Getting Personal: The Battle for Control
Chapter Five
He Is King!
He is in charge of it all, has the
final word on everything. . . .
No name and no power [are]
exempt from his rule. (Eph. 1:21–22)
HAVE you ever felt as if your brain was so full that one more thought would cause it to explode? I felt that way while standing in a slum in New Delhi, India. I was there to see the work of the mission leaders I had come to India to train. The experiences of the previous few days had filled my mind to the point of overload. The sun was brightly shining and children were playing in the street, but this was not like home. I was overwhelmed by the desperate poverty I was viewing; I still have trouble adequately describing it. I was overwhelmed by the spiritual darkness—so great, so deep, and so pervasive that it seemed like a cloud hanging over us.
I had seen hungry mothers hold sick, starving, fly-infested children. I had seen old beggars who had known few moments of life without physical suffering and need. I had seen places called homes that I wouldn’t have used to store a lawn mower. I had seen a handsome, intellectual, young priest prostrate himself before a wooden idol. I had heard a guru defend his seventeen-year quest for enlightenment, an enlightenment he admitted hadn’t happened and didn’t appear close. I had been moved to see little ten- and eleven-year-old boys a thousand miles from home, already living in an ashram. I was touched to see a family who had traveled for four hundred miles, mostly by foot, to reach a holy place where they could do homage to the gods.
My brain was full—not just full with the sights and experiences, but with a recognition of the vast difference between the lives I was viewing and my own. On the one hand, it was apparent that these were people just like me. They laughed, they cried, they had hopes and dreams, they had families, friends, and homes of a sort. There were things they believed and things they did not. Each day they got up with places to go and things to do. Yet at the same time, our lives were so completely different that we seemed to be from totally different universes. Then, as I stood in that slum on that sunny morning, it hit me. There was only one explanation for the vast differences in our lives—God. That was it, and nothing else!
I don’t know when I have been more powerfully aware of the absolute sovereignty of God than I was at that moment. There was no other possible explanation. The choice of birthplace, family, and living conditions all were his. I could have been born in that slum! It wasn’t because of my wisdom that I was born in Toledo, Ohio! That was the choice of a sovereign God. The choice of who comes to understand truth and who will embrace falsehood belongs to God and God alone. I could have been that young priest. He was not there because he was stupid. It was God who allowed me to be born into a family of faith, who planned that at nine years old I would be convicted by the words of Romans 3, and that I would have the opportunity to spend my life, not worshipping a wooden image, but studying and teaching the Word of God. The words of Romans 11:33–36 flooded into my mind:
Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God!
How unsearchable his judgments,
and his paths beyond tracing out!
“Who has known the mind of the Lord?
Or who has been his counselor?”
“Who has ever given to God,
that God should repay him?”
For from him and through him and to him are all things.
To him be the glory forever! Amen.
You may be wondering what all this has to do with communication. My answer is that a life of godly communication is rooted in a personal recognition of the sovereignty of God. Let me put it this way: Only when I submit to the rule of God, who has a perfect plan and is in complete control, will I begin to live and speak as he has purposed. Only at this level will the idolatry of heart that leads to idol words be broken. Here alone will my words be freed from being the tools of my agenda, my attempts at control, and my glory-seeking.
When my heart is more controlled by a desire for the creation (a person, possession, position, or experience) than it is by a desire for the Creator, I will seek to control my world (and the people in it) to get what I want. The teenager yells at his parents who have said no to him, “I can’t stand you and your rules.” The husband who wants his way argues his wife into a corner. The wife seeks to motivate her husband with guilt. The manipulator uses flattery to get what he wants from his friend. None rests in God’s sovereignty, believing that he will give what is best.
But when we understand God’s sovereignty and submit to his rule, we can live and speak as God has designed. This is the polar opposite of living and speaking according to our plan, for our control, and for our own glory. Such self-interest is what brought so much trouble to our talk. The war of words is, at bottom, a war for sovereignty.
Maybe this is why fantasy is such a universal temptation. When I fantasize, I go to worlds of my own making where I rule as absolute sovereign. Every person does my bidding. Every situation unfolds according to my will. In my mind, I function as God and rule unchallenged. This world exists for my pleasure and operates exactly as I wish. Fantasy can be one way we fulfill a heart’s desire to be lord over our circumstances and relationships.
This struggle for lordship is also revealed in our communication. God’s will is that all of our speaking be done for the praise of his glory—an exciting new agenda very different from our own. For this reason it is important to understand what the Bible teaches about God’s sovereignty. It is the cornerstone for a new agenda for our words.
