The-Journal-of-Charles-Wesley (continued)
65. I felt every word of it for my friend, particularly, "Thou that hearest the prayer, unto thee shall all flesh come. Blessed is the man whom thou choosest and receivest unto thee: he shall dwell in thy court, and shall be satisfied with the plenteousness of thy house, even of thy holy temple. Thou shalt show us wonderful things in thy righteousness, O
God of our salvation, thou that art the hope of all the ends of the earth," &c.
Seeing the great confidence of Mr. Bray, and the deep humility of Mr.
Piers, I began to think the promise would be fulfilled before we left the room. My fellow-worker with God seemed full of faith and the Holy
Ghost, and told him, "If you can but touch the hem of his garment, you shall be made whole." We prayed for him a third time, the Spirit greatly helping our infirmities, and then asked if he believed. He answered," Yes:" the Spirit witnessing with our spirits, that his heart was as our heart. Bray said, "I now know of a truth that Christ is in you." We were all filled with joy; returned thanks, and prayed for a blessing on his ministry; and then brought him down in triumph. Miss
Betsy was greatly strengthened hereby, and bold to confess "she believed." All her speech now was, "I only hope that I shall never lose this comfort."
The day was spent in prayer and conference. Mrs. Piers was, with all ease, convinced of unbelief. After supper I discoursed on faith from the lesson. The poor servants received the word gladly.
Sun., June 11th. While Mr. Piers was preaching upon death, I found great joy in feeling myself willing, or rather desirous, to die. After prayers we joined in intercession for Mr. and Mrs. Delamotte; then for poor Hetty: I received much comfort in reading Luther.
We took coach for church. In singing I observed Hetty join with a mixture of fear and joy. I earnestly prayed, and expected she should meet with something to confirm her in the service. Both the Psalms and lessons were full of consolation.
We adjourned to Mr. Piers, and joined in prayer for a poor woman in despair, one Mrs. Searl, whom Satan had bound these many years. I saw her pass by in the morning, and was touched with a sense of her misery. After pleading his promise of being with us to the end of the world, we went down to her in the name of Jesus. I asked her, whether she thought God was love; and not anger, as Satan would persuade her.
Then I preached the Gospel, which she received with all imaginable eagerness. When we had for some time continued together in prayer, she rose up another creature, strongly and explicitly [declaring] her faith in the blood of Christ, and full persuasion that she was accepted in the Beloved. Hetty then declared, that she could not but believe
Christ died for her, even for her. We gave thanks for both, with much exultation and triumph.
After family prayer I expounded the lesson, and, going up to my chamber, asked the maid (Mary) how she found herself. She answered, "O, Sir, what you said was very comfortable, how that Christ was made sin for me, that I might be made the righteousness of God in him; that is, he was put in my place, and I in his." "Do you then believe this, that Christ died for you?" "Yes, I do believe it; and I found myself so as I never did before, when you spoke the word." "But do you find within yourself, that your sins are forgiven?" "Yes, I do." These and the like answers, which she made with great simplicity, convinced me, that faith had come to her by hearing. We joined in giving glory to God; for we perceived and confessed it was his doing. It pleased him likewise to bless me with a deep and hitherto unknown dread of ascribing anything to myself.
Mon., June 12th. This morning Mrs. Piers told me, she had always doubted her having true faith; but now declared with tears, she was convinced her sins were forgiven, and she did believe indeed. We all went to Mrs. Searl, in strong temptation, nothing doubting but we should see the power of Christ triumphing over that of Satan. The enemy had got no advantage over her, though he had laboured all night to trouble and confound her. As often as she named the name of Jesus, he was repelled, and her soul at peace. We were much edified by her deep humility, and preached the Gospel to her and her husband, who received it readily. After prayer she rose with, "How shall I be thankful enough to my Saviour". We parted in a triumphant hymn.
Tues., June 13th. Mr. Piers was sent for to a dying woman. She was in despair, "having done so much evil, and so little good." He declared to her the glad tidings of salvation, that as all her good, were it ten thousand times more, could never save her, so all her evil could never hurt her, - if she could repent and believe; if she could lay hold on Christ by a living faith, and look for salvation by grace only. This was comfort indeed. She gladly quitted her own merits for Christ's; the Holy Ghost wrought faith in her heart, which she expressed in a calm, cheerful, triumphant expectation of death. Her fears and agonies were at an end. Being justified by faith, she had peace with God; and only entered farther into her rest, by dying a few hours after. The spectators were melted into tears. She calmly passed into the heavenly
Canaan, and has there brought up a good report of her faithful Pastor, who, under Christ, hath saved her soul from death.
