Turbulent Times
16.Home Away From Home
Where love and learning continue and second families are found…
A child’s first experiences of love, comfort, security, and a sense of belonging begin at home; therefore, it’s important for a child’s daycare setting to also feel that way. This is especially true for children that spend more waking hours at daycare than they do at home. When kids feel that sense of comfort, connection, and belonging, they have a better chance of succeeding. Not only will they adapt to their new environment more quickly, but they will be more receptive to learning and interacting with other children, and ready to thrive and accept what daycare has to offer.
Daycare can offer a wealth of knowledge and experiences, and offer diversity to children that might not be exposed to it otherwise. It can also teach them to grow and develop a broader sense of their world. In the end, whether it’s a home daycare or a center, children who are happy and comfortable in their daycare environment will excitedly look forward to each new day, knowing that friends, fun and new experiences await. Some children will like their daycare so much, they will cry when it’s time to go home, and some will even ask if they can go to daycare on the weekends.
When this happens, and it does happen occasionally, it’s a great indication that your child loves their daycare and it’s an even greater compliment to your child’s provider. As hard as this can be for parents to understand, they shouldn’t take it personally. Instead, they should celebrate the fact that they made a great choice for their child! Finding a place where their child is happy and eager to go to everyday should offer parents tremendous peace of mind that their child is in good hands.
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Some kids arrive at daycare extremely early and are often waiting in driveways and parking lots for daycare to open. Many daycares offer special accommodations for these children and let them go back to sleep in quiet areas or wear their pajamas to daycare and get dressed later.
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A Kiss for Everyone
Kids that attend home daycares often end up feeling like part of the daycare provider’s family, which is why many parents actually choose home daycares for their children. The kids can become very comfortable in the provider’s home and the provider’s kids can become like their siblings…
A little girl had been attending a home daycare since she was three months old. This little girl loved and adored the daycare provider, her children and her husband, and they loved and adored her as well. As she grew older, she started giving hugs and kisses to everyone at daycare each morning upon arrival, and she would do the same thing each evening upon leaving. Her parents were overjoyed to know that she was so loved by her daycare family and felt so comfortable in their home.
One morning, the daycare provider’s husband was packing his lunch and getting ready to leave for the day. He walked over to his wife and kissed her goodbye, then kissed each of his daughter’s goodbye. As he started to head for the door, the little girl jumped up and ran after him screaming, “me, me!” He turned to look at her and there she stood with her little face looking up at him as if to say, Aren’t you forgetting someone? The provider’s husband smiled at her, then leaned down and kissed the top of her head. She patted her head, smiled, and toddled back over to the group, completely satisfied that she hadn’t been excluded from the goodbye kisses. The same thing happened the next day, and the next, and soon the provider’s husband just knew to include her in his morning routine of goodbye kisses, or he would be very loudly reminded to do so!
As a parent, knowing that your provider loves, cares for and treats your child like one of their own makes going to work so much easier. When your child is excited each morning and can’t wait to leave for daycare or is less than thrilled to go home at night, know that you have done a great job finding a place where your child feels right at home. Many parents worry about the long hours their children spend in daycare, but if your children are loved, well cared for and comfortable in their environment, then why worry? You are doing your job and providing for your family while your kids are growing, learning social and academic skills, and forming lasting friendships. It truly can be a win-win situation!
No, Not Yet!
I was sitting in the office early one afternoon, when I heard a child crying in the lobby. As the center’s director, I know many of the children’s cries by sound but I couldn’t figure out this time who seemed to be so sad. When the cry turned into a loud, high-pitched wail, I became more concerned and jumped to my feet to investigate the situation.
As I opened the office door, I saw a parent kneeling in front of her child, trying unsuccessfully to put on his mittens and hat. My concerns immediately turned to joy as I listened to the child say, “I don’t want to go!” over and over again. This child had never previously attended daycare and had recently begun attending our morning preschool program which ended at 12:30. He was quiet at first but before long, he got into a regular routine and began making friends. As he came to feel more at home in his new environment and really started to enjoy himself, he would often cry at pickup time and beg Mom to let him stay a little longer. That day, however, his tantrum hit a whole new level.
