distance; yet considering it was a fault about God's worship, and that the third of that nature within a short time, the conclusion must be made as said is. It is true, I was ready to have preached on Saturday afternoon, yet the old prophet set me off it, that I might be justly punished, because I would not when God would. As for that more than ordinary countenance from the Lord, though I dare not, before a holy God, purge myself altogether of lifting up, yet I can remember no notable uplifting that I had on the back of it. It may be I had had it if I had not got that ballast, especially when I found others had greater thoughts of it than I. There are two difficulties in the way of this conclusion: First, The straitening I had in studying that sermon; but my experience leaves no weight in this: Second, My trouble as to the horse beginning ere I went away. From what I have met with, 1. I have learned, that if the Lord has a mind, he will carry on his work, and no thanks to the instruments; for I took that exercise in hand through a sort of mere force. 2. To be denied to my credit in the Lord's matters. One of the ministers that preached that Saturday, never desired me to do it; the other of them did as good as forbid me, and I had no will to have it said, that I loved to hear myself speak, or

that the people would be weary, &c. But now I see that these things are but thin fig-leaves. Lord, my soul is as a weaned child. 3. I think I have thereby obtained some soul-advantage; more heavenliness in the frame of my heart, more contempt of the world, as the widow that is desolate trusteth in God. I have more confidence in God, to which I am helped (with respect to my work in the parish) particularly by that word; Isa. 33:10, "Now will I rise, saith the Lord, now will I be exalted, now will I lift up myself;" which was a sweet word to me, on the last Lord's day, in my lecture, which fell to be in that chapter that day, in which I had more than ordinary of the Lord's light and life, though I had very little time to study it or the sermons. I have thereby obtained more carefulness to walk with God, and to get evidences for heaven; more resolution of spirit for the Lord's work, over the belly of difficulties. For there was more yet in that affliction. I have been much discouraged with respect to my parish a long time, and have had little hand or heart for my work. I take God's dealing thus with me to be designed as a mean to make me better content. Now the Lord has driven the business to a great height of hopelessness, by the removal of two of the most comfortable of my elders, I may say three; Walter Bryden went out of the parish at Whitsunday last; now this stroke, in the removal by death of William Biggar; and Mr. Paterson, a wise, sweet-tempered young man, who by his authority was a ballast in this place to my enemies, is going away against Martinmas next. And I have but four elders behind. And, which is most sad, so rare is an inoffensive walk among us, that it is extremely hard to get others in their room, who would not be a reproach to the office. I know not how much further the Lord may carry it; but I desire to take spirits, and when all is gone to look to the Lord.

Last Lord's day night I had some thoughts as to evidences for heaven, which I resumed this day. 1. I am content to take Christ for my prophet, to be taught by him what is my duty, that I may comply with it; I am content to know what is my sin, that I may turn from it; and by grace I know something of what it is to make use of Christ as a prophet in this case; and I desire to learn of him, as the only Master,

what is the will of God, and the mystery of renouncing my own wisdom, which I reckon but weakness and folly. 2. I know and am persuaded, that I am a lost creature; that justice must be satisfied; that I am not able to satisfy it, nor no creature for me; that Christ is able, and his death and sufferings are sufficient satisfaction. On this I throw my soul with all its full weight; here is my hope and only confidence. My duties, I believe the best of them, would damn me, sink me to the lowest pit, and must needs be washed in that precious blood, and can have no acceptance with God but through his intercession. I desire to have nothing to do with an absolute God, nor to converse with God but only through Christ. I am sensible that I have nothing to commend me to God, nor to Christ, that he may take my cause in hand. If he should damn me, he should do me no wrong. But the cord of love is let out, even the covenant in his blood; I accept of it, and at his command lay hold on it, and venture. This is faith in spite of devils. And my heart is pleased with the glorious device of man's salvation through Christ, carrying all the praise to free grace, and leaving nothing of it to the creature. 3. My soul is content of him for my king; and though I cannot be free of sin, God himself knows he would be welcome to make havock of my lusts, and to make me holy. I know no lust that I would not be be content to part with. My will bound hand and foot I desire to lay at his feet; and though it will strive, whether I will or not, I believe whatever God does to me is best done. 4. Though afflictions of themselves can be no evidence of the Lord's love; yet forasmuch as the native product of afflictions and strokes from the hand of the Lord, is to drive the guilty away from the Lord; when I find it is not so with me, but that I am drawn to God by them, made to kiss the rod, and accept of the punishment of my iniquity, to love God more, and to have more confidence in him, and kindly thoughts of his way, and find my heart more closely cleaving to him, I cannot but think such an affliction an evidence of his love. I have met with many troubles, and the afflictions I have met with have been very remarkable in their circumstances. Often have I seen it, and now once more, verified in my lot; 1 Cor. 4:9, "For we are made a spectacle to the world, and to angels, and to men," &c. Now I am as a weaned child, through grace, in the matter. Let the Lord do

what seemeth him good. [Nota, I was obliged to leave my horse behind me at Penpont under care, and he died.]

In the latter end of August, I was at the sacrament in Ashkirk. There I preached the sermon, on Saturday, which should have been preached at Penpont. I was helped to deliver it, and I believe it was not without fruit to some. But after sermons I was bowed down under convictions of the want of that fear of God in my spirit, when I delivered it, and was vile in mine own eyes. The Lord's day was a good day to me. Hearing Mr. Gordon speak to his people as under apprehensions of death, and reflecting on how many years, especially since I was a minister, I have spent in preaching the gospel, it was most bitter to me, to see how much time was gone, and how little I had done for God. From the Saturday after sermons I had been in earnest for awful impressions of God on my spirit, and I got them; particularly on the Monday, while Mr. Gabriel Wilson preached, my soul, under impressions of the majesty and greatness of God, was melted within me. While he preached on Psalm 116:9, "I will walk before the Lord in the land of the living," every step of duty he named, gave me a new conviction. So that when I began to speak after him, my soul was so filled with the sense of the majesty of God, and of my own vileness, whereof my heart was so swollen, that I had much ado in prayer to speak plain, and not to break the words. But in the sermon, I had much tugging and drawing with my heart to keep it right, and wanted not ups and downs in it, sometimes out of case, and sometimes helped, but for the most part unsatisfying to myself. After the work was over, I had a sinking afternoon and night of it, often wishing I had gone away when Mr. Wilson ended, seeing myself a vile minister, good for nothing; and the sense of the difficulties of that work, and of my own mismanagements, lay heavy on me. And on the morrow, as I was by the way, I was indeed like to faint under these impressions. As I was coming through W. moor, I mistook the way, and bogued my horse in the moss beyond R. After much toiling with him in vain, I sat down and cried to the Lord; tried it again, but it would not do; so that I had thoughts of losing him. I cast off my boots and cloak, and went to the town to seek help. The

person to whom I spoke knew me not, and so sent me to the field to the mowers. I came to one company, who sent me to another, who were more compassionate. So two or three went away with me to the moss; and those in the town having known me after I was gone, had gone to the horse, who had got up to his feet ere they came. So he was got out of the moss, and I was conducted to the right way. When I came home, I met with another temptation, ere ever I sat down, which was another nail to my heart; the rather sharp, that it was driven by a hand from whence I expected it not; which brought me in mind of a note to that purpose in the latter end of my sermon at Ashkirk, fulfilled in myself, whatever it might be in others. I would fain have had Mr. Wilson staying with me on the Monday's night, for my support; but the Lord would not. With these things, and the wonderful conduct of providence towards me, I was much broken, and made to go with a bowed down back, and my health impaired. Some others had no mean thoughts of the work there. Mr. Wilson said, that for the Saturday, had he been to have preached after me, he would not have opened his mouth, but dismissed the people as they were. I bless the Lord, that lets me see my own vileness and nothingness; and that seeing my heart is ready to be vain of little things, he takes such measures to press me down.

Sept. 11.—This day Mr. Macmillan preached at Hopecross, in the confines of this parish. On the 12th of December last, I had preached a sermon precisely against the separation, upon occasion of reading the aforementioned act of the commission from the pulpit. It was by a mistake I was led to read these papers, I mean that act of the commission, at least at that time; for I had a letter from the presbytery clerk, importing, as I thought, their order; but they had given none about it. However, it was my opinion, that the act should have been read through the presbytery; but I had no mind to have made myself singular. But it was a happy mistake, ordered by the good providence of God. My lecture fell that day to be on Isa. 5; but I handled only the parable of the vineyard, which was to me another piece of surprising conduct of providence. It fell to be an exceeding good day, so that our kirk was thronged with our own people and

strangers. God helped me to deliver it. Copies of it were desired, and I allowed them to be given out; so copies were handed abroad, not only in the parish, but several other places; and this galled that party, and I am confident served to confirm others. Mr. Macmillan preached within a mile of this parish in February thereafter, and my people did not show their wonted instability. At length this day Mr. Macmillan preached a sermon, on design to confute that sermon of mine, producing the copy of my sermon, and reading parcels of it before the people. Seldom or never before came that man to these bounds, but something was laid to my hand in my ordinary, whereof there is an instance above expressed. But this day there was nothing of that nature; but not without reason, for our kirk that day was so throng, that I really thought some had the rather come out that day, that I might see they were not gone to his meeting.

I understood after, that several who were there were disgusted, and that it had done their cause little service. He left this country, leaving no copy of his sermon behind him; which has been taken notice of by judicious persons. I waited a while, till I should see whether any copy of it appeared or not; at length none appearing, I spoke a little of it in the pulpit, desiring the people to believe what I had taught them, till they should see it confuted by scripture, &c.

In November I met with a surprising mercy. A person that had long been in the wrong to me, in a certain particular, with tears confessed the fault; which did exceedingly raise me in thankfulness to God. This was on the Friday. On the Lord's day night thereafter, musing on it, I found I had met with that mercy before I was prepared for it. It is true, I had often prayed for it; but the sap was squeezed out, by considering that I had not got my heart in that point brought to a submission to the will of God. Upon this account the mercy proved a burden to my spirit, and a great and heavy grief. When I lay down in my bed, my grief increased; my wilful will was a spectacle of horror to me. And, under this conviction, I was so filled with the terror of God, that both flesh and spirit were like to fail and faint away. I endeavoured to flee to, and make use of the blood of Christ for

pardon; and though I would have bought that mercy at a very dear rate, yet I was conscious to myself, and protested, that I was not, and would not, be content with that mercy, but with the favour of God and his good-will with it, and desired to give up my will to the will of God. [Nota, It was not long ere my patience in this point was put to the trial again; so short-lived are mercies that fall off the tree of providence ere they be ripe.]

Friday, Dec. 30. I received a letter from Mrs. M. Home, wherein she says, she is wearying of "this life of a beast;" which made impression on me. The next day, it pleased the Lord to give me a more than ordinary outletting of his Spirit, which I was somewhat helped to improve; the rather that there was at that time in my mind, a dissatisfaction about my public work, both as to my preaching and the people's hearing, which I fain would have seen changed to the better. And indeed it was better with me on the Lord's day. And now the Lord was a commentator on the scripture to me, at family duties. I spent a part of Monday morning in prayer; and by that exercise, and making conscience of preparing for family duties, I found myself bettered. On the Tuesday I spent some time in fasting and prayer, and renewed my covenant with God; and that week I was kept heavenly for the most part; and till this day.

Jan. 22, 1710.—Though I have had several ups and downs, yet I have at least been kept struggling. And as to this time, I may say, 1. I had never more deep impressions of the life of a beast, being in some sort weary of the necessity of eating, sleeping, &c., with a holy contempt of them, longing to be beyond all these things, and content to part with all my created comforts. I have also felt my soul most sensibly going out in love to God, and seen my soul most plainly taking Christ for my portion, and accepting of the blessed Bridegroom. It hath been my exercise how to direct these things in the life of the beast, to the Lord, to refer them to God, so as that they may be a part of the Christian life. But I have made small progress in the practice of it, but have found slips that way bitter. As particularly on Friday morning, I spent so much time in sleep, when I should have been

otherwise employed, that it made me go halting all the day; and so much the more, that I had been attacked in prayer with carnality before, which was not duly resisted; and from thence I dated that carnal frame. Thus I found my conscience defiled, and on the morrow after it lay heavy on me. I came from family prayer that day (viz. Saturday), where I could not get all my mind told before the Lord, unto my closet; whether when I came, the sense of my carnality pressed me so sore, that I could scarcely get out a word for some time. When I got liberty to speak, my soul protested before God and angels, that though I could not shake myself loose of my lusts, Christ should be most welcome to make havock of them. The latter foresaid trysted with a sermon I had been preaching before, of making God our end, as a necessary requisite in holiness; and so it came seasonably to quicken my thoughts and practice in that point. And I design to preach particularly on referring natural actions to God, for my own and the people's case, as God shall clear my way. I have learned two things by experience in that point. The one is, When the will, on a corrupt principle, that may feed spiritual lusts, is averse to what the body requires, to yield to the body the rather to cross the will, and so to seek to please God, and not ourselves, in or about these things. The other, To ascend from and by them, to that infinite satisfaction that must needs be in the enjoyment of God, leaving these ashes upon the earth, and mounting up from them in a flame of love to the Lord, as pillars of smoke ascending towards heaven. Seeing all perfection in the creature is originally from God, whatever is in the creature must be eminently and infinitely in him; therefore, if a bit of bread be so sweet, how sweet must God be, that ocean, whereof that in the bread is but a drop!

Jan. 26.—The last week I spent some time in prayer with fasting, with my family, especially for my wife's safe delivery; but with me it went not well; my frame was not fixedly lively. This upon reflection was terrible to me, as a sign for evil; which was the mean of quickening in secret; where I got what I got not with others. And I have observed, that the thing I have been still led to for her, was a life for God. And it was most clear to me this night in particular, that it

was not so much her life, as life for God, that I desired; grace to her (as to myself) to live well, more than life. I have been this day also, from the life of the beast, helped to prize the enjoyment of God; and was led into a sweet view of the purity and refinedness of the pleasures in the fountain, and the dregs mixed with those of the streams, that make them humbling and contemptible.

Jan. 29.—Sabbath. On Friday studying my catechetic sermon,* some surprising thoughts were laid to my hand. My heart swelled with thankfulness, and loathed myself for that there should be so much as a principle of taking any praise to myself in me, though it came not forth into an act. And my soul cried to be emptied of self, that I might be nothing, and the Lord might work all in me. I thought these things were from the Lord, seeing they had that effect on me. On Saturday night I made all ready, that I might employ my time to the best advantage on the Sabbath morning; and I requested, particularly, 1. That I might have whom to preach to; for it was a very bad day; 2. An opportunity to preach without distraction; for my wife had some pains; 3. That the Lord would be with me; for the pulpit without him was a terror. This day was an exceeding pleasant day, and the people came well out. I had no trouble from my wife's case. These things in the morning were a valley of Achor for a door of hope. I gave myself to prayer, and entered to the work in a tender melted frame. I dare not say, that the Lord was not with me; but I had not what I would fain have had. I had several ups and downs in the sermons. I would fain have been at the mark, but the legs would not serve. I found I loved the Lord, and would fain have been there where the executive power would fully answer the will. I know not what the Lord has a mind to do with me, but this good while I have had no ill time of it. 1. I have found frequent flutterings of my soul after the Lord very sensibly. 2. I have found duty very pleasant, and sometimes a pain to give it over. 3. I have found more freedom with God in secret than in family duties, for there I got leave to tell all I thought. 4. I have sometimes a confusion in my head in preaching; I prayed against it particularly this day. I had something of it but it lasted not, though I was about four hours in constant exercise. But seldom does my body

fail in preaching, when my frame is right. 5. I have found the Lord easy to be entreated, and a recovery to be got without long onwaiting. As yesterday I was somewhat carnal, I sought the Lord, but found him not; I went back again to God, and was set right again. And seldom has it continued ill with me, for some time, from the beginning to the end of duty. 6. On Wednesday last a storm that threatened this parish, already sore distressed, did break. I found myself concerned to get this mercy, both in public and private, and thankful to the Lord when it was come; and why may not I look on it, as the Lord's hearing of my prayers, amongst those of others?