These were the first-fruits of his ministry; and I find him strengthened hereby, and more assured that the Gospel is the power of God unto salvation, to every one that believes. In the evening Mr. Delamotte returned.
Wed., June 14th. After morning prayer in the little chapel, I kept
Hannah from going, that we might first pray for her: but we quickly found there was greater cause of thanksgiving. She told me she was reading a collect last night, which gave her vast pleasure: "Almighty
God, whom truly to know is eternal life, grant us perfectly to know thy
Son Jesus Christ, to be the way, the truth, and the life." "To be sure, Sir," said she, "I found myself so easy immediately, that I cannot tell you." A few questions fully satisfied us, that she was a true believer.
Poor Hetty was tempted to imagine she did not believe, because she had not been affected exactly in the same manner with others. We used a prayer for her, and parted.
On the road I overtook Frank, and asked what he thought of these things. He answered, "I was greatly delighted with one thing you said, how that Christ was made sin for us, that we might be made the righteousness of God in him." Upon farther examination I found him manifestly in the faith. We talked and rejoiced together, till we came to Eltham. He there left me, resolved to publish everywhere what things
Jesus had done for him.
The coach was filled with young ladies. I was forced to leave off reading, that I might interrupt their scandal. At London I was informed that my brother was gone with Mr. Ingham and Tilchig, to Hernhuth. The news surprised, but did not disquiet, me.
Thur., June 15th. I was sent for to baptize a child. It gave me occasion to speak upon faith. One of the company was full of self-righteousness.
The rest were more patient of the truth, being only gross sinners.
Fri., June 16th. After dinner Jack Delamotte came for me. We took coach; and by the way he told me, that when we were last together at Blendon, in singing, "Who for me, for me hast died," he found the words sink into his soul; could have sung for ever, being full of delight and joy: since then has thought himself led as it were in everything; feared nothing so much as offending God; could pray with life; and, in a word, found that he did indeed believe in the Lord Jesus.
I was in the coach with Miss Delamotte. While it stopped I got out to reprove a man for swearing. He thanked me most heartily. We took up
Hetty at Blendon, and went on to Bexley.
The next day (Sat., June 17th) we saw, and prayed with, Mrs. Searl, to our mutual encouragement. Mr. Searl heard us gladly. The afternoon we passed with our friends at Blendon. Here I was stopped by the return of my pain, and forced to bed. Desires of death continually rose in me, which I laboured to check, not daring to form any wish concerning it.
Sun., June 18th. The pain abated; and the next day left me.
Wed., June 21st. I was concerned at having been here several days, and done nothing. I preached forgiveness to Mr. Piers's man, who seemed well disposed for receiving it, by a true simplicity. We prayed together, and went to public prayers. In the second lesson was the paralytic healed. I came home with the Miss Delamottes, Mrs. Searl, and the man, who declared before us all, that God had given him faith by hearing the sick of the palsy healed. We returned hearty thanks.
The Lord gave us more matter for thanksgiving at Blendon, where I read my brother's sermon on faith. When it was over, the gardener declared, faith had come to him by hearing it, and he had no doubt of his sins being forgiven. "Nay, was I to die just now," he added, "I know I should be accepted through Christ Jesus."
Thur., June 22nd. I comforted Hetty, under a strong temptation, because she was not in all points affected like other believers, especially the poor; who have generally a much larger degree of confidence than the rich and learned. I had a proof of this to-day at Mr.
Searl's, where, meeting a poor woman, and convincing her of unbelief, I used a prayer for her, that God who hath chosen the poor of this world to be rich in faith, would now impart to her his unspeakable gift. In the midst of the prayer she received it; avowed it openly, and increased visibly therein.
In the evening we had a meeting at Mr. Piers's, and read my brother's sermon. God set his seal to the truth of it, by sending his Spirit upon Mr. Searl, and a maid-servant, purifying their hearts by faith. This occasioned our triumphing in the name of Jesus our God.
Fri., June 23rd. I attended Mr. Piers to a poor old woman, whom he could never prevail upon to go to church. I expected we should be called to preach the law; but found her ready for the Gospel, and glad to exchange her merits for Christ's. The evening we passed among our little flock, and parted full of comfort, and peace, and joy.
Sat., June 24th. Riding to Blendon in the morning, I met William
Delamotte, just come from Cambridge. He had left town well-disposed to the obedience of faith; but now I observed his countenance altered.
