Section 1133
II. To consider the desire the apostle had of departing or dying
Having a desire to depart; which phrase, as a learned man observes, [5358] signifies, a vehement and perpetual desire; it was not a mere velleity, that rose up in his mind, a cold and faint wish in his breast, but a strong impulse upon him, a passionate desire to be gone; nor was it a new desire, a sudden start of mind, but what he had had a long time, and which grew stronger and stronger; nor was it carnal and sinful, but spiritual, not from nature but from grace; for,
1st, He did not desire simply to die, or desire dying for the sake of death, but for some other end here mentioned: to desire death, simply considered, is contrary to nature; contrary to a first principle in nature, self-preservation: all men naturally desire to live: what man is he that desireth life? (Psalm 34:12) every man does; he will do, or suffer, or part with anything, to keep that: true it is, what Satan said, skin for skin, yea, all that a man hath, will he give for his life: (Job 2:4) when human nature was innocent and sinless, nothing was more disagreeable to it than death; wherefore, to keep man in awe of his maker, and fix in him an attention to his will, and preserve him in his obedience to him, death was made the sanction of the law that was given him; therefore when our first parents were tempted to eat of the forbidden fruit, the greatest fence they had against the temptation, and the strongest objection to a compliance with it, was, God hath said, ye shall not eat of it, neither shall ye touch it, lest ye die: and the devil had no other way of answering and removing this objection, than by asserting a downright falsehood, and contradicting the express word of God, saying, ye shall not surely die. (Genesis 2:17 and 3:3, 4) Even in the sinless human nature of Christ there was a desire of life, and an aversion to death: as such he prayed to be saved from the hour of death, and that its bitter cup might pass from him; it is true, his death was attended with such circumstances as made it terrible indeed; he had all the sins of his people on him, and suffered in their room and stead; and bore the wrath of God; and endured the whole curse of the law, and all the punishment due to their sins; and therefore it is no wonder that his human nature, left to itself, should shudder and shrink at it; yet it seems that death itself, as such, was disagreeable to it; though he corrects his desire of life, and submits his request to the divine will, John 12:27, Matthew 26:39.
Death is not in itself a real good, and therefore not to be desired in itself; yea, it is an evil, a penal evil; it was threatened in case of sin, and is inflicted as a punishment of it; the wages of sin is death: (Romans 6:23) and on the other hand, life, and a continuance of it, long life, has been always esteemed a blessing; and is promised as an encouragement to obedience. (Ephesians 6:2, 3) Death is the fruit and effect of sin; it entered into the world by it, and has set up its empire through it: it reigns over men with an uncontrollable power and authority; it is a king, and a king of terrors; (Job 18:10) a terrible one, very formidable to human nature, it is an enemy to it, and the last enemy, the stoutest of all, which holds out the longest, and is hard to be subdued and conquered; the last enemy that shall be destroyed is death. (1 Corinthians 15:26) Death in itself is awful and shocking, and which nature seeks to flee from and avoid; there being pain and bitterness in it, and in its consequence, an awful judgment, a future state follow upon it, in which men must be happy or miserable: and even good men have sometimes been all their life-time, through fear of death, subject to bondage. (Hebrews 2:15) When therefore the apostle desired to die, it must be something above nature that moved him to it. Nor,
2dly, Did he desire it in an unlawful or dishonorable way; not to take it away himself; for as to desire death is contrary to a principle of nature, so for a man to be the author of it himself, is contrary to a principle of grace: nor that any other man should take it from him; as Saul desired his armor-bearer to draw his sword, and thrust it through him; which he refusing, he fell upon his own sword and died, being unwilling to fall into the hands of the Philistines. Some, through the terrors of a guilty conscience, have desired death, and have even destroyed themselves, as Judas did; not being able to stand up under the weight of guilt they are pressed with; crying out with Cain, that their punishment is greater than they can bear. (Genesis 4:13) This is a piece of shocking stupidity, that, in order to be out of a lesser hell they feel within them, they throw themselves into the greater, into an abyss of woe, into endless horror and misery; and to avoid the present gnawings of a natural conscience, plunge themselves into a state irretrievable and irrecoverable, where the worm dies not, and the fire is not quenched.
