His Removal to Crosweeksung, Where He Had His Most Remarkable Success (part 1 of 2)

From his Ordination, ‘till he first began to preach to the Indians at Crosweeksung, among whom ke had his most remarkable success.

WeEDNEsSDA ¥, June 13. Spent some considerable time in writing an account of the Indian affairs to go to Scotland, Conversed much with friends; but enjoyed little satisfaction, _ Thursday, June 14. Received some particular kindness from friends, and wondered that Ged should open the hearts of any towards me: saw myself unworthy of any favour, either from God or: man. Was much exercised with pain in my head; yet determined to set out on my journey to- ‘wards Delaware in the afternoon; but the pain increased so much, that I was obliged to betake myself to bed. The night following I was greatly distressed with pain and sickness; was sometimes almost bereaved of the exercise of reason by the extremity of pain. Continued much distressed till Saturday, when I was something relieved by an emetic; but was unable to walk abroad till the Monday following, and still remained very feeble. I often admired the goodness of God, that he did not suffer me to proceed on my journey “from this place where I was so tenderly used, and to be sick ‘by the way among strangers. God is very gracious to me, ‘both in health and sickness, and intermingtes much mercy With all my afffictions and toils. Bhjoyed some sweetness in things divine, in the midst of my pain and weakitess, Ob that I could praise the Lord!

PARP YI.] DAVID BRAENERD. 145

[On Tuesday, June 19. He set out on his journey home, and in three days reached his place, near the Forks of Delaware. Performed the journey under much weakness of body, but had comfort in his soul; and in this state he continued through the week.]

Lerd’s day, June 24. Extremely feeble, scarcely able to walk. Visited my Indians, and took much pains to instruct them; laboured with some that were much disaffected to Christianity. My mind was much burdened with the weight and difficulty of my work. My whole dependence and hope | of success seemed to be on God, who alone I saw could make them willing to receive instruction. My heart was much engaged in prayer, sending up silent requests to God, even while | was speaking to them. Oh that I could always go in the strength of the Lord.

Monday, June 25. Was something better in health than of late, and was able to spend a considerable part of the day in close studies. Had more freedom and fervency in prayer than usual of late; especially longed for the presence of God in my work, and that the poor Heathen might be converted, In evenig prayer, my faith and hope in God were much raised. To an eye of reason every thing respecting the conversion of the Heathen is as dark as midnight; yet I cannot but hope in God for the accomplishment of something glorious among them. My soul longed much for the advancement of the Redeemer’s kingdom on earth. Was very fearfal lest 1 should admit some vain thought, and so lose the sense I then had of divine things. Oh for an abiding heavenly temper.

Tuesday, June 26. In the morning, my desires seemed ta ise, and ascend up freely to God. Was busy most of the day in translating prayers into the language of the Delaware In. dians; met with great difficulty, seeing that my Interpreter Was altogether unacquainted with the business. But though; much discouraged with the difficulty of the work, yet God. supported me; and especially in the evening, gave me. sweet refreshment. In prayer my soul was enlarged, and mny faith drawn into sensible exercise; was enabled to ery, to God for iny poor Indians; and though the work of their convergien appeared “ impossible with man, yet with God” E saw “all things were possible.” My feith was much strength-.

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ened, by observing the wonderful assistance God afforded his servants Nehemiah and Ezra, in reforming his people, and re-establishing his ancient church. 1 was much assisted in prayer for dear Christian friends, and for others that I apprehended to be Christless; but was more especially concerned for the poor Heathen, and those of my own charge. Was enabled to be instant in prayer for them, and hoped that God would bow the heavens and come down for their salvation: It seemed to me, there could be no impediment sufficient to obstruct that glorious work, seeing the living God, as I strongly hoped, was engaged for it. I continued in a solemn frame, lifting up my heart to God for assistance and grace, that I might be more mortified to this present world; that my whole soul might be taken up continually in concern for the advancement of Christ’s kingdom: longed that God would purify me more, that I might be as a chosen vessel to bear his name among the Heathen. Continued in this frame till I dropped asleep.

Wednesday, June 27. Felt something of the same solemn concern, and spirit of prayer, that I enjoyed last night, soon after I arose in the morning.—In the afternoon, rode several miles to see if I could procure any lands for the poor Indians, that they might live together, and be under better advantages for instruction. While I was riding, had a deep sense of the greatness and difficulty of my work; and my soul seemed to rely wholly upon God for success, in the diligent and faithful use of means. Saw, with greatest certainty, that the arm of the Lord must be revealed, for the help of these poor Heathen, if ever they were delivered from the bondage of the powers of darkness. Spent most of the time, while riding, in lifting up my heart for grace and assistance.

