Giving it Time
13.You Just Might be Surprised…
Life’s little surprises are usually the best!
Everyone loves a surprise, but few are as heartwarming as surprises that involve children. When the day arrives for your child to start daycare, you may be nervous and unsure about how your child will do. What you may not expect is how well your child ends up embracing this experience.
Certain parents feel if they place their children in daycare, their children will end up scarred in some way. It is usually these same kids that tend to thrive and enjoy the experience the most. Letting your kids go and trusting that you are leaving them in good hands will show you how strong and adaptable they really are, and you just might learn a thing or two about them in the process. Parents may leave a crying child at the door, and feel guilty and sad all day long, but their children, on the other hand, may be busy playing five minutes later without a care in the world!
Remember, daycare is a little world custom made for children that’s full of people and things their own size. Just because you cannot be with your child, doesn’t mean that they are at a disadvantage. Instead of feeling guilty, parents should feel good about giving their children the opportunity to learn and socialize at such a young age. The following stories will open your eyes to just what an advantage these kids really do have. You just might be surprised how ready your child is to be a part of this world!
Daycare Dilemma…
Daycare providers are used to getting calls from nervous parents that have no idea what to ask or first steps to take. These parents usually have the enthusiasm of a person calling the dentist to schedule a root canal. Typically, though, after a few minutes of guidance and a little reassurance, they calm down and realize that their kids are not going off to boot camp, just daycare. Occasionally, we will get a call from a parent who is resentful about having to put their child in daycare because they have to start working and have no choice. These are the interesting calls…
A mom called a home daycare provider and asked if she could enroll her two-year-old boy, but just for a week or two. Knowing that kids sometimes need short-term care for different reasons, the daycare provider said yes, then inquired about this parent’s situation. The mom was silent on the other end for a little while, then she started to cry! Confused by this, the provider asked the mom what was wrong. The mom sadly replied that she didn’t work or need to put her child in daycare but her husband felt their child needed time with other kids. The provider then asked why she needed only two weeks of care, and the mom said she agreed with her husband to a two-week trial period. After that time, if the child was not happy, then she would not continue using daycare. The provider hesitantly agreed to meet with the family and they set up an interview for the following day.
The next day arrived and the family was almost an hour late for their appointment. They all seemed pretty miserable when they arrived and the provider assumed correctly that the daycare debate was continuing. As they began to discuss their child, it was quickly apparent that mom and dad were on two very different pages. Mom felt daycare was not only unnecessary, but that children under five should be at home with their families. Dad felt the boy needed exposure to other children and to begin learning skills needed for school readiness. During this debate, the one thing that surprised the provider was the child! He had very independently chosen a toy train from a tall shelf of buckets and was sitting on a carpet nearby playing happily.
Well, after much consideration, the parents decided to give daycare a try, though Mom was still very much against it, and the following Monday morning both parents showed up to drop their child off. Although the provider was nervous about how the day would go, she assured the parents that everything would be fine, so they finally left. Hesitantly, the provider introduced the child to the other kids and without so much as a tear, he walked over and chose the same train from the shelf and began to play without a second thought. The rest of the day went smoothly as the child played, ate his meals, had his diapers changed and took a nap. He didn’t speak much to the other kids but the fact that he was doing so well for the first day, away from Mom, was all that mattered.
Later that afternoon, after several phone calls, Mom came through the door looking like she had been crying all day and stopped in her tracks when she saw her son. He was sitting at a small table with three other kids eating animal crackers and looking quite content. She had obviously expected the worst and now was pleasantly surprised. The provider explained to his mom that the child had indeed had a great day and the days that followed were even better. This boy loved coming to daycare, he made friends, learned new things each day and, three years later, he is still attending the same daycare and still loving it.
Obviously in this situation, Mom was not ready to let her child go, which was no surprise since no mom ever is. As parents, it’s extremely scary to send our kids into new situations for fear that they won’t be able to handle themselves without us, but in reality, it’s the best thing we can do for them. Kids are born eager to learn, grow, develop, and make friends and they thrive when they are placed in loving, stimulating environments. Parents often find themselves surprised at how well their children react to the daycare environment.
I Need Holding
A common concern among parents of infants is whether or not their babies will get enough attention and be held enough – especially for babies that are held a lot at home.
