Getting Personal: A Time for Confession
Chapter Two
Satan Speaks
Now the
serpent . . . said to the woman . . .
(Gen. 3:1)
IT started out as a great day. The weather was as wonderful as we had hoped it would be, and we had just had a nice family breakfast together. I was looking forward to the day. We were going to leave for the activity we had planned in about two hours, so I was using the time to do some reading. But my teenaged daughter and my youngest son seemed to be more at each other’s throats than usual. I was listening to the verbal back-and-forth escalate, growing more irritated with each moment. I sat there steaming with the book in my hand, but I refused to intervene. I don’t have to deal with this today, I reasoned. This is my day off. I even wondered why my wife didn’t do something. Didn’t she hear what was going on?
Then my son ran into the bathroom with my daughter chasing him. They began to push with all their might on either side of the door, and I came to the end of my rope. I got up, not with a godly sense of parental purpose, but with a heart full of anger and self-pity. Didn’t they know what my life is like? Didn’t they know how hard I worked for them? Didn’t they realize how important this day was to me? Couldn’t they see I was trying to read? Couldn’t they figure out that this was the kind of stuff that wrecks days like this? My daughter was the older, so why didn’t she put a stop to it? Why did she have to be so stubborn?
In that spirit I got up and marched toward the scene. I saw my daughter first. I spoke to her out of my sense that I had been personally wronged, that she was wrecking my day, and that she didn’t seem to care. I gave her the “I do and do for you and this is the thanks I get, why don’t you grow up for once?” speech. My words were accusatory and harsh, born more out of a love for myself than for her. They were not spoken to accomplish what God wanted in that moment, but what I wanted. My daughter kept saying (as I talked on and on), “But Dad, you just don’t understand.” But I wasn’t there to understand. I was there to vent my irritation.
I left her room and threw myself angrily down on the couch to resume reading, but I could not concentrate. My conscience was troubled over the way I had handled things. No matter how hard I tried to justify myself, I could not lift the weight of conviction, which soon turned to remorse. When would I ever get it right? How could I know what I know and yet give in to this kind of communication? I cried out in prayer for forgiveness and help. It was, for me, one of those “O, wretched man that I am” moments. I finished praying and went to my daughter’s room to ask for her forgiveness.
Paradise Lost
If we are at all honest, we know that we do not live in the wonderful world of Genesis 1 any longer, where every word spoken was consistent with God’s standard and design. This is no doubt why you are reading this book. It is certainly what prompted me to write it. In the Garden of Eden, there were no sins of talk. What happened? Why has simple human communication become such an occasion of sin and struggle? Why is it so hard for us to speak as God designed?
As we try to develop a biblical understanding of communication, unfortunately we cannot stop at Genesis 1. While it is still true that God speaks and that everything we say is rooted in his words to us, there was another speaker in the Garden. His arrival began the great war of words we now fight daily.
Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the LORD God had made. He said to the woman, “Did God really say, ‘You must not eat from any tree in the garden’?”
The woman said to the serpent, “We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden, but God did say, ‘You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die.’”
“You will not surely die,” the serpent said to the woman. “For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.”
When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it. Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves.
Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the LORD God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the LORD God among the trees of the garden. But the LORD God called to the man, “Where are you?”
He answered, “I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid.”
And he said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from?”
The man said, “The woman you put here with me—she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it.”
Then the LORD God said to the woman, “What is this you have done?”
The woman said, “The serpent deceived me, and I ate.” (Gen. 3:1–13)
Into the perfect world of the Garden came the voice of the Serpent. For the first time, the position, the authority, and the very words of God were being challenged. For the first time, words were spoken that were not consistent with God’s standard and design. Satan spoke, and with his words the simple world of human communication became a confusing arena of sin and struggle. All of our trouble with talk has its roots here, in this dramatic moment of change in the Garden. In the world of communication, there are many trouble-generating “firsts” here.
Dramatic Change, Lasting Trouble
For the first time the authority of God is challenged. Until this moment, there were no verbal challenges to God’s authority on earth. The world God had made existed in complete submission to his authority and will. Adam and Eve were obediently living out their identity as God’s creatures, his image-bearers, and his resident managers on earth. All of their responses to God and their conversations with each other were carried out with unbroken submission to God. What took place in the moment the Serpent spoke is dramatic and unthinkable. Words were spoken that challenged God’s authority! The world would never be the same again.
Imagine what our lives would be like if all of our words were spoken out of perfect submission to God. How much less complicated our lives would be! Many of the problems we experience when talking with one another emerge from the fact that we have usurped the authority of God: We say what we want to say, when and how we want to say it. We speak as if we are in charge and as if we have the right to use words to advance our purpose, and to achieve what would make us happy. We speak as if we were God rather than his creatures, called to submit to his authority in every idle word we speak. The problem with the way I spoke to my daughter was that I entered the room as if I were God, rather than a man under God’s authority, with a heartfelt desire to see his will done in my life and my daughter’s.
