Rise and Progress of a Remarkable Work of Grace among the Indians in New Jersey and Pennsylvania (Brainerd's Journal) (part 5 of 6)
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now found nothing but badness in himself, and saw it was for ever impossible for him to make himself any better. He wondered, he said, that he had ever hoped to mend his own heart. He was amazed he had never before seen that it was utterly impossible for him, by all his contrivances and endea- Yours, to do any thing that way, since the matter now appeared to him in so clear a light. Instead of imagining now, that God would be pleased with him for the sake of this frame of mind, and this view of his undone state, he saw clearly and felt it would be just with God to send him to eternal misery, and that there was no goodness in what he then felt; for he could not help seeing that he was naked, sinful and miserable, and there was nothing in such a sight to deserve God’s love or pity. He saw these things in a manner so clear and convincing, that it seemed to him, he said, he could convince every body of their utter inability ever to help themselves, and their unworthiness of any help from God.
In this frame of mind he came to public worship this evening; and while [ was inviting sinners to come to Christ, without any goodness of their own to recommend them, he thought with himself that he had often tried to come and give up his heart to Christ, and he used to hope that some time or other he should be able to do so. But now he was convinced he could not, and it seemed utterly vain for him ever to try any more; and he could not, he said, find a heart to make any further attempt, because he saw it would signify nothing at all. Nor did he now hope for a better opportunity, or more ability hereafter, as he had formerly done, bebecause he saw and was fully convinced, his own strength would for ever fail.
While he was musing in this manner, he saw, he said, with his heart (which is a common phrase among them) something that was unspeakably good and lovely, and what he had never seen: before; and “this stole away his heart whether he would or no.” He did not know what it was he saw. He did not say, “this is Jesus Christ ;” but it was such glory and beauty as he never saw before. He did not now give away his heart so as he had formerly intended and attempted to do, but it went away of itself after that glory he then discovered. He used to try to make a bargain with Christ, to give up fis heart to him, that he might have eter-
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nal life for tt. But now he thought nothing about himself, or what would become of him hereafter; his mind was wholly taken up with the unspeakable excellency of what he then beheld. After some time be was wonderfully pleased with the way of salvation by Christ: so that it seemed aaspeakably better to be saved altogether by the mere free grace of God in Christ, than to have aay hand in saving himself. The consequence of this exercise is, that he appears to retain a sense and relish of divine things, and to maintain a life of seriousness and true religion.
Jan.28. The Indians in these parts having in times past run themselves in debt by their excessive drinking, and some having taken the advantage and put them to trouble and charge by arresting sundry of them; it was supposed a great part of their hunting lands was much endangered, and might speedily be taken from them. Sensible that they could not subsist together in these parts, in order to their being a Christian congregation, if these lands should drop out of their hands, which was thought very likely, I thought it my duty to use my utmost endeavours to prevent so unhappy an event. And having acquainted the gentlemen eorncerned with this Mission of this affair, according to the best information I could get of it, they thought it proper to expend the money they had been and still were collecting for the religious interests of the Indians, (atleast a part of it,’ for discharging their debts, and securing these lands, that there might be no entanglement lying upon them to hinder the settlement and hopeful enlargement of a Christian congregation of Indians in these parts. And having received orders from them, I answered, in behalf of the Indians, for Eighty-two pounds five shillings, New-Jersey currency, at eight shillings per ounce; and so prevented the difficulty in this respect.
As God has wrought a wonderful work of grace among these Indians, and now inclines others from remote places to fallin among them almost continually; and as he has opened a door for the prevention of the difficulty now mentioned, which seemed greatly to threaten their religious interests, as well as worldly comfort; it may be hoped the Lord ‘designs to establish a church for himself among them, and to hand down true religion to their posterity.
Jan. 30. Preached to the Indians from John iii. 16, 17.
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There was a solemn attention and some affection visible in the audience; several persons who had long been concerned for their souls, seemed afresh excited and engaged in seeking after an interest in Christ. One with much concern afterwards told me, “his heart was so pierced with my preaching, he knew not where to turn nor what to do.”
