Journey to Boston, and the Circumstances of His Death (part 3 of 3)

234 THE LIFE OF. [PART VII8.

On Wednesday. morning, the week after he came to Narthampéan, be took leave of his brother Israel, not expecting to sce him again in this world. He now set out from hence on his journey to New-Haven.

When Mr. Brainerd came hither, he had so much stretsgth as to be able, from day to day, to ride out two or three miles asd to return; and sometimes to pray in the family. But form this time he gradually but sensibly decayed, and be« came weaker and weaker.

- While he was here, his conversation from first to last was wuch on the same subjects as it had been wherrin Boston. He spoke much of the nature of true religion in heart and practice, as distinguished from its various counterfeits; expres+ sing his great concern that the latter so much prevailed in many places. He often manifested his great abhorrence of all such doctrines and principles as savoured in any degree, or had only a remote tendency to Antinomiahifin 3 of all such notions as seemed to diminish the necessity of holiness of life, or to abate men’s regard to the commands of God, and a strict, diligent, and universal practice of virtue and piety, under a pretence of depreciating our works, and magnifying God's tree grace. He spake often, with much detestation, of such experiences and pretended discoveries and joys, as have nothing of the nature of sanctification in them, and do not tend to strictness, tenderness, and diligence in r&ligion, and meekness and benevolence towards mankind, and a humble behaviour. He also declared that he looked on such pre- “ended humility as worthy of nu regard, that was not manifested by modesty of, conduct and conversation. He spake often, with abhorrence, of the spirit and practice that appears among the greater part of separatists at this day in the land, particularly those in the Eastern parts of Connecticut; in their condemning and separating from the standing ministry and churches, their crying down learning and a learned ministry, their notion of an immediate call to the work of the ministry, and the forwardness of laymen to set up thems selves as public teachers. He had been much conversant in the Eastern part of Connecticut, (his native place being near

- ‘$o it,) when the same principles and spirit began ta operate}

which have since prevailed to a greater degree; and had acquaintance with some of those persons who are become heads and leaders of the separatists. He had also been conversant witis Sersone of the same way elsewhere; and I heard him say, once and again, he knew by his acquaintancé with this sort of people, that what was chiefly and most generally in repute among them as the power of godliness, was an entirely different thing from that true vital piety recommended in the scriptures, and had nothing in it of that nature. He manifestéd a great dislike of a disposition in persons to much noise and show in religion, and affecting to be abundant in proclaiming and publishing their own experiences; t at the same time he did not condemn, but approved of Christians speaking ot their own experiences on some occasions, and to some persons, with due modesty and discretion. He himself somethes, while at my house, spake of his own experiences; but it was always with apparent reserve, and in the exercise of eare and judgment with respect to occasions, persons, and * circumstances. He mentioned some remarkable things of his own religious experience to two young gentlemen, candidates for the ministry, who watched with him, each at a different time, when he was very low, and not far from his end; ‘but he desired both’ of them not to speak of what he bad told them till after his death.

The things which were the subject of the debate before mentioned, with a certain gentleman the day he left Boston, seemed to lie with much weight on his mind after he came

hither; and he began to write a letter to that gentleman, ex-

| pressing his sentiments concerning ge dangerous tendency

of some-of the tenets he had ekp?essed*in conversation, and

in the writings he had published; but he had not strength to finish his letter..

_ After he came hither, he spoke much of the future pros-

perity of Zion, so often foretold and promised in the scrip-

ture: This was a theme he delighted to dwell upon; and his

mittd seemed to be carried forth with earnest’concern and

iutense desire, that religion might speedily and abundantly

-revive and flourish, though he hed not the least expectation

of recovery; yea, the nearer death advanced, and the more

the symptoms of its approach increased, still the more did

his mind seem to be taken up with this subject. He told

» me, when near his end, that “ he never in all his life had his

. mind so led forth in desires and earnest prayers for the

flourishing of Christ’s kingdom on earth, as ‘sitice he was

brought so excyeding low at Boston.” He seemed much to

« é 1236 THE LIFE OF rs Vill.

wonder, that there appeared no more of a osition in ministers and people to pray for the spread of the gospel through the world; that so little of their prayers. was generally taken up about it, in their families and elsewhere. In particular, he several times expressed his wonder, that there appeared no more forwardness to comply with the proposal lately made, in a memorial from a number of ministers in Scotland, and sent over into America, for united extraordinary r among Christ’s ministers and people,. for the coming ‘of Christ’s kingdom; and he sent it as his dying advice to his own congregation, that they should practise agreeably to that proposal.*

Though he was constantly exceeding weak, yet there appeared yj him a continual desire to improve time, and fill it up with something that might be for the glory of God or the good of men; either profitable conversation, or writing letters to absent friends, or noting something in his diary, or looking over his former writings, correcting them, and preparing them to be left in the bands of others at his death, or giving some directions concerning a future conducting and management of his people, or employment in secret devotions. He seemed never to be easy, however ill, if he was not doing something for God or in his service.