Thursday, June 28. Spent the morning in reading several parts of the holy scripture, and in fervent prayer for my: Indians, that God would set up his kingdom among them, and bring them into his church.—About nine, I withdrew to my usual place of retirement in the woods; and there again enjoyed some assistance in prayer. My great concern was for the conversion of the Heathen, and the Lord helped me to plead with him for it. ‘Towards noon, rode up to the Indians, in order to preach to them; and while going my heart; went up to God in prayer for them. I could freely tell the Lord, he knew that the cause was not mine, which I was en-

_ PART VIL) DAVID BRAINERD. 112

gaged in; but it was his own cause, and it would be for his own glory to convert the poor Indians. Blessed be his name, I felt no desire for their conversion, that I might receive honour from the world, as being the instrument of it. Had some freedom in speaking to the Indians.

Saturday, June 30. My soul was much solemnized in reading God’s word, especially the ninth chapter of Daniel, I saw how God had called out his servants to prayer, and made them wrestle with him, when he designed to bestow any great mercy on bis church. But alas, I was ashamed of myself, to think of my dulness and inactivity, when there seemed to be so much to do for the upbuilding of Zion. Ob, how does Zion lie waste! I longed that the church of God might be enlarged: was enabled to pray, I think, in faith. My soul seemed sensibly to confide in God, and was enabled to wrestle with him. Afterwards, walked abroad to a place of sweet retirement, and enjoyed some assistance in prayer again: had a sense of my great need of divine help, and felt my soul sensibly depend on God. Blessed be his name, this has been a comfortable week to me.

Lords day, July 1. In the morning, was perplexed with Wandering vain thoughts; was much grieved, judged and condemned myself before God. And oh, how miserable did I feel, because I could not live to God. At ten, rode away With a heavy heart, to preach to my Indians. Upon the toad I attempted to lift up my heart to God, but was infested with an unsettled wandering frame of mind; was exceeding restless and perplexed, and filled with shame and. confusion before God. I seemed to myself to be “ more british than any man;” and thought, none deserved to be “cast out of God’s presence” so much as I. If I attempted to lift up my heart to God, as I frequently did by the way, on a sudden, before I was aware, my thoughts were wandering “ to the ends of the earth ;” and my soul was filled with surprise and anxiety to find it thus. After I came to the Indians, my mind was also confused; and I felt nothing sensibly of that sweet reliance on God, that my soul has been comforted with in days past. Spent the forenoon in. this state of mind, and preached to the Indians without any heart, In the afternoon, I felt still barren, when 1 began to preach; and after about half an hour, I seemed to myself to know nothing, and to have nothing to say; but soon I $18 THE LIFE OF [eaRt vrs

found in myself a spirit of love, and warmth, and power, to address the poor Indians; and God helped me to plead with them, to “ turn from all the vanities of the Heathen, to the living God.” I am persuaded also that the Lord touched their consciences; for I never saw such attention raised in them before. When I came away from them, I spent the whole time while I was riding to my lodgings, three miles distant, in prayer and praise to God. After I had rode more than two miles, it came into my mind to dedicate myself to God again; which 1 did with great solemnity and unspeakable satisfaction; especially gave up myself to him renewedly in the work of the ministry. And this I did by divine grace, I hope, without any exception or reserve; not in the least shrinking back from any difficulties that might attend this great:and blessed work. I seemed to be most free, chearful, and full in this dedication of myself. My whole soul cried, “ Lord, to thee | dedicate myself: oh accept of me, and let me be thine for ever. Lord, 1 desire nothing else; 1 desire nothing more. Oh come, come, Lom, accept a poor worm. Whom have I in heaven but thee; and there is none upon earth that I desire besides thee.” After this I was enabled to ‘praise God with my whole soul, that he had enabled me to devote and consecrate all my powers to him in this solemn manner. I rejoiced in my work as a missionary; rejoiced in the necessity of self-denial and still continued to give up myself to God, and implore mercy of him; praying incessantly, every moment with sweet fervency. My nature being very weak of tate, and much spent, I was now considerably overcome: my fingers grew very feeble and numb, so that I could scarcely stretch them out straight; and when I lighted from my horse, could hardly walk, my joints seemed all to be loosed. Bat I felt abundant strength in the inner man. Preached to the white people: God helped me much, especially in prayer. Several of my poor Indians were so moved as to come to meeting. also; and one appeared: much concerned.

Monday, July 2. Had some relish of the divine comforts of yesterday; but could not get that-warmth and exercise of faith that I desired. Had sometimes a distressing’ sense of tny past follies, and present ighoranée and barrenness; and especially in the afternoon, ‘was sunk:‘down under <a load of sin and guilt; in that I bad lived éo little to God,: after his

PORT VIL] DAVID. BRAINERD. 419

abyndant goodness ta me yesterday. In the evening, though very weak, was enabled to pray with fervency, and to con; tinue instant in prayer, near an hour. My soul mourned over the power of its corruption, and longed exceedingly to be washed and purged as with hyssap. Was enabled to pray for my dear absent friends, Christ's ministers, and his church; and enjaqyed much freedom and fervency, but not $0 much comfort, by reason of guilt and shame before God.—Judged and condemned myself: for the follies of the day.

