POST 33: When You Are Dating
POST 33
When You Are Dating
Dating is complicated at any age, but it can be especially confusing as a teenager.
What’s the point of dating? Is it a precursor to marriage? Is it just for fun? How do you set boundaries? Should you have your parents’ approval to date? Should the person you date share your beliefs? Why do so many people get hurt in dating relationships? Where is the teenage-dating manual?!
Yeah, that doesn’t exist. Sorry.
Dating is going to look different depending on a lot of factors such as age, level of maturity, family dynamics, and cultural expectations. But here’s the key: healthy dating is based on respect. Respect for yourself, your partner, and your family’s rules.
We asked one sixteen-year-old what she had learned about herself in a high school dating relationship, and she shared, “I learned I have to be more self-confident. . . . A lot of times, if you say no to something, the person you’re dating kind of makes you feel bad about it. So you do it anyway. I wish I had been more confident so I could have stuck with my no instead of giving in.”
R-E-S-P-E-C-T
The truth of the matter is no one should ever feel pressured to do anything they don’t want to do in a dating relationship. When we have respect for one another, we won’t pressure, belittle, or act carelessly with our feelings or bodies.
Dating doesn’t have to be taboo. It is good and normal to want to explore relationships, and dating is a great way to get to know someone. You’ll experience big feelings that may be confusing, and that’s okay too.
More than likely, heartbreak will occur.
More than likely, you’ll shed tears over a breakup.
More than likely, emotions like jealousy or doubt will arise.
These experiences are all part of learning what kinds of relationships work for you. Exploring compatibility and what’s important to you in a relationship takes time and experience.
The more you mature, the more you realize that being in a dating relationship is an honor and privilege. Having access to someone’s heart is precious. The heart can be fragile and must be handled with care—yours included! It’s important to enter into any relationship with your eyes wide open and a commitment to care for and respect yourself and the person you’re dating.
The Bible invites us to “be the best at showing honor to each other” (Romans 12:10). While this passage isn’t specifically about dating, this is the general attitude we should have toward anyone we encounter. When we lead with honor, we will act with integrity, decency, honesty, righteousness, and virtue. And we will expect others to treat us with that same respect. We don’t need to tolerate anything less.
God loves you and wants the best for you. God doesn’t want you to be stuck in a relationship in which you are not loved, respected, or cared for. Just as the heart of the person you’re dating is precious, so is yours. Care for your own heart first, and expect nothing less in return.
READING GOD’S WORD
Love should be shown without pretending. Hate evil, and hold on to what is good. Love each other like the members of your family. Be the best at showing honor to each other. (Romans 12:9–10)
Those who pursue righteousness and kindness
will find life, righteousness, and honor. (Proverbs 21:21)
REFLECT AND RESPOND
Journaling Questions
What have your experiences with dating been like so far?
What are some of the expectations or views around dating in your family, your church, and your school? What are some of your own expectations for dating? How do these expectations differ from one another?
Why is respect so important in a relationship?
Pray This Prayer
God, you care for and love me so much. As your child, I know you want what’s best for me and that includes what’s best in my dating life. Help me to be honorable in my relationships. Help me to maintain boundaries in which I feel safe, respected, and loved. In Jesus’ name, amen.
Ask a trusted adult if you can have a conversation about dating. This can be a parent, guardian, aunt, uncle, or youth worker from your church. In your conversation, ask them about their dating life when they were a teenager and what they learned from their experiences. You can also share with them any questions or experiences you may be struggling with.
THE TAKEAWAY
Take care of your own heart and your partner’s by treating one another with respect.