A parent once called to get information about my center and she surprised me with a very odd question. She asked if we would enroll a baby that was held a lot at home. I didn’t understand her question until she explained that the infant teacher at the last center she toured told her she needed to stop holding her baby so much so he would get used to what it would be like in daycare. I was surprised to hear this, and could tell she was too. She went on to tell me that she had even double-checked with her baby’s pediatrician if holding her baby too much would be harmful in any way. Of course the doctor had assured her that no baby could be “spoiled” just by being held too much. It really bothered me that someone, especially in the childcare field, would say something so ridiculous and make a parent question their loving actions. I shared my own experience with her and explained how I couldn’t hold my children enough when they were babies. I got really good at doing everything with one arm, as I held them in the other. I never wanted to put them down, and I would actually get sad when they fell asleep, knowing I should lay them down instead of hauling them around as I did chores.
I shared with her a story of another parent who, prior to enrolling, also had similar concerns about her baby being held enough…
This mother already had her older children in our care for several years, but when it came time to enroll her newborn baby, she was very nervous about the care and attention he would receive. I explained to her how staff always did their best to hold all the babies as much as they could. In addition, if they needed an extra hand, between myself, the assistant director and office assistant, one or more of us were almost always available to help. (And we loved holding babies!) I also told her I was certain her baby would quickly adjust to his new environment, and with so much constant activity and stimulation in the classroom, he probably wouldn’t need to be held as much as he was at home anyway. Nevertheless, she remained concerned and warned that she would be calling often to check on him.
On the child’s first day, I sat and had a little chat with our new two-month-old student. As I spoke to him and let him know we would hold him as much as possible but he would have to work with us in order to have a successful experience, he stared at me with wide-eyed curiosity. I think I even saw a tiny smile appear on his cute little face. I then called his mom and told her about our little chat; she was amused and thanked me for the update.
As expected, he did cry a bit more during his first couple weeks, but by the third week, he had settled into his new environment and hardly ever cried. He had many new things to look at, a lot of stimulation from music playing and teachers singing, and plenty of new friends to socialize with. He turned out to be one of the happiest and most content babies in the room! His mother was both surprised and relieved at how well her son had adjusted in such a short period of time…but that didn’t stop him from still wanting to be held a lot at home!
No one should ever tell parents that they hold their baby too much; on the contrary, we could all use more “downtime” just holding and cuddling our children (if they let us.) Once they turn three, they usually don’t care to be cuddled as much, so we have to get it all in while we can. Babies that are held often usually end up feeling more secure as a result.
It’s obviously not possible for babies to be held in daycare as much as they are at home, or immediately each time they cry. Centers without extra staff available cannot always tend to a crying baby immediately; regardless, all crying babies should be cared for within a reasonable amount of time. The infant room can be the most stressful to handle without extra support, so find out how your daycare handles this issue. At the end of the day, as long as children are surrounded by loving, caring individuals that strive to give as much attention and affection as possible, they will receive all the benefits of a positive daycare experience.
One Size Doesn’t Fit All…
Parents need to consider many factors when trying to find the perfect daycare fit for their child. Will the location fit into their commute? Will the tuition fit into their budget? While searching for the perfect fit, do parents consider if their child will be a good fit for that daycare environment?
At two years old, a very active little boy was enrolled in a home daycare down the street from his house. His mom had warned the provider upon enrolling him that he was a very busy child and always on the go! She also mentioned that he had given up naps a year earlier and his last home daycare provider had a hard time keeping up with him. Even though the daycare provider was used to caring for active kids, this information did make her a bit nervous; nevertheless, she happily accepted the adorable child and welcomed him into her daycare. Since she always kept her daycare kids very busy with daily walks to the park, swimming lessons in the summer and a large play set and trampoline in her backyard, she was fairly certain he would do just fine.
A few weeks went by and this little boy quickly became everyone’s best friend. He was happy, extremely verbal and, like his mom had warned, always operating at full speed. The provider couldn’t help but love the charming toddler but quickly learned that he created many safety hazards she wasn’t prepared for. He would take off at full speed across an open field while they were playing at the park. He would open doors and try to run into the street while they were home. And he would fearlessly perform dangerous stunts while playing on outdoor equipment or the trampoline. The provider soon felt helpless and out of control. If the child wasn’t directly next to her, she would fear he may run away, and she would have to leave the other children, including babies, unattended while she chased after him. As much as she hated to let this child go, she knew that a small home daycare with kids of many ages was not the right place for him. He needed a daycare center where he would be in a classroom with other kids his age, and a lot of constant activity and stimulation. He also needed to be in a daycare where more than one caregiver was available to care for the group. The provided arranged a meeting with the child’s parents and, a week later, the provider sadly said goodbye to him.
