His Return to Susquahannah, and Last Illness (part 3 of 3)
186; THE LIFE. OF [PART VII.
_ thyself divorced from any part in this world; so that in those affairs that seemed of the greatest importance respecting the present life, and those wherein the tender powers of the mind are most sensibly touched, I could only say, “ The will of the Lord be done.” What I felt the evening before, I felt now; and found the same freedom in prayer for the people of my charge, for the propagation of the gospel among the indians, for the enlargement and spiritual welfare of Zion in general, and for my dear friends in particular. I longed to burn out in one continued flame for God. Retained’ mach of the same frame through the day. In the evening, was visited by my brother John Brainerd: the first visit I have ever received from apy near relative, since I have beer ® missionary. Felt the same frame of spirit in the evening asin the morning, and found that “ it was good for nre‘to draw near to God,” and leave all my concerns and burdens with him. Was enlarged.and refreshed in pouring out my
' soul for the propagation of the gospel of the Redeemer,
among the distant tribes of Indians. Blessed be God. If ever I filled up a day with studies and devotien, I was enabled so to fill up this day.
Saturday, May 24. Enjoyed this day something of the same frame of mind as I felt the day before. -
[The former part of this week he was in a very weak state, but seems to have been free from melancholy, which often had attended the failing of his bodily strength. He from time to time speaks of comfort and inward refreshment this week.]
Monday, June 2. In the evening, ‘enjoyed sc some freedom in secret prayer and meditation. ‘Tuesday, June 3. My soul rejoiced, early j in the morning, to think that all things were at God’s disposal. It delighted me to leave them there. Felt afterwards much as | did on Thursday evening, May 22; and continued in this frame for ‘several hours. Walked out into the wilderness, and enjoyed freedom, fervency and comfort, in prayer; and again enjoyed the same in the evening.
Wednesday, June 4. Spent the day in writing, and had some satisfaction and freedom in my work. In the eveni I was favoured with a sweet refreshing frame of soul'in secret
be prayer and meditation. Prayer was now wholly turned into praise, and I could do little else but try to adore and bless the living God. The wonders of his grace displayed in gathering to himself a church among the poor Indians here, were the subject matter of my meditation, and the occasion of exciting me to praise and bless his holy name. My soul was scarcely ever more disposed to inquire, ‘ What I should render to God for all his benefits,’ than at this time. I was brought into a strait, a sweet and happy strait, to know what to do. I longed to make some returns to God, bat found I had nothing to return. I could only rejoice that God had done the work himself, and that none in heaven or earth might pretend to share the honour with him. I could ‘only be glad, that God’s ‘declarative glory was advanced by the conversion of these souls, and that it was to the enlargetment of his kingdom inthe world; but saw I was so poor that I had -nothing to offer to him. My soul and body, through grace, I could cheerfully surrender; but this ap- :peared to be rather a cumber than a gift, and nothing could I do to glorify his dear and blessed hame. Yet 1 was glad at heart, that he was unchangeably pgssessed of glory and bBlessedness. ,Oh that he might be adored and praised by all his intelligent creatures, to the utmost of their power and capacities. My soul would have fejoiced to see others praise him, though I could do nothing towards it myself. Saturday, June 7. Rode to Freehold to assist Mr. Ten.° ‘nent in the administration of the Lord’s supper. Ia the afternoon, preached from Psal. Ixxiii. 28. God gave me some freedom and warmth in my discourse; and I trust, his " presence was in the assembly. Was comfortably composed, and enjoyed a thankful frame of spirit; but was grieved that I cout not render something to God for his benefits bestowed. Oh that I could be swallowed up in his praise. Lord's day, June 8. Spent much time, in the morning, in secret duties: but between hope and fear, respecting the enjoyment of God in the business of the day then before us. Was agteeably entertained, in the forenoon, by a discourse from Mr. Tennent, and felt somewhat melted and refreshed. In the season of communion, enjoyed some comfort; and especially i in serving one of the tables. Blessed be the Lord, it.was a time of refreshing to me, and I trust to many others. A number of my dear people sat down by themselves at the 188 ‘THE LIFE OF [PART vit.
last table: at which time God seemed to be in the midst of them. The thoughts of what God had done among them were refreshing and melting to me. In the afternoon, the Lord enabled me to preach with uncommon freedom, from 2 Cor. v.20. Through great goodness, I was favoured with * a constant flow of pertinent matter, and proper expressions, from’ the beginning to the end of my discourse. In the evening I could not but rejoice in God, and bless him for the manifestations of grace in the day past. It was a sweet and solemn day and evening; a season of comfort to the godly, and of awakening to some souls. Ob that 1 could praise the Lord!
Monday, June: Enjoyed some sweetness in secret duties. —Preached the concluding sermon from Gen. 9. 24. “ And Enoch walked with God.” God gave me enlargement and fervéncy in my discourse, so that I.was enabled to speak with plainness and power, and his presence seemed to be in the assembly. Praised be the Lord, it was a most desirable opportunity. I found my strength renewed, and lengthened out, even to a wonder; so that'I felt much stronger at the con¢lusion, than in the beginning of this sacramental solemnity. I have great reason to bless God for this season, in which I have found assistance in addressing others, and sweetness in my own soul..
