Don’t Feel Bad
2.It Never Hurts to Ask…
So why don’t we do it more often?
Have you ever sat in a doctor’s office feeling helpless and confused as the doctor impatiently explained something complicated or frightening to you? Then just as you begin processing this new information, the doctor hurries off to his next patient before you get a chance to ask more than a few questions. When you get home, you Google and sort through all this new information only to be flooded with a million more questions that you now want to ask the doctor…but you hesitate. You start thinking about how busy the doctor must be and, after all, you’re not his only patient. You should’ve asked more questions before you left but with all these uncertain facts now flying at you, you really didn’t know what else to ask. Soon you have completely talked yourself out of calling the doctor and that is utter craziness! The funny thing is, we sometimes forget the reason doctors have their job in the first place is because of us, the patients. Surely our health is their priority and they are prepared and willing to answer our questions and educate us about our healthcare choices as needed. But when we as patients fail to speak up, call back, or ask the questions that weigh so heavily on our minds, we are only hurting ourselves and preventing the doctors from doing their job to the best of their ability. If they are not aware of the areas where we require guidance and reassurance, then they cannot begin to offer it to us.
This same crazy phenomenon happens in childcare all the time! Many parents go to work each day feeling like they should have asked a question or mentioned a concern, but didn’t for one reason or another. Whether a parent is just beginning the daycare journey or has had kids in daycare for years, providers understand that questions and concerns are bound to arise from time to time, and we encourage you to address these issues immediately. Throughout the years, we have heard many parents mention that they didn’t call their providers when they had concerns because they didn’t want to bother them. Whether it is to check on your child or to simply ask a question, you should never feel like you are bothering your daycare provider, and if you feel like you are, then clearly you have made the wrong choice.
Parents depend on daycare providers to be able to go to work, just as daycare providers depend on having children to care for to be able to work as well. Their job is to help you do the most important job in your life, which is to raise your child. Providers rely on your guidance, your questions and your concerns about your child to help them improve their performance and do their job to the best of their abilities. We are here to discourage you from making false assumptions; instead, pick up your phones and call your providers whenever you feel the need or desire to. This is your child we are talking about, not your cable subscription (which you would actually probably call about)! We want you to ask, question, comment, and inform your providers about anything and everything that crosses your mind at any point, especially when you feel uneasy. When you hesitate to do so, they are often left puzzled, thinking, How could they have left their child with us without knowing or asking about such-and-such?
Baby Bottle Blues
A new mom with a four-month-old baby had enrolled her son in a home daycare and was very pleased during his first few weeks there. Her son was always happy and smiling when she came to pick him up and the provider had nothing but kind words to say about her new bundle of joy! Placing her son in daycare had been an extremely hard thing for her to do and she had looked at many daycares during her search that had honestly scared her. This small home daycare, where a friend also had her child enrolled, had seemed and so far proved to be the perfect choice.
One afternoon, as the mom was picking up her baby, she mentioned to her provider that she would not be going home for several hours as she had errands to run and asked the provider to make her baby a bottle to take along with her. The provider was happy to do so and she quickly grabbed one of the child’s bottles from his basket and mixed a bottle of formula for him to go. The mom then thanked her and she and her baby were off on their way to run errands and enjoy the weekend together.
When the following Monday rolled around and the mom returned to daycare with her baby, the provider noticed she seemed quieter than normal and had a feeling something might be bothering her. After several days of feeling like this, the provider finally confronted the mom and asked her if something was wrong. The mom immediately burst into tears and said that yes, something was very wrong, but she wasn’t going to say anything because she was afraid of her child losing his daycare. The mom proceeded to tell the provider that she had found mold in the bottle she had been given the week before and was completely horrified that her son had consumed an entire bottle that could have made him very sick! She became enraged as she continued to tell the provider how upset she was and she even pulled out her phone to show the provider pictures that she had taken of the moldy bottle.
The provider stood there completely speechless and embarrassed as she listened to the mom and began to understand just how serious of a mistake she had made. She normally washed the babies’ bottles, which had many pieces, and then laid them out to dry. Recently, in trying to be more efficient, she had been putting them back together before they had completely dried and placing them back in the children’s baskets. She was sure this was what had caused the mold to grow but regardless of the cause, this mistake should never have happened. She apologized to the mom and refunded her for several days of care. She also bought the baby all new bottles and promised to send them home each night to be inspected by his mom. In the end, his mom decided to keep her child in that daycare and give the provider another chance. After all, everyone makes mistakes, right?