After he came hither, he wrote a Preface to a Diary of

"the famous Mr. Shepard’s, (in those papers before mentioned |

as lately found,) have been much urged to it by those gentlemen in Bostdg¥ w achat: the tare of the publication. This Diary, with his Preface, his since been published.t

In his diary for Lord’s day, ‘August 9, he speaks of longing desires after death, through a sense of the excellency of a state of perfection.

In his diary for Lord’s day, August 16, he speaks of his having so rfmch refreshment of soul in the house of God, that it seemed also to refresh his body. And this is not only noted in his diary, but was very observable to others; it was apparent, not only that his mind was exhilarated with in-

* His congregation have since with great cheerfulness and unanimity fallen in with this advice, and adopted the proposal from Scotland; and have at times

appeared with uncommon engagedness and fervency of spirit in their meetings gm {

and united devotions. The Presbyteries ef New-York and New-Brunswick have since with one consent, fallen in with the proposal, as likewise some others of God’s people in those parts.;

t A part of this Preface is inserted in the Appendix to gpis history.

t ward consolation, but also that his animal spirits and bodily strength seemed to be remarkably restored, as though be had forgot his illness. This however was the last time that ever he attended public worship on the sabbath.

On Tuesday morning that week, while I was absent on a journey, he prayed with my family, but not without much difficulty, for want of bodily strength. This was the last family prayer that he ever offered.

He had been wont, till now, frequently to.ride out two or three miles: but this week, on Thursday, was ‘the last time he ever did so.]

ras day, Aug. 23. This morning I was considerably refreshed with the thought, yea, the hope and expectation of the enlargement of Christ's kingdom; and I could not but hope, the time was at hand, when Babylon the great would fall, and rise no more: This led me to some spiritual meditations, that were very refreshing to me. I was unable to attend public worship, either part of the day; but God was pleased to afford me fixedness and satisfaction in divine thoughts. Nothing so refreshes my soul, as when I can go to God, yea, “ to God my exceeding joy.” When he is so, sensibly, to my soul, oh how unspeakably delightful is this! 4 In the week past [ had various seasons of inward refreshing, though im body was inexpressibly weak, followed continually witHhagues and fevers: Sometimes my soul centred in God as my only portion; and I felt that 1 should be for ever unhappy, if he did not feign. I saw the glory and happiness of being his subject, ‘t his disposal.: This made all my difficulties quickly vanish.

Fro d’s day, Aug. 23, [ was troubled very much with lownes®%of: spirit; could neither write nor read, and could scarcely By Yet through mercy, I was not so much ope pressed wit heaviness and gloom as at many other times.

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{Till this week he had been used to lodge in a room above: stairs; but he now grew so weak, that he was no longer. able to go up stairs and down. Friday, Aug. 28, was the - last time he ever went above stairs; henceforward he betook himself to a lower room. *

Wednesday, Sep. 2, being the day of our ar public lectui he. seemed to be refreshed with seeing the neighbouring minis-

3

Me

238 ‘ THE LIFE OF [PART VEL.

ters who came hither to the lecture, and expressed a great desire once more to go to the house of God om that day. He accordingly rode to the meeting, and attended divine service, while the Rev. Mr. Woodbridge of Hatfield preach» ed. He signified that he supposed it to be the last time that ever he should attend the public worship, and so is proved. Indeed it was the last time that ever he went out at our gate alive.

On the Saturday-evening following, he was visited by his brother Mr. John Brainerd, who came to see him from New- Jersey. He was much refreshed by this unexpected visit, this brother being peculiarly dear to him; and he seemed to rejoice in a devout and solemn manner to eee him, ang to bear the comfortable tidings he brought concerning the state of his dear congregation of Christian Indians. A circumstance of this visit, which he was exceeding glad of, was, that his brother brought-him some of his private writings from New-Jersey, and particularly his Diary that he had

kept for many years past.]

Lord’s day, Sep. 6. I began to read some of my private writings, which my brother brought me; and was considerably refreshed with what I found in them. _ Monday, Sep. 7. I proceeded further in reading my old

private writings, and found they had the same effect upon me as before. I could not but rejoice and: bless God for what passed long ago, which without writing had been entirely lost.—This evening, when I was in great distress of body, my soul Joaged that Gad should be glorified: I saw there was no heaven but this. I could not but speak to the bystanders, of the only happiness, that of pleasing-‘God. Oh that I could for ever live to him! The day I wust is at hand, the perfect day: oh the day of deliveranige from all aint,

Lor#s day, Sep. 13. I was much refreshed and engaged im meditation and writing, and found a heart to aet for Gad. My spirits were refreshed, and my soul delighted te do something for his name. —-

[On the evening following that Lord’s day, his feet began to swell, and thenceforward swelled more and more—a sympton of his approaching dissolution.

