Marriage and Virginity (continued)
of adultery, he could not have intended a husband or wife to be divorced even for the purpose of practicing celibacy.
3. Let us return to the actual words the apostle uses: To those, however, who are married I give this command—not I, but the Lord—that a wife should not leave her husband; but if she does leave him, she should remain unmarried (1 Cor 7:10-11). Imagining him to be present, let us question him and ask his opinion. Why, apostle, did you say: but if she does leave him, she should remain unmarried? Is it right, or is it wrong, for her to leave him? If it is wrong, why do you command the one who leaves to stay unmarried? If, on the other hand, it is not wrong, there must surely be some justifying reason. When we look for this reason we find none, other than the only exception the Savior allowed, namely the case of adultery. Consequently, the only woman the apostle has commanded to remain unmarried, if she leaves her husband, is the one who leaves for the only reason for which it is not wrong to leave her husband. In the text, I give this command… that a wife should not leave her husband; but if she does leave, she should remain unmarried, it is unthinkable that a woman who leaves in this way, with the intention of remaining unmarried, does anything against this commandment. It follows that unless it is understood to be someone who is allowed to leave (and it is not allowed unless the husband commits adultery), how can she be commanded to stay unmarried if she leaves?
Would anyone say, "If a woman leaves a husband who has not committed adultery, she should stay unmarried," when it is wrong for her to leave at all when the husband has not committed adultery? When the Lord did not even desire celibacy to be adopted except by mutual agreement and consent, I think you will now see how much your interpretation is contrary to the marriage bond.
The Desire for Continence Does Not Authorize Separation
4, 4. Let us explain the matter a little more fully, unfolding it before your eyes as it were.
Consider the case of a woman who wants to practice celibacy, but her husband does not. The wife leaves him, and starts to lead a life of celibacy. She herself will stay chaste, but contrary to what the Lord wants, she will cause her husband to commit adultery; unable to stay celibate, he will look for someone else. What shall we say to the woman, other than what the saving teaching of the Church says? Do your duty to your husband, for fear that while you are looking for something to bring you greater honor, he will find something that will bring about his damnation. We would say the same to him too, if he wanted to practice celibacy without your consent. You do not have authority over your own body, but he does, just as he does not have authority over his own body, but you do.†2 Do not withhold what you owe each other except by agreement.†3 After we have said this, and other similar things relating to this matter, does it please you to have the woman use your reasoning to give us this answer: "I hear the apostle saying, I give this command… that a wife should not leave her husband; but if she does leave him, she should either remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband (1
Cor 7:10-11). See, I have left my husband, and I do not want to be reconciled to him, and I am staying celibate. He did not say, 'If you leave your husband, you must stay unmarried until you are reconciled to him,' but said, Remain unmarried, or be reconciled to your husband. 'Do one or the other,' he said. He allowed a choice between the two, and did not insist on the second of these things. I choose to remain unmarried and carry out what he commands in that way. You can criticize me, accuse me, blame me, and be as stern as you like, if I remarry."
Adultery Is the Only Legitimate Grounds for Divorce
5, 5. How can I answer this other than by saying: You misunderstand the apostle? He would not have given the commandment to stay unmarried, if she leaves her husband, except to a woman who has the right to leave her husband, which is only in the case of adultery. This is not mentioned at that point, because it is so well known. When speaking about a man divorcing his wife, God our master made this reason the only exception. He left it to be understood that the same rule binds the husband too, since not only does the wife not have authority over her own body, but her husband does, but likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but his wife does (1 Cor 7:4). Therefore, since you cannot claim that your husband has committed adultery, how can you think that by not remarrying you are excused for leaving him, when it is wrong for you to leave him at all? When the woman hears us say this, I do not think you would like her to reply by saying that the reason she is staying unmarried is that she left without any adultery on the part of her husband, and that if he had committed adultery, not only would it have been right for her to leave him, but it would also have been right for her to remarry.
Remarriage Is Not Allowed, Even When Divorce Is Allowed
6, 6. She would not say this at all, since even you would be ashamed to afford her that freedom. You said: "If a man divorces a wife who commits adultery and remarries, only the woman will be blamed. If, however, the woman divorces her husband for the reason mentioned and remarries, not only will the woman be blamed, but so will the husband."
Arguing in support of this view you say this: "They will say that her reason for leaving was to enter into a union with another man, even though he might be just the same as the one she left, as it is very easy for men to lapse into this debilitating vice. If then she divorces him too, and marries yet again, more and more will they say that she wanted to have a variety of husbands." After expounding this argument you state this conclusion: "Taking these considerations into account, the woman should either put up with her husband or remain unmarried." Clearly you have given women good advice, in telling them that, although they know they are allowed to remarry if they divorce husbands who commit adultery, they ought not do this because of the criticism, but they should even put up with husbands who commit adultery. They will then avoid appearing to want to take the opportunity of having relations with numerous husbands, given the difficulty of finding someone to marry who is not the same as the one she divorces, when men are so vulnerable to this infirmity. Since, therefore, we say that even the woman who divorces a husband who commits adultery is not allowed to remarry, whereas you say it is allowed, but not advisable, without argument we both say that the one who divorces a husband who commits adultery ought not remarry. What is at issue is that we say that, when both the partners are Christians, a woman is not allowed to remarry if she leaves a husband who commits adultery, but if the husband does not commit adultery she is not allowed to leave him at all, whereas you say that if a woman leaves a husband who is not guilty of adultery, it is not right for her to remarry because of a commandment, but if she leaves a husband who is guilty of adultery, it is not advisable for her to remarry because of the scandal. You say, therefore, that, if she intends to remain unmarried, a woman is allowed to leave her husband, whether or not he commits adultery.