{On Tuesday he found himself spent, and his'spirits exhausted by his late labours; and on Wednesday, complains. of dejection of spirit, and enjoying but little comfort or spirituality: ]
Thursday, June 12. In the evening; had freedom and fiearness in secret prayer. It was a desirable season; my soul was enlarged for my own dear people, for the coming of Christ’s kingdom, and especially for the propagation of the gospel among the Indians, back in the wilderness. Was refreshed in prayer for dear friends in“New-England and elsewhere; and truly I could say with all my heart, “ It is good for me to draw near to God.”
Friday, June 13. I came away from the meeting of the Indians, rejoicing and blessing God for his grace manifested at this season.;
Saturday, June 14. Rode to Kingston, to assist the Rev. Mr. Wales in the administration of the Lord’s supper. In the afternoon, preached, ‘but almost fainted-in the pulpit; ° yet God strengthened me when I was 3 just gone, a arthegabled
_ the to speak his gvord with freedom, ‘fervency, and applica-
tion to the conscience. Pfaised be the Lord; “out of weakness I was made strong.” I enjoyed some sweetoess, in and after public worship, but was extremely tired. How many are the Lord’s mercies: “ To them that have no might, he increaseth strength.” % Lord’s day, June 15. Was in a dejected spiritless frame; could not hold up my head, nor look any body in the face. Administered the Lord’s supper at Mr. Wales’s desire, and found myself in a good measure unburdened and relieved of my pressing load, when 1 came to ask a blessing on the elements; here God gave me enlargement, and a tender af- ‘fectionate sense of spiritual things; so that it was a season of comfort in some measure to me, and I'trust more so to others. In the afternoon, preached to a vast multitude, from Rev. xxii. 17. God helped me to offer a testimony for himself, and to leave sinners inexcuseable in neglecting his grace. I was eftabled to speak with such freedom, fluency and clearness, as commanded the attention of the great. Was extremely tired in the evening, but happily composed. Monday, June 16. Preached again, and God helped me
' ‘amazingly, so that this was a refreshing season to myself and
others. Blessed be God for help afforded at this time, when my body was so weak, an& while there was so large an assembly to hear. Spent the afternoon in a comfortable agree-
. able manner..
te. Hopewell.
" [On Wednesday, he went to a meeting of ministers at
Thursday, June 19, See his public Journal.* On Friday he was very much indisposed, but preached to his people on Saturday. His illness continued on the Sabbath, bat he preached notwithstanding, both parts of the day. After public worship, he endeavoured to apply divine truths to the consciences of some, and addressed them personally; several were in tears, and some appeared much affected. He was extremely wearied with the services of the day, and so ill at
' * The public Journal that has been so often referred to, eonclades with the account of this day.
190 7 THE, LIFE OF [PART VII-
“ight that he could have no bodily rest; but remarks, that
“.God was his support, and he was not left destitute of com~
fort i ip hit’ On Monday, he continued very ill; but speaks
oe of- being calm and composed, resigned to the divine dispen-
_ Sations, and content with his feeble state. And by the ac-
*.* count he gives of himself, the remaining part of this week,
he dntinued very feeble, «and for the most part dejected in
mind, excepting that at intervals he bad refreshment and en-
eouragement, which engaged his heart on divine things; and sometimes he was melted with spiritual affection.]
te
Lord’s day, June 29. Preached, both parts of the day, from John xiv. 19. “ Yet o little while, and the world seeth me no more,” &c. God was pleased to afford me both freedom and power, especially towards the close of my discourses, both forenoon and afternoon. God’s power appeared in the assembly, in botlr exercises, Numbers of God’s people were refreshed and melted with divine things, and one or two comforted, who had long been under distress. Convictions - in divers instances were powerfully revived; and one man in years much awakened, who had not long frequented our meeting, and appeared before as stupid as a stock. God amazingly renewed and lengthened out my strength. I was so spent at noon that 1 could scarcely walk, and all my joints trembled; so that I could not sit, nor so much as hold my hand still. Yet the Lord strengthened me to preach with power in the afternoon, although I had given out word to my people, that I did not expect to be able to do it. Spent some time afterwards in conversing, particularly, with several persons, about their spiritual state; and had some satisfaction concerning one or two. Prayed afterwards with a sick child, and gave a word of exhortation. Was assisted in all my ° work: blessed be God. Returned home with more health than [ went owt with, although my linen was wringing wet upon me, from a little after ten in the morning till past five in the afternoon. My spirits also were considerably refreshed, and my soul rejoiced in hope, that I had through grace done something for God. In the evening, walked out, and enjoyed a good season in secret prayer and praise. But ob, I found the truth of the Psalmist’s words: “ My goodness °. extendeth not to thee.” I could not make any returns to God; I longed to live only to him, and to be in tune for his
“PART VI] DAVID BRAINERD. | 191
praise and service for ever. Oh for spirituality and boly fervency, that I might spend and be spent for God to my latest moment!
Monday, June 30. Employed the day it in "writing, but under much weakness and disorder. Felt the labours.of the preceding day, although my spirits were so refreshed. the °. evening before, that I was not then sensible of my being spent. ‘,; Tuesday, July 1. in thé afternoon, visited, and preached to my people, from Heb. ix. 27, on occasion of some persons lying at the point of death, in my congregation. God afforded me assistance, and his word made some impressions on-the audience in general. This was a comfortable evening; my spirits were refreshed with a smal} degree of freedom and help enjoyed in my. work.
