His Removal to Crosweeksung, Where He Had His Most Remarkable Success (part 2 of 2)

134 THE LIFE OF [PART V1.

dant goodness of God, and was kindly entertained. I have frequently been thus exposed, and sometimes lain out the whole night; but God has hitherto preserved me, and blessed be his name. Such fatigues and hardships as these serve to wean me more from the earth; and I trust, will make heaven the sweeter. Formerly, when thus exposed to cold and. rain, I'was ready to please myself with the thoughts of ene joying a comfortable house, a warm fire, and other outward comforts; but now these have less place in my heart, (through the grace of God,) and my eye is more to God for comfort. In this world I expect tribulation; and it does not now, as formerly, appear strange to me. I do not in such seasons of difficulty flatter myself that it will be better hereafter; but rather think, how much worse it might be} how much greater trials others of God’s children have endured, and how much greater are yet perhaps reserved for me. Blessed be God, that he makes the thoughts of my journey’s. end and of my dissolution a great comfort to me, under my sharpest trials; and scarcely ever lets these thoughts be attended with terror or melancholy, but more frequently with hope and joy.

Friday, Nov. 23. Visited a sick man; discoursed and prayed with him. Then visited another house, where was one dead and laid out; looked on the corpse, and longed, ‘that my time might come to depart, that I might be with Christ. Retired to my lodgings about one o’clock. Felt - poorly; but was able to read, most of the afternoon.

[During the next twelve days, he had many seasons of the special influences of God’s Spirit, animating, invigorating, and comforting him in the ways of God and duties of reli- - gion, but intermixed with great dejection and melancholy, He spent much time in hard labour, with others, to construct

_ alittle cottage or hut, to live in by himself through the winter. Yet he frequently preached to the Indians, and speaks of special assistance being afforded, and of his sometimes.

‘ having considerable encouragement, from the attention they gave to the word. But on Tuesday, Dec. 4, he sunk into great discouragement, from seeing many of them going in company to an idolatrous feast and dance, after he had taken. abundant pains to dissuade them from these things.) ~ ‘PART Vi.] DAVID BRAINERD. 13§

_ Thursday, Dec. 6. Having now a happy opportunity of being retired in a house of my own, which | have lately progured and occupied, and considering that it is now a long time since I have been able, either on account of bodily weakness, or for want of retirement or some other difficulty, to spend any time in secret fasting and prayer; considering also the greatness of my work, and the extreme difficulties that attend it: and that my poor Indians are now worshipping devils, notwithstanding all the pains I have taken with them, which almost overwhelms my spirit; moreover, considering my extreme barrenness, spiritual deadness and dejection, of late, as also the power of some particular corruptions; I set apart this day for secret prayer and fasting, to implore the blessing of God on myself, on my poor people, on my friends, and on the church of God. At first I felt a great backwardness to the duties of the day, on account of the seeming impossibility of performing them; but the Lord helped me to break through this difficulty. He was pleased to give me some clear conviction of my sinfulness, and a discovery of the plague of my own heart, more affecting than I have had of late. Especially I saw my sinfulness in this, that when God had withdrawn himself, then, instead of living and dye ing in pursuit of him, I have been disposed to one of these two things ;—either to yield an unbecoming respect to some. earthly objects, as if happiness were to be derived from them ;—or to be secretly froward and impatient, and unsuitably desirous of death, so that I have sometimes thought I could not bear to think my life must be lengthened out. And that which often drove me to this impatient desire of death, was a despair of doing any good in life; and I chose death, rather than a life spent for nothing. But now God made me sensible of my sin in these things, and enabled me to cry to him for forgiveness. Yet this was not all I wanted; for my soul appeared exceedingly polluted, like a nest of vipers, or a cage of unclean and hateful birds. I therefore wanted to be purified “by the blood of sprinkling, that cleanseth from all sin;” and this, I hope, I was enabled to pray for in faith. I enjoyed much more intenseness, fervency and spi- Tituality, than I expected; Ged was better to me than my fears. Towards night I felt my soul rejoice, that Gedlis unchangeably happy and glorious; that he will be glorified, whatever becomes of his creatures. I was enabled to perse- K 4

Kan 136 - THE LIFE OF [PART vi.

vere in prayer, till Isaw so much need of divine help, in every respect, that I knew not how to leave off, and had forgot that I needed food. This evening also 1 was much assisted in meditating on Is. lii.3. Blessed be the Lord for any help in the past day.

Tuesday, Dec. 7. Spent some time in prayer, in the morning; enjoyed some freedom and affection in the duty, and had longing desires of being made “ faithful to the death.” Spent a little time in writing on a divine subject; then visited the Indians and preached to them, but under inexpressible dejection. I had no heart to speak to them, and could not do it, but as | forced myself. I knew they must hate to hear me, having but just got home from their idolatrous feast and devil-worship.—In the evening, had some freedom in prayer and meditation.

Saturday, Dec. 8. Have been uncommonly free this day from dejection, afd from the distressing apprehension. that I could do nothing. Was enabled to pray and study with some comfort, and especially assisted in writing on a divine subject. In the evening I rejoiced in God, and blessed his name for shining on my soul. Oh the blessed change I then felt, when God, “ brought me out of darkness into his marvellous light ”

Lord’s day, Dec. 9. Preached both parts of the day at a place called Greenwich, in New-J ersey, about ten miles from ‘my own house.- In the first discourse I had scarcely any warmth or affectionate longing for souls. During the inter- ‘val, I got alone among the bushes, and cried to God for pardon of my deadness; was in anguish and bitterness, that -I could not address souls with more compassion and tenderness. - I judged and condemned myself for want of this heavenly temper; though | saw I could not obtain it without divine assistance, any more than I could make a world.—In the latter exercise, blessed be the Lord, I had some fervency, both in prayer and preaching; and especially in the application of my discourse was enabled to address precious souls ‘with affectionate concern and importunity. The Spirit. of God, I think, was there ;.as the effects were apparent, tears runnin down many cheeks.