He had been strongly prejudiced by the good folk at London. At Blendon I found Mr. Delamotte, not over-cordial, yet civil: met letters from my mother, heavily complaining of my brother's forsaking her, and requiring me to accept of the first preferment that offered, on pain of disobedience. This a little disquieted me. I was not much comforted by William Delamotte; but extremely moved for him, and could not refrain from tears. His sisters joined us. I began preaching faith, and free grace. His objection was, that it was unjust in God to make sinners equal with us, who had laboured perhaps many years.
We proposed singing an hymn. He saw the title, "Faith in Christ," and owned he could not bear it.
In our way to church, I again proclaimed to him the, glad tidings of salvation. He was exceeding heavy, and, by his own confession, miserable; yet could he not receive this saying, "We are justified freely by faith alone." The lesson comforted me concerning him. "Behold, I will send my messenger, and he shall prepare the way before me: and the Lord, whom ye seek, shall suddenly come to his temple, even the messenger of the covenant, whom ye delight in: behold, he shall come, saith the Lord." To all such as think it hard to lose the merit of their good works, the Scripture spake as follows: "Your words have been stout against me, saith the Lord: yet ye say, What have we spoken so much against thee? Ye have said, It is vain to serve God: and what profit is it that we have kept his ordinances, and that we have walked mournfully before the Lord of hosts."
Sun., June 25th. I stayed to preach faith to Mrs. Delamotte, whom Providence brought home yesterday, I trust, for that very purpose. I was so faint and full of pain, that I had not power to speak: but I had no sooner begun my sermon than all my weakness vanished. God gave me strength and boldness: and after an hour's speaking, I found myself perfectly well. I went and accosted Mrs, Delamotte in her pew: just as shy as I expected. Let it work: God look to the event!
After evening prayer, she just spake to me: Betsy wondered she could bring herself to it. My sermon (I heard) occasioned much disturbance to more than her. M. Sear at night was full of triumph.
Men., June 26th. I waited upon Mrs. Delamotte, expecting what happened. She fell abruptly upon my sermon, for the false doctrine therein. I answered, "I staked my all upon the truth of it." She went on, 148 "It is hard people must have their children seduced in their absence, If every one must have your faith, what will become of all the world.
Have you this assurance, Mr. Piers" "Yes, Madam, in some degree: I thank God for it." "I am sorry to hear it." One of the company cried, "I am glad to hear it, and bless God for him, and wish all mankind had it too."
She moved for reading a sermon of Archbishop Sharp's, Piers read. We excepted continually to his unscriptural doctrine. Much dispute ensued. She accused my brother with preaching an instantaneous faith. "As to that," I replied, "we cannot but speak the things which we have seen and heard. I received it in that manner; as have above thirty others in my presence." She started up, said she could not bear it, and ran out of the house. William protested against her behaviour. In the beginning, I had found the old man rise; but I grew calmer and calmer, he longer we talked. Glory be to God through Christ! I offered to go, but they would not let me. Betsy went and at last prevailed upon her to come in. Nothing more was said, At six I took my leave. Poor
Hannah and Mary came to the door, and caught hold of my hand.
Hannah cried, "Don't be discouraged, Sir: I hope we shall all continue steadfast." I could not refrain from tears. Hetty came in: I exhorted her to persevere. I took horse. William seemed much better disposed than his mother; promised to come and see me the next day. I joined with Mr. Piers in singing, "Shall I, for fear of feeble man, Thy Spirit's course in me restrain?" and in hearty prayer for Mrs. Delamotte.
Tues., June 27th. Calling upon poor Goody Dickenson, I asked, if she had now forgiveness. "Yes," said she, "I received it in the midst of your sermon." "Do you then believe Christ died for you in particulars?" "Yes, to be sure: I must believe it, if I would not deny the Scripture."
She expressed strong confidence in God; appeared full of love to two beggars that called; believed she should be saved, if she died just now; would come to church, if all in rags. In short, she left me no reason to doubt, but that she was taken in at the eleventh hour, being now near fourscore.
Coming back to Mr. Pier's, I found W. Delamotte. I was full of hope for him. he told me he had wrote two sheets against the truth; but in seeking after more texts, had met one that quite spoiled it all. "Not but works of righteousness which we have done, but according to his mercy he saved us." This convinced him; and immediately he burnt all he had wrote. I asked what it was he still stuck at. "Nothing" said he, "but God's giving faith instantaneously." I replied, that alone hindered his receiving it just now; no more preparation being absolutely necessary thereto, than what God is pleased to give.
We were directed to many apposite scriptures, particularly Luke 7:47: "Wherefore I say unto thee, Her sins, which are many, are forgiven."
