DIVORCE AFTER YEARS OF MARRIAGE
Background
It is difficult to describe the sense of shock, hurt, bewilderment, emptiness, anger, rejection, isolation, and loss of self-worth felt when someone has been deserted or divorced after many years of marriage. The person wonders: Can this really be happening to me? How could he or she do this to me? Where did I fail? What could I have done differently? The most important question is, What do I do now?
In spite of the trauma of the divorce, the person must be helped to realize that life goes on. The fact of the divorce must be accepted; he or she is now single and must face the future as such. It is futile to continually dredge up the past and try to relive it. Facts cannot be changed by self-torturing questions. It is entirely possible that he or she couldn't have done anything differently to save the marriage.
An emotionally healthy person will leave the past behind and go on and grow in the present. The apostle Paul provides the example:
"One thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead" (Philippians 3:13).
The divorced person must look at the experience as transitional, as a time to make adjustments, of expanding personality through reading, reflection, and building or rebuilding friendships which will help him or her grow.
If the person needs professional counseling during the transition, he or she should look for a qualified pastor or a Christian psychiatrist or psychologist who can approach the problems in the light of Scripture.
Helping Strategy
1. Encourage the inquirer by projecting love and understanding. The hurts, emptiness, and sense of rejection may be very deep.
2. Be a good listener, trying to get the whole picture before offering any comment. Sometimes we respond too quickly with advice, when a question to stimulate conversation would be more in order.
3. When you feel you have a proper understanding of the situation,