The silver lining to this cloud is that after several weeks the mom sent the provider a thank you card saying the child was doing great in his new daycare center. He had settled in quickly, made new friends, and she was no longer worried about his safety or the safety of others in the daycare. You might just be surprised to find out that when problems arise at daycare, it might have more to do with the environment than the child. One environment really doesn’t suit all when it comes to daycare, just as one workplace doesn’t suit the personality of every adult. This sweet little boy’s behavior was considered to be a problem and he was being asked to leave home daycares, but in reality, he was just in a setting that couldn’t accommodate his high-energy. The checklist is long when trying to find the perfect fit, but make sure matching your child’s personality to the environment is at the top of that list.
Giving it Time
During the initial start at a new daycare, drop-offs can often be more difficult, and sometimes a child can take longer to adjust than expected. Parents may end up leaving their crying children behind, only to then worry about them for the rest of the day. It is especially difficult for children that begin daycare for the first time at three or four years of age. They tend to have a much harder time getting accustomed to new caregivers as well as being in a new environment surrounded by many children.
A little boy started daycare a month shy of turning three. Since one of his parents had always stayed home, the child hadn’t needed daycare, but his parents felt it was time he got some socialization and learning, and enrolled him part-time at a center. This child was also an only child, which in many cases can make it that much more difficult to adjust to an environment where attention from adults can spread thin, and toys need to be shared.
During his first few weeks in daycare, the child cried every time he was dropped off and, for a while, after his parents would leave. He would also hold onto his security blanket throughout the day, sucked his thumb often and didn’t eat well at mealtimes. Since his parents were concerned about the difficulty he was having, they would often call to check on him. His teachers admitted that he was having a difficult time but they also expressed their optimism of his eventually doing better, reassuring the parents that different children adjusted at different paces. His parents remained concerned and apprehensive whether the day would ever come when the teachers would report that their son had finally adjusted and was doing well.
Somewhere into the third month, the child stopped using his blanket as much but still occasionally sucked his thumb. Things continued to progress slowly and, in time, he gradually began to socialize and interact with the other children. Unfortunately, he would still get very upset during drop-offs and continued to not eat much at mealtimes. These two issues deeply concerned his parents, and they began doubting the decision they had made to place their child in daycare.
One day, his mom contacted the center’s director about her concerns. She wasn’t sure if her son should continue to attend, and wondered if he might do better in a smaller daycare setting, with less children. Aware of the progress this child had made, the director was surprised at the mom’s hesitation to continue. She thought the mom was also aware of his progress, but soon realized she wasn’t witness to her child’s experiences at daycare as the teachers were. The director tried to encourage her with many examples of progress that she and the teachers had seen over the course of the past few months which proved that her child was in fact enjoying this experience more than he let on: He was participating in activities and had made some good friends, which had really helped the child come out of his shell. After hearing this information, the mom felt much better and decided to keep him enrolled.
A few more months went by and the child had really transformed by this point. He had begun to look forward to coming to daycare each day and was enjoying all that it had to offer. One evening, when his mom came to pick him up, he began crying immediately at the sight of her. She and her teachers shared a worried look, unsure of what set him off. Then the child yelled out to his mom, “I don’t want to go yet!” As surprised and overjoyed as his mom was, the staff was even more ecstatic. They took great pride in this child’s breakthroughs, knowing they played a big part in his accomplishments. To this day, when he gets upset because it’s time to leave, his mom and teacher share a look that says, Is this the same child that was struggling to adjust only a few months ago?
Different children may do better in different size groups but, ultimately, it’s the environment and the caregiver’s encouragement that will determine a child’s success in daycare. This particular case showed how it could take a lot longer than usual for some children to adjust, but that any child can eventually find happiness in a setting where he feels loved, secure and comfortable. Parents might just be surprised how well their children can adapt and flourish when given some time.
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A parent whose child was new to daycare was having a hard time believing teachers that her toddler would cry for only five minutes after she left each morning. After being dropped off, he would throw such a fit, sometimes even throwing himself onto the floor, that it was making her miserable to leave him like that. One morning, her child’s teacher suggested she wait outside the classroom for five minutes, then check on him again. She did this and, sure enough, when she peeked in, he had not only stopped crying, but he was playing too! So happy and relieved to see this, she continued to watch him probably longer than she should have, and suddenly he caught a glimpse of her and ran back to the door again and began crying again! It’s amazing how fast they can squeeze those tears out! She knew at that point he was just fine, and quickly got over the guilt of leaving her crying son at the door each morning.
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