In talking about this doctrine, I know that I am raising thorny issues that go beyond the scope of typical communication discussions. The connections with the way we talk may not be immediately apparent. But I urge you to stay with me, because I believe that this is one of the reasons we have so many communication problems in the first place! We live in a church culture that tends to separate biblical commands and principles from the rest of Scripture. We look at specific verses about communication and seek to apply them to our lives without understanding the way they are rooted in the history and theology of Scripture. We miss the big picture—the way the rest of Scripture gives these commands their meaning and rationale. The commands and principles of Scripture flow from the theology of Scripture. More than that, they find their hope and meaning in the person and work of Christ.
For example, the only reason it makes sense to do good to your enemies is that the One who has told us to is a God of perfect justice. The call to forgive is rooted in the fact that Christ has forgiven us. The call to give sacrificially is rooted in God’s promise to provide for all our needs. Every command and principle has its roots in redemptive realities—what God has done and will do for us in Christ. This is theology—but it’s certainly not abstract information! Scripture is full of theology because when you understand truth about God, you understand why and how you are to carry out the commands of Scripture. You understand how your actions connect with what God is doing, and how you can actually bring glory to his name.
Understanding God’s Sovereignty
So, what does the Bible teach about God’s sovereign rule? We need to understand this important doctrine because the roots of biblical communication grow in the soil of his sovereignty. If my words don’t flow out of a heart that rests in his control, then they come out of a heart that seeks control, so I can get what I want. I need a better understanding of what God is doing.
When the Bible talks of God’s sovereignty, it means the following:
1. His unchallenged rule of the universe. God is the Lord of Lords and the King of Kings. He has no peer; he not only is Lord over every ruler on earth, but he is also Lord of the heavens. The entire universe operates according to his good pleas-ure. No one has taught God, no one gives him advice, no one can legitimately question him, and no one can stand in the way of his will. He sits on the throne of the universe, and he alone rules.
This truth is captured in words spoken by Nebuchadnezzar, after God restored him to his sanity.
His dominion is an eternal dominion;
his kingdom endures from generation to generation.
All the peoples of earth
are regarded as nothing.
He does as he pleases
with the powers of heaven
and the peoples of the earth.
No one can hold back his hand
or say to him: “What have you done?” (Dan. 4:34–35)
Now, what does all this mean for my communication? For one thing, it means that I will never be in a situation, location, or relationship in which God is not ruling. The moments of life are his moments; I should not claim them as my own. Every word I speak should acknowledge his control. My job is not to get what pleases me, to establish power or to seek control. My job is to submit to God’s rule and to do his will. When it comes to communication, my job is to speak in a way that pleases the One who is ruling the very moment in which I am speaking.
When I know that God is in control of my life, I do not give in to panic. I do not begin thinking that life is out of control, and I do not despair when I am confused about what is going on. I know that every situation is under the careful administration of the King of Kings. As I grab hold of this truth by faith, I can pay attention to what God has called me to do—to live and speak in a way that brings him glory.
2. God rules over all things for the church. God’s rule has a direction and purpose to it: it is for the redemptive benefit of his people. He created everything that is; he has ruled over every moment of human history; he breathed life into dust to make man in his image; he has raised up rulers and nations and has cast them down; he has harnessed the forces of nature; he has raised up his prophets, judges, kings, and apostles; he has revealed himself in a myriad of ways; he has sent his Son to live on earth and to die a criminal’s death; he has given us his Word; he rules over our individual lives; and he is coming again. Why? To raise up a people for his own possession (1 Peter 2:9), a people who have been called out of darkness into his marvelous light to live for eternity for his glory! He rules for the sake of his people—for us.
However, to say that God rules for our sake does not mean that he rules so that we can get what we want. No, his rule is redemptive. That is, he controls the universe so that his redemptive purpose for us and his redemptive promises to us will be fulfilled. He rules so that the justification, sanctification, and glorification he promises us are guaranteed. To that end, the Messiah came, invaded the kingdom of darkness, and led out his people to live for his glory in the kingdom of light (Col. 1:9–14). To guarantee this, God has ruled over all things from eternity past and will continue throughout eternity future. Paul says this of Christ:
[He] seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way. (Eph. 1:20–22)
If we get hold of this truth, how will it change the way we speak with one another? Think about how much of our communication involves complaining about our circumstances: our bills, tough neighbors, difficult job, rebellious children, distant husband, unappreciative wife, ineffective church leaders, defective lawn mower, broken-down car, heavy taxes, college tuition, and inability to afford a “good” vacation.
