POST 28: When Family Gets Complicated
POST 28
When Family Gets Complicated
In our church, we all come from very different backgrounds, but we all still love each other. And we might argue sometimes, but at the end of the day, we are like a family.
Natalie
My brother and I (Kara) knew we needed to pace ourselves. This was the first of two, or sometimes three, Thanksgiving meals we had to eat.
Usually we had “lunch” with our mom and stepdad.
A midafternoon “dinner” with our dad and stepmom.
And a final “dinner and dessert” with our grandparents.
That’s a lot of turkey, mashed potatoes, and pumpkin pie in eight hours. If we consumed too much in the first or second meal and were full for the next meal, we risked offending that set of relatives.
On the continuum of divorced parents, mine actually got along pretty well. And yet, my brother and I still often felt the tensions of our parents’ divorce.
We didn’t talk about one parent in front of the other.
We downplayed—and sometimes even hid—clothes from shopping trips with one parent so we didn’t hurt the other parent’s feelings.
At every school or church event they both attended, we tried to give roughly equal time and attention to both sets.
No one ever told us these rules of being children of divorce. But even as young elementary school children, we picked up these communication dos and don’ts.
No Family Is Perfect
Maybe your parents are divorced and you can relate to what I navigated—and still navigate. Perhaps your parents’ divorce has been a whole lot messier than mine.
It’s possible that one of your parents has passed away.
Or you are being raised by a single parent and have little to no contact with the other parent.
It might be that you’re living with a grandparent, caregiver, or guardian.
Maybe your parents live in the same home as you; they say they love each other, but they don’t seem to like each other very much.
Or perhaps your family life is pretty good and healthy.
Families can be complicated, even when everyone’s trying their best. While research tells us that family relationships are some of the most influential, no family is perfect. All of us have been loved imperfectly by parents or guardians who struggle a little or a lot. (Trust me, I’m a parent now, so I know this firsthand!)
The good news is that our church can make up for what’s missing or flawed in the family that’s raising us. One (from a long list) of the reasons that it’s good to be in Christ-centered community is because the church can become our functional family.
Are you eager for some advice from a wise older adult but don’t have much of a relationship with your grandparents? Chances are good there’s someone in your church who’d love to give you input.
Do you need to know you’re deeply loved but feel distant today from the people you live with? Make an extra effort to get close to your faith community so you can experience their love for you.
As we believe in Jesus, we become God’s children. God becomes our heavenly parent. We are adopted into a family that isn’t perfect, but it can help us see what’s good about our original family and also help make up for what’s tough or missing.
READING GOD’S WORD
But those who did welcome him,
those who believed in his name,
he authorized to become God’s children,
born not from blood
nor from human desire or passion,
but born from God. (John 1:12–13)
God destined us to be his adopted children through Jesus Christ because of his love. This was according to his goodwill and plan and to honor his glorious grace that he has given to us freely through the Son whom he loves. (Ephesians 1:5–6)
REFLECT AND RESPOND
Journaling Questions
What do you appreciate about the family you’re living with or who’s raising you? What is sometimes tough about living with them?
How does it make you feel to know that you belong to a family of believers?
How can other followers of Jesus help make up for what’s missing in the family that’s raising you?
Pray This Prayer
God, I am grateful that you’ve designed us to be in close relationship with others. While the family I live with isn’t perfect, I thank you that you’ve also given me a family of other imperfect Jesus followers. Please show me who in God’s family I can go to for support as well as who I can tangibly care for and build up. In Jesus’ name, amen.
SOMETHING TO TRY
What type of connection or care do you most need from your church family these days? What other teenager(s) or adult(s) in your church or faith community could offer you that care? Which adults can you go to with your questions or struggles when you don’t feel comfortable going to your parents?
Reach out to those adults—by text, phone, email, or social media—and try to get that support. Be open to how God might want to use you to support or build up others in your church family too.
THE TAKEAWAY
Whether our home life is strong or struggling, God has given us a faith family too.