Marriage and Virginity (continued)
As we have many parts to our body, and each part does not have the same function, so too we, though we are many, are one body in Christ, each a member of the other, and we have different gifts according to the grace that has been given us (Rom 12:4).
5. Even when he was advising married people not to deprive each other of the marital act, with the result that when refused the marital act the partner might be tempted by Satan and through lack of restraint fall into fornication, he said this: I say this to you, however, by way of a concession, not as a command. I should like everyone to be like me; but everyone has his or her own gift from God, one in one way, another in another way (1 Cor 7:6-7).
Second Marriages Are Not Condemned
4. You see how even married chastity and fidelity to the obligations of a Christian marriage are also a great gift from God. Because of this, when the desires of the flesh lead to the degree of marital union needed for the purpose of having children being exceeded to some extent, this evil is not part of marriage, but it is pardonable because of the good there is in marriage.†4 When the apostle said, I say this to you, however, by way of a concession, not as a command (1 Cor 7:39), he was not speaking about a marriage that is entered into for the purpose of having children, with the fidelity of married chastity and the sacrament of matrimony that cannot be broken while both live; these are all good things. He was speaking about that excessive carnal indulgence, which is recognized as likely to happen because of the spouses' weakness and is excused in consideration of the good things in marriage. Likewise, when he says, A woman is bound to her husband, as long as he lives; but if her husband dies, she is free again, and she may marry as she chooses, although only in the Lord. In my opinion, however, it is better for her if she stays as she is (1 Cor 7:40), he makes it quite clear that even the woman of faith who marries again after the death of her husband is blessed in the Lord, but a widow is even more blessed in the same Lord. In other words, to use the examples of scripture as well as its words, Ruth is blessed, but Anna is more blessed.†5
6. The first thing for you to note, then, is that the excellence of what you have chosen does not mean that marrying again is condemned, but that it is honored less. Just as the excellence of holy virginity, which your daughter chose, does not constitute a condemnation of your one and only marriage, so too your widowhood is no condemnation of anyone's second