prayer, unto thee shall all flesh come. Blessed is the man whom
65. I felt every word of it for my friend, particularly, "Thou that hearest the prayer, unto thee shall all flesh come. Blessed is the man whom
thou choosest and receivest unto thee: he shall dwell in thy court, and
shall be satisfied with the plenteousness of thy house, even of thy holy
temple. Thou shalt show us wonderful things in thy righteousness, O
God of our salvation, thou that art the hope of all the ends of the
earth," &c.
Seeing the great confidence of Mr. Bray, and the deep humility of Mr.
Piers, I began to think the promise would be fulfilled before we left the
room. My fellow-worker with God seemed full of faith and the Holy
Ghost, and told him, "If you can but touch the hem of his garment, you
shall be made whole." We prayed for him a third time, the Spirit
greatly helping our infirmities, and then asked if he believed. He
answered," Yes:" the Spirit witnessing with our spirits, that his heart was as our heart. Bray said, "I now know of a truth that Christ is in
you." We were all filled with joy; returned thanks, and prayed for a
blessing on his ministry; and then brought him down in triumph. Miss
Betsy was greatly strengthened hereby, and bold to confess "she
believed." All her speech now was, "I only hope that I shall never lose this comfort."
The day was spent in prayer and conference. Mrs. Piers was, with all
ease, convinced of unbelief. After supper I discoursed on faith from
the lesson. The poor servants received the word gladly.
Sun., June 11th. While Mr. Piers was preaching upon death, I found great joy in feeling myself willing, or rather desirous, to die. After
prayers we joined in intercession for Mr. and Mrs. Delamotte; then for
poor Hetty: I received much comfort in reading Luther.
We took coach for church. In singing I observed Hetty join with a
mixture of fear and joy. I earnestly prayed, and expected she should
meet with something to confirm her in the service. Both the Psalms
and lessons were full of consolation.
We adjourned to Mr. Piers, and joined in prayer for a poor woman in
despair, one Mrs. Searl, whom Satan had bound these many years. I
saw her pass by in the morning, and was touched with a sense of her
misery. After pleading his promise of being with us to the end of the
world, we went down to her in the name of Jesus. I asked her, whether
she thought God was love; and not anger, as Satan would persuade her.
Then I preached the Gospel, which she received with all imaginable
eagerness. When we had for some time continued together in prayer,
she rose up another creature, strongly and explicitly [declaring] her
faith in the blood of Christ, and full persuasion that she was accepted
in the Beloved. Hetty then declared, that she could not but believe
Christ died for her, even for her. We gave thanks for both, with much
exultation and triumph.
After family prayer I expounded the lesson, and, going up to my
chamber, asked the maid (Mary) how she found herself. She answered,
"O, Sir, what you said was very comfortable, how that Christ was made
sin for me, that I might be made the righteousness of God in him; that
is, he was put in my place, and I in his." "Do you then believe this, that Christ died for you?" "Yes, I do believe it; and I found myself so as I never did before, when you spoke the word." "But do you find within
yourself, that your sins are forgiven?" "Yes, I do." These and the like answers, which she made with great simplicity, convinced me, that
faith had come to her by hearing. We joined in giving glory to God; for
we perceived and confessed it was his doing. It pleased him likewise
to bless me with a deep and hitherto unknown dread of ascribing
anything to myself.
Mon., June 12th. This morning Mrs. Piers told me, she had always
doubted her having true faith; but now declared with tears, she was convinced her sins were forgiven, and she did believe indeed. We all
went to Mrs. Searl, in strong temptation, nothing doubting but we
should see the power of Christ triumphing over that of Satan. The
enemy had got no advantage over her, though he had laboured all
night to trouble and confound her. As often as she named the name of
Jesus, he was repelled, and her soul at peace. We were much edified by
her deep humility, and preached the Gospel to her and her husband,
who received it readily. After prayer she rose with, "How shall I be
thankful enough to my Saviour". We parted in a triumphant hymn.
Tues., June 13th. Mr. Piers was sent for to a dying woman. She was in
despair, "having done so much evil, and so little good." He declared to her the glad tidings of salvation, that as all her good, were it ten
thousand times more, could never save her, so all her evil could never
hurt her, - if she could repent and believe; if she could lay hold on
Christ by a living faith, and look for salvation by grace only. This was
comfort indeed. She gladly quitted her own merits for Christ's; the
Holy Ghost wrought faith in her heart, which she expressed in a calm,
cheerful, triumphant expectation of death. Her fears and agonies were
at an end. Being justified by faith, she had peace with God; and only
entered farther into her rest, by dying a few hours after. The
spectators were melted into tears. She calmly passed into the heavenly
Canaan, and has there brought up a good report of her faithful Pastor,
who, under Christ, hath saved her soul from death.
These were the first-fruits of his ministry; and I find him strengthened
hereby, and more assured that the Gospel is the power of God unto
salvation, to every one that believes. In the evening Mr. Delamotte
returned.