The next day, his brother John left him, being obliged to ¢ 49 return.to New-Jersey on some business of great importance and necessity; intending to return again with all possible speed, hoping to see his brother yet once more in the land of the living.

Mr. Brainerd having now with much deliberation considered of the important affair forementioned, which kad been left with him by the honourable Commissioners in Boston, of the corporation in London for the propagation of the gospel in New-England and parts adjacent, vfz. the fix- gy iag upon and recommending two persons proper to be em-: ployed as missionaries to the Six Nations, he about this time wrote a letter, recommending two young g n of his acquaintance to those“Gommissioners; namely,,Mir. Elihu Spencer of East-Haddam, and Mr. Job Strong of:Northampton. The Commissioners, on the receipt of this letter, cheerfully and unanimously agreed to accept of and employ the persons he had recommended; who accordingly have _. since waited on the Gommissioners to receive their iastrac. *. tions; and pursuant to their instructions, have applied them?" selves to a preparation for the business ef thei, mission, in the manner to which they directed them. One of then, Mr. Spencer, has been solemnly ordained to that work, by several of the ministers of Boston, in the presence of an eeelesiastical council convened for that purpose; and he is now gone forth go the nation of the Oncidaes, about one hundred. and seventy miles beyond Albany.

' He also this week, on Wednesday, Sep. 16, wrote a letter to a particular gentleman in Boston (one of those charitable persons forementioned, who appeared so forward to contribute of their substance for the promoting Christianity among the Indians) relative to the growth of the Indian school, and the need of another schoolmaster, or. some person to assist the schoolmaster in instructing the Indian children. These gentlemen, on the receipt of this letter, agreed with great cheerfalness to give £200 (in bills of the old tenor) for the support of another schoolmaster; and desired the Rev. Mr. Pemberton of New-York, (who was then at Boston, and also at their desire, present at their meeting,) as soon as possible to procure a suitable person for teat service. ‘Tb also agreed to allow £75 to defray some special charges that were requisite to encourage the mission to the Six Nations, Lae

vt

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240 THE LIFE OF (PART VIIE.

gy besides the salary allowed by the commissioners, which was

w

also done on some intimations given by Mr. Bgainerd.

Mr. Brainerd spent himself much in writing those letters, being exceeding weak; but it seemed to be much to his satisfaction that he had been enabled to do it, hoping that it was something done for God, and which might be for the advancement of Christ’s kingdom and glory. In writing the last of these letters, he was obliged to use the hand of another, not being able to write himself. ‘

On the Thursday of this week, Sep. 17, was the last time that ever he went out of his lodging-room. That day he was again visited ;by his brother Israel, who continued with him till hig @eath. That evening he was taken with something ofa¥iarrhea, which he looked upon as another sign of his approaching death. On this occasion he expressed himself thus: “Oh, the glorious time is now coming. I have longed to serve God perfectly: now God will gratify those ye desires! !” And from time to time, at the several steps and * new symptoms of the sensible approach of his dissolution, he -was so far from being sunk or damped, that he seemed to be

animated agh more cheerful, as being glad at the appearances of death’s approach. He often used the epithet, glorious? when speaking of the day of his death, calling it “that glorious day.” And as he saw his dissolution gradually approaching, he talked much about it, dwelling with perfect calmness on the subject of a future state. He also settled all his affairs, very particularly and minutely giving directions concerning what he would have done in one respect and another after he was dead. The nearer death approached, the more desirous he seemed to be of it. He several times spake of the different kinds of williggness to die; and spoke of it as an ignoble mean kind of willingness to die, to be willing to leave the body, only to get rid of pain; or to go to heaven, only to get honour and advancement there.]