John 20:27, 28: "Then said he to Thomas, Reach hither thy finger, and behold my hands; and reach hither thy hand, and thrust it into my side: and be not faithless, but believing. And Thomas answered and said unto him, My Lord and my God."
We went to prayers, pleaded the promises for him with great earnestness and tears: then read 2 These. 1:11, 12: "Wherefore also we pray always for you, that our God would count you worthy of this calling, and fulfil all the good pleasure of his goodness, and the work of faith with power: that the name of our Lord Jesus Christ may be glorified in you, and ye in him, according to the grace of our God and the Lord Jesus Christ." I observed the workings of God strong upon him, and prayed again. Then read the scriptures that first offered: -
Titus 3:5: "Not by works of righteousness which we have done," &c.
(The very text that stopped him in the morning.) Amos 4:12: "Because
I will do this to thee, prepare to meet thy God." Psalm 38:6: "God setteth the solitary in families, he bringeth out those which are bound with chains:" and lastly, Psalm 66:20: "Blessed be God, which hath not turned away my prayer, nor hls mercy from me."
While we were praying, and singing, and reading, alternately, a poor man, one Mr. Heather, came to talk with me. He had heard and liked the sermon upon faith. I asked him whether he had faith. "No."
Whether forgiveness of sins. "No." Whether there was or could be any good in him till he believed. "No." "But do you think Christ cannot give you faith and forgiveness in this hour?" "Yes, to be sure he can." "And do you believe his promise, that when two of his disciples shall agree upon earth, as touching anything they shall ask of him, he will give it them?" "I do." "Why, then, here is our Minister, and I agree to ask faith 150 for you." "Then I believe I shall receive it before I go out of the room."
We went to prayer directly; pleaded the promise; and rising, asked him whether he believed. His answer was, "Yes, I do believe with all my heart. I believe Christ died for my sins. I know they are all forgiven.
I desire only to love him. I would suffer anything for him: could lay down my life for him this moment." I turned to my scholar, and said, "Do you now believe that God can give faith instantaneously" He was too full to speak; but told me afterwards, he envied the unopposing ignorance and simplicity of the poor, and wished himself that illiterate carpenter.
Next day I returned to town, rejoicing that God had added to his living church seven more souls through my ministry. "Not unto me, O Lord, not unto me, but to thy name be the praise, for thy loving-mercy, and for thy truth's sake." I had hopes of seeing greater things than these, from a scripture He this day directed me to: Luke 5:9: "For he was astonished, and all that were with him, at the draught of fishes which they had taken."
I went to Mr. Sims's, in expectation of Christ. Several of our friends were providentially brought thither. We joined in singing and prayer.
The last time we prayed, I could not leave off, but was still forced to go on. I rose at last, and saw Mr. Chapman still kneeling. I opened the book, and read aloud, "And, behold, a woman, which was diseased with an issue of blood twelve years, came behind him, and touched the hem of his garment: for she said within herself, If I may but touch his garment, I shall be whole. And Jesus turned him about, and when he saw her, he said, Daughter, be of good comfort; thy faith hath made thee whole. And the woman was made whole from that hour." My heart burned within me, while I was reading: at the same time I heard him cry out, with great struggling, "I do believe." We lifted him up; for he had not power to rise of himself, being quite helpless, exhausted, and in a profuse sweat. An old believer among us owned himself affected with a wonderful sympathy. We had the satisfaction of seeing
Mr. Chapman increase in faith; and returned most hearty thanks to the God of his and our salvation.
Thur., June 29th. Miss Suky Claggett called, and to my no small comfort informed me of her sister's lately receiving faith. She likewise brought me an invitation from her mother. Mrs. Turner would have sent for her, (Miss B. Claggett,) but I would not suffer it; that I might have no hand at all in the matter. I sat down to write; when Miss Betsy came for me. We joined in thanksgiving for her, and intercession for her mother; and then took coach. Mrs. Turner made the fourth.
I sought to the oracle for direction, and was much strengthened by the answer, from Acts 10:29: "Therefore came I unto you without gainsaying, as soon as I was sent for: I ask therefore for what intent ye have sent for me" What makes it more remarkable is, that it is St.
Peter's day. We all conceived great hopes of Mrs. Claggett. I found her very courteous, well-disposed, emptied of herself. We sang, and at her desire prayed together. She freely confessed how greatly she had been prejudiced against the truth; but was thoroughly satisfied by my reading the sermon. I prayed after it, without much affection; again with more; and the third time strongly moved. I knew that she believed. I believed for her. The Scripture gave the strongest testimony of it. At first she said, she must not presume to say she believed; but grew more and more confirmed. I left her, in confidence God would soon clear up his own work in her soul, beyond all doubt or contradiction. Soon after, to keep me from being lifted up, the messenger of Satan was suffered to buffet me.
