Chapter 19: Verbal
CHAPTER 19
VERBAL
It’s happened to me over and over. Someone comes up to me at a social gathering and asks what I’m working on. I answer that it’s a book about sins that Christians often tolerate. “Oh,” the other person says, “you mean like gossip.”
Apparently, gossip is a biggie in Christian circles, but it’s far from the only “talking sin.” Any speech that tears down another person — someone we are talking about or someone we are talking to — is sinful speech. And the Bible is full of warnings against that. Proverbs alone contains about sixty. Jesus warned that we will give account for every careless word we speak (see Matthew 12:36). And then there is that well-known passage in James 3 that speaks of how powerful and destructive the human tongue can be. James said it’s like a deadly poison or a small fire that sets a forest ablaze!
The Scripture that has helped me most to deal with my own talking sins, however, is Ephesians 4:29: “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” This verse is an application of Paul’s “put off/put on” principle described in Ephesians 4:22-24. We are to put off the sinful traits of the old self and put on the gracious traits of the new self created in Christ. In this case, we’re putting off negative speech and putting on positive, grace-filled speech.
Note Paul’s absolute prohibition: No corrupting talk. This means no gossip, no sarcasm, no critical speech, no harsh words. All forms of speech that could tear down others must be banished from our speech, including that Christian biggie, gossip.
Gossip involves spreading personal “news” about someone else. Even if the information is true — and often it isn’t! — gossip can still be harmful. At best, it’s using someone else to feed our egos. At worst, it can ruin a person’s life. And attempting to disguise gossip as Christian concern — “Here’s a prayer concern” — doesn’t help one bit.
Closely related to gossip is the sin of slander — making a false statement or misrepresentation that damages another person’s reputation to gain an advantage over that person. Political campaigns are notorious for doing this, but Christians do it too. We slander when we ascribe wrong motives to people, accuse our fellow Christians of not being godly enough, misrepresent another person’s views without first determining what those views are, or blow other people’s failings out of proportion.
Slander is actually a form of lying, but it’s not the only one. Most of us will avoid making a blatantly false statement, but exaggeration, failing to tell the whole truth, or indulging in “little white lies” also count as “corrupting.” So does critical speech — negative but unnecessary observations such as “That shirt looks awful on him!” or “She just can’t sing.”
Sins of the tongue can involve the way we talk to one another as well as the way we talk about one another. “Talking to” sins include harsh words, sarcasm, insults, and ridicule, usually driven by impatience or anger and intended to put down, humiliate, or hurt others.
Ephesians 4:29 says all these forms of “corrupting talk” need to be replaced with words that build up others and give grace. So we need to ask ourselves some questions before we speak: Will what I’m about to say tend to tear down or build up the person I want to talk about? Is it true? Is it kind? Does it need to be said?
Jesus said, “Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks” (Matthew 12:34). This means that although we speak of sins of the tongue, our real problem is our heart. The tongue is only the instrument that reveals what’s really in our hearts.
For some years I have sought to apply Ephesians 4:29 to my speech. I’m sure I fail many times, but at least that’s the target I aim for. One night I started to say something negative to my wife about a former colleague but held my tongue. And I was feeling pretty good about my self-control until something occurred to me: “But you thought it, didn’t you?” I realized I needed to guard not only my mouth, but my heart as well.
David prayed, “Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O LORD, my rock and my redeemer” (Psalm 19:14). I have learned to pray this also. I still use Ephesians 4:29 as a guideline, but now I try to apply it to my thoughts as well as my speech. I’d like to have no corrupting thoughts come out of my heart but only thoughts that, if uttered, would build up those who hear them.
If you and I truly want to put on the new self created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness, we must make Ephesians 4:29 one of our guiding principles. So take a few moments to reflect on this chapter and your own speech patterns. Do you spread rumors or put down others? Do you show impatience or anger through unkind words that humiliate or hurt? If you’re not sure, ask your friends or your family. They’ll know!
Remember, we’re talking about real sin. The kind of speech we’ve discussed in this chapter may seem acceptable to us, but it is not acceptable to God. It truly is sin.
YOUR TURN
“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” (Ephesians 4:29)
ENGAGE
1. “Any speech that tears down another person — someone we are talking about or someone we are talking to — is sinful speech.” Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Why?
2. How do you think humor fits into this issue of corrupting speech? Where’s the line between edgy humor and corrupting speech?
3. If you decided to take Ephesians 4:29 seriously, what changes would you need to make in your life? Which of these do you think would be most difficult?
BRING IT TO GOD
Pray out loud David’s prayer from Psalm 19:14: “Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O LORD, my rock and my redeemer.”