Monday, Dec. 10. Near noon I preached again: God gave me some assistance, and enabled me in some degree to be faithful; so that I had peace in my own soul, and a very com-

-PART VIL] DAVID BRAINERD. 137

fortable composure, “although Israel should not be gather ed.” Came away from Greenwich, and rode home; arrived ‘just in the evening. By the way, my soul blessed God for his goodness; and I rejoiced that so much of my work was done, and I so much nearer my blessed reward. Blessed be God for grace to be faithful.

Tuesday, Dec. 11. Felt very poorly in body, being much tired and worn out the last night. Was assisted in some measure in writing ona divine subject; but was so feeble and sore in my breast, that I had not much resolution in my work. I long for that world “ where the weary are at rest ;” ‘yet through the goodness of God I do not now feel i impatient..

Wednesday, Dec. 12. Was again very weak; but somewhat assisted in secret prayer, and enabled with pleasure to cry, “Come, Lord Jesus; come, Lord Jesus; come quickly.” My soul longed for God, for the living God. Oh how delightful it is to pray under such sweet influences; how much better than one’s necessary food! I had at this time no disposition to eat, though late in the morning; for earthly food appeared wholly tasteless. Oh how much “ better is thy love than wine,” than the sweetest wine!—I visited and preached to the Indians in the afternoon, but under much dejection. Found my Interpreter under some concern for his soul; this was some comfort to me, though it filled me with new care. I longed greatly for his conversion; lifted up my heart to God for it, while I was talking to him. Came home and poured out my soul for him; enjoyed some free- -dom in prayer, and was enabled to leave all with God. -

Thursday, Dec. 13. Endeavoured to spend the day in fasting and prayer, to implore the divine blessing on my ‘poor people; and in particular, | sought converting grace for my Interpreter, and three or four more under some concern for their souls. I was much disordered in the morning when I arose; but having determined to spend the day in this manner, I attempted it. Enjoyed some freedom in. Pleading for these poor souls; and when interceding for them, I was freer from wandering and distracting thoughts, than in any part of my supplications. But in general I was _ Steatly exercised with wanderings; so that in the evening it seemed as if I had need to pray for nothing so much as for the pardon of sins committed in the day past, and the vileness I ' then found in myself. The sins I most lamented were pride and wandering thoughts, whereby I mocked God. The former of these excited me to think of writing, or preaching, or converting Heathen, or performing some other great work, that my name might live when | should be dead. My soul was in anguish and ready to drop into despair, to find so much of that cursed temper. With this and with wandering thoughts, I was almost overwhelmed, and even ready to give over striving after a spirit of devotion. I often sunk into a considerable degree of despondency, and thought I was * more brutish than any man.” Yet after all my sorrows, I trust, through grace, the exercises of this day have been for my good, and have taught me more of my corruption and weakness without Christ, than 1 knew before.

Friday, Dec. 14. Near noon went to the Indians; bat knew not what to say to them, and was ashamed to look them in the face. I felt | had no power to address their consciences, and therefore had no boldness to say any thing. Much of the day I was in despair about ever doing or seeing any good in the land of the living.

Lord’s day, Dec. 16. Was so overwhelmed with dejection, that I knew not how to live. I longed for death exceedingly: my soul was sunk into deep waters, and the floods were ready todrown me. I was so much oppressed, that my soul was in a kind of horror: I could not keep my thoughts fixed in prayer for the space of one minute, without fluttering and distraction. 1 was exceedingly ashamed that I did not live to God. I had no distressing doubt about my own state; but would have cheerfully ventured, as far as [ could possibly know, into eternity. When going to preach to the Indians, my soul was in anguish; I was so overborne with discouragee ment that I despaired of doing any good, and was driven to my wits-end. I knew nothing what to say, nor what course to take. At last J insisted on the evidence we have of the truth of Christianity from the miracles of Christ; many of which I set before them, and God helped me to make a close application to those who refused to believe the truth; and indeed I was enabled to speak to the consciences of all, in some measure. I was a little encouraged to find, that God enabled me to be faithful once more. Then came and preached to another company of them, but was very faint

‘and weary. In the evening I was something refreshed, and.

PART VT.} DAVID BRAINERD: 139

enabled to pray and praise God with composure and affeotion: Felt some enlargement and courage in my work: was willing to live, and longed to do more for God than my weak state of body would admit. “I can do all things through Christ that strengthens me ;” and by his grace, | am willing to spend and be spent in his service, when I am not thus sunk in dejection and despair.

Monday, Dec. 17. Was comfortable in mind, most of the day; and enabled to pray with some freedom, cheerfule ness, composure and devotion. Had also some assistance in writing on a divine subject.

Tuesday, Dec. 18. Went to the Indians, and discoursed to them near an hour, but without any power to come close to their hearts. At last I felt some fervency, and God helped me to speak with warmth. My Interpreter also was amazingly assisted; and I doubt not but “the Spirit of God was upon him,” (though I had no reason to think he had any true and saving grace, but was only under conviction of his lost state ;) and presently, most of the grown persons: were much affected, and the tears ran down their cheeks. One old man (I suppose a hundred years old) was so much af= fected that he wept, and seemed convinced of the import tance of what I taught them. I staid a considerable time, exhorting and directing them; and came away, lifting up my heart to God in prayer and praise, and encouraged and exhorted my Interpreter to “strive to enter in at the strait gate.” Came home and spent most of the evening in prayer and thanksgiving, and found myself much enlarged and quickened. Was greatly concerned that the Lord’s work, which seemed to be begun, might be carried on with power to the conversion of poor souls, and the glory of divine grace.