Fri., June 30th. Thanks be to God, the first thing I felt to-day was a fear of pride, and desire of love. Betsy Delamotte called, and gave me the following letter: - "Dear Sir, - God hath heard your prayers. Yesterday, about twelve, He put his fiat to the desires of his distressed servant; and, glory be to Him, I have enjoyed the fruits of his Holy Spirit ever since. The only uneasiness I feel is, want of thankfulness and love for so unspeakable a gift. But I am confident of this also, that the same gracious Hand which hath communicated, will communicate even unto the end.
"I am your sincere friend in Christ, "W. DELEMOTTE.
"O my friend, I am free indeed! I agonized some time betwixt darkness and light; but God was greater than my heart, and burst the cloud, and broke down the partition-wall, and opened to me the door of faith."
In reading this, I felt true thankfulness, and was quite melted down with God's goodness to my friend.
I followed his guidance in the afternoon to Mr. Sim's. We spent the time as usual. Mrs. Chapman called; said she could not stay; yet stayed prayers. I was much assisted: rose, and asked her whether she believed. "I do not know but I do; for I never found myself so in my life; so strangely warmed! I seem to have a fire within me. I thought, while kneeling down, 'How could I expect to receive faith, when so many better than I were here?' It then came into my mind, that I had left my money upon the stall; but God, thought I, could take care of it, or give me a better thing." We concluded the day with prayer at Mr.
Bray's.
Sat., July 1st. I was again at Mrs. Claggett's. The eldest daughter and Mrs. Claggett joined us. I related the cure of the lame girl at Bath. She rejoiced to hear a person might have faith, and have it long obscured by worldly cares, yet not lost: said the maid's case was hers; professed her now believing, and owned the darkness she had long lain under, a just punishment for her not giving God the glory. We sang, and rejoiced together, and went to the house of God as friends. In the lesson He related his past kindness to her. "And he was teaching in one of the synagogues on the Sabbath-day. And, behold, there was a woman which had a spirit of infirmity eighteen years, and was bowed together, and could in no wise lift up herself. And when Jesus saw her, he called her to him, and said unto her, Woman, thou art loosed from thine infirmity. And he laid his hands on her: and immediately she was made straight, and glorified God." Mrs. Claggett was deeply affected; and told me afterwards, that her not following the woman's example of glorifying God, had occasioned all the troubles of her life: but she was now resolved, as far as in her lay, to repair her past unfaithfulness.
At Mr. Sims's I was extremely averse to prayer; would fain have stole away without it: but Mr. Bray stopped me, saying, my deadness could not hinder God, and forced me to pray. I had scarce begun, when l was quite melted down, and prayed more fervently than ever before. A poor man, who came in at the beginning of the prayer, now confessed his faith before us all, being full of joy and triumph. "He never found himself so before; knew his sins were forgiven; could gladly die that moment."
Sun., July 2nd. Being to preach this morning for the first time, I received strength for the work of the ministry, in prayer and singing.
The whole service at Basingshaw was wonderfully animating, especially the Gospel concerning the miraculous draught of fishes. I preached salvation by faith to a deeply attentive audience: I gave the cup.
Observing a woman full of reverence, I asked her if she had forgiveness of sins. She answered, with great sweetness and humility, "Yes, I know it now that I have forgiveness."
I preached again at London-Wall, without fear or weariness. As I was going into the church, a woman caught hold of my hand, and blessed me most heartily, telling me she had received forgiveness of sins while I was preaching in the morning.
In the evening we met, a troop of us, at Mr. Slms's. There was one Mrs.
Harper there, who had this day in like manner received the Spirit, by the hearing of faith; but feared to confess it. We sung the hymn to Christ. At the words, "Who for me, for me hath died," she burst out into tears and outcrles, "I believe, I believe!" and sunk down. She continued, and increased in the assurance of faith; full of peace, and joy, and love.
We sang and prayed again. I observed one of the maids run out, and, following, found her full of tears, and joy, and love. I asked what ailed her. She answered, as soon as joy would let her, that "Christ died for her!" She appeared quite overpowered with his love.
Mon., July 3rd. I had some discourse with my friendly namesake, Charles Rivington. I begged him to suspend his judgement, till he heard me preach.
Tues., July 4th. I received a letter from my brother at Tiverton, full of heavy charges. At Mr. Sparks's I found Jephtha Harris. I convinced him so far, that he owned he had been prejudiced against the truth; and had not faith. I carried him to Mr. Bray's; prayed over him, and pleaded the promises. All were much affected.