How much of our speaking expresses irritation toward people who get in our way? Family members who rob us of our peace and quiet or who tear up the newspaper before we read it? The rebellious child who robs us of our comfort and ease? The family member who stands in the way of an evening out? The person who refuses to give me the respect and admiration I think I deserve? The person who blocks my promotion at work? The daughter or son who is in the bathroom when I need to be? The wife who never makes my favorite meals or thanks me when I hand her the grocery money? The teenager who never seems happy or content? The pastor who never asks me to do anything significant in the church? The list goes on and on.
So much of our talk expresses envy toward others who seem to have it easier than we do: the non-Christian neighbor who used bonus money to build an addition on his house; the Christian friend who seems to be the particular object of God’s blessing; the friend whose son just got a full scholarship to an Ivy League college; the brother in Christ who has had white-collar job security for years; the friend who has a happy and vivacious wife or warm, loving husband; the unbelieving friend who never has trouble paying his bills and seems to have great kids; the factory worker who just won the lottery.
So much of our praise to the Lord is limited to the moments when we have determined that what he has done is good: the times of physical healing, financial provision, improved circumstances, restored relationships, or solved problems. In these situations, we praise God for his faithfulness.
But what does all of this communication miss? The fact that God is active in every moment of our lives, and that he brings all things into our lives for our redemptive good. It is very, very important that we believe this! When we do, we have hearts that can speak with humility and worship. We realize that God has us just where we need to be so that his purposes for us and his promises to us may come to pass.
3. God rules over the specific details of our lives. God’s rule is not just global or universal, it is individual. We see this played out in the lives of familiar characters in Scripture. He is Lord over the details of the lives of Moses, Jacob and Esau, Joseph, Esther, Ruth, David, Jeremiah, Daniel, Peter, and Paul, to name but a few. He rules ours as well. His rule actually includes the details of the lives of every human being who ever lived! The glory of this is too much for our minds to grasp. We have trouble organizing our own lives! But God is so glorious in his sovereignty that he directs the specific details of every human life at the same time.
Paul spoke of this in the Areopagus as he introduced the people of Athens to the God they knew as “Unknown”: “He determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live” (Acts 17:26).
God’s rule is not distant and impersonal. Just the opposite! God rules over the specifics of my life so that I can reach out and find him (see v. 27). He calls us to think, pray, and plan and to live ordered and self-controlled lives, but on a foundation that recognizes and rests in his rule.
Maybe you have communication problems over things you think are problems, but God does not. We often focus on people and situations, while God’s focus is on us. He is using the things in our lives as tools for accomplishing his work in us.
4. God rules over every aspect of our salvation. This has been the most controversial aspect of God’s rule in the church, yet it is clearly proclaimed in Scripture and is the basis for the security of every believer. Here the final vestiges of our reliance on human power, performance, goodness, and self-sufficiency are laid waste. True worship begins as we grasp the sovereign grace of God. Our salvation exists on the rock of his will. Even the first breath of our faith has been determined by him before the foundations of the world. Without his love placed upon us, we would be excluded from the citizenship of his people, separate from his covenant promises, without hope and without God in the world (Eph. 2:12)!
God opens spiritual eyes that we may see and spiritual ears that we may hear (see Matt. 13:11–17; John 10:25–30). Every aspect of our salvation depends on him. There is no clearer statement of this truth than from Paul:
For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will—to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves. (Eph. 1:4–6)
What is God’s purpose in his sovereignty over our salvation? It is twofold. First, God’s sovereign grace undermines all human pride and thoughts of self-sufficiency as we face our complete dependence on him. If there is any spiritual life, faith, goodness, love, hope, grace, character, wisdom, and God-honoring fruit in our lives, it is because of God’s grace. We are what we are because of him.
Second, God’s goal is that the pride we would otherwise have in ourselves be given over to praising him. Paul says, “Let him who boasts boast in the Lord” (1 Cor. 1:31). Notice the phrase that is repeated in Ephesians 1—“to the praise of his glory.” This is what God had in mind: That his rule over every aspect of our salvation would result in an eternal chorus of praise.