Jan. 31. This day the person I had made choice of and engaged for a Schoolmaster, arrived among us, and was heartily welcomed by my people universally. I immediately distributed several dozen of primers among the children and young people.
Feb. 1. 1745-6. My schoolmaster entered upon his business among the Indians. He has generally about thirty children and young persons in his school in the day-time,
and about fifteen married people in the evening. The num-.
ber of the latter sort of persons being less than it would be, if they could be more constantly at home, and spare time from their necessary employments for an attendance upon these instructions.
In the evening catechised in my usual method. Towards the close of my discourse, a surprising power seemed to ate tend the word, especially to some persons.—One man considerably in years, who had been a remarkable drunkard, a conjurer and murderer, that was awakened some months before, was now brought to great extremity under his spiritual distress, so that he trembled for hours together, and apprehended himself just dropping into hell, without any power to rescue or relieve himself.—Several others appeared under great concern as well as he, and solicitous to obtain a saving change.
Lord’s day, Feb. 2. Preached from John v. 24,25. There appeared some concern and affection in the assembly as usual. Towards night proceeded in my usual method of catechising. Observed my people more ready in answering the questions proposed to them than ever before. It is apparent they advance daily in doctrinal knowledge. But what is still more desirable, the Spirit of God is yet operating among them, whereby experimental as well as speculative knowledge is propagated in their minds,
Feb. 5. Discoursed to a considerable number of the Indians in the evening; several of them appeared much affected and melted with divine things.
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Feb. 8. Spent a considerable part of the day in visiting my people from house to house, and conversing with them about their souls’ concerns. Divers persons wept while I discoursed to them, and appeared concerned for nothing so much as for an interest in the great Redeemer.—In the evening catechised as usual. Divine truth made some impression upon the audience, and: was attended with an affectionate engagement of soul ‘in some.
Lord’s day, Feb.9. Discoursed to my people from the story of the blind man, Matth. x. 46—52. The word of God seemed weighty and powerful upon the assembly at this time, and made considerable impressions upon many, Some in particular, who have generally been remarkably stupid and careless under the means of grace, were now awakened, and wept affectionately. The most earnest attention, as well as tenderness and affection, appeared in the audience universally.
Baptized three persons, two adults and one child. The adults, I have reason to hope, were both truly pious. There was a considerable melting in the assembly, while I was discoursing particularly to the persons, and administering the ordinance. God has been pleased to own and bless the administration of this as well as of his other ordinances, among the Indians. Some have been powerfully awakened at seeing others baptized; others have obtained relief and comfort, just in the season when this ordinance has been administered.
Toward night catechised. God made this a powerful season to some, who were much affected, and former convictions were revived. There was likewise one, who had been a vile drunkard, remarkably awakened. He appeared to be in great anguish of soul, wept and trembled, and continued so to do till near midnight. There was also a poor heavy laden soul, who had been long under spiritual distress, as constant and pressing as ever I saw, that was now brought to a comfortable calm, and seemed to be bowed and reconciled to divine sovereignty. She told me that “she now saw and felt it was right that God should do with her as he pleased; and her heart felt satisfied it should be so.” Although of late she had often found her heart rise and quarrel with God because he would, if he pleased, send her to hell after all she had done, or could do to save herself. She
ce added that the heavy burden she had lain under, was new removed; that she had tried to recover her concern and distress again, (fearing that the Spirit of God was departing from her, and would leave her wholly careless,) but that she could not recover it; that she felt she never could do any thing to save herself, but must perish for ever if Christ did - not do all for her; that she did not deserve his help, and that it would be right if she should leave her to perish. But Christ could save her, though she could do nothing to save herself; and here she seemed to rest.
Forks of Delaware in Pensylvania, 1745-6.
