For the Christian Who is Bitter or Resentful:
1. Gently point out the sinfulness of such an attitude. He or she needs first of all to put his or her own house in order, confessing the bitterness and resentment to God as sin.
2. Encourage forgiveness of those who have offended or hurt. This may be difficult, but God commands it! "Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you" (Colossians 3:13, NIV). Sometimes those who deserve forgiveness the least need it the most! Forgiving as the Lord forgave implies forgetting. This may be difficult and may require time, but God can change our attitudes. Jesus' answer of "seventy times seven" to Peter's question, "How often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him?" implies that the Christian must be ready, even eager, to forgive (Matthew 18:21–35).
3. Recommend seeking to restore the broken relationship in the spirit of Colossians 3:13. In all probability, this will mean "going the second mile" (Matthew 5:41), but this may be necessary in order to renew the relationship. The Gospel always cuts across the grain of human reactions and conduct. Until one of the parties involved takes the initiative toward forgiveness and restoration, the broken relationship will continue. For the Christian Who Cannot Forgive Himself or Herself:
1. Ask if he or she is truly repentant and has confessed, frankly and transparently, all sin to God. If so, share "Restoration," page 17, emphasizing 1 John 1:9.
2. If the above step has been taken but the self-punishment continues, point out that he or she is guilty of unbelief: If God has forgiven (1 John 1:9), it is wrong to doubt God. We must take God at His word. Share David's testimony from Psalm 32:1–2: "Blessed is he whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered. Blessed is the man to whom the Lord does not impute iniquity, and in whose spirit there is no guile."
False humility could be involved. Self-flagellation makes some people feel better, while others take pleasure in reviewing the past. This is like the scribes and Pharisees: "Even so you . . . appear righteous to men, but inside you are full of hypocrisy and lawlessness" (Matthew 23:28).
3. If the person is truly repentant, talk about how we need to see ourselves as God sees us—as a new creature in Christ Jesus (2 Corinthians 5:17). God understands sin and knows how to deal with it. He will forgive sin