Saturday, Sep. 19. Near night, while I attempted to walk a little, my thoughts turned thus; ‘ How infinitely sweet, it is to love God, and be allforhim! Upon this it was suggested to me, ‘ You are not an angel, not lively and active.” To ‘which my whole soul immediately replied, ‘I as sincerely desire to love and glorify God, as any angel in heaven. It was then suggested again, ‘ But you are filthy, not ft for heaven.’ Instantly appeared the blessed robes of Christ’s righgeousness, which [ could not but exult and tiumph in. I viewed the infinite excellency of God, till my soul even broke with longings that he should be glorified. I thought of dignity in heaven; but instantly the thought returned, ‘I do not go to heaven to get honour, but to give all possible glory and praise.’ Oh how I longed that God should be glorified on earth also! Oh I.was made, for eternity, if God might be glorified! Bodily pains I regarded not. Though I was then in extremity, | never felt easier. I felt willing to glorify God in that state of bodily distress, as long as he pleased I should continue in it. The grave appeared really sweet, and I longed to lodge my weary. bones init. Iutoh that God might be glorified: this was the burden of all my cry. I knew, I should be active as an ange] in heaven; and that I should be stripped of my “ filthy garments ;” so that there was no objection. But oh to love and praise God more, to please him for ever—this my soul panted. after, and even now pants for while 1 write. Oh that God might be glorified in the whole earth; “ Lord let thy kingdom come.” I longed for a spirit of preaching to descend and rest on ministers, that they might address the consciences of men with closeness and power. I saw that God “had the residue of the Spirit;” and my soul longed it ' should be“ poured from on high.” I could not but plead with God for my dear congregation, that he would preserve it, and not suffer his great name to lose its glory in that work; my soul still longing that God might be glorified..

[The extraordinary frame he was. in that evening, could not be hid. “ His mouth spake out of the abundance of his heart,” expressing ina very affecting manner much the same things as are written in his Diary.. Among very many other extraordinary expressions which he then uttered, were such as these; “My heaven is to please God, and glorify bim; to give all to him, and to be wholly devoted to his glory; that is the heaven I long for, that is my religion, and that is my happiness, and always was ever since-I suppose | had any true religion; and all those that are of that religion shall.

_ Meet me in heaven.—lI do not go to heaven to be advanced, but to give honour to God. It is no matter where I shall be stationed in heaven, whether [ have a high or low seat there;

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242. THE LIFE OF [PART VIII,

but to love and please, and glorify God is all. Had-Ia thousand souls, if they were worth any thing, 1 would give them all to God; but I have nothing to give, when all is done. It is impossible for any rational creature to be happy without acting all for God: God himself could not make him happy any other way.——I long to be in heaven, praising and glorifying God with the holy angels: all my desire is to glorify God ——My heart goes out to the burying-place; it seems to me a desirable place: but vh to glorify God! that is it; that is above all.——Itvis a great comfort to me to think, that I have done a little for God in the world. It is but a very smail matter; yet 1 have done a little; and F lament it, that I have not done more for him. There is nothing in the world worth ‘living for, but doing good, and finishing God’s work, doing the work that Christ did. I see nothing else in the world that can yield any satisfaction, besides living to God, pleasing him, and doing his whole will. — My greatest joy and comfort has been, to do something for promoting the interest of religion, and the souls of particular persons: and now, in my illness, while I am full of. pain and distress from.day to day, all the comfort I have is

"in being able to do some little char {or small piece of work}

for God; either by something that I say, or by writing, or

some other way.”

He intermingled with these and other. like expressions, many pathetical counsels to those about him; particularly to my children and servants. He applied himself to some of - my younger children at this time, calling them to him, and speaking to them one by one; setting before them in a very plain manner, the nature and essence of true piety, and its _ great importance and necessity; earnestly warning them not. to rest in any thing’short of that true and thorough change of heart, and a life devoted to God-; counselling them not to be slack in the great business of religion, nor in the least to des Jey it; enforcing his counsels with this, that his words were the words of a dying man. “T shall die here, (said he) and here J. shall be buried; here you will see my grave, and do you remember what I have said to you. 1 am going into eternity, and it is sweet to me to think of eternity; the endlessness of it makes it sweet. But oh, what shall | say to the. eternity of the wicked! I cannot mention it, nor think of it; the thought is too dreadful. When you see my grave, then part vi.j © DAVID BRAINERD. 4s

reniember what I-said to you while I was alive;: then think with yourself, how that man who lies in that grave, counselled and warned me to prepare for death.” -. His body seemed to be marvellously strengthened, through the inward vigour and refreshment of his mind; for though before he was so weak that he could hardly utter a sentence, yet now- he continued his: most affecting and profitable discourse.to us for more than‘an hour, ‘with scarcely any intermission.; and said of it when he had done, “it was the last sermon that ever he should preach.”

This extraordinary frame of mind continued the next day; of which he says in his Diary as follows.]

Lord’s day, Sep.20. “Was still in a: sweet and comfortable frame; again melted with desires that God might be glorified, and with longings to love and live to him. Longed for the influences of the divine Spirit to déscend on ministers, in a special manner. And oh I longed to be with God, to behold his glory, and to bow in-his presence !’

