Chapter 2 — Duties of the Master of a Family
If you are responsible for a family, then you are to consider the different roles you have; and realise that you have a work to do for God in each of them, and that he expects you to do every one of them faithfully. So;
DUTY TO THE FAMILY IN GENERAL. He that is the master of a family, he has, in that respect, a work to do for God; that is, the right governing of his own family. And his work is twofold. First, Regarding the spiritual state of it. Second, Regarding the outward state of it.
First, As concerning the spiritual state of his family; he should be very diligent and careful, doing his utmost both to increase faith where it is begun, and to begin it where it is not. So, with this in mind, he should diligently and often lay before his household such things of God, out of his word, as are suitable for each aspect. And let no man question his obligation in the word of God for such a practice; for if the thing itself were only useful, as tending to civil honesty, it is within the capability of anyone, and should be done; much more things of a higher nature; besides, the apostle exhorts us 'Whatever things are honest, whatever things are just, pure, lovely, and of good report, think of them,' that is, be mindful to do them (Phil 4:8). But to be experienced in this godly exercise in our family is very worthy of praise, and befits all Christians. This is one of the things for which God so highly commended his servant Abraham, which so much affected his heart. I know Abraham, says God, 'I know him' to be a good man indeed, for 'he will command his children, and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of the Lord' (Gen 18:19). This was also something that good Joshua designed should be his practice all his life. 'As for me,' says he, I 'and my household, we will serve the Lord' (Josh 24:15).
Further, we find also in the New Testament, that those who do not apply themselves to this duty are considered substandard Christians; yes, so substandard as not fit to be chosen to any office in the church of God. A pastor must be one that rules his own house well, having his children in subjection with all seriousness; For if a man knows not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the church of God? 'The deacon' also, says he, must 'be the husband of one wife, ruling their children, and their own house well' (1 Tim 3). Note, the apostle seems to lay down thus much, that a man that governs his family well has one qualification for a pastor or deacon in the house of God, for he who knows not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the church of God? which gives us insight into the work of the master of a family, concerning the governing of his house.
1. A pastor must be sound and uncorrupt in his teaching; and indeed so must the master of a family (Titus 1:9; Eph 6:4). 2. A pastor should be able to teach, to reprove, and to exhort; and so should the master of a family (1 Tim 3:2; Deut 6:7). 3. A pastor must himself be exemplary in faith and holiness; and so should the master of a family (1 Tim 3:2-4; 4:12). 'I,' says David, 'will behave myself in a perfect way; I will walk in my house with a perfect heart' (Psa 101:2). 4. The pastor gets the church together; and when they are so come together, prays among them, and preaches to them. This is also commendable in Christian masters of families.
Object. But my family is ungodly and unruly. What shall I do?
Answer. 1. Even if this is true, you must still rule them, and not they you! You are set over them by God, and you are to use the authority which God has given you, both to rebuke their vice, and to show them the evil of their rebelling against the Lord. Eli did this, though not enough; so did David (1 Sam 2:24, 25; 1 Chron 28:9). Also, you must tell them how sad your state was when you were in their condition, and so seek to save them from the snare of the devil (Mark 5:19). 2. You should also labour to bring them to public worship, for God may convert their souls there. Jacob said to his household, and to all around him, 'Let us arise and go up to Bethel; and I will make there an altar to God, who answered me in the day of my distress' (Gen 35:3). Hannah carried Samuel to Shiloh, that he might abide with God for ever (1 Sam 1:22). Indeed a soul rightly touched, will seek to draw, not only their families, but a whole city after Jesus Christ (John 4:28-30). 3. If they are obstinate, and will not go with you, then you get godly and sound men to your house, and let the word of God be preached there, when you have, as Cornelius, gathered your family and friends together (Acts 10).