Feb. 3.—I had met with a temptation that put me out of frame. Afterwards I met with another of the same kind, but sharper; with which I went to God, and it issued in quickening me again. I was turned off the thing that raised my corruptions, and turned in against myself, that I could not get my will to comply with the will of God in this, without fretting, and cheerfully to submit to providence in that particular. It was stinging to think, that whereas I have several evidences for heaven, this one thing is like to blot them all out. I have found a satisfaction in seeing the Lord, by his providence, set me on my trials for my humiliation in other cases; but I think I can never got over this. I wrestled with the Lord to get my will melted down, that at length in this I might be as a weaned child. This cured me in another case, and made me fear the being taken off my trials before some good metal should appear. Last night, while this case lay heavy on me, it fell in our ordinary to sing Psalm 38:10–13. And this day it met me again very seasonably.

"Adoro plenitudinum scripturæ."

Feb. 4.—My heart had scarce conceived ere my tongue began to express some regret in the foresaid particular; but through grace my tongue was silenced, ere it had got sense made of what it had begun to say. And it was no small joy to me to see my corrupt self deprived of that satisfaction, and the wilful will balked of its will.

Feb. 7.—Tuesday. This night I had one of the most doleful times I ever had in my life, by reason of the same trial aforesaid. The struggle with my own will was most dreadful, so that I was like to sink under it, and say, There is no hope, while it lay on me as a giant bearing down a little child. I laid down my resolution however always to go to God with it again, as it renewed its desperate attacks on me; and so I did, and found some ease that way; though sometimes both heart and hand were taken from me in this combat, and I was almost swallowed up in despair. I felt the power of the bands of wickedness. The first ease I got was, that it was suggested to me in prayer, that it might be God was letting me fall so low before the victory, that I might see it, when it came, entirely due to his grace. In our ordinary that night we sung Psalm 40 where that word, ver. 16, "who seeking thee abide," &c., was most seasonable and comfortable. At this time I was preaching on Gal. 5:24, and I had a trial of the difficulty of the work.

Feb. 9.—Thursday. This day, betwixt ten and eleven at night, my wife, after long and sore labour, was delivered of a son, called Thomas, who was baptized on the 15th by Mr. Gabriel Wilson, minister at Maxton. She never recovered with so much difficulty; which seemed to answer to our frame in prayer for that mercy. On the Sabbath after she was very ill: and just when I was going in to the afternoon's sermon she told me, she thought she was in a fever. Whereupon I looked to the Lord, and presently found my spirit calmed, in hopes all would be well; and went to my work; and so it was. While I wrote the letter to Mr. Wilson to come and baptize the child, my soul fluttered away to Christ with my child, and I wept for joy of the covenant, that it was for my seed, as well as for myself.

Feb. 15.—This night I had four particular suits before the throne of grace. And within a few days after, as to one of them, some persons, who, being stirred up by an enemy to me, had created me very much trouble in a particular business, came and agreed with me; so the Lord made my enemies stumble and fall in their measures against me; and O but that mercy was sweet! An only child of a dear friend

having been sick, I heard of her recovery. As to a nurse for my child, the Lord answered by that which was better, giving milk to my wife. As to the fourth, I thought it had been answered too; but it failed, and I was set to wait on again.

By this time the friendship betwixt the aforementioned Mr. Wilson and me had arrived at an uncommon height and strictness. That friendship hath indeed been one of the greatest comforts of my life; he being a man of great piety, tenderness, and learning, with a vast compass of reading; a painful minister; a plain preacher, but deep in his thought, especially of latter years, and growing remarkably unto this day in insight into the holy scriptures; zealous and faithful to a pitch; having more of the spirit of the old Presbyterians than any other minister I know; for the which cause he has been, and is in the eyes of many, like a speckled bird; but withal a most affectionate, constant, and useful friend; a seasonable and wise adviser in a pinch; often employed of God signally and seasonably, to comfort and bear me up, when I needed it extremely; insomuch that I have often been convinced, he could not have gone the length that way that he went, if it had not been through a particular disposal of providence indulging my weakness, particularly in this and the following period, wherein I was in a special manner, from within and from without, at once sore bowed down. Whatever odds there was in some respects betwixt him and me, there was still a certain cast of temper by which I found him to be my other self; [and though we have passed, especially since the year 1712, through several steps, at which many chief friends have been separated; yet, through the divine mercy, we still stuck close, speaking the same thing; the sense whereof has often obliged us to give thanks unto God expressly on that account.] He was extremely modest; but, once touched with the weight of a matter, very forward and keen, fearing the face of no man; on the other hand, I was slow and timorous. In the which mixture, whereby he served as a spur to me, and I as a bridle to him, I have often admired the wise conduct of providence that matched us together. But now, alas; he is left alone for me, in public struggles, I being through frailty laid aside from appearing at synods; with which I was

indeed disgusted ere I left them; and very seldom now appearing in the presbytery. Mr. Davidson, minister of Galashiels, who afterwards came to be a third in this friendship, is now also through his frailty laid aside from much of his helpfulness to him in these cases. However, the friendship remains inviolate, and will, I hope, till death; Psalm 94:11, "The Lord knoweth the thoughts of man, that they are vanity."

April 9.—The last week I was at the synod; and seeing all things like to go wrong with the church, I had great desire to be kept straight in God's way. I was not so well provided for my work this day as ordinary, but it went rather better than ordinary with me. I was much affected to think how I would get silent Sabbaths spent, and what reflections such a case might produce.

I think I can say now, that the thing which was once so hard for me to submit unto, the Lord hath been pleased to make more easy and give me some victory over it now, more than these two months, "Blessed be the Lord, who teacheth my hands to war, and my fingers to fight."

I proceeded on the subject of the nature and necessity of holiness, from the time aforesaid, and therewith ended the ordinary above mentioned, on May 28th, this year. After which I addressed myself to preach sermons preparatory for the sacrament of the supper, [from 1 Cor. 11:23, and Jer. 1:4, 5.]

And on July 16, I administered that ordinance. This was the first time I administered it in Etterick; but from that time it has been done yearly, for ordinary, all along, the few interruptions thereof hitherto made [viz. 1717, 1726, and 1729], being occasioned by the affliction of my family of late years, and other incidents. I thought myself obliged to deal with every communicant personally, but had little encouragement to the work from the parish; but I behoved to try all means. I was very much discouraged while I set to that work; but the nearer it came, I was the more carried above discouragement.

While I visited the parish, I found I had not been altogether useless here, and particularly that the sermon on the fourfold state of man had done some good. Seldom do delays prove advantageous. God had more of his own, so far as I could discern, to feed here, the last year, than this, three of the most comfortable families in it having removed at Whitsunday last. The sermons on the Lord's day before, seemed to have weight, and I found my soul pressed particularly to follow that day's work with prayer. As for the work itself, it was much more comfortable than I expected, and there seemed to be some blowings of the Spirit with it. I never saw a congregation more remarkably fixed and grave than they were on the Lord's day. On the Thursday was eight days before, in the family fast, the Lord helped us to pray, and seek his presence. I had palpable assistance in studying the action-sermon on Luke 14:23, "Compel them to come in;" and though being much hurried ou the Saturday, I found myself quite out of case, and had little hope of it when going to the work, yet verily the Lord was with me in that sermon. It was once my regret, that the national fast and our congregational one should have fallen both on one day; and I had expectations of two ministers' help that day, but got none at all. God ordered both well to my conviction. However it was, some communicated with us, who had either never or not these twenty years communicated; and I had some ground to think that by that sermon the bands of some were loosed. In all there were about fifty-seven persons of our own parish communicants; few indeed, but yet more than I expected amongst them. The Saturday was very rainy, which put us in confusion for the following day; but God disappointed my fears, and gave a pleasant day till towards the end of the afternoon's sermon. The rain returned on Monday. That was wondrous in my eyes. I afterwards revised the action-sermon, with a view to publish it in the Fourfold State; but gave over that purpose.* Meanwhile the divisions made the number of communicants but small. See Appendix No. I.

Thereafter I insisted for some time on a subject suitable to the communion-work we had been employed in, [viz. Jer. 1:5] And this was all along my manner before and after communions. That being

done, I did, on September 3, enter, for an ordinary, on Mark 10:21, 22, "One thing thou lackest," &c. And hereto I was led for the ease of my own soul, and spent thereon what remained of the year.

On the Friday after the sacrament, I received a letter, desining me to come and visit one who had been a dissenter, but had come in at the sacrament, and communicated with us, now very sick, and desirous to see me. From the letter, I imagined that she was under remorse for her complying so far with us; which seemed to me to be a dreadful attempt of the devil against the ordinances in this parish; however, I went away with boldness to see her; and by the good hand of God found it was quite contrariwise; for she told me, that she was under the Lord's chastisement for her deserting the ordinances so long; that it began with her in the church on the fast-day, which was her first return to the ordinances; and that she was then so pressed, that she had much ado to keep herself from either running out, or crying out, in time of sermon. This was no small comfort to me, that God had so far vindicated his own cause. This brings me in mind of the passage narrated above, p. 204.

Sept. 29.—Having been under a great trial from that particular, of which before, I was so broke with the sin and misery flowing from it, that I loathed life, and would have been content to have been away, and left all, to have been freed from the sin and misery of the case. This sat down on my spirit on the Lord's day, the 13th of August. The next Sabbath I was at the sacrament at Selkirk. That was to me a sweet ordinance beyond many. But, behold, there arose again quickly after a dreadful storm of temptation from the same quarter. So I preached my experience next Lord's day on that text; "Job 7:16, "I loath it, I would not live alway." I gave myself to secret fasting and prayer on the Wednesday thereafter, being the 30th of August. My case still continuing heavy, it led me to that portion of scripture; Mark 10:21, as above mentioned. After much sad tossing, I did this day spend some time in secret prayer with fasting, to seek of the Lord a right way. On the Lord's day before, I had been preaching directions how to get over the one thing lacking; and this day I set

myself solemnly to practise them for my particular case. After a while I laboured to take up my real case as nicely as I could; for I considered, that unto the trials God lays in men's way, they often add much of their own, which makes them far more bulky and weighty than otherwise they are in very deed; and here I was convinced, that I had laid too much of my own, suffering some things to sink into my spirit, which were not so much to be regarded. Thus having as it were removed the rubbish I had laid upon the stone which was to be lifted up, I went through these directions; First, Labouring to see the evil of it; Secondly, Setting myself in a way of believing against it; 1. Endeavouring to be emptied of myself in point of confidence in myself, with respect to the victory over it; 2. Taking Christ for it; and, 1st, Taking himself instead of it; 2dly, Taking him in all his offices for it; as a Prophet; a Priest, in his merit and intercession; and as a King, with particular respect to that one thing; 3dly, Believing the promises suited to that case. The third direction was my present work, fasting and prayer. And, lastly, I resolved through grace to watch. In a special manner I did that day solemnly renounce, and give over into the hands of the Lord, that thing, and take Christ in the stead of it; so making the exchange, resolving to take what he should please to give me of my desire, but to quarrel no more with the Lord upon the head, but to be as a weaned child.

Oct. 2.—Immediately on the back of that exercise my temptation was renewed, which gave me much ado; but yesterday, being the Lord's day, I found that out of the eater meat was brought to me. The honour of all the saints; Psalm 149 with respect to the desired victory over my lusts, was sweet to me; and that of the afflictions and consolations of ministers being for people's sake; 2 Cor. 1:6, (both falling in our ordinary in the family), was sweet and seasonable. My soul longed to be free of sin, and was really in love with Christ; he was the desire of my soul, which longed for him; and when I considered my one thing lacking, I was well content to part with it for him, and to seek my soul's rest in himself. Much had I laboured to get the crook in my lot made straight; but it would not do; yea I was often made worse by seeking to even it. This I took up as the wrong

way, but saw the necessity of bowing my heart to it. This day I had much satisfaction in the resignation and exchange made in this matter, and found my heart so loosed from the bonds of my corruption, that the hand of the Lord appeared eminently in it.

Oct. 6.—I have seen that under temptation I have magnified my trial, so that now it appears much less than sometimes it did. The Lord has driven the mists from about it, that made it look bigger than it was. And this I take to be the effect of Christ's executing his prophetical office in me, as I gave myself to him as a Prophet in that matter particularly. And this day reflecting on the Lord's dealing with me, I found my soul purged from guilt, and helped to serve the Lord; whereas I could not serve him before, while my conscience was defiled in that matter. I found my corruption laid low, in comparison of what it had been before. And thus Christ exercised his priestly and kingly offices over me. Upon this occasion I have been much inclined to cry to the Lord for the light of his Spirit wherewith to read the scriptures; and I have found that I am heard.

Oct. 8.—My heart has been looking back toward its old bias, which was heavy to me; but I observed my heart said, that the full enjoyment of it without Christ would not satisfy, but Christ without it would satisfy. I found sensible strength this day, from considering that fulness of satisfaction that is to be had in God himself, for which I have made the resignation. I had an answer of prayer also brought to my hand just before I went out to the church, the lack of which was like to have been a temptation to me. The Lord continues to make me read the scriptures with more than ordinary insight into them. [N. B. I think I never had so much of a continued insight into the word as I had this winter, which made it no ill time to me.] "He that overcometh shall inherit all things," was a sweet word to me.

Oct. 22.—Last week at the synod, I was surprised with an unusual temptation, which meeting me, struck me with terror, and filled me with confusion, having a native tendency to heighten my great trial. Wherefore seeing how I was beset, and what danger I was in, I set

myself the more kindly to bear my trial, and in that respect was bettered by that temptation. Being very apprehensive of the evil that might ensue upon this, I did, after much fluctuating in my mind, not knowing what to do, resolve to go to a certain place to prevent the ill I feared; and accordingly went to a friend at the time indisposed. When I came thither, in the simplicity of my heart I was going to tell him my design to go elsewhere, but delayed it a while; and then I fell very sick, and was obliged to go to bed, where, through indisposition of body and thoughtfulness of heart, I had a weary night. I saw I could not go whither I had designed. About four o'clock in the morning, while I lay and could not sleep, I could not see how the evil I feared could be prevented, seeing my design was broken; nor wherefore providence had brought me to where I was. But at length I really believed that God had done both for the best; and where sense failed, faith helped me out; and this gave me great ease. On the morrow, being still indisposed, I came homeward. The next day, while on my way home, matters were made so clear to me as to the conduct of providence, that my soul blessed him for that seasonable sicknesss, and keeping my design entirely secret. This I desire to mark as one of the most signal marks of the Lord's tender care over me. At that time there was a reproof given me, on account of a boy that kept a school here, that sometimes he was not called in to the family exercise out of the school. I judged the matter was such, seeing the school was public, kept in the kirk, and the reproof given with such an ill air, that I could not take it well off the hand that reached it; but it let me in to more than that, that that boy appeared to me the messenger of the Lord sent to tell me my faults, so as I could have under that notion hugged him in my bosom. And that I got for going so far. So I came home rejoicing in the Lord's kindness to me in these dispensations.

Oct. 23.—This night was a sweet night to me, being let into the view of the 6th chapter of the epistle to the Galatians, and loving the Lord and holiness. It hath been my wonder, that the faith of heaven should not more wean my heart from the world.

Nov. 4.—A woman who had fallen into fornication told me, that the Lord began to deal with her soul, while she was young, and that for several years she continued serious; but for five years before her fall, she was under a plain decay; that she never awaked till the child was one night overlaid, and found dead in the morning. She said, that in the time of her travail she was no more concerned than that, pointing to a form or seat.

Dec. 9.—This night I was in bad case. I find it is not easy to me to carry right, either with or without the cross. While I was walking up and down my closet in heaviness, my little daughter Jane, whom I had laid in the bed, suddenly raising up herself, said, she would tell me a note; and thus delivered herself.—Mary Magdalen went to the sepulchre.—She went back again with them to the sepulchre; but they would not believe that Christ was risen, till Mary Magdalen met him; and he said to her, "Tell my brethren, they are my brethren yet," This she pronounced with a certain air of sweetness. It took me by the heart; "His brethren yet," (thought I); and may I think that Christ will own me as one of his brethren yet? It was to me as life from the dead.