I corrected a sermon of Mr. Sparks's on justification. Took coach for Bexley. In the way I was enabled to pray for my brother. I heard a good account of Mrs. Delamotte, that she was almost beat out of her own righteousness.
Honest Frank made one of our congregation this evening, and gave a comfortable account of the little flock at Blendon. I received a fuller from Hetty; informing me that her mother was convinced of unbelief, and much ashamed of her behaviour towards me.
Wed., July 5th. William Delamotte came, and rejoiced with me for all
God had done. We brought a woman home from church, and laboured hard to convince her she deserved hell. Another confessed her having received forgiveness of sins in sickness.
Fri., July 7th. Mrs. Delamotte followed me from church, sent for me down, hoped she did not interrupt me. Her third sentence was, "Well, Mr. Wesley, are you still angry with me?" "No, Madam," I answered, "nor ever was. Before I gave myself time to consider, I was myself so violent against the truth, that I know to make allowance for others."
Here we came to a full explanation; produced the scriptures which prove our justification by faith only, the witness of the Spirit, &c. By these, and an excellent sermon of Bishop Beveridge's on the subject, she seemed thoroughly convinced. All she stuck at was, the instantaneousness of faith, or, in other words, the possibility of any one's perceiving when the life of faith first began.
She carried me in her coach to Blendon, where the poor servants were overjoyed to see me once more. While we were praying for her, she sent for me up to her closet. I found her quite melted into an humble, contrite, longing frame of spirit. She showed me several prayers attesting the true faith, especially that of Bishop Taylor: "I know, O
Blessed Jesus, that thou didst take upon thee my nature, that thou mightest suffer for my sins; that thou didst suffer to deliver me from them, and from thy Father's wrath. And I was delivered from his wrath, that I might serve thee, in holiness and righteousness all my days. Lord, I am as sure thou didst the great work of redemption for me, and for all mankind, as that I am alive. This is my hope, the strength of my spirit, my joy, and my confidence. And do thou never let the spirit of unbelief enter into me, and take me from this rock. Here I will dwell; for I have a delight therein. Here I will live, and here I desire to die."
She asked me what she could do more, being convinced of her want of faith, and not able to give it herself. I preached the freeness of the grace, and betook myself to prayer for her, labouring, sighing, looking for the witness of the Spirit, the fulness of the promises, in her behalf.
I conjured her to expect continually the accomplishment of the promise, and not think her confessed unworthiness any bar. Next morning I returned to town.
Sun., July 9th. I preached my brother's sermon upon faith at, and a second time in St. Sepulchre's vestry. In walking home with Mrs.
Barton, I said, "Surely there must be something which you are not willing to give up, or God would have given you comfort before now."
She answered only by her tears. After praying for her at Mr. Bray's, I lay down; rose; stopped her going home, and carried her with James and Mrs. Turner from the company to pray. After prayer, in which I was much assisted, I found her under a great concern, trembling, and cold; longing, yet dreading, to say "she believed." We prayed again. She then said, with much struggling, "Lord, I believe; help thou my unbelief." She repeated it several times, and gained strength by each repetition.
Mon., July 10th. At Mr. Sparks's request, I went with him, Mr. Bray, and Mr. Burnham, to Newgate; and preached to the ten malefactors, under sentence of death; but with a heavy heart. My old prejudices against the possibility of a death-bed repentance still hung upon me; and I could hardly hope there was mercy for those whose time was so short.
But in the midst of my languid discourse, a sudden spirit of faith came upon me, and I promised them all pardon, in the name of Jesus Christ, if they would then, as at the last hour, repent, and believe the Gospel.
Nay, I did believe they would accept of the proffered mercy, and could not help telling them, "l had no doubt hut God would give me every soul of them."
In going to Mr. Chapman's I met Margaret Beutiman, and bade her follow, for we were several of us to join in prayer there. James Hutton, Mr. Holland, Mr. and Mrs. Sims got thither soon after us. We sang, and pleaded the promises. In the midst of prayer, Margaret received the atonement, and professed her faith without wavering; her love to Christ, and willingness to die that moment. We returned thanks for her, and I then offered to go. They pressed me to stay a little longer: I did so, and heard Mrs. Storer, a Sister of Mr. Bray's, complain of the hardness of her heart. She owned she had been under the utmost uneasiness, since our last meeting at her brother's, unable to pray, or find any rest to her soul. While we were singing the hymn to the Father, she did find the rest she sighed after; was quite pierced, as she said, her heart ready to burst, and her whole nature overpowered. We went to prayers, and then opened the scripture, "I thank thee, O
Father, Lord of heaven and earth, that thou hast hid these things from the wise and prudent, and hast revealed them unto babes." She then was strengthened to profess her faith, and increased in peace and joy.
