An Account of some Choice Experiences of ELIZABETH GILL
An Account of some Choice Experiences of ELIZABETH GILL
Who departed this Life May 30, 1738, having entered the Thirteenth Year of her Age
ELIZABETH GILL, daughter of JOHN and ELIZABETH GILL, was born March 14, 1725-6. She appeared from her infancy to be a child of a sweet disposition; of great solidity and thoughtfulness; of a quick understanding, and retentive memory. She was much reserved, and greatly delighted in retirement and solitude; was not addicted to play as children usually are, and if at any time she amused herself with the innocent diversions of her age, it was not in company with the rude and vain, but with the more sober and civilized sort of children.
As she grew up, she took much delight in reading good books; such as, BUNYAN’S Pilgrims Progress, JANEWAY’S Token for Children, and others of the like kind; and would observe the difference there was between some children and others; how, that some as soon as they began to speak, and before they could speak plain, learned bad words, and took the name of God in vain; when others were religiously inclined, and thoughtful about a future state; of which number she earnestly desired to be. She took great notice in hearing the word, and would afterwards repeat many things to her mother. She was a diligent observer of what passed in Christian conversation; and among other things remarked, that the conversion of the people of God was sometimes occasioned by dreams, which put them on close thinking about the welfare of their immortal souls. This made her greatly desire, that the like might be the means of her conversion:
Accordingly, some time after she dreamed, and in her dream hid a view both of heaven and hell; the smoke of the latter came out in a most dreadful manner, and greatly terrified her; when she spied, as she thought, her schoolmistress, a gracious good woman, in heaven, having some reviving drops in her bosom; thither she wanted to get, and at length did get to her; where she thought herself in a most glorious place, and happy condition. Some time after she dreamed again, that a man on horseback appeared to her in a most terrible manner, threatening to kill her; at which she thought she was not at all daunted, but quietly and cheerfully submitted to the stroke of death; when, on a sudden, she found herself in a most delightful place, where were abundance of people walking to and fro; but she observed that they took no notice of one another, nor said anything to each other. When she awaked, she wished herself again in that pleasant place. This was about two years ago. Now, though she had had many thoughts before about a future state, after this she began to think more closely of it. This put her upon seeking and praying to God, that he would, as she expressed herself, give her grace; to which she was encouraged by those words, Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened to you (Matthew 7:7).
It pleased God now to show her vileness, sinfulness, and unworthiness, the wickedness of her heart and nature; for notwithstanding all her solidity and sobriety, which seemed to be as it were natural to her, she thought herself one of the wickedest creatures upon earth. When one heard that her schoolmistress before mentioned should say of her, “Surely that child was sanctified from the womb; ” she thought within herself; “Am I, Oh! she does not know how bad I am; what a wicked heart I have.”
A remarkable instance of her sense of sin, and the tenderness of her conscience, as well as of God’s sealing his pardoning grace to her soul, is what follows; at a certain time her brother standing in her way, she bid him remove; instead of doing which, he smiled at her, and gave her no answer; upon that she says to him, “The boy stands like a fool.” But, O! What work did that word fool make in her poor conscience: She had no rest night nor day, for some time after; until it pleased God to apply to her, whilst she was crying alone by herself; those words, I will pardon thine iniquity, and will remember thy sins no more (Jeremiah 31:34); which calmed her conscience, and quieted her mind.
Her desires after Christ, and an interest in him, grew very strong; she found in her soul a very great affection for him; she would sometimes say within herself; “I love him; methinks, I could hug him in my arms.” She thought it was a hard thing to come to Christ. But she sometimes hoped she had an interest in him, though she durst not say she had, for fears attended her. But on her death-bed, discoursing with her father about divine things, she dropped those appropriating words, Chr1ft died for me; which being observed by him, he said to her, “My dear, can you say, Christ died for you ?” Yes, said she, “ Christ died for me. ” Nay, one time she said, she thought she even saw Christ; when those words were made of wonderful use to her, for yet a little while, and he that shall come, will come, and will not tarry (Hebrews 10:37).
She had many sweet words of scripture brought home to her soul, which yielded her much spiritual refreshment. Among the rest, that portion of scripture, I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness (Isaiah 41:10), was made very useful to her in a time of great distress; for being in great indisposition of body, and knowing what was coming upon her, and what she must go through, was much discouraged; but those words being set home upon her heart, she was much encouraged, cheerfully went through what she so much feared, and felt but little pain.
Sometimes she would be afraid, that the passages of scriptures which came to her mind did not come in a right way, and from the Spirit of God; but were what she had heard or read, and so thought of them again. She would listen with great attention and pleasure to the people of God, when discoursing about their experience of the grace of God; and would oftentimes observe to herself; that her case and theirs was alike, and that she felt and experienced the same things as they did; which gave her great satisfaction.