As for my studies; from my settling in Etterick, I gave myself to reading, as I was disposed and had access; making some excerpts out of the books I read. I began the book of the passages of my life, which before had been kept in the two manuscripts above mentioned, and some other papers. My son John was begun to learn the Latin tongue, February 16, 1708, and had domestic teaching till the year 1712; for which cause I had several young men in that time for teachers; but often the burden lay on myself. And there was no legal school in the parish, till of late, when none of my children needed it. I read some of the books of Antonia Bourignon, for understanding her principles, which made a considerable noise at that time; and making some excerpts out of them I left a column blank for animadversions thereon; which I, finding no occasion for after, did never make. I began lecturing in Etterick where I left off in Simprin; and proceeding to the book of the Revelation, I wrote some lectures

thereon, from the 4th chapter, but in short hand characters. The same I did on some chapters of Isaiah afterwards.

This was the happy year wherein I was first master of a Hebrew Bible, and began the study of it. About the time of my coming out of the Merse to Etterick, I borrowed a piece of the Hebrew Bible, containing the books of Samuel and Kings; and having got that, I went on accordingly in the study of the holy tongue. For which cause I did this year purchase Athias's Hebrew Bible, of the second edition, having been long time lured and put off with the hopes of a gift of Arrius Montanus from an acquaintance in the Merse; the which were not like to be accomplished, and in end were frustrated. Thus provided, I plied the Hebrew original close, with great delight; and all along since, it hath continued to be my darling study. But I knew nothing then of the accentuation. Howbeit, I took some notes of the import of the Hebrew words with much pleasure. I had got another parcel of books in the year 1706, the chief of which was Turrettine's works, in four volumes 4to, wherewith I was not altogether unacquainted before; and, in 1707, before I went to Etterick, I purchased Pool's Annotations, having had no entire commentary on the whole Bible before that, except the English Annotations, edit. 1, purchased in 1704. But from the time I left Simprin, I set myself no more to purchase parcels of books as before; but got some particular books now and then, as I found myself disposed for them.

About the end of this year, my friend Mr. Wilson and I began epistolary conmmunication, whereby we might have the benefit, each of the other's reading and study, for our mutual improvement. And then I wrote the meditation on the day of expiation and feast of tabernacles, to be found in the miscellany manuscript, p. 325–332.* About this time also I did, for my diversion, compose a kind of a poem on friendship, in an enigmatical or allegorical strain, consisting of some sheets; a part of which, it seems, I had sent him by that time. [But last winter, 1729, I committed it to the flames, with any thing else of that kind done by myself.]

Feb. 8, 1711.—There was a great storm of snow on the ground; and our parish, with many others, about two years before, having been almost broke with such a storm, it lay near my heart; and therefore I moved for a congregational fast on that occasion; which the elders fell in with, being called together betwixt sermons; and in the afternoon it was intimated, to be observed on the Wednesday thereafter. I was helped in my secret prayers on this occasion, which made me to hope. On the morrow, the weather began to be so easy, that I thought our fast was like to be turned into a thanksgiving. But that lasted not; so that I think it was never more violent than on the fast day. And the Lord was with us in praying, and in preaching too on Joel 1:18, "How do the beasts groan," &c. The Lord graciously heard our prayers. The morrow after was no ill day; but on the Friday the thaw freely came by a west wind, without rain. So the Lord's day was a thanksgiving day to us. I preached on Psalm 147:12, 18, "Praise the Lord.—He sendeth out his word, and melteth them." This day, with the day of the first communion, were the most joyful days I ever saw in Etterick. The hand of the Lord appeared in it to me, and to others likewise; though our congregation made but very little bulk this day, after the Lord had done so great things for them. Lord, lay it not to their charge. Some afterward told me, that they had but one day's meat for their flocks when the storm brake. They were generally designed, on the Monday after, to have gone to seek pasture in other places; but in time of the storm they professed they knew not well whither to go; those places where they were wont to go to in a strait, having enough ado to serve themselves. About this time as I was lecturing on Proverbs, I took some notes of the import of the Hebrew words, to chap. 15 to be found in a 4to notebook.

On Friday June 8, about three in the morning, my daughter, Alison, was born; and was baptized on Wednesday the 13th, by Mr. John Laurie, minister of Eskdalemoor.

The epistolary communication aforesaid betwixt Mr. Wilson and me, was carried on till towards the end of this year, at which time providence began to lay other work to hand. His letters to me of that

kind are in retentis; but I have no copy of mine to him. Only, what is preserved in the Miscellany manuscript from p. 333, to p. 349, on Eccl. 10:15, on Conversation, and on Garments, was written on that occasion.*

For my ordinary, I dwelt on the solemn call to faith, and gospel obedience; Matth. 11:28–30, from Jan. 14, this year, till Aug. 26. And then to commend Christ to the souls of the people, I did, on Sept. 2, enter upon Phil. 3 and went through the first twelve verses thereof in order, which continued, I think, till May 1713.

Aug. 11.—After a long time of freedom from a temptation that had often worsted me, it began again about a month ago, and made fearful havock on my case. It was no little time ere I began so much as to think, that this was a taking up what I had before so solemnly renounced; but still I found myself fettered, and could not shake off my bonds. On the 7th instant I set apart some time for fasting and prayer, eating only a little bear bread; but matters went not well with me. It burst out on me as a breach in a high wall, whose breaking cometh suddenly in an instant, when one is labouring to keep and prop it up. This day I fell to that work again, but considering that my head was the worse of fasting before, I ate as ordinary. In the very time I met with a new temptation akin to the grand trial, which was like to baffle me; but I was helped to struggle against it. I meditated, and read over that of September 29, last year; and there saw I had taken Christ instead of that which I had renounced. The renunciation indeed was still in my view; but though within this short while I had often read over that, my taking of Christ instead of it was never in my eyes. My eyes were held that I could not see it. But then I took up the case, and was like Hagar having the well that was near her shewn her, when the child was laid by for death. I saw it was in vain to attempt to empty the heart of what is its carnal choice, unless I got it filled with something better than what I was to take from it. And thus my bonds were loosed, and I made the exchange over again in a solemn manner. And then my soul in some measure rested in the Lord, and I came away rejoicing in him. Joshua's laying an ambush

against Ai, that small city, whereas the walls of great Jericho fell down at the sound of rams' horns, let me see how holy guile must be used in the spiritual combat. And I found by experience, the import of selling all for Christ, whereby the scripture expresseth the great transaction between the Lord and a soul. For he that selletlh, though he part with what is his, yet he gets that in its room which to him is better than what he gives away; and so lives on the thing he receives, instead of what he parts with.

On the last Lord's day of October, I was assisting Mr. James Ramsay in the celebration of the Lord's supper at Kelso; and the synod being to meet there ten days after, having demitted my office of clerkship at the April synod before, I could not go home, but went to the Merse, to Dunse. There Dr. Trotter taking me out to the fields, surprised me with a motion to print some of my sermons, shewing that I should not want encouragement. I had spent two days seeking something wherewith to go to Kelso, but could command nothing; so upon that account, and not knowing what otherwise I might be called to, I took old notes with me, and among others those on man's fourfold state. Upon the Doctor's urging his proposal, I made mention of these, as what seemed most suitable, if any thing of that nature were to be done. On his desire, I left them with him. On the morrow, ere I came off, Mr. Willis pursued the Doctor's motion. At the synod, speaking of it to Mr. Wilson, he declared, that he minded to have proposed it to me himself, and was sorry he was prevented. When I came home, there was a letter for me from Mr. B. for a loan of some of my sermons. A while after, the Doctor and Mr. Willis having read the papers, sent pressing letters to put me on to that work. All which obliged me to serious thoughts on the matter.

Nov. 30.—Some things this night observed and considered (after prayer) with respect to the publishing of the sermons. 1. With respect to our parish. 1st, I have many that will not hear me preach, and so have no access to be useful to them that way, they being dissenters; yet I have ground to think that they would read my sermons. 2dly, There are several that make no conscience of ordinary attendance on

the public ordinances, and so have heard but few of these sermons. 3dly, There are some who cannot get attended punctually, and to whom silent Sabbaths are a grief; and it is hoped they might be welcome to those, especially at such times. 2. With respect to my friends in the Merse. As the Lord was pleased to own me while there, making me serviceable, not only to my own parish, but to many of the godly in the country; so copies of my sermons, since I came from them, have been desired and got by several there; which shews the interest I have in their affections, and promises a kindly reception. 3. With respect to myself. 1st, I am very little serviceable with reference to public management, being exceedingly defective in ecclesiastical prudence; and very little useful in converse, being naturally silent; but the Lord has given me a pulpit-gift, not unacceptable; and who knows what he may do by me that way? 2dly, Though sometimes I wrote as little of my sermons as many others, yet these nine years at least last bypast, I have been led into a way of close study, and writing largely. I have ofttimes wished to have that yoke off my neck, but still providence held it on me; and though I have several times been designed for public places, yet I have still been shut up where I had time for study. 3dly, The Lord has often made me a wonder to myself, and to say from my heart, What am I? and whence is this? while he has helped me to preach, blessed my sermons, and given me from thence such an interest in the affections of the godly. And I will never forget, through grace, the surprising goodness of God to me, in clerking to the synod; which was so done to satisfaction, that, the Lord knows, it was such a surprise to me, that to this day (having now given it over) I do but believe it on the testimony of others. That work was taken off my hand at the last synod, while this was proposed to be put into it. 4thly, I have a weary task of my work in this parish, the Lord's message in my month meeting with such bad entertainment; what if the Lord should make up this another way? 4. With respect the sermons themselves. 1st, The universal usefulness of the subjects, not treated of in that method by any that I know. 2dly, As I had an uneasiness till I got through them, to my parish, in regard of the great weight of the subjects; so it would be no small comfort to me, to have them still speaking to them. 3dly, Providence

has ordered that I have been now twice on these subjects, though in a different method; once at Simprin, and once here. 4thly, These very sermons, I know, were useful to some when preached: I have had express acknowledgements of their efficacy, particularly that of the corruption of nature, the mystical union, and the eternal state. Lastly, The steps of Providence in that business; the providential carrying of these sermons to Dunse, at that time; at the synod Mr. Wilson's declaring to me, that he minded to have proposed it, and my being freed of the clerk's office; and Mr. B's letter meeting me when I came home. Further,

Nov 20.—Though these steps of Providence seemed to have something in them, yet I could never get the matter closely laid to heart; nor did it go beyond far-off thoughts of it till Saturday last; though I had a pressing letter to pursue the motion, from him who first made it. That day I had done studying my sermons for the Lord's day, and had been well helped of the Lord therein; and then that business came close home on my spirit, so as the matter was laid before the Lord with weight and deep concern. At night I got three very pressing letters, in pursuance of the proposal; and the Doctor's particularly did nail my heart; so that, considering the weight of the enterprise, his way of pressing it, my own unfitness for it, and my unholiness in a special manner, it made my heart to quake, and my legs to tremble.—Nov. 23. When most carnal, I have found myself most averse to that work; when most serious and spiritual, most pliable to it.

The sermons in which I have said I had been well helped, were on Phil. 3:3. I had begun that chapter some time before; and when I viewed the importance of that verse in particular, I was minded not lightly to pass it over; for that cause I purchased a book of Manton's sermons, where he had some on that text. Thus provided, I set to work on the first clause, "Worshiping God in spirit;" but I was miserably straitened and confused in it. I therefore sent the book away, glad to be quit of it; and it came well to hand with me after that; as will appear by inspecting of the papers, and comparing

inference 2, from the doctrine from that clause, and downwards, with what goes before. And that help continued through the whole of the sermons on that verse from that time forward, though sometimes less than at other times; so that I judge them to be the best body of sermons I ever studied before or since. September 18, 1714.* The help I had in them had an encouraging influence on me to that work, they being trysted with it, and begun October 21, 1711, and ended March 23, 1712.

Jan. 13, 1712,—Having a month or five weeks ago spent some time in prayer for light in this matter, I considered those things before noted which seemed to me to look favourably towards the design; but the only step I was cleared to take at that time, was, to send the papers to Mr. Colden and Mr. Wilson, for their advice, and help of their prayers; and this day they were returned to me, with letters. In the meantime I received a letter, December 15, from one concerned, wherein he seemed to me to remit somewhat of his zeal for that work; whereby the weight seemed to be wholly devolved on myself. This created thoughts of heart; but the upshot of it was to go on, if otherwise the Lord should clear the matter. And whereas I had been desired to cause call for the papers about ten days after they were sent away, they came not week after week; which seemed to me to presage their burial; so that my thoughts of that work where much laid aside. The issue of this was, that, with submission to providence, I was resolved to lay it by; yet with sorrow of heart that I should not have the opportunity to be useful, which sometime seemed promising. The letters that came with the papers advised me to proceed, and with earnestness sufficient; and the night before they came to my had, I heard my eldest brother was a-dying; which served to tell me, what need there was to do with all my might whatsoever my hand found to do.

Jan. 16.—I spent most of this day in prayer and meditation, for light in this matter; and after all I found, that I had rational grounds to oblige me to make an essay; but could not find such a lively sense of the call of God thereto as I desired. I observed, that the papers being

kept up so long after I was made to wait for their return, was of a piece with the Lord's ordinary way with me, to bring matters first very low before they rise. One told me, she observed that these sermons had more influence on the people of their neighbourhood, than any before or since. I found myself this night convinced, that they might be useful to many, in regard of the room the Lord has given me in people's affections; and this went nearest to the raising in my heart such a lively sense of the command or call of God, as might help me to believe, that he would be with me in the work; which is the thing I want; for with respect thereto, I believe that the way of the Lord is strength to the upright. I have read Durham on that head over and over, for light as to the Lord's call, not without some advantage. But I resolve to wait on God for his mind, having protested before him this day, (while I spread these letters and papers before him), that if he go not with me, I be not carried hence.

Jan. 19.—Yesterday and this day fourteen days, being both these days utterly indisposed for study, there was as much left of what was studied for the Sabbaths preceding respectivè as served; unto which I could make no addition. So that although the Lord was pleased to continue his help all along from the time I parted with that book, as before said, yet thus was I made to see, that he had lock and key of my gifts still. This night I was convinced, that God will have me more holy, before I get through this business; and therefore I see, that it is my business to labour in the first place to get my own case bettered, by renewing my repentance.

Jan. 22.—Last night this was fixed on my heart, as the only way how to get clearly through; and it answers to a confounding sense of my own unholiness, as well as weakness for writing, which I was struck with at the reading of the Doctor's letters: therefore this day I gave myself to prayer and meditation. I found last night that it was no easy thing to part with sin; and this morning the first impression on my spirit was that of my utter inability to put away sin. And I think I never had a more solid and serious sense of the absolute need of Christ for sanctification this day. I saw it was as easy for a rock to

raise itself, as for me to raise my heart from sin to holiness. I endeavoured to search myself, renew my repentance, and make confession; and solemnly laid over on the Lord Jesus Christ all my sins which I knew, and all that I knew not, that by his obedience, death, and sufferings, he might bear them all away. And having further examined myself, I renewed my covenant with God, taking God in Christ for my God, the Father of the Lord Jesus Christ for my Father, the Son for my Redeemer, and the Holy Ghost for my sanctifier; even that one God in three persons, who is in Christ reconciling the world to himself; taking Christ himself for my head and Husband; renouncing my own wisdom, and taking him for my Prophet to learn of him, and receive from him, the light of life; renouncing my own righteousness, and laying the whole stress of my soul on his merits and righteousness, and taking him for my Intercessor and Advocate; renouncing all my idols, and taking him for my King, and Head of influence for sanctification to my soul; resolving, in his strength, henceforth to hang on him for sanctification, to watch and more narrowly observe providences, and the way of his dealing with me. Personal holiness was the great thing in my view. After I set myself to cry to the Lord, in respect of the public, the case of the congregation, and my family. Towards the close of the day, I began to take thought particularly of the matter in hand, and set myself to examine myself as to the singleness of my intentions. I considered, that if I were led by base ends, it behoved to be either worldly profit, or a name. As for profit, my conscience bare me witness, that I would be content to be a loser, so that they might be serviceable; and as to a name, though at the bar of the law I dare not plead Not guilty, yet at the bar of the gospel I can appeal to God, that it is not a name to myself, but the honour of God that sways with me; and that on these grounds; 1. I do not, nor can I, expect a name amongst the men of name. 2. The Lord knows that I could be content to lose name and credit amongst them, so that the sermons were useful to some poor souls. 3. I am conscious to myself, that I durst not engage in such a business without an eye to the Lord for help; which I could not have for getting myself a name, either amongst the learned or unlearned. And upon the ground of my respect to God's

honour, I find in myself a disposition, to look to himself for his help. Thus I seemed insensibly to slip into what I was in quest of, viz. A sense of the command of God, such as might be a foundation of confidence in the Lord for help in the matter. That sense of my aiming at God's honour, and there upon the disposition to look to him for help, was followed with that word, "Him that honoureth me I will honour;" but I saw little to my purpose in that word. So it cost thoughts of heart, seeking some word of God that I might found upon in this point, viz. That having such rational grounds for the thing itself, and being conscious of the singleness of my heart therein, I might look for God's help in it. I turned to my ordinary, and there met with Psalm 44:5, 6; which though it was of use to me, yet did not seem to answer the point. Afterward that word, 1 Sam. 2:30, returned with a new light about it, appearing pat to my case. I saw that promise particularly directed to priests in the exercise of their office; and my soul desired no more, but what is in the compass of that word. It melted my heart, and I said I would believe it. If I had had the word a-framing for my case, I would have desired no more in the matter secured to me, than walking before the Lord, as a child before his father, After this, minding to read over what I had marked from the beginning about this business, together with the letters relative thereto, I went to God by prayer, for help to make a clear judgment upon the whole. Thereafter I read, first my own remarks, and then the letters, so far as they related to that affair. Mr. Colden's letter was the last; and among the last words of that part of it, were these following, viz, "Let respect to duty, and the salvation of perishing souls, sway you." That word, "perishing souls," nailed my heart; and it burst out and answered, "Then let me be a fool for perishing souls." And now for perishing souls I dare not but try that work, come of me what will. Sense of duty has now the heels of my inclination. Let the Lord do what seemeth him good as to the use of them, whether they be published or not. Blessed be the Lord, that has thus heard my prayer, and cleared me to put pen to paper.

