CHAPTER XII Examples to show that sorrow and fear are caused by the anticipation of the priestly office
CHAPTER XII
Examples to show that sorrow and fear are caused by the anticipation of the priestly office
You see then how abundantly God declares that he exacts a far greater penalty from the ruler than from the ruled. For He who punishes more than others the daughter of a priest on his account, will by no means inflict upon him who is the cause of additional torments to her, the same punishment as upon others, but one far greater.
577. And assuredly this is right. For the mischief does not involve merely himself, but casts down the souls of the more feeble and of such as look up to him.
578. Ezekiel also, wishing to show this, distinguishes between the judgment of the rams and that of the sheep.
579. Do you not think I had reason to cherish fear? For in addition to what has been mentioned, although much effort is required of me even now that I be not altogether mastered by the passions of my soul, nevertheless I endure the toils, and fly not from the contest.
580. Even now indeed, I am liable to be caught by vain-glory, but I often recover myself, and I understand that I am caught, and sometimes also I rebuke my soul which has been enslaved.
581. Even now unreasonable desires assail me, but they kindle a feebler flame, for my outward eyes cannot obtain fuel for the fire.
582. I am altogether exempt from speaking ill of any one, and of hearing him spoken ill of when none are present to converse with me, for these walls cannot utter a word.
583. But I cannot similarly avoid anger, even when there are none to provoke me; for oftentimes the recollection of unreasonable men, and of what is done by them comes over me, and causes my heart to swell, but not in an extreme degree, for I at once subdue its commotion, and persuade it to be quiet, by saying, it is a great calamity and extremely wretched to neglect one’s own faults, and to be busied about those of my neighbours. But if I came among the multitude, and were involved in countless excitements, I should not be able to profit by this admonition, nor to find considerations for my instruction.
584. But as they who are thrust down precipices by some torrent or otherwise, can foresee the destruction in which they will come to an end, but can discover no assistance, so if I should fall into a great tumult of passions, I could see my punishment increasing every day, but I could not as now control myself, and it would no longer be easy for me as before to rebuke those afflictions which would rage on every side.
585. For my mind is weak and small, and easily conquered, not only by these affections, but by envy the most bitter of all, and it knows not how to bear with moderation either rebuffs or honours, but it is excessively lifted up by the latter, and cast down by the former.
586. Therefore, as wild beasts while in health and vigour, prevail over those who attack them, especially if they are weak and unskilful, but if any one should macerate them by hunger, he would appease their fury, and extinguish most of their strength, so that even he who is not very courageous might undertake a contest and war against them; so is it with the affections of the soul,—he who renders them feeble subjects them to right reason, but he who carefully cherishes them, ordains for himself a fiercer battle with them, and renders them so terrible that he lives all his time in bondage and in fear.
587. What then is the food of these wild beasts?—of vain-glory, honours and praises; of pride, greatness of power and authority; of envy, the good fame of neighbours; of avarice, the liberality of the benevolent; of intemperance, luxury and constant interviews with women; and so of the rest.
588. Now if I come into public life all these will assail me, rend my soul, be a terror to me, and cause my war with them to be more difficult. And even while I remain in private they will be subdued only with great violence; but still, by the grace of God they will be subdued, and nothing will be left to them but their howling.
589. For these reasons I keep to this domicile, I do not go out, I keep no company, I have no associates, and I bear to hear a thousand rebukes which I would gladly clear away, and am pained and grieved because I cannot. For it would not be easy for me to be conversant with men, and at the same time to abide in my present security. Wherefore I beseech you to pity rather than scold one who is involved in so great a difficulty.
590. But I have not persuaded you yet. It remains therefore that I should make known to you that which alone I have left unspoken. Perhaps indeed, it will seem incredible to many, but I shall not on this account feel ashamed to bring it forward. If what I say is proof of an evil conscience, and of innumerable sins, yet since God, who is to judge me, knows all things perfectly, what more can befall me through the ignorance of men?
591. What then is it which I have left unspoken? From the very day on which you aroused in me this apprehension, my body has often been in peril of complete dissolution, so great the fear, and so great the sorrow which possessed my soul.
592. For considering the glory of the Spouse of Christ, her holiness, her spiritual beauty, her wisdom, and her comeliness, and meditating upon my own failings, I have never ceased to lament over both her and myself; and constantly groaning and perplexed I have said to myself:
593. Who then has counselled this? Wherein has the Church of God sinned so much? What has so provoked her Lord that she should be committed to me the most unworthy of all, and should sustain so much disgrace?