Lord’s day, February 16. Knowing that many of the Indians in these parts were obstinately set against Christianity, and that some of them had refused to hear me preach in times past, I thought it might be proper to have a number of my religious people from Crosweeksung with me, in order to converse with them about religious matters; hoping it might be a means to convince them of the truth and importance of Christianity, to see and hear some of their own nation discoursing of divine things, and manifesting earnest desires that others might be brought out of heathenish darkness, as they themselves were.
Having taken half a dozen of the most serious and knowing persons for this purpose, I this day met with them and the Indians of this place, (some of whom probably could not have been prevailed upon to attend the meeting, had it not been for these religious Indians that accompanied me) and preached to them.—Some of them who had in times past been extremely averse to Christianity, now behaved soberly, but others laughed and mocked. However the word ‘of God fell with such weight*and power, that several seemed to be stunned, and ‘expressed a willingness to ‘“ hear me again of these matters.”
. Afterwards prayed with and addressed the white people present, and could not but observe some visible effects of the word among them. After public worship, spent some time and took pains to convince those that mocked, of the truth and importance of what | had been insisting upon; and so endeavoured to awaken their attention to divine truths. I had reason ‘to think, from what | observed then and afterwards, that my endeavours took considerable:effect upon one of the worst of them.—Those few Indians then present, who used to be my hearers in these parts, (some having removed from hence to Crosweeksung, seemed kindly disposed and glad to see me again, though they had been so much attacked by some of the opposing Pagans, that they were almost ashamed or afraid to manifest their friendship.
Feb. 17. Having spent much time in discoursing to the Indians in their respective houses, I got them together, and repeated and inculcated what I had before taught them. Afterwards discoursed to them from Acts viii. 5—8. A divine influence seemed to attend the word. Some of the Indians here appeared to be somewhat awakened, and manifested a concern of mind, by their earnest attention, tears and sobs. My people from Crosweeksung continued with them day and night, repeating and inculcating the truths I had. taught them. They sometimes prayed and sung psalms among them; discoursing with each other in their hearing, of the great things God‘had done for them, and for the Indians from whence they came; which seemed (as my people told me) to take more effect upon them, than when they directed their discourses immediately to them.
Feb. 18. Preached to an assembly of Irish people near fifteen miles distant from the Indians.
Feb. 19: Preached to the :Indians again, after having spent considerable time in conversing with them more privately. There appeared a.great solemnity, and some concern and affection among the Indians belonging to these parts, as well as a sweet melting among those who came with me.—Several of the Indians here seemed to have. their prejudices and aversion to Christianity removed, and appeared well disposed and inclined to hear the word of God.
Feb. 20. Preached to a small assembly of High- Dutch people, who had seldom heard the gospel, and some of them at least were very ignorant; but who have lately been put upon an inquiry after the way of salvation. They gave wonderful attention; some of them were much affected under the word, and afterwards said that they never had been so,much enlightened about the way of salvation in their whole lives before. They requested me to tarry with them, or come again and preach to them. It grieved me that i could not comply with their request, for 1 could not but be
ce 2 affected with their circumstances; they being as “ sheep not having a shepherd,” and some of them appearing under trouble of soul, standing in peculiar need of the assistance of an experienced spiritual guide.
Feb.21. Preached to a number of people, many of them Low-Dutch. Several of the forementioned High-Dutch attended the sermon, though eight or ten miles distant from their houses. The Indians also belonging to these parts, came of their own accord with my people from Crosweeksung to the meeting. Two in particular, who the last Sabbath opposed and ridiculed Christianity, were now present and behaved soberly. May the present encouraging appearance continue.
Feb. 22. Preached to the Indians.. They appeared more free from prejudice, more cordial to Christianity than before, and some of them much affected.
Lord’s day, Feb. 23. Preached to the Indians from John vi. 35—37. After public service, discoursed particularly with several, and invited them to go down to Crosweeksung, and tarry there at least for some time; knowing they would then be free from the scoffs and temptations of the opposing Pagans, as well as in the way of hearing divine truths discoursed of, both in public and private. 1 got a promise from some of them, that they would speedily pay us a visit, and attend upon further instruction. They seem to be considederably enlightened, and freed from their prejudices against Christianity. But it is much to be feared their prejudices will revive again, unless they could enjoy the means of instruction here, or be removed where they might be under such advantages, and out of the way of their Pagan acquaintance.