Wed., June 14th. After morning prayer in the little chapel, I kept
Hannah from going, that we might first pray for her: but we quickly
found there was greater cause of thanksgiving. She told me she was
reading a collect last night, which gave her vast pleasure: "Almighty
God, whom truly to know is eternal life, grant us perfectly to know thy
Son Jesus Christ, to be the way, the truth, and the life." "To be sure, Sir,"
said she, "I found myself so easy immediately, that I cannot tell you." A few questions fully satisfied us, that she was a true believer.
Poor Hetty was tempted to imagine she did not believe, because she had not been affected exactly in the same manner with others. We
used a prayer for her, and parted.
On the road I overtook Frank, and asked what he thought of these
things. He answered, "I was greatly delighted with one thing you said,
how that Christ was made sin for us, that we might be made the
righteousness of God in him." Upon farther examination I found him
manifestly in the faith. We talked and rejoiced together, till we came to
Eltham. He there left me, resolved to publish everywhere what things
Jesus had done for him.
The coach was filled with young ladies. I was forced to leave off
reading, that I might interrupt their scandal. At London I was
informed that my brother was gone with Mr. Ingham and Tilchig, to
Hernhuth. The news surprised, but did not disquiet, me.
Thur., June 15th. I was sent for to baptize a child. It gave me occasion
to speak upon faith. One of the company was full of self-righteousness.
The rest were more patient of the truth, being only gross sinners.
Fri., June 16th. After dinner Jack Delamotte came for me. We took
coach; and by the way he told me, that when we were last together at
Blendon, in singing, "Who for me, for me hast died," he found the
words sink into his soul; could have sung for ever, being full of delight
and joy: since then has thought himself led as it were in everything;
feared nothing so much as offending God; could pray with life; and, in
a word, found that he did indeed believe in the Lord Jesus.
I was in the coach with Miss Delamotte. While it stopped I got out to
reprove a man for swearing. He thanked me most heartily. We took up
Hetty at Blendon, and went on to Bexley.
The next day (Sat., June 17th) we saw, and prayed with, Mrs. Searl, to
our mutual encouragement. Mr. Searl heard us gladly. The afternoon
we passed with our friends at Blendon. Here I was stopped by the
return of my pain, and forced to bed. Desires of death continually rose
in me, which I laboured to check, not daring to form any wish
concerning it.
Sun., June 18th. The pain abated; and the next day left me.
Wed., June 21st. I was concerned at having been here several days, and done nothing. I preached forgiveness to Mr. Piers's man, who seemed
well disposed for receiving it, by a true simplicity. We prayed together,
and went to public prayers. In the second lesson was the paralytic
healed. I came home with the Miss Delamottes, Mrs. Searl, and the
man, who declared before us all, that God had given him faith by
hearing the sick of the palsy healed. We returned hearty thanks.
The Lord gave us more matter for thanksgiving at Blendon, where I
read my brother's sermon on faith. When it was over, the gardener
declared, faith had come to him by hearing it, and he had no doubt of
his sins being forgiven. "Nay, was I to die just now," he added, "I know I should be accepted through Christ Jesus."
Thur., June 22nd. I comforted Hetty, under a strong temptation,
because she was not in all points affected like other believers,
especially the poor; who have generally a much larger degree of
confidence than the rich and learned. I had a proof of this to-day at Mr.
Searl's, where, meeting a poor woman, and convincing her of unbelief,
I used a prayer for her, that God who hath chosen the poor of this
world to be rich in faith, would now impart to her his unspeakable
gift. In the midst of the prayer she received it; avowed it openly, and
increased visibly therein.
In the evening we had a meeting at Mr. Piers's, and read my brother's
sermon. God set his seal to the truth of it, by sending his Spirit upon
Mr. Searl, and a maid-servant, purifying their hearts by faith. This
occasioned our triumphing in the name of Jesus our God.
Fri., June 23rd. I attended Mr. Piers to a poor old woman, whom he
could never prevail upon to go to church. I expected we should be
called to preach the law; but found her ready for the Gospel, and glad
to exchange her merits for Christ's. The evening we passed among our
little flock, and parted full of comfort, and peace, and joy.
Sat., June 24th. Riding to Blendon in the morning, I met William
Delamotte, just come from Cambridge. He had left town well-disposed
to the obedience of faith; but now I observed his countenance altered.
He had been strongly prejudiced by the good folk at London. At
Blendon I found Mr. Delamotte, not over-cordial, yet civil: met letters
from my mother, heavily complaining of my brother's forsaking her, and requiring me to accept of the first preferment that offered, on
pain of disobedience. This a little disquieted me. I was not much
comforted by William Delamotte; but extremely moved for him, and
could not refrain from tears. His sisters joined us. I began preaching
faith, and free grace. His objection was, that it was unjust in God to
make sinners equal with us, who had laboured perhaps many years.
We proposed singing an hymn. He saw the title, "Faith in Christ," and owned he could not bear it.