[On Wednesday he went to Newark, to a meeting of the Presbytery; complains of lowness of spirits, and greatly laments his spending his time so unfruitfully. The remaining part of the week he spent there, and at Elisabeth-'own; and speaks of comfort and divine assistance, from day to day; yet greatly complains for want of mote spirituality.]
Lord’s day, July 6. At Elisabeth-Town. Enjoyed some composure and serenity of mind in the morning; heard Mr. Dickinson preach in the forenoon, and was refreshed and melted with his discourse. .Partook of the Lord’s supper, and enjoyed some sense of divine things in that ordinaace. in the afternoon, I preached from Ezek. xxwiii. 11. “ Ag I live, saith the Lord God,” 4c. 1 was favoured with freee dom and -fervency, and the Lord helped me fo ‘plead his cause beyond my own,power..;
Monday, July 7. My spirits were considerably nefreshed and raised in the morning. There is no comfort, | find, in anything, without enjoying God and being engaged in his service. In the evening, had the most agreeable conversation that I ever remember upon God’s being alt in all, and al enjoyments being just-that to us which God makes them, and no more. It is good to begin and end with God. Qh how does a sweet solemnity lay the foundation for true Plesrure ‘and happiness, Tuesday, July 8. Rode home, and enjoyed some agreeable meditations by the way.
Wednesday, July 9. Spent ‘the day in writing, enjoyed some comfort.and refreshment in my evening retirement.
Thursday, July 10. Employed most of the day in writing. Towards night, rode to Mr. Tennent’s, and had some agrees
.able conversation. Went home in the evening, in a solemn’
frame of mind; was refreshed fm secret duties, longed to live wholly and only for God, and saw“ plainly, there was nothing ‘in the world worthy of my affection. My heart was dead to all below, not through dejectien,’ as at some times, but from views of a better inheritance,
Friday, July 11. Was in a calm composed frame in the morning, especially in the season of secret retirement. 1 think I was well pleased with the will of God, whatever it was or should be, in all respects. Intending to administer the Lord’s supper the next Lord’s day, I looked to God for his presence and &ssistance upon that occasion; but felt a disposition to say, “ The will of the Lord be done,” whether it be to give me assistance or not. Spent some little time in writing; visited the Indians, and engaged in serious conversation with them; thinking it not best to preach, because many of them were absent.
Saturday, July 12. This day ¥ was spent in fasting and prayer by my congregation, as preparatory to the sacrament. I discoursed, both parts of the day, from Rom. iv. 25. “ Who was delivered for our offences,” Sc. God gave me some assistance in my discourses, and something of divine power attended the word: this was a good season. Afterwards led the people to a solemn renewal of their covenant, and fresh dedication of themselves to God. This was a season of great solemnity, and Gop seemed to be in the amidst of-us. Returned to my-lodgings in the evening, in a comfortable frame of mind.
ELord’s day, July 18. In the forenoon, discoursed on “the bread of life,” from John vi. 35. God gave me some assistance, in part of my discourse especially; and there ape peared some tender affection in the assembly under divine truths; my soul also was somewhat refreshed. Administered the Lord’s supper to thirty-one of the Indians. God seemed to be present in this ordinance; the communicants were most of them melted ‘and refreshed. They were greatly affected when
NN ” part vit DAVID BRAINERD. 198
the elements were fist uncovered; there was scarcely a dry eye among them, when I shewed them the symbols of Chtist’s, broken body.—Having rested a little, after the administration of the sacrament, I visited the communicants, and found them generally in a sweet loving frame; not unlike
what appeared among them on the former sacramental octa-.
sion, on April 27. In the afternoon, discoursed- “upon coming
to Christ, and the satisfaction*of those who do so, from the ° same verse I insisted on in’the forenoon. This was likewise -
a season of. much tenderness, affection, and enJargement in
wht
divine service: and God, I am persuaded, crowned ‘our as-'
sembly with: his presence. I returned home much spent, yet rejoicing: in the divine goodness. *
Monday, July 14. Went to.my people, and discoursed to them from Psal. cxix. 106. “I have sworn, and I will per-
‘form it,” &c. Observed, 1. That all God’s judgments or
commandments are righteous. - 2. That God’s people have sworn to keep them; and this they do especially at the Lord’s table. There appeared to be a powerful divine influence on the assembly, and considerable melting under. the word. Afterwards I Jed them to a renewal of their covenant before God, that they would watch over themselves and one another, lest they should fall into sin, and ‘dishonour the name of Christ. This transaction, like that of April 28, was attended with great solemnity. God seemed to own it by exciting in them a fear and jealousy of themselves, lest they should sin against him, and his presence seemed to be amongst tw in the conclusion of this sacramental solemnity.