Crosweeksung in New-Jersey, 1745-6.
March 1. Catechised in my ordinary method. Was pleased and refreshed to see them answer the questions with such remarkable readiness, discretion and knowledge. Towards the close of my discourse, divine truth made considerable impressions upon the audience. It produced tears and sobs in some under concern, and more especially a sweet and humble melting in others, whom I have reason to hope vere truly gracious.
Lord’s day, Mar.2. Preached from John xv. 1—6. The assembly appeared not so lively in their attention as usual, nor so much affected with divine truth as has been common. Some of my people who went up to the Forks of Delaware with me, being now returned, were accompanied by two of the Indians belonging to the Forks, who bad promised me a speedy visit. May the Lord meet with them here. They can scarcely go into a house now, but they will meet with Christian conversation; and it is hopeful, they may be both instructed and awakened.
Discoursed to the Indians again in the afternoon, and observed among them some liveliness and engagement in divine service, though not equal to what has often appeared here. 1 know of no assembly of Christians where there seems to be so much of the presence of God, where brotherly love so much prevails, and where I should take so much delight in public worship in the general, as in my own congregation; although not more than nine months ago, they were worshipping devils and dumb idols under the power of pagan darkness and superstition. Amazing change this! effected by nothing less than divine power and grace. “This is the Lord’s doing, and it is marvellous in our eyes!”
Mar. 5. Spent some time just at evening in prayer, singing, and discoursing to my people upon divine things; and observed some agreeable tenderness and affection among them. Their present situation is so compact and commodious, that they are easily and quickly called together with only the sound of a Conk-shell, (a shell like that of a periwinkle,) so that they have frequent opportunities of attending religious exercises publicly; which seems to be a a great means, under God, of keeping alive the impressians of divine things in their mind.
Mar. 8. Catechised in the evening. My people answered the questions proposed tu them well. I can percieve their knowledge in religion increases daily. And what is still more desirable, the divine influence that has been so remarkable among them, appears still to continue in some good measure. The divine presence seemed to be in the assembly this evening. Some, who I have good reason to think are Christians indeed, were melted with a sense of the divine goodness, and their own barrenness and ingratitude, and seemed to hate themselves, as one of them afterwards expressed it, Convictions also appeared to be revived in several instances: and divine truths were attended with such influence upon
cc 3 the assembly in general, that it might justly be called “ an evening of divine power.”
Lord’s day, Mar. 9. Preached from Luke x. 38—42. The word of God was attended with power and energy, and numbers were concerned to obtain the one thing needful. Some who gave good evidences of their being truly gracious, were much affected with a sense of their want of spirituality; and saw the need they stood in of growing in grace: and most that had been under any impressions of divine things in time past, seemed now to have those impressions revived. In the afternoon proposed to have catechised in my usual method: but while we were engaged in the first prayer, in the Indian language, a great part of the assembly was so much moved, and affected with divine things, that I thought it seasonable and proper to omit the proposing of questions for that time, and insist upon the most practical truths. I accordingly did so; making a farther improvement of that passage of scripture [ discoursed upon in the former part of the day. There appeared to be a powerful divine influence in the congregation. Some that I have reason to think are truly pious, were so deeply affected with a sense of their own barrenness, and their unworthy treatment of the blessed Redeemer, that they looked on him as pierced by themselves, and mourned, yea, some of them were in bitterness as for a first-born.—Some poor awakened sinners also appeared to be in anguish of soul to obtain an interestin Christ. So that there was a great mourning in the assembly; many heavy groans, sobs, and tears! and one or two persons newly come among us, were considerably awakened.
Methinks it would have refreshed thé heart of any who truly love Zion’s interest, to have witnessed these glorious effects both upon saints and sinners. The place of worship appeared both solemn and sweet; and was so endeared by a display of the divine presence and grace, that those who had any relish of divine things, could not but cry, “ How amiable are thy tabernacles, O Lord of hosts !”