_ Tuesday, July 3. Still very weak. This morning, was enabled to pray under a feeling sense of my need of help from God, and tryst I had some faith in exercise; and blessed be ‘God, was enabled to plead with him a consider, able time. Traly God is good ta me, But my soul moarne ed and was grieved at my ainfulness and barrenness, and longed to be more engaged for God. Near nine, withdrew again for prayer; and through divine goodness, had the blessed Spirit of prayer. My saul loved the duty, and longs ed for God in it. It is sweet to be the Lord's, to be:sens sitly devoted to him. What a blessed portion is God; how glorious, how lovely in himself! Spent most of the day ip translating prayers into Indian. In the evening, was ene abled again to wrestle with God in prayer with fervency, and afterwards to maintain a self-diffdent and watchful frame of spirit; felt jealous and afraid lest I should admit carelessness and self-confidence,.

[The next day he seems to have had special assistance and fervency, but in a less degree than the preceding day. Thursday was spent jn great bodily weakness, yet in the Most painful exercises of religion. In great bitterness of spirit he exclaims, “ I thought there was not ope creature living so vile as J, Oh, my inward pollution; my guilt and shame before God!——I know not what to de. I. longed ardently to ‘he cleansed and washed from the stgins of inn ward pollution! Oh, ta be made like.God, or rather to. Pe mae fit for God to ewn!”]:

' Friday, July 6. Awoke this morning in the few of Gods soon called to mind my sadness in the evening past, and,

‘Spent my first waking minutes in prayer | for san¢tification,

126 ' THE LIFE OF {PART VI.

that my soul might be washed from its exceeding pollution and defilement. After I arose, 1 spent some time in reading God's word, and cried to ‘God under’a sense of my great indigency.—I am, of late, most of all concerned for ministerial qualifications, and the conversion of the Heathen. Last year, I longed to be prepared for a world of glory, and speedily to depart out of this world; but of late my concern is for the conversion of the Heathen; and for that end, I; long to live. Blessed be God, I have less desire to live for any of the pleasures of the world than ever I had. I long - and love to be a pilgrim, and want grace to imitate the life, ‘labours, and sufferings of St. Paul among the Heathen. And when I long for holiness now, it is not so much for myself as formerly; but rather that thereby I may become an “ able minister of the New-Testament,” especially to the Heathen. Spent about two hours this morning in reading and prayer by turns; and was in a watchful tender frame, afraid of every thing that might cool my affections, and draw away my heart from God. Was. somewhat strengthened in my studies, but near night very weak and weary. Saturday, July 7. Much disordered this morning, my vigour all spent and exhausted; but was affected and re- - freshed in reading the story of Elijah’s translation, and enjoyed some affection and fervency in prayer. I longed for ministerial gifts and graces, that I might do something in the cause of God. Afterwards was refreshed and invigorated, while reading Mr. Joseph Alleine’s first case of conscience, and enabled then to pray with some ardour. Was afraid of arelessness and self-confidence, and longed for holiness. Lord’s day, July 8. Was ill last night, unable to rest quietly. Had some degree of assistance in: preaching to the Indians, and afterwards to the white people, especially in the close of my discourse, from Jer. iii. 28. The Lord also assisted me in some measure in the first prayer: blessed ‘be his name. Near night, though very weary, was enabled to read God’s word with some relish, and to pray with affection, fervency, and faith: my soul was more sensibly dependent on God than usual. Was watchful and jealous of my own heart, lest I should admit carelessness and vain thoughts, and grieve the blessed Spirit, so that he should withdraw his heavenly influences. Longed ta “ depart, and be with Christ,” more than at.any time of late. My soul was ex- ‘PART vi.) DAVID ‘BRAINERD, “398

ceedingly united to the saints of ancient times, aswell as ‘those now living; especially my soul melted for the society of Elijah and Elisha. Was enabled to cry to God with a ‘child-like spirit, and to continue instant in prayer for some time. Was much enlarged in the duty of intercession; remembered great numbers of dear friends, and precious souls, as well as Christ’s ministers. Continued in this frame, ‘afraid of every idle thought, till I dropped asleep.

Monday, July 9. I}, and not able to sit up the whole day; towards night a little better. Then spent some time in reading and prayer; enjoyed some degree of fervency and ‘affection; was enabled to plead with God for his cause and ‘kingdom; and through divine goodness, it'was apparent to me that it was his cause I pleaded for, and not my own. I was encouraged to make this an argument with God to answer my requests. °

Tuesday, July 10. Ill and full of pain, and very dull and spiritless. In the evening, had an affecting sense of my ignorance, and of my need of God at all times, to do every thing for me; and my soul was humbled before God."

