Pop-Ins
1.The Journey Begins…
Where Do I Start?
Much like the scene in The Wizard of Oz where Dorothy suddenly finds herself in a brightly-colored world custom-made for little people, many parents also find themselves in unfamiliar territory when it comes to the search for the right daycare. Walking into a daycare center or home daycare for the very first time can be a strange experience and many are overwhelmed and unsure of what to expect. Most parents don’t have a true understanding of what a quality childcare program should offer so they don’t know exactly what to ask or what to look for during their search. What does a quality childcare program really consist of and how much of what you see during a tour is realistically happening each day?
When you have children and you are preparing for the huge transition of placing them in daycare, you are setting out on a journey which can bring about a roller coaster of emotions. You may experience fear, anxiety, excitement and/or guilt all at the same time, and all these emotions are completely normal and to be expected. Even the most planned and prepared parents may experience last minute doubts and fears and occasionally second-guess their choices. Having confidence that you have made the right daycare decision will keep these emotions from getting the best of you and allow you to drop off your child on their first day without completely falling apart. The real question, then, is how can you be sure you are making the right daycare choice for your child?
Becoming educated and knowing what to look for in a quality childcare program will get you headed in the right direction. Knowing you’ve asked the right questions, received the right answers, and ensured you and your child both feel comfortable in this new environment will alleviate many of your fears and help you both get through those first few rough days with a little more ease. We know how it feels to let go of control and trust someone else to care for your child. In sharing these stories, we hope to help you gain clarity and prepare you for what to expect along the way and offer reassurance that a successful outcome is indeed possible. If you fail to plan, you can plan to fail, but, like Dorothy, if all the right steps are taken down the long winding yellow brick road, daycare can be the beginning of a wonderful journey for both you and your child.
The Insurance Plan
Recently, I met a mom that was just a few weeks away from having her first child. She had a cute little round belly, a beautiful glow on her face and she just about burst with excitement every time she mentioned her baby. I was actually meeting with this woman to discuss insurance needs but, shortly after I walked into her office, the topic quickly turned to daycare.
Upon entering her office, I immediately noticed that her small, tidy space was a bit cramped. She had a portable crib set up in one corner, and a swing, bouncy chair and changing table in another. I assumed that she had probably decided to work while taking care of the baby, but when I asked, she explained that she had actually enrolled her baby at the daycare center right across the street. Now this seemed strange to me, but once again, I assumed that she probably didn’t get much of a maternity leave and wanted to have the baby in her office for a short time. Once again, I was wrong. This happy, glowing, soon-to-be new mom looked at me and said, “I’m not sure if I will be able to just sit here and work knowing my baby is across the street being cared for by strangers, so I plan to go get him a lot.” I immediately started to laugh as I completely understood and sympathized with this mom. What mom hasn’t dropped their child off at daycare and then cried all the way to work?
When I explained to her that I had done daycare for years both at home and in a center, I could instantly see that she looked relieved as if she had been thrown a lifeline in her sea of worries and fears. She asked me what she was supposed to do when she missed her baby. How was she supposed to get any work done and what if she cried all day? Having been on the other side of this coin for so long, I’d forgotten how hard it must be for new moms to be separated from their babies. As a provider, I realized I was always concerned with only the baby’s first day.
I explained to her that it might be a better idea if she went and spent time rocking and feeding her baby in the infant room at the center, rather than bringing her baby back and forth to work, in between clients. Her eyes opened wide and she looked at me like I was crazy! “Can I really do that?” Now I was the one that was surprised… “It’s your baby!” I said, and reassured her that any quality daycare should have an open-door policy for parents. They should welcome you to come at any time, to see, feed, rock, and just bond with your baby. I also stated that by doing this, she would get to know the child’s caregivers in a more personal way and begin to develop more trust in them. Her baby would also become used to his new environment sooner if he stayed there all day and got used to a routine. I encouraged her to call the daycare whenever she felt the need to…call to ask how the baby is, what the baby is doing, to express any concerns, or just to say you’re missing him. She took comfort in knowing that a quality daycare provider would understand and be happy to hear from her and put her at ease.
By the end of our conversation, she seemed tremendously relieved, repeatedly saying over and over how happy she was to have met me and been given all this new information. She now felt she could move the nursery out of her office and bring it back home, with the exception of the tiny bassinet, and felt empowered and confident that she could be a working mom who wouldn’t be crying at her desk all day. I still wondered why her new daycare hadn’t reassured her in all of these areas but she did mention that on her tour she really hadn’t known what to ask and in the back of her mind she knew she had a back-up office/nursery. I don’t think an insurance policy was bought that day but that visit happened for a much greater reason. I walked away wondering how many moms sit at their desks each day missing their babies without knowing what to do about it. As I left the office, she called out to me from down the hall, “Someone should really write a book about all this stuff!” “Thanks,” I replied knowingly, “I’ll keep that in mind.”