Jan. 24.—This day I minded to have put pen to paper in that work; but last night a temptation was laid in to me, and increased this day,

so that I could not pursue my resolution. I saw the necessity of praying, "Lead us not into temptation;" was convinced that I had let down my watch, and one evil still made way for another.

Jan. 27.—This night the consideration of the temptation wherewith I have been baffled, was most stinging, being so very quickly after my solemn covenanting with God. I was made to groan out my case by reason of a body of sin and death. One thing has still been my temptation, and my heart said, "Any way let me be delivered, (only in mercy), though by cold death." I had been preaching, that the gracious soul could be content with Christ alone. And it was some stay to my heart, that I knew the time when I had been content without such a thing; and when I seemed to have it, was not content with it, nor would be; it could not fill up his room.

Jan. 29.—Last night I was concerned to get my soul's case bettered; for I saw Satan was busy with me now, having this work I found great difficulty in believing my welcome to the blood of Christ, after I had been so baffled by temptation, and that so quickly after covenanting with God, and making use of that blood. Verily the way of the covenant of grace is not the way of nature. But by the tenor of the covenant; Heb. 8:10, 12, my faith of this was raised. And this morning I found my soul sweetly composed, believing that the covenant of Tuesday last yet stands; and was inclined to put pen to paper without delay, the rather that it might be a mean of personal holiness to myself.

Feb. 3.—Accordingly that day, Tuesday the 29th of January, after prayer, and getting my heart composed to a dependence on the Lord, I began to write these sermons, and did something therein; but the temptation recurred, and was laid to me violently, till Thursday's night very late. On the Wednesday I was quite laid aside with it, deeply melancholy, and unfit for every thing. In which case, in the afternoon, I went up the brook to a solitary place, prayed, and sung Psalm 107:8, and downwards; and came home pretty well recovered, violently and resolutely plucking up my spirit; and though the

temptation lasted, it no more got me down to that degree. On the Thursday I proceeded in writing; and in the very time I got a new assault, but resisted it and went on. At length, going on in the work, there was a new assault; which so discomposed me, that I was obliged to lay it aside, and betake myself to a study requiring less thought. Thus Satan has made a strange bustle against this work; and though my misbehaviour under it is a matter of mourning, yet considering the issue of it, in its effect on my heart, I cannot think on the dispensation, but my soul blesses God therein. The effect was very necessary to fit me for the work in hand; and indeed, so far as I remember, I never felt it so easy to keep up.

This morning my heart began to swell with vanity; but God corrected it, by his leaving me in confusion there where I thought I was best buckled. O the deceit of my heart! O the goodness of God that has so quickly checked my folly! Praises to him for it.

This day eight days before day, I was sent for to see a certain young man thought to be a-dying. He confidently gave out, that he was just a-dying; that when he was in Edinburgh last, he thought he would never see it more, and so had been preparing for death. He was confident of his eternal welfare; and spoke so much, that I could scarcely get a sentence spoken to an end; and he disturbed me mightily in prayer with his speaking. I thought it looked not very like the work of the Spirit, and therefore set myself to try his evidences; and though he was not ready to produce them, yet when he did, I could not but acknowledge what he said to be good evidence; for indeed he is a knowing and religions young man. In all that flood of words, there was not one word to the commendation of the ordinances, though it would have been most seasonable from a dying man, especially in regard of the deserters that were there. When I spoke something of the Lord's feeding his people in ordinances, he spoke nothing to the commendation of the word, (though he was wont most diligently to attend); but said only, It was only the Spirit that could make it do good either to the preachers or hearers. And I durst not put the question to him, concerning his own entertainment

in the ordinances, because of the deserters that were about. This was very heavy to me. I judge there was something of vapours in the case. From that time he recovered, being quickly better after I saw him. Another case I had of the same nature in a young woman a little after I came to this parish, who was very confident of her state, and that with a sort of rejoicing; though upon further acquaintance after, I could not discern any thing that might be a foundation for such great things. I desire not to be peremptory in particular cases; but I see the need ministers have not to be too credulous, but to try.

Feb. 5.—This day I plainly saw the temptation aforesaid confirming my call to this work, when I considered how quickly Satan flew in the face of it, and how by the same means God had been fitting me for it, clearing, as it were, the ground to lay the foundation.

Feb. 26.—This day I found I had unfitted myself for my work; and it pleased the Lord to withdraw from me in it until I was humbled, and then his help returned. And my soul blesseth him that thus corrects me while about that work.

March 9.—I find my work very difficult, being hitherto little else but a new study; only the Lord liberally recompenseth my toils, so that I am well satisfied with the product of the blessing of God on my pains. I am appointed to go to the general assembly, and that against my will, in regard of the work that is on my hand; but am satisfied in the providence of God, which has a secret design, which, I hope, I will see.

March 12.—On the 10th instant I was very much discouraged as to that work, finding the authentic copy so bare and empty, that I could not but attribute it to a special providence, that the ministers who read them could ever have advised to revise them. I spent this morning in prayer, especially for direction and assistance in that work, and was helped to lay it over on the Lord.

Yesterday being in distress about the weaning of the child, I went to God with that matter; and coming down stairs presently after, I found the difficulty by the good providence of God removed, by the recovery of the nurse's husband, whose sickness had formed that difficulty.

April 23.—Last week our synod met. I have been busy about these sermons since I began that work, and before the synod had eleven sheets prepared. My health has to my wonder been preserved; save that in March, by bleeding and purging, (which continued near ten days after I took the physic), I was much weakened, which obliged me for some little time to lay it aside. Having been moderator of the October synod, and being to preach before them in April, I was minded, from the sweetness I had found in the study of the holy scripture in the Hebrew original, to have taken for my text, Ezra 7:10, "For Ezra had prepared his heart to seek the law of the Lord, and to do it, and to teach in Israel statutes and judgments;" and this in order to stir up my brethren to a due value for the study of the holy scriptures, especially in the originals, and to holiness and tenderness of life, &c. But the lamentable alteration in the state of public affairs and state of the church, brought in about this time by the act imposing the oath of abjuration on ministers, by which I saw the ruin of this church coutrived, obliged me to lay aside that design, and suit my synod-sermon to what I judged such a critical juncture required. And so I was determined to Matth. 28 ult. "Lo, I am with you to the end of the world." The sermon is in retentis. I spent some time in secret for preparation ere I entered upon it. It came to my hand pretty well. On the Saturday before I went to the synod, being to preach at Galashiels, then vacant, my family was in great distress; my wife miscarried, Thomas was very sick, John was to go to Selkirk with me, none of the other two were well; so that I was in a great strait to leave them that day: but the Lord helped, and melted my soul in confidence in himself ere I went off. But being indisposed in body and spirit too on the morrow, I had scarcely ever a more heavy Sabbath. On Monday night, after I came to Kelso, I had about two hours of easiness; but when I went to bed, I was so oppressed with,

melancholy, and fears of preaching before the synod, that I slept none at all the whole night; but still as I closed my eyes, my heart was as it were struck through with a dart; so that it was a most miserable uneasy night. I arose about half six in the morning, and was busy till eight. Then I thought to lie down for an hour's sleep; but instead of sleeping, I grew worse; soul, body, and spirit, all disordered: so that I thought I could preach none that day. In my distress I would needs have a certain minister sent for, that he might preach in my stead; but he absolutely refused. Wherefore I behoved to adventure; and though in delivering of the sermon I had some fear, yet, through the goodness of God, it had no bad effects on me in it; for I was solidly serious in the whole. I am ashamed of the whole of this; my natural bashfulness and diffidence have often done me much harm. Melancholy is an enemy to gifts and grace, a great friend to unbelief, as I have often found in my experience; but nothing in it touches me more than my folly and imprudence in sending for that minister; for it was too much to the dishonour of God, who has often been good to me, that some bosom-friends saw me in that case; but the other could not but be a disadvantage to the cause of God, in the weighty point of the oath, in which that person and I quickly appeared of different judgments. This day I set myself to pray and think about the oath; and it remains to be a heavy trial to me. The state of public affairs makes me afraid, that the business of the sermons be marred; which puts me now to beg of God, that he would carry on that work over the belly of the difficulties. This day also one who came to my house last summer in deep distress and melancholy, having by the blessing of God recovered, went away but somewhat dissatisfied. Since her recovery, she has been somewhat uneasy to us, and seemed very unconcerned in the distress of our family. Another certain person did not carry right. I had a very sorry account of a third. All the three were much esteemed by me for their piety. These things together made me think that I had seen an end of all perfection. And though I think they were all gracious persons, and dare not think, far less speak, harshly as to the state of any of them, considering my corrupt self; yet I think I will never admire women's religion so very much as I have done. I do judge their passions are

apt to make their religion look greater than indeed it is, being naturally easy to be impressed.

May 27.—When I came home from the synod, my son Thomas was still sick; on the last of April he died; was buried May 1; and on the morrow I went to Edinburgh to the general assembly. Never was the death of a child so useless to me, being put out of order by a temptation. The prospect of evil times alleviated the case of his death; but the disorder of my own spirit wofully marred the kindly good effect it might have had. Satan watches to prevent the good of afflictions; much need is there to watch against him.

In the assembly, the lawfulness of the oath of abjuration was debated pro and con, in a committe of the whole house, betwixt the scruplers and the clear brethren. All I had thereby was, that the principles on which the answers to the objections were founded, seemed to me of such latitude, that by them almost any oath might pass. The parties were (at that time, as I think) at the very point of splitting; till Mr. William Carstairs, principal of the college of Edinburgh, and clear for the oath, interposed and prevented the rupture; for the which cause I did always thereafter honour him in my heart. For all that I heard advanced to clear the difficulties about it, I still continued a scrupler; and therefore, a little before I came away home, the act imposing the oath being printed, and offered to me at the door of the assembly house, I bought it, on purpose to know exactly the penalty I was like to underlie.

Being come home, I did this day spend some time in prayer for light from the Lord about that oath. And thereafter entering on to read the prints I had on it, in order to form a judgment about it, I immediately fell on the act, whereby it was first of all framed and imposed; and finding thereby the declared intent of the oath to be, to preserve the act inviolable on which the security of the church of England depends, I was surprised and astonished; and, upon that shocking discovery, my heart was turned to loath that oath which I had before scrupled.

From thence, what spare time I had from visiting of the parish, I spent in considering the oath, until June 17, that our synod met pro re nata; I having, by advice of brethren-members of the assembly for our synod, called them together. And by the foresaid time of their meeting, I had written my thoughts on the oath, being reasons against it, on about two sheets of paper; the which are in retentis.

There the oath was disputed throughout; the unclear impugning, and the clear brethren defending it. But as the declared intent of the oath above mentioned, did not at all cast up in the reasonings of the general assembly, which could not have missed, if it had been then known to the scruplers; so, as far as I could understand, it was known to no brother of the synod, clear or unclear, before I took the act aforesaid along with me to that their meeting. They seemed to be struck with it, when it was cast up in the synod; but Mr. James Ramsay aforesaid, made an answer to it, distinguishing between the church of England as a protestant church, and as a church having such a government and worship; and admitting the intent of the oath in the first sense, but not in the second. This was truly stumbling to me, but served to confirm mo against the oath. The conduct of providence determining me to procure the act above said, was wondrous in my eyes. The Lord was pleased to hear my prayers, in helping me, with some measure of freedom, to debate the business at the synod, together with others. I was silenced, though not satisfied, by an answer to the first argument, (namely the swearing of principles), taken from the national covenant; for on that occasion it was much improved by those that used not before to meddle much with it. It seemed plain to me, that the clear brethren were at a loss in the rest, and truly foundered in that of the declared intent of the oath, which a certain person proposed, having before desired the act from me; from whence he understood I had it. Though they seemed to be struck with it yet they gave answers to it; which much confirmed me, when I plainly saw that some were resolute to answer, when (it seemed to me) they hardly knew what to answer. I had from that time a particular regard for Mr. John Gowdie, minister at Earlston, a grave and learned man, upon the account of his candour

and ingenuity, though joined with principles very contrary to mine; he owned, that the ministers, in the year 1648, would not have taken that oath, according to their principles. [And in this regard to that brother, I had been, since that time, all along confirmed; and even in the assembly 1729, in professor Simson's affair; the man dealing plainly and candidly, according to his light; though in such matters, of a more public nature, he and I were still on opposite sides of the question. He is this year, 1730, transported to Edinburgh.] I was much comforted and encouraged in the kind conduct of Providence about me at that meeting. I desired still to hang about the Lord's hand for further light in that matter; and I durst not say to any, what I would do in the matter.

In the visiting of the parish, I was extremely discouraged. The ministry of this church is like to die unlamented. I have no sympathy from any of my people, or next to none. All were clear against the oath, and they were in no care that way, but that I kept honest, and others. That was all their doubt in the matter. Nay, I found some scrupling to take the sacrament; saying, How could they, when against Lammas the ministers would, may be, take the oath? [N.B. In the house of one of these scruplers, there was stolen flesh found sometime thereafter; and her husband being disgraced, they left the parish],

I found myself in great danger by melancholy, and was more broken that way than ever; and unless God would help, there was no help from any other quarter. On Saturday we spent some time in prayer, with an eye to the state of public affairs, and the sacrament. I had a weary morning of it, till the Lord refreshed me in some measure towards the latter end of my secret prayers.

June 29.—This day the sacrament was celebrated here. On the Friday before, being my day for study, I had as great a pressure by my cross as ever before. I was thereby confounded, and unfitted for any thing. However, I got through my studies, such as they were, on Isa. 44:5. On the Lord's day I obliged one to preach before me, (which is not

my ordinary), that the people might get something; I being confounded and broken. Upon the whole of that work, as to myself, I thought the Lord had cast a cloud over me; and I was well satisfied, judging that God had honoured me very much before; and if he should now bury me, ere I were dead, and continue that vail over me, I was content, hoping I might creep into heaven at some back door. And the reflection on this ease of my heart, while I lay among the dust of the Lord's feet, was my feast, for that time.

Some time before the sacrament, being under conviction of guilt, I found my soul bound up, and my heart hardened; till I looked to the blood of Jesus Christ, and turned to see God in Christ; and thereupon my heart was loosed and melted.