594. Often reasoning thus with myself, and unable to bear even the idea of anything so wrong, I have lain speechless like men paralyzed, and able neither to hear nor see. When this great prostration has left me, for it has sometimes been intermitted, tears and sorrow have succeeded, and after an abundance of tears, fear has again occupied me, troubling, disturbing, and agitating my mind.
595. In such tumult have I spent the time which has elapsed. But you knew it not, and thought I lived in peace. Well, I will now try to reveal to you the tempest of my soul; for you will perhaps dismiss your accusations, and at length forgive me. How then pray, how shall I discover it to you? If you would see it clearly, there is no other course than that I should lay my very heart bare. But because this cannot be, I will endeavour as well as I can to describe to you by some faint image the shadow of my grief; but from that image infer my grief alone.
596. Let us suppose that the betrothed of any one is the daughter of the king of all that lies beneath the sun; that this damsel has indescribable beauty, transcending that of human nature, and herein surpassing by a long interval the whole race of women; that she has such virtue of soul as to leave very far behind the entire race of men, both those who are and those who ever shall be; that she excels all the rules of philosophy in the comeliness of her manners, and that she eclipses all the grace of her person by the loveliness of her countenance.
597. (Let us suppose) her suitor not to be enamoured of the virgin on these accounts alone, but to have affection for her irrespectively of them, and that in his passion he outvies the most infatuated lovers that ever were.
598. Then (let us suppose) that while he is inflamed by this charm, he hears somehow that the admired and loved one is about to be taken in marriage by some mean reprobate of low condition, deformed in person, and the most wretched of all who live.
599. Have I suggested to you some small portion of my sorrow? Is it enough to conclude my comparison here? With respect to my grief I think it is enough; and for this cause only have I introduced it. But that I may show you the measure of my fear and astonishment, let me again proceed to another picture.
600. Let there be an armament consisting of infantry, and cavalry, and marines: let a multitude of ships cover the sea; and let the phalanxes of infantry and cavalry cover many plains and the tops of the mountains:
601. Let their brazen weapons flash in the sun, and let the glittering of their helmets and spears be reflected by the beams which they emit: let the clashing of the spears, and the neighing of the horses be borne to heaven itself: let neither land nor sea be visible, but brass and steel everywhere.
602. Let enemies be arrayed against them,—men wild and fierce; and let the hour of conflict be imminent.
603. Then let some one seize at once a stripling from among those brought up in the country, and understanding nothing but a shepherd’s pipe and crook; and let him be armed with brazen armour.
604. Let him be led round all the host, and shown the battalions and their officers, the archers, the slingers, the captains, the generals, the infantry, the cavalry, the spearmen, the ships and their commanders, the marines thronging on board; and the multitude of warlike engines stored in the vessels.
605. Let him see the whole battle array of the enemy, and their dreadful aspect, the extraordinary supply and countless number of their weapons, the ravines, and steep precipices, and the ruggedness of the mountains.
606. Let him see among the enemies horses flying by some enchantment, and infantry carried through the air, and the power and form of every kind of sorcery.
607. Let him reckon up the accidents of war, the cloud of arrows, the shower of darts, the great mist and obscurity, the darkest night—which the multitude of missiles causes, hiding by their numbers the solar rays,—the dust which blinds men’s eyes not less than darkness itself, the torrents of blood, the groans of the fallen, the shouts of the surviving, the heaps of the prostrate, wheels baptized with blood, horses with their riders thrown headlong down by the multitude of those who lie dead, the ground with everything in confusion,—blood, bows, and darts, horses’ hoofs and men’s heads lying together, an arm and a wheel, a greave and a cloven breast, brains besmeared on swords, the point of a spear broken off, and with an eye transfixed upon it!
608. Let him then enumerate the sufferings of the fleet,—ships burning in the midst of the waters, and sinking with their soldiery, the roar of the waters, the clamour of the sailors, the shouting of the soldiers, the foam mixed up of waves and blood, and at the same time dashing into all the ships,—the dead upon the decks, the drowning, the swimming, dashed upon the rocks, swallowed up by the waves, and obstructing the courses of the vessels.
609. And when such a one has carefully learned all the horrors of war, let him add thereto the terrors of bondage, and slavery worse than any death.
610. When he has been told all this, let him be bidden forthwith to mount his horse, and command all that armament.
611. Think you the stripling could bear the lesson merely, and would not lose heart at once and at the first glance?