Don't pretend to have an answer for everything. Admit that you do not understand why or how God does what He does.
Don't be the "cheerleader" type, trying to pump up the bereaved with cheer and good will.
Don't offer cliches or trite phrases about death and suffering.
Don't suggest that if the grieving one were more spiritual or closer to God, the pain might be less.
Remember that one short session will not meet all the needs of the inquirer. Do what you can to share Jesus Christ and the message of Scripture, and trust God to do His work.
Helping Strategy
1. Tell the inquirer you care and want to help. Encourage him or her to tell you about the loss and how he or she feels about it. Be a patient listener. It helps to ventilate feelings when one is grieving.
2. Explain that it is healthy to mourn and grieve. This is a universal human experience through which we all must pass. Someone has said that grief is a "gift from God." It may be His way of helping us react to the tremendous shock of death and its emotional aftermath. Jesus said, "Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted" (Matthew 5:4). Jesus Himself wept at the grave of Lazarus (John 11:35).
3. Stress that it is good to express feelings of guilt, anger, confusion, or despair. These feelings should not be repressed by the sorrower or rejected by the helper. Encourage honest talk about feelings.
4. Point out that the things he or she is feeling are often normal to the grieving process, and that acceptance and healing will come, though perhaps slowly. God wants to bear our heartaches and losses and give us His comfort, hope, and encouragement. Life may seem valueless at this point, but remember—Christ is permanent, the Solid Rock, the foundation on which to rebuild a life.
5. Ask if he or she has ever received Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior. If indicated, explain "Steps to Peace with God," page 11.
Billy Graham says: "Our confidence in the future is based firmly on the fact of what God has done for us in Christ. Because Christ is alive we need never despair, no matter what our situation may be. 'Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we shall also live with Him. . . . For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord' (Romans 6:8, 23)."