Just Around the Corner
When my own search for daycare began (back in the day), I opened up the yellow pages and there it was! Unbeknownst to me, after living in my current home for over a year, there was a daycare center right around the corner and up the street. So excited about its proximity, I couldn’t wait to go check it out. Having never stepped foot into a home or daycare center before, I had no idea what to expect. I took my excited little girl and off we went to our scheduled visit and tour of our first daycare center.
As we entered the first set of doors leading into the center, I was impressed to find a second door containing a security system that had to be buzzed to let us in. Once inside, we met with the director, who greeted us warmly, and walked us over to the classroom my daughter would be in. I vividly remember looking around and being amazed and delighted as I took in this little world built just for kids. I marveled at the little tables, sinks, and chairs all around me, and at the cubbies where kids kept their personal items. There were even little cots made for the children to lay and nap on. What impressed me further were the lesson plans on the wall detailing what the kids were learning each day. I wasn’t even aware at that time that little two-year-olds could learn so much! Continuing to examine the furniture and toys in the classroom, I noticed a big playhouse in the middle of the room that looked dirty, so I ran my fingers over the side of the house, but nothing came off. Noticing my actions and concern, the director explained to me that the house was wiped clean daily, along with the other toys, but that toys didn’t look new for long in a room where they are played with and cleaned so often. Aside from being a little nervous about illness and all of the germs my healthy daughter would now be exposed to, I was excited about this new experience for her and happy she’d have a roomful of children her age to play with.
I signed her up feeling confident about my decision, but after she started, I still cried on my way to work each day for the next two weeks. I would spend a little extra time in her classroom each morning to make drop-off easier, but she would still cry each time I left; I’m not sure who it was harder on, me or her. Sometimes she would latch onto me so tightly I had to ask the teachers for help to pry her off so I could leave. This broke my heart, but what made it easier was that each time I returned to pick her up, she was in no rush to leave. She would excitedly show me the things she did that day and would point out some of her favorite toys and friends.
Eventually, dropping her off became easier for both of us, but things still just didn’t feel right to me. I complained more than once about her face being dirty, but didn’t see much improvement. At least once a week I would see a new “teacher” in her room and when I would call to check on her, which was daily at first, whoever answered usually sounded annoyed and made me feel like I was being a bother. I didn’t appreciate feeling uncomfortable about calling to check on my child whom I’d left in someone else’s care that was still like a stranger to me. It soon became a place to just drop her off, leave, then pick her up again and go. I didn’t feel a sense of belonging or welcome there and it certainly didn’t feel like a home away from home, which is what I was ultimately looking for. I eventually pulled her out, but the realizations I made there led me on a path to build and create the kind of environment I had envisioned for my child… the type of environment I felt most parents were hoping to find.
We all have different priorities and different visions of what the perfect daycare should entail. Ultimately, if you are paying enough attention to the signs and keeping your eyes open, you will know if your daycare is the right place for you and your child. I definitely knew I wanted my child in a center, rather than a home daycare, because I felt a center had more to offer and was a safer option, but I still wanted that feeling of a home-away-from-home. I wanted to feel a sense of belonging there but, looking back, I’m not sure if they even knew my first name. Having to identify myself as someone’s mom each time I called didn’t feel right, nor did the fact that I never got a full tour of that center – something I’d overlooked back then which became obvious to me once I began giving parents a full tour of my own center.
It was a great first experience that taught me a lot about the daycare world, but even more about myself and what I wanted for my own children. It gave me the determination and drive to create something different, a center with structured learning and expanded opportunities that would also act and feel as a home-away-from-home for parents and their children. My ongoing goal is to build relationships with each family we serve, to act as their extended family, and to have their children feel loved, accepted and celebrated each day for who they are. Children don’t choose to be placed in daycare but we have a choice in where to place them. Choose wisely and your children will someday thank you for it!
Check the Check!
A good home daycare provider expects parents to come to their initial interview with a list of questions to ask. She expects to show you every room in her house and she expects you to bring your whole family to meet her family while interviewing. These are common occurrences at a daycare interview and also a good opportunity for you to see how your child interacts with not only the provider, but with her children and family as well. Each parent handles these situations differently. Many parents come to the initial meeting without their children and arrange a later time for the provider to meet their kids while others bring their children and spend hours just getting to know the provider and letting intuition be their guide. No matter how you choose to find a provider, the bottom line is you need to feel with 100% certainty that you are making the right decision. Make sure you check everything that needs to be checked and there’s no doubt left in your mind that your child is in the best possible environment to get the best possible care.
A new mom had called to schedule an interview with a home daycare provider who came highly recommended. She was only six months pregnant, but she was a planner! She wanted every last detail ironed out before she hit the delivery table and she was confident that she would leave no stone unturned to find perfection. She had actually already interviewed several providers that didn’t quite make the cut for one reason or another and she was ready to keep looking.
She arrived at her interview, which was at a home very close to her own, with her list of every possible question that could be asked and a long checklist of do’s and don’ts for the provider. She spent several hours getting to know the potential provider and her family, while checking out every square inch of the house. She had gotten such a great feeling by the end of her visit that she informed the provider she was sure this was the right place for her new baby.
