Cliff Barrows often gives a message to Christian couples which he calls, "Ten Words that Will Safeguard a Marriage." They are:
I was wrong. Forgive me.
I'm sorry. I love you.
This same formula will work to safeguard one's spiritual life as well. Couples need to learn to clean up issues as soon as they develop and to erase the slate every day. See Ephesians 4:26.
• Spiritual unity. Understanding the spiritual dimension in marriage has profound implications. Paul compared marriage—the union of husband and wife—to the eternal relationship between Christ and the church (Ephesians 5:22–33).
Billy Graham writes: "The perfect marriage is a uniting of three persons—a man, a woman, and God! That is what makes marriage holy. Faith in Christ is the most important of all principles in the building of a happy marriage and a happy home."
Helping Strategy
1. Be supportive and encouraging. Listen carefully, with understanding. Don't judge. Don't take sides. Sometimes the inquirer is at fault.
2. Try to discover the reasons for the disagreements and problems. Ask questions, if necessary. Does the inquirer feel that he or she has any responsibility in any of the negative developments? Ask how the inquirer would rate the marriage in the light of the "Background." How has he or she fallen short? What might be done to improve the relationship? In humility, the caller could ask forgiveness for insensitivities, hurts, and offenses. It may take time, but it is worth the effort.
3. Ask if God has ever been brought into their life and marriage. Share "Steps to Peace with God," page 11.
4. Where does the individual go from here? Share follow-up steps:
A. Get into the Bible—reading, studying, and applying it to his or her
life and marriage.
B. Learn to pray daily. Pray for each other. Pray about existing or
potential problem areas: "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you" (1 Peter 5:7, NIV). Better attitudes lead to a deeper sensitivity as to the needs of one's mate, producing better
relationships. This is one of the values of Bible study and prayer: It will help us anticipate problems as it makes us more spiritually sensitive.
C. Become involved with spouse and family in a Bible-teaching church.
Active participation in a dynamic church can revolutionize a marriage and family. Spiritual resources and support can be found in fellowship with committed Christians and in consultation with a committed pastor.
D. Should further counseling be needed—and it often is in troubled
marriages—help could be found through contacting a qualified pastor or Christian psychologist or marriage counselor.
If the inquirer is a Christian, encourage serious counseling with a Christian marriage service or qualified pastor. Often many concessions and adjustments have to be made on the part of each partner, requiring prolonged professional sessions. The important thing is for them to honestly and sincerely face their situation in the light of God's Word. A good place to start might be an application of the Cliff Barrows formula from the "Background."
Scripture
"Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does" (1 Corinthians 7:3–4).
"Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others. Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 2:3–5).
"Likewise you husbands, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered" (1 Peter 3:7). Other suggested Scriptures: Ephesians 5:22–33