In our way to church, I again proclaimed to him the, glad tidings of
salvation. He was exceeding heavy, and, by his own confession,
miserable; yet could he not receive this saying, "We are justified freely by faith alone." The lesson comforted me concerning him. "Behold, I
will send my messenger, and he shall prepare the way before me: and
the Lord, whom ye seek, shall suddenly come to his temple, even the
messenger of the covenant, whom ye delight in: behold, he shall come,
saith the Lord." To all such as think it hard to lose the merit of their
good works, the Scripture spake as follows: "Your words have been
stout against me, saith the Lord: yet ye say, What have we spoken so
much against thee? Ye have said, It is vain to serve God: and what
profit is it that we have kept his ordinances, and that we have walked
mournfully before the Lord of hosts."
Sun., June 25th. I stayed to preach faith to Mrs. Delamotte, whom
Providence brought home yesterday, I trust, for that very purpose. I
was so faint and full of pain, that I had not power to speak: but I had
no sooner begun my sermon than all my weakness vanished. God gave
me strength and boldness: and after an hour's speaking, I found
myself perfectly well. I went and accosted Mrs, Delamotte in her pew:
just as shy as I expected. Let it work: God look to the event!
After evening prayer, she just spake to me: Betsy wondered she could
bring herself to it. My sermon (I heard) occasioned much disturbance
to more than her. M. Sear at night was full of triumph.
Men., June 26th. I waited upon Mrs. Delamotte, expecting what
happened. She fell abruptly upon my sermon, for the false doctrine
therein. I answered, "I staked my all upon the truth of it." She went on, 148
"It is hard people must have their children seduced in their absence, If every one must have your faith, what will become of all the world.
Have you this assurance, Mr. Piers" "Yes, Madam, in some degree: I
thank God for it." "I am sorry to hear it." One of the company cried, "I am glad to hear it, and bless God for him, and wish all mankind had it
too."
She moved for reading a sermon of Archbishop Sharp's, Piers read. We
excepted continually to his unscriptural doctrine. Much dispute
ensued. She accused my brother with preaching an instantaneous
faith. "As to that," I replied, "we cannot but speak the things which we have seen and heard. I received it in that manner; as have above thirty
others in my presence." She started up, said she could not bear it, and
ran out of the house. William protested against her behaviour. In the
beginning, I had found the old man rise; but I grew calmer and calmer,
he longer we talked. Glory be to God through Christ! I offered to go,
but they would not let me. Betsy went and at last prevailed upon her
to come in. Nothing more was said, At six I took my leave. Poor
Hannah and Mary came to the door, and caught hold of my hand.
Hannah cried, "Don't be discouraged, Sir: I hope we shall all continue
steadfast." I could not refrain from tears. Hetty came in: I exhorted her to persevere. I took horse. William seemed much better disposed than
his mother; promised to come and see me the next day. I joined with
Mr. Piers in singing, "Shall I, for fear of feeble man, Thy Spirit's course in me restrain?" and in hearty prayer for Mrs. Delamotte.
Tues., June 27th. Calling upon poor Goody Dickenson, I asked, if she
had now forgiveness. "Yes," said she, "I received it in the midst of your sermon." "Do you then believe Christ died for you in particulars?" "Yes, to be sure: I must believe it, if I would not deny the Scripture."
She expressed strong confidence in God; appeared full of love to two
beggars that called; believed she should be saved, if she died just now;
would come to church, if all in rags. In short, she left me no reason to
doubt, but that she was taken in at the eleventh hour, being now near
fourscore.
Coming back to Mr. Pier's, I found W. Delamotte. I was full of hope for
him. he told me he had wrote two sheets against the truth; but in
seeking after more texts, had met one that quite spoiled it all. "Not but works of righteousness which we have done, but according to his
mercy he saved us." This convinced him; and immediately he burnt all
he had wrote. I asked what it was he still stuck at. "Nothing" said he,
"but God's giving faith instantaneously." I replied, that alone hindered his receiving it just now; no more preparation being absolutely
necessary thereto, than what God is pleased to give.
We were directed to many apposite scriptures, particularly Luke 7:47:
"Wherefore I say unto thee, Her sins, which are many, are forgiven."
John 20:27, 28: "Then said he to Thomas, Reach hither thy finger, and
behold my hands; and reach hither thy hand, and thrust it into my
side: and be not faithless, but believing. And Thomas answered and
said unto him, My Lord and my God."
We went to prayers, pleaded the promises for him with great
earnestness and tears: then read 2 These. 1:11, 12: "Wherefore also
we pray always for you, that our God would count you worthy of this
calling, and fulfil all the good pleasure of his goodness, and the work
of faith with power: that the name of our Lord Jesus Christ may be
glorified in you, and ye in him, according to the grace of our God and
the Lord Jesus Christ." I observed the workings of God strong upon
him, and prayed again. Then read the scriptures that first offered: -
Titus 3:5: "Not by works of righteousness which we have done," &c.
