III. What effect this disappointment had upon her
III. What effect this disappointment had upon her
"My soul," says she, "failed when he spoke," or went out[3915]; I was as one dead, I immediately fell into a swoon, and was as one whose life and soul departed. Some[3916] think that the church in these words excuses herself from the blame of not rising and opening to him sooner; as if she should say, I am not so much to be blamed, nor has my beloved so much reason to be provoked at, nor so highly to resent my not rising and opening sooner; for as soon as ever I heard his voice, saying, "Open to me, my sister, my love, my dove," etc., it overcame my heart, my soul failed at these words of his; I immediately fell into a swoon, and lay as one lifeless and helpless, and was not able to rise and open to him; but as soon as ever I came to my senses, and was recovered a little out of this fit, I arose and opened to him: but it does not appear from the context, that side did fall into such a fit at his calling to her, or was rendered non combos mentis; for she was capable all the while of observing all his words and ways; how he carried himself to her, and proceeded with her; what steps he took, and methods he used, till he had brought her to arise and open, Therefore the words seem rather to be expressive of that confusion of mind she was thrown into, when she found he was gone; even as it is said of the queen of Sheba, that "there was no more spirit in her;" occasioned through wonder and surprise in beholding Solomon's wisdom, and the order and management of his house and servants, that she knew not what to think or what to say: so the church here being surprised at Christ's absence, her soul fails her, no spirit is left in her; she knew not what to think, say, or do: or else they are expressive of the exceeding grief and sorrow that she was overwhelmed with; "my soul failed when he spoke," or "at his word"[3917]; that is, at the remembrance of it: O! now I call to mind how lovingly, kindly, and tenderly he spoke to me, when he said, "Open to me, my sister, my love," etc., yet, vile, ungrateful wretch, as I am, I took no notice of it; I put him off with idle excuses, I kept my bed and indulged myself in sloth and ease; but now it cuts me to the heart, it grieves me, t cannot bear up under it; when I remember his love, and my unkindness, I sink, I faint, I die; I cannot live without his presence; his absence is death unto me; my soul fails at his words of love and grace which he spoke to me, and at his word of command which he enjoined me; to which, being disobedient, I have now lost his company, which is intolerable to me. She seems to be much in the same case that the Psalmist was, when he said (Psalm 143:7), "Hear me speedily, O Lord, my spirit faileth: hide not thy face from me, lest I be like unto them that go down into the pit."