Chapter Ix. The Defect Of Family Religion, And The Lack Of Connexion Of The Minister’S Family With His Work.
CHAPTER IX. THE DEFECT OF FAMILY RELIGION, AND THE LACK OF CONNEXION OF THE MINISTER’S FAMILY WITH HIS WORK.
The qualifications of a Christian Bishop apply to the lower orders of the Ministry. And not among the least important are those which mark the Minister in his family. ‘A family’ (as Quesnel beautifully observes) ‘is a small diocese, in which the first essays are made of the Episcopal and Ecclesiastical zeal, piety, and prudence.’ 693 If therefore “a man does not know how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the Church of God?” 694 For he cannot reasonably expect to perform in his parish the work which he has not cared to accomplish at home. The mark set upon Eli’s family illustrates the necessity of the regulation that an elder must be one “having faithful children.” 695 Though he cannot convey grace to his children, at least he can enforce restraint, and acquit himself of the guilt of “honouring his sons before God.” 696 He can inculcate in them the responsibility to promote his Ministry by consistent conduct—thus ‘adorning not only their Christian profession, but their parent’s principles; and showing that the principles of their
DEFECT OF FAMILY RELIGION. 155
father’s house and Ministry are the rule of their conduct, and their real delight.’ 697
Mr. Herbert’s ‘Country Parson 698 is very exact in the governing of his house, making it a copy and a model for his parish. His family is a school of religion.’ This opens a wide field; including daily family worship—the whole circle of family instruction—the principles of education, essentially upon a scriptural basis—the regulation of conversational habits—all bearing a concurrent testimony to the doctrine of the pulpit in its fullest detail. Habits of order also form an important part of this Christian model—doing everything at its proper time—keeping everything to its proper use—putting everything in its proper place. Regularity in the payment of bills, and a strict avoiding of debts—are here worthy of high consideration. With respect to children—we must be careful to exhibit a clear practical illustration of the rules of order, submission, and indulgence, which we give to our people. How many of us in this point are wise for others, and yet unwise for ourselves! Perhaps nowhere are we so liable to self-deception, or so little open to conviction, as in the management of children. The importance of order also in the regulation of our servants is most obvious. Let them not be overburdened. A trifle spent in procuring additional help will often prevent irritation, confusion, and what is more than all, the necessary loss of the private duties of religion. Let conscientious attendance to these duties be encouraged—allowance be made for infirmities—patience and forbearance be constantly maintained—sympathy be shown in all their trials and difficulties—and family reading be followed by individual instruction. Thus let our Ministry pervade the lower departments of the household, considering every member of the house as having an interest in their temporal welfare, and being responsible for the care of their immortal souls.
Bishop Hooper’s palace was as if we ‘entered into some church or temple. In every corner of it there was some smell of virtue, good example, honest conversation, and reading of Holy Scripture.’ 699 Of Mr. Joseph Alleine (an admirable pastor) it is said that, as he walked about the house, he would make some spiritual use of everything that occurred, and his lips dripped like honey-comb to all that were about him.700 Philip Henry’s family economy exhibited the most beautiful display of patriarchal godliness, simplicity,
156 VIEW OF THE CHRISTIAN MINISTRY
and order—“commanding his children and household after him, that they should keep the way of the Lord, to do judgment and justice.” 701 These are fine models of a domestic Minister—the pastor of “the Church in his own house.”
A Minister is indeed “a city set upon a hill, that cannot be hidden.” He must expect not only his personal character, but his household arrangements—the conduct of his wife, the dress and habits of his children and servants, his furniture, and his table—to be the subject of a most scrutinizing observation. Thus the correctness of our family system becomes to a great extent the standard of our parish; while its inconsistencies too often furnish excuses for the neglect of duty, or the positive indulgence of sin. The detail of family religion is also a component part of our Ministry; inculcating principles of parental restraint and dutiful subjection—of constant instruction and superintendence—of precept illustrated by example—and of the daily exercise of Christian self-denial, holiness, cheerfulness, and love. Now, as men are influenced much more by what they see than by what they hear, if the parsonage does not show the pattern as well as the doctrine, exhortations from there will only excite the ridicule of the ungodly, and confirm them in their habits of sin. How different our parochial influence must be, where the several members of our families appear as servants of God, or as the children of this world! Often a worldly stamp upon the domestic economy has utterly paralyzed the power of a faithful Ministration, even with the seal of personal consistency.702 It is therefore of great moment to repress all expensive habits, over attention to ornament, and every mark of “the course of this world’s” pleasure or vanity—not only or chiefly on the ground of pecuniary inconvenience, but from their injurious impressions on our people.