(The very text that stopped him in the morning.) Amos 4:12: "Because
I will do this to thee, prepare to meet thy God." Psalm 38:6: "God
setteth the solitary in families, he bringeth out those which are bound
with chains:" and lastly, Psalm 66:20: "Blessed be God, which hath not turned away my prayer, nor hls mercy from me."
While we were praying, and singing, and reading, alternately, a poor
man, one Mr. Heather, came to talk with me. He had heard and liked
the sermon upon faith. I asked him whether he had faith. "No."
Whether forgiveness of sins. "No." Whether there was or could be any good in him till he believed. "No." "But do you think Christ cannot give you faith and forgiveness in this hour?" "Yes, to be sure he can." "And do you believe his promise, that when two of his disciples shall agree
upon earth, as touching anything they shall ask of him, he will give it
them?" "I do." "Why, then, here is our Minister, and I agree to ask faith 150
for you." "Then I believe I shall receive it before I go out of the room."
We went to prayer directly; pleaded the promise; and rising, asked
him whether he believed. His answer was, "Yes, I do believe with all
my heart. I believe Christ died for my sins. I know they are all forgiven.
I desire only to love him. I would suffer anything for him: could lay
down my life for him this moment." I turned to my scholar, and said,
"Do you now believe that God can give faith instantaneously" He was
too full to speak; but told me afterwards, he envied the unopposing
ignorance and simplicity of the poor, and wished himself that illiterate
carpenter.
Next day I returned to town, rejoicing that God had added to his living
church seven more souls through my ministry. "Not unto me, O Lord,
not unto me, but to thy name be the praise, for thy loving-mercy, and
for thy truth's sake." I had hopes of seeing greater things than these,
from a scripture He this day directed me to: Luke 5:9: "For he was
astonished, and all that were with him, at the draught of fishes which
they had taken."
I went to Mr. Sims's, in expectation of Christ. Several of our friends
were providentially brought thither. We joined in singing and prayer.
The last time we prayed, I could not leave off, but was still forced to go
on. I rose at last, and saw Mr. Chapman still kneeling. I opened the
book, and read aloud, "And, behold, a woman, which was diseased
with an issue of blood twelve years, came behind him, and touched the
hem of his garment: for she said within herself, If I may but touch his
garment, I shall be whole. And Jesus turned him about, and when he
saw her, he said, Daughter, be of good comfort; thy faith hath made
thee whole. And the woman was made whole from that hour." My
heart burned within me, while I was reading: at the same time I heard
him cry out, with great struggling, "I do believe." We lifted him up; for he had not power to rise of himself, being quite helpless, exhausted,
and in a profuse sweat. An old believer among us owned himself
affected with a wonderful sympathy. We had the satisfaction of seeing
Mr. Chapman increase in faith; and returned most hearty thanks to the
God of his and our salvation.
Thur., June 29th. Miss Suky Claggett called, and to my no small comfort
informed me of her sister's lately receiving faith. She likewise brought me an invitation from her mother. Mrs. Turner would have sent for
her, (Miss B. Claggett,) but I would not suffer it; that I might have no
hand at all in the matter. I sat down to write; when Miss Betsy came
for me. We joined in thanksgiving for her, and intercession for her
mother; and then took coach. Mrs. Turner made the fourth.
I sought to the oracle for direction, and was much strengthened by the
answer, from Acts 10:29: "Therefore came I unto you without
gainsaying, as soon as I was sent for: I ask therefore for what intent ye
have sent for me" What makes it more remarkable is, that it is St.
Peter's day. We all conceived great hopes of Mrs. Claggett. I found her
very courteous, well-disposed, emptied of herself. We sang, and at her
desire prayed together. She freely confessed how greatly she had been
prejudiced against the truth; but was thoroughly satisfied by my
reading the sermon. I prayed after it, without much affection; again
with more; and the third time strongly moved. I knew that she
believed. I believed for her. The Scripture gave the strongest testimony
of it. At first she said, she must not presume to say she believed; but
grew more and more confirmed. I left her, in confidence God would
soon clear up his own work in her soul, beyond all doubt or
contradiction. Soon after, to keep me from being lifted up, the
messenger of Satan was suffered to buffet me.
Fri., June 30th. Thanks be to God, the first thing I felt to-day was a fear
of pride, and desire of love. Betsy Delamotte called, and gave me the
following letter: -
"Dear Sir, - God hath heard your prayers. Yesterday, about twelve, He
put his fiat to the desires of his distressed servant; and, glory be to
Him, I have enjoyed the fruits of his Holy Spirit ever since. The only
uneasiness I feel is, want of thankfulness and love for so unspeakable
a gift. But I am confident of this also, that the same gracious Hand
which hath communicated, will communicate even unto the end.
"I am your sincere friend in Christ, "W. DELEMOTTE.
