Chapter 4 — Duty of Parents to Children
If you are a parent, then consider your calling under this heading.
Your children have souls, and they must be born of God as well as of you, or they perish. And know also, that unless you are very careful in your behaviour to and before them, they may perish through you: the thoughts of which should provoke you, both to instruct, and also to correct them.
First, Instruct them as the scripture says, and 'bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord'; do this diligently, 'when you sit in your house, when you lie down, and when you rise up' (Eph 6:4; Deut 6:7).
Now to do this effectively:
1. Do it in simple language: be clear, for many words will drown your children. Thus God spoke to his children (Hosea 12:10), and Paul to his (1 Cor 3:2). 2. Be careful not to fill their heads with theories and useless knowledge, for this will more likely teach them to be opinionated and proud than sober and humble. So explain to them the state of man by nature; talk of sin, death and hell; of a crucified Saviour, and the promise of life through faith: 'Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it' (Prov 22:6). 3. There must be much gentleness and patience in all your instructions, 'lest they be discouraged' (Col. 3:21). And, 4. Seek to convince them by sensible thought that the things you speak of are not fables, but realities; yes, and realities so far above what can be here enjoyed, that all things, were they a thousand times better than they are, are not worthy to be compared with the glory and worthiness of these things.
Isaac was so holy before his children, that when Jacob remembered God, he remembered that he was 'the Fear of his father Isaac' (Gen
31:53). Ah! when children can think of their parents, and bless God for that instruction and good they have received from them, this is not only profitable for children, but honourable, and encouraging to parents: 'The father of the righteous shall greatly rejoice: and he who fathers a wise child shall receive joy' (Prov 23:24, 25).
Second, The duty of correction.
1. See if gentle words will win them from evil. This is God's way with his children (Jer 25:4, 5). 2. Let those words you speak to them in your reproof be both sober, few, and relevant, adding always some suitable sentence of the scripture; eg, if they lie, then such as (Rev 21:8, 27). If they refuse to hear the word, such as (2 Chron 25:14-16). 3. Be careful that they do not associate with wild and ungodly children; showing with soberness a continual dislike of their foolishness; often crying out to them, as God did of old to his, 'Oh, do not this abominable thing that I hate' (Jer 44:4). 4. Let all this is mixed with such love, pity, and tenderness of spirit, that if possible they may be convinced you dislike not them, but their sins. This is God's way (Psa 99:8). 5. Seek often to cause them to consider the day of their death, and judgement to come. Thus also God deals with his children (Deut 32:29). 6. If you are driven to the rod, strike carefully and coolly, and soberly show them, (1) their fault; (2) how much it is against your heart to deal with them in this way; (3) and that what you do, you do in obedience to God, and love to their souls; (4) and tell them, that if gentleness would have done, none of this severity would have happened. This, I have proved, will touch their hearts as well as their bodies; and as it is the way that God deals with us, it is the most likely to succeed.
7. Follow all this with prayer to God for them, and leave the outcome to him: 'Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him' (Prov 22:15).
Lastly, Observe these cautions,
1. Be careful that the misdeeds for which you correct your children are not learned from you. Many children are chastised for the misdeeds they have learned from their parents. 2. Be careful not to smile not on them, to encourage them in small faults, lest your attitude to them be an encouragement to them to commit greater. 3. Be careful not to shout at them in frustration while chastising them. 4. Be careful not to get them used to chiding words and threatenings, mixed with lightness and laughter; this will harden them. Speak not much, nor often, but relate to them soberly.