{The next day he set out towards Philadelphia; from
whence he did not return till’ Saturday. He went this jour-
ney, and spent the week, onder a Great degree of illness of
body, and dejection of mind Te a: Lord's day, July 20. Preachied. twice to my people, from John xvii. 24. “Father, I will ‘that they also whom thou hast given me, be with me where | am, that they may behold my glory, which thou hast given me.” :-Was helped to discourse with great clearness and plainness in the forenoon. In the afternoon, enjoyed some. tenderness, ‘and spake with some influence. Divers were in tears: and some, to appearance, in distress, oy oo °“ 9 194 oe THE LIFE OF [PART VIt.
Monday, July 21. Preached tothe Indians, chiefly for the sake of some strangers. Then proposed my design of taking a journey speedily to Susquahannah; exhorted the people ._ to pray that God would be with me in my journey, and chose _ divers persons of the congregation to travel with me. Afterwards, spent time in discoursing to the strangers, and felt encouraged. Took care of my people’s secular business, and was not a little exercised-with it. Had some degree of. composure and comfort in secret retirement.
Tuesday, July 22. Was in a dejected frame, most of the day. Wanted to wear out life, and have it at an end; but bad some desires of living to God, and wearing out life for him. Oh that I could indeed do so!
[The next day he went to ‘Elisabeth-Town, to a meeting of the Presbytery; and spent his time till the former part of ' Friday, under a great degree of melancholy; not through any fear of future punishment, but as being distressed with a senselessness of all good, so that the whole world appeared empty and gloomy to him. In the latter part of Friday, he was greatly relieved and comforted.}
Saturday, July 26. Was comfortable in the morning; my countenance and heart were not sad, as in days past;. enjoyed some sweetness in lifting up my heart to God. Rode home to my people, and was in a pleasant frame by the way; my spirits were much relieved of their burden, and I felt free to go through all difficulties and Jabours in my
_ Master’s service. |
Lord's day, July 27. Discoursed to my people, in the forenoon from. Luke xii. 87, on the duty and benefit of watching. God‘helped me in the latter part of my discourse, and his power appeared.in the assembly. In the afternoon, discoursed from Luke xiii. 25. Here also 1 enjoyed some assistance, and the Spirit of God seemed to attend what was spoken. There was a great solemnity, and some tears among the Indians and others.
Monday, July 28. Was very weak, and Scarcely able to perform any business at all; but enjoyed liberty in prayer, both morning and evening, and was composed and comfortable through the day. My mind was intense, aud my heart fervent, at least in some degree,-in secret duties; and { longed to spend and be spent far God.
- Tuesday, July 29. My mind was cheerfal and free from melancholy ;. had freedom in looking up to God, at sundry. pies iw the day. In the evening | enjoyed a comfortable season in: prayer; was helped to plead with God for my own dear people, that he would carry om his blessed work among. them ;. was assisted also in praying for the divine presence to attend me in my journey to Susquahannah, and remembered my dear brethren and friends in New-England. 1 scarcely knew how to leave the throne of grace, and it grieved me that I was obliged to go to bed. I longed to do something for God, but knew not how: -Blessed be God for this freedom from dejection.
Wednesday, July 30. Was unusually comfortable, both in body and mind, in the forenoon especially. 1 was greatly assisted in my work, and God seemed to be near to me; so that the day was as comfortable as most I have enjoyed for —some time. In the evening, was favoured with assistance im secret prayer, atid felt much as I did the evening before. Blessed be God for that freedom I then enjoyed at the throne of grace, for myself, my people, and my dear friends. “ It is good for me to draw. near to God.”
Friday, August 1. In the evening, enjoyed a sweet
season in secret prayer; clouds of darkness and perplexing eare were scattered, and nothing anxious remained. Ob how serene was my mind at this season; how, free from that distracting concern [ have often felt! “Thy will be done,” Was a petition sweet to my soul; and if God had bidden me chuse for myself in any affair, I should have chosen rather to refer all to him; for I saw he was infinitely wise, and could not do aay thing amiss, as I was in danger of doing. Was assisted in prayer, for my dear flock, that God would promote his own work among them, and that he would go With me in my intended journey to Susquahamnah; was helped to remember dear friends in New-England, and my: dear brethren in the ministry. I found enough in the duty: of prayer to have engaged me to continue in it the whole night, if my bodily state would have admitted. Oh how, Sweet it is, to be enabled heartily to say, “ Lord, not my ' will, bat thine be done!”
Saturday, Aug.2. Near night, preached from Matt, xi. 2. Was considerably helped, and the presence of God’ seemed remarkably in the assembly; divine truth made pow-
.. “09 @
. pe
196. THE LIFE OF [PART VII.
, erful impressions, both upon saints and sinners.. Blessed be God for such a revival amongst us. In the evening, was very weary, but found my spirits supported.and refreshed.
Lord’s day, Aug. 3. Discoursed to my people in the fore-
_noon, from Col. iii..4, shewing that Christ is the believer’s life. God. helped me, and it was a season of considerable power in the assembly. In the afternoon, preached from Luke xix. 41, 42. 1 enjoyed some assistance, though not so much as in the forenoon. In the evening, I had great freedom in secret prayer; God enlarged my heart, and gave me satisfaction in drawing .near to himself. Oh that my soul
could magnify the Lord, for these seasons of composure and
resignation to. his will!
Monday, Aug. 4. Spent the day in writing;; enjoyed much freedom and assistance in my Work; was in a composed and comfortable frame most of the day; and in the evening en- " joyed some sweetness in prayer. Blessed be God, my spirits were yet up, and I was kept from sinking, as | have been in general ever since I came from Elisabeth-Town. Ob what a mercy is this!