[It appears from his Diary, both of this day and the evens ing preceding, that his mind at this time was much impressed with a sense of the importance of the work of the mints. try; of the need of the grace of God, and his special spiritual assistance in this work. This also appeared in what he expressed in conversation, particularly in his discourse to his brother Israel, who was then a member of Yale college at New-Hayen, and had been prosecuting his studies and academical exercises there, in-order that he might he fitted for the work of the ministry.* He now, and from time to time in this his dying state, recommended to his brother a life of self-denial, of weanedness from the world and devotedness to God, and an earnest endeavour to obtain much of the grace of God’s Spirit, and of his gracious influences on his heart; representing the great need which ministers have of them, and the unspeakable benefit of them from his own experience. Among imany other.expressions, he said thus; “ When minis-

* This young gentleman was an ingenious, serious, studious, and hopefully traly pious person: there appeared in him many qualities giving hope of his being 2 great blessing in his day. But it has pleased God, since the death of his brother, to take him away also. He died that winter, at New-Haven, on January 6, 174708, ofa nervous fever, after about a fortnight’s illness.

R 2 244 ’ 'PHE LIFE OF [PART Vill.

ters feel these special influences on their hearts, it wonder-. fully assists them to come at the consciences of men, and as it were to handle them with hands; whereas, without them, whatever reason and oratory we make use of, we do but make use of stumps, instead of hands.”

Monday, Sep. 21; I began to correct a little volume of my private writings. God, I believe, remarkably helped me in it; my strength was surprisingly lengthened out, and my thoughts quick and lively, and my soul refreshed, hoping it. might bea work for God. Oh how goad, how sweet itis to - labour for God.

Tuesday, Sep. 22. Was again employed in reading and

correcting, and had. the same success as the day before. I was exceeding weak; but it seemed to refresh my soul, thus to spend. time. Wednesday, Sep. 23. I finished my corrections of the little piece forementioned, and felt uncommonly peaceful. It seemed as if I had now done all my work in this world, and stood ready for my call to a better. As long as I see any thing to be done for God, life is worth having: but oh how vain and unworthy it is, to live for any lower end!—This. day, I indited a letter, I think, of great importance, to the. Rev. Mr. Byram in New-Jersey: oh that God would bless and succeed what was written for the benefit of his church.* Oh that he would “ purify the sons of Levi,” that his glory may be advanced !——This night I had a dreadful attack; my life was expected scarcely an heur or minute together. But blessed be God, I have enjoyed considerable. sweetness in divine things this week, both by night and day.

Thursday, Sep. 24. My strength began to fail exceed- _ ingly; this looked further as if I had done all my work.—However, I had strength to fold and superscribe my letter. About two 1 went to bed, being weak and much disordered, and lay in a burning fever till night, without any proper. ‘ yest. In the evening I got up, having lain down in some of my cloaths; but: was in the greatest distress, having an uncommon kind of hiccough, which either strangled me, or threw me into a straining to vomit. Oh the distress of this evening! I had little expectation of living the night.

* It was concerning the qualifications of Ministers, and the examination and licensing of Candidates for the work of the ministry, OE ———————

through, nor indeed had-any about me; and I longed for the finishing moment.—I was‘ obliged to repair to bed by six o’clock; and through mercy enjoyed some rest, but was ‘grievously distressed at turns with the hiccough.—My soul breathed after God, while the watcher was with me. When shall I come to God, even to God my exqeeding joy? Oh for his blessed likeness! -

Friday, Sep: 25. I was unspeakably weak, and little

‘better than speechless all the day: however, I was able to write a little, and felt comfortably some part of the day. It refreshed my soul to think of former things, of desires to glorify God, of the pleasures of living to him. “Oh my dear God, I am speedily’ coming to thee, I hope. Hasten the day, oh Lord, if it be thy blessed will. Oh come, Lord Jesus, come quickly. Amen.*”

. Saturday, Sep. 26. I felt the sweetness of divine things this forenoon, and had a consciousness that I was: doing -something for God.

. Lord’s day, Sep. 27. This was a very comfortable day to my soul; I-think, I awoke with Gud. I was enabled to lift up my soul to him, early this morning; and while I had little bodily strength, I found freedom to lift up my heart to God for myself and others. Afterwards, was pleased with the thoughts of speedily entering mto the unseen world.

[Early this morning, as one of the family came into the room, he expressed himself thus: “ I have had more pleasure this morning, than all the drunkards in the world enjoy, if it were all extracted.” So much did he esteem the joy of faith above the pleasures of sin.

He felt that.morning an unusual appetite to food, with which his mind’seemed to be exhilarated, looking on it as a sign of the very near approach of death. He remarked “ 1 was born on a Sabbath day, and have reason to think I was new-born on a Sabbath day, and hope I shall die on this Sabbath day. I shall look upon it as a favour, if it may be the will of God that it should be so: 1 long for the time. Oh ‘ why is his chariot so long in coming; why tarry the wheels of his chariot” I am very willing to part with all:.I am

* "Phis was the last that he ever wrote i in his Diary with his own hand; though it is continued a little farther in a broken manner; written by his bro ther Israel,

-but indited by his mouth in this weak aud dying state..