This is the bottom line of biblical communication, the first and highest goal of all of our talk: that our words would reflect an attitude of worship that recognizes our utter dependency on God for salvation. He has chosen us to be his children, he called us to himself, he breathed life into us so that we could see and believe the truth, he justified us and adopted us into his family, he daily works to sanctify us, and he will take us to glory. It is all of him. Out of that realization will come a life of communication that benefits others and honors him.
The fact is that our words always express worship—but not always of God. We’ve seen that we tend to exchange worship and service of the Creator for worship and service of the created thing (Rom. 1:25). We see it in the wife who says, “Don’t tell me how much God loves me. I want a husband who loves me!” We hear it from the teenager who says, “I hate living here. I can never do what I want to do!” It’s even evident in the toddler who throws a tantrum in the toy store because Mom refused to buy him a ball. The pastor says, “Why do I try to minister to these people? All I ever get is criticism.” The employee says, “All I want from my job is a raise and a little credit.”
In every case, each statement is motivated more by worship and service of the creation than it is by worship and service of the Creator. God desires to redirect our focus.
5. God rules over circumstances for our sanctification. There is probably no more important perspective on our everyday life than this: God is at work in every situation to conform us to the image of his Son. This truth is presented all over the New Testament (see Rom. 8:28–29; James 1:2–4; 1 Peter 1:3–9).
Each passage says essentially the same thing: that God is at work to complete the work of salvation he began before the earth was made. Paul says he is working in all things for the good of conforming us to the image of his Son. James says we ought to greet trials with joy because God is using them to complete us. Peter says we can view trials as the means by which we receive the goal of our faith, the salvation of our souls. God is sovereign over the circumstances of our lives, but Scripture says more. It tells us that these circumstances are a principal means by which God actually produces what he predestined for our lives before the foundation of the world—that we would be transformed into the likeness of his Son, holy as he is holy.
When we complain about the problems and pressures in our lives, we are essentially grumbling in the face of God. We are complaining that we have been chosen by his love and grace, and that he is putting us in situations designed to make us his holy people! These relationships and circumstances, these problems and trials, and these times of grief and suffering come from his hand. They are tokens of God’s wonderful grace, given to deliver us from the power of remaining sin! Behind the circumstances is a God of love who is relentlessly at work to make us holy. Praise that comes from hearts of worship is the only legitimate response to these circumstances. Rather than telling us that God has forgotten us, our circumstances shout to us that he has remembered us and will not leave us until his work is complete! Really understanding this will do much to alter the way we talk.
For example, I am a very schedule-oriented person. I awake every day with an agenda. I try to do everything quickly. I tend to evaluate the success of a day by how many things I got done. So it is very easy for me to get frustrated when my day doesn’t work out as I had planned. I find myself increasingly frustrated with things (“Stupid computer!”), with people (“Why isn’t he here? Doesn’t he know how busy I am?”), and with situations (“Why does the whole world decide to get office supplies just when I need a refill for my pen?”). In all of this I tend to forget that God is focused not on the “success” of my day but on the godliness of my character. I tend to focus on the results. He is committed to the process of making me holy. In my anger and frustration, I am not just fighting people and situations, but God.
What comes out of your mouth in times of trouble? What does your heart think and your mouth say when your plan is obstructed or simply falls flat? How do you respond when people fail you or don’t do their part? What do you say in moments of frustration and disappointment? How do you respond when you face the totally unexpected? How do you react toward those who seem to stand in the way of your schedule and plans? How do you respond when your brightest ideas and best efforts fall apart? How do you react to trials that don’t seem to be your fault? Do your words acknowledge the sovereign plan of God over all of your circumstances for your sanctification?
The New Testament writers tell us that we should not be surprised when we face trouble, trial, and suffering. They tell us that we should never conclude that God has forgotten us. They say that for the believer, the opposite is true: trials are the result of his covenant love! We experience difficulty precisely because we are the children of his love. God will not neglect us so that we can experience the ease we want. No, he will perfect us through trial after trial.
God’s people have always struggled with this truth. When Israel was trapped at the Red Sea with the Egyptians closing in behind them, Exodus 13 tells us that their situation was not an accident or the result of poor planning on Moses’ part. It was the plan and provision of God. Israel could have taken a much shorter route to Palestine, but God knew that they were not spiritually ready. Moses records it this way: “For God said, ‘If they face war, they might change their minds and return to Egypt’” (v. 17). God led them a different way until they were camped at the Red Sea. Not only that, but God hardened Pharaoh’s heart so that he would pursue them (Ex. 14:1–4). Why? Moses records God’s answer: “‘But I will gain glory for myself through Pharaoh and all his army, and the Egyptians will know that I am the LORD’” (v. 4). God was in control of the whole circumstance, strengthening his people for the battles they would face in the Promised Land.