Wednesday, Dec. 19. Spent a great part of the day in prayer to God for the outpouring of his Spirit on my poor people; also to bless his name for awakening my Interpreter and some others, and giving us some tokens of his presence yesterday. And blessed be God I had much freedom five or six times in ‘the day, in prayer and praise, and felt a Weighty concern upon my spirit for the salvation of those precious souls, and the enlargement of the Redeemer’s kingdom among them. My soul hoped in God for some success: in my ministry; and blessed be his name for so much hope.

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Thursday, Dec. 20. Was enabled to visit the throne of grace frequently this day; and through divine goodness, enjoyed much freedom and fervency. Was much assisted in crying for mercy for my poor people, and felt cheerfulness and hope in my requests for them. I spent much of the day in writing, but was enabled to intermix prayer with my studies..;

Friday, Dec. 21. Assisted again to pray with freedom, ‘chearfulness and hope. God was pleased to make the duty comfortable and pleasant to me; so that I delighted to persevere, and repeatedly to engage in it. Towards noon

‘visited my people, and spent the whole time in the way to ‘them in prayer, longing to see the power of God among them, as there appeared something of it the last Tuesday. ‘] found it sweet to rest and hope in God. Preached to them twice, and at two distinct places: had considerable freedom each time, and so had my Interpreter. Several of ‘them followed me from one place to the other, and I thought there was some divine influence discernible amongst them. In the evening, was assisted in prayer again. Blessed, blessed be the Lord!

’ (Similar things are expressed concerning his inward frame, and assistances on Saturday, as on the preceding days. He observes that this was a comfortable week to him, but concludes, “ Oh that I had no reason to complain of so much barrenness. Oh that there were no vain thoughts and evil affections lodging within me! The Lord knows how I long for that world, where they “ rest not day nor night, sayings Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty.” On-the following Sabbath, he speaks of assistance and freedom in his public work, but as having less of the sensible presence of

- God than frequently in the week past; yet his soul was kept from sinking into discouragement. On Monday, he seemed ‘to enjoy much the same liberty and fervency, as he bad done, through the greater part. of the preceding week.* Tuesday,’ Dec. 25. Enjoyed very little quiet. sleep last night, by reason of bodily weakness, and the closeness of my studies yesterday; yet my heart was somewhat lively in ‘prayer and praise: I was delighted with the divine glory

* This day he wrote the f/th letter added at the end of this history. and happiness, and rejoiced that God was God, and that he was unchangeably: possessed of glory and _blessedness. Though be “ held my eyes waking,” yet-he helped me to improve my time profitably amidst my pains and weakness, in continued meditations on Luke xiii. 7: “ Behold, these three years I come seeking fruit, &c.”. My meditations were sweet, and I wanted to set before sinners their sin and danger.

(He continued in a very low state, as to his bodily health, for some days; which seems to have been a great hindrance to him in his religious exercises and pursuits. Yet he expresses some degree of divine assistance, from day to day through the remaining part of this week. He preached several times to his Indians, and there appeared still some concern amongst them for their souls. On Saturday he rode to the Irish settlement, about fifteen miles from his lodgings, in order to spend the sabbath there.]

Lord’s day, Dec. 30. Discoursed, both parts of the day, from Mark viii. 34. God gave me very great freedom and. clearness, and (in the afternoon especially) considerable warmth and fervency. In the evening also I was happy in conversing with friends on divine things. 1 do not remem+ ber ever to have clearer apprehensions of religion in my life; but found a struggle, in the evening, with spiritual pride.

- [On Monday, he preached again in the same place with freedom and fervency; and rode home to his lodging in the evening, under a considerable degree of bodily illness, which continued the two next days. ]

Thursday, Jan. 3. 1744-5... Being sensible of the great want of divine influences, and the outpouring .of God's Spirit, I spent this day in fasting and prayer, to seek so great a mercy for myself, and my poor people in. particular, and for the church of God in general. In the morning, was very lifeless in prayer, and:had scarcely any sense of God. Near noon, enjoyed some freedom in praying that the will of God might in every respect become mine; and | am persuaded it was so at that time in some good degree. In the’ afternoon, I was exceeding weak, and could not enjoy. much:

142 THE LIFE OF [parr v1.

fervency iu prayer; but felt s great degree of dejection, which I believe was very much owing to my bodily weakness and disorder.

Friday, Jan. 4. Rode up to the Indians, near noon; spent some time there under great disorder. My soul was sunk down into deep waters, and I was almost overwhelmed with melancholy.

Saturday, Jan. 5. Was able to do something at writing, but much disordered with pain in my head. At night, wae distressed with a sense of my spiritual pollution, and ten thousand youthful, yea, and childish follies, that nobody but myself had any thought about; all which appeared to me now fresh, and in a ‘lively view, as if committed yesterday, and made my soul ashamed before God, and caused me to lothe myself.

Lord’s day, Jan. 6. Preached to my poor Indians, but had little heart or life. Towards night I was pressed under @ sense of my unfaithfulness. Ob the joy and peace that arises from a sense of “ having obtained mercy of God to be faithful;” and oh the misery and anguish that spring from an apprehension of the contrary!