Oct. 21—Our synod met. Being resolved not to take the oath, I took advice at Edinburgh, when I was at the commission, (to which when I was going, I was in hazard of being drowned in a hole by the highway-side, for great rains had fallen; I was pulled out by one that was with me), how to dispose of my effects, if by any means I might keep them from becoming a prey to the government; rigid execution of the law being expected by both parties, clear and unclear. But the executing of the project was delayed till the synod. At this meeting, the brethren clear for the oath, had concerted measures for bringing such as should refuse it under an engagement not to speak against the takers of it. I was resolved to be very tender that way, and so have been all along to this day; looking on the exposing of them as a hindrance to the success of the gospel; for which cause I have suffered heavily at the hands of the people. But withal I was absolutely against binding up myself in the matter, by consenting to any act for that end; and therefore declared against it accordingly. And, on purpose to break it, I proposed, that since the clear brethren demanded that engagement of us unclear, on the one hand, they should, on the other hand, engage, that they would not join with the magistrate against us. And this broke the contrivance to all intents and purposes; for they could neither think meet to come under such an engagement to us, nor could they have confidence to insist in their

project upon their shifting it. Thus the Lord honoured me to mar this insnaring contrivance; which gave me ground to hope, that, notwithstanding my personal guilt and unholiness, the Lord would help me to be faithful, and some way useful in the time of trial. As I came home, I was made sweetly to observe, what pains the Lord had been pleased then to take to reconcile me to the cross, and to sweeten it to me, in a pleasant mixture of disappointments, straits, and outgates, in the management of my affairs; for when I came to Kelso, I found the measures before laid down for that effect, all broken; which much perplexed me; but on that occasion I was set on other measures thought to be more sure. I saw myself there a friendless creature; which made me solemnly take God for my friend, and lay my business over upon him; and it succeeded. I had business with several persons, as I came homeward; and they were all made favourable to me; yet still in a vicissitude of disappointments or temptations; so that it was all the way, as it were, one step down and another up. Having been disappointed of meeting with a person I had business with, and that twice successively, I was thinking, (as I rode on my way), that although such disappointments were but small things, yet being ruled by providence, they certainly had a design; namely, to try men's patience, and waiting on the Lord; which my soul desired to do. In the very time these thoughts were going through my heart, the boy that was with me asked a woman, where such a one dwelt, a friend of that person's whom I wanted. She told him; but withal added, that if he were seeking such a man, he was in that house, to which she belonged. So we met. This small thing thus timed, was big in my eyes. I came home with a heart reconciled, in some measure, to the cross of Christ.

By all parties nothing was expected, but a rigid execution of a very severe law, laying non-compliers with it, besides other incapacities, under an exorbitant fine of £500 sterling; which was more than all the stipend that had ever since I was a minister come into my hand, by that time did amount to. However, I found myself obliged to go on in preaching the gospel at my peril, to fulfil the ministry I had received of the Lord. Herein I was confirmed and encouraged, by a

declared resolution to that purpose, of a meeting of several brethren at Edinburgh, in the time, I think, of the commission in August. These straitening circumstances obliged me to denude myself of all my worldly goods; that they might not fall into the hands of the government, when I should fall under the lash of the law. For this cause I disponed my tenement in Dunse in favour of my eldest son, and expeded that matter; so that it being sold several years after, he was obliged, being major, to sign the papers. I also made an assignation of my other goods and gear to John Currie, who came with me my servant to this country, and was then, I think, my precentor. [This paper I destroyed, only the last winter, 1729.] In these things the due forms of law were observed, not without trouble and expense.

Meanwhile, during all this reeling and confusion, I had no encouragement or sympathy, or next to none, as formerly observed, from the parish; which was a great load above my burden. They seemed only to wait to see what proof of honesty would be given, or contrariwise. And their woful jealousy, and their looking so lightly on the matter, was a mighty discouragement to me. However, had they been as much for, as they were against, the oath, I durst never have, whatever had been the hazard, taken it, according to any light in which it did ever appear to me unto this day. But the truth is, the extreme hardship I was under from them, did much alleviate the prospect of the goverment's forcing me away from them, even to confinement and banishment, and this for several years after, wherein there was some appearance of these things. But now, for several years, expectation of relief that way hath been blocked up; and the Lord has seen meet to take trial of me in another, more private way.

On Oct. 26, I preached my last sermon, which, as matters then stood in law, I could preach under the protection of the government. My text fell, in my ordinary, to be Phil. 3:8, "My Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things." And in my notes on that text, are to be

found a few things, which, in the close of that day's work, I said on that trying occasion.

Tuesday the 28th, being the last day, according to the law, for taking of the oath, I spent some part of it in secret with the Lord, endeavouring to renew my repentance, and my covenant with the Lord. I had now, since the synod or assembly, lost all heart and hand as to proceeding in the sermons designed for the press; and having finished the subjects of the states of innocence and nature, had laid the project aside. But this day the inclination to go on with that work returned with that, that now I saw I behoved to be a fool for Christ in the matter of the oath, and so I might be in the matter of these sermons too. And withal, whereas I had foreseen a peculiar difficulty as to the managing of the sermons on the state of grace, it was given me to see how to get over that difficulty, and that by casting my thoughts into a shorter and more natural method than before; which never' came into my head before that day.

PERIOD X

FROM THE OATH OF ABJURATION REFUSED, TILL THE TRANSPORTATION

TO CLOSEBURN REFUSED BY THE

COMMISSION

ON the following Sabbath, being November 2, I did, under a great pressure, from the consideration of the severity of the law upon the one hand, and the temper of the parish upon the other, enter again on my work, at my peril. What I said by way of preface that day, is also to be found in the notes aforesaid:* after which I went on as before, proceeding on the same text in my ordinary, Phil. 3. And I bless the Lord, who gave me counsel, not to intermit the exercise of my ministry for ever so short a time, on that trying occasion.

According to what befel me on the 28th of October, with respect to proceeding in writing of the Fourfold State, I applied myself closely thereunto again; I had perfected the following part thereof, viz. the state of grace, by the 23d of December.

Proceeding in writing of the Fourfold State, I finished it on the 9th of March. On the 25th of January, gave myself unto prayer, with new endeavours after personal holiness. Then I went on; and, according to my natural disposition when once engaged in a work, was too eager. Rising to it long before day, on the Saturday morning thereafter, that day my body was sore weakened, my spirits exhausted, very little was done, and that little very unsatisfying. At length I was obliged to leave it, with that check, "It is vain for you to rise up early," &c., Psalm 127:2; and I resolved through grace to do so no more. And now do I bless God, for that that eagerness is removed, and it goes better with me. However, on the 9th of March the work

was finished; and for the help of the Lord I had therein, I desire to be thankful. Whatever the Lord minds to do with them, I had worth my pains in the work, with respect to my own private case; for they made me many errrands to the throne of grace, and helped me to keep up a sense of religion on my spirit. Writing of heaven, I found it no easy thing to believe the greatness of that glory which is to be revealed. The copy then written in octavo, which is in retentis, was not the copy from which it was afterwards printed.

On Friday, April 3, about eight minutes after one in the morning, my youngest son Thomas was born; and was baptized on the 14th, by Mr. William Macghie, minister of Selkirk.

Coming in view of the sacrament this year, the impression I had of the low state of practical religion in the place, led me to a new ordinary, viz. Hos. 14 which chapter I began May 17, and proceeding therein to the last clause of ver. 6, dwelt long on it.

I find, that about this time, having seen Cross's Taghmical Art, I was begun to have some notion of the accentuation of the Hebrew Bible, according to the principles of that author. Having been with Mr. Macghie foresaid in his closet at a time, he happened to speak of his acquaintance with Mr. Cross at London, and of his giving him a copy of his book above mentioned, which I believe I had never heard of before. I desired thereupon to see the book; and, finding it relate to the sacred Hebrew, I borrowed it from him. This behoved to be, either in the spring this year, or else in October, 1712, what time I was assisting at the sacrament there. Had I known then what was in the womb of that step of providence, I had surely marked the day of my borrowing that book, as one of the happiest days of my life.

Great was the stumbling among the people through the south and west, on the account of the abjuration-oath, taken, in the preceding year, by about two parts of three of the ministry in Scotland; and I gained but little in our parish, by my refusing it; because I would not separate from, but still kept communion with, the jurors; meeting

with them in presbyteries and synods. And now was beginning the schism made by Mr. John Taylor, ministry of Wamphray, on that account. I had been assisting to the said Mr. Taylor at the sacrament in the year 1711; and he to me in the year 1712; as he was also this year, June 7,* on the same occasion. On that night, after the public work was over, finding him inclined to separation upon the account of the oath, I earnestly argued against it from the holy scripture; and he seemed not to be very peremptory, nor much to set himself to answer my arguings. But immediately after this conference on that subject; going to family worship, whereat a great many were present, but perhaps all strangers, except my own family; he surprised me with his discourse on Psalm 23 delivered in a very homely manner, and just feeding the reeling, separating humour among the people; the which I looked upon as a sorry piece of service at best, and unbecoming a man of sense and consideration, in these circumstances.

On the 12th of July, I was assisting to him again. And the work being begun before I got thither, on the Saturday, I sat down on the braeside among the people; where, after sermons, I was surprised to hear him shew their resolution to declare their adherence to the covenauts, national and solemn league, for which they had made some preparation on the fast-day; but withal leaving others to their liberty. The people, having got the call from him for that effect, rose up on every side of me; and by holding up their hands, as had been agreed on, testified their adherence. I was not apprised beforehand of this design; and judging it a matter requiring due preparation, and not to be rashly entered upon, sat still, and joined not. By all the accounts I had of it, I judged the management thereof not suitable nor proportionable to the weight of the matter. Through the mercy of God, I found no ill effect of this piece of my conduct, at home, which I feared.

Some time after, being called to answer for himself, before the presbytery, in matters unquestionably scandalous, whether right or wrong alleged against him, he did most unwisely decline them, and

separate. But I think, that, even though his separation had been warrantable, he ought, for the honour of God, and the cause of religion, to have appeared, and purged himself of these things to their face, in the first place. Hearing how matters were like to go betwixt him and the presbytery, I wrote to him, whom I always took for a good man; offering my best offices and advice, if he would give me a view of the state of his matters. The letter he received, but made me no return; and I never saw him since that time. A great many of the parish of Eskdale-moor joined him; the which, by reason of the neighbourhood, was another fountain of trouble and uneasiness to me, giving me another class of dissenters, servants coming in from thence to our parish; though I remember none of our congregation that went off to him, but one inconstant woman, who joined with his way for a time.

At first Mr. John Hepburn, head of an old and considerable party, Mr. John Gilchrist, minister of Dunscore, and he, joining together, formed a presbytery; which lasted very short while. At length his own party broke among themselves, and many of them left him; so that this day, though he still continues his schism, his affairs and reputation are in a sorry situation.

Amongst us who assisted in those days, as aforesaid, at Wamphray, was Mr. Thomas Hoy, minister at Annan. Him also, some time after, lodging a night in my house, I was at pains to convince of the unwarrantableness of the separation on account of the oath; but prevailed not. Howbeit, some time after, I heard with indignation, his taking of the oath itself; such a propensity there is in human nature to run to extremes, and such a need of walking by a fixed principle of church-communion, established from the holy scriptures.

On August 30, continuing my ordinary; Hos. 14. I did withal return to explain the catechism; but began at the duty which God requireth of man. And judging the discovery of the exceeding breadth of the command to be of great importance, I did insist on the ten

commands very largely; so that the sermons on them ended not till August 28, 1715, two years after this. Which brings to mind an occasional encounter, before our presbytery, with Mr. John Gowdie above mentioned; who happening to tell us of his preaching catechetical doctrine, shewed, that he had cursorily gone over the ten commands, as judging that best for the case of the people; I found myself obliged to declare before them all, that I was quite of another mind; the fullest unfolding of the holy commandment being necessary to discover the need of Christ, both to saints and sinners. But I have always observed narrow thoughts of the doctrine of free grace, to be accompanied with narrow thoughts of the extent of the holy law.

About this time I set myself to consider the mass-book, and the English service-book; between which I found a surprising agreement, several particulars of which I marked on the service-book, which remains as yet among my other books. For the course of public affairs had taken such a turn, that from the year 1710 they had run straight towards the interest of the pretender; and continued so to do, till, being brought to the point of full ripeness, it pleased the Lord, suddenly and surprisingly to break the measures of the party, through the removal of Queen Aune by death, August 1, 1714; so that king George had a peaceable accession to the throne, as much unexpected, as the Queen's death at the time foresaid. Meanwhile, at this time, matters had a formidable appearance, and a terrible cloud seemed to hang over the head of the nations, hastening to break. Papists and Jesuits were flocking hither from beyond seas; and things great and small were set a-going, to prepare people for receiving what was a-hatching. Sitting at meat in time of the synod at Kelso, in the house of a presbyterian silly woman, I was surprised with, and filled with indignation at, the sight of the picture of Christ on the cross, hanging on the wall over against me. Lodging, in time of a communion, in a certain house of some distinction, I got a loam bason to wash my hands in, with the Jesuits' motto in the bottom thereof, J. H. S. And many other such arts were then used to catch the people, while the great artifices for compassing the design were

going on successfully. Withal, there were mighty fears of an intended massacre.

But national fasts were very rare, as they have been all along since the Union unto this day. Wherefore on February 17, 1714, we kept a congregational fast, upon the account of the aspect of affairs at that time, more particularly declared in our session's act thereanent, of the date Feb. 14, 1714. I preached that day on Psalm 74:19, "O deliver not the soul of thy turtle dove unto the multitude of the wicked." Which sermon agreeable to the state of that time, being in retentis, may be consulted.*

On the Sabbath immediately following, I entered, in my catechetical ordinary, on the second command; upon which I did for some time set myself to discover the evil of Popery, and of the English service. With respect to the former, I explained to the people the national covenant at large, judging the case of the time a sufficient call thereto. The latter I insisted on as particularly, and as much as I thought to be for edification, from the pulpit; yet not so much as I fain would have done; which was the occasion of the blank left in that part of my notes on the commands; the which, it seems, I had some thoughts of filling up afterwards, for my own satisfaction; which yet was never done.

The aforesaid copy of the Fourfold State having been revised by several ministers, I went in the summer to Edinburgh, with my dear friend Dr. Trotter, on purpose to speak with a printer on that head. And while I was there, I was free, willing, and resolved to venture it into the world. But a friend there, at that time a student, now a minister, advised to delay it upon the ground of the fear of the pretender's coming in. This being so feasible, I could not in modesty refuse the advice; but after that, my courage in the case abated and sunk.

Aug. 24.—This day the sacrament was administered. There were 103 tokens given out to parishioners, whereof 23 to new communicants;

and there were never so many communicants of this parish before. The work was begun on Thursday with a sermon on Amos 6:1, which I believe drew the stool from under most of us; surely it did so to me. On the Saturday and Sabbath morning, the weather looked gloomy; but I had a most quiet resigned frame of spirit, with respect to it, leaving it on the Lord without anxiety. And it was a grey day, with some pleasant blinks. A little ere I went out, I was stung with the conscience of my neglect of self-examination, though I had solemnly done it on the Monday before, being our family fast-day for this occasion. I had attempted it on Saturday's night, but was carried off. Let this be a lesson to me. In this case I took a short review of myself, as the time would allow; but that neglect stuck with me. I preached on Hos. 2:19, which I had entered on July 11. The rest of the ministers were well helped. I was not straitened for words in that sermon, and had some solid seriousness as to the success of it; yet I thought the Lord cast a cloud over me, and that the people seemed unconcerned. So, in the midst of it I knew not what to do, fearing the people's weariness. I looked about, wishing in my heart that some body would tell me whether to leave it or not; yet I went on to the second general head, being loath to leave it altogether, and passed only a twelfth part of the sermon; which was delivered after the action with more satisfaction to myself. Having consecrated the elements, and said, that they were no more to be looked on as common bread and wine, but as symbols of the body and blood of Christ; immediately I felt a great change on my spirit to the better, which made me speak with an unusual concern on my soul; and my natural spirits, that were low before, were raised, so that I had a new vigour for speaking. I blundered however in delivering the bread, saying "This cup;" but I recovered myself, though not without difficulty, having much ado to fall upon the very words of institution, "Take eat," &c. This was stinging and humbling, lest it might be an occasion of triumph to the wicked. I communicated at the fourth table, and thought I had faith, love, &c. in exercise; and there, with myself, gave up my wife, my children, one by one, by name, my servants, parish, &c. to the Lord. When I came in that day, the work being over, and began to look through what had passed, my soul was

humbled in me, and much broken; for upon the whole I thought there was never less of God's presence with a communion-work here than that, except that recorded, p. 277. But God seasonably opened the mouths of some to speak, for his own praise and for my comfort; particularly Mr. O. desired me that night to thank God for the great things he had met with; adding, (to my wife, who told me), that he was scarcely able to contain himself, and came into the house. And she telling this to a gentlewoman, that person replied, There were more so than he; and that she heard an old professor say, What's this we meet with! that he had not seen such a thing for many years. This is not the first time God has done great things, and hid them from me in the time; for he is infinitely wise. The sermon I preached on this occasion, was afterwards published, under the title of "The Everlasting Espousals;" Providence thus quickly beginning to move, towards bringing forth of that work foresaid, in its due time.