Many Voices, Many Interpretations
In that moment in the Garden we also see an interpretation of life different from God’s for the first time. Recognize what Satan is doing here. He is taking the same set of facts that God interpreted for Adam and Eve and giving them a radically different spin. If his interpretation was believed, the listener would no longer think it was good, right, or necessary to obey God. In fact, one could say that if the Serpent’s interpretation were right, it would be stupid to continue to obey God. Never before on earth had there been an interpretation opposing God’s. Everything Adam and Eve understood about their world had been based on the interpretation God had given them.
Today we live in a confusing world of many interpretations. Most of them do not recognize the authority of God or operate with any desire to view life in a way that is consistent with his Word. This raises an extremely important point: you and I do not respond to the people or circumstances of our lives on the basis of the facts. Our responses are based on the way we interpret those facts. When I went to speak to my daughter, I was not responding simply to what had happened, but to the interpretation I had made about it. My interpretation, unfortunately, was selfish and self-righteous. I looked at my children’s misbehavior only from the vantage point of all that I wanted and all that I had done. I did not even consider God’s perspective on the situation. When I did, I was filled with conviction and remorse.
Many of our problems with words would be solved if we simply paused and asked ourselves how God would evaluate and respond to the present situation. We just let our thoughts run without challenging them. But if our interpretation of events is wrong, our words will not be right.
This is a principle that we do not want to miss: Word problems are often interpretation problems. We do not say the right thing because we do not believe the right thing. This is what happened in the Garden. A Pandora’s box of trouble opened as, for the first time, Adam and Eve heard and believed an interpretation that was not consistent with God’s. Satan’s voice was the first of thousands of voices that would come to challenge what God has spoken.
When an enraged father stands over his teenaged son and says, “I don’t care what it takes—if it is the last thing I do, I’ll get you to respect me!” he has spoken words that stand in opposition to God’s words to him as a father. When a wife says to her husband, “In all my other relationships I am okay, but you make me so angry,” her words reflect an interpretation of her own anger that stands in opposition to what God says. When a worker says, “If he hadn’t given the job to her, I wouldn’t be so bitter,” his problem is not just his words, but the attitudes behind them. In each example, what is wrong is not just vocabulary and tone of voice, but a way of looking at life that does not agree with what God says is right and true. As we see in Genesis 3, word problems are often interpretation problems.
Listening to Lies
When the Serpent speaks in the Garden, there is another problem. For the first time, a lie is spoken. Until that moment, every conversation was perfectly, completely truthful. God’s words were utterly reliable, and life could be built upon them. Adam and Eve’s words to each other were trustworthy because they were consistent with the words of God. But here, shockingly, the Serpent purposely lies to advance his purpose. He is not mistaken; he has not forgotten what is true. He is not ignorant or lacking in understanding. He knows that what he is saying is untrue. That is why he says it! He does not want Adam and Eve to live in the light of truth or in obedience to God. He seeks to sell them a lie and he seeks to make that lie plausible.
It is, again, a moment of dramatic change. Good, godly communication is always dependent on truth. Lies, falsehood, and deception always subvert it. Lies not only distort facts, but they destroy the trust necessary for people to talk with one another. Every word we speak is rooted either in the truth or in a lie. Most of our communication problems come because we deceive, distort, and manipulate with our words. We reshape the facts to our advantage. We recast events, often to the point of convincing ourselves that our perspective is true. When I walked into my daughter’s room that morning, I was fully convinced that I was right in what I was about to do. But I had bought into a lie.
Accusations and Blame
The Serpent’s words brought about another first that day in the Garden: for the first time, people spoke against one another. Up to this point there had been no critical, condemning, angry words. There had been no accusations or put-downs, no throwing a person’s words or actions back in his or her face. Adam and Eve’s relationship was free of this for they were yet free of sin. But after they ate the fruit, we see a dramatic change not only in their relationship with God, but in their relationship with each other. When God asks Adam about eating the forbidden fruit, Adam is quick to accuse Eve. He does not stand with her, he does not protect her. He does not act as an intercessor and advocate, pleading her case to God. Rather, he stands aside, points a finger, and essentially says, “Blame her, God, she’s the one who got me into this mess.”
How much of our communication is about passing the blame to others! “You make me so angry!” “If you hadn’t
, then I wouldn’t have .” “I was never this way before I met you!” “Whenever you do that, I just can’t control myself.” “I was never this uptight before I had children.” “If you weren’t such a good cook, I wouldn’t have this weight problem.”