"O my friend, I am free indeed! I agonized some time betwixt darkness
and light; but God was greater than my heart, and burst the cloud, and
broke down the partition-wall, and opened to me the door of faith."
In reading this, I felt true thankfulness, and was quite melted down with God's goodness to my friend.
I followed his guidance in the afternoon to Mr. Sim's. We spent the
time as usual. Mrs. Chapman called; said she could not stay; yet stayed
prayers. I was much assisted: rose, and asked her whether she
believed. "I do not know but I do; for I never found myself so in my
life; so strangely warmed! I seem to have a fire within me. I thought,
while kneeling down, 'How could I expect to receive faith, when so
many better than I were here?' It then came into my mind, that I had
left my money upon the stall; but God, thought I, could take care of it,
or give me a better thing." We concluded the day with prayer at Mr.
Bray's.
Sat., July 1st. I was again at Mrs. Claggett's. The eldest daughter and
Mrs. Claggett joined us. I related the cure of the lame girl at Bath. She
rejoiced to hear a person might have faith, and have it long obscured
by worldly cares, yet not lost: said the maid's case was hers; professed
her now believing, and owned the darkness she had long lain under, a
just punishment for her not giving God the glory. We sang, and
rejoiced together, and went to the house of God as friends. In the
lesson He related his past kindness to her. "And he was teaching in one
of the synagogues on the Sabbath-day. And, behold, there was a
woman which had a spirit of infirmity eighteen years, and was bowed
together, and could in no wise lift up herself. And when Jesus saw her,
he called her to him, and said unto her, Woman, thou art loosed from
thine infirmity. And he laid his hands on her: and immediately she was
made straight, and glorified God." Mrs. Claggett was deeply affected;
and told me afterwards, that her not following the woman's example
of glorifying God, had occasioned all the troubles of her life: but she
was now resolved, as far as in her lay, to repair her past
unfaithfulness.
At Mr. Sims's I was extremely averse to prayer; would fain have stole
away without it: but Mr. Bray stopped me, saying, my deadness could
not hinder God, and forced me to pray. I had scarce begun, when l was
quite melted down, and prayed more fervently than ever before. A
poor man, who came in at the beginning of the prayer, now confessed
his faith before us all, being full of joy and triumph. "He never found
himself so before; knew his sins were forgiven; could gladly die that moment."
Sun., July 2nd. Being to preach this morning for the first time, I
received strength for the work of the ministry, in prayer and singing.
The whole service at Basingshaw was wonderfully animating,
especially the Gospel concerning the miraculous draught of fishes. I
preached salvation by faith to a deeply attentive audience: I gave the
cup.
Observing a woman full of reverence, I asked her if she had
forgiveness of sins. She answered, with great sweetness and humility,
"Yes, I know it now that I have forgiveness."
I preached again at London-Wall, without fear or weariness. As I was
going into the church, a woman caught hold of my hand, and blessed
me most heartily, telling me she had received forgiveness of sins while
I was preaching in the morning.
In the evening we met, a troop of us, at Mr. Slms's. There was one Mrs.
Harper there, who had this day in like manner received the Spirit, by
the hearing of faith; but feared to confess it. We sung the hymn to
Christ. At the words, "Who for me, for me hath died," she burst out
into tears and outcrles, "I believe, I believe!" and sunk down. She
continued, and increased in the assurance of faith; full of peace, and
joy, and love.
We sang and prayed again. I observed one of the maids run out, and,
following, found her full of tears, and joy, and love. I asked what ailed
her. She answered, as soon as joy would let her, that "Christ died for
her!" She appeared quite overpowered with his love.
Mon., July 3rd. I had some discourse with my friendly namesake,
Charles Rivington. I begged him to suspend his judgement, till he
heard me preach.
Tues., July 4th. I received a letter from my brother at Tiverton, full of
heavy charges. At Mr. Sparks's I found Jephtha Harris. I convinced him
so far, that he owned he had been prejudiced against the truth; and
had not faith. I carried him to Mr. Bray's; prayed over him, and pleaded
the promises. All were much affected.
I corrected a sermon of Mr. Sparks's on justification. Took coach for Bexley. In the way I was enabled to pray for my brother. I heard a good
account of Mrs. Delamotte, that she was almost beat out of her own
righteousness.
Honest Frank made one of our congregation this evening, and gave a
comfortable account of the little flock at Blendon. I received a fuller
from Hetty; informing me that her mother was convinced of unbelief,
and much ashamed of her behaviour towards me.
Wed., July 5th. William Delamotte came, and rejoiced with me for all
God had done. We brought a woman home from church, and laboured
hard to convince her she deserved hell. Another confessed her having
received forgiveness of sins in sickness.
Fri., July 7th. Mrs. Delamotte followed me from church, sent for me
down, hoped she did not interrupt me. Her third sentence was, "Well,
Mr. Wesley, are you still angry with me?" "No, Madam," I answered,
"nor ever was. Before I gave myself time to consider, I was myself so
violent against the truth, that I know to make allowance for others."