Only Adultery Allows a Woman to Separate from Her Husband
7, 7. Since the holy apostle, or rather the Lord speaking through the apostle, does not allow a woman to leave a husband who has not committed adultery, we have to conclude that when he says a woman is not to remarry if she leaves her husband, he is speaking of one who is permitted to leave because the husband has committed adultery. It is about this woman that he says: "If she leaves her husband, she must not remarry; she is allowed to leave him on condition that she does not remarry." So if she chooses not to remarry, there is nothing to prevent her leaving. She is like the woman about whom it is said, "If she cannot stay continent, she should marry";†4 in her case the condition, for her being allowed not to be continent, is that she marries. So, if she chooses to marry, she cannot be compelled to be continent. Just as the one who cannot stay continent has to marry, to avoid incurring damnation by not staying continent, so too the one who leaves her husband has to remain unmarried, to avoid incurring guilt by leaving her husband. If he does not commit adultery, however, she incurs guilt by leaving her husband, even if she does not remarry. So the one who is being commanded not to remarry if she leaves her husband is the one who leaves a husband who commits adultery. Since this is so, if we interpret the apostle as saying to women: "Do not leave your husbands, including those who are chaste, unless you want to leave them and stay unmarried," all those who prefer celibacy will think that it is acceptable for them to leave their husbands even without their consent. Since we certainly should not allow this, the only alternative is for us to teach that the statement, if she does leave him, she should remain unmarried (1 Cor 7:11), refers to the woman who has the right to leave, and this, as we have learned, is undoubtedly the one whose husband has committed adultery. If we teach anything else, then in support of celibacy we shall cause disruption in Christian marriages, and contrary to God's compassionate commandment we shall drive into adultery husbands who are not able to be celibate after their wives have divorced them to practice celibacy, and [we shall do the same to] wives who are not able to be celibate after their husbands have divorced them to practice celibacy.
The Rules of Marriage Apply to Men and Women Equally
8, 8. In another place, though not in the sermon we were commenting on, the Lord said, If anyone divorces his wife, apart from the case of adultery, and marries someone else, he commits adultery (Mt 19:9). If this is taken to mean that anyone who divorces his wife because she commits adultery and takes another wife is not guilty of adultery, there would seem to be a different rule for husband and wife in this matter. If the wife leaves her husband, even because of his committing adultery, and marries someone else, she commits adultery; but if the husband leaves his wife for the same reason and takes another wife, he does not commit adultery. On the other hand, if there is the same rule for both, then they are both guilty of adultery if they enter a union with someone else, even when they separate from a partner who commits adultery. That the rule in this matter is the same for men and women is made clear by the apostle (and it must often be called to mind) in that text where he says, The wife does not have authority over her own body, but her husband does, and goes on to add, And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but his wife does (1 Cor 7:4).
Why Jesus Added the Exception for Adultery
9, 9. "Why then," you say, "did the Lord make special reference to the case of adultery, and not say instead quite generally, 'Anyone who divorces his wife and takes another wife commits adultery,' if the one who takes another wife after divorcing a wife who commits adultery is also guilty of adultery?" I think it is because the Lord wanted to talk about the more serious case. No one would deny that if someone takes another wife after divorcing a wife who has not committed adultery, this adultery is worse than remarrying after divorcing a wife who commits adultery. It is not that there is not adultery in the other case, when the remarriage is after divorce from a wife who commits adultery, but it is less serious. The apostle James says something similar, when he says: If someone knows the right thing to do but does not do it, that person commits a sin (Jas 4:17). Does it follow from this that someone who does not know the right thing to do, and therefore does not do it, does not also commit a sin? This person does, of course, commit a sin, but the sin is worse if the person knows and still does not do it. Being a less serious sin does not make it no sin at all.
We can say similar things in both cases. Anyone who divorces his wife, except for adultery, and marries someone else, commits adultery, just as anyone who knows the right thing to do, and does not do it, commits a sin. In the latter case, however, it is not correct to say, "Therefore, anyone who does not know does not commit a sin." There are also sins committed in ignorance, although they are less serious than sins committed knowingly. Similarly in the other case, it is not correct to say, "Someone who divorces his wife for committing adultery, and then remarries, does not commit adultery"; as there is also the adultery of those who remarry after leaving their first wives because of adultery, although this is certainly not as bad