Chapter 18: Competitive
CHAPTER 18
COMPETITIVE
I recently learned that a writer friend of mine receives frequent requests for speaking engagements all over the world. But I have written as many books as she has, I thought. Why don’t I receive those kinds of invitations?
And here’s the funny thing. I didn’t even want to go overseas. I just wanted to have the same kind of recognition.
Score one for envy. I moved past it quickly, but I have to admit I felt the twinge.
Envy is one of a group of actions and attitudes I call competitive sins. They all involve our reactions to those we perceive as somehow threatening our position or possessions.
Envy in particular is the painful awareness of an advantage enjoyed by someone else. Sometimes we want that same advantage, and sometimes we just resent that the other person has something we don’t.
Usually, there are two conditions that tempt us to envy: We envy those we most identify with, and we envy in them the areas we value most. My friend fits both these descriptions. She and I work in the same field of teaching and writing, which I value. And we both enjoy a similar standing in that field, with some recognition but not exactly a “high profile” career. I see her as a peer, which makes me more likely to envy her.
I am never tempted to envy musicians or artists or highly successful business and professional people. Their talents and expertise are completely different from mine, so I don’t tend to compare myself with them. And even in my field of teaching and writing, many are so much more gifted than me that envy is not an issue.
Consider a young baseball player in the minor leagues, hoping to someday make it to the majors. He doesn’t envy the major league stars. They are out of his league. But he might envy the guy in the dugout next to him, especially if he believes the other player is receiving favor from the team manager.
Do you see my point? The reason envy tempts us in such situations is that there are enough similarities that the differences strike us more painfully. In the same way, the parents of a “problem child” may envy other parents whose children aren’t in trouble. Elementary kids may envy the classmate who gets to take the hamster home. The possibilities are endless.
But when we are tempted to envy, we should realize that envy, though it may be a subtle and seemingly minor sin to us, is listed among the vile sins that Paul catalogued in Romans 1:29 and Galatians 5:21. It’s right up there with drunkenness and murder!
JEALOUSY
Jealousy and envy are sometimes used interchangeably, but there is a subtle distinction that can help us see the sinfulness of our hearts. Envy is resent of a peer who has an advantage over us. But jealousy is intolerance of rivalry.
Jealousy is not always a sin. For instance, God declares Himself to be a jealous God who will not tolerate the worship of anyone or anything other than Himself (see Exodus 20:5). But sinful jealousy occurs when we fear someone will become equal to or even superior to us.
The classic example of this in the Bible is found in King Saul’s relationship with David. After young David slew Goliath, the women of Israel sang, “Saul has struck down his thousands, and David his ten thousands” (1 Samuel 18:7). After that, Saul regarded David as a rival and was jealous of him.
We, too, can be jealous if we have been blessed by God in some area of life or ministry and then someone comes along whose performance or results are superior to ours. Say, for instance, that a high-school senior named Angela has finally been named first-chair trumpet in her school band. Then a freshman named Micah appears, and Micah plays the trumpet very well. Within months, the new kid is threatening Angela’s first-chair status — and she is jealous.
Situations like this happen all the time, in many different walks of life. So how can we deal with the temptation to envy others or to become jealous of them?
What helps me most is to bring God into the picture. I have to remind myself that He is the One who gives us all our talents, abilities, and spiritual gifts.
It’s obvious as we look around that some are better trumpeters than others. Some write better or sing better. Some are more adept at working with their hands. There also seems to be a widespread diversity in God’s blessing on those gifts. It is God who puts down one and exalts another (see Psalm 75:7). So being envious or jealous of another person is either eliminating God from the picture or else accusing Him of being unfair.
Another way to combat sinful envy or jealousy, especially when it comes to other believers, is to remember that we are all “one body in Christ, and individually members one of another,” so we should “outdo one another in showing honor” (Romans 12:5,10). Instead of being envious of those who have some advantage over us or jealous of those who may be overtaking us in some way, we should honor and applaud them as members of the same body.
Finally, it helps to remember that spending emotional energy on envy or jealousy can blind us to our place in God’s plan. God has an assignment for each of us. Some assignments may garner more human recognition than others, but all are important.
COMPETITIVENESS
Closely allied with envy and jealousy is the competitive spirit: the strong urge to always win or be the top person in whatever our field of endeavor. This begins at an early age. Young children can throw a fit when they don’t win at tic-tac-toe! But I’ve seen adult Christians completely lose it when a golf game didn’t go their way or their kid’s soccer team came in last.
I’m not talking here about friendly competition, which can be healthy. A little competition can motivate us to push ourselves, learn new skills, and handle losing graciously. It can promote excellence not just in sports, but at science fairs and spelling bees and battles of the bands.