R 3 246 THE LIFE OF. [PART VIIt.

willing to part with my dear brother John, ‘and never to see

him again, to go to be forever with the Lord:* Ob when I

go there, how will God’s dear church on earth be upon my. mind !”

Afterwards, the same morning, being asked how he. did; he answered, “I am almost in eternity: I-long to be there. My work is done: I have done with all my friends: all the world is nothing to me. 1 long to be'in heaven, praising and glorifying God with the holy angels: all my desire: is to glorify God.”

During the whole of the last two weeks of his. life, he seemed to continue. in this frame; loose from all the world, as having done his work, and done with all things here bes low; having nothing to do but to die, and abiding in an ear-—nest desire and expectation of the happy moment, when his soul should take its flight, and go to a state of absolute perfection. He said, “ That the consideration of the day of. death, and the day of judgment, had a long time been peculiarly sweet to him. He frequently spake of his being willing to leave the body and the world immediately, that day,:. that night, and that moment, if it was the will of God. He —also expressed his longings that the church of Christ on” earth might flourish, and that his kingdom might be advan-. ced, notwithstanding he was about to leave the earth, and: should not with his eyes behold the desirable event, nor be instrumental in promoting it. He said to me one morning as I came into the room, “ My thoughts have been employed on the old dear theme, the prosperity of God’s church on earth. As I waked out of sleep, I: was led to ery for the pouring out of God’s Spirit, and the advancement of,Christ’s kingdom, which the dear Redeemer did and suffered .so much for. It is that especially makes me long for it.” - He expressed much hope that a glorious advancement of Christ’s: kingdom was near at hand.;

He once told me that “ he had formerly longed for. the outpouring of the Spirit of God, and the glorious times. of the church, and d hoped they were, coming; and should have.

* He had before this expressed a “Gisire, if it might be the will of Ged, 1 ta live till his brother returned from New-Jersey; who, when he went away, in, tended if possible to perform his journey, and return in a fortnight; hoping once more to meet his brother in the land of the living. The fortnight was now nearly expired, it ended the next day.. wie * “PART ViI1,} DAVID BRAINERD. 247

. been willing.to have lived to promote religion at that time, if that had been the will of God; but (says he) lam willing it should be as it is. I would not have the choice to make for myself, for ten thousand worlds.” He expressed on his death-bed a full persuasion that he should in heaven see the prosperity of the church on earth, and should rejoice with Christ therein ;-and the consideration. of it seemed to be highly pleasing and satisfying to his mind.

He also still dwelt much on the great importance of the work of ministers of the gospel; and expressed his longings, that they might be jilled with the Spirit of God. He mani, fested much desire to see some of the neighbouring ministers, with whom he was acquainted, and whose sincere friendship he enjoyed, that he might converse freely with them on that subject before he died. And it so happened that he had opportunity withsome of them, according to his desire. |.

Another thing that lay much. on his heart, and which he often mentioned in these near approaches of death, was, the spiritual prosperity of his own congregation of Christian,

ndians in New-Jersey. When he spake of them, it was with peculiar tenderness; so that his speech would be presently interrupted and drowned with tears.

e also expressed much satisfaction in the disposals of Providence, with regard to the circumstances of his death; particularly that God had before his death given him the opportunity he had had at Boston, with so many considerable persons, ministers and. others, to.give in his.testimony for God, and against false religion, and many mistakes that lead ‘to it and promote it; and. there to lay before pious and charitable gentlemen, the state of the Indians, and their necessities, to 80 good effect. s#Also,that Gad had since given him opportunity to write-to them further concerning these affairs, and to write other letters of importance, which he hoped might have some influence on the state of religion among the Indians and elsewhere, after his death. He. expressed great thankfulness to God for his mercy in these things. He also mentioned it as what he accounted a merciful circumstance of his death, that he should die here* Speaking of

* The Editor takes leave to make the remark, that when Mr. Brainerd was ‘ at Boston, sick nigh into death, it was with reluctance he thought of dying in a place where funerals are often attended with pomp and show, which (espe-

cially on occasion of btsown) he was very averse to. And though it was with - some difficulty he got his mind reconciled to the prospect then before him, yet at

“R4 these things, he said, “God had granted him all ‘his desire ;” and signified that now he could with the greater alacrity leave the world.]