You may be wondering why this mom waited an entire week to speak up about something she was so clearly distraught over. She continued to bring her son for several more days, even though she feared he could be fed from more bottles that could contain mold, without saying a word! A good daycare provider will always take responsibility for their actions. Mistakes, sometimes even big ones, can and will happen. At the same time, providers rely on parents to speak up when something is wrong, bring issues immediately to their attention and question things that just don’t seem right. Providers cannot begin to remedy situations they are completely unaware of. There should never be fear or hesitation to speak up when your child is concerned. Your child is relying on you to be their voice and your provider is relying on your voice to help them do their job to your satisfaction.
Time to Vent!
One day, a parent whose profession it was to clean office buildings was disturbed by a sight she saw while dropping her son off in his classroom at daycare. The vent that circulated fresh air into the room looked overly dusty and badly overdue for a cleaning. Being in the cleaning business, this bothered her more than it probably did most parents, who may or may not have even noticed it. This issue continued to bother her, day in and day out, for over a week and she was becoming frustrated that nothing was being done about it. One morning she finally decided to bring this issue to the director’s attention.
She first asked the director if the center might be in need of some extra outside cleaning services. When she was politely told no, she then finally mentioned the vent. She nervously stated that although this issue bothered her very much, she had been very happy with everything else in her child’s classroom and with his care, so she didn’t want to create any negative feelings by bringing it up. This was shocking to the director for many reasons and she explained to the parent that they did indeed have a cleaning checklist. This item must have been missed or neglected by the cleaning staff, and the director assured her that it would be taken care of immediately. The director then thanked the parent for bringing it to her attention, and she urged the parent to never again hesitate to bring up an issue or concern of any kind. The parent felt instantly relieved for bringing it up and realized how silly it had been to not have brought it up sooner.
This is a common occurrence in daycare settings. Whether the issue is cleanliness or a child’s behavior, parents are reluctant to speak up. By speaking up, you will accomplish two very important things. First, you will determine if the things that are important to you are also important to your provider. Second, you will be able to determine by the action taken after you have raised an issue, if the provider is the right provider for your child. Your issues should always be addressed in a timely manner with a resolution that you feel is acceptable to you and your child. The best advice that we can give to a parent is to never walk away from your child’s daycare feeling like you should have said something, and didn’t. You just never know when your words will make a difference in the life of a child, be it your own or another’s.
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One day while playing at the park with my daycare kids, I noticed a large van pulling into the parking lot, which was a good distance away from the playground. A minute later, several children came running over to the playground, followed by their daycare provider, and began playing. The provider had seven children in her group and after playing for about 20 minutes, I watched her leave the kids and walk over to her van. As she opened the side doors, I could clearly see two rear facing infant car seats in the first row. A few seconds later, she closed the doors and returned to the park to join her group. She checked on the van one more time another 20 minutes later. I was quite curious about this behavior so as I was leaving with my daycare kids, I walked by her van and sure enough, I found 2 infants sleeping in their car seats, all alone.
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Beware of the Stairs…
A mom had enrolled her 10-month-old baby in a home daycare and she had been very happy with her decision. After months of questioning providers and thoroughly examining their homes, she felt confident that the right choice had been made. This provider had been caring for children for many years, and had several children of her own. Only one thing bothered her, and that was the steep set of stairs leading into the downstairs playroom which she noticed were never gated. Now, after several months had passed, her baby was more mobile and this became an even greater concern. Although she was fearful of her daughter’s safety, she was also reluctant to bring this up, worried that she might offend her provider by implying she was incompetent.
Meanwhile, whenever she would come to pick up her baby, she would ask the other children how their day went, and on one particular day she got an earful! It turned out that one of the provider’s little girls had fallen down the stairs that morning. Upon hearing this, the mom was shocked and her worst fears were confirmed. Before she could even process her thoughts, her daycare provider quickly stepped in to fill her in on the details of what had actually occurred.
