Chapter 13: Out of Control
CHAPTER 13
OUT OF CONTROL
“A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls” (Proverbs 25:28).
In biblical times, a city’s walls were its chief means of defense. If the walls were breached, it was vulnerable; an invading army could pour into the city and conquer it. In the same way, a person without self-control is vulnerable to all kinds of temptations.
Unfortunately, Solomon, who wrote Proverbs 25:28, is a sad but striking demonstration of this truth. Scripture records that Solomon had seven hundred wives and three hundred concubines, all from nations the Lord had specifically forbidden (see 1 Kings 11:1-3). Sure enough, these foreign women turned Solomon’s heart away from God. In response, God divided Solomon’s kingdom in the days of his son Rehoboam.
The Scriptures have a lot to say about self-control. Paul listed it as one expression of the fruit of the Spirit (see Galatians 5:22-23). He also mentioned the lack of it in his list of vices that will abound in the last days (see 2 Timothy 3:3). His instructions to Titus regarding his ministry in Crete included repeated instructions to teach self-control (see Titus 2:2,5,6) and a reminder that the same grace that brings salvation also trains us to live self-controlled lives (see Titus 2:11-12). And Peter’s two letters urge us several times to be sober-minded, or self-controlled (see 1 Peter 1:13; 4:7; 5:8; 2 Peter 1:5-6).
Despite the scriptural teaching on self-control, I suspect this is one virtue that receives little conscious attention from most Christians. We have cultural boundaries that tend to restrain us from obvious sins, but within those boundaries we pretty much live as we please. We seldom say no to our desires and emotions. And that’s a shame, because it makes us vulnerable to other respectable sins. Not controlling our speech, for example, opens the door to “sins of the tongue” such as sarcasm, gossip, slander, and ridicule.
But what is self-control exactly? In simplest terms, it is saying no when we should say no. We handle our desires, cravings, impulses, emotions, and passions appropriately, with moderation in legitimate areas (say, watching TV) and complete restraint in those that are clearly sinful (such as Internet pornography).
Biblical self-control is different from willpower. Plenty of unbelievers exercise willpower in specific life areas while displaying little or no self-control in others. A model who sticks closely to a diet, for instance, may be unable to control her temper. But biblical self-control applies to every area of life and depends on the Holy Spirit for both motivation and power. We might say that self-control is not control by us, but rather control of us through the power of the Holy Spirit.
Though self-control is needed in all areas of life, in this chapter we will look at three areas where Christians often fail to exercise it.
EATING AND DRINKING
I am not singling out those who have a weight problem. That may or may not be due to a lack of self-control. One of the most self-controlled men I have ever known struggled with weight all his adult life. And some people with hyped-up metabolisms can eat and drink whatever they please (at least for a time) with little regard for self-control.
What I am addressing is the tendency to continually give in to our desires for certain consumables. I think of a Christian acquaintance who used to drink twelve cans of soda every day. I also think of my own craving for ice cream. For years I would have a bowl at dinner and another at bedtime. God convicted me of my lack of self-control by showing me that this seemingly benign practice greatly weakened my self-control in other, more critical, areas. I learned that we cannot pick and choose the areas of life in which we will exercise self-control.
One of the ways we can exercise self-control is by removing or getting away from whatever tempts us. Now, instead of stocking ice cream in our freezer, my wife and I buy single servings for specific occasions. But even though I made that decision more than thirty years ago, the need for self-control remains. Recently I needed to mail a package at a contract post office that is located in an ice cream shop. On the way over, I began to fantasize about having a dish of ice cream. As I wrestled with that strong desire, I concluded this was a time when I needed to say no to myself just for the purpose of keeping that desire under control.
I’m not trying to lay a guilt trip on those who enjoy ice cream or soft drinks or even those who visit Starbucks every day. What I am addressing is our lack of self-control — a tendency to indulge our desires so that they control us instead of us controlling them.
TEMPER
Some believers are known to be hot-tempered or to have a short fuse. Someone with a hot temper is prone to quick but intense bursts of anger that fade just as easily. Someone with a short fuse becomes angry or irritable easily. Many people have both. We will take up the sin of anger in a later chapter, but here I want to focus on the lack of control, which is also a sin.
Outbursts of temper are typically directed against anyone who displeases us, from a driver who cuts us off on the freeway to an umpire who makes a bad call. Unfortunately, family members are a frequent target.
The book of Proverbs warns repeatedly against sins of temper: Proverbs 16:32, for instance, says that “whoever is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city.” In the New Testament, James also admonished us to be “slow to anger” (1:19). Storing up such verses in our hearts (see Psalm 119:11) can help us exercise self-control over temper.
PERSONAL FINANCES
Not too long ago, I heard a national radio speaker say that the average American household has a credit card debt of seven thousand dollars. The fact that this is the average debt indicates that Americans are spending beyond their means, indulging in desires for new clothes, the latest electronic or digital devices, expensive vacations, and the like. That this is a problem among Christians is attested by the fact that several Christian ministries are dedicated to helping Christians learn self-control in this area.
However, it is not just those in debt who fail to exercise self-control over their spending. Many affluent people, Christians included, simply indulge themselves in whatever their hearts desire. Even if we can easily afford to do this, it’s not the way to gain the self-control that is the fruit of the Spirit. (We’ll look at finances again in chapter 20.)
Food and drink, temper, and finances are not the only areas where we may need to learn self-control. Other areas include “screen time” (computers, TV), shopping, hobbies, and sports. In this age of sexual openness, there is a big need for self-control over our eyes and thought lives.
No doubt there are other areas that can easily lend themselves to a lack of self-control, so I encourage you to reflect on your own life. Are there desires, cravings, or emotions that may be out of control to some degree? As you seek to grow in this area of self-control, remember that it is a fruit of the Spirit. Only by God’s enabling power will any of us make any progress in this area.
YOUR TURN
“A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls.” (Proverbs 25:28)
ENGAGE
1. What are some signals that the sin of self-control might be a problem — that our sinful desires are either starting to control us or have been controlling us?
2. Because biblical self-control is not a product of our natural willpower, what enables us to live self-controlled lives? (See Titus 2:11-12.) What does this insight mean to you personally?
3. The author shares how a seemingly benign practice greatly weakened his self-control in more critical areas. In which areas are you tempted to use less self-control and give in to your desires? What would you say your “big three” self-control issues are?
BRING IT TO GOD
Say a prayer of thanks for the gift of the Holy Spirit, which is the key to avoiding the sin of insufficient self-control. If you have discerned the need for self-control in some area of your life, ask the Spirit for help.