On the morrow, a goodly minister and I conversing about the work, he told me there were two expressions used by me at serving of the table that were offensive to some. The one was misrepresented and mistaken, being that of signing the wrong paper, which see in the authentic MS. sermons on Hos. 2:19, p. 26, which some had turned to signing a compact with the devil. But I had not expressed it so fully as in the notes; which I should have done, there being some there that had not heard it from me before. The other was misapplied, having no ground at all, but the jealousy of the person offended. However, these, especially the last, cast me down very sore, who before was lying very low. From these, and the blunder, I got a plain lesson, to beware of mixing my own spirit with the Lord's Spirit. In these damps I unbosomed myself to my friend Mr. Wilson, (for whom I bless the Lord), and he was useful to me. Let me learn to be humble, watchful, and dependent, while I think it goes well with me. I am persuaded they have great need to take heed to their feet that are let in within the vail; for he is a jealous God.

On the Tuesday having convoyed the minister some miles, Mr. Colden, at parting (as before also) had so expressed what he had felt

in that (to me) overclouded sermon, that I was made to believe the Lord had owned it. And then my heart was opened to give him the due thanks. And the effects of my believing it I found to be, 1. That I was thankful; 2. It humbled me, seeing it as a great debt upon me; 3. It kindled in my heart more desire after holiness. So retiring, by the way I poured out my soul before God, according to these impressions.

Wednesday. But this day the glory of that work was quite out of my eyes again, and I could not be thankful; but was confounded and sunk, when I looked back on it. I wondered at Mr. Colden's speaking as he did, on Monday's night, before all the company, concerning that work and me. I thought that whatever had been my mind of another, I could not have spoken so, before the person himself; and I have often wondered on such occasions. But now I see how needful these things are for me, and how by them the Lord indulgeth weak me, when I cannot see the thing, to be thankful for it notwithstanding all these helps and props. One thing comforts me, that the Saturday's work had such influence on me, that it occasioned my uttering these words to the congregation, "I would fain hope God will do great things here tomorrow; he can do wonders with little noise," &c.

Dec. 16.—One having a while ago desired a copy of my action-sermon on Hos. 2:19, that he might publish it, and he having taken advice about it at Edinburgh, I set some time apart this day for light from the Lord in that matter. I labonred some time in confessing of sin before the Lord, in renewing my covenant and renunciation. And two things were wondrous in my eyes. 1. The unalterableness of the covenant. I had a sweet view of it as a covenant which after many slips might be renewed. There is no renewing of the covenant of works, once broken; but this covenant will not break; one-is welcome to renew it after backslidings. 2. That I had this opportunity without disturbance; whereas I had attempted it twice before, and on my unwatchfulness had marred it; whereby, though something was done, as on Tuesday last, yet the business was not carried through.

Then I set myself to seek light from the Lord in prayer, and thought on the business; and considering that I was urged by a repeated call from that person, and that this is a fair way to try what acceptance the book may meet with if published, I resolved to attempt it. I had a discouragement in this matter from the same quarter from whence I had the temptation at my entering on writing the sermons aforesaid. It was comfortable to me to think, that whatever have been the transgressions of my private walk, God has been very gracious to me in the public steps of my life. And so I stepped over that discouragement, which I could not get removed.

Jan. 3, 1715.—Having finished the sermon, I took up Dempster's Antiquities, to refresh myself, where I read something de expositione infantum, that seemed to give light into Ezek. 16; and pursuing the thing, several thoughts offered themselves, which I cast into a paper with much satisfaction, and some design to insert them into a sermon. [N.B. They are inserted in the printed sermon]. So this morning I was very easy as to the publishing of the sermon. But at night there came one whom I respect and value, and would have employed in the business; but in the holy providence of God he carried so strongly, with respect to the book, and this sermon too, that I was confounded, and quite discouraged in the design. However, I sent it to Mr. Wilson, seeing I had written it. He approved the motion of printing it; but withal told me, that the printers would hardly take such an interlined copy. Whereupon, though, by the foresaid discouragement still remaining with me, had no heart for publishing it; yet I resolved, come what will, that I would transcribe it over again.

Jan. 13.—I began to transcribe it; but on the 15th at night, while I was busy with it there came an express to me, calling me to go to Dunse, to my brother a-dying. So I laid it aside, wondering at this next dash. I took it with me, and shewed it to Mr. Brown; who did encourage me to publish it; and I think, if I had not met with him, I had not recovered that damp to the design given by the person aforesaid. So

providence made use of that my being called away from the work, to forward it, which it is likely had lain if that had not come.

I went off Sabbath afternoon, Jan. 16, after sermon, and returned next Saturday's night. My sermon was studied before, and so it was (except a very little) the last time I had occasion to be so abroad. So does the Lord encourage me to study. My brother grew better, while I was there; and, for my own use, I received an instruction and warning, and a check, from the dispensation.

Jan. 26.—This day, observed to determine me to the publishing of the sermon, 1. That as I was cleared to put pen to paper, so the publishing of it encouraged by the two ministers that saw it. 2. That dispensation of providence whereby the damp was taken off, though it seemed itself to concur to the laying the design aside when I first met with it. 3. It is desired by many, and I hope it may be useful. 4. The Lord helped me in it, particularly with that on Ezek. 16 to my own surprise. 5. There seems to be a necessity laid on me, to make this essay, that so I may at length come to a point, whether to venture the publishing of the book or not.

After the Queen's death, King George safely arriving, had a peaceable accession to the throne; for which cause there was a thanksgiving appointed to be observed, January 22, 1715. But at that time, I having been called to Dunse, as is above related, we could not observe it on the day appointed. Howbeit we kept it on the 3d of February; which day I preached on Esther 9:1, "Now when the king's commandment and his decree drew near to be put in execution, in the day that the enemies of the Jews hoped to have power over them, (though it was turned to the contrary, that the Jews had rule over them that hated them)." This sermon is to be found next to that of the fast-day above mentioned.

Feb. 6.—This day being the Lord's day, in the time of the first prayer, in the pulpit, one drew my sleeve; which put me into some disorder; quickly after, I heard a muttering about me; which struck me with

terror; so, recommending the case to God, whatever it was, I closed the prayer. (N. B. I think, upon reflection, I should have immediately stopped upon the first sign given, and known what the matter was, ere I had gone further; for I could have no composure till I had done that, and that sign was a providental call, under which I knew not what might be.) Then I was told that one was a-dying at the parkfoot, betwixt that and the water, little more than a stone-cast from the church. The congregation being set to sing a psalm I went out; but he was dead ere I got to him. He was a strong old man about seventy-six years old, who having come over the hills from Upper Dalgleish four miles a-foot, and having taken a drink of the water, and said he had left the rest about a quarter of a mile behind him, never spoke more, but fell down, gave two shivers, and died between the water and the western park of the glebe. Thus coming to the church, he came to the church-yard; he came heartily and cleverly to his grave, instead of being borne. Lord teach me so to count my days, as I may apply my heart to wisdom. Reflecting on my being so lately alarmed, and obliged to ride on the Lord's day, and this day again brought out of the pulpit, on the occasion of death, I thought it had a language to me, fearing the next might be a more home stroke.

Feb 10.—Having received letters desiring me to come to the presbytery, I went, contrary to my inclination; but out of conscience towards God, lest his cause by my absence should suffer any detriment, upon which account I durst not sit at home. The Lord made it a comfortable and happy journey; for not only was the business (the affair of Mr. J. D.) kept from going farther wrong; but the Lord honoured me to be the instrument of peace in the presbytery, (which had been split the day before my protestations and counter-protestations), and brought that business to the desired issue, with respect to the presbytery's management of it. I have often found it good, to follow duty over the belly of inclination.

The aforementioned alarming dispensation led me, on the following Lord's day, to a new ordinary; 2 Cor. 5:1, "For we know, that if our earthly house of this tabernacle were dissolved," &c. on which I dwelt

till May 22, that, for the sacrament, I entered on Heb. 10:22, "Let us draw near with a true heart, in full assurance of faith," &c. pressing the confidence of faith. On the same text was the action-sermon, as were also some sermons after the sacrament. A godly minister, then a nonjuror, and one of my assistants at the sacrament, (Mr. Colden), as I was convoying him and the rest away, on the Tuesday after; upon occasion of discourse about the action-sermon, particularly that a pious gentleman had said it was above his capacity; moved me to write practically on the doctrine of justification; the which I had, some years after, frequent occasion of calling to mind; when he having taken the abjuration-oath in the year 1719, proved thereafter a too keen party man against the doctrine of the Marrow, and the defenders thereof. So doth one false step make way for another.

Feb. 15.—In answer to the former calls of Providence, I spent this day in fasting, prayer, and meditation, with respect to my leaving the world. I endeavoured to antedate my reckoning with my judge, acknowledging my sins and applying to the Lord through Christ's blood, for pardon. I made a comfortable review of my evidences for heaven. I neither could nor durst name what sort of death I would desire to die; but renewed my covenant with the Lord, with a view to eternity, leaning on that bed (my closet bed) which perhaps may be my death-bed, taking the several quarters of it witnesses, that I had gone in under the covert of blood, the covert of the covenant, for death. I laid over my wife and children on the Lord. There was one little circumstance (the recording of which may be of some use), namely, that at night, about the latter end of this exercise, while I was at prayer, a dead-bell tinkled down stairs, the hearing of which surprising sound made some impression on me. It was gifted by Sir William Scott to the parish, and at that time it was, though not expected so soon, brought home by John Currie, who had been at Edinburgh, about the printing of the sermon, and brought home a specimen of it. In the remaining part of that week, I set in order my worldly affairs, by a will written with my own hand. And this, I think, was the first time I made my testament; the which I always after kept by me, but several times renewed, destroying the preceding one. And

I reckon it was about this time that my contract with my wife was destroyed, with consent; the settlement being made more to her advantage.

On the 10th of March, John Currie being at Edinburgh to bring out the copies of the sermon, I met at Selkirk with him who had the oversight of the press; who surprised me with the news that the press was stopped, one of this parish having brought word to him for that effect, as from me or the publisher; which was a groundless mistake. This occasioned me thoughts of heart; the rather that the sacrament being to be celebrated at Edinburgh at that time, many there were desirous, on that occasion, to have had it; and it was thought this had marred the going off of many upon that occasion, some hundreds, as he expressed it. But on second thoughts I was satisfied in the favourable conduct of providence; for had they come forth at such a nick for sale, I could not have judged of the acceptance of the book by that means. On the 26th I received a copy; but withal saw another fair occasion for the sale of them lost, though I had endeavoured to secure it. I could perceive no reason for it, but that so providence saw it meet, and I believe for the same reason foresaid. And one delay of bringing the copies out, came one week after another, till John Currie going in at length to bring them, there were few left to be brought out. It is the usual way of providence with me, that matters of moment come through several iron gates. I could not but observe, that, by holy providence unknown to me, at what time the press was stopped, I had no freedom in prayer about it, but several times forgot it, and wondered how I had forgot it. But when the work went on it was not so. The publication of that sermon was my first-fruits in that kind. I had a comfortable account of its acceptance.

April 15.—I received a letter from Mr. Wilson, shewing me, that two persons had written to him from Edinburgh about the sermon, (though he had written to none there about it); the one desiring to deal with me for more, which it is heard are ready by me, and assuring of the esteem of the godly and judicious. The other's letter he sent to me, bearing that it had there a very welcome reception

from all having any sense of religion.—"Seasonably," says the author of the letter, "it came to my hand,—at a time when I was under much deadness and hiding of the Lord's face; I was walking in darkness, and saw no light; yet by a secret power was kept from drawing rash conclusions while I was reading it. I can compare it to nothing more fitly than a cordial to a fainting spirit or a ray of light shining in a dungeon. The surprising turn which it gave to my sunk spirit, is beyond what I can express. The heavenly eloquence and divine rhetoric which was in it, brought some transactions to my remembrance, which had been for some time out of sight, and I made a new Amen to the marriage-covenant."—This melted my soul in thankfulness and admiration of the goodness of God to vile me, and sent me to my knees immediately with these impressions. It also filled me with courage; and now I was well content to lie down and receive my lashes from other hands; for now I had a pleasant view, how God would be beforehand with me, laying in that timely to prepare me for other sort of entertainment. And indeed I am well hired to abide all.

May 14.—Saturday. I spent a part of this day in humiliation, renewing my covenant with God, and prayer for the Lord's presence in the work of the sacrament of the supper to be celebrated here, last Sabbath of this month. The Lord was pleased to help me to confidence, believing in God as my God.

May 19.—Since Saturday last, I have had most sensible experience of the solid joy and peace, in believing God to be my God in Christ. I find it is a blessed means of sanctification. It strengthens to duty; for I have been helped in my work of visiting since that time. It nourishes love to the Lord; and consequently love to and desire of the thriving of this work in people's souls. It creates a sweet calm, and quiet of mind, in doubtful events; for I have been tried, and yet am with a prospect of the Lord's keeping back the one half of my helpers in the work before me; but I have no anxiety that way. It sweetens other enjoyments, and carries above things which at other times are irritating, and create disgust. I have compared flashes of

affection, with a calm sedate tender love to the Lord; and I prefer the latter to the former, and have been, and am, happy in it.

May 27, Friday. In the time foresaid, I thought I would meet with a trial. It came just on the morrow, being my study day. The text I had in view for the Sabbath was that, "This cup is the new testament in my blood." And I had a great desire to be at it, that my soul might dip into the sweetness of it. But though in this case I set about it, God bound me up, it would not do with me. I could neither go forward in it, nor come off from it. Thus I spent that weary day, praying, thinking, striving to keep up my confidence that the Lord would help. My confidence in the Lord was tried now; and though I got it kept up better than ordinary in such a case, for some time; yet at length it was brought to a low ebb, and almost exhausted. In this weary time I got a seasonable letter from my friend, shewing my helpers were secured for me. So the Lord lightened my burden, while my strength was less, and also gave some new discovery that it is not in vain to trust him. About eight o'clock at night, another text was given me, namely, Heb. 10:22, "Let us draw near with a true heart, in full assurance of faith," &c. And then my heart was taken off the former. I was well guided to this, as pursuant to what I had been upon, since the man's sudden death at the park-foot; 2 Cor. 5:1, "We know that," &c.; and agreeable to what the Lord had been secretly teaching me, by experience, before. I studied the sermon on it to-morrow, which I preached on the Lord's day. On the Monday we kept the family-fast. I had not recovered my former frame; but, in reference to our prayers, was helped to believe that word; Matth. 7:7, "Ask, and it shall be given you," &c. I drove heavily in studying the communion sermon. This day I had a sweet while in confidence on the Lord as my God, grasping the promise over the belly of felt foolishness.