Wednesday, Jan.9. In the morning, God was pleased to remove that gloom which has of late oppressed my mind, and gave me freedom and comfort in prayer. I was encouraged and strengthened, and enabled to plead for grace for myself, and mercy for my poor Indians; and was sweetly assisted in my intercessions with God for others. Blessed be his holy name for ever and ever. Amen, and Amen. Those things that of late have appeared most difficult and almost impossible, now appeared not only possible but easy. My soul so much delighted to continue instant in prayer, at. this blessed season, that I had no desire for my necessary food. | even dreaded leaving off praying at all, lest I should Jose this spirituality, and this blessed thankfulness to God which | then felt. I was now quite willing to live, and undergo all trials that might remain for me in a world of sorrow; but still longed for heaven, that I might glorify God in a perfect manner. Oh “ come, Lord Jesus, come quickly.” Spent the day in reading a little; and in some amuse-~ ments, which I was necessitated to take by reason of much Weakness and disorder. In the evening, enjoyed some freedom aud intenseness in prayer.

{The three remaining days of the week, he was very low and feeble in body; but nevertheless continued in the same comfortable frame of mind, as is expressed on Wednesday. On the Sabbath, this sweetness in spiritual alacrity began to abate; but still he enjoyed some degree of comfort, and had assistance in preaching to the Indians.]

Monday, Jan. 14. Spent this day under a great degree of bodily weakness and disorder, and had very little freedom, either in my studies or devotions. In the evening I was much dejected and melancholy. It pains and distresses me, that 1 live so much of my time for nothing.. I long to do. much in a little time, and if it might be the Lord’s will, to finish my work speedily in this tiresome world. I am sure, I do not desire to live for any thing in this world; and through grace, I am not afraid to look the king of terrors in the face. I know I shall be afraid, if God leaves me; and therefore I think it always my duty to lay in for that solemn hour, But for a very considerable time past, my soul has rejoiced to think of death in its nearest approaches; and even when J have been very weak, and seemed nearest eternity. Not unto me, not unto me, but to God be the glory. I feel convinced, that if .God do not enable me to maintain a holy dependance upon him, death will easily be a terror to me; but at present I must say, “ I long to depart, and to be with Christ,” which is best of all. When I am in a sweet resigned frame of soul, I am willing to tarry a while in a world of sorrow, I am willing to be from home as long as God sees fit it should be so; but when I want the influence: of this temper, I am then apt to be impatient to be gone. Oh when will the day appear, that I shall be perfect in holiness, and in the enjoyment of God!

Wednesday and Thursday, Jan. 16,17. I spent most of the time in writing on a divine subject, and enjoyed some freedom and assistance. Was likewise enabled to pray more frequently and fervently than usual, and my soul rejoiced in God; especially on the evening of the last of these days. Praise then seemed cemely, and I delighted to bless the Lord. Oh what reason have I to be thankful, that God ever’ helps me to labour and study for him! He does but receive his own, when I am enabled in any measure to praise him, labour for him, and live to him. Oh how comfortable

“144 THE LIFE OF {PART VI.

it is, to feel the assistance of divine grace in the performance of the duties God: has enjoined us. “ Bless the Lord, oh

my soul.” —

(The same enlargement of heart and delight continued through the next day. But on the day following it began to decline, and continued to do so the whole of the next week: yet he enjoyed some seasons of special assistance.]

Lord’s day, Jan.27. ad the greatest degree of inward anguish that I almost ever endured. I was perfectly overwhelmed, and so confused, that after I began to discourse to the Indians, before I could finish a sentence, sometimes I forgot entirely what I was aiming at; or if with much difficulty I recollected what 1 had before designed, still it appeared strange, and like something 1 had long forgotten, or had now but an imperfect remembrance of. I know it was a degree of distraction, occasioned by melancholy, spiritual desertion, and some other things that particularly pressed upon me this morning, with an uncommon weight, the principal of which respected my Indians. This distressing gloom never went off the whole day; but was so far removed, that I was enabled to speak with some freedom and concern to the Indians, at two of their settlements; and I think there was some appearance of the presence of God with us, some seriousness and seeming concern among the Indians, at least a few of them. In the evening, this gloom continued till family-prayer,* about nine o’clock, and almost through this exercise, until I came near the close, when I was praying (as I usually do) for the illumination and conversion of my poor people; and then the cloud was state tered, so that 1 enjoyed a holy freedom, and conceived hopes, that God designed mercy for some of them. The same I enjoyed afterwards in secret prayer; in which precious duty I had for a considerable time, freedom and faith, in praying for myself, my poor Indians, and dear friends and acquaintance in New-England and elsewhere, and for the interest of Zion in general. ‘“ Bless the Lord, oh my soul, and forget not all his benefits.”

-* Though Mr. Brainerd now dwelt by himself i in the forementioned little epttage, which he had built for his own use;, yet that was near to a family of

white people with whom be had lived before, aud with whom he still attended family-prayer.