Monday, Sep. 28. I was able to read, and make some few corrections in my private writings; but found I could not write as I had done. I felt myself sensibly declined in all respects. It has been only from a little while before noon till about one or two o’clock, that I have been able todo any thing for some time past: yet it refreshed me that [ could do any thing, either public or private, that I hoped was for God.

[This evening he was supposed to be dying: he thought so himself, and was thought so by those who were about him. He seemed glad at the appearance of the near approach of death: He was almost speechless, but his lips appeared to move. One that sat very near him, heard him utter such expressions as these: ‘Come, Lord Jesus, come quickly. —Oh, why is his chariot so long in coming!”—After he revived, he blamed himself for having been too eager to be gone. And in expressing the state of his mind at that time, he said, he then found an inexpressible love to those whom he looked upon as belonging to Christ, beyond almost all that he ever felt before. To use his own words, “it seemed like a little piece of heaven to have one of them near him.” Being asked whether he-heard the prayer that was offered at his desire, he said, “Yes, he ‘heard every word, and had an uncommon sense of the things that were uttered in that prayer, and that every word reached his heart.”

On the evening of Tuesday, Sep. 29, as he lay in his bed, he seemed to be in an extraordinary frame; his mind greatly engaged in meditations concerning the: prosperity of Zion. Two young gentlemen of his acquaintance being present at that time, who were Candidates for the Ministry, he desired us all to unite in singing a Psalm on that subject, even Zion’s prosperity.. At his desire we sung a part of the 102nd

last he was brought to acquiesce in the divine will, with respect to this circumstance ofhis departure. However, it pleased God to order the event so as to gratify his desire, which he had expressed of getting back to Northampton with a view particularly toa more silent and private burial.

“PART VU.) DAVID BRAINERD. 249

-Psalm. This seemed much to refresh and revive him, and gave him new strength. Though before he could scarcely speak at all, he now proceeded, with some freedom of speech, to give his dying counsels to those two young gentlemen forementioned, relative to their preparation for, and prosecution of the work of the ministry for which they were designed ;: and in particular, earnestly recommended to them frequent secret fasting and prayer. He enforced his counsel with regard to this, from his own experience of the great comfort and benefit of it; which (said he) I should not mention, were it not that I am a dying person. After he had finished his counsel, he prayed in the audience of us all; making supplication for this family, for his brethren, and those candidates for the ministry, and for his own congregation, more espe-_. cially for-the reviving and flourishing of religion in the world.

Till now, he had sat up part of every day; but after this he never rose from his bed.]

Wednesday, Sep. 30. I was obliged to keep my bed the whole day, through weakness. However, I redeemed a little time, and with the help of my brother, read and corrected, about a dozen pages in my manuscript, giving an account of my conversion.

Thursday, Oct. 1. I endeavoured again to do something by way of writing, but soon found my powers of body and mind utterly fail. Did not feel so happy as when I was able to do something that I hoped would do some good. In the evening, was discomposed and wholly delirious; but it, was not long before God was pleased to give me some sleep, and fully composed my mind.* Blessed be God for his: great goodness to me, since I was'so low at Mr. Bromfield’s, on Thursday, June 18. He has, except those few minutes, given me the clear exercise of my reason, and enabled me to labour much for him, in things both of a public and private nature, and perhaps to do more good than I should have done if 1 had been well. He has also been pleased to refresh my soul with the comfortable influences of his blessed Spirit. May his- name have all the glory for ever and ever. Amen., a

* Prom this time forward, he had the free use of his reason till'the day before

_ hit death; ‘excepting that at times he appeared .a little lost for a moment, at first waking out of sleep,

250 THE LIFE OF [PART VIL},

Friday, Oct. 2. My soul was. this day sweetly set on God. I longed to. be with him, that | might behold his glory. I could commit all to bim, even my dearest friends, my dearest flock, my abseat brother, and all my concerns for time and eternity. Ob that his kingdom might come, that all might love and glorify him, for what he is in himself; and that the blessed Redeemer might see of the travail of his - soul, and be satisfied! Oh, come, Lord Jesus, came quickly;. Amen.*

{The next evening, we very much expected bis brother John from New-Jersey, it being about a week after the time he proposed to return. And though our expectations were still disappointed, yet Mr. Brainerd seemed to continue unmoved, i: the same calm and peaceful frame before mani- - fested; as having resigned all to God, and having done with his friends, and with all things here below.