‘Friday, Aug. 5. Towards night, preached at the funeral of one of my Christian-Indians, from Is. lvii. 2. Was op- _ pressed with nervous head ach, and considerably dejected: however, had a little freedom, some part of the time I was discoursing. Was extremely weary in the evening, but notwithstanding enjoyed some liberty and cheerfulness of mind ‘in prayer; and found the dejection that I feared, much removed, and my spirits considerably refreshed.;
Thursday, Aug. 7. Rode to my house, where I spent the last winter, in order to bring some things I needed for my Susquahannah: journey: was réfreshed to see that place, which God so marvellously visited with the showers of his
grace. Oh how amazingly did the power of God often ap- |
pear there! “Bless the Lord, oh my soul, and forget not all his benefits.”.;, | Saturday, Aug.9. In the afternoon, visited my people;
set their affairs in order as much as possible, and contrived.
for them the management of their worldly business; discoursed. to them in a solemn manner, and concluded with prayer. Was composed and comfortable in the evening,
and somewhat fervent in secret prayer: had a view of the.
4 ye : eternal world, and felt a serenity of mind. Oh that I could ‘magnify the Lord for any freedom he affords me in prayer!
Lord’s day, Aug. 10., Discoursed to my people, both parts of the day, from Acts iii. 19. In treating of repentance, in the forenoon, God helped me, so that my discourse was searching; some were in tears, both of the Indians and white people, ‘and the word of God was attended with power. In the interval of worship, I was engaged in discoursing to some in order to their baptism ;, as well as with one who had then lately met with some comfort, after spiritual trouble
. and distress. In the afternoon, was somewhat assisted again,
though weak and weary. Afterwards baptized -six' persons; three adults, and three children. Was in a comfortable frame in the evening, and enjoyed some satisfaction in secret prayer. I scarcely ever felt myself fo full of tenderness as this day.. Monday, Aug. 11. Being about to set out on a journey to Susquahannah the next day, with leave of Providence, I spent some time this day in prayer with my people, that God would bless and succeed my intended journey; that he would send forth his blessed Spirit with his word, and set up his kingdom among the poor Indians in the wilderness. While 1 was opening and applying part of the 1/0th and 2nd Psalms, thé power of God seemed to descend on the assembly in some measure; and while I was offering the first
| player, numbers were melted. Preached from Acts iv. 31.,
God helped me,- and my interpreter also; there was a shak« ing and meltiag.among us, and divers 1 doubt not were in some meastite “ filled with the Holy Ghost.” Afterwards, Mr. Mackniglit prayed. I then opened the two last stanzas of the 72nd Psalm; at which time’ God was present with us, ° especially while I insisted upon the promise of “all nations blessing the great Redeemer.” - My ‘soul waé refreshed in thinking that‘this day, this blessed‘ glorious season should: surely come; and I trust, numbers.of my dear people were also refreshed. Afterwards prayed ‘with freedom, but was almost spent. I then walked out, and left my people to carry on religious exercises among themselves: they prayed repeatedly, and-sung, while.I rested and refreshed myself. Afterwards, went to the meeting; prayed with, and dismissed the assembly. Blessed be Sod, this has been a day of grace. ere were many sighs and tears amongst us this day. In ia o 3
s
oe 198 “THE LIFE OF [parr vir.
the evening, my soul was refreshed in prayer; enjoyed. liberty at: the throne of grace, in praying for my people and friends, and the church of God in general. Bless the Lord, oh my soul.
[The next day he set out on his journey towards Susqua- ‘hannah, and six of his Christian Indians with him, whom he had chosen out of his congregation, as those that he judged most fit to assist him in the business he was going upon. He took his way through Philadelphia, intending to go as far as Susquahannah river, where it is settled by the white people, below the‘country inhabited by the Indians; and so to travel up the river to the Indian habitations. For though this was ‘much farther about, yet hereby he avoided the huge mountains, and hideous wilderness, that must be crossed in the nearer way; which in time past he had found to be extremely difficult and fatiguing. He rode this week as far as Charlestown, a place of that name about thirty miles westward of Philadelphia, where he arrived on Friday; and in his way hither, was for the most part in a comfortable state of mind.]
Saturday, Aug.16. At Charlestown. It being.a day kept by the people of the place where I now was, as preparatory to the celebration of the Lord’s supper, I tarried; heard Mr. Treat preach, and then preached myself. - - God gave me a good degree of freedom, and helped me to discourse with warmth and power to the conscience. Afterwards I was refreshed in spirit, though much tired; and. spent the evening agreeably, having ‘some freedom in prayer; as well as Christian conversation.
Lord’s day, Aug. 17.: Enjoyed liberty, composure and satisfaction, in the secret duties of the morning: had my heart somewhat enlargéd in prayer for dear friends, as well as for myself. In the forenoon, attended Mr. Treat’s preaching, partook of the Lord’ssupper, five of my people also communicating in this holy ordinance: I enjoyed some enlargement and outgoing of soul in this season. In the afternoon, preached from Ezek. xxxiii. 11. Enjoyed not so muchsensible assistance as the day before; however; was helped to some fervency in addressing immortal souls. Was somewhat confounded in the evening, because I thought I had done little or nothing for God; yet enjoyed some refreshment of spirit.in Christian conversation and prayer. Spent the evening, till near midnight, in religious exercises; and found my bodily strength, which was much spent when I came from the public. ‘worship, something renewed before I went to bed.