She had a great desire after, and a wonderful esteem of the grace of humility, both in things temporal and spiritual. She admired it in others, and wished for it in herself She desired not to have a proud look, or carriage, or to behave herself proudly, in any respect. She thought within herself; that should she live to be a woman, and God should bless her with anything of this world, she should choose to go neat and clean, but would not spend her money in fine clothes; but what she could spare would give to good people that were poor. And as to things spiritual, she was always fearful, lest any pride or vanity should appear in her: Hence she was shy of speaking of what God had done for her, lest it should seem, or be thought to arise from pride, and so be a matter of boasting. Hence she studiously affected to retire into corners, to read good books, and to desire of God to give her his grace. Frequently her bed, and time of sleep and rest, were the place and time of her serious and deepest meditations; for then, to use her own words, she could privately speak to herself And God did clothe her with humility, and gave her the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in his sight of great price: And to the last she entertained a mean and low opinion of herself When it was told her, that such an one had prayed for her, and such an one had prayed for her, she would say, “What, think of me! What, pray for me! Such an unworthy creature as I am!”
She expressed a very great veneration and respect for the hearing of the word, and other ordinances of the gospel. When at any time under hearing the word, she found her heart wandering after, and her thoughts diverted to other things, as she sometimes did, whereby she lost much of what was spoken, it was a grief and trouble to her. And since her illness, how has she longed to enjoy opportunities of hearing the gospel preached, which she hoped to do with more attention and profit. Her father repeating in the family one Lord’s day evening the heads of a sermon he had preached that day on Proverbs 8:34. Blessed is the man that heareth me, watching daily at my gates, waiting at the posts of my door, it was made of much use to her. Two things she particularly observed; the one was, the necessity and usefulness of hearing the word, in order to the knowledge of Christ, and faith in him, which was proved from Romans 10:14, How shall they believe in him, of whom they have not heard?
And the other was, the encouragement given to poor souls to wait upon the ministry of the word, taken from the instance of the poor man’s waiting at the pool of Bethesda, who had an infirmity thirty-eight years, and at last had a cure.
At a certain time she and her brother having seen the ordinance of baptism administered by their father, they talked together about it; her brother said, he should not care to be baptized; he should be afraid. But, thought she, within herself, if things were but right with me; if I had but a true knowledge of things I should not be afraid, I should gladly be baptized. And sometimes she would think with herself, what a delightful thing it would be, should she go to the Lord’s supper, and partake of it, with the saints and people of God. When she related this to her father on her deathbed, he being somewhat fearful, lest she should then labor under any discouragements, because he had not been baptized, nor had partook of the Lord’s supper, told her, that though these are ordinances of Christ, and ought to be complied with, and submitted to by all that believe in Christ, who are proper subjects of them, and are satisfied of their right to them, as they have health and opportunity, yet salvation does not depend upon them; persons may be saved without them, through the grace of Christ, who have not an opportunity of submitting to them; to which she assented, and seemed very well satisfied.
She was greatly affected with the goodness, grace, and mercy of God, in taking such notice of; and giving his Son for such a sinful, unworthy creature, as she thought herself to be. She expressed much thankfulness for temporal mercies, and took great notice of the common mercies of life. When she rose in a morning she would think with herself; what a mercy it was, that she had been refreshed with rest, and preserved in the night season from fire and other dangers.
Her afflictions, pains and agonies, which were many and great, were borne by her, in her illness, with much patience; though she would sometimes complain, she had not, and was fearful she should not have patience enough. Sometimes she would think of the holy martyrs, and of their sufferings: “O! says she, What did they suffer! How were they burnt for Christ? With what patience did they endure? O! that I had but patience to bear what God is pleased to lay upon me.
Death was no king of terrors to her; she did not seem to have the least fear of it, nor in any respect, or on any account to be intimidated by it. She often expressed her willingness to die, and her readiness to submit to the will of God; and would observe, that God sometimes makes persons willing to die before they do, which was her case; nor could she see, she said, anything in this world that was desirable, for which she might wish to live. And if at any time she signified any desire of living, she added, it was only for her mother ‘ s sake, who she knew would be greatly troubled at her death. Yea, she longed to be gone, and would often pour out her soul, in private ejaculations, to her dear Lord, with whom she desired to be. Her sister once observing her lips to move, as they often would when no voice was heard, said to her, “My dear, did you say any thing?” “No, says she, I was not speaking to you, nor to any body else; I was speaking to my dear Lord.” In this frame she continued to the last, as long as she was sensible, and on Tuesday, May 30th, sweetly fell asleep in Jesus, aged twelve years, two months, and sixteen days. The dream she had of the man on horseback, was a lively emblem of her death, and the manner of it. Death seems to be represented by him, at whose awful stroke she was not in the least dismayed, but quietly submitted to it; and no doubt finds herself in that delightful place she thought herself to be in then, where God has given her places to walk among those that stand by (Zechariah 3:7).
These things, with many others which cannot be perfectly recollected, were related by her, on her death-bed, to her father and mother, with whom only she had freedom of speech about spiritual things.
One thing is very remarkable, that while she was discoursing about these matters, as she sometimes would an hour, or an hour and a half together, she was quite another person; her spirits would revive; a briskness appeared in her countenance; she seemed to have no pain; nor was the least groan or complaint heard from her all the while; nor any appearance of even weariness throughout the whole interval; and would for some time after continue better, and more cheerful, though before her agonies were very great: and she would also observe, that when she had pleasant thoughts, as she called them, she felt no pain.