Chapter 3 — Duty in Relation to the Wife
Do you have a wife? You must consider how you should behave yourself in that role: and to do this right, you must consider the condition of your wife, whether she truly believes or not. First, If she believes, then,
1. You are committed to bless God for her: 'For her price is far above rubies, and she is the gift of God to you, and is for your adorning and glory' (Prov 12:4; 31:10; 1 Cor 11:7). 'Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that fears the Lord shall be praised' (Prov 31:30).
2. You should love her, for two reason:
(1) As she is your flesh and your bone: 'For no man ever yet hated his own flesh' (Eph 5:29).
(2) As she is together with you an heir of the grace of life (1 Peter 3:7). This, I say, should draw you to love her with Christian love; to love her, as believing that you both are dearly beloved of God and the Lord Jesus Christ, and as those that will be together with him in eternal happiness. 3. You should so behave yourself with her, as Christ does with his church; so says the apostle: So should men love their wives, 'even as Christ loved the church, and gave himself for it' (Eph 5:25). When husbands truly behave like husbands, then will they be not only husbands, but such a provision of God to the wife, as will preach to her the attitude of Christ to his spouse. There is a sweet scent wrapped up in the relationships of husbands and wives that believe (Eph 4:32); the wife, I say, signifying the church, and the husband her head and saviour, 'For the husband is the head of the wife, just as Christ is the head of the church' (Eph 5:23). and he is the Saviour of the body.
This is one of God's chief aims in instituting marriage, that Christ and his church, as a parable, might be seen wherever there is a couple that believe through grace. So the husband that behaves foolishly towards his wife does not only break this rule, but also makes his wife lose the benefit of such a plan, and spoils the mystery of his relationship with her.
So I say, 'So should men love their wives as their own bodies. He that loves his wife, loves himself. For no man ever yet hated his own body; but nourishes and cherishes it, even as the Lord the church:' (Eph 5: 8, 29). Christ laid down his life for his church, covers her weaknesses, communicates to her his wisdom, protects her, and helps her in her life in this world; and so men should do for their wives. Solomon and Pharaoh's daughter had to do this, as you may see in the book of Canticles. So bear with their weaknesses, help their infirmities, and honour them as the weaker vessels, and those of a frailer constitution (1 Peter 3:7).
In a word, be such a husband to your believing wife, that she may say; God has not only given me a husband, but such a husband as preaches to me every day the attitude of Christ to his church.
Second, If your wife is unbelieving or fleshly, then you have also a duty, for two reasons:
1. Because she is liable every moment to eternal damnation.
2. That she is your wife that is in this evil situation.
Oh! how little sense of the worth of souls is there in the heart of some husbands; as is shown by their unchristian attitude to and before their wives! Now, to gain a suitable attitude,
1. Labour seriously after a sense of her miserable state, that your heart may yearn for her soul. 2. Beware that she has no cause, from any bad attitude of yours, to do wrong. And here you have need to double your diligence, for she lies in your bosom, and therefore is capable of seeing the least bad attitude in you. 3. If she behaves herself badly and unruly, as she is likely to, being Christless and graceless, then seek to overcome her evil with goodness, her recklessness with patience and meekness. It is a shame for you, who have another principle, to do as she does. 4. Take your opportunities to convince her. Observe her, and when she is most likely to hear, then speak to her heart. 5. When you speak, speak to the point. Few words will suffice, provided they be relevant. Job in a few words answers his wife, and stops her foolish talking: 'You speak,' says he, 'as one of the foolish women. What? shall we receive good at the hand of God, and shall we not receive evil?' (Job 2:10).
6. Let all be done without bitterness, or the least appearance of anger: 'In meekness instructing those that oppose, if perhaps they may escape the snare of the devil, who are taken captive by him at his will' (2 Tim 2:25, 26). 'And how do you know, O man, whether you shall save your wife' (1 Cor 7:16).