Monday, Aug.18. Rode on my way towards Paxton, upon Susquahannah river. Felt my spirits sink towards night, so that I had little comfort.
Tuesday, Aug. 19. Rode forward still; .and at night lodged by the side of Susquahatinah. Was weak and disordered both this and the preceding day, and found my spirits considerably. damped, meeting with none that I thought godly people.
Wednesday, Aug. 20. Having lain in a cold sweat all night, I coughed much bloody matter this morning, and was under great disorder of body, and not a little melatcholy; but what gave me some encouragement was, IJ had a secret hope that | might speedily get a dismission from earth, and all its toils and sorrows. Rode this day to one Chambers’s, - upon Susquahanaah, and there’ lodged. Was much afflicted in the evening with an ungodly crew, drinking, swearing, &c. Ob what a ‘hell would it be, to be numbered with the ungodly! Enjoyed some agreeable conversation with a traveller, who seemed to have a relish of true religion.
Thursday, Aug. 21. Rode up the river about fifteen miles, and there lodged, ina family that appeared quite destitute of God. Laboured to discoursé with the man about the life of religion, but found him very artful in evading such conversation. Oh what a death it is to some, to hear of the things of God! Was out of my element, but not so dejected as at some times.
Friday, Aug. 22. Continued my course up the river. My people now being with me, who before were parted from me, we travelled above all the English settlements. Atnight, lodged in the open woods, and slept with more comfort than
. While among an ungodly company of white people. Enjoyed some liberty in secret prayer this evening; was helped to remember dear friends, as well as my dear flock, and the church of God ‘in general.
Saturday, Aug.23. Arrived at the Indian town, called Shaumoking, near night. Was not so dejected as formerly, though somewhat exercised. Felt more composed in the
o4
200 THE LIFE OF ‘ [PART VII.
evening, and enjoyed some freedom in leaving my all with God. Through great goodness, 1 was not distressed with despondency, as frequently. heretofore;
Lord’s day, Aug. 24. ‘Towards nosh, visited, some of the Delawares, and discoursed with them about Christianity. In the afternoon, discoursed to the King, and others, upon divine things; they seemed disposéd to hear. Spent most of the day in these exercises. ‘In the evening, enjoyed some comfort and satisfaction, especially in secret prayer: this duty was made sa, agreeable to me, that I loved to walk abroad and repeated| ly engage in it. Oh how comfortable is a little glimpse of God! '
Monday, Aug. 25. Spent most of tlte day i in writing. Sent out my people that were with me; to talk with the Indians, and contract a friendship and famfiliarity with them, that I might have a better opportunity of treating with them about Christianity. Some good seemed to be done by their visits this day, divers appeared willing to hearken to the gospel. My spirits were a little refreshed this evening, and I found some liberty and satisfaction in prayer. =,
Tuesday, Aug. 26. About noon, discoursed to a considerable number-of Indians. God helped me to speak with much plainness, warmth and power. The discourse had impression upon some, and made them appear very serious. I thought things now appeared as encouraging as they did at. Crosweeks. At the time of my first visit to those Indians, I was a little encouraged. I pressed things with all my might, and called out my. people, who were then present, to give in their testimony fot God; which they did. Towards night, was refreshed; felt a heart: to pray for the setting up of God’s kingdom here, as well as for ny dear congregation, and friends elsewhere.
Wednesday, Aug. 27. There ‘having been a thick smoke in the house where [ lodged all night before, by which I was almost choked, I was this morning distressed. with pains in my head and neck, and could have no rest. In the morning, the smoke was still the same; and a cold edsterly storm gathering, 1 could neither live within doors nor without any long time together. ~ L.was pierced with the rawness of the air abroad; in the house distressed with the smoke. I was this day very low, and lived in great distress; had not health enough to do any thing to purpose. part vit] DAVID BRAINERD. 201
Thursday, Aug. 28. 1n the forenoon was under great con- - cern of mitid about my work. Being visited by some who desired to hear me preach, I discoursed to thein in the afternoon with some fervency, and laboured to persuade them to turn to God. Was full of concern for the kingdom of Christ, and found some enlargement in prayer, both in secret and in my family." Scarcely ever saw ‘more clearly than this day, - that it is God’s work to convert sedis, and especially poor Heathens. - 1 knew I could not, fouchtpem; I saw I could only speak to “dry bones,” butcduld give them no sense of - what I said. My eyes wete up to'God for help: 1 could
say, the work was his; and if done, the glory would be his.
' Friday, Aug. 29. Felt the same concern, of mind as the.
‘day before. Enjoyed some freedom in'prayer, and a satisfaction to leave all with God. Travelled to the Delawares, found few at home: felt poorly, but was able to spend some time alone in reading God’s word and in prayer, and enjoyed, some sweetness in these exercises. In the evening, was assisted repeatedly in prayer, and found some comfort ia coming to the throne of grace.