On the morning of the next day, being Lord’s day, October 4, as my daughter Jerusha (who chiefly tended him) came into the room, he looked on her very pleasantly, and. said, “ Dear Jerusha, are you willing to part with me?—I | am quite willing to part with you: I am willing to part with all my friends: | am willing to part with my dear brother John, although I love him the best of any creature living. I have committed him and all my friends to God, and can leave them with him. Though, if I thought I should not see you, and be happy with you in another world, I could not bear to part with you. But we shall spend a happy eternity together.+” dn the evening, as one came into the

* Here ends his Diary: these are the last words that are written in it, either by his own hand, or by any other from his mouth..

t Since this, it has pleased a holy and sovereign God-to take away this my dear child by death, on the 14th of February, next following; after a short illness of five days, in the eighteenth year of her age. She was a person of —much the same spirit with Mr. Brainerd. She bad constantly taken care of, and attended him in his sickness, for nineteen weeks before his death; devoting herself to it with great delight, because she considered him as an emi- —nent servant of Jesus Christ. In this time he had much conversation with her on things of religion; and in his dying state, often expressed to us, her parents, his great satisfaction concerning her true piety, and his confidence that ke should meet her in heaven; and his high opinion of ber, not only as a trae Christian, but a very eminent saint; one whose soul was uncommenly fed and entertained with things that appertain to the most spiritual, experimental,

distinguishing parts of religion; and one who, by the temper of her mind, wag fitted to deny herself for God, and to do good, beyond any young woman PART YUL] ‘DAVID ‘BRAINERD. ast

room with a Bible in her hand, he expressed himself thus; “ Olr that dear beok; that lovely book! 1. shall soon see it opened: the mysteries that are in it, and the mysteries of @od’s providence, will be all unfolded.”

His distemper now very. apparently preyed on his vitals; not by a sudden breaking of ulcers in his lungs, as at Boston, but by a constant discharge .of purulent ‘matter in great quantities; so that what he brought up by expectoration seemed to be as it were mouthfuls of almost clear Put, attended with great inward pain and distress.

On Thursday, Oct. 6, he lay for a considerable time as if he were dying. He was then heard to utter in broken whispers, such expressions as these: “ He will come, he will. not tarry—I shall soon be in‘glory—I shall soon glorify God with the angels.” But after some time he revived.

The next day, Wednesday, Oct, 7, his brother Joba arrived, being returned from New-Jersey; where he had been detained much longer than he intended, by a mortal sickness prevailing among the Christian Indians, and by ‘some other things in their circumstances that made his stay with them necessary. Mr. Brainerd was affected and re~ freshed with seeing him, and appeared fally satisfied: with: the reasons of his delay; seeing the interest of religion and of the souls of his people required it.

-’ The next day, Thursday, Oct: 8, he was in great distress and agonies of body; and for the greater part of the day, was much disordered as to the exercise of his reason. In the evening he was more composed, and had the use of his reason well; but the pain of his body continued and increased. He told me it was ‘impossible’ for ‘any one to conceive of the distress he felt in his breast. .He manifested much concern’ lest he should dishonour God by i impatience, ander his extreme agony; which was such, that he said, the thought of. enduring it one minute longer was almost insupportable. _ He desired that others would be much in lifting up their hearts continually to God for him, that he would support him and give him patience. He signified that he expected

whatsoever that he knew of. She had manifested a heart uncommonly de- Voted to God, many years before her death; and said on her death-bed, that “ she had not seen one minute for several years, wherein she desired to live one minute longer, for the sake of any other good in life but doing good, living t0 God, and doing what might be for his glory.”

£52 THE LIFE OF, &e. {PART Viléa to die that night, but seemed to fear a longer delay; and the

disposition of his mind with regard to death appeared still’. the same as it had been all along. And notwithstanding his |

bodily agonies, yet the interest of Zion lay still with great weight on his mind; as appeared by some considerable discourse he had that evening with the Rev. Mr. Billing, one of the neighbouring ministers, (who was then present,) concerning the great importance of the work of the ministry, &c. Afterwards, very late at night, he had much profitable discourse with his brother John, concerning his congregution. in New-Jersey, and the interest of religion among the. In-. dians. In the latter part of the night, his bodily distress seemed to rise to a greater height than ever; and he said to ‘ those then about him, that “ it was another thing to die, than people imagined ;” explaining himself to mean that they were not aware what bodily pain and anguish is undergone before death. Towards day, his eyes fixed; and he continued lying immoveable, till about six o’clock in the morning, and then expired, on Friday, October 9, 1747, when his

soul, as-we may well conclude, was received by his dear. ..

Lord and Master,-as an eminently faithful servant, into that state of perfection of holinesss and fruition of God, which he had so often and so ardently longed for; and was welcomed by the glorious assembly in the upper world, as one peculiarly fitted to join them in their blessed employments and enjoyments.

Much respect was shewn to his memory at his funeral; which was on the Monday following, after a sermon preached the same day, on that solemn occasion. His funeral was attended by eight of the neighbouring ministers, and seventeen other gentlemen of liberal education, and a great concourse of people.]