Wednesday, July 11. Still exercised with illness and pain. Had some degree of affection and warmth in prayer and reading God’s word. Longed for Abraham’s faith and fellowship with God; and felt some resolution to spend all my time for God, and to exert myself with more fervency in his service; but found my body weak and feeble. In the after-

noon, though very ill, was enabled to spend some considerable time in prayer; indeed most of the day in that exercise, My soul was diffident, watchful and tender, lest I should offend my blessed friend, in thought or behaviour. I am persuaded my soul confided im, and leaned upon the blessed God. Oh what need I have of God at all times, to assist me and lead me! Found a great want of strength and Vigour, both i in the outer and inner man.

(The exercises and experiences of the next nine days, aré very similar to those of the preceding; a sense of his own weakness, ignorance, unprofitableness and vileness; lothing and abhorring himself; self-diffidence; sense of the greatness of his work, and his great need of divine help, and the extreme danger of self-confidence; longing for holiness and humilty, and for the conversion of the Indians. ‘

192. SHE LEFB OF. -[PARY WI.

. Saturday, July a1. This moming, was greatly oppressed with guilt and shame, from a sense of inward vilenesg and pollution. About nine, withdrew to the woods for prayer; but had not much comfort. I appeared to myself the vilest, Meanest creature upon earth, and could scarcely live with myself. So mean and vile I appeared, that | thought I should never be able to hold up my face ip heaven, if God of his infinite grace should bring me thither. Towards hight my burden respecting my work among the Indians began to increase, and was aggravated by hearing sundry things that Jooked very discouraging; in particular that they intended to meet together the next day for an. idolatrous feast and dance. Then I began to be in anguish: I thought A must in conscience go and endeavour to break them up, yet knew not how to attempt it. However, I withdrew for prayer, hoping for strength from above. In prayer I was exceedingly enlarged, and my soul was as much drawn out as ever | remember. I was in such anguish, and pleaded with so much earnestness and importunity, that when J rose from my knees I felt extremely weak and overcome. [ could: scarcely walk straight, my joints were loosed, the sweat rao down my face and body, and nature seemed as if it would dissolve.: So far as I could judge, | was wholly free from selfish ends in my fervent supplications for the poor Indians. I knew they were met together tp worship devils, and not God; this made me cry earnestly that God would now appear, and help me in my attempts to break up this idolatrous meeting. My soul pleaded long, and I thought God would hear, and would go with me to vingj-- gate his.awn cause. I seemed to confide in him for his presence and assistance.. Thus I spent the evening, praying incessantly for divine assistance, and that I might not be self-dependent, but still have my whole dependance upon God. ‘What I passed through was remarkable, and indeed inexpressible. All things here below vanished; and there appeared to be nothing of any considerable importance to me, but holiness of heart and life, and the conversion of. the Heathen to God. All my cares, fears and desires, which might be said to be of a worldly nature, disappeared; and were in my esteem, of little more importance than a puff of wind. I-exceedingly longed that God would get to himself & name among the Heathen ;.and I appealed to him with the greatest freedom, that he knew I “ preferred him above my chief joy.” Indeed 1 had no notion of joy from this world ¢ I cared not where or bow I lived, or what hardships I went through, so that I could but win souls to Christ. I continued in this frame all the evening and night. While I was asleep, I dreamed of these things; and when I waked, (as I frequently did,) the first thing | thought of was this great work of pleading for God against Satan.

Lord's day, July 22.. When I waked, my soul was burdened with. what seemed to be before me. I cried to God before I could get out of bed; and as soon as I was dressed J withdrew into the woods, to pour out my burdened soul to God, especially for assistance in my great work; for 1 could scarcely think of any thing else. I enjoyed the same freedom and fervency as the last evening; and did with unspeakable freedom give up myself afresh to God, for life a» death, for all hardships he should call.:me to among the Heathen; and felt as if nothing could discourage me frem this blessed work. I had a strong hope that God would “bow the heavens and come down,” and do some ‘marvellous work among the Heathen. And when I was riding to the Indians, three miles, my heart was continually going-up to God far his presence and assistance; hoping, and almost expecting, that God would make this the day.of his power and grace amongst: the poor Indians. When 1 came to

«them, I found them engaged in their frolic; but. through divine goodness 1 .got them to break up and attend to my preaching: still there appeared nothing of the special: power ‘ef God among them. Preached again in the afternoon, and observed the Indians‘ were more sober than before; but still saw nothing special among them. Satan took - occasion from this to tempt and buffet me with suggestions, that there is no God; or if there be, he is not able to convert the Indians before they have more knowledge, Sc. 1 was very weak and weary, and my soul borne down with perplexity; but was -dead to all the world, and determined still to wait upon God for the conversion of the Heathen, though Satan tempted me to the contrary..