After public worship was over, numbers came to my house, where we sang and discoursed; and the presence of God seemed here also to be in the midst of us. While we were singing, there was one, (the woman mentioned in my Journal of February 9,) who, 1 may venture to say, if I may be allowed to say so much of any person I ever saw, was “filled with joy unspeakable and full of glory,” and could not but burst forth in prayer and praises to God before us all, with many tears, crying, “Oh blessed Lord, do come, do come; oh do take me away, do let me die and go to Jesus Christ!—I am afraid if ] live, I shall sin again! ob do let me die now! oh dear Jesus do come! I cannot stay, I cannot stay! Oh how can [I live inthis world! do take my soul away from this sinful place! oh let me never sin any more! oh whatshall 1 do, what shall I do! dear Jesus, oh dear Jesus,” &c. In this ecstacy she continued some time, uttering these and such like expressions incessantly; and
“the grand argument she used with God to take her away immediately, was, that “if she lived, she should sin against him.”
When she had a little recovered herself, 1 asked her, whether Christ was not now sweet to her soul? Turning to me with tears in her eyes, and with all the tokens of deep humility I eyer saw in any person, she said, “ I have many times heard you speak of the goodness and preciousness of Christ, that he was better than all the world: but oh I knew nothing what you meant, I never believed you! | never believed you! But now I know it is true :’—or words to that effect. I answered, And do you see enough in Christ for the greatest of sinners? She replied, “ Ob enough, enough, for “ all the sinners in the world if they would but come.” And when I asked her, if she could not tell them of the goodness of Christ; turning herself round to some poor Christless souls who stood by, and were much affected, she said, “ Oh “ there is enough in Christ for you, if you would but come! Oh strive, strive to give up your hearts to him!” On hearing something of the glory cf heaven mentioned, that there was no sin in that world, she again fell into the same ecstacy of joy, and desire of Christ’s coming; repeating her former expressions, “ Oh dear Lord, clo let me go: oh what “shall I do, what shall I do! I want tu go to Christ: I cannot live: oh do let me die!
She continued in this sweet frame for more than two hours, before she was able to get home. There may indeed be great joys arising even to an ecstacy, where there is still no substantial evidence of their being well-grounded. But in the present case there seemed to, be no evidence wanting, in order to prove this joy to be divine, either in regard of
cc 4 its preparatives, attendants, or consequents. Of all the persons I have seen under spiritual exercise, I scarce ever saw one more bowed and broken under convictions of sin and misery than this woman; nor any who seemed to have a greater acquaintance with their own heart. She would frequently complain to me of the hardness and rebellion of her heart; would tell me that her heart rose and quarrelled with God, when she thought he would do with her as he pleased, and send her to hell notwithstanding her prayers, good frames, &c. That her heart was not willing to come to Christ for salvation, but tried every where else for help.
As she had been remarkably sensible of her stubbornness and contrariety to God, under conviction, so she appeared to be no less remarkably bowed and reconciled to divine sovereignty before she obtained any relief or comfort. Something of this I have before noticed in my Journal of Feb. 9. Since which time she has seemed constantly to breathe the spirit and temper of the new creature; crying after Christ, not through fear of hell as before, but with strong desires after him as her only satisfying portion; and has many times wept and sobbed bitterly, because (as she apprehended) she did not and could not love him.—When [ have sometimes asked her, Why she appeared so sorrowful, and whether it was because she was afraid of hell; she would answer, “ No, I be not distressed about that; but my heart is so wicked I cannot love Christ ;” and then she would burst out into tears. But though this has been the habitual frame of her mind for several weeks together, so that the exercise of grace appeared evident to others, vet she seemed wholly insensible of it herself, and never had any remarkable comfort or sensible satisfaction till this evening.