Pane vi. DAVID BRAINERD. 145

[He spent the greater part of this week in dejection and melancholy, which on Friday rose to an extreme height. This gloominess continued till Saturday evening, when he was again relieved in family-prayer; and after it, was refreshed in secret, and felt willing to live and endure hardships in the cause of God. His hopes of the advancement of Christ’s kingdom, and of seeing the power of God among the poor Indians, were considerably raised J

Tord’s day, Feb. 3. In the morning I was somewhat relieved of that gloom and confusion, which my mind has of late been greatly exercised with, and was enabled to pray with some composure and comfort. But however, I went to my Indians trembling; for my soul “ remembered the wormwood and the gall,” (1 might almost say the hell) of Friday last; and I was greatly afraid I should be obliged to drink of that “ cup of trembling,” which was inconceivably more bitter than death, and made me long for the grave more, unspeakably more, than for hid treasures, yea, inconceivably more than the men of this world long for such treasures. But God was pleased to hear my cries, and to, afford me great assistance; so that I felt peace in my own soul, and was satisfied, that if not one of the Indians’ should be profited by my preaching, but should all be lost, yet I should be accepted and rewarded as faithful; for | am per+ suaded the Lord enabled me to be so.—Had some good degree of help afterwards, at another place; and much longed for the conversion of the poor Indians. Was somewhat refreshed and comforted towards night; oh that my soul might praise the Lord for his goodness! —

[In the three next days, he was the subject of much dejection: but the three remaining days of the week seem to have been spent with much composure and comfort. On the following sabbath he preached at Greenwich in New- Jersey, In the evening he rode eight miles to visit a sick man at the point of death, and found him speechless and senseless. ]

Monday, Feb. 11. About break of day, the sick man died. 1 was affected at the sight: spent the morning with the mourners: and after prayer and some discourse with

146 ‘THE LIFE OF | [PART VI.

them, I returned to Greenwich, and preached again from Psal. Ixxxix. 15, and the Lord gave me assistance. I felts love to souls, and to the kingdom of Christ; and longed that poor sinners might know the joyful sound. Several persons were much affected. After meeting I was enabled to discourse, with freedom and concern, to some persons who applied to me under spiritual trouble. Left the place, much composed, and rode home to my house about eight miles distant. Discoursed to friends, and inculcated divine truths upon some. In the evening, was in the most solemn frame that I almost ever remember to have experienced. I know not that death ever appeared more real to me, or that ever I saw myself in the condition of a dead corpse, laid ent, and dressed for a lodging in the silent grave, so evidently as at this time. Yet 1 felt exceeding comfortable; my mind was composed and calm, and death appeared without a sting. I think, I never felt such a universal mortification to all created objects as now. Oh how great and solemn a thing it appeared to die! Oh how it lays the greatest honour in the dust; and how vain and trifling did the riches, honours and pleasures of the world appear! | could not, I dare not so much as think of any of them; for death, death, solemn (though not frightful) death appeared at the door. 1 could see myself dead and laid out, and inclosed in my coffin, and put down into the cold grave, with the greatest solemnity, but without terror. I spent most of the evening in conversing with a dear Christian friend; and blessed be God, it was a comfortable evening to us both. What are friends—what are comforts—what are sorrows—what are distresses? “ The time is short: it remains that they which weep, be as though they wept not; and they which rejoice, as though they rejoiced not: for the fashion of this world passeth away. Oh come, Lord Jesus, come quickly. Amen.” Blessed be God for the comforts of the past day.

Tuesday, Feb. 12. Was exceeding weak; but in a resigned composed frame, most of the day: felt my heart freely go forth after God in prayer.

Wednesday, Feb. 13. Was much exercised with lowness, but still enabled to maintain a degree of apirituality.

Thursday, Feb. 14. Spent the day in writing on a divine subject; enjoyed health, and freedom in my work. Had a solemn sense of death, as I have had indeed‘every.day this week, in some measure: what I felt.on Monday last has been abiding. 7

Friday, Feb. 15. Was engaged in writing again almost the ‘whole day. In the evening, was much assisted in meditating on that precious text, John vii. 57. “ Jesus stood and cried, Sc.” I had then a sweet sense of the free grace of the gospel: my soul was encouraged, warmed and quickened, and my desires drawn out after God in prayer. My soul was watebful, and afraid of losing so delightful ‘« guest as I then entertained. I continued long in prayer and meditation; intermixing one with the other; and was unwil ling to be diverted by any thing from so sweet an exercise. I longed to proclaim the grace I then meditated upon, to the world of sinners. Oh bow quick and powerful is the word of the blessed God.

Terd’s day, Feb. 17. My Interpreter being absent, I preached to the white people in the wilderness, upon the sunny side of a hill. Had a considerable assembly, consisting of many that lived not less than thirty miles asunder, I discoursed to them all day, from John vii. 37. “ Jesus stood and cried, saying, if any man thirst, Sc.” Ino the afters noon, it.pleased-God to grant me great freedom and fervency in my discourse; and I was enabled to imitate the example of Christ in the text, who stood aud cried. I think, I was - scarcely ever enabled to offer the: free grace of God to perishing sinners with more freedom and plainness in my. life,. Afterwards I earnestly invited the children of God to come renewedly, and drink of this fountain of living water, from whence they have heretofore derived unspeakable satisfaction. It was a very comfortable time to me: there were many tears in the assembly, and I doubt not but that the Spirit of God was there, convincing poor sinners of their need of Christ. In the evening I fels composed and come - fortable, though much tired. I had a perception of the excellency and glory of God; and my soul rejoiced that he was “ God over all, blessed for ever.” But | was too much crouded with company and conversation, and longed to be more alone with God. Oh that 1 could for ever bless God for the mercy of this day,, who “ answered me in the joy of my heart. ”

[The. rest of. this week seems to haye been spent: under a

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decay of this life and joy, and in distressing conflicts with corruption; but not without some seasons of refreshment and comfort J