Here we came to a full explanation; produced the scriptures which
prove our justification by faith only, the witness of the Spirit, &c. By
these, and an excellent sermon of Bishop Beveridge's on the subject,
she seemed thoroughly convinced. All she stuck at was, the
instantaneousness of faith, or, in other words, the possibility of any
one's perceiving when the life of faith first began.
She carried me in her coach to Blendon, where the poor servants were
overjoyed to see me once more. While we were praying for her, she
sent for me up to her closet. I found her quite melted into an humble,
contrite, longing frame of spirit. She showed me several prayers
attesting the true faith, especially that of Bishop Taylor: "I know, O
Blessed Jesus, that thou didst take upon thee my nature, that thou
mightest suffer for my sins; that thou didst suffer to deliver me from
them, and from thy Father's wrath. And I was delivered from his
wrath, that I might serve thee, in holiness and righteousness all my
days. Lord, I am as sure thou didst the great work of redemption for
me, and for all mankind, as that I am alive. This is my hope, the
strength of my spirit, my joy, and my confidence. And do thou never let
the spirit of unbelief enter into me, and take me from this rock. Here I will dwell; for I have a delight therein. Here I will live, and here I
desire to die."
She asked me what she could do more, being convinced of her want of
faith, and not able to give it herself. I preached the freeness of the
grace, and betook myself to prayer for her, labouring, sighing, looking
for the witness of the Spirit, the fulness of the promises, in her behalf.
I conjured her to expect continually the accomplishment of the
promise, and not think her confessed unworthiness any bar. Next
morning I returned to town.
Sun., July 9th. I preached my brother's sermon upon faith at, and a
second time in St. Sepulchre's vestry. In walking home with Mrs.
Barton, I said, "Surely there must be something which you are not
willing to give up, or God would have given you comfort before now."
She answered only by her tears. After praying for her at Mr. Bray's, I
lay down; rose; stopped her going home, and carried her with James
and Mrs. Turner from the company to pray. After prayer, in which I
was much assisted, I found her under a great concern, trembling, and
cold; longing, yet dreading, to say "she believed." We prayed again. She then said, with much struggling, "Lord, I believe; help thou my
unbelief." She repeated it several times, and gained strength by each
repetition.
Mon., July 10th. At Mr. Sparks's request, I went with him, Mr. Bray, and
Mr. Burnham, to Newgate; and preached to the ten malefactors, under
sentence of death; but with a heavy heart. My old prejudices against
the possibility of a death-bed repentance still hung upon me; and I
could hardly hope there was mercy for those whose time was so short.
But in the midst of my languid discourse, a sudden spirit of faith came
upon me, and I promised them all pardon, in the name of Jesus Christ,
if they would then, as at the last hour, repent, and believe the Gospel.
Nay, I did believe they would accept of the proffered mercy, and could
not help telling them, "l had no doubt hut God would give me every
soul of them."
In going to Mr. Chapman's I met Margaret Beutiman, and bade her
follow, for we were several of us to join in prayer there. James Hutton,
Mr. Holland, Mr. and Mrs. Sims got thither soon after us. We sang, and pleaded the promises. In the midst of prayer, Margaret received the
atonement, and professed her faith without wavering; her love to
Christ, and willingness to die that moment. We returned thanks for
her, and I then offered to go. They pressed me to stay a little longer: I
did so, and heard Mrs. Storer, a Sister of Mr. Bray's, complain of the
hardness of her heart. She owned she had been under the utmost
uneasiness, since our last meeting at her brother's, unable to pray, or
find any rest to her soul. While we were singing the hymn to the
Father, she did find the rest she sighed after; was quite pierced, as she
said, her heart ready to burst, and her whole nature overpowered. We
went to prayers, and then opened the scripture, "I thank thee, O
Father, Lord of heaven and earth, that thou hast hid these things from
the wise and prudent, and hast revealed them unto babes." She then
was strengthened to profess her faith, and increased in peace and joy.
As we walked, she said she could not have conceived how these things
could he; what the change was which we spoke of. Her faith was
farther confirmed by public prayer; and she continued all the evening
full of comfort, and peace that passeth all understanding.
Tues., July 11th. I preached with earnestness to the prisoners from the
second lesson. One or two of them were deeply affected. At Bray's I
found a letter from W. Delamotte, and read, with joy and thankfulness,
as follows: -
"I cannot keep pace: the mercies of God come in so abundantly on our
unworthy family, that I am not able to declare them. Yet, as they are
his blessings through your ministry, I must inform you of them, as
they will strengthen your hands, and prove helpers of your joy.
"Great, then, I believe, was the struggle between nature and grace in
the soul of my mother; but God, who knoweth the very heart and
reins, hath searched her out. Her spirit, like Naaman's flesh, is
returned as that of a little child. She is converted, and Christ hath
spoken peace to her soul. This work was begun in her the morning
you left us, though she concealed it from you.