THE MINISTER’S WIFE. 157
The Apostle notices the example of the Minister’s wife in gravity, self-control, sobriety of deportment, and faithful exhibition of relative and public duties, in connexion with our great object.703 And this is considered of such importance that ‘in the Protestant churches of Hungary, they degrade a pastor whose wife indulges in cards, dancing, or any other public amusements, which suggest the gaiety of a lover of the world rather than the gravity of a Christian matron. This severity springs from the supposition that the woman, having promised obedience to her husband, can do nothing except what he either directs or approves. Hence they conclude, that—example having a greater weight than precept—the wife of a Minister, if she is inclined to the world, will preach worldly compliance with more success by her conduct, than her husband can preach the renunciation of the world by the most solemn discourses.’ 704
But—besides this domestic consistency—there is an added obligation of direct subservience to our great work. It was well said by one whose completeness of Ministration gave just weight to his remark that ‘a clergyman’s family, house, occupations, and everything connected with him, should be consistent; and all family arrangements should be subordinate to his ‘parochial duties,’ 705 (of course with due regard to prudent considerations) so as to allow the largest scope for the various exercises of his pastoral work.
How momentous, therefore, is the responsibility of the Minister’s married choice! Apart from the Scriptural rule of a Christian’s decision—“Only in the Lord” 706—there are motives of a less selfish character that should influence his determination. The tone of his Ministry will be formed, or moulded, by this critical change of circumstances. He will not be the man he was: he will be under the constraint of new inclinations and principles of action.707 ‘Many immortal souls’—as an aged Minister reminded a younger brother on this matter—‘are deeply interested in the step which you are now taking.’ And in truth—if his flock is not benefited by this new relation, it must suffer loss. Even a godly connexion without
158 VIEW OF THE CHRISTIAN MINISTRY
experience, sympathy, or helpfulness (whether arising from natural, adventitious or spiritual causes) must cripple his energies; and he will be less of a Minister than before—less excited, less interested, less unfettered, less efficient.708 Surely therefore, if he were to stamp his every act not only with the impress of a Christian, but with the high dignity, singleness, and elevation of his sacred office—then how much more is this act [of marriage] the crisis of his course, and the grand momentum of his future operations! If the sense of his awful responsibility has ever awakened the complaint—“I am not able to bear all this people alone, because it is too heavy for me,” may he not expect in the course of Providence, and in answer to prayer, the gift of one who may stand to him as the seventy elders of Israel stood to Moses—endued with his spirit, for the express purpose of “bearing the burden of the people with him, that he not bear it alone?” 709 There is, or ought to be, this difference between a Christian and a Ministerial choice. A Christian wants a helpmeet for himself—a Minister wants a yoke-fellow in his work, for his people as well as for himself. It cannot be doubted that our work has been greatly weakened by the dissociation of the Minister’s wife from the service of God. In every sphere, there are departments particularly fitted for her. Circumstances of propriety often (as in the female department of instruction) hinder the Minister from embracing the whole extent of his sphere. Added to which, a press of labour, and the distraction of a multitude of interfering engagements, demands the counsel and active services of a true yoke-fellow. A mistake therefore made in the original choice of a partner, and a lack of sense about female responsibility,710 leaves much
THE MINISTER’S WIFE 159
of the ground unbroken, or imperfectly cultivated; and much of the promise of an abundant harvest is blighted. There is indeed no control over maternal responsibility. But may not time (the extent of which indeed conscience must determine) be redeemed for the work of the Lord, without entrenching711 upon other most imperative claims? Should not the wife aspire to the honour of being a spiritual as well as a natural mother? Should she have no connexion with her husband’s spiritual family? Should she not desire to be a partner of his Ministry, as well as of his life? Is she content, by withdrawing from his public work, to share but half his sympathy, to bear but a very small portion of his burdens? Her characteristic should be that main feature of the gospel—a disciple of the cross. In uniting herself to a Christian Minister, she has