Lord’s day, Feb. 24. In the morning, was: much perplexed: my Interpreter being absent, I knew not how to perform my work among the Indians. However, I rode to ‘them, and got a Dutchman to interpret for me, though he was but poorly qualified for the business. Afterwards I came and preached to a few white people, from John vi. 67.. Here the Lord seemed to unburden me in some measure, especially towards the close of my discourse. I felt freedom to open the love of Christ to his own disciples: when the rest of the world forsake him, and are forsaken by him, so that he calls them no more, he then turns to his own, and says, “ Will ye aso go away?” I had a sense of the free grace of Christ to

is own people, in such seasons of general apostacy, and when they themselves in some measure backslide with the world. Oh the mercy of Christ, in reminding his people of their danger of backsliding, and inviting them to persevere in their adherence to himself: I saw that backsliding souls, who seemed disposed to go away with the world, might return, and welcome, to him immediately; without any thing to recommend them, notwithstanding all their former backslidings. And thus my discourse was suited to the case of my own soul, for of late I have found a great want of this sense and apprehension of divine grace; and have often been greatly distressed, because I did not suitably apprehend this fountain opened to purge away sin; and so have been too much labouring for spiritual life, peace of conscience, and progressive holiness, in my own strength. But now God shewed me, in some measure, the arm of all strength, and the fountain of all grace.—In the evening | felt solemn and

devout, resting on free grace for assistance, acceptance, and peace of conscience.

: [Within the space of the next nine days, he had fréquent refreshing, invigorating influences of God’s Spirit; attended with complaint of dalness, and with longings after ‘Spiritual life and holy fervency.]

» Wednesday, March 6. Engaged most of the day in-preparing fora journey te New-England. Spent some time in prayer, with special reference to my intended journey. Was afraid I should forsake the “ fountain of living waters,” and attempt to derive satisfaction from, “ broken cisterns,” my - dear friends and-acquaintance, whom I might meet with in my journey. I looked to God to keep the from this vanity, as well-as‘all others. In the evening I was visited by friends, some of whom, | trust, were real Christians, They discovered an affectionate regard to me, and seemed grieved that I was about to leave them; especially seeing I did not expect to make any considerable stay among them, if I should live to return from New-England.* Oh how kind has God been to me; how has he raised up friends in every place where his providence has called me! Friends are a great comfort, and it is God that gives them; it is he makes them what they are. “ Bless the Lord, oh my soul, and for. get not all his benefits.”

[The next day he set out on his journey, and it was about five weeks before he returned. The special design of this journey, he himself declares afterwards, in his diary for March 21, where, speaking of his conversing with a certain | minister in New-England, he says thus, “ I contrived with him how to raisessome money among Christian friends, in order to support a colleague with mein the wilderness, (I having now spent two years in a very solitary manner,) that we might be together; as Christ sent out his disciples two and two. And as this was the principal concern [| had in view, in taking this journey, so | took pains in it, and hope God wili succeed it, if for his glory.” He first went into various parts of New-Jersey, and visited several ministers there. He then went to New-York; from thence into New- England, going to various parts of Connecticut, and then returned into New-Jersey. He met a number of ministers at Woodbridge, “ who,” he says, “ met there to consult about the affairs of Christ’s kingdom, in some important articles.” He seems, for the most part, to have been free from" melancholy in this journey; and many times to have had extraordinary assistance in public ministrations. His preaching also was attended with very hopeful appearances amongst

* It seems he had a design, by what afterwartts appears, to remove and live among the Indians at Suasqnabennah river.

L 3 130 - THE LIFE OF - (PART vi.

the auditory. He also had many seasons of special comfort and spiritual refreshment, in conversation with ministers and other Christian friends, and in mediation and. private prayer. J

Saturday, April 13. Rode home to my own house at the Farks of Delaware: was enabled to remember the goodness © of the Lord, who pr¢served me while riding full six hundred miles in this journey, so that none of my bones were broken. Blessed be the Lord, who has preserved and returned me in safety to my own house. Verily it is he that has upheld me, and guarded my goings.

_ Lord’s day, April 14. Was disordered in n body with the

fatigues of my late journey; but enabled to preach with some

freedom, to a considerable assembly of white people, gathered from all parts round about. I spoke from Ezek. xxxiii.

11. “ As I live, saith the Lord God,” §c. Had much mare assistance than I expected.

[This week he went a journey to Philadelphia, i in order to engage the Governor there to use his interest with the chief man of the Six Nations, (with whom he maintained a strict friendship,) that he would permit him to live at Susque- - hannah, and instruct the Indians within their territories.* In his way to and from thence, he lodged with Mr. Beaty, a young Presbyterian minister. He speaks of seasons of spiritual refreshment which he enjoyed at bis lodgings.]

Saturday, Apwil20. Rode with Mr. Beaty to Abington, to attend Mr. Treat’s administration of the sacrament, according to the method of the church of Scotland. When we arrived, we found Mr. Treat preaching: afterwards I preached a sermon from Matth. v. 3. “ Blessed are the poor in spirit,” §c. God was pleased to give me great freedom and tenderness, both in prayer and sermon: the assembly was melted, and scores were all in tears. It was, as | then hoped and afterwards found, a “ word spoken in season to many weary souls.” I was extremely tired, and my spirits _ were much exhausted, so that I could scarely speak loud;

yet I could not help rejoicing in God.

*- The Indians at Susquahannah are a mixed company of many nations, speaking various languages, and few of them properly of the Six Naflons. But

the country having formerly been conquered by the Six Nationg they claim the land; and the Susquahannah Indians are a kind of vassals to them, Lord’s day, April 21. In the morning, calm and composed, with some outgoings of soul after God in secret duties, and longing desires for his presence in the sanctuary aod at his table; that his presence might be in the assembly, and that his children might be entertained with “a feast of fat things.”—In the forenoon, Mr. Treat preached. 1 felt some affection and tenderness during the administration of the ordinance. Mr. Beaty preached to the multitude abroad, who could not half have crouded into the meeting-house. Ia the season of the communion, I had comfortable apprehensions of the blissful communion of God’s people, when they shall meet at their Father's table in his kingdom, in a state of perfection.—In the afternoon I preached abroad to the whole assembly, from Rev. xiv. 4. ‘“ These are they that follow the Lamb,” &c. God was pleased again to give me great freedom and clearness, but not so muth

- warmth as before. However, there was a most amazing at-

tention in the whole assembly; and as I was informed afterwards, this was a good season to many.