The competitive spirit is different. It’s basically an expression of selfishness, the desire to build ourselves up at someone else’s expense. It definitely is not compatible with loving our neighbor as ourselves.
I realize I’m questioning a sacred cow in our culture, which has elevated the competitive spirit to a virtue. We teach children directly and by example that “killing the competition” is the way to get ahead in the world. I question, however, whether a competitive spirit is a Christian virtue.
Rather than blessing competitiveness, the Bible tells us, “Do your best to present yourself to God as … a worker who has no need to be ashamed” (2 Timothy 2:15). Colossians 3:23 says we are to “work heartily, as for the Lord.” And of course our efforts should be motivated by a desire to glorify God, not win recognition for ourselves. The recognition may come, but it should not be our motivation.
Therefore, Angela the trumpeter should concentrate on doing her best to play music in a God-honoring way. If her best wins her first chair, she should not be proud but grateful to God for giving her the ability. If it loses her the first-chair position, she will still have the satisfaction of playing as well as she could.
Someone may argue that Paul endorsed the competitive spirit in 1 Corinthians 9:24: “Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize? So run that you may obtain it.” But the analogy breaks down at the point of the prize. In a race, only one runner wins and receives the prize. But in the Christian life, we all may receive the prize. Paul was not urging us to compete with one another. He was just telling us to run with the intensity of a track star, focusing hard on the finish line.
You can see now that there is a close relationship between envy, jealousy, and competitiveness. We tend to envy a peer who enjoys an advantage in an area we value highly. We become jealous of a person who is overtaking us. And both of these attitudes involve a competitive spirit that says, “I must always be number one.” It’s just another way of proclaiming, “It’s all about me” — a sinful contradiction of the biblical message.
CONTROLLING
There is one more subtle sin that I believe fits in this group: seeking to control others to get what we want.
I once asked a pastor about the source of friction between a couple in his church. He replied without hesitation: “She wants to control everything.” I understand what he was talking about because I’ve seen it so many times, and not just in marriage and certainly not just with women. Control is an equal-opportunity sin. You see it in children on the playground, in the cafeteria at school, in offices and churches and nursing homes. It happens when one person is determined to make all the decisions and get his or her way, no matter what.
Controllers use a variety of methods. Some simply dominate others by sheer force of willpower and personality. Some pout or sulk when their decisions are questioned or their desires are thwarted. Some argue all the time. Still others use sweet talk and flattery or resort to character assassination. And manipulation is a favorite tactic.
The truth is, most controllers will use any means necessary to get what they want. Instead of submitting to each other the way the Bible urges (see Ephesians 5:21), they make sure their wishes prevail. The difficulty in addressing this sin is that controllers are sometimes the last ones to recognize this tendency in their lives. In their minds, they’re just making sure things are done right.
Because we all have the flesh waging its guerrilla warfare in us, we still have blind spots of sin in our lives. We may need both the convicting power of the Holy Spirit and the help of other Christians to help us see our subtle sins. So I urge you to ask God to help you see tendencies toward controlling others (or envy, jealousy, competitiveness, or any other subtle or not-so-subtle sin).
Ask those closest to you to give you honest feedback. If you are a controlling person, you may find they are reluctant to do that because of your past behavior. So you must demonstrate true humility in asking them, maybe more than once, and then listen. Instead of becoming defensive — or using the other people’s words against them — take their advice to God to help you.
I once confronted a controller-type person in our ministry about this tendency in his life. Actually, I was the third person to do so. But instead of hearing me, he got upset and severed our relationship. I have not seen him in some years. But the last I heard, he still had the same problem. He refused to face his sin.
Don’t be like that. Don’t go through life harboring envy or jealousy or always having to win or get your way. Remember, “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” Don’t place yourself in the position of being opposed by God.
YOUR TURN
“The works of the flesh are evident: … jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy.” (Galatians 5:19-21)
ENGAGE
1. Read Romans 1:29 and Galatians 5:19-21. Why do you think the competitive sins are included in these lists of really bad sins? Why are they so harmful?
2. Do you think that simply feeling envy, jealousy, competitiveness, or control is sinful in itself? Are these actual choices? If not, at what point do they become choices — and sin?
3. What control tactics have you seen people around you use? Which ones do you tend to use to get your own way?
4. If God were to underline any parts of this chapter for you, what might He mark? Why?
BRING IT TO GOD
Ask God to point out areas in your life where you might be prone to the competitive sins. Ask for the Spirit’s help in accepting your place in God’s plan and using your unique giftedness for God’s glory.