Give Him Space
18.What Your Child Walks Away With…
They come to us as little ones and leave us with greater minds and hearts.
When your child has been through a wonderful daycare journey, you will see the huge impact of that positive experience on his or her life. When we think of our own children, and how they’ve grown through the years, we can see the effect daycare has had on them and how priceless the influence of their experience has been. We have seen them learn and grow in ways that have amazed us, and have left us with no doubt that a quality childcare experience was the foundation for that outcome.
When children are exposed to other children, especially at a young age, they excel and develop skills that come later for some children that stay at home. Their development of social, verbal, and academic skills can set them ahead of children with no preschool experience. These skills are very important for kindergarten readiness, so it’s to a child’s advantage to establish them early.
We all want the best for our children, but it’s not always easy to know what that is with certainty. When you make the right daycare choice, you will see it in the smiles and excitement that will greet you at the end of each day. You will hear it through their constant chatter when they share all about the fun activities and learning they are experiencing. Most of all, you will feel it as they express in many ways all the love they have come to feel and understanding they have gained about themselves and the world they live in. Although the thought of daycare may have been terrifying at first, we hope through these stories, you will discover what a wonderful experience it can be.
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Once my three-year-old son yelled at his older sister when she got up to leave the dinner table, “You didn’t ask to be excused!” I was so surprised and proud at the same time of how serious he was about following the rules he learned at daycare.
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BFF’S
Many years ago I was working in an Infant Room in a daycare center and was assigned four babies to care for throughout the day as my “primary care group”. All four babies were little girls with birthdays that were only days apart. I loved watching these little girls interact as they smiled and babbled at each other and even held hands at the table while they were being fed. It was amazing to see friendships start at such a young age!
As time went by, the girls moved up to the Toddler Room and they remained very close and often played with only each other. Through the years, they remained best friends, going to one another’s birthday parties and over time, even their moms became close friends. Eventually, they all left the daycare and went to school, but they always kept in touch. Through the years, I have received many birthday invitations, first communion announcements and even prom and homecoming pictures of the girls. Last year, I received four graduation announcements for the girls and was amazed by how fast time had flown by and also that their families were still including me in their lives and updating me on their successes. First friendships really can last a lifetime and knowing that I was there when it all began made it extra rewarding to me as a daycare provider.
Many first friendships and close bonds will come out of a great daycare situation. By exposing your children to other kids at a young age you are also helping them to learn many life lessons that they might not have otherwise been exposed to. Friends are an important part of every child’s life and when they have friends they look forward to seeing each day, daycare can be a very happy place to be!
Please Stop, I Don’t Like That!
Early communication skills allow children to express themselves without having to get physical. It’s very common for children in their toddler years to push, scratch and bite each other as a form of communicating their feelings. A toddler teacher cleverly came up with a very effective way of teaching toddlers how to communicate those feelings of frustration in a different way.
This toddler teacher taught her toddlers, ranging from 16 months to 33 months, to say the phrase, “Please stop, I don’t like that,” while they pound a hand into their open palm. As she continuously practiced this with them, the toddlers caught on quickly! Those who could speak would say the phrase while doing the hand motions, while those who couldn’t would just do the hand motions. When this technique really caught on in the classroom, the amount of biting, hitting and pushing drastically decreased. “It was a sight to see,” as the teacher described, and even the youngest ones, who didn’t speak or use the hand motions, knew what it meant when they saw and heard others around them, or were being told themselves. One parent mentioned how well her two-year-old daughter ended up applying this practice so creatively at home…
When the mom would ask her to pick up her toys, eat her food, get ready for bed, or any other reasonable request, her toddler would look at her with a very straight face and say with a firm tone, “Please stop, I don’t like that,” as she pounded her hand into her palm. The first time this happened, the mom was surprised and amused at her toddler’s response which showed how much her child was learning at daycare. Eventually, it got to the point where this toddler would use this phrase for almost anything she didn’t want to do. The mother had to explain to her child that this phrase (and hand gesture) was meant to stop someone from hurting or bothering her, not to get her out of doing things expected of her. The teacher got a kick out of hearing this, and didn’t realize how well her toddlers would understand and be able to fully apply this concept. She was happy to see they were practicing it outside the daycare, even if it was being a bit abused.
We sometimes underestimate what our children can learn at such a young age. This example reminds us of how incredibly smart children are and their innate ability to apply concepts in their own creative way, above and beyond how they were taught. Repetition with words and actions is key in teaching children new methods and ideas (which also reminds us to always be aware of what we are constantly saying and doing in front of them). The skill of communication, especially at such a young age, is such an important one to have.
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A teacher asked her three-year-old student to please go hang up her coat. The little girl looked at her teacher then continued to color her picture. When the teacher asked her again, she was once again ignored by the child. After asking for the third time with no response, the teacher said to her, “If you asked me to do something, I would listen to you and do it.” Upon hearing this, the child smirked at her teacher then asked in an ever so sweet voice, “Please go hang up my coat.”