How did the people respond?
As Pharaoh approached, the Israelites looked up, and there were the Egyptians, marching after them. They were terrified and cried out to the LORD. They said to Moses, “Was it because there were no graves in Egypt that you brought us to the desert to die? What have you done to us by bringing us out of Egypt? Didn’t we say to you in Egypt, ‘Leave us alone; let us serve the Egyptians’? It would have been better for us to serve the Egyptians than to die in the desert!” (vv. 10–12)
Isn’t this a typical human reaction? You can hear the Israelites asking each other, “Did you vote for Moses?” or saying, “We should have known—he was already a failure. . . . It was obvious that he was going to get us into a mess!” There seems to be no awareness that Israel was brought into the circumstance by God. He had them just where he wanted them to receive what he wanted to give them. It should have been obvious that this was not Moses’ fault because Israel had been led by the pillar of cloud by day and the pillar of fire by night (Ex. 13:20–22)—a visible indicator that they had been brought to the Red Sea by the Lord. Yet, in their panic, they forgot the Lord and his sovereign plan. Instead, they blamed and accused their human leader.
Notice that this trial produced exactly what God had planned for his people. “And when the Israelites saw the great power the LORD displayed against the Egyptians, the people feared the LORD and put their trust in him and in Moses his servant” (Ex. 14:31). Paul says that these incidents are examples and warnings for us (1 Cor. 10:11). They reveal our hearts and expose our reactions to trial. We, too, forget the presence of a sovereign God and curse our situation and blame the people around us. God wants us to remember the truth of his sanctifying control over our circumstances. This is the only way to build a biblical model of communication.
The tough neighbor, demanding boss, touchy relative, controlling friend, unthankful child, and the unexpected accident are all tools of sanctification in the hands of our Lord. Like you, I have trouble interpreting them properly. I tend to see them as signs that God has forgotten me rather than sure indications that he is near, carefully controlling things for my good. So I fret and complain instead of resting and worshipping.
6. God rules over relationships for my sanctification. The people in my life are not there by accident. They, too, are instruments in the hands of my Redeemer. Through them he continues the work he has begun in me. This is powerfully depicted as Paul talks about the church (see Eph. 2:14–16, 19–22; 4:16; 1 Cor. 12:12–13, 18–20, 27).
God is sovereign over my relationships. He has placed the stones in the temple just where he wanted them. He has arranged every part of the body as he wanted it to be. These relationships are a means by which God continues his work. The struggles they bring are not meaningless hassles or irritating obstacles to an otherwise happy life. No, they are there because God is covenantally committed to bring us to maturity, to “attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ” (Eph. 4:12).
I was a young pastor when, one Sunday morning, I was asked by a man in our congregation if he could talk with me on Monday. I was excited. I thought, Finally someone has been touched by my ministry and is seeking my counsel! Little did I know what I was facing. We got together on Monday night and he said to me, “Paul, I didn’t come here to talk about me. I want to talk about you.” (Not exactly what I had anticipated!) During the next two hours, he took apart every aspect of my ministry, and my person as well. I was devastated. I thought I couldn’t feel any worse until he suggested that we go to his house so I could talk with his wife. For an hour and a half she echoed her husband’s sentiments.
I don’t know when I have felt so wronged or so wounded. I told Luella that I didn’t want to quit the ministry, I wanted to die! I called my brother, Tedd, wanting him to dress my wounds. I wanted him to tell me what a good guy I was and how I didn’t have to listen to this awful couple. But he told me just the opposite. Tedd said, “Pay careful attention, Paul. God had you in that room for a reason. Whatever evil they meant is not nearly as important as the good that God is trying to do in all of this.”
Boy, I didn’t want to hear those words! I wanted to say to Tedd, “Are you nuts? How can this be good? I’ve tried my best to serve God and this is what I get?!” But I did listen, and as the hurt passed, God began to show me attitudes and actions that were hindering the work he wanted to do through me. I can say now that I am very thankful for that painful Monday night. God used it to change my life and my ministry.
How often do we forget this truth when we speak to (and about) the people in our lives? How often do we treat people as irritants and obstacles? How frequently do we lash out against them in anger because they stand in the way of our plans or our momentary happiness? How often do we complain to others about their actions, reactions, and words? How much do we bemoan the fact that our lives are affected by others’ choices? Embracing the sovereignty of God over our relationships will alter our words regarding the people he has placed in our lives.