Who among us isn’t tempted to accuse and blame when the heat of responsibility is put on us? In times of difficulty, we often are more ready to assess blame than to seek solutions. Barely a day goes by without blame being on our lips or in our ears.
But there is another dimension to this problem. For the first time, words of accusation are spoken against God. When Adam is approached by God after he has eaten the fruit, he points the finger not only at Eve but at God. Adam says, “God, if you hadn’t given me this woman, none of this would have happened. God, it’s your fault; you created her and look what she has done to me now!” Just like Adam, when we blame people and situations for our problems, below the surface we are also making accusations against God.
When a husband says, “My wife makes me so angry!,” his finger is pointed not only at his wife but at God, who ordained the relationship. A person who says, “I would be more active in the ministries of my church if I didn’t have to work so hard to make ends meet,” is essentially saying, “God, it is your fault. If you would do a better job of providing for me, I could serve you in the way I really desire.” A parent who says, “I was much more relaxed and patient before I had children,” is actually blaming God for the parental burden that he finds overwhelming. At the Fall, the God who is to be loved, obeyed, and served became the scapegoat for the sins of his people. In much of our talk today we hear the same subtle accusations against God.
Words that challenge God’s authority, lies, false interpretations of life, accusations and blame against God and man all have their origin in this dramatic moment of change. Satan speaks, and as Adam and Eve act upon his words, the world of talk becomes a world of trouble. No longer do we simply reflect the image of God with our words; we also reflect the image of the Serpent. No longer do we consistently speak up to God’s standard; we often speak down to the Serpent’s. No longer are our words a faithful picture of God’s design; too often they picture Satan’s deceit. Talk is no longer easy or safe. Instead, we live in a world where lies manipulate, angry words wound, falsehood destroys, slander harms, condemnation tears down, and disrespectful words challenge the authorities God has set in place.
Who among us has not regretted things we have said as a parent, a spouse, a friend, a neighbor, or a worker? Which of us has not longed to snatch back our words—to somehow erase the tape—so that they would no longer exist in memory? Who among us has not had to go back repeatedly to our children, our spouses, or our friends to ask forgiveness for the things we said or for the way we said them?
A Restless Evil
James captures this world of trouble with dramatic words. He alerts us to the amount and significance of the damage that can be done through our words.
When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal. Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go. Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.
All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles, and creatures of the sea are being tamed and have been tamed by man, but no man can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.
With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be. Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? My brothers, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water. (James 3:3–12)
For James, the tongue is a “world of evil,” “corrupting the whole person,” and “setting the whole course of his life on fire.” He says it is like a bit, a rudder, a spark, and an untameable animal. With our talk, either we are imaging our Creator and Lord, or we are imaging the Serpent, Satan. Our words build and give life or they tear down and destroy. They are important.
The War of Words
Proverbs also depicts the war of words that is so much a part of life in the fallen world. Here are some representative passages:
Wisdom will save you from the ways of wicked men,
from men whose words are perverse. (2:12)
It will save you also from the adulteress,
from the wayward wife with her seductive words. (2:16)
If you have been trapped by what you said,
ensnared by the words of your mouth,
then do this, my son, to free yourself,
since you have fallen into your neighbor’s hands:
Go and humble yourself;
press your plea with your neighbor! (6:2–3)
There are six things the LORD hates,
seven that are detestable to him:
haughty eyes,
a lying tongue,
hands that shed innocent blood,
a heart that devises wicked schemes,
feet that are quick to rush into evil,
a false witness who pours out lies
and a man who stirs up dissension among brothers. (6:16–19)
With persuasive words she led him astray;
she seduced him with her smooth talk. (7:21)
When words are many, sin is not absent,
but he who holds his tongue is wise. (10:19)
The words of the wicked lie in wait for blood,
but the speech of the upright rescues them. (12:6)
A truthful witness gives honest testimony,
but a false witness tells lies.
Reckless words pierce like a sword,
but the tongue of the wise brings healing.
Truthful lips endure forever,
but a lying tongue lasts only a moment. (12:17–19)
A scoundrel plots evil,
and his speech is like a scorching fire.
A perverse man stirs up dissension,
and a gossip separates close friends. (16:28)
A wicked man listens to evil lips;
a liar pays attention to a malicious tongue. (17:4)
Arrogant lips are unsuited to a fool—
how much worse lying lips to a ruler! (17:7)
Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam;
so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out. (17:14)
He who loves a quarrel loves sin;
he who builds a high gate invites destruction. (17:19)
A fool finds no pleasure in understanding
but delights in airing his own opinions. (18:2)
The words of a gossip are like choice morsels;
they go down to a man’s inmost parts. (18:8)
The tongue has the power of life and death,
and those who love it will eat its fruit. (18:21)
A corrupt witness mocks at justice,
and the mouth of the wicked gulps down evil.