‘Monday, July 23. Retained still a deep and pressing sense of what lay with so much weight upon me yesterday, but was more calm and quiet; enjoyed freedom and composure, after the temptations of the last evening. Felt re-

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signed to the divine will, and desired nothing so much as the. conversion of the Heathen to God; that his kingdom might come in my own heart, and the hearts of others. Rode to a settlement of Irish people, about fifteen miles south-westward; spent my time in prayer and meditation by the way. Near night, preached from Matth. v.3. God was pleased to afford some freedom and fervency; blessed be his name.

Tuesday, July 24. Rode about seventeen miles westward, over a hideous mountain, to a number of Indians. Gost together near thirty of them: preached to them in the evening, and lodged among them.* Felt weak and rather disconsolate: yet could have no pleasure in the thought of any other circumstances or business in life. All my desire was the conversion of the Heathen, and all my hope was in God; who does not suffer me to please myself with hopes of seeing friends, returning to my dear acquaintance, or enjoy~ ing worldly comforts.

[The next day he preached to these Indians again; then returned to the Irish settlement, and preached to a numerous congregation: there was a considerable appearance of awakening in the congregation. Thursday he returned home, exceedingly fatigued and spent; still in the same frame of mortification to the world, and solicitous for the advancement of Christ’s kingdom. He says, “ I have felt this week, - more of the spirit of a pilgrim on earth, than perhaps ever before: and yet so desirous to see Zion’s prosperity, that I was not so willing to leave this scene of sorrow as I used to be.”—-The two remaining days of the week he was very ill, and cries out of wanderings, dulness, and want of spiritual

_fervency. On the Sabbath he was confined by illness, not able to preach. He continued very ill all the week ;+ and says, that “he thought he never before endured such a season of distressing weakness; his nature was so spent that he. could neither stand, sit, nor lie with any quiet; he was exercised with extreme faintness and sickness at his stomach; his mind was as much disordered as his body, perplexed to think that he lived for nothing, and could do nothing but trifle.

* See Mr. Brainerd’s narrative at the end of his ordination-sermon.

+ This week, on Tuesday, he wrote the fourth letter, added at the end: of his account.

He speaks of it as a season wherein Satan buffeted him with some peculiar temptations.”—Concerning the next five days he writes thus, “On Lord’s day, August 5, was still very poorly. But though weak, I visited and preached to the poor Indians twice, and was strengthened beyond my expectations. Indeed, the Lord gave me some freedom and fer vency in addressing them, though I had not strength enough to stand, but was obliged to sit down the whole time. Towards night, was extremely weak and full of pain, and have continued much in the same state that | was in last week; unable to engage in any business, and frequently unable to pray in the family. I am obliged to let all my thoughts and’ concerns run at random; for I have neither strength to read, meditate or pray: and this naturally perplexes my mind. { seem to myself like a man that has all his estate embarked in one small boat, unhappily going adrift, down a swift torrent. *Ihe poor owner stands on the shore, and looks, and laments his loss. Butalas, though my all seems.to be adrift, and | stand and see it, 1 dare not lament; for this sinks my

- spirits more, and aggravates my bodily disorders. I am foreed therefore to divert myself with trifles, although at the same time’ 1 am afraid, and often feel as if 1 was guilty of the misimprovement of time. My conscience is frequently so exercised with this miserable way of spending time, that I have no peace; though I have no strength of mind or body to improve it to better purpose. Oh that God would pity my distressed state !”,

[The next three weeks after this, his illness was not so extreme; he was in some degree capable of business, both pubs lic and private, though still labouring under indisposition. He also enjoyed more inward assistance and strength of mind, and often expressed great longings for the enlargement of Christ’s kingdom, especially by the conversion of the Heathen, which was all his hope and joy. He continues still to express his desires after holiness and living to God, and his sense of his own unworthiness. He several times speaks of his appearing to himself the vilest creature on earth; and once says, that he verily thought there were none of God’s children who fell so far short of holiness and perfection in their obedience as he. He speaks of his feeling more dead than ever to the enjoyments of the world, and of 726 YHE LIFE OF;. [Parr v2.

the special assistance he had in preaching to the Indians, and of some appearances of religious concern among them. He speaks also of assistance in prayer for absent friends, and especially ministers and candidates for the ministry; and of much comfort he enjoyed in the company: of some ministers who came to visit him.]

Saturday, September 1. Was so far strengthened, after a season of great weakness, that I was able to spend two or three hours in writing on adivine subject. Enjoyed some comfort in things sacred: and as my bodily strength was in seme measure restored, so my soul se¢med to be somewhat vigorous, and engaged in the things of God.

Lord’s day, Sep.2. Was enabled to speak to my poor Indians with much concern and fervency; and am persuaded God enabled me to exercise faith in him, while I was speaking to them. I perceived that some of them were afraid to hearken to, and embrace Christianity, lest they should be inchanted and poisoned by some of the powows! But I was enabled to plead with them not to fear these; and confiding in God for safety and deliverance, I bid a challenge to all these powers of darkness, to do their worst upon:me first. I told my people, 1 was a Christian, and asked them why the powows did not bewitch and poison me. I scarcely ever felt more sensible of my own unworthiness than in this action, | I saw that the honour of God was concerned in it, and I desired to be preserved, not from selfish views, but for a testimony of the divine power and goodness, and of the truth of Christianity, and that God might be glorified. Afterwards, J found my soul rejoice in God for his assisting grace.