Monday, April 22. I enjoyed some sweetness in retire-

ment, in the morning. ‘At eleven o’clock, Mr. Beaty preached with freedom and life. Then I preached from Job vii. 37, and concluded the solemnity. Had some freedom, but not equal to what I had enjoyed before; yet in prayer, ‘the Lord enabled me to cry with a childlike temper, with tenderness and brokenness of heart.—Came home with Mr. Beaty to his lodgings; and spent the time, while riding together and afterwards, very agreeably on divine things.

' Tuesday, April 23. Left Mr. Beaty’s, and returned home to the Forks of Delaware; had some pleasant meditations on the road, and was enabled to lift up’ my heart to God’ ia prayer and praise.

Friday, April 26. Conversed with a Christian friend with some warmth; and felt a spirit of mortification to the world, ina very great degree. Afterwards, was enabled to pray fervently, and to rely on God for “all things pertaining to life | and godliness.” In the evening, was visited by a dear Christian friend, with whom I'spent an hour or two in conversa~ tion, on the very soul of religion. There are many with whom I can talk about religion; bat alas, I find few ‘with whom I can talk religion itself. Blessed be the Lord, there are-some: ‘that love to feed on the kernel, rather than the shell.

L4 - [The next day he went to the Irish settlement, often before mentioned, about fifteen miles distant; where he spent the Sabbath, and preached with some considerable assistance. On Monday he returned in a very weak state to his own lodgings.}

Tuesday, April $0. Was-scarcely able to walk about, and. was obliged to betake myself to the bed, much of the day. I spent the time ina very solitary manner, being neither able so read, meditate, nor pray, and had none to converse with in that wilderness. Oh how heavily does time pass away, when I can do nothing to any good purpose; but seem obliged to trifle away precious time! But of late I have seen itmy duty.to divert myself by all lawful means,. that I may be Git, at least some small part of my time, to labour for God. And here is the difference between my present diversions, snd those I once pursued, when ina natural state. I then delighted in them to the neglect of God, and drew my highest satisfaction from them: now [ use them as means to help me in living to God; fixedly delighting in him, and not in them, drawing my highest satisfaction from him. Then they were my all; now they are only means leading to my all. And those things that are the greatest diversion, when pursued with this view, do not tend to hinder, but promote my spi-

‘yituality; and I see now, more than ever, that they are abso, lutely necessary.

Wednesday, May 1. Was not able to sit up more than half the day; and yet had such recruits of strength sometimes, that 1 was able to write a little on a divine subject. Was grieved that I could no more Jive to God. In the evening, had some nearness and jntenseness in secret prayer.

Thursday, May 2. In the evening, being a little better ia ‘health, I walked into the woods, and enjoyed a season of meditation and prayer. My thoughts run upon Psal. xvii. 15. “I shall be satisfied, when I awake with thy likeness.” 1t was indeed a precious text to me, and 1 longed to preach to the whole world; my thoughts were exceeding clear, and my soul was refreshed. Blessed be the Lord, that in my ‘Jate and present weakness, now for many days together, my mind is not gloomy, as at some other times.

‘ Friday, May 3. Felt alittle vigour of body and mind, in the morning; had some freedom and fervency in prayer.

Visited.and spent some time with my Indians. In the evening, again retiring into the. woods, F enjoyed some sweet meditations on Isaiah liii. 1. “Yet it pleased. the Lord to bruise bim,” &c.

{The three next days were spent in much weakness of body: yet he enjoyed some assistance in public and private duties; and seems to have remained free from melancholy.]

Tuesday, May 7. Spent: the day chiefly in making pre-. paration for a journey into the wilderness. Was still weak, and concerned how I should perform so difficult a journey. Engaged in prayer for the divine blessing, direction, and protection in my intended journey; but wanted bodily strength to spend the day in fasting and supplication.

(The next day he set out on his journey to Susquahannah, with his Interpreter. He endured great hardships and fa-. tigues in his way thither through a hideous wilderness; where after having lodged one night in the open woods, he was overtaken with a north-easterly storm, in which he was almost ready to perish. Having no manner of shelter, and not being able to make a fire in so great a rain, he could have no comfort if he stopped; therefore determined to go forward in hopes of meeting with some shelter, without which he thought it impossible he should live the night through. But their horses happening to have eat poison (for want of other food) at a.place where they lodged the night before, were so sick that they could neither ride nor lead them, but were obliged to drive them before them, and travel on foot; antii through the mercy of God (just at dusk) they came to abarkhut, where they lodged that night. After he came to Susquahannah, he travelled about a hundred miles on the river, and visited many towns and settlements of the Indians; saw some of seven or eight distinct tribes, and preached to different nations, by different interpreters. He was sometimes much discouraged, and sunk in his spirits, through the opposition. that appeared in the Indians to Christianity. At other times, he was encouraged by the disposition that some

- ef these people manifested to hear, and.willingness to be in--

structed. He here met with some who had formerly been his: - hearers at Kaunaumeek, and bad removed hither; who saw