"When she waked, the following scripture was strongly suggested to
her: 'Either what woman, having ten pieces of silver, if she lose one,
doth not light a candle, and sweep the house, and seek diligently till she find it.' She rose immediately, took up Bishop Taylor, and opened
upon a place which so strongly asserted this living faith, that she was
fully convinced. But the enemy preached humility to her; that she
could not deserve so great a gift. However, God still pursued, and she
could not long forbear communicating the emotion of her soul to me.
We prayed, read, and conversed for an hour; the Lord made use of a
mean instrument to convince her of her ignorance in the word.
Throughout that day her mind was more and more enlightened, till at
length she broke out, 'Where have I been? I know nothing; I see
nothing. My mind is all darkness. How have I opposed the Scripture!'
The tempter, thus enraged, excited all his powers to persuade her she
was labouring after something that was not to be attained; but Christ
suffered her not to fall. She flew to him in prayer and singing; and
though Satan damped her much, yet could he not conquer her,
because that which was conceived in her was of the Holy Ghost.
"She continued agonizing all the evening. But how can I utter the
sequel The first object of her thoughts the next morning was Christ.
She saw him approaching; and seeing, loved, believed, adored. Her
prayers drew him still nearer; and everything she saw concurred to
hasten the embrace of her Beloved. Thus she continued in the Spirit
till four; when, reading in her closet, she received the kiss of
reconciliation. Her own soul could not contain the joys attending it.
She could not forbear imparting to her friends and neighbours that
she had found the piece which she had lost. Satan in vain attempted to
shake her; for she felt in herself, Faith's assurance, hope's increase, All
the confidence of love.'"
Mr. Sparks this morning asked me whether I would preach for him at
St. Helen's. I agreed to supply Mr. Broughtoffs place, who is now at
Oxford, arming our friends against the faith. The pain in my side was
very violent; but I looked up to Christ, and owned his healing power.
At the same time, that came into my mind, "Out of weakness were
made strong." No sooner did I enter the coach than the pain left me,
and I preached faith in Christ to a vast congregation, with great
boldness, adding much extempore.
After sermon, Mrs. Hind, with whom Mr. Broughton lodges, sent for
me; owned her agreement to the doctrine, and pressed me to come and talk with Mr. Broughton, who, she could not but believe, must
himself agree to it.
From her I went to Mr. Sims, and found that God had set his seal to my
ministry; Mr. Dandy and Miss Branford declaring, faith had come to
them by hearing me. We rejoiced, and gave thanks from the ground of
the heart.
Wed., July 12th. I preached at Newgate to the condemned felons, and
visited one of them in his cell, sick of a fever; a poor black that had
robbed his master. I told him of one who came down from heaven to
save lost sinners, and him in particular; described the sufferings of the
Son of God, his sorrows, agony, and death. He listened with all the
signs of eager astonishment; the tears trickled down his cheeks while
he cried, "What! was it for me? Did God suffer all this for so poor a
creature as me?" I left him waiting for the salvation of God.
In the evening Mr. Washington of Queen's came to dispute with me. I
simply testified my want of faith three months ago, and my having it
now; asked whether he could lay down his life for the truth of his
being in the faith; whether he allowed Christ to be as really present in
the believing soul, as in the third heavens; told him he was yet in his
sins, and knew nothing, and begged him to pray for direction.
Thur., July 13th. I read prayers and preached at Newgate, and
administered the sacrament to our friends, with five of the felons. I
was much affected and assisted in prayer for them; and exhorted them
with great comfort and confidence.
Fri., July 14th. I received the sacrament from the Ordinary; spake
strongly to the poor malefactors; and to the sick Negro in the
condemned hole, moved by his sorrow and earnest desire of Christ
Jesus.
Sat., July 15th. I preached there again with an enlarged heart; and
rejoiced with my poor happy Black; who now believes the Son of God
loved him, and gave himself for him.
Sun. July 16th. Metcalf and Savage came: the latter received faith on
Friday night, in prayer, and is now filled with comfort, peace, and joy. I
took coach with Metcalf; preached the threefold state with boldness; gave the sacrament. I went thence to Mrs. Claggett's; sang, rejoiced,
and gave thanks, in behalf of both the maids, now added to the church
by true divine faith. Mr. Claggett coming in by mistake, we laid hold on
and carried him with us to Black-Friars. Very weak and faint, yet was I
strengthened to preach for above an hour. I was carried to bed full of
pain, expecting my fever; yet believing it could not return, unless it
were best.
Mon., July 17th. I rose free from pain. At Newgate I preached on death
(which they must suffer the day after to-morrow). Mr. Sparks assisted
in giving the sacrament.
Another Clergyman was there. Newington asked me to go in the coach
with him. At one I was with the Black in his cell; James Hutton
assisting. Two more of the malefactors came. I had great help and
power in prayer. One rose, and said, he felt his heart all on fire, so as
he never found himself before; he was all in a sweat; believed Christ
died for him. I found myself overwhelmed with the love of Christ to
sinner. The Black was quite happy. The other criminal was in an
excellent temper; believing, or on the point of it. I talked with another,
concerning faith in Christ: he was greatly moved. The Lord, I trust, will
help his unbelief also.