Wednesday, June 1.—On the 29th of May the sacrament was celebrated here. All the three days there was some rain; but on the Lord's day it was exceeding great, and greatest of all in the time of the tables; only it was fair weather in the time of the first two. Yet the Lord made it a great day of the gospel; assisted his ministers, and the

people generally, to very much composure, though several went away for fear of the rising of the waters. It was somewhat discouraging to me, in respect of the disturbance it might create to the people; but I was helped to submit to it as a trial to them and me. I cried to the Lord in the morning prayer, to preserve the people from bodily hurt; for there was a great wind with the rain; and I have not yet heard of any that was the worse of it; but some whom we suspected might be the worse, particularly a woman that had lately been ill of the flux, were well carried through, safe. Being warned by experience formerly, I was helped to hold off from two rocks I split upon at the last sacrament. One was concerning self-examination; whatever was done in it on the Monday, being the family fast-day, I set about it on the Saturday's night, got a humbling view of sin, and a satisfying view of the grace of God in me. The other was the mixing of my own spirit with influences from heaven. The danger from this quarter had been frightful to me, and in secret I had been remarkably carried out in prayer against it, and for a solid frame of spirit, and a feeling of what I was to speak. And indeed the Lord heard me, preserving me from that unhallowed mixture in the sermon, in some measure, and giving an unusual measure of solid, serious feeling, in the rest of the work, especially the invitation, (where influences begin to rise higher), the prayer for consecration of the elements, and the discourse at the table. In the sermon I had not the desired feeling. The elements after consecration being declared to be no more common bread and wine, but sacred symbols of the body and blood of Christ, I felt in my spirit a sensible change accordingly; I discerned the sacramental union of the signs and the thing signified, and was thereby let into a view of the mystical union. I saw it, I believed it, and I do believe it this day. I do not remember myself ever to have been so distinct in the view and faith of this glorious mystery; and that with application, for I do believe that Christ dwells in me by his Spirit, and I in him by faith. And the objection, How can this be? is silenced. I feel the sacrament of the supper to be a divine ordinance; I see it, and believe it. This is the second time I have most remarkably felt that change on my spirit, upon the declaring as above said. May I never miss to declare, as said is, in the administration of

that ordinance. In partaking I was helped to the exercise of faith, took God for my God in Christ, claimed him as my God, and laboured to improve the claimed interest, by believing the promises of the covenant, which was the scope of the action-sermon. My wife with the child in her belly, and the other children by name, I gave away to the Lord with myself. And having been in fear about my wife's death in the bringing forth of that child, I had there, in that solemn approach, a concern on my spirit about that case; but could not see it dangerous, whatever it may turn to after. This made me to hope, that a stolen dint (with profoundest reverence be it spoken) would not be taken of me. But yesterday, praying in these terms, in that case, that the Lord would not take a stolen dint, I durst not abide by that petition; thinking with myself, what if God keep the tormenting impressions of her death from off my spirit, is that unkind? So I knew not what to make of that petition, but left it to the Lord, to do as he saw best. My wife parted with the ministers the same day as never to see them more. At parting with Mr. Colden, he desired there might be no discouragement in her case. I told him I could not see the danger; and he told me, it was so with him too, with respect to that case. The sermon was more than two hours' long, which I think was too much. A certain gentleman said, it was above his capacity; upon which a minister (Mr. Colden) observing the need professors have to be better informed in the doctrine of the gospel, moved, that I should write practically on the doctrine of justification; which inclined me somewhat to publish the sermous on Phil. 3:3. A godly countryman told me, that he had not so much of that sermon to carry away as ordinary. I resolved to be shorter; and learned from these things, that however my gift seems to be plain, I have need of dependence on the Lord, even for plainness in treating of gospelmysteries. Satan was at my heels ere that work was over. Being surprised to hear singing of psalms in the kirk, and stunned to see the people running away into it, leaving the solemn work we were at; so that the rump of the meeting seemed only to remain, being in the south-west side of the church-yard; having sent one, and after that another, to stop that disorder; and it continuing still; I went and put a stop to it, with a sharpness, which no doubt irritated the brother

who was the cause of it. So we became snares to one another. And so quickly did my spirit go without bounds. I knew God was not the author of this confusion; but the way of my spirit in removing it was, and is, humbling upon reflection. It hung about me most heavily, till the whole day's work being over, I had occasion to shew him the sorrow of my heart, that Satan should so soon have got advantage against us, and to entreat him to join with me in withstanding the progress of this flame that the tempter had kindled; and hereunto the good man shewed all readiness. I have sometimes observed the Lord's being very gracious to me in matters of public management; but the keenness of my spirit, at the last synod, in the case of Mr. J. D. aforesaid, (though I dare not overlook the sensible help I had of the Lord in the management of that matter there; a matter nearly touching my conscience, and the welfare of many souls, which I know was the cause of God; in pleading of which, I was carried over all the impediments ordinarily arising from my weakness and natural temper; but when I saw a combination to run down the cause, my zeal, mixed with some fire from my own hearth, in the further management of it; my keenness of spirit, I say, in that matter,) and in this, shews me, that my natural modesty and diffidence is not a sufficient guard to my spirit, in public appearances, though they be very few. To thee, then, O Lord, I will look for it. That day's work was concluded with a most savoury sermon, by that brother, though he was out of humour when called to it. So the Lord can outshoot the devil in his own bow. When I was about to make this review, I found my spirit out of order; and finding the disorder of my natural spirits coutribute thereto, I went out, and walked, to refresh myself; then returned, and set to the work. It is heard to play, when the instrument is not in tune.

The week before the sacrament Satan stirred up the spirits of some neighbours against the work and me, apprehending there would be a great gathering, whereby their corn would suffer. And one of my few elders (from whom I have little help,) was at least a silent witness to the rage and spite. But the cloven foot was too visible, to discourage much. In a little time after the sacrament, the same person acted

with the same spirit of spite against me in another case. However, there was no complaint of the corn; whence I may know there was no ground, though indeed the company was great. At this time there were ten tables, though we used to have but about seven; and the tables were longer than ordinary, and people came from a far distance.

Having been taken with the design of Cross's Taghmical Art aforementioned, I would fain have understood it; but could never reach it to my satisfaction. The nature of the subject treated of, the indistinct way of the author's writing, and the false printing of the book, which was to a pitch, made the difficulty insuperable to me. What pains I was at before and about this time, to understand that book, and to gather the author's meaning, by comparing passages, may be seen in an octavo paper-book, whereof forty-four pages were written for that end, consisting mostly of excerpts, and partly of my own reasonings and conjectures thereon. but all to very little purpose; so that at length I laid the matter aside.

But the kind reception the "Everlasting Espousals" met with, whereof 1200 copies being printed, were mostly dispatched by the end of May, recovered my courage for publishing the "Fourfold State," which had sunk as aforesaid, And after some time spent in prayer about it and my wife's case, on June 16, I began on that view to transcribe it over again. The acceptance of the sermon appeared in the gathering aforesaid; and that very thing apprehended was the rise of all that rage above mentioned. I had encouraging testimonies about it, from the feeling of some godly ministers.

June 7.—This day the affair of Mr. J. D. aforesaid, which lay weighty on my spirit, had a happy issue, in a committee of the synod. And I having laid it over on the Lord before I went into the church, my heart was filled with thankfulness in the issue. My spirit also in the management of the matter, so far as I was concerned, was kept from what I was afraid of. It was good to keep the way of duty; for though we were generally ill looked on by others in that matter, the Lord

brought forth our righteousness as the noon-day; and there was not a man had a mouth to open in the cause that we were set against, ere all was done. I desire from this to learn to act faith in such matters, and with confidence in the promises to recommend them to the great Master of the vineyard.

July 8.—This day Mrs. Martin, spouse to Bailie Martin in Hawick, tenant in Crosslee, was buried. She came to this parish at Whitsunday, was present at the fast before the sacrament, but that night was seized with indisposition, which so increased that she had no access to be witness to more of that work. I saw her on the Tuesday after, much broken with that dispensation; for she was a godly woman, and minded to have partaken. Her case grew worse till she sickened unto death, having a bloody flux; in the time of which she miscarried; and the flux continuing on the tenth day from the birth of the child in the seventh month, she died. In the time of her sickness, on many accounts, her case lay very near my heart, and I was full of hopes that the Lord had not sent the good woman to die here. Her coming hither was by several in this parish looked on with an evil eye, according to their uncharitable, selfish disposition, &c. So that foolish I thought the honour of God was almost engaged for her life. And her death was an astonishing dispensation to me, calling to eye sovereignty, which challengeth a latitude. Besides, my hopes in her case miscarrying, quite perplexed my hopes as to the case of my own wife. I had been preaching on contentment for some Sabbaths; and Sabbath the 17th of this month, being our marriage-day, and her reckoning out on the 15th, that 17th day was of a terrible prospect to me. Wherefore yesterday I gave myself unto prayer, to entreat the Lord for her, and to provide for the worst; and came away with that, namely, That God will do the best.

On Saturday, July 9, my wife had some pains, and also on the Sabbath morning; at which time I had thoughts of sending for the midwife. I went to prayer, which produced some reluctancy to it; and thereafter my wife shewing her unwillingness, I easily yielded, being the Lord's day. Afterwards in prayer my heart was fully calmed in

that matter, that all would be well for that time. And so it was. But next morning betwixt twelve and one I sent off the lad for the midwife, who was at the distance of about eighteen miles.

July 27.—On Friday the 15th of that month, my wife was delivered of a daughter, about one after noon, our last child, called Katharine; who, on the the 20th, was baptized by my friend Mr. Wilson. The day before, I studied my sermons for the Lord's day, and giving some directions against discontent, some things came so pat to my feared case, that I was astonished somewhat with it. I was brought in that matter to a resignation unto the will of God; and having been helped, by the sermons on contentment, to believe that all that God does is best done, (which I bless God has now, for a considerable time, been much on my spirit,) I often left it on the Lord in these terms, that he would do the best, without determining one way or other. And behold he has heard my prayer, and hitherto wrought the deliverance very graciously. I see the way of trusting in God at all times, with positive resolutions, not to distrust him, whatever he will do with us, (which was much the language of my heart, and lips too, at that time), is the true way to rest, in the time of doubtful events, and also to get one's will. I myself have been several times, on this occasion, taking a view of death; and I have found, that faith in God through Christ makes another world not quite strange. I have seen so much of late, how God baffles hopes and fears that my spirit seems disposed to leave all to the Lord; et nec sperare nec cxtimescere, sie exarmaveris;—neither to fear nor hope, but according to God's promises and threatenings.

Being invited to assist at the sacrament in Morbattle and Maxton, the one immediately after the other, which appeared inconvenient for me; the which Mr. Wilson considered; but I wrote to him, that I was content the Lord should lead, and I follow; and therefore that he should not incommode the work for me. And I saw in end that he guided better than I could, if I had had my will. So I went from home, August 5, and returned not till August 18. When I was going away, and to leave my wife lately delivered, and my family, I was helped to

apply the promise made to the Israelites going up to the solemn feasts, with respect to the safety of their families left behind; and it stuck with me while I was abroad. And indeed it was accomplished to me far beyond my expectation: being, upon my return, quite surprised with the case of my wife's health, which had advanced to the degree I could not have looked for; there being something preternatural in her case when I left her, which I judged could not miss to weaken her exceedingly; but the event was quite otherwise. That day I rode to Morbattle, I met with a man providentially, and the water being great beyond expectation, I got a fright by it, as it was; but had I been alone, the event might have been dangerous. I preached at Morbattle on Saturday the 6th, and Sabbath the 7th of August, from Rev. 21:22, "And I saw no temple there." On the Monday two of the elders there desired a copy of the sermons transcribed, insinuating their design to print them; which I took to consideration. On Wednesday thereafter I preached in Oxnam parish; on the Thursday, Saturday, and Lord's day afternoon, at Maxton; on the two last days from the text just mentioned; Rev. 21:22; and for some time had thoughts of preparing the whole for the press.* I hope the Lord owned all these sermons, but that on the Saturday at Maxton seemed to me most countenanced of God. For my private case, I had not guided well at Morbattle. So on the Thursday thereafter, in Mr. Wilson's prayer and confession, I got a broad view of the corruption of my nature; which afterwards in secret proceeded to that, that I thought it needless (so to speak) to confess particulars, being ready to cry, Guilty, to whatsoever the broad law of God forbiddeth. But after that, my running issue (as Mr. Wilson termed it in his action-sermon) broke out, so that on Lord's day morning at Muirhouselaw I was in a dreadful case, in the fields there. At which time, in the great bitterness of my spirit, that word came; 1 Cor. 6:9–11, "Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you; but ye are washed, but ye are sanctified, but ye are

justified in the name of the Lord Jesus, and by the Spirit of our God." I walked up and down with the Bible in my hand opened at that place, holding it towards heaven, as God's own word, pleading and improving it, for the cleansing of my vilest soul. O how seasonable a support was it to my fainting soul! Mr. Wilson's great sermon of the good news brought in the gospel, from Luke 2:10, was as balm to a wounded soul, and good news from a far country. And there I put all in Christ's hand.

While I was abroad, the news of the invasion came, and a bond of association contrived by some honest people at Edinburgh, to resist with armed force, came to my hand for our parish, and the whole country was astir that way. But on the Monday morning, August 15, an express came to me, calling me to Dunse, to my brother's burial; and on the morrow there I found, that the proceeding in that association was stopped from court, the invasion being found to be laid aside for the time. Here I saw the favourable conduct of Providence, in carrying and keeping me so long abroad; for I had good ground to think, that our parish would have given the association but very cold entertainment; not from any other cause but their selfish principle and disposition. As to the invasion, I was afraid of myself, for that I could not be afraid of it.

At these two communions I preached, as I have already said, on Rev. 21:22, a text that for many years I had in view. When I began it, I expected little of it but a sermon for Sabbath afternoon. But all that about the preciousness of the ordinances came forth to me in the breaking.

Now the oath of abjuration was in hand again, being to be imposed with some alterations, which I saw. Being much hurried with business after I came home, but getting one free day, I set myself to seek the Lord in that matter, and took it again under consideration. The result of all which was, that it seemed to me like the house with the leprosy in the walls, under the law, that nothing could cleanse but the pulling down of the walls. So a meeting of nonjurors being

appointed at M. August 30, I went thither, purely out of conscience towards God, to discharge my conscience in that matter. And Providence opened my way to it through iron gates; for when I took my horse, I knew not what I was to do, to go, or come back; but the Lord cleared my way.

About the latter end of August, the rebellion having broke out, the King's army began to draw towards Stirling. On the 28th I closed my sermons on the ten commandments in the forenoon, which were begun about two years before, and which I often feared, through the difficulty of the times, I should not have had occasion to finish. I bless God who led me to that subject, where I met with things, which otherwise, through the course of many years' preaching, would hardly have come in the way. It gives great ease to my heart upon reflection. In the afternoon, for the case of the times, I entered on that text; Isa. 32:2, "And a man shall be—as the shadow of a great rock in a weary land." Next Sabbath, being September 4, in my sermon, I took occasion, not only to shew the people their danger, but to excite them to a due concern for religion and liberty, and to be ready to act in defence thereof. But not very long after, I found that all was but as the sounding again of the mountains, the lying stories of enemies so prevailing, that the reflection of some that seemed to be somewhat was, that I was more afraid than I needed. Finding the heart-staying doctrine of that text was unseasonable, because not needed, (I mean not to make no exception at all, I believe it was seasonable to some, though very very few), I was obliged to cut it short; and on Sabbath, September 25, entered on Amos 4:12, "Therefore thus will I do unto thee, O Israel; and because I will do this unto thee, prepare to meet thy God, O Israel." And upon this I dwelt for several months of the public confusions. Sabbath, October 2, in the morning, I received a a letter from one of the lieutenantdeputes for our shire, with an intimation for all betwixt sixteen and sixty to rendezvous at Selkirk on the 6th, and desiring me to send the roll of these to the review. I called for one reckoned the most judicious of our elders, and proposed to him a meeting of the parish at the kirk on the 4th; which he quickly agreed to. I desired him to

speak with some others, and give me notice ere I went into the pulpit, if it was their mind that the parish should meet, that I might warn them from the pulpit. The intimation being read by the precentor, I exhorted accordingly; and having received notice as above said, I intimated the meeting. When they met on the 4th, I told them, I would not take it on me to make a roll of the fencible men, but proposed to them to make it themselves. Accordingly it was done, and I gave them my roll; out of which they made another, casting out and putting in as the meeting thought fit; but I wrote it. When this work began, I foreboded my ease in this place (which never was great) to be at an end; they usually wreaking themselves on the ministers as the cause of all public evils. I was not out in my conjectures; for accordingly they gave themselves the loose, and that very night I heard of burning my house, &c., upon the account of that day's work. However, on the morrow I drew up an address for them, and went towards Selkirk, the place of the review, to help them all I could. Next day, within two miles of the place, several of the parish being in company the elder aforesaid, who also was present at the making of the roll, fell on me bitterly in that matter. And there was not a man that had a mouth to open in my behalf, in all the company, except one servant, who (as he told me) spoke to him secretly; but another told me, he heard me reflected on upon that score. I saw myself hardly bestead, and evil rewarded for good; and therefore desired them to meet me in the town, further to consider of the matter. There while I was sitting with them, in great distress, not knowing what to do, and not having as yet entered on the business, I was called to speak with one in another room; with whom conversing, being a brother of the presbytery, I found the review of his parish had been made without a roll. Thus Providence most seasonably discovered a way to extricate me out of this perplexity; and calling for the roll from the clerk, I secretly burnt it, shewing them I would rather undergo censure from others, than fill their hearts with prejudice against me, to whom I must preach next Lord's day: and giving them the address, I left them, and went to the presbytery, which (unknown to me before) met that day; for I had no other design in the town that day, but to see their business managed

equitably. The issue was, all the rest of the parishes called thither that day were reviewed, and the rolls produced; ours was called; but none were in the town when called, except a few, none of whom answered.