Penalties are prepared for mockers,
and beatings for the backs of fools. (19:28–29)
Better to live on a corner of the roof
than share a house with a quarrelsome wife. (21:9)
Drive out the mocker, and out goes strife;
quarrels and insults are ended. (22:10)
If you argue your case with a neighbor,
do not betray another man’s confidence,
or he who hears it may shame you
and you will never lose your bad reputation. (25:9–10)
Without wood a fire goes out;
without gossip a quarrel dies down.
As charcoal to embers and as wood to fire,
so is a quarrelsome man for kindling strife. (26:20–21)
A quarrelsome wife is like
a constant dripping on a rainy day;
restraining her is like restraining the wind
or grasping oil with the hand. (27:15–16)
He who rebukes a man will in the end gain more favor
than he who has a flattering tongue. (28:23)
Whoever flatters his neighbor
is spreading a net for his feet. (29:5)
Mockers stir up a city,
but wise men turn away anger. (29:8)
Do you see a man who speaks in haste?
There is more hope for a fool than for him. (29:20)
This is just a representative list of passages, yet the Proverbs pointedly depict the “world of evil” that is the tongue. This world is pictured in every book of Scripture. We need to humbly confess that there is trouble with our talk. The words of James and the Proverbs depict us. We have not spoken in a way that upholds God’s standard and design. We often have descended to the standard of the Father of Lies, the one who deceives, divides, and destroys—Satan himself.
We have laid traps with our mouths. We have seduced with our words. Our talk has stirred up dissension. We have said too much and spoken in haste. Our words have been reckless. We have given in to gossip and in our anger our words have been malicious. We have been quarrelsome. At times, we have delighted to air our own opinions. We have given in to mocking humor. We have betrayed the confidence of others with our words.
Genesis 3 and Our Words
What should we take away from our consideration of communication in Genesis 3? We must begin by humbly acknowledging that our words have their roots not only in the words of the Lord (Gen. 1), but also in the words of the Serpent (Gen. 3). With this admission we confess that our communication struggle is not primarily a struggle of technique, but a struggle of the heart. Our war of words is not with other people; it is a battle within. Will we speak in a way that images the Lord, the Great Speaker, or the Serpent, the Great Deceiver? Who will control our hearts and our words?
The war of words introduced in Genesis 1 and 3 is depicted throughout the rest of Scripture. We fight it daily in our own lives. Our words now divide, deceive, and destroy. They are a world of evil, causing a world of trouble. Talk is not cheap. Its cost is great.
How do we deal with this problem? Each of us needs to say, “Lord, these passages expose me. I admit that I have not always recognized that my words belong to you. I have not faithfully communicated according to your example and plan. I have claimed my words as my own, to be used for my own purpose. I have listened to the Great Deceiver and at many times and in many ways spoken more like him than you. I ask for your forgiveness and I plead for your help. I know that you alone are able to tame my tongue. I offer my talk back to you, that I may speak up to your standard and according to your design.”
And as we confess, we need to embrace the glorious promise of the gospel captured by Paul in 2 Corinthians 12:9: “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Nowhere is our weakness more dramatically revealed than in our struggle with words. But we need not despair. Christ has come. He has lived, died, and risen for us! In him we find not only forgiveness, but deliverance from sins of the heart that lead to sins of the tongue. In utter weakness, our hearts can be filled with joy as we reflect on the grandeur of Christ’s provision. In him our words find their hope.
Getting Personal:
A Time for Confession
Evaluate your world of talk. Are there places where your words have followed the pattern of the enemy more than the Lord? Take time to consider, pray, and confess. Confess to God and the people with whom you live and work.
1. Are there places where your words challenge the authority of God? (Seeking to take wrongful control, speaking words of condemnation, punishing others with words, undermining the authority of God-
appointed leaders, grumbling and complaining about the situations God has ordained for your life, etc.)
2. Do your words reveal places where you have bought into an interpretation of life different from the Lord’s (as revealed in Scripture)? In other words, does your talk reveal a consistent, biblical view of life that encourages others to look at life the same way? (Example: Outbursts of anger during a traffic jam versus using the time to have a wholesome conversation with your wife and children.)
3. Has your communication been infected with Satan’s lie that the things you need for life can be found outside of Christ? Examples:
■ “I must win this argument.”
■ “I must have her love, appreciation, and respect.”
■ “I will get him to admit if it’s the last thing I do!”
■ “This is the way it has to be done.”
■ “I cannot live with .”
■ “I have the right to my happiness.”
Remember, Christ not only forgives, he delivers. He not only delivers, he restores. He not only restores, he reconciles.