Haircut Day
3.When to Wonder, When to Worry…
What do you think really happened here?
We’ve probably all been guilty at one time or another of jumping to false conclusions or placing blame before we actually knew all the facts surrounding a situation. One day, two of my daughters were rolling around on the floor and playing together, when suddenly my younger daughter burst into tears. She was holding her leg and crying out hysterically in pain! Now, any mom knows that we all have what’s called “the mama bear” that lives inside of us, and when our children get hurt or mistreated, that mama bear comes out, ready to attack anything or anyone in her way! I immediately lost my temper and accused my older daughter of kicking her sister and without letting her explain, I sent her to her room, enraged that she would do such a thing! Well, a few minutes later, I discovered that my younger daughter had actually hurt her leg by rolling over onto a block while playing. I felt horrible about falsely accusing my older daughter, and immediately went over to her and apologized for my actions. When a child gets hurt or mistreated, it’s natural to look for someone else to blame, and when an accident happens at daycare, a parent’s first response is to blame the provider.
Unfortunately accidents and incidents can happen anywhere, including daycare. In addition, daycares are very busy places with a lot going on at any given moment, which would naturally increase the chances of mishaps occurring. It’s not fair to assume that whenever a mishap or accident occurs involving a child at daycare, it must be due to the lack of supervision, carelessness, or negligence on the provider’s part. It’s important for parents to see the whole picture and get all the details of an incident before making assumptions about the level of care that was being provided when the incident occurred. Once a parent has all the information, they can determine whether they truly need to worry about the care their child is receiving or just accept all the natural craziness that can occur in such a setting…
Finger-Painting Without Paint
It’s naptime in the Toddler Room…the lights are off, the curtains are drawn and lullabies are softly playing in the classroom. After a busy morning, and a satisfying lunch, all the toddlers are sound asleep on their little cots. Some are lying sideways, cuddled with their blankets, while others are lying on their backs with their hands crossed behind their heads as if they are tanning under the sun. It’s an exceptionally adorable sight to see a roomful of little ones sleeping so soundly.
While the children sleep, the teacher has many duties she is responsible for. One afternoon after tending to various cleaning tasks, a teacher had just sat down to begin filling out daily reports when something caught the corner of her eye. She noticed that one little girl had woken up and was lying there quietly, looking up at the ceiling and at all the things around her. The teacher decided to let her be, since she wasn’t disrupting nap time.
About 15 minutes later, to the teacher’s surprise, the child was still lying quietly on her cot content as can be. Since toddlers are usually the group of kids with the most energy, they almost never sit still or do any one thing for more than ten minutes! This really piqued the teacher’s curiosity, and she wondered if the little girl was just extra tired today and maybe needed a little extra rest. From where she sat, she could see that the child was now playing with her fingers and waving her arms around a bit. She decided she would go ask her if she wanted to get up and do some quiet activities until the others awoke.
As she began walking toward the child, the pungent aroma of a freshly filled diaper hit her nose like a brick wall and she realized a major diaper change would be in order! Then, just before she reached her, she noticed the little girl wiggling around on the cot while rubbing her hands between herself and the carpet. Suddenly she discovered why this little girl remained occupied on her cot for so long! She had been busy spreading the contents of her diaper all across her cot and the carpet! At this point, the smell was so overpowering, the teacher could hardly breathe! Oh, what a sight!! She immediately called for extra help and, while the assistant monitored the sleeping children, the toddler teacher focused on cleaning up the little girl and sanitizing the smelly crime scene she had so quietly finger painted!
The fact that this disaster occurred would naturally make one assume that the child was not being watched, which clearly was not the case. The teacher made the decision to leave the child on her cot, which made sense since the child didn’t get up on her own. What she should have done differently was to position herself a little closer to the child to make sure she could monitor her more effectively. It isn’t uncommon for toddlers to be curious about their diaper contents and this story reminds us all that when a toddler seems a little too quiet, be weary! It’s important for parents to remember that incidents like this can happen at home as well. Depending on the incident, it may be reasonable to let it go once, but recurring incidents should clearly be a sign to wonder less and worry more!
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One day, in my own home daycare, I assumed that all the kids in my care were napping so I took the opportunity to start dinner for my family. Being in the kitchen, I was not in direct sight or sound of all the children. After about 20 minutes, I decided to check on the two three-year-old boys that I thought were napping soundly. I was horrified to discover that they instead were colorfully decorating my brand new couch with markers! Needless to say, I learned my lesson and began carrying a baby monitor around the house like a teenager carries a cell phone!
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Guess Who I Ran Into?
Many times in home daycares, providers will take the kids they are caring for along with them to run personal errands to just about any place they need to go. Some parents are fine with this and actually welcome the fact that their kids will be getting out of the house more often. Other parents are okay with their children going on kid-friendly outings only, like to the park or library, and then there are the parents who don’t want their kids transported at all. These outings or field trips usually don’t present a problem as long as parents have an understanding with their providers about the trips their kids will take and when they will occur. It’s when parents find out, completely by surprise, that their child has been taken somewhere unbeknownst to them, that a good daycare situation can go very quickly downhill.
One day a home daycare provider took her group of 7 children to a large grocery store to get supplies for a baking project for the kids to do, as well as some other items she needed. She had been taking her daycare kids to the store, the post office and wherever else she needed to go, for years and had rarely mentioned these outings to parents at the end of the day. It was just part of her day and she felt parents chose home daycares knowing that kids would be treated like members of the provider’s family; therefore, taking them along to run personal errands seemed perfectly acceptable.
