Chapter 7 — Duties of Children to Parents
Children also have a duty to their parents, which they are bound both by the law of God and nature conscientiously to observe: 'Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right.' And again, 'Children, obey your parents in all things; for this is pleasing to the Lord' (Eph 6:1; Col 3:20).
There are general things in which children should show their parents the honour they are due
First, They should always count them better than themselves. I have noticed a vile spirit among some children; they tend to look down on their parents, and to have slighting and scornful thoughts of them. This is worse than heathen; such a one has got just the heart of a dog or a beast, that will bite those that fathered them, and her that bore them.
Object. But my father, etc., is now poor, and I am rich, and it will be a hindrance to me, to show that respect to him as otherwise I might.
Answer. I tell you you talk like an atheist and a beast, and stand in this right against the Son of God (Mark 7:9-13). Must money, and a little of the glory of the butterfly, mean that you shall not honour your father and mother? 'A wise son makes a glad father: but a foolish man despises his mother' (Prov 15:20). Though your parents be never so low, and you yourself never so high, yet he is your father, and she your mother, and you must hold them in great esteem: 'The eye that mocks at his father, and refuses to obey his mother, shall be picked out by the ravens of the valley, and the young eagles shall eat it' (Prov 30:17). Second, You should show honour to your parents, by being willing to help them with what they need. 'If any have children or nephews, let them learn to show piety at home, and to repay their parents:' says Paul, 'for that is good and acceptable before God' (1 Tim 5:4). Joseph observed this rule to his poor father, though he himself was next to the king in Egypt (Gen 47:12; 41:39-44). But mark, let them 'repay their parents.' There are three things for which, as long as you live, you will be a debtor to your parents.
1. For your being in this world. They are they from whom, immediately under God, you received it. 2. For their care to you when you were helpless, and could not care for yourself. 3. For the pains they have taken with you to bring you up. Until you have children of your own, you will not know the pains, watchings, fears, sorrow, and affliction, that they have had to bring you up; and when you know it, you will not easily feel that you have repaid enough. How often have they fed you and clothed you? What care have they taken, that you might have what you need to live and do well when they were dead and gone? They possibly have spared it from their own belly and back for you, and have also impoverished themselves, that you might live like a man. All these things you should duly, and like a man, consider; and you should take care to repay them. The Scripture says so, reason says so, and only dogs and beasts deny it. It is the duty of parents to lay up for their children; and the duty of children to repay their parents.
Third, Show, by all humble and son-like attitude, that you do to this day, with your heart, remember the love of your parents. Thus much for obedience to parents in general.
Again, if your parents be godly, and you wicked, (as you are, if you have not a second work or birth from God), then consider that you are more strongly engaged to respect and honour your parents, not now only as a father in the flesh, but as godly parents; your father and mother are now made of God your teachers and instructors in the way of righteousness. So, to refer to Solomon, 'My son, keep your father's commandment, and forsake not the law of your mother; bind them continually on your heart, and tie them about your neck' (Prov 6:20, 21).
Now, to provoke you to it, consider,
1. This has always been the practice of those who are and have been obedient children; yes, of Christ himself to Joseph and Mary, though he himself was God blessed for ever (Luke 2:51). 2. You have also the severe judgements of God on those that have been disobedient, to awe you. As, (1) Ishmael, for mocking one good attitude of his father and mother, was both thrust out of his father's inheritance and the kingdom of heaven, and that with God's approval (Gen 21:9-14; Gal 4:30). (2) Hophni and Phinehas, for refusing the good advice of their father, provoked the great God to be their enemy: 'They did not listen to the voice of their father, for it was the will of the Lord to slay them' (1 Sam 2:23-25). (3) Absalom was hanged, as I may say, by God himself, for rebelling against his father (2 Sam 18:9). Besides, little do you know how heart-aching a thought it is to your parents, when they think you may be damned! How many prayers, sighs, and tears, are there wrung from their hearts on this account? Every misdeed of yours goes to their heart, for fear God should be caused to shut you up in hardness for ever. How did Abraham groan for Ishmael? 'O,' says he, to God, 'that Ishmael might live before you!' (Gen 17:18). How were Isaac and Rebecca grieved for the misdeeds of Esau? (Gen 26:34, 35). And how bitterly did David mourn for his son, who died in his wickedness? (2 Sam 18:32, 33).
Lastly, And can any imagine, but that all these characteristics of your godly parents, will mean the increase of your torments in hell, if you die in your sins?
Again, if your parents, and you also, are godly, how happy a thing is this? How should you rejoice, that the same faith should dwell both in your parents and you? Your conversion, possibly, is the fruits of your parents' groans and prayers for your soul; and they can only rejoice; you rejoice with them. It is true, in the salvation of a natural son, which is mentioned in the parable: 'This my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found. And they began to be merry' (Luke
15:24). So let this thought, that your parents have grace, as well as you, cause your heart so much the more to honour, reverence, and obey them.
You are better able now to consider the pains and care that your friends have taken, both for your body and soul; so seek to repay them. You are able to respond in some measure: so do not neglect it. It is a double sin in a gracious son not to remember the commandment, the first commandment with promise (Eph 6:1, 2). Be careful not to give your sweet parents one sharp word, or bad attitude. Love them because they are your parents, because they are godly, and because you must be in glory with them.
If you are godly, and your parents wicked, as often it sadly happens; then,
1. Let your heart yearn towards them; it is your parents that are going to hell! 2. As I said before to the wife about her unbelieving husband, so I say to you, Avoid a chattering tongue: speak to them wisely, meekly, and humbly; serve them faithfully without losing heart; and endure, with all respect, their criticisms, their accusing and evil speaking. Look out for opportunities to lay their condition before them. O! how happy a thing would it be, if God should use a child to bring his father to the faith! Then indeed might the father say, God has used my child to convert my soul. The Lord, if he wishes, can convert our poor parents, that they, with us, may be the children of God.