160. Self-love
160. SELF-LOVE
Jesus told us, “Love your neighbor as yourself.” Should we love ourselves? If so, how? In what way? Did Jesus mean we are to love our neighbors as we already do love ourselves or as we ought to love ourselves? Does everyone love themselves or do some not?
Love of self is common to all in one way. In another way it is proper to the good. . . .
For it is common to all for each one to love what he thinks himself to be. In this way . . . all men, both good and wicked, love themselves in so far as they love their own preservation.
Secondly . . . all do not think themselves to be what they are. For . . . the good look upon their rational nature or the inward man as being the chief thing in them, wherefore in this way they think themselves to be what they are. On the other hand, the wicked reckon their sensitive and corporeal nature, or the outward man, to hold the first place. Wherefore, since they know not themselves aright, they do not love themselves aright, but love what they think themselves to be. But the good know themselves truly, and therefore truly love themselves.
The Philosopher proves this from five things that are proper to friendship. For in the first place, every friend wishes his friend to be and to love; secondly, he desires good things for him; thirdly, he does good things to him; fourthly, he takes pleasure in his company; fifthly, he is of one mind with him, rejoicing and sorrowing in almost the same things. In this way the good love themselves, as to the inward man, because (1) they wish the preservation of it in its integrity; (2) they desire good things for him, namely spiritual goods; (3) indeed, they do their best to obtain them; and (4) they take pleasure in entering into their own hearts, because they find there good thoughts in the present, the memory of past good, and the hope of future good, all of which are sources of pleasure. (5) Likewise they experience no clashing of wills, since their whole soul tends to one thing.
On the other hand, the wicked (1) have no wish to be preserved in the integrity of the inward man, (2) nor do they desire spiritual goods for him, (3) nor do they work for that end, (4) nor do they take pleasure in their own company by entering into their own hearts, because whatever they find there, present, past and future, is evil and horrible; (5) nor do they agree with themselves, on account of the gnawings of conscience (II-II,25,7).
And you thought the modern mind was more psychologically sophisticated than the medieval?
Everyone loves the apparent good. We can’t love what appears evil, just as we can’t believe what appears false. For “lovable” means “desirable”, i.e., “apparently good”, just as “believable” means “apparently true”.
But we can err. Appearance does not always coincide with reality. We need discernment to distinguish the only-apparently-good from the really-good.
This applies to the self as well as anything else. We all love the apparent self, what we seem to ourselves to be. But we can err. We can feed the false self (e.g., by addictions). This is why prudence, or practical wisdom, is such an absolutely essential virtue. Wisdom judges appearances as real or fake.
Fools, who do not know themselves, do not love their true selves but their false selves. The thief who identifies himself with his money, or the material things money can buy, or the pleasures these things give him, sees theft as desirable, psychologically good (advantageous) for himself. Of course he knows his theft brings pain rather than pleasure to his victim, but he judges his own moral good, the good of his soul, to be less important to himself, less a part of himself, than the physical pleasures of his body and the satisfaction of his selfish passions. He thinks money will make him happy. He is a fool. He does not really love himself, even though he is selfish! Only the wise can truly love themselves because only they know themselves. St. Thomas lists five dimensions of this, five ways in which the fools (the wicked) lack true self-love. Love your neighbor as yourself, but first “know thyself”!