[After this he went a journey into New-England, and was absent from the place of his abode, at the Forks of Delaware, about three weeks. He was in a feeble state the greater part of the time. But towards the close of the journey, he gained much in health and strength. And as to the state of his mind, and his religious and spiritual exercises, it was much with him as usual in his journeys; except that he seemed to be more generally comfortable. Yet there are complaints of the want of fervency, and want of retirement, and time alone with God. In this journey he, did not forget the Indians; but once and again speaks of his longing for. their conversion.]

Past VI.J DAVID BRAINERD. 197

Wednesday, Sep. 26.. Rode home to the Forks of Dela» ware, What reason have I to bless God, who has preserved me in riding more than four hundred and twenty miles, and has “kept all my bones, that not one of them has beer broken.”. My health likewise is greatly recovered: oh that I could dedicate my all to God! This is all the return I can make to him. -

Thursday, Sep. 27. Was rather melancholy; bad not much freedom and comfort in prayer. My soul is disconsolate when God is withdrawi.

Friday, Sep. 28. Spent the day in prayer, reading, and Writing. Felt some warmth in prayer, and so the desires for the enlargement of Christ's kingdom by the. conversion of the Heathen, and that God would make me a “ chosen ves* tel, to bear his name before them :” longed for grace to enable me to be faithful..

Monday, October 1. Was engaged this day i in making pre paration for my intended journey to Susquahanneh: withdrew several times 10 the woods for secret. duties, and endea toured to plead for the divine presence to go with me to the peer Pagans, to whom I was going to preach the gospel Towards night rode about four miles, and met brother Byath * who was come at my desire, to be my companion in travel to the Indians. I rejoiced to see him, and I trast, God made his conversation profitable to me. I saw him, as I thought, more dead to the world, its anxious cares and ab luring objects, than I was. This made me look within myelf, and gave ime a- greater sense of: my guilt, ingratitude, and misery.

Twesiny, Oct. & Set out on my journey, in company with deur brother Byram and my interpreter, and two chief Indians from the Forks of Delaware. Travelled about twenty-five inéles, and lodged in one of the last houses on our toad; after which there wes nothing but a hideous and howl. ing wilderness.

Wednesday, Oet.8. We went on our way into the wilder hess, ad found the most difficult and dangerous travelling that ady of us had ever seen. We had scarce any thing else bat lofty mountains, deep valleys, and hideous rocks, to make der way thrdugh. However, 1 felt some pleasure in

* Minister at'a lace called Rockeiticus about forty ‘miles from Mr. Brain: erd’s lodgings,. oo ag Lo. we :THE LIFE OF | pparrr,

divine things part of the day, and had my mind intensely engaged in meditation. Near night, the beast I rode upon hung one of her legs in the rocks, and fell down under me; but through divine goodness, I was not hurt. However, she broke her leg; and being in such a hideous place, and near thirty miles from any house, I saw nothing that could be done to preserve her life, and so was obliged to kill her, and to prosecute my journey on foot. This accident made me admire the divine goodness, that my bones were not broken, and the multitude of them filled with strong pain. Just at dark we kindled a fire, cut up a few bushes, and made a shelter over our heads, to save us from the frost, which was very hard that night; and committing ourselves to God by prayer, we lay down on the ground and slept quietly.

Friday, Oct. 5. We arrived at Susquahannah river, at 3 place called Opeholhaupung,* and found there twelve Indian ~ houses. After I had saluted the king in a friendly manner, I told him my business, and that my desire was to teach them Christianity. After some consultation, the Indians assembled, and I preached to them. When I had done, I asked if they would hear me again. They replied that they would consider of it; and soon after sent me word that they

- would immediately attend, if I would preach: which 1 did, with freedom, both times. When I asked them again whether they would hear me further, they replied, they would the next day. 1 was sensible of the impossibility of doing any thing for the poor Heathen, without special assistance from above: and my soul seemed to rest on God, and leave it to him te do as he pleased in that which I saw was his own cause: Through divine goodness, I had felt something of this frame most of the time I was travelling thither; and in some mea sure before I set out.

Saturday, Oct. 6. Rose early, and besought the Lord for help in my great work. Near noon, preached again to the Indians: in the afternoon, visited them from house to house, and invited them to come and hear me again the next day, and put off their hunting design, which they were just entering upon, till Monday. “This night,” I trust, “the Lord gtoed by me,” to encourage and strengthen my soul. - I. $pent more than an hour in secret retirement; was enabled to. pour out my heart before God, for the increase of grace and

bd See his narrative at the end of bis ordination sermon. ministerial endowments; for success among the poor Indians, for God’s ministers and people, and for distant friends.