134. THE LIFE OF (PART VI.

and heard him again with great joy. He spent a fortnight among the Indians on this river; and passed through considerable labours and hardships, frequently lodging on the ground, and sometimes in the open air; till at length he fell extremely ill, as he was riding in the wilderness, being seized with an ague, followed with a burning fever, and extreme pains in his head and bowels, attended with a great evacua« tion of blood; so that he thought he must have perished in the wilderness. But at last coming to an Indian trader’s hut, he got leave to stay there; and though without physic or food proper for him, it pleased God, after about a week’s distress, to relieve him so far that be was able to ride. He returned homewards from Juncauta, an island far down the river ;.where was a considerable number of Indians, who ape peared more free from prejudices against Christianity, than most of the other Indians. He arrived at the Forks of Delaware on Thursday, May 30, after having rode in this journey about three hundred and forty miles.* He came home ina very weak state, and under dejection of mind; which was a great hindrance to him in religious exercises. However, on the Sabbath, after having preached to the Indians, he preached to the white people with some success, from Is. liii. 10. “Yet it pleased the Lord to bruise-him,” ce. Some were awakened by his preaching. The next day, he was much ¢ exercised for want of spiritual life and fervency.]

. Tuesday, June 4. Towards evening, was in distress for. want of the divine presence, and a sense of spiritual things.. Withdrew to the woods, and spent near an hour in prayer and meditation; and the Lord had compassion on me. The season was indeed refreshing; my soul enjoyed intenseness and freedom in prayer, so that it grieved me to leave the. place.

_ Wednesday, June 5. Felt thirsting desires after God, in the morning. In the evening, enjoyed a precious season of retirement: was favoured with some delightful meditations upon a sacred text. Divine things opened with clearness and certainty, and had a divine stamp upon them: my soul was also enlarged and refreshed in prayer, and | delighted to continue in the duty. I was assisted in praying for fellow-

* This is the journey which he occasionally mentions in his printed Journal.

FART VILJ DAVID BRAINERD. 135

Christians, amd my dear brethren in the misstty. Blessed be the Lord for sach enjoyments. Qh how sweet and precious it is, to have a clear.apprebensian and tender sense of the mystery of. godliness, of true haliness, and likeness to the _ best of Beings! Wat a blessedmess, to be as mach like God, as it is passible for a creature to be like his great Creator! Lord, give me more of thy likeness; “I shall be satis» fied. when I awake with it.”

. Thursday, June 6. Was engaged, a considerable part of the day, i in meditation and study on divine subjects. Enjoyed some special freedom and sweetness in meditation.. How refreshing it is, to be enabled to improve time well!...

.[The next day he went a journey of near fifty. miles to Neshaminy, to assist at a sacramental occasion, to be attend. ed to.at Mr. Beaty’s meeting-house; being invited thither rby him and his people.];

Saturday, June 8. .Was exceeding weak and fatigued with tiding in the heat yesterday: but being desired, I preached in the afternoon, to. a crouded audience, from Is: xl. 1. “‘Com- “fort. ye, comfort ye my people, saith your God.” The Lord was pleased to give me great freedom, in opening the sorrows of his people, and in setting before them comforting considerations. And, blessed be his name, it was a sweet melting season in the assembly.

Lord’s day, June 9. Felt some longing desires for the Presence of God to be with his people on the solemn occasion of the day. In the forenoon, Mr. Beaty preached; and there appeared some warmth in the assembly. Afterwards, lassisted in the administration of the Lord’s supper: and towards the close of it, I discoursed to the multitude extem... pore, with somie reference.to that sacred passage, Is. liii. 10. “Yet it pleased the Lord to bruise him.” Here I had great assistance in addressing sinners, and the word was attended with amazing power; many scores, if ngt hundreds, in that great assembly, consisting of three or four thousand, were much affected; so that there was a “ very great mourning, like the mourning of Hadadrimmon.”—In the evening I could hardly look anybody in the face, because of the imperfections [ saw in my performances the day past.

Ly 456. THE LIFE OF (PART VIs

Monday, June 10. Preached with a good degree of clear-

ness and warmth, from Psal. xvii. 15. ‘I shall be satisfied when I awake with thy likeness.” And blessed be God, there was a great solemnity and attention in the assembly, and some refreshment among God’s people. - Tuesday, June 11. Spent the day chiefly in conversation with Christian friends, and. enjoyed some sweet sense of divine things. Oh bow desirable it is, to keep company with God’s dear children! These are the “ excellent of the earth, in whom,” I can truly say, “is all my delight.” Oh what delight will .it afford, to meet them all in a state of Perfection! Lord, prepare me for it.

[The n next day he left Mr. Beaty’s, and went to Maidenhead in New-Jersey; and spent the next seven days in a comfortable state of mind, visiting several ministers in those parts.]

Tuesday, June 18. Set out from New-Brunswick with a design to visit some Indians at a place called Crosweeksung jn New-Jersey, towards the sea.* In the afternoon, camé ta a place called Cranberry, and meeting with a serious minister, Mr. Macknight, I lodged there with him. Had some enlargement and freedom in prayer with a number of people.

* Mr, Brainerd having, when at Boston, wrote and left with a friend a brief Relation of facts concerning his labours with the Indians, and reception among them, during the space of time between November 5, 1744, and June 19, 1745, (with a view to connect his Narrative, at the end of Mr. Pemberton’s ordivation-sermon, and his Journal, in case they should ever be reprinted,} concludes the same with this passage: “As my body was very feeble, so my mind was scarce ever so much damped and discouraged about the conversion of the Indians, as at this time. And in this state ofbody and mind I made my first visit to the Indians in New-Jersey, where God was pleased to display his power and grace in the remarkable manner that I have represented in my” printed Journal,”

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