Others have desired death because not able to support themselves under a disappointment of what their pride and ambition have prompted unto; because they could not have their will complied with, and their lusts gratified: so Ahitophel, because his counsel was not followed, and his ambitious views answered, in the pride of his heart fought death, and laid violent hands upon himself. It is reported of Aristotle, though some say he died a natural death, that not being able to find out the cause of the ebbing and flowing of the sea, at a place called Euripus, where it ebbed and flowed seven times a day, he threw himself into it and was drowned: and Nazianzen [5359] says, he died there; and Justin Martyr [5360] that he died there with grief: this is dying in a poor, mean, and dishonorable manner. It has been an infirmity that has attended some good persons, who have wished for death in a pet or passion, because they could not have their wills, or were under some sore and pressing trouble: so Rachel said, give me children, or else I die; (Genesis 30:1) suggesting, that she could not live, nor desired to live, unless she had some; and that she had rather die, than live childless. So Jonah, when he had lost his gourd, and the sun beat vehemently on him, in a passionate fit wished to die, and said, It is better for me to die than to live: and when the Lord expostulated with him, saying, dost thou well to be angry for the gourd? He persists in his passion, and insists upon it, that he did well to be angry even unto death: (Jonah 3:8, 9) but this was his weakness. So Moses, unable to bear the weight of the care and government of the children of Israel, desires the Lord would kill him out of hand and let him not see his wretchedness: (Numbers 11:15) so Elijah the prophet, when threatened and persecuted by Jezebel, requested for himself that he might die: (1 Kings 19:4) and this was what Job very vehemently wished for under his sore troubles and afflictions: but it is a much more noble and ingenuous spirit, which the saints show in the exercise of grace, when they desire, that neither their afflictions may be removed from them, nor they from them, until it is the will and pleasure of God; and when they request more grace and strength to support under them, and pray for more faith and patience to bear them, and wait the Lord’s own time to deliver them out of them. But,
3dly, The apostle desired death upon right principles, and with right views; he desired it with submission to the divine will; he that would not determine upon a journey to visit any of the churches, or promise to take one, without saying, if the Lord will; would never think of a journey into the other world, or of a voyage from the shores of time, to those of eternity, without a special regard to the will of God: he did not desire to die sooner than it was the pleasure of God he should; his desire was bounded and limited, as that of his Lord and Master’s was, saying, not my will, but thine be done: (Luke 22:42) nor did he desire to die before he had done his work; the context shows the struggle he had between personal gain, and public usefulness; and of such a noble spirit he was, that he postponed his private advantage to the public service of the church, and inclined, upon this consideration, rather to live than die. Good men, in a right spirit, when they most vehemently desire death, desire it that they may be freed from sin, from the temptations of Satan, and the snares of this world; being burdened with a body of sin and death, they drag about with them, they groan and earnestly desire deliverance; being pressed with Satan’s temptations, they long for that state where they shall be no more exposed to them; and, their righteous souls being vexed with the filthy conversation of the wicked, as was Lot, and weary of their lives, because of the wickedness of the sons of men, as Rebekah was, because of the daughters of Heth; they breathe after that perfect state in which they will be completely holy, without sin and sinful company: and it was with such a view as this, no doubt, that the apostle desired to die; and certain it is, that he did not desire death of itself, but in connection with something else, with being with Christ: and so every gracious soul desires to die, not for the sake of dying, not that they would be unclothed, stripped of the body, the tabernacle, but clothed upon with their house from heaven, that mortality might be swallowed up of life: not that they desired a mortal state, or to be under the power of death and the grave; but that they might enjoy eternal life: wherefore, seeing they reckon themselves absent from the Lord, whilst they are at home in the body; they choose rather, and it is their earnest wish and desire, to be absent from the body, and to be present with the Lord; (2 Corinthians 5:4, 6, 8) which is the same thing as to be with Christ: for the sake of which, and perfect conformity to him, and uninterrupted communion with him, death is desired. Now before a person arrives to a settled, composed frame of soul, as to desire in good earnest to die upon such principles, and with such views as mentioned,
1. Such persons and things in this world, which were once near and dear to him must, be as nothing; he must be dead to the world, and that to him, or he will never truly desire death; so long as he hankers after any person or thing in it, he will be loth to die: which is frequently the case of the husband to the wife, the wife to the husband, and one friend to another; relations hang about them, and have a great share in their affections: the things of the world stick close to them, and they do not know how to part with either: one has a family of children, and he would be glad to see them brought up or better provided for; another, his circumstances in the world are good, and he chooses to live a little longer, that he might enjoy what with great care and industry he has obtained, or what God in his providence has plentifully put into his hands; a third, his circumstances are bad, and he is very desirous of abiding in the flesh, in hopes he shall be able to retrieve himself, and make a better provision for his family, and not leave them distressed and incumbered; now that man must have his heart loosened from the world, and all things in it, ere he will be willing to die; and when this is the case, then he is for leaving all to be with Christ; then, father, mother, wife and children, brother, sister, houses and lands, are all nothing: God, Christ, heaven, glory, and eternal life, are all in all; the things of the world are light in comparison of the eternal weight of glory he is rejoicing in the hope of; and he can easily part with them, and leave all to be with Christ.