[The next day he complains of great want of fixedness and intenseness in religion, so that he could not keep any spiritual thought one minute without distraction; which occasioned anguish of spirit. He felt, (he says) “amazingly guilty, and extremely miserable;” and cries out, “Oh my soul, what death it is, to have the affections unable to centre in God, by reason of darkness, and consequently roving after that satisfaction elsewhere which is only to be found in him.”. However, he preached twice to the Indians with some freedom and power; but was afterwards damped by the objections they made against Christianity. In the evening, under a sense of his great defects in preaching» he “ intreated God not to impute to him blood-guiltiness; ” yet at the same time rejoiced in God.]

- Monday, Oct. 8. Visited the Indians with a design to take my leave of them, supposing they would. this morning go out to hunting early; but beyond my expectation, they desired to hear me preach again. I gladly complied with their request, and afterwards endeavoured to answer their objections to Christianity. Then they went away; and we spent the test of the afternoon in reading and prayer, intending to go: homeward very early next day. My soul was in some measure refreshed in secret prayer and meditation. Blessed be the Lord for all his goodness. ’

Tuesday, Oct.9. We rose about four in the morning; ‘and commending ourselves to God by prayer, and asking his special protection, we set out on our journey homewards about five, and travelled with great steadiness till past six at night. We then made a fire, and a shelter of barks, and so rested. In the night, the wolves howled around us; but God preserved us.

[The next day they rose early and set forward, and travelled till they came to an Irish settlement, where Mr. Brainerd Wes acquainted, and lodged there. He mentions his. thankfulness to God for his goodness to him in this journey, com- Plaining at the same time of his own barrenness. On.‘Fhurs-

Co ‘ox:;..

130 THE LIFE OF {PART v1.

.day, he continued in the same place; and he and Mr. Byram preached to the people.]

Friday, Oct. 12. Rode home to my lodging; where [ poured out my soul to God in secret prayer, and endeavoured to bless him for his abundant. goodness to me in my late journey. I scarcely ever enjoyed more health, at least of late years; and God marvellously, and almost miraculously, supported me under the fatigues of the way, travelling on foot. Blessed be the Lord, who continually preserves me in all my ways.

Lord’s day, Oct. 14. Was much confused and perplexed in my thoughts; could not pray; and was almost discouraged, thinking I should never be able to preach any more.. But afterwards, God was pleased to give me some relief from these confusions: yet still I was afraid, and even trembled before him. I went to the place of public worship, lifting up my heart to God for assistance in my great work. He was gracious to me, and helped me to plead with him for holiness, and to use the strongest arguments, drawn from the incarnation and sufferings of Christ for this very end, that men might be made holy. Afterwards I was much assisted in preaching. I know not that ever God helped me to preach in a more close and distinguishing manner for the trial of men’s state. Through infinite goodness, I felt what I spake; and God enabled me to treat on divine truth with uncommon clearness. Yet I was so sensible of my defects in preaching, that I could not be proud of my performance, as at some times; and blessed be the Lord for this mercy. In the evening I longed to be entirely alone, to bless God for help in a time of extremity; and prayed for greater degrees of holiness, that 1 might shew my gratitude to God.

(Next morning he spent some time in prayer before sunrise, in the same grateful frame of mind that he had been in the evening before: and afterwards went to his Indians, and spent some time in teaching and exhorting them.]

Tuesday, Oct. 16. Felt a spirit of solemnity and watchfulness; was afraid I should not live to and upon God: longed for more intenseness and spirituality. Spent the day in - writing, frequently lifting up my heart to God for more- sheavenly-mindedness. In the evening, had assistance in prayer, and thirsted and pleaded to be as holy as the blessed angels: longed for ministerial gifts and graces, and success in my work. Was greatly assisted in the duty of intercession, and enabled to remember and plead for numbers of dear friends, and ministers of Christ.

Friday, Oct. 19. Felt an abasing sense of my own impurity and unholiaess; and mourned that I had grieved a gracious God, who was still kind to me, notwithstanding all my unworthiness. My soul enjoyed a sweet season of bitter repentance and sorrow, that I had wronged that blessed God, who I was persuaded, was reconciled to me in his dear Son. My soul was now tender, devout, and solemn. I was afraid of nothing but sin, and afraid of that in every action and thought.

Wednesday, Oct. 24. Near noon, rode to my people; spent some time and prayed with them. Felt like a pilgrim on earth; longed much to leave this gloomy mansion, yet found the exercise of patience and resignation. Returning home from the Indians, I spent the whole time in lifting up my heart to God. In the evening, enjoyed a blessed season alone in prayer; was enabled to cry to God with a childlike spirit, for the space of near an hour. Enjoyed freedom in supplicating for myself, for dear friends, ministers, and some who are preparing for that work, and for the church of God; and longed to be as lively myself in God’s service as the angels..