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Queen of the Daycare
Kids learn many important life lessons just by being exposed to other children and being in daycare. One very interesting dynamic is that when children who don’t have siblings are placed in daycare, they soon realize that being Queen at home does not mean you are Queen of the daycare. These children learn very quickly what it means to share, take turns, compromise and communicate.
A stay-at-home mom decided to place her three-year-old daughter in a nearby daycare center for three days a week. She wanted some time to herself to run errands and she felt that the child needed more social interaction and time around other children, particularly having recently noticed some troubling behaviors when around other children and friends. She thought if she was in daycare, she would be exposed to kids her own age and learn more appropriate behaviors from them. Since this child was used to getting her own way and had never had to share a single thing in her life, her favorite word was “mine”.
On the first day of daycare, the teachers were delighted to see a smiling cute little blonde girl in pig tails walk through the door. By the end of the day, the teachers realized why Mom needed a break and some time to herself! The little girl had screamed “mine” constantly and had tried to take toys away from almost every child in the room. She had thrown huge tantrums, bitten a child that wouldn’t hand over a doll, and spit her food out and demanded something different when lunch didn’t quite suit her picky little princess palate. The teachers realized very quickly that this child was an “only child” and that she probably had mom and dad running in circles at home to please her. She was used to being given anything she wanted and the parents’ lives clearly revolved around this child’s every need and desire. The teachers had seen many kids like her before and knew very well how being in daycare would soon change this situation.
Daycare is the perfect place to expose a child without siblings to a world full of little chairs where no one has a throne. Though it may be tough at first, and they may take a little longer to adjust, kids eventually learn important life lessons like sharing, taking turns and using words to communicate their feelings effectively without becoming frustrated. “Only” children generally end up loving daycare and making many close friends that substitute as siblings.
Children learn about appropriate behavior and social skills by watching and interacting with other children. One of the greatest things an ‘only’ child takes away from daycare is the experience of being part of a team and learning how to work with others. Exposing children to experiences that broaden their view of their world will prepare them for what lies ahead and help them realize, whether in daycare or in school, there are no Kings and Queens, just friends.
Give Him Space
One day my son, who was four at that time, was playing with a child that had recently been diagnosed with a mild form of autism. This child had been attending our daycare for quite some time and after his diagnosis, his teachers had implemented many practices and techniques that the child could use when he needed a” break”. The other children understood that he occasionally needed some space and learned to work with him and around him, and whenever the child wanted, he was warmly welcomed into the other children’s circle of play. At times, when he became really upset, he would uncontrollably and unintentionally push or scratch a child that was in his way.
On this particular day, while the two were playing, the child suddenly had an outburst and scratched my son’s face, leaving four deep, long, bloody scratches on his cheek. My son was shaken by the incident and I was uncertain and concerned about how he would deal with it. These two had become good friends and I knew my son enjoyed playing with him, so I hoped this incident wouldn’t change that. Later that night, I asked him how he felt about what had happened and his response left me choked up and speechless. He said, “Mom, I know he didn’t mean it. He needed a break and I should’ve left him alone when I saw he was getting upset. It’s ok, I still like playing with him.” At that moment, I was so full of pride for the kind of (little) man he had already become.
I saw another great example of the empathy he had learned when he was turning six and making plans for his birthday party. He wanted to invite three boys, whose parties he had recently gone to, plus one other boy. I had recently met this other boy and his mom at their school Halloween party and his mom had informed me at that time that her son had ADHD, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. When my son passed out his invitations, this mom called me, almost in tears, to thank me for inviting her son, who hadn’t been invited to any of the other birthday parties yet that year. She also mentioned that her son talked about my son a lot, and she was so grateful that he had made a friend in school. I was so touched, and proudly told her that I had nothing to do with the friends he chose to invite, and that my son considered her son to be one of his “best friends”. I knew I owed much of his ability to feel compassion toward others, and acceptance of their differences without judgment, to the diversity he was exposed to at daycare and to all he was taught by his caring and compassionate daycare teachers.
The child who was diagnosed with autism was such a sweet and loving child. We, as staff, felt so very fortunate to have been blessed with him in our lives, and still reminisce about him. In many situations, we can learn as much from, if not more than, the children we’re teaching. It’s all about how the situation is presented and accepted. Learning to accept diversity and seeing the beauty that each individual has to offer is one of the greatest lessons a child can receive at an early age.
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A child was asked by his parent, as they were leaving daycare, if he was a good boy or bad boy that day. The child replied, “I’m not bad. I just forget to use my listening ears sometimes. But today I had them on.” The way a thought or feeling can be changed just by using different words can make the difference between success and failure. Teaching a child new ways to consider their behavior gives them ownership of it instead of having to label themselves as one thing or another.
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