Marriage and Virginity (continued)
8. Marriage therefore is honorable and the marriage bed pure (Heb 13:4). We do not call it good merely because it is good in comparison with fornication. In that case they would be two evils, one worse than the other. Also fornication would be good because adultery is worse; for violating another's marriage is worse than being with a mistress. Adultery would be good because incest is worse, as sleeping with one's mother is worse than sleeping with someone else's wife. Until we reach what in the apostle's words is abominable even to mention (Eph
5:12), everything would be good in comparison with things that are worse. Who, however, has any doubt that this is an error? Therefore marriage and fornication are not two evils, one worse than the other, but marriage and abstinence are two good things, one better than the other. In the same way health and sickness in this life are not two evils, one worse than the other; but health and immortality are two good things, one better than the other. Likewise knowledge and illusion are not two evils, with illusion worse; but knowledge and love are two good things, with love better. For knowledge will end, the apostle says, although at present there is need for it; but love will never fail (1 Cor 13:8).
So too that procreation of mortal beings, which is the reason why there are marriages, will be brought to an end; but the freedom from sexual union is both an angelic practice now and will last for eternity. Just as the meals of good people are better than the fasts of the sacrilegious, so too the marriages of the faithful are superior to the virginity of irreligious women. In the first case, it is not that dining is preferred to fasting, but being good is preferred to being sacrilegious; and in the second case it is not that marriage is preferred to virginity, but faith is preferred to being irreligious. Good people eat when it is necessary, in order to act as good masters providing what is right and proper for the bodies which are their slaves; but sacrilegious persons fast to serve the devils. Similarly, women of faith marry for the purpose of having chaste sexual union with their husbands, but unbelievers are virgins for the purpose of being unfaithful to the true God.
Therefore, just as what Martha did was good when she was busy attending to the saints, but what her sister Mary did, sitting at the Lord's feet and listening to his words (Lk 10:39), was better, so too we praise the excellence of Susanna in her married chastity,†20 but value more highly the excellence of the widow Anna,†21 and even more that of the virgin Mary.†22
Those who attended to the needs of Christ and his disciples, and did so out of their own resources, did something good, but those who gave up all their possessions, in order to follow that Lord without that encumbrance, did something better. With each of the two good ways of acting, both in the latter case and in the case of Martha and Mary, the one that is better is not possible without forgoing or abandoning the other. Accordingly, one has to understand that marriage is not to be considered bad because one cannot have the chastity of widowhood or virginal integrity without forgoing it. In the same way, what Martha did was not bad because her sister could do what was better only by refraining from doing the same. Otherwise, welcoming a good person or a prophet into one's home would be bad, because, in order to do what is better, someone who wants to be perfect in following Christ ought not to have a home.†23
Marriage Is a Good Necessary for the Sake of Other Goods
9, 9. Undoubtedly we should take note that God gives us some benefits that are to be sought after for their own sake, such as wisdom, health and friendship, and others that are necessary for the sake of something else, such as learning, food, drink, marriage and sleeping together.
Some of these, such as learning, are necessary for wisdom; others, such as food, drink and sleep, are necessary for health; others, such as marriage and sleeping together, are necessary for friendship. The latter also contribute to the continuation of the human race, in which loving relationships are of great benefit. Anyone, therefore, who makes use of these benefits, the ones necessary for the sake of something else, for purposes other than those they were established for, commits a sin, sometimes a venial sin, sometimes a mortal sin. On the other hand, whoever makes use of them for the purpose for which they were bestowed does well.
But if someone who has no need for them does not make any use of them, he or she does better. Hence we do well to want good things when we have need of them; but we do better not wanting them than wanting them, because we are better off when we do not find them necessary.
So too marriage is good, because it is good to bear children and be the mother of a family;†24 but not marrying is better because to have no need of this task is better even for human society. The condition of the human race is already such that with others (that is, those who do not practice abstinence) not only active in marriage but also indulging their sensuality in illicit love-making, and the good Creator bringing good out of their evil, there is no shortage of offspring or lack of heirs in abundance, and so holy friendships may be fostered. What this means is that in the earliest ages of the human race, especially because of the need to propagate the people of God, through whom the Prince and Savior of all peoples would be proclaimed and be born, holy persons had a duty to make use of that benefit of marriage that is not desirable for its own sake but necessary on account of something else. Now, however, since among all peoples everywhere there is an abundant provision of the spiritual kinship required for creating a true and holy society, even those who desire to marry solely for the sake of having children should be advised to avail themselves rather of the greater benefit of abstinence.
Marriage Is for Those Who Lack Self-Control
10, 10. But I know what they are muttering: "What if everyone chose to abstain from all sexual union," they say, "how would the human race survive?" Would that everyone did want this, provided it is based on a love that comes from a pure heart and a good conscience and sincere faith (1 Tm 1:5)! Then the city of God would reach fulfillment much sooner and the end of the world would come more quickly. What else, clearly, was the apostle advising, when speaking about this matter he said, I should like everyone to be like me (1 Cor 7:7)? Or when in the same place he said: I say this to you, my brothers and sisters: The time is short; it remains only for those who have wives to be as if they do not have them, and those who are in sorrow to be as if they were not in sorrow, and those who rejoice to be as if they were not rejoicing, and those who buy things to be as if they were not buying things, and those who use this world to be as if they did not use it; for this world in its present form is passing away. I do not want you be worried about anything.
Then he adds: A man who does not have a wife thinks about what concerns the Lord, how to please the Lord. One who is married, however, thinks about the affairs of the world, and how to please his wife. A woman too who is unmarried and a virgin is set apart. One who is not married is concerned with what has to do with the Lord, to be holy both in body and mind; but one who is married is concerned about the affairs of the world and how to please her husband