CHAPTER FOUR
CHAPTER FOUR
The first degree of Truth—self-scrutiny—reveals to us our own evil case.
BUT let us resume the thread of our argument. If then He in whose nature there was no sadness, made Himself sad in order that He might have personal experience of something of the existence of which He was already aware, how much more is it your duty, I will not say to alter, but to recognize your condition, which is indeed a pitiable one—and thus to learn compassion of which you could otherwise have no knowledge? For it may well happen that by dwelling on the shortcomings of your neighbour without sufficient attention to your own, you may be moved not to pity but to anger—not to assist but to condemn, and so to destroy in a spirit of wrath, rather than to restore in a spirit of meekness. Ye who are spiritual, saith the Apostle, instruct such an one in the spirit of meekness. The counsel—aye, the command—of the Apostle is that you should aid your ailing brother in the same kindly spirit in which you would wish to be helped when you are ailing. And to show how it is possible to be forbearing towards a wrong-doer, he says, considering thyself lest thou also be tempted. And please to note how well the disciple of Truth follows the sequence of the Master. In the Beatitudes, to which I have already referred, the “merciful” are named before the “pure in heart,” as are the “meek” before the “merciful.” And the Apostle when he exhorted those who were spiritual to restore such as were carnal, added in the spirit of meekness. For the reformation of the brethren is the mark of the merciful, and a spirit of meekness that of the humble. He says in effect that no one who is not himself meek can be reckoned among the merciful. Note that the Apostle here clearly asserts exactly what I said just now that I would establish, viz., that truth must be sought in ourselves before we can look for it in others, for he says consider thyself—by which he means, think how easily you may be tempted—how liable you are to sin—so that by self-scrutiny you may be made humble and may thus come to the aid of others in a spirit of meekness. If, however, you heed not the warning of the Apostle, tremble before the rebuke of the Master. Thou hypocrite, cast out first the beam out of thine own eye and thus shalt thou see to cast out the mote out of thy brother’s eye. (Matt. 7:5). Pride in the mind is like a thick heavy beam in the eye, whose excessive size is due not to health but to vanity, to swelling rather than to strength. It so darkens the mental vision as to hide the truth. If then it has taken hold of your mind, you will be unable to see yourself as you really are, or to appreciate either your actual or possible condition, but you will fancy that you are or will become just what you would like to be. For what is pride if not—as a certain holy man defines it “appreciation of one’s own goodness.” If this be so, we may say, on the other hand, that humility is the disparagement of our own goodness. For love and hatred alike ignore the verdict of truth. Would you like to hear what that verdict is? As I hear so I judge (John 5:30), not as “I hate” or “I love” nor as “I fear.” There is the judgment of hate, such as that which said We have a law and according to our law he ought to die. (John 19:7). And there is the judgment of fear like that one If we let him alone so the Romans will come and take away our place and nation. (John 11:48). But there is a judgment of love, as that of David on the son who would have slain his father, Spare the boy Absalom. And I know that it is a rule of human law, which is binding alike in ecclesiastical and in civil actions, that personal friends of the litigants shall not be allowed to take part in the proceedings lest through their affection for their friends they may be misled or may mislead others. And if affection for a friend leads you to extenuate or even to conceal his guilt, how much more will self-esteem preclude an unfavourable verdict upon yourself? So the man who is really anxious to discover the truth about himself must remove the beam of pride which prevents him from seeing the light, and must propose in his heart to ascend by steps by which he may scrutinize his inmost self, and from the twelfth degree of humility may pass on to the first degree of truth. But when a man has found truth in himself—or rather has found himself in truth—so that he can say, I have believed and therefore have I spoken, but I have been humbled exceedingly, he may rise to a high spiritual level in order that truth may be held up, and may say in his ecstasy, Every man is a liar. Do you not suppose that this was the trend of David’s thought? Do not you think that the prophet felt as did the Lord, as did the Apostles, and as we do who come after them and share their feelings? I believed, says this man, in Truth who says, He that followeth me walketh not in darkness. (John 8:12). I therefore showed my faith by following, and expressed it by confessing. And by confessing what? The truth—which I discovered through faith. But afterwards I believed unto righteousness and made confession unto salvation. I was humbled exceedingly (Ps. 116:10; 115:10, Vulg.), that is entirely. He appears to mean by this—since I was not ashamed of the fact that the truth which I discerned in myself bore witness against me, I carried humility to its utmost extent. For this word “exceedingly” may mean “completely,” as in the passage, He shall delight exceedingly in his commandments. (Ps. 112:1; 111:1, Vulg.). But someone may urge that “exceedingly” is here used for “in a high degree,” not for “completely” and that the commentators seem to uphold this interpretation. Even if this be so, there is nothing inconsistent with the meaning of the Prophet, which we may take as being to this effect:
While I was still unaware of the truth, I did indeed suppose myself to be something—whereas I was nothing. But when I afterwards believed in Christ and therefore tried to imitate His humility, I recognized the truth. It was indeed uplifted in me by my confession, but I was exceedingly humbled, that is, was greatly depreciated in my own estimation as a result of my self-scrutiny.