I turned to his mom with a big smile and told her that I felt bad for the tantrum she was having to deal with, but I also couldn’t be happier! She smiled back and admitted that although she’d love to see him get excited about going home, she was glad he was so happy at daycare that he didn’t want to leave. It was truly a heartwarming moment to know that my staff and I had created a warm and loving environment where kids felt comfortable, accepted, and truly at home.
As luck would have it, the mother ended up getting her work hours increased, and he began attending the center full time. We were all so thrilled, and he… well, he was ecstatic!
When a child feels completely comfortable and “at home” in an environment, it should be easy to sense and see in their actions. A happy, smiling child that doesn’t want to go home at the end of the day should give you peace of mind knowing you’ve succeeded in finding the right place.
The Wish
Life has become so busy these days that it’s become a constant struggle to maintain family practices that were so common years ago. Having dinner with one’s family is one of those important bonding times that, for many, has gone to the wayside. These days, kids will eat in the living room, in their room, on the go, and just about anywhere else except at the table with their family. Even those that may eat as a family may find it more distressful at times than enjoyable.
As a parent and a daycare provider, I now get to determine the importance of these practices both in my home and at work. Mealtimes at home, as well as in daycare, can be a time for socializing, bonding and learning important self-help skills. Children can practice family-style dining, passing bowls of food around, and learn to serve themselves and pour from pitchers – sometimes with help. They can try new foods, discover their health benefits, and discuss what makes up a healthy meal. They can also practice good table manners during this time. Some centers have meals catered, where each child will get a pre-portioned tray of food, while others have cooks on staff preparing meals on site.
At many centers, children recite a wish before they eat. A very popular one goes like this: “We wish for peace, love, happiness and food for all the people in the whole world. Thank you for our food.” Kids will sometimes learn to express this wish in sign language as well. Reciting this wish teaches the children to appreciate what they are given and to extend compassion to others. During mealtimes, children have the opportunity to chat with each other, laugh and enjoy social time around a table, just like a family would at home. This is a time when staff can slow down and enjoy some one-on-one time with the children, asking them to share about their weekends or anything else that’s important to them. (Be careful of what they see and hear at home; many times we get to hear about it too!) They learn to respect adults and caregivers by asking to be excused when they are done and to follow a routine of cleaning up their own spot and washing up. Sharing a meal at daycare can teach children so many things and give those who don’t typically get this experience some valuable bonding and socialization time.
Many children will tell us what their meals are like at home, and many involve kids eating on the go on their way to evening activities or in front of a TV. While enjoying a family-like mealtime experience at daycare, they learn and benefit from all that sharing a meal has to offer.
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One day while having breakfast around the table with my daycare kids, one of the kids noticed I was drinking coffee. She cutely stated that her mom also loved to drink coffee and so did her dad. The other kids quickly chimed in with their parents’ favorite drinks and one little boy innocently looked at me and said, “My dad loves beer the best but sometimes on the weekends, he loves whiskey.”
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A little boy had been attending a home daycare since birth and had always felt very happy and secure with his daycare family. At about the age of three, the daycare provider started to notice changes in the child’s behavior as he became very attached to her and would cry when it was time to go home. This initially concerned the provider but, since this child had many friends in daycare, she assumed that he was probably just unhappy about having to leave his friends each day, so she didn’t really give it much more thought.
Soon after, the child started to ask the provider odd questions that didn’t make sense. He would ask her if he could come to daycare on the weekends, if he could sleep over at her house and he started to question the age he would be when daycare would come to an end. The provider again began to worry that something was wrong, so she decided to talk it over with the child’s parents.
The next day when Mom came to pick up her son, as usual the boy ran and hid and didn’t want to go home. The provider felt this was a perfect opportunity to ask Mom if everything was alright. After a silent pause, Mom explained that she and her husband had been going through a really hard time for the past several months and he had just recently moved out and filed for divorce. She also stated that she felt horribly about her son crying a lot during this trying time, and that just recently, he had begun asking to come to daycare even in the evenings. The provider, now able to understand the child’s behavior more clearly, was saddened by this news and wondered why she hadn’t been informed sooner.
Many times families will go through tough times due to sickness of a family member, divorce, or some other circumstance. These are the times when communication becomes very important between parents and providers to address the behavioral changes the children may be experiencing. A child’s daycare should be a place of love and comfort, and daycare providers need to be informed when drastic changes are occurring at home in order to support and help the children transition through these rough times. Having a second family and a home away from home often allows needed comfort and support to children when they need it most.