The southern army of rebels being a-forming, several went through our parish in their way to the appointed place. On Saturday, Oct. 8, their general, with seven or eight with him, lodged at C——m and C ——e, and the standard with them, which fell as they were riding by T. barn-yard. On the Monday's night lodged the Earl of Winton at M ——p, and about as many with him. On the Tuesday, while I was at T. I saw seventeen pass by. The water being exceeding great, I was in fear they would lodge about the kirk all night. So being in concern for my family, I made after them; but being come to R. I saw them on the other side, and was thankful. On the Thursday we were alarmed with their new army's being at Moffat; and at night a brother whom they had taken prisoner by the way, but dismissed again, came to my house, and told us, they were on their way to Dumfries. Which made us fear blood there that night, the country about having gone into the town to resist them. The rebels not daring to attack them, turned eastward. But all this did not awaken us.

The highlanders having landed at North Berwick the latter end of this week, an intimation was made on Sabbath, the 16th, by the lieutenant-depute's orders, intreating all to meet at Kelso, with their best arms, on the morrow, to receive orders, so as the country might be defended. And I had a letter from one of them, to come on the head of our parish, to the place where our shire was to meet, that they might go together to Kelso, being I was to go to the synod, which met on Tuesday the 18th. I exhorted the people, and read to them Prov. 24:11, 12. "If thou forbear to deliver them that are drawn unto death, and those that are ready to be slain; if thou sayest, Behold, we knew it not; doth not he that pondereth the heart consider it? and he that keepeth thy soul, doth not he know it? and shall not he render to every man according to his works?" Judges 5:14–23, "Out of Ephraim was there a root of them against Amalek; after thee,

Benjamin, among thy people: out of Machir came down governors, and out of Zebulun they that handle the pen of the writer. And the princes of Issachar were with Deborah; even Issachar, and also Barak, he was sent on foot into the valley; for the divisions of Reuben there were great thoughts of heart. Why abodest thou among the sheep-folds, to hear the bleatings of the flocks? for the divisions of Reuben there were great searchings of heart. Gilead abode beyond Jordan; and why did Dan remain in ships? Asher continued on the sea-shore, and abode in his breaches. Zebulun and Naphtali were a people that jeoparded their lives unto death, in the high places of the field. The kings came and fought, then fought the kings of Canaan in Tanaach by the waters of Megiddo, they took no gain of money. They fought from heaven, the stars in their courses fought against Sisera. The river of Kishon swept them away, that ancient river, the river Kishon; O my soul, thou hast trodden down strength. Then were the horse-hoofs broken by the means of the prancings, the prancings of their mighty ones." I went off on Monday, but not one person more out of the parish; nay, I could not have so much as an elder to go to the synod. The rebels who were at Hawick, on the Lord's day, were expected on the Monday at Selkirk; so I knew not whether I could get to Kelso or not. However, I resolved, if possible, to be there. And from that time the Lord graciously gave me an unusual courage, which continued with me always till the danger was over, and I came home; and then my spirit returned to its ordinary. I met with no trouble that day, nor did the rebels come to Selkirk at that time.

On Tuesday the 18th, when I went into Kelso, the horse were out to observe the enemy, and the town was looking for their approach to attack them, for they were at Jedburgh the night before. People from all corners, and from our neighbouring parish of Yarrow particularly, had come in to the help of the Lord against the mighty; which made me ashamed, considering that there was none of ours there. The thoughts of the synod's meeting, and the sermon, were given over for that day at least, in respect of these circumstances; and it cost Mr. Wilson and me no little struggle ere we could obtain them; which at length, with much difficulty, we did, about three in the afternoon,

being desirous to be found in the way of duty, whatever should happen. The synod appointed a committee to draw up a warning against the present rebellion; who meeting that night, and discoursing a little on it, left it on me to prepare a draught thereof; but I refused it, not daring to undertake it, from a real persuasion of my unfitness for it. So when the synod met next day, there was nothing done in that affair. Whereupon the synod appointed Mr. Ramsay and me forthwith to withdraw, and bring in one; which, with much reluctancy, for my own part, I obeyed. So we brought in a paper; in the framing of which, it was acknowledged, with the no small joy of several brethren, that the Lord had honoured me to do good service to the church. It passed with little difficulty, in respect of the present circumstances. O that I could learn from this, not to shift occasions of doing service, when I am called thereto, though it may appear a burden too heavy for my shoulders? The synod rising that day, I came off in the afternoon; but immediately my horse failed; and with much difficulty getting to Mackerston, I was obliged to hire another there to carry me to Maxton. It was as plain to me, as if written with a sunbeam, that God was, by that, contending with me for a heart-sin hid from all the world, namely, the misgiving of my treacherous heart, upon those pieces of service the Lord honoured me with at the synod; for though Mr. Wilson's zeal did excite me much to the former, and the cowardly weakness of my heart frightened me from the latter, till I was in some sort compelled to it; yet when they have done, such was the base weakness of my spirit, that I could not carry even under the same, but wofully miscarried through vanity, as if poor I had been somewhat. But thanks be to a good God, that quickly pursued me, till I was laid low again. This is not the first time, that, on such occasions, I have fallen into this shameful sin, and quickly have been rebuked for it. I desire, in time coming, to watch on such occasions, if ever I have more, which God may justly deny me. The enemies passed on Tuesday toward Northumberland, not coming near Kelso. So the people dropped away. When I came home, I found, that a report having come that day I went away, that the rebels were coming down Tima, several were in no small consternation and confusion; but by kind

providence, it was kept from my wife's knowledge till the fright was over; wherein I could not but observe the Lord's hand eminent. The army aforesaid having joined the Northumberland rebels, and the highlanders having come from Lothian, and all joined together, they came to Kelso on Saturday the 22d.

Sabbath, October 23.—I read the paper aforesaid, according to appointment, before the congregation; enlarged on the particulars, and laid before them the singularity of their carriage, in the present conjuncture; which was the more heavy to me, in respect of my circumstances concerning the oath. This week one came running, and another riding full speed to me, telling me the highlanders were at Thirlestane; whereupon presently I went up the brook, and then towards the head of the hill, my family being in great distress, expecting to be plundered. A little after, one came and told me, it was a false alarm; but in my eyes it was a kind providence that I was tried with a false alarm, before I should get a true one. Next Sabbath, being the 30th, upon a report that the rebels were coming our way toward the west, I was advised to set watches in time of sermon. Accordingly one was set on E. hill, another on R. hill. The Lord gave a calm within, and there was no disturbance from without. Sabbath, November 6, an order from the general, inviting men to the king's service, was read. I sat till it was done; but knowing it would be in vain as to us, as it was, I said nothing. The issue of it was, that I found I had the concern of religion in the war to teach again; which gave occasion to these notes in the sermons, p. 72, app. No. 2.

Sabbath, November 13.—The which day the battle of Dumblane was fought; and that day also they fought at Preston, beginning on the Saturday; but it was the Monday at noon ere all was over. The said day an order was read for our parish to set out four militiamen. The letter about it came not to me, till I was in the pulpit; but the sermons were so pat to the emergent, that not having the desired effect, they proved irritating; which shortly after I felt. Now they could shift no longer; so they went about it, not owning me in the least in it, nor I them. Only notes of the sermon were invidiously

used against me. The four men they hired all out of the parish, except one, who had been a while in it. Masters and servants, and old men, all paid alike 5s. 6d. sterling, which occasioned great clamour. And being singular in this, beyond all their neighbours, the managers were ashamed of it. My servant being called among the rest, I found means to shew them, that I thought he was not obliged to pay. But about the 22d or 23d of November, a constable, with three militiamen, came to my house, and, by orders, they said, from a principal heritor of the parish, demanded the militia money for my servant, and my son, (not fourteen years of age); and, failing him, for myself. And they shewed me the roll, wherein I saw my son and servant's name. I told them, that I regarded no such orders Thus my shewing them their duty, was resented with sufficient contempt. The servant paid. That day I left them at Selkirk, I made an overture to the Presbytery, that ministers should contribute to the raising of men for the support of the government; which being fallen in with by them, was ordered to be laid before the synod; and I spoke to a man with that view. But the synod, at that time, saw it not needful to go into it. That morning I went off to the synod, I did secretly advise Tushilaw to call the heads of the parish, (seeing I was so unacceptable to them in these matters), and counsel them to look to themselves, and offer some men to the government voluntarily. But this advice was rejected by him. So I would heartily have given of my money in a suitable way, but to be compelled thereto, and that by them, was what I could not comply with.

Being wrestled out of breath with the parish, in this time it began to sit down on my spirit very much, beyond what it had done formerly, that I was very unfit for them, and that they would require a man of another temper. And the first day of December being the last day for the oath, after which I could not preach more with the countenance of authority according to law, I began to be very apprehensive, that my work in this place was near an end. And several things concurred to the strengthening of it. On the last Sabbath of November, being the 27th, I fell on that part of the text, namely, preparation for trials, which, though the main thing I had in view when I chose that text,

yet providence kept me off till then, several things coming forth in the breaking, very seasonable. When I was about to study that sermon, consulting former notes, I was somewhat moved to find, that that was the last subject I handled at Simprin before the farewell sermon. November 8, was the first diet for examination, which day proved so stormy, that I could not get out. On the 10th, in another place I had a diet, when I was attended but with one man, and a few women and children. In other three places after, it was not very much better. My wife was much of the same apprehension as I, and observed that I preached as when I was to leave Simprin. My getting through the ten commands looked like my getting through those subjects I was on in the last months I was in that place. And my present circumstances answered to the uneasiness I had from neighbours, ere I left that place. What the Lord's design in these things is, I know not yet; but in my circumstances they could hardly miss to make some impression.

Dec 1.—Being the last day for taking the oath, I spent some time in fasting and prayer, I found my courage for suffering was not such as on the former occasion of this oath. Though I could not ward off the thoughts of that foresaid, yet I desiderated such an impression of the thing as might make me speak to them as about to leave them; therefore I begged to be led of God, whether I saw or not, as he had led me to my amazement, for some time past, and so left it on him. At night my natural spirits being sunk, I was sore broken and discouraged, seeing the law so hard upon the one hand, and the parish on the other. This held me under for three days following. That same night, I think, the Lord made my wife, being sick, and unable to converse, to speak two words in season to me. I told her, that I found I had not courage for suffering, &c. Her answer was, You need it not yet. My heart, said I, is alienated from this place. She answered, It seems there is need for it. This matter of the oath I altogether kept up from the people, looking for no sympathy, by the discovery of it, but affliction upon my affliction, if they should know of it, as I got the last time I had this trial. Some time before the last sacrament, being asked news, I told the elder aforesaid, it was said

the abjuration-oath would be imposed again. His answer was, "I think we must even let you all do as ye like, and strive to know Christ and him crucified;" as if we had been seeking it, or had no conscience, but as guided by them.

Sabbath Dec. 4.—Thus shattered and broken in body and spirit, I preached my first sermon in my now circumstances; but recovered somewhat ere I came out of the pulpit. That very same day, Mr. Taylor, who has made a new schism, preached in Eskdalemoor, got several of this parish to hear him, and those such as were not wont to wander, whatever number he had of others formerly of another temper. At night I heard of two now deserters said to be broke off from me, one whereof I was told broke off on account of my meddling in the rolls aforesaid. The burden of the parish lies on me alone, having no tolerable support of my interest in it, from any. And the word not having efficacy on people's consciences, and those of the schism being in every corner of it, it is little wonder poor I am unable to stem the tide. I have for some time been much afraid of being cast over the hedge; but otherwise an honourable discharge from him who sent me hither, has often been beautiful in my eyes. But when I think on leaving them, the case they will apparently run into in these circumstances, is terrible to me. So I am tossed as from one sharp rock upon another every way.

The conduct of Providence in leading me in my preaching, in this place, has often been remarkable; but never more so than of late amidst these discouragements. Since the 4th of September that I preached first to stir up the people as above said, what day the lecture fell, Jer. 4 where we had a most lively description of the calamities of war, &c. I have often been amazed to see the Lord leading me in lectures and sermons, in my ordinary, so pat to the dispensations of the day, as they fell out one after another, and to my own case with the parish, that I could not but say, This is the finger of God. The Sabbath after the rendezvous at Selkirk, the lecture fell Jer. 9; the Sabbath after the victories; Jer. 15; the Sabbath after the oath; Jer. 17; and few days there were, wherein was not something

most seasonable in them, as may appear by comparing what is noted above with the order of the chapters, allowing one to each Sabbath. As for the sermons, I have dated, that before the battles, November 6, and that on the very day of the battles, November 13. This has been no small stay and support to my heart.

As to the Fourfold State, though, the rebellion breaking out, I saw there was no access to publish it; yet I went on, (as the time would allow), and by the 21st of November had the three first states transcribed, minding to do no more till I see what comes of that. I have often and again committed it to the Lord, and for preservation particularly that day foresaid, if he has any use for it. For now it has been, and often is heavy to me, that the season of publishing it is slipt; and the confusion of the times has made me afraid of the losing of the copy; and, to my apprehension, the fittest season for publishing it is gone. Only I know the Lord has before this served his own holy wise ends, by my folly, cowardice, and bastard modesty, in his cause. I have formerly related how the design was stopped when I went in to Edinburgh, to get it put to the press. It was indeed an ungrateful advice given to me in the time; but the thing being so feasible, I thought I could not in modesty resist it. The kind reception the printed sermon got, recovered my courage and resolution for the book; though some professors of this parish, my constant hearers, thought it not enough to slight that sermon when printed, but not obscurely shewed their grudge and indignation against it, on no other reason I can divine, but that they grudge any thing tending to my reputation. In the transcribing, several things are left out, with a design to shorten it, some few things put in, scripture-texts filled up that were only cited before, a great many expressions altered, and the copy divided into chapters or sections, or what else may be thought meet to call them. And for these causes I undertook the transcribing of it. It was a remark of Mr. Flint's on the state of grace, that the texts cited were often not filled up. And an observe of Mr. Halyburton's, in the Memoirs of his life, namely, That when he found the word had done good, it was usually God's own word in the scripture, brought in in his sermons, carried that remark home on my conscience which

Mr. Flint had made. And by this means I suppose it will be found little shorter, if any thing at all, than formerly. I heard no more of the sermons at Morbattle, the rebellion breaking out soon after.

In the first week of January, 1716, I was, by the good hand of God upon me, moved yet again, to attempt inquiring into what Mr. Cross calls the Taghmical Art, viz. the sacred stigmatology, or accentuation of the Hebrew Bible. And having by prayer addressed the Father of lights expressly on that particular, he was graciously pleased to help me afterwards therein, to my great satisfaction. And I came to be persuaded of its being of so great use for underderstanding the holy scriptures, that, it being a time of great confusions, I was satisfied I might have full peace within myself, to be found by public troubles in the study thereof.

And here began the most busy time of my life, which continued while my strength lasted.

Jan. 16.—Being on my way to Edinburgh, on the account of a project on foot for clearing the nonjurors to the government, daylight failed us between the Craig and Blackhouse, there was a drift in our face, and we were in fear of wandering; yet came safe to Blackhouse, almost senseless with the stress. While I went up that burn, walking, not daring to ride, that word, "Lord, thou preservest man and beast, how precious is thy grace! Therefore in shadow," &c., was sweet and encouraging. There was no proceeding in the journey for the storm; so coming back again on the morrow, I wondered how we had got through in the night in that case, having so much ado with it in the day-light.

After I had ended my ordinary on Amos 4:12, "Prepare to meet thy God," &c., before I had access so much as to enter on another, there began a distress in our parish, by a storm, such as they had not felt for forty-two years before. And this led me to a new ordinary, viz. Rom. 8:22, "For the whole creation groaneth and travaileth in pain together until now." I entered on it, Jan. 22, and continued till March

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