Several months later and a few short days before the baby would start daycare, the mom stopped by with her new little bundle of joy. She stated she was excited to return to work and wanted to make sure she had everything taken care of beforehand. She unpacked clothes, diapers, wipes, a brand new car seat and her neat little stack of paperwork with every “i” dotted and every “t” crossed. What she did next was rather puzzling to the provider. She handed over a check for her child’s first week of daycare, but the provider’s first name was the only thing written on the “pay to” line. When the provider questioned her about it, she lightly brushed it off and replied that she wasn’t sure of her last name and asked the provider to fill in that part. This came as quite a shock to the provider who thought that the mom, upon the initial interview, would have at least had her checked out by the FBI if not a private investigator!
Why would a parent spend so much time getting to know a provider, her family, her home and her schedule, but then solely rely on her instincts or the feeling she got rather then check out the facts? As a parent, it is your job to keep your children safe. If a provider might have something to hide, it is your job to find it. Yes, intuition should play a huge role in your day-to-day relationship with your daycare provider, but if you have one bit of doubt about leaving your children in someone’s care, then you shouldn’t leave them with that person. Don’t walk away without asking that question that’s weighing on your mind or go to work if you’re feeling doubt about anything at all. Address the issues as they arise and don’t ever be afraid to speak up. After all, your child’s safety and well-being might just depend on it.
Pop-Ins
Growing up, I remember always having a steady stream of relatives and neighbors popping by unannounced, at any given moment, to visit and have Turkish coffee with my parents. When I first opened my daycare center, it felt like that all over again…
After operating for only a few months, I had many parents that just showed up at my center unannounced wanting a tour. When I would ask parents how they found or heard about us, many would say they were just driving by and decided to “pop in”. My staff and I were able to give most parents an “on the spot” tour, but soon, as we became busier, it became harder and harder to accommodate tours that just stopped by. At that point, we realized even though it was still important to maintain an open-door policy so parents could feel free to stop in at any time, if they wanted a proper tour, they would need to make an appointment.
What parents need to keep in mind is that a tour by appointment may not give them a true portrayal of how the room being toured is realistically being run so they should make a point of popping in unannounced before a final decision is made. When a center has a tour scheduled, chances are they will have that room looking and operating at its best for that scheduled time, so it’s important to also see it when company is not expected. Every now and then, whether a tour is scheduled or not, a room can fall apart and be a complete disaster and, unfortunately for us, this is how one family experienced it during their tour…
A family that had never used daycare before had set up an appointment to tour our preschool room, and they were quite nervous and excited to meet with us and begin the process of touring daycares. After a brief introduction in the lobby, I walked the parents into the preschool room, where lunch was just getting served. As I was introducing the staff and responding to all the “hellos” from the children, one child’s nose started to bleed. This child would have random nose bleeds from time to time, so it was nothing for us to be alarmed about, but definitely something that needed immediate attention. While the teacher tended to the bloody nose, the assistant monitored the other 17 children. Soon, everything went haywire!
As one child spilled the pitcher of milk all over the table, another child, who had just recently moved up from the toddler room, had an accident and began to cry as a “puddle” formed in his seat and under his chair. I apologized to the parents standing there in mid-tour and jumped right in to help. The startled parents watched quietly and waited patiently until once again things were under control. Then I resumed the tour, showing them the entire center and ending with, “It’s usually not this crazy.” I was pretty sure they didn’t believe me and I didn’t expect to hear from them again. However, to my surprise, they called us back three days later, after finishing their round of daycare tours, to let my staff and I know they decided to enroll their child at our center. Despite the craziness, they had found what they were looking for in a quality childcare center: staff that knew the children personally and cared more about helping the children than trying to impress and enroll another family. Genuine care, concern, and sincerity will always shine through and rise to the top.
Touring daycares is a very different experience than popping into other kind of facilities for a quick tour. Make sure you have the time needed to observe, ask about, and evaluate everything you see and hear during a tour in order to determine if you feel 100% comfortable with that daycare. An appointment is highly recommended since additional staff may not always be available at any given moment to provide a tour. Keep in mind that a thorough tour could take anywhere from 20 minutes to an hour; my longest tour was close to 2 hours! Once you’ve completed your tour, ask if you are allowed to return with your child and spend time in your child’s classroom, at your convenience. If the center or home daycare provider does not allow this, then think twice about choosing that provider. No center or provider is perfect, but there shouldn’t be anything to hide either, so parents should be encouraged to return for additional unannounced visits as they wish.
Ultimately, you will form your own opinion of any daycare that you visit or tour, especially when you see them in action. Go with your gut instinct and when you’re on the fence, ask more questions and spend more time there until you feel certain. Always make sure you ask to see every classroom in any center or room in a home daycare, not just the ones your child will be in as well as the outside play area. Being thorough with your search, and popping in at different times to observe mealtime and naptime routines will give you an overall better sense of the experience that awaits your child.