Saturday, Aug. 30. Spent the forenoon ‘in visiting a trader, who came down the river sick. He appeared as ignorant as any Indian. In the afternoon, spent some time in writing,
- reading, and prayer.
Lord’s day, Aug. 31. Spent much time in the morning in secret duties: found a weight upon my spirits, and could not but cry to God with concern and~engagement of soul. Spent some time also in treading and expounding God’s word to my family that,were with me, as well as in singing and, praying with them.+ Afterwards, spake the word of God toa few of the Susquahannah Indians. In the afternoon felt very weak and feeble. Near night was a little refreshed in. mind, with some views relating to my great work. Oh how heavy i is my work, when faith cannet take hold of an almighty arm, for the performance of it. Many times have I been ready to sink in this case. Blessed be God, that I may. tepair to'a full fountain. *
Monday, ‘September 1. Set out on a journey towards a place called The Great Island, about fifty miles distant from Shaumoking, in the north-western branch of Susquahannah. Travelled some part of the way, and at night lodged in the woods. Was exceeding feeble this day, and sweat much the night following.
202 THE LIFE OF _ frarrvit.
Tuesday, Sep. 2. Rode forward, but no faster than my _ people went on foot. Onthis as well as the preceding days, 1 was so feeble and faint that I feared it would kill me to lie out in the open air. Some of our company also were parted from us, so that we had now no axe with us; and I had no _ way left but to climb into a young pine-tree, and with my knife to lop the branches, and so made a shelter from the dew. But the evening being cloudy, and very likely for rain, I was still under fears of. being extremely exposed. I sweat
much in the night, so. that my linen was almost wiinging ~
wet all night. [ scarcely ‘ever was more weak and weary. than this evening, when I was able to sit up at all! This was a melancholy situation to bein; but I endeavoured to quiet yself with considerations of the possibility of my being in much worse circumstances, amongst enemies, ec. Wednesday, Sep. 3. Rode to the Delaware town; found several persons drinking and drunken. Discoursed with some of the Indians about Christianity;; observed my Interpreter much engaged and assisted in his work; some few. seemed to hear with great earnestness. About noon, rode to a small town of Shauwaunoes, about eight miles distant; spent an hour or two there, and returned to the Delaware town, and lodged there. Was seldom more confounded with a sense of my own unfruitfulness and unfitness for my work than now... Oh what a dead, heartless, barren, unprofitable wretch did 1 now see myself to be! My spirits were so low, and my bodily strength so wasted, that I could do nothing at all. At length, being much overdone, I lay down vn a Buffalo-skin; but sweat much the whole night. Thursday, Sep. 4. Discoursed -with the Indians, in the morning about Christianity. My Interpreter afterwards carried on the discourse to a considerable length: some few appeared well-disposed, and somewhat affected. Left this place, and returned towards Shaumoking; and at night lodged in the place as on the Monday night before. Was in very uncomfortable circumstances in.the evening, my people being belated, and not coming: to me till past ten at night; so that | had no fire to dress any victuals, or to keep me warm, or keep off wild beasts. 1 was never more weak and worn out in all my life. However, I lay down and slept before my people came up, expecting nothing else but to spend the whole night alone, end without a fire.
PART VII.) ' DAVID BRAINERD. 203
_ Feridgy, Sep. 5. Was so weak that I could scarcely ride; it seemed sometimes as if 1 must fall off from my horse, and Jie in the open woods. However, 1 got to Shaumoking towards night, and felt thankful that God had so far returned me. I was also refreshed to see one.of my Christians, whom 1 left here in my late excursion.
Saturday, Sep.6. Spent the day in a very weak state, «oughing and spitting blood, and having little appetite to any food I had with me. Could do very little, except disepurse awhile of divine things to my own people, and te some few I met with. Had by this time very little life or heart to speak for God, through feebleness’ of body and flatness of spirits. Was much ashamed and confounded in myself. I was sensible that there were numbers of God’s people, who knew I was thei out upon a design (or at least the pretence) of doing something for God and in his cause, among the poor Indians; and they were ready to suppose ‘that 1 was “ fervent in spirit.” But oh the heartless frame
* of mind that I felt, filled me with confusion. Oh if God’s people knew me, as God knows, they would not think so highly of my zeal and resolution for God, as perhaps now they do. I could not but desire they should see how heart- Jess and irresolute I was, that they might be undeceived, and “not think of me above what they ought to think.” And yet I thought, if they saw the utmost of my flatness and unfaithfulness, the smallness of my courage and resolution for God, they’ would be ready to shut me out of their doors, as unworthy of the company or friendship of Christians.
Lord's day, Sep. 7. Was much in the same weak state of hody, and afflicted frame of mind, as in the preceding day: wy soul was grieved, and mourned that I could do nothing for God. Read.and expounded some part of God’s word to
“-my own déat’ family, and spent some time in prayer with them. Discoursed also a little to the Pagans, but spent the Sabbath with.a little comfort.