7. God rules over all things for his glory. This is the bottom line of everything Scripture says about the sovereignty of God. He does what he does for his own glory. History is his story. Every moment belongs to him. We are his possessions. All of our gifts, graces, and abilities belong to him. It is all from him, all for him, and as Paul says three times in Ephesians 1, all for “the praise of his glory.”
God is not working for our temporal personal happiness. He is not working so that we would feel satisfied and complete or that we would have a positive self-image or a comfortable lifestyle. No, he is working to make us lights that shine in darkness, so that people would see our good works and give him glory (Matt. 5:16). People who grasp this truth shine like “a city on a hill” that “cannot be hidden” (v. 14).
This is why God teaches us again and again in Scripture that our lives are in his hands. All human boasting should give way to the ultimate purpose of his own glory. When we speak as if we are in control (or ought to be), when we take glory for ourselves, when we complain about the things God has put on our plate, we are rejecting his ultimate purpose for us—that we would be people who live (and speak) for his glory. With James we need to admit, “Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be” (James 3:10).
In light of this, every word we speak must meet two standards. First, all of our words should bring God the glory he deserves. And second, our words should bring redemptive good into the lives of the people God has placed around us. This is a high calling for all our words—worship and redemption. But this is also why there is a great war of words, for the Enemy fights to keep us from fulfilling this calling. The Deceiver wants us to claim the world of words as our own, to speak out of our own will, to speak for our own glory, and to speak out of selfish hearts committed only to what seems best for us. Here again, the war of words is really a war for sovereignty. Whatever or whoever rules our hearts will control the words we speak. The clear message of Scripture is that we are called to speak out of a thankful heart of submission to God, in every circumstance and situation.
Do you have a better idea of what the sovereignty of God has to do with our speaking? It is the foundation for a new agenda. Only as I submit to the rule of the Lord will I begin to live and speak as he purposed. Only then am I freed to speak in an attitude of worship and as an instrument of redemption, leaving the things I can’t understand or control to his unsearchable knowledge, wisdom, and sovereign choice.
As I wrote this chapter, I was privileged to be part of a sad but powerful experience. My father-in-law was taken to the hospital with an advanced case of bone cancer. He lay in bed in severe pain, yet he was not angry. He did not complain or ask, “Why me?” My wife stood at the end of his bed watching this once-strong man lie frail and broken. At the end of our visit he asked if he could pray. It was a prayer we will never forget. The first thing he did was to thank God for his circumstances. He said that he knew that God was good and that everything he did in his children’s lives was good even when we don’t understand it. Then he asked God to help him be a good father and a good example to his children during his suffering. He finally thanked God for the rich life of blessings he had been given.
This man was not a theologian. There had been a time when I struggled to respect him because he did not seem to understand truths I thought I had mastered in seminary. I have since come to realize that his life demonstrated a grasp of God’s sovereignty that I do not have. I long to have such rest in the midst of trouble! I long for my talk to be as wholesome, edifying, and worshipful as his was. I no longer struggle to respect my father-in-law. I would be very thankful if my sons turned out to be like him. Bert Jackson won the war of words because the war for sovereignty had been won in his heart. In the moment of his great suffering, his talk encouraged and strengthened the people around him and brought glory to God. Why? Because he really did believe, when the rubber met the road, that God has a perfect plan and is in complete control. He really did want everything he did and said to bring God glory, and he did not think that personal suffering excused him from that high calling.
The war of words is really a war for sovereignty. Who or what rules your heart? Whoever or whatever it is, it will control your tongue as well.
Getting Personal:
The Battle for Control
1. How does your communication reveal a frustration with people and circumstances?
2. In what ways is your communication an attempt to take control?
3. How do you typically respond when your plans are thwarted?
4. How do you respond when God sends suffering or disappointment your way?
5. Do you encourage those around you to rest in God’s sovereign care? Do you point to evidences of his loving hand? How?
6. Do you seek to speak in a way that encourages the work God is doing in others?
7. Do your words reveal that you are resting in God’s control or wrestling with it?
Take time with these questions, and ask God to help you to be honest. Be sensitive to the convicting ministry of the Holy Spirit as you answer. Remember that God reveals our hearts not to discourage us but to draw us ever closer to the circle of his love. He corrects those he loves.