When she arrived at the store, she placed the baby in the front of the cart and the 2 smaller children in the back. The rest of the kids wandered behind her like little baby ducks, as she walked up and down each isle choosing her items. As she pushed her very full cart towards the checkout lanes, she suddenly heard a loud gasp and then a woman’s voice saying, “What in the world are you doing here!?” It was the mom of one of the children in her group, looking extremely irritated to find her daughter in the back of a shopping cart, under a heap of groceries, when she was supposed to be in daycare. Not only was this mom surprised that her child was not in daycare, but she was also shocked to discover that her daughter was being taken to public places without her knowledge! Her provider explained very calmly that she always took the kids to run errands and assumed all the parents were aware of this. If parents ever asked her about outings, she would have let them know, but they rarely asked. She also pointed out that in her daycare contract, which every parent signed, it clearly stated that the provider would occasionally be transporting her daycare kids as needed. She had been doing this for years, and until now, this matter had never been an issue with any of the other families.
The mom was completely stunned to learn this fact and couldn’t comprehend how this had been happening for so long without her ever knowing it. A million questions were now racing through her mind, such as, Where else has my child been and how safe is it to actually have this many kids with one person in a public place? By discovering this one fact by accident, she now doubted the safety and the quality of the daycare she had loved just that morning when she had dropped off her daughter. She had originally chosen this provider because she offered Saturday care and was conveniently located and, over the past two years, she’d been really happy with her choice. It had never even occurred to her to ask questions about her child being taken to the grocery store! Weren’t kids supposed to go to daycare to just play and learn?
The reassurance of knowing where your child is at all times and that they are safe is one of the most important things a daycare should offer. After this incident occurred, the parents of this child removed her from this daycare and ended up placing her in a family member’s home which, while less convenient, made them feel safer. Unfortunately, when trust is broken between a parent and a provider, it can almost never be regained. We all love convenience, but when it comes to quality childcare, convenience should be at the bottom of the list, and asking important questions and knowing pertinent facts about providers and their practices should come first. Read your daycare provider’s contract thoroughly and make sure you are clear and agree to all the terms before signing.
An Unpleasant Surprise
When my first child started daycare as a toddler, she was just starting to potty train and wear underwear. She was doing well overall, and would have a few accidents here and there, but typically not while she was at daycare. One day, when I picked her up, I was told she had an accident and her underwear was bagged up and stored in her cubby for me to take home. I wondered why she still had the same clothes on, and just the underwear was bagged…I soon discovered why.
When we got home, I went to the laundry sink and prepared to prewash her underwear before adding it to the rest of the laundry. When I opened up the bag, I wasn’t prepared for what I found! A huge piece of poop was sitting in her underwear staring back at me! I jumped in surprise and it rolled and almost fell out onto the floor! No wonder the bag felt fuller than it should’ve been. When I saw this, I was, to say the least, disgusted, and couldn’t understand why the teachers would do such a thing! I was so furious that before doing anything else, I charged toward the phone (after washing my hands of course) to call the center’s director.
After the director quietly listened to me as I expressed my concern and frustration over the situation, she calmly explained the procedure for handling potty accidents. In the cases where children soil their underwear, staff are to dump any loose particles from the garment, then wrap it up tightly into a bag to be sent home, but they are not allowed to wash anything out. Once I received a full explanation, the procedure made sense, but in this particular case, that procedure clearly was not followed, resulting in the big surprise waiting for me!
At times, certain events may seem unreasonable until you get the full explanation. It’s easy to forget that not all situations can or will be handled at daycare the way you would handle them at home. Even though we trust our providers enough to turn our children’s care over to them, as soon as something goes wrong, it’s funny how quickly we can turn around and assume the worst! It’s important to get all the facts before making any assumptions so as to more accurately determine whether each situation needs more worrying or just more wondering.
Haircut Day
One morning, in a busy home daycare, the provider had set out Play-Doh and cookie cutters and was working with a group of kids around the table. Several of the older kids began to get bored and wanted to be done. Since the provider needed to clean up the table and get the smaller kids cleaned up as well, she asked the older kids to go upstairs and read books until she was done.
After about 15 minutes, she called the older kids to come down and put their shoes on to go outside. As they wandered down the stairs, one by one, she noticed how quiet they were and immediately suspected that something must be up! One of the boys in the group came down last and she suddenly noticed his hair…or the lack of it. He had big bald patches on the top of his head and his bangs were completely gone! She was speechless at first, then questioned them to find out what had happened. One of the little girls had found scissors in her daughter’s bedroom and decided to play barber shop. After cutting several strands of her own long hair, the little girl then decided to give the little boy a haircut too.
The provider realized what poor judgment she had used in letting the older kids play unattended upstairs. She knew she’d have to call the boy’s mom to explain the situation and expected his mom to be very upset. Luckily, the little girl’s dad was a barber, and worked out of his home which happened to be next door. During their conversation, the boy’s mom agreed to let the barber try to fix her son’s hair.
The provider nervously walked the whole group next door and anxiously waited outside while the neighbor took the little boy in for a “trim”. What a shock it was when they came out a few minutes later and the child was smiling and completely bald! The provider dreaded the moment when his mom would see his new haircut but much to the provider’s surprise, his mom laughed when she saw him and said, “What a great look for summer.” After this incident, the daycare provider no longer let the older and younger kids separate into groups; she’d use the older kids as “helpers” for the younger children, which helped them get cleaned up and outside much faster.
Home daycare providers are faced with an extremely challenging task when trying to entertain and be fully present with many children of different ages all at the same time. Ask your home daycare provider what she does to keep the older children busy while she is tending to the younger ones. Does she allow the older pre-school aged children to play unsupervised either outside or in a different room? Does she go outside with the older children while the younger ones are napping unattended inside or does she keep her group together and use the older ones to teach the younger ones? Every home daycare provider will have her own way of doing things, but the most important thing to consider is constant supervision. Accidents can occur so quickly, but not all will be as easy to fix as a bad haircut.