You know that the jailor, Lydia, Crispus, Gaius, Stephanus, and others, had not only themselves, but their families, saved by the word preached, and that some of them, if not all, by the word preached in their houses (Acts 16:14-34; 18:7, 8; 1 Cor 1:16). And this, for all I know, might be one reason why the apostles taught in their day not only publicly, but from house to house, so that they might, if possible, bring in those in some family, which remained unconverted, and in their sins (Acts 10:24; 20:20, 21). For some, you know how usual it was in the day of Christ, to invite him to their houses, if they had any afflicted, that either would not or could not come to him (Luke 7:2, 3; 8:41). If this is the way with those who have outward diseases in their families, how much more where there are souls who need Christ to save them from death and damnation! 4. Be careful not to neglect family duties among them yourself; as, reading the word and prayer; if you have one in your family that is gracious, take encouragement; nay, if you are alone, yet know that you have both liberty to go to God through Christ, and also are at that time in a capacity of having the universal church join with you for the whole number of those that shall be saved. 5. Be careful not to allow any ungodly, profane or heretical books, or talk in your house. 'Evil conversations corrupt good manners' (1 Cor 15:33). I mean such profane or heretical books as either tend to provoke to looseness of life, or oppose the fundamentals of the gospel. I know that Christians must be allowed their liberty as to peripheral things; but for those things that strike either at faith or holiness, they should be abandoned by all Christians, and especially by the pastors of churches, and masters of families; this was prefigured by Jacob, who commanded his household, and all with him, to put away the strange gods from among them, and to change their garments (Gen 35:2). All those in the Acts set a good example for this, who took their magic books and burned them before all men, though they were worth fifty thousand pieces of silver (Acts 19:18, 19). The neglect of this fourth detail has caused ruin in many families, both among children and servants. It is easier for vain talkers, and their deceitful works, to corrupt whole households, than many are aware of (Titus 1:10, 11). Thus much concerning the spiritual state of your household. And now to its outward.
Regarding the outward state of your family, consider these three things.
1. It is your responsibility to ensure they have what they need. 'If any man provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he has denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel' (1 Tim 5:8). But when the Word says, you are to provide for your house, it gives you no license to worry; neither does it allow you grasp the world in your heart, or purse, nor to worry about the future, but so to provide for them, that they may have food and raiment; and if either they or you are not content with that, you are going beyond the rule of God (1 Tim 6:8; Matt 6:34). This is to labour, that you may have enough 'to maintain good works for necessary uses' (Titus 3:14). And never object, that unless you get more, it will not suffice; for that is only unbelief. The word says, 'God feeds ravens, cares for sparrows, and clothes the grass;' which three, to feed, clothe, and care for, is as much as heart can wish for (Luke 12:6-28).
2. So, though you should provide for your family; yet letl your labour be mixed with moderation; 'Let your moderation be known to all men' (Phil 4:5). Avoid driving so hard after this world, as to hinder yourself and family from those duties towards God, which you are by grace obliged to; as private prayer, reading the scriptures, and Christian meetings. It is a degrading thing for men to give themselves and families to this world so much that they separate their heart from God's worship. Christians, 'The time is short: so let those who have wives be as though they had none; and those who weep, as though they wept not; and those who rejoice, as though they rejoiced not; and those who use this world, as not using it wrongly; for the fashion of this world passes away' (1 Cor 7:29-31). Many Christians live and do in this world as if religion were a side issue, and this world the only necessity; when all the things of this world are passing away; and religion is all that is necessary (Luke 10:40-42).
3. If you wish to be such a master of a family, you must ensure that there is such Christian harmony there as befits a house ruled by one who fears God.
(1) You must look that your children and servants obey the word of God; for though only God can rule the heart, yet he expects that you should rule their outward man; if you do not, he may in a short time cut them all off (1 Sam 3:11-14). So make sure that you keep them temperate in all things, in clothing, in language, that they are not greedy, or drinkers; not letting your children domineer over your servants, or to relate foolishly towards each other.
(2) Learn to distinguish between injustice in your family done to you, and what is done to God; and though you should be very zealous for the Lord, and to bear nothing that is disobedience to him; yet here will be your wisdom, to pass by personal offence, and forget: 'Love covers a multitude of sins.' Do not be like those who rage like madmen when they are offended; but laugh, or do not soberly rebuke and warn, when God is dishonoured. 'Rule your own house well, having your children with others in your family in subjection, with all seriousness' (1 Tim 3:4). Solomon was so excellent sometimes this way, that he dazzled the eyes of his beholders (2 Chron 9:3, 4). But to come to details.