I joined at Bray's with Hutton, Holland, Burton, in fervent prayer and
thanksgiving. At six I carried Bray and Fish to Newgate again, and
talked chiefly with Hudson and Newington. He declared he had felt,
some time ago in prayer, inexpressible joy and love; but was much
troubled at its being so soon withdrawn. The Lord gave power to pray.
They were deeply affected. We have great hopes of both.
Tues., July 18th. The Ordinary read prayers and preached. I
administered the sacrament to the Black, and eight more; having first
instructed them in the nature of it. I spake comfortably to them
afterwards.
In the cells, one told me, that whenever he offered to pray, or had a
serious thought, something came and hindered him; was with him
almost continually; and once appeared. After we had prayed for him in
faith, he rose amazingly comforted, full of joy and love; so that we
could not doubt his having received the atonement.
At night I was locked in with Bray in one of the cells. We wrestled in
mighty prayer. All the criminals were present; and all delightfully
cheerful. The soldier, in particular, found his comfort and joy increase
every moment. Another, from the time he communicated, has been in
perfect peace. Joy was visible in all their faces. We sang,
"Behold the Saviour of mankind,
Nail'd to the shameful tree!
How vast the love that him inclined
To bleed and die for thee," &c.
It was one of the most triumphant hours I have ever known. Yet on
Wed., July 19th, I rose very heavy, and backward to visit them for the
last time. At six I prayed and sang with them all together. The Ordinary
would read prayers, and preached most miserably. Mr. Sparks and Mr.
Broughton were present. I felt my heart full of tender love to the latter.
He administered. All the ten received. Then he prayed; and I after him.
At half-hour past nine their irons were knocked off, and their hands
tied. I went in a coach with Sparks, Washington, and a friend of
Newingten's (N. himself not being permitted). By half-hour past ten
we came to Tyburn, waited till eleven: then were brought the children
appointed to die. I got upon the cart with Sparks and Broughten: the
Ordinary endeavoured to follow, when the poor prisoners begged he
might not come; and the mob kept him down.
I prayed first, then Sparks and Broughton. We had prayed before that
our Lord would show there was a power superior to the fear of death.
Newington had quite forgot his pain. They were all cheerful; full of
comfort, peace, and triumph; assuredly persuaded Christ had died for
them, and wanted to receive them into paradise. Greenaway was
impatient to be with Christ..
The Black had spied me coming out of the coach, and saluted me with
his looks. As often as his eyes met mine, he smiled with the most
composed, delightful countenance I ever saw. Read caught hold of my
hand in a transport of joy. Newington seemed perfectly pleased.
Hudson declared he was never better, or more at ease, in mind and
body. None showed any natural terror of death: no fear, or crying, or tears. All expressed their desire of our following them to paradise. I
never saw such calm triumph, such incredible indifference to dying.
We song several hymns; particularly, "Behold the Saviour of mankind,
Nail'd to the shameful tree;" and the hymn entitled, "Faith in Christ,"
which concludes, "A guilty, weak, and helpless worm, Into thy hands I
fall: Be thou my life, my righteousness, My Jesus, and my all."
We prayed Him, in earnest faith, to receive their spirits. I could do
nothing but rejoice: kissed Newington and Hudson; took leave of each
in particular. Mr. Broughton bade them not be surprised when the cart
should draw away. They cheerfully replied, they should not; expressed
some concern how we should get back to our coach. We left them
going to meet their Lord, ready for the Bridegroom. When the cart
drew off, not one stirred, or struggled for life, but meekly gave up their
spirits. Exactly at twelve they were turned off. I spoke a few suitable
words to the crowd; and returned, full of peace and confidence in our
friends' happiness. That hour under the gallows was the most blessed
hour of my life.
At Mr. Bray's we renewed our triumph. I found my brother and sister
Lambert there, and preached to them the Gospel of forgiveness, which
they received without opposition.
Thur., July 20th. At morning prayers in Islington. I had some serious
conversation with Mr. Stonehouse, the Vicar. I brought him home with
me from evening prayers.
Fri., July 21st. Mr. Robson came; and received the strange doctrine of
faith with surprising readiness. At night many joined us in prayer and
praise. Brother Edrounds bore his testimony: so did two others, who
had received the blessing of pardon, in hearing my sermon upon, "The
voice of one crying in the wilderness, Prepare ye the way of the Lord."
Another stood up, (lately a notorious sinner,) and declared the same.
We continued till eleven, praying, and praising God.
Sat., July 22nd. Mr. Robson confessed he did believe there was such a
faith, but it was impossible for him to obtain it; and it must necessarily
bring on a persecution. We continued pleading the promises for him:
he was greatly moved, and grew stronger and stronger in hope. I was