As we walked, she said she could not have conceived how these things could he; what the change was which we spoke of. Her faith was farther confirmed by public prayer; and she continued all the evening full of comfort, and peace that passeth all understanding.
Tues., July 11th. I preached with earnestness to the prisoners from the second lesson. One or two of them were deeply affected. At Bray's I found a letter from W. Delamotte, and read, with joy and thankfulness, as follows: - "I cannot keep pace: the mercies of God come in so abundantly on our unworthy family, that I am not able to declare them. Yet, as they are his blessings through your ministry, I must inform you of them, as they will strengthen your hands, and prove helpers of your joy.
"Great, then, I believe, was the struggle between nature and grace in the soul of my mother; but God, who knoweth the very heart and reins, hath searched her out. Her spirit, like Naaman's flesh, is returned as that of a little child. She is converted, and Christ hath spoken peace to her soul. This work was begun in her the morning you left us, though she concealed it from you.
"When she waked, the following scripture was strongly suggested to her: 'Either what woman, having ten pieces of silver, if she lose one, doth not light a candle, and sweep the house, and seek diligently till she find it.' She rose immediately, took up Bishop Taylor, and opened upon a place which so strongly asserted this living faith, that she was fully convinced. But the enemy preached humility to her; that she could not deserve so great a gift. However, God still pursued, and she could not long forbear communicating the emotion of her soul to me.
We prayed, read, and conversed for an hour; the Lord made use of a mean instrument to convince her of her ignorance in the word.
Throughout that day her mind was more and more enlightened, till at length she broke out, 'Where have I been? I know nothing; I see nothing. My mind is all darkness. How have I opposed the Scripture!'
The tempter, thus enraged, excited all his powers to persuade her she was labouring after something that was not to be attained; but Christ suffered her not to fall. She flew to him in prayer and singing; and though Satan damped her much, yet could he not conquer her, because that which was conceived in her was of the Holy Ghost.
"She continued agonizing all the evening. But how can I utter the sequel The first object of her thoughts the next morning was Christ.
She saw him approaching; and seeing, loved, believed, adored. Her prayers drew him still nearer; and everything she saw concurred to hasten the embrace of her Beloved. Thus she continued in the Spirit till four; when, reading in her closet, she received the kiss of reconciliation. Her own soul could not contain the joys attending it.
She could not forbear imparting to her friends and neighbours that she had found the piece which she had lost. Satan in vain attempted to shake her; for she felt in herself, Faith's assurance, hope's increase, All the confidence of love.'"
Mr. Sparks this morning asked me whether I would preach for him at St. Helen's. I agreed to supply Mr. Broughtoffs place, who is now at Oxford, arming our friends against the faith. The pain in my side was very violent; but I looked up to Christ, and owned his healing power.
At the same time, that came into my mind, "Out of weakness were made strong." No sooner did I enter the coach than the pain left me, and I preached faith in Christ to a vast congregation, with great boldness, adding much extempore.
After sermon, Mrs. Hind, with whom Mr. Broughton lodges, sent for me; owned her agreement to the doctrine, and pressed me to come and talk with Mr. Broughton, who, she could not but believe, must himself agree to it.
From her I went to Mr. Sims, and found that God had set his seal to my ministry; Mr. Dandy and Miss Branford declaring, faith had come to them by hearing me. We rejoiced, and gave thanks from the ground of the heart.
Wed., July 12th. I preached at Newgate to the condemned felons, and visited one of them in his cell, sick of a fever; a poor black that had robbed his master. I told him of one who came down from heaven to save lost sinners, and him in particular; described the sufferings of the Son of God, his sorrows, agony, and death. He listened with all the signs of eager astonishment; the tears trickled down his cheeks while he cried, "What! was it for me? Did God suffer all this for so poor a creature as me?" I left him waiting for the salvation of God.
In the evening Mr. Washington of Queen's came to dispute with me. I simply testified my want of faith three months ago, and my having it now; asked whether he could lay down his life for the truth of his being in the faith; whether he allowed Christ to be as really present in the believing soul, as in the third heavens; told him he was yet in his sins, and knew nothing, and begged him to pray for direction.
Thur., July 13th. I read prayers and preached at Newgate, and administered the sacrament to our friends, with five of the felons. I was much affected and assisted in prayer for them; and exhorted them with great comfort and confidence.
