Chapter 9: Discontent
CHAPTER 9
DISCONTENT
Anxiety is a fearful uncertainty over the future — what might happen. Frustration is usually the result of some immediate event that has blocked my plans or desires. Discontentment, the subject of this chapter, most often arises from ongoing and unchanging circumstances we can do little or nothing about.
Have you ever heard anyone say, “I hate my life”? That’s usually an exaggeration, but it’s also the essence of sinful discontentment. Discontented people tend to be disgruntled, dissatisfied, and generally unhappy.
Not all discontentment is sinful, of course. All of us should, to some degree, be discontent with our spiritual growth. If we are not, we will stop growing. There is also what we might call a prophetic discontentment with injustice and other evils in society that is coupled with a desire to see positive change. Even discontentment over personal circumstances can be a gift from God that motivates us to change those circumstances. But when chronic unhappiness about our circumstances poisons our relationship with God, it definitely becomes a sin.
Actually, the most frequent warnings in Scripture against discontentment concern money and possessions — being discontent with what we have. But more common among committed Christians, I believe, is discontentment triggered by personal circumstances:
A physical deformity or disability
Living with divorced or alcoholic parents
A learning disability
Unemployment or an unfulfilling job
Singleness (when you want to be married)
Such situations are extremely painful, but discontentment can also involve trivial circumstances. For instance, I’m not good at administrative details, so having to constantly deal with them tempts me to be discontent. I am personally acquainted with some of those more difficult areas too. All my life I have had both a visual and a hearing disability, neither of which is treatable. I can remember the feeling of rejection as I was growing up when, because of my visual disability, I could not play baseball like the other boys. Still today, even as an older adult, I find those lifetime disabilities often make life inconvenient, if not difficult.
And yes, I know these problems of mine are minor indeed compared to what many believers experience. I just want you to know that if you struggle with discontentment, I’m right there with you. At any rate, it is our response to our circumstances rather than how difficult they are that determines whether or not we are discontented.
Whatever situation tempts us to be discontented, we need to recognize that discontentment, like anxiety or frustration, is sin. We are so used to responding to difficult circumstances with anxiety, frustration, or discontentment that we consider them normal reactions. But that’s part of the problem with sneaky sins: We don’t recognize them. Our response to them, in fact, may be no different than that of unbelievers who never factor God into their situations. So we are back to our ungodliness as the root cause of our sins.
In the previous chapter I mentioned that Psalm 139:16 helps me a lot with frustration. It helps me with discontentment as well. Whatever our circumstances, and however difficult they may be, the truth is that they are ordained by God as part of His overall plan for our lives. God does nothing and allows nothing without a purpose. And His purposes, however mysterious they may be to us, are always for His glory and our ultimate good.
And for those of us who face physical disabilities or even physical-appearance issues, Psalm 139:13 can be helpful as well: “You formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.” God so directed our DNA and other biological factors that determine our physical makeup that the psalmist could say, “God formed me in my mother’s womb.”
That is an incredible thought! You and I are who we are physically because that is the way God made us. And He made us the way we are because that is how we can best fulfill His plan for our lives. For those with severe disabilities, that truth may be hard to take. But if we believe that we are who we are and what we are because that is the way God made us, then we have to believe He can use those disabilities to glorify Himself.
Obviously, many areas of life are not addressed by Psalm 139:13. But you can be sure you will be able to find specific Scriptures or principles that will address your particular circumstances.
Years ago a friend gave me a long poem by Amy Carmichael called “In Acceptance Lieth Peace.” There’s a lot of wisdom in it for those of us who struggle with sinful discontentment. The poem basically describes different ways a man attempts to deal with his pain. First he tries putting behind him all the bad things that have happened. Then he tries to distract himself by staying busy. He attempts to withdraw from other people and simply give up. Nothing helps. Finally the man just chooses to accept his pain and finds the peace and contentment he is looking for.
Acceptance basically means adopting a position of honest trust regarding our difficulties. We don’t pretend they’re not real or painful. We don’t try to forget them or run from them. We simply give over to God our ideas of what should happen, trusting that He knows what is best for us and purposes only that.
To me, this posture of acceptance is summed up by an anonymous verse a friend sent me after my first wife died. Both in those days of grief and in the years since then, this little verse has helped me handle my sins of discontentment:
Lord, I am willing to:
Receive what You give,
Lack what You withhold,
Relinquish what You take.
You will recognize that there is a recurring theme running through this chapter as well as the previous one: the supreme power (often called sovereignty), wisdom, and goodness of God in all the circumstances of our lives. Whether those circumstances are short-term or long-term, our ability to respond to them in a God-honoring manner depends on our ability and willingness to trust God in the midst of them. And we must do this by faith, believing that the Bible’s teaching really is true and that God has brought or allowed these difficult circumstances in our lives for His glory and our ultimate good.
You may ask, “But shouldn’t I pray for physical healing or for relief from any other painful circumstance?” Yes, we are invited to pray about these circumstances and also to do what we can reasonably do to change them. But we should do these things in confidence that our infinitely wise and loving heavenly Father knows what is best for us. And if God answers our prayers with a no, we must be willing to accept that.
Finally, I realize that in dealing with discontentment, I probably have touched some raw nerves. You may be thinking, If he knew what I’m going through, he wouldn’t be so glib and preachy. It’s true that I don’t know your situation, but I assure you I’m not being glib. I do write as one who has struggled with discontentment and sought to overcome it with the truths I’ve set forth in this chapter. They have helped me, and I pray they will help you.
May all of us, with the help of the Holy Spirit, move from any negative attitudes of discontentment to a positive attitude of being stewards of the difficult and disappointing circumstances God has given us so that we may somehow glorify Him in all of life.
YOUR TURN
“All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” (Psalm 139:16, NIV)
ENGAGE
1. What is discontentment? When does it spur us to positive action, and when is it sinful?
2. The author writes, “It is our response to our circumstances rather than how difficult they are that determines whether or not we are discontented.” Do you agree or disagree? Why?
3. Do you think God sometimes allows us to face difficult, unchanging circumstances for reasons we may never know? Feel free to share a personal example if you know one.
4. Throughout this book, the author encourages us to remember God’s attributes. If we believe and remember that God is infinitely wise, loving, and knows what is best for us, then how will we respond to circumstances that tempt us to be discontented? On the other hand, if we think God is simply toying with us and wanting us to suffer, how will we respond to trials?
BRING IT TO GOD
Pray for yourself the prayer of relinquishment mentioned in this chapter:
Lord, I am willing to:
Receive what You give,
Lack what You withhold,
Relinquish what You take.