_ Monday, Sep. 8. Spent the forenoon among the Indians;
_ in the afternoon, left Shaumoking, and returned a few miles
down she river. Had proposed to tarry a considerable time longer among the Indians upon Susquahannah; but was hindered from pursuing my purpose by the sickness that prevailed there, the weakly circumstances of my own people that were with me, and especially my own extraordinary ‘204 THE LIFE OF © (PART vir
weakness, having. been exercised with great nocturnal sweats, and a coughing up of blood, in almost the whole of the journey. Great part of the time I was so feeble and faint, that it seemed as though I never should be able to reach home; and at the same time destitute of the comforts, and
even necessaries of life; at least, what was necessary. ‘for one ~
in so weak a state. In this journey I was sometimes: enabled to speak the word of God with power, and divine truth made some impression on divers that heard me. Several men and women, both old-and young, seemed to “ cleave to us,” and to be well disposed towards Christianity; but others. mocked and shouted, which damped some of those who before seemed friendly: Yet God at times was evidently present, assisting me and my Interpreter, and other dear friends who were with me. ‘I sometimes had a good degree of freedom in prayer for the ingathering of souls there, and could not but entertain a strong hope that the - journey would not
be wholly fruitless. Whether it will issue in the setting up |,
Christ’s kingdom there, or only the drawing of some few persons down to my congregation in New-Jersey; or whether they were now only preparing for some further attempts that might be made among them, I did not determine; but I was persuaded the journey would not be lost. Blessed be God,
that I had any encouragement-and hope. Oo
Tuesday, Sep.9. Rode down the river, near thirty miles. ~
Was extremely weak, much fatigued, and wet with a thunderstorm. Discoursed with some warmth and closeness to a few poor ignorant souls, on the life and power of religion; what were, and what were not the evidences of it. They. seemed much astonished when they saw my Indians ask ‘a blessing, and give thanks. at- dinner, concluding that to be a
very high’evidence of grace in them; but ‘were astonished ” when I insisted that neither that, nor yet secret prayer, was*
any ‘sure evidence of grace. Oh the ignorance of men! How are, some empty outward forms, that may all be entirely
selfish, mistaken for true religion, and infallible evidences of.
it! The Lord pity a deluded world.
Wednesday, Sep..10. Rode near twenty miles homeward. a
Was much solicited. to preach, but utterly unable, through -
bodily weakness. “Was overdone with heat and showers —
this day, and coughed up much blood.
Thursday, Sep. 11. Rode homeward, but ‘was very weak,. and sometimes scarcely able-to ride. Had a very importunate invitation to preach at a meeting-house I came by, the people being then gathering, but I could not. Was resigned and composed under my weakness, but much exercised with concern for my companions in travel, whom I had left with much regret, some lame, and some sick,
Friday, Sep. 12. Rode about fifty miles, and cante just at | night to a Christian friend’s house, about twenty five miles. west of Philadelphia. Was courteously received, and kindly entertained, and found myself much refreshed i in the midst of my weakness and fatigues,
Saturday, Sep. 13. Was still agreeably entertained with Christian friendship, and all things suited to my circume stances. In the afternoon, heard Mr. Treat preach, and was tefreshed in conversation with him in the evening.
Lord's day, Sep. 14. At the desire of Mr. Treat and the people, I preached both parts of the day, but short, from Luke xiv. 23. God gave me some freedom and warmth in my discourse; and I trust, helped me in some measure to labour “ in singleness of heart.” Was much tired in the evening, but comforted with the most tender treatment I ever met with. My mind, through the whole of this day, was exceeding calm. { could ask for nothing in prayer, with any encouragement of soul, but that “ the will of God might be done.”
Monday, Sep. 15. Spent the whole day in concert with ’ Mr. Treat, endeavouring to compose a difference subsisting between certain persons in the congregation where we now were: there-seemed to be a blessing on our endeavours. In the evening, baptized a child. was in a. calm composed frame, and enjoyed a spiritual sense of divineahings, while administering the ordinance. Afterwards, spent the time in ‘religious conversation, till late in the night. This was indeed a pleasant evening.
. Tuesday, Sep. 16. Continued still at my friend’s house, about twenty five miles west of Philadelphia. Was very weak, unable to perform any business, and scarcely able to sit up.. Wednesday, Sep..17. Rode in to Philadelphia. Still very weak, and my cough and spitting of blood continued. Enjoyed some agreeable conversation with friends, but wanted More spirituality, 206 * THE LIFE OF [PART Vi.
Thursday, Sep. 18. Went~from Philadelphia to Mr. Treat’s; was agreeably entertained om the road, and was’ iw a sweet composed frame in the evening.. Friday, Sep. 19. Rode from Mr. Treat’s to Mr. Stock-
ston’s at Prince Town: was extremely weak, but kindly re- ‘ckived and entertained. Spent the evening with some degree’ of satisfaction.
Saturday, Sep. 20. Arrived among my own people, jast at night. Found them praying together: went in and gave’ them some account of God’s dealings with me and ny companions in the journey, which seemed affecting to them. TL then prayed with them, and thought the divine presence was amongst us; several were melted into tears, and seemed to have a sense of divine things. Being very weak, I was obliged soon to repair to my lodgings and felt much worn out,'m the evening. Thus God has:carried me through the fatigues and perils of another journey to Susquahannah, aad returned me again in safety, though under a great degree of bodily indisposition. Oh that my soul were truly thankfal for renewed instances of mercy! Many hardships ané distresses I endured in this j journey; ;,but the Lord supported me under them all.
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