This sweet and surprising ecstacy appeared to spring from a true spiritual discovery of the glory, ravishing beauty and ‘excellency of Christ, and not from any gross imaginary notions of bis human nature; such as that of seeing him in such a place or posture, as hanging on the cross, as bleeding, dying, as gently smiling, and the like; which delusions some have been carried away with. Nor did it rise from a sordid selfish apprehension of her having any benefit whatsoever conferred on her, but from a view of his personal excellency and transcendent loveliness, which drew forth those vehement
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desires after him, and made her long to be “ absent from the body, that she might be present with the Lord.”
The attendants of this ravishing comfort were such as abundantly discovered its spring to be divine, and that it was truly a “ joy in the Holy Ghost.” Now she viewed divine truths as living realities; and could say, “ I know these things are so, I feel they are true.” Now her soul was resigned to the divine will in the most tender points; so that when I said to her, What if God should take away your husband* from you, (who was then very sick,) how do you think you could bear that? She replied, “ He belongs to to God, and not to me; he may do with him just what he pleases.” Now she had the most tender sense of the evil of sin, and discovered the utmost aversion to it; longing to die that she might be delivered from it. Now. she could freely trust her all with God for time and eternity. And when I queried with her, how she could be willing to die, and leave her little infant; and what she thought would become of it in case she should? She answered, “‘ God will take care of it, It belongs to him, he will take care of it.” Now she appeared to have the most humbling sense of her own meanness and unworthiness, her weakness and inability to preserve herself from sin, and to perseverve in the way of holiness, crying, “If I live, [ shall sin.” I thought 1 had never seen such an appearance of ecstasy and humility meeting in any one person in all my life before——The consequents of this joy are no less desirable and satisfactory than its attendants. She since appears to be a most tender, broken-hearted, affectionate, devout and humble Christian, as exemplary in life and conversion as any person in my congregation. May she still “ grow in grace, and in the knowledge of Christ.”
Mar. 10. Toward night the Indians met together of their own accord, and sang, prayed, and discoursed of divine things among themselves. There was much affection among them; some who are hopefully gracious, appeared to be melted with divine things; and others seemed much concerned for their souls. Perceiving their engagement and affection in religious exercises, I went among them and prayed, and gave a word of exhortation. 1 observed two or three somewhat affected and concerned, who scarcely
* The man particularly mentioned in my Journal of January 19,
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ever appeared to be under any religious impressions before. It seemed to be a time of divine power. Numbers retained the warm impressions of divine things that had been made upon their minds the day before.
Mar. 14. Was visited by a considerable number of my people, and spent some time in religious exercises with them..
Mar. 15. In the evening catechised: they answered the
questions put to them with surprising readiness and judgment. There appeared some warmth and feeling sense of Givine things among those whom I have reason to hope are real Christians, while I was discoursing upon ‘ peace of conscience, and joy ia the Holy Ghost.’ These seemed quickened and enlivened, though there was not so much apparent concern among those whom I have reason to think in a Christless state.. Lord's day, Mar. 16. Preached to my congregation from Heb. ii. 1—3. Divine truth seemed to have considerable influence upon many of the hearers, and produced many tears, as well as heavy sighs and sobs, among both those who have given evidence of being real Christians, and others also. And the impressions. made upon the audience appeared in general deep and heart-affecting, not noisy or superficial—Towards night discoursed on ‘ the great salvation.” The word was again attended with some power upon the audience. Numbers wept affectionately, and to appear ance unfeignedly; so that the Spirit of God seemed to be moving upon the face of the assembly.
Baptized the woman particularly mentioned in my Journal of last Lord’s day; who now, as well as then, appeared to be in a devout, humble and excellent frame of mind. My house being thronged with people in the evening, I spent the time in religious exercises with them, till my nature was almost spent. They are so unwearied in religious exercises, and unsatiable in their thirsting after Christian knowledge, thet I can sometimes scarcely avoid Jabouring so as greatly to exhaust my strength and spirits. _
Mar. 19. Several persons went with me to the Forks of Delaware in February last, having been detained there by the dangerous illness of one of their company, did not return home till this day. My people immediately met together of - their own accord, in order to spend some time in religious