CHAPTER V His mother’s lament
CHAPTER V
His mother’s lament
10. But the continual appeals of my mother prevented me from granting him this favour, or rather, from receiving this gift from him. For when she perceived that I designed this, she took me by the hand, and led me into the apartment assigned to her; and having seated me near the couch whereon she had travailed with me, she shed fountains of tears, and added words more piteous than tears, lamenting to me in this wise:—
11. “I, my child,” said she, “was not long permitted to enjoy the virtue of your father, for so it pleased God, since his death which succeeded the pains I bore for you, brought orphanhood upon you, and untimely widowhood upon me, and the horrors of widowhood, which only they who suffer can rightly understand.
12. No language could describe the storm and tempest which a damsel endures, who has but just come from her father’s house, and is practically inexperienced,—when she is suddenly smitten with unbearable grief, and compelled to undertake anxieties too great for her age and sex.
13. She must, I suppose, encounter the slothfulness of domestics, and keep an eye upon their misdeeds, ward off the plots of relatives, and bravely bear the insults of those who levy the public taxes, and their cruelty in the imposition of tribute.
14. And, moreover, if the dead should leave a child when he departs, and it happens to be a girl, even this will cause the mother much anxiety; severed, although it is, from expense and fear. But a son fills her every day with ten thousand fears, and still more anxieties, for I leave out the outlay of money which she is forced to submit to, if she desires to bring him up respectably.
15. Still, none of these things persuaded me to contract a second marriage, and to bring another bridegroom into your father’s house; but I persisted in my tumult and trouble, and did not retreat from the iron furnace of widowhood, for I was specially supported by an influence from above.
16. And it brought me no slight comfort in these sad trials, to look continually in your face, and to observe the living image of him that was dead, and one fashioned so much like him. On this account, while you were yet a child, and had not even learned to talk, when especially children delight their parents, you yielded me great comfort.
17. Neither was it in your power to say and complain, that I endured my widowhood nobly, and yet diminished your paternal estate through the requirements of that widowhood, as I know has happened to many, who have unfortunately become orphans; for I have preserved all this untouched. Yet I have omitted nothing that ought to have been expended to your advantage, but have paid for it out of my own property, and with what I had when I left my home.
18. Do not suppose that in saying this I am finding fault; but in return for all these things I ask one favour of you,—not to involve me in a second widowhood, nor to kindle again the grief which now smoulders, but to wait for my decease. Perhaps after a short time I shall depart.
19. For there is a hope that the young may come to distant old age; but we who are old, await nothing but death.
20. When, therefore, you have committed me to the earth, and have mingled my bones with your father’s, undertake long journeys, and sail over what seas you choose. Then there will be no one to hinder you. But while I have breath, bear to reside with me. Do not offend God idly and for nought, by involving in so great ills me who have done you no wrong.
21. If, indeed, you have to complain that I entangle you in worldly cares, and compel you to manage my concerns, do not respect the laws of nature, nor your rearing, nor intimacy, nor anything else, but flee from me as a traitress and a foe. But if I do all I can to provide much leisure for you in your journey through this life, even though nothing else should, let this bond retain you with me.
22. For if you say that thousands love you, not one will enable you to enjoy so much liberty; because there is no one whose concern for your advantage will equal mine.”