2. He has other views and notions of death, than what are common; he considers it not as an evil, but as a part of the inventory of the saints goods; death is yours; (1 Corinthians 3:22) not as a penal evil, as the wages of sin, but as a blessed privilege; not as having the sting of sin in it, and as armed with vengeance; but as having its sting taken away from it by Christ, and disarmed by him; and can say, O death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory? (1 Corinthians 15:55) He looks upon it, not as an enemy, but as a friend, as an outlet of his sorrows and troubles, and as an inlet of his joys and pleasures: it does not appear with that grim and ghastly look, and in that terrible form, it does to others. Wherefore,
3. He is without fear of it, or of him that has the power of it, or of any consequence following upon it: he is not afraid of the pangs of death; he knows his Lord can make it easy to him: the bitterness of it is past with him; nor is he afraid of Satan, and the whole posse of devils; the reason why wicked men, when they come to die, are afraid, is because they apprehend a band of infernal furies are about their bed, ready to carry their souls into eternal torments; but the believer has no such fears, he knows the angels are about him, ready to do their office, and carry his soul into Abraham’s bosom, as soon as separated from his body: nor has he any dread of a future judgment; he knows things will go well with him then; the Judge will be his friend, and give him the crown of righteousness laid up for him; and if a man has any fears about either of these, he will never desire to die.
4. He must be satisfied of his spiritual state and condition; that God has loved him with an everlasting love; that he has chosen him in Christ to be holy and happy; that he has made a covenant with him in Christ, ordered in all things and sure; and is his covenant God and Father: must be persuaded that Christ has loved him and given himself for him, and is his Savior and Redeemer; and then he will say, as old Simeon did, when he had the child Jesus in his arms, Lord, now lettest thou thy servant depart in peace, according to thy word, for mine eyes have seen thy salvation: (Luke 2:29, 30) he must know that his iniquities are pardoned through the blood of Christ, and that he is justified by his righteousness, which will answer for him in a time to come; that “he is an heir of God, and joint-heir with Christ, being begotten again to a lively hope of a glorious inheritance; ” he must be satisfied that the Spirit of God has begun the good work of grace upon his soul, and is working him up for that self-fame thing, eternal glory; that he has both a meetness for it, and a, right unto it, through Christ; and that the everlasting doors shall be thrown open for him, and he shall have a rich and an abundant entrance into the kingdom and glory of his Lord.
5. He must know whither he is going, or he will never desire to depart hence; that he is going to heaven, to glory, to eternal happiness; who would choose to loose from one port, unless bound for another? and he knows where it is he is bound for? who would choose to remove out of one house, unless another is provided for him, and that a better, and he knows it to be so? who would be willing, with Hobbes the Atheist, to take a leap in the dark? or to be in the case of Adrian the emperor, who when dying said, Animula, vagula, blandula, quo tu abilis? “Ah, poor, little, wandering, fluttering soul, whither “wilt thou go? where art thou going?” He knew not where. But a gracious soul, that is truly willing to die, knows where it is going, and to what company, to be with God, Father, Son, and Spirit, with angels and glorified saints; and therefore he desires to depart.
This was the happy case of the apostle Paul; he knew his interest in the unchangeable love of God; and was persuaded that nothing could separate him from it; he knew his interest in Christ, he knew in whom he had believed; who he was, and what he was to him; and that he was able to keep what he had committed to him against another day; he knew, that though he had been a blasphemer, a persecutor, and an injurious person, he had obtained mercy; and that the grace of God, in great abundance, was bestowed upon him; and that he was an heir of glory; and indeed it is no wonder that such a man should desire to die, who had such an assurance of the love of God and Christ unto him, and had been so long and eminently useful; had done so much service for Christ, and good to the souls of men; and was now Paul the aged, far advanced in years; his race run out, his course finished, and the time of his departure at hand. But that our deceased friend and brother should have a desire to die, may seem somewhat strange; a man, and desire to die, which is contrary to a principle in human nature; a sinful man, and desire to die; and therefore must know that his sins were pardoned, and his soul cleansed from the guilt and filth of them through the blood of Christ; a young man, and desire to die, and leave all the pleasures of this life, which the youthful age delights in, and to which long life is usually desirable; a young minister of the gospel, and desire to die, when just arrived to the highest post of honor in the church, having a large prospect of usefulness before him; just entering upon it, and blessed with much of it; beloved by the church, caressed by his friends; and yet willing to leave all, and depart hence; this must be owing, not to nature, but to grace, and to the faith and hope he had of being with Christ? Which brings me,