bound herself to his work and to his cross; and she must expect—as far as she appears by her husband’s side—not only to sympathize, but to actually share in the double measure of hardness, misrepresentation, and reproach, portioned out to the faithful servant of God—trials that will exercise all that love, humility, patience, and self-denial that constitute the spirit of the cross. Nothing connected with her can be neutral. A cold indifference to the advancement of her husband’s Ministry, or to the line of conduct best adapted to strengthen his interest—or even weariness of his work, must clog the wheels of the machine instead of supplying oil for its accelerated progress. Any lack also of kindness or consideration on her part widens the distance between the pastor and his flock; and it restrains much Ministerial communication which would have been productive of mutual advantage. On the other hand, a natural spirit of conciliation, and a flow of sympathy, freely draws out much that would otherwise have been restrained;712 and an additional bond of reciprocal attachment is thus formed between the father and his numerous family. Thus the confidence of the female part of our charge is obtained—opening to us a most interesting medium of pastoral intercourse, and a most valuable pledge of permanent and extensive fruit. Indeed the weight of female responsibility has sometimes sustained the dignity and usefulness of the office, even where the Minister’s personal character has been under a cloud; and in some instances it may be
160 VIEW OF THE CHRISTIAN MINISTRY
doubted whether the pastor or his wife 713 was the more useful in their respective labours. It is important, however, that in the general system each should keep to their own department. Interference hurts the independence, and weakens the influence of both. But happy indeed is the pastor whose partner is thus the mother of his people, as well as the director and guardian in his family. He must be happy indeed, in offering his grateful acknowledgment for this special mercy to himself and to his flock.
May the Writer be permitted further to suggest that the pastor’s family worship—like the edifying exercises of Philip Henry 714 and Mr. Scott 715—should bear the character of a daily Ministration? A spiritual habit of prayer and meditation, however, is needed to render this social worship an enriching means of instruction. We must guard against formality. We must keep faith and expectation alive as the spring of life. An occasional mixture of catechetical instruction will give a useful variety to the course. Large portions of Scripture also would encourage and direct a more diligent and extended search of the sacred field. A large heart in intercessory prayer—embracing the universal church, and the necessities of a fallen world—is of the highest moment. The full expansion of this exercise of love inculcates upon our families important practical obligations, and introduces them into a sphere of privileged usefulness.
This Ministration, however, obviously includes something beyond the formal routine—familiar, close, and affectionate exhortation—a circle of instruction—that might profitably extend beyond the bounds of the parsonage, to any who were willing to make use of the advantage. The mere reading of an exposition, however excellent, scarcely rises to the responsibility of this service; nor is it likely to impress. For no external aid can supply, in the manner or matter of address, that adaptation to the different shades of character, and the ever-varying circumstances of the family, what seems necessary to make the daily repetition of the social worship interesting. The family use of Mr. Scott’s Commentary was probably intended chiefly for the assistance of the laity, or (in the clerical use of the work) to supply solid and useful materials for free exposition. The Ministerial qualification—“apt to teach”—and the character of “a scribe instructed for the kingdom of heaven,”
LACK OF FAITH. 161
suppose he is able to “bring things new and old out of our treasury,” for daily as well as Sabbath Ministrations.716 Oh! how we need the spirit of prayer, and the active habit of faith, to maintain our watchfulness in “not neglecting,” and our diligence in “stirring up” for daily use “the gift of God that is in us by the laying on of hands!” 717 Every fresh exercise links us to our people with “a cord” of reciprocal feeling that “is not quickly broken.”718 It opens their hearts to the reception, and the more established enjoyment, of the truth. Every sphere of parochial labour thus becomes an overspreading “shadow,” inviting our people to “dwell under it;” 719 so that, in the recollection of its enlivening refreshment, they are ready to adopt Philip Henry’s exclamation at the close of the Sabbath—‘Well; if this is not the way to heaven, I do not know what is.’ 720