The provider’s seven-year-old daughter had a hooded sweatshirt on that morning, and thought it would be funny if she wore it backwards to cover her face. Well, she did exactly that, and while the provider was preparing her children’s lunches for school, her daughter had walked around blindly toward the steps and had fallen down. The provider assured the mom that her own daughter was fine and explained that she was very diligent in watching those stairs where the younger daycare children were concerned. (As most of us know, you needn’t be worried about a seven-year-old falling down steps…unless of course, they have their eyes covered!)
The image of her own baby falling down those stairs was now playing in the mom’s head, and she finally felt that it was a perfect opportunity to express her growing concern. She explained to the provider that she had been worried for months about those steep stairs, and couldn’t understand why a gate was not securing them. The provider was taken aback at first and then asked the mom why she had never said anything about this before, especially since she had been so thorough with everything else. The mom was now embarrassed and explained to her that she trusted her completely and hadn’t wanted to question her judgment. The provider appreciated her trust, but told her she shouldn’t ever worry about offending someone else at the expense of her child’s safety. She continued to explain that she had tried using a gate in the past, but it seemed to attract more children to it. She feared if pushed upon, the gate could snap, causing a child to fall. She reassured the mom that whenever her child was playing in that area, she would push 2 couches together to create a space that her child couldn’t get through to reach the stairs.
It doesn’t make sense that a parent would worry more about offending someone’s feelings than putting their child’s safety first. It’s understandable that most people don’t want to cause a stir, but this is not acceptable when it comes to your child. Create all the stir that’s necessary to keep your child safe! It made the mom feel better to hear all the precautions the provider was taking to protect her child, and she felt bad that it had taken an accident to realize how important it was to just speak up whenever she had concerns. This is your child we are talking about and if you don’t speak up, who will? It never hurts to ask…but it may end up hurting your child not to.
Don’t Feel Bad
Many times parents are reluctant to bring up a concern or make a complaint about a teacher because they “feel bad” and “don’t want to get them in trouble”. One mom went so far as to say she felt like a “nark” for tattling on her child’s teacher. Parents need to understand that their concerns should be considered a top priority at daycare. Teachers are often not even aware that something they did (or didn’t do) was taken offense to if it’s not brought to their attention. Most teachers that take pride in the care they offer will appreciate the feedback and use it to improve their performance.
On two separate occasions, a mom picked up her son from daycare with wet pants. Both times when she arrived, the children were laying down watching a movie. She realized the teacher may not have noticed these accidents, given the situation, but she was still bothered by it and felt that the children should have been monitored more closely. She was also concerned about the amount of TV. time the children were having and questioned the movie choices the teacher allowed. After the second occurrence, still hesitant, she finally brought her concerns to the director’s attention.
The first thing the director asked was if these concerns had been brought to the teacher’s attention yet. The mom replied, “no” because she felt uncomfortable in doing so, and didn’t want the teacher to be intimidated by her or treat her child differently because she was complaining. Also, this teacher was fairly new and the mom hadn’t felt like she had really bonded with her yet. The director understood her situation and encouraged her to take the time to get to know staff so she would feel more comfortable to discuss issues that came up. She also reminded her that a good team takes everyone’s participation, and her child’s teachers, as well as the director, were on that team with her, where open and honest communication were key to a successful outcome. If the mom felt at any point her concerns were not being addressed by the teachers to her satisfaction, then she should come to the director.
The following day, these concerns were addressed with the teacher, and later the director shared the conversation with the mom. Unfortunately, a misunderstanding about the center’s TV. rules and the teacher forgetting which children needed extra potty reminders, were the cause for the undesirable incidents that had occurred. As the mom listened, she understood how busy childcare teachers could be and appreciated the immediate attention taken to resolve these issues. She also didn’t have any bad feelings toward the teacher and realized she should’ve spoken up sooner (to her child’s teacher) before the problems occurred a second time. She promised going forward, she would keep open lines of communication with her child’s teachers and work with them on issues as they arose.
In this example, it’s a child whose clothes didn’t get changed, but this story rings true for so many issues parents neglect to bring up to avoid hurting the teacher’s feelings. We understand the sensitivity aspect of complaining to or about someone you and your child will still be interacting and working closely with daily. At the same time, this is precisely the reason why it is so important to bring these issues up immediately. We want to impress upon you the importance of being your child’s voice and advocate in their daycare and in their life! Things will get missed and problems will occur; the important factor is, once an issue is brought up, is immediate action taken toward resolving it? The right provider will always make you feel glad you came forward and will offer you a solution that should bring you peace of mind.