Thursday, Oct. 25. Was busy in writing. Sensible of my absolute dependence on God in all respects, I saw that I could do nothing, unless he should smile upon my attempt. “Not that we are sufficient of ourselves to think any thing, as of ourselves,” was a truth that I fully realised.

Friday, Oct. 26. In the morning my soul was melted with a sense of divine goodness and mercy to such a vile unworthy worm, I delighted to lean upon God, and place my whole trust in him. My soul was exceedingly grieved for sin, and longed after holiness; it wounded me deeply to think how I had abused the kindness of God. I longed to be per-. fectly holy, that I-might not grieve a gracious God; who Continues to lave, notwithstanding his love is abused. I longed for holiness more for this end, than I did for my own happiness sake. This was my greatest happiness, never more to dishonous, but always to glorify the blessed God.

x 2 132 THE LIFE OF’ | [PART vi,

[The four next days, he was exercised with much disorder and pain of body, with a degree of melancholy and gloominess of mind, bitterly complaining of deadness and unprofitableness, yet mourning and longing after God.]

Wednesday, Oct. 31. Was sensible of my barrenness, and decays in the things of God: my soul failed when I remembered the fervency I had enjoyed at the throne of grace. Oh, I thought, if 1 could but be spiritual, warm, heavenlyminded, and affectionately breathing after God, this would be better than life to me. My soul longed exceedingly for -heath, to be loosed from this dalness and barrenness, and

made for ever active in the service of God. I seemed to live

for nothing, and to do no good: and oh the burden of such a life! Oh, death, death, my kind friend, hasten and deliver me from dull mortality, and make me spiritual and vigorous to eternity!

Thursday, November 1. Had but little sweetness in divine things. In the evening, felt some life, and longings after. God. Desired to be always solemn, devout, and heavenlyminded; was afraid to leave off praying, lest I should again lose a sense of the things of God.

- Friday, Nov. 2. Was filled with sorrow and confusion in the morning, and could neither enjoy divine things, nor get any relief in prayer. Saw I deserved that every one of God’s creatures should be let loose upon me, as the exécu= tioners of his wrath: and yet I saw that I deserved what [ ‘did not fear as my portion. About noon, rode up to the Indians; and while going, could feel no desires for them,

and even dreaded to say any thing to them. But God was pleased to give me some freedom and enlargement, and made the season comfortable. In the evening I had enlargement in prayer. But alas, what comforts and enlargements I have felt for these many weeks past, have been only transient and short; and the greater part of my time has been filled up with deadness, or struggles with deadness, and bitter conflicts with corruption. [ have found myself exercised sorely with some particular things that I thought myself most of all freed from. Thus I have ever found it, when | have thought the battle was over, and the conquest gained, and so let down my watch, the enemy has risen up and done me the greatest

injury.

PaBT vi.) = DAVID BRAINERD. 183

Saturday, Nov. 3. I read the life and trials of a godly man, and was much warmed by it. I wondered at my past deadness, and was more convinced of it than ever. Was enabled to confess and bewail my sin before God with selfabhorrence.

Lord’s day, Nov. 4. Had, I think, some exercise of faith in prayer, in the morning: longed to be spiritual. Had considerable help in preaching to my poor Indians: was ene conraged with them, and hoped that God designed mercy for them.

[The next day* he set out on a journey to New-York, to. the meeting of the Presbytery there; and was gone from home more than a fortnight. He seemed to enter on this journey with great reluctance; fearing that the diversions of it would prove a means of cooling his religious affections, as he had found in other journeys. Yet in this journey he had some special seasons wherein he enjoyed extraordinary evidences and fruits of God’s gracious presence. He was greatly fatigued, and exposed to cold and storms: and when he returned from New-York to New-Jersey, on Friday, was taken very ill, and was detained by his illness some time. ]

Wednesday, Nov.21. Rode from Newark to Rockciticus in the cold, and was almost overcome with it. Enjoyed some interesting conversation with Mr. Jones, while I dined with him: my soul loves the people of God, and especially

ithe ministers of Jesus Christ, who feel the same trials as I do. Thursday, Nov. 22. Came on my way from Rockciticus _ to Delaware river. Was very much disordered with a cold ~ and pain in my head. About six at night, I lost my way in the _Wilderness, and wandered over rocks and mountains, down hideous steeps, through swamps, and most dreadful and dan- .gerous places. The night being dark, and few stars to be seen, I was greatly exposed, much pinched with cold, and distressed with an extreme pain in my head, attended with sickness at my stomach. Every step | took was distressing tome. I had little hope for several hours together, but that I must lie out in the woods all night, in this distressed case, Bat about nine o’clock I found a house, through ‘the abun-

* On this day he concluded his Narrative, at the end of his ordination sermon. K 3 =