Fri., July 14th. I received the sacrament from the Ordinary; spake strongly to the poor malefactors; and to the sick Negro in the condemned hole, moved by his sorrow and earnest desire of Christ
Jesus.
Sat., July 15th. I preached there again with an enlarged heart; and rejoiced with my poor happy Black; who now believes the Son of God loved him, and gave himself for him.
Sun. July 16th. Metcalf and Savage came: the latter received faith on Friday night, in prayer, and is now filled with comfort, peace, and joy. I took coach with Metcalf; preached the threefold state with boldness; gave the sacrament. I went thence to Mrs. Claggett's; sang, rejoiced, and gave thanks, in behalf of both the maids, now added to the church by true divine faith. Mr. Claggett coming in by mistake, we laid hold on and carried him with us to Black-Friars. Very weak and faint, yet was I strengthened to preach for above an hour. I was carried to bed full of pain, expecting my fever; yet believing it could not return, unless it were best.
Mon., July 17th. I rose free from pain. At Newgate I preached on death (which they must suffer the day after to-morrow). Mr. Sparks assisted in giving the sacrament.
Another Clergyman was there. Newington asked me to go in the coach with him. At one I was with the Black in his cell; James Hutton assisting. Two more of the malefactors came. I had great help and power in prayer. One rose, and said, he felt his heart all on fire, so as he never found himself before; he was all in a sweat; believed Christ died for him. I found myself overwhelmed with the love of Christ to sinner. The Black was quite happy. The other criminal was in an excellent temper; believing, or on the point of it. I talked with another, concerning faith in Christ: he was greatly moved. The Lord, I trust, will help his unbelief also.
I joined at Bray's with Hutton, Holland, Burton, in fervent prayer and thanksgiving. At six I carried Bray and Fish to Newgate again, and talked chiefly with Hudson and Newington. He declared he had felt, some time ago in prayer, inexpressible joy and love; but was much troubled at its being so soon withdrawn. The Lord gave power to pray.
They were deeply affected. We have great hopes of both.
Tues., July 18th. The Ordinary read prayers and preached. I administered the sacrament to the Black, and eight more; having first instructed them in the nature of it. I spake comfortably to them afterwards.
In the cells, one told me, that whenever he offered to pray, or had a serious thought, something came and hindered him; was with him almost continually; and once appeared. After we had prayed for him in faith, he rose amazingly comforted, full of joy and love; so that we could not doubt his having received the atonement.
At night I was locked in with Bray in one of the cells. We wrestled in mighty prayer. All the criminals were present; and all delightfully cheerful. The soldier, in particular, found his comfort and joy increase every moment. Another, from the time he communicated, has been in perfect peace. Joy was visible in all their faces. We sang,
"Behold the Saviour of mankind,
Nail'd to the shameful tree!
How vast the love that him inclined
To bleed and die for thee," &c.
It was one of the most triumphant hours I have ever known. Yet on Wed., July 19th, I rose very heavy, and backward to visit them for the last time. At six I prayed and sang with them all together. The Ordinary would read prayers, and preached most miserably. Mr. Sparks and Mr.
Broughton were present. I felt my heart full of tender love to the latter.
He administered. All the ten received. Then he prayed; and I after him.
At half-hour past nine their irons were knocked off, and their hands tied. I went in a coach with Sparks, Washington, and a friend of Newingten's (N. himself not being permitted). By half-hour past ten we came to Tyburn, waited till eleven: then were brought the children appointed to die. I got upon the cart with Sparks and Broughten: the Ordinary endeavoured to follow, when the poor prisoners begged he might not come; and the mob kept him down.
I prayed first, then Sparks and Broughton. We had prayed before that our Lord would show there was a power superior to the fear of death.
Newington had quite forgot his pain. They were all cheerful; full of comfort, peace, and triumph; assuredly persuaded Christ had died for them, and wanted to receive them into paradise. Greenaway was impatient to be with Christ..
The Black had spied me coming out of the coach, and saluted me with his looks. As often as his eyes met mine, he smiled with the most composed, delightful countenance I ever saw. Read caught hold of my hand in a transport of joy. Newington seemed perfectly pleased.
Hudson declared he was never better, or more at ease, in mind and body. None showed any natural terror of death: no fear, or crying, or tears. All expressed their desire of our following them to paradise. I never saw such calm triumph, such incredible indifference to dying.
We song several hymns; particularly, "Behold the Saviour of mankind, Nail'd to the shameful tree;" and the hymn entitled, "Faith in Christ," which concludes, "A guilty, weak, and