POST 8: When You Struggle with Perfectionism
POST 8
When You Struggle with Perfectionism
Have you ever been called a perfectionist? Perfectionism is something that impacts people from all walks of life. The pressure to perform perfectly can add stress in our lives and even cause us to hide who we really are for fear that it’s not “good enough.”
Carrie is a youth pastor in a high-pressure, affluent Minneapolis suburb who was wrestling with how her students seemed to be stuck in relationally shallow waters. She knew there was great pain hidden under the surface, but any time struggle or pain started to be expressed, the default was to stuff it down or ignore it. Carrie knew something had to change, and over time God helped her create an environment in which students felt safe enough to be vulnerable.
Janelle’s parents see her as confident and smart. She’s self-assured, but others’ opinions also really matter to her. This year she started serving as a leader in her school’s Black Student Union. She feels continual pressure—internally and externally—to perform academically: “I feel like I have to do everything so perfect.” Janelle constantly lives in the messy middle of the different ways in which she identifies: young, Black, female, smart, confident, anxious.
Lilly plummets emotionally when she makes a mistake. Mistakes “bum me out for like the whole day. I know it is human to make mistakes. But it just makes me feel really bad.”
How do you feel when you make mistakes? When the world is about to see that you’re not perfect? Do you go into panic mode? Do you feel bad about yourself?
The apostle Paul was seen as basically perfect by the standards of his community. In Philippians 3, he lists his credentials: he was a Jewish man with an impeccable record, an expert at all things God-related. While he used to be really proud of all this, he came to see that his list was nothing to boast about. He would always fall short of perfection, but in Christ he had been given a goodness that was not from his own doing but from the faithfulness of Jesus. This changed everything for Paul.
When we recognize we are accepted because of Christ and what he has done and not because of anything we do, it changes our perspective. The weight of perfectionism is lifted off our shoulders, and we can taste freedom.
Let yourself off the hook. You don’t have to be perfect; Jesus already is.
READING GOD’S WORD
But even beyond that, I consider everything a loss in comparison with the superior value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. I have lost everything for him, but what I lost I think of as sewer trash, so that I might gain Christ and be found in him. In Christ I have a righteousness that is not my own and that does not come from the Law but rather from the faithfulness of Christ. It is the righteousness of God that is based on faith. The righteousness that I have comes from knowing Christ, the power of his resurrection, and the participation in his sufferings. It includes being conformed to his death so that I may perhaps reach the goal of the resurrection of the dead. (Philippians 3:8–11)
Journaling Questions
Do you struggle with perfectionism? This can show up in many ways—from academically to physically to maintaining a certain image. How does perfectionism show up in you?
How can you let yourself off the hook when it comes to perfectionism? How does Jesus let us all off the hook of perfectionism?
Pray This Prayer
God, when I struggle to be perfect, remind me that you are the perfect one. When I am tempted to hide my imperfections, remind me that I am free to live an authentic and vulnerable life. When I try to maintain an impossible standard, remind me that I don’t have to perform to be loved and accepted. In Jesus’ name, amen.
SOMETHING TO TRY
Talk with a trusted adult about their own struggles with perfectionism. You may be surprised to see that many others can relate to this struggle. Ask them how they have overcome the need to be perfect in their own life and look for encouragement to do the same in your life. Discuss Philippians 3 and get their perspective on how we don’t have to feel the pressure to perform.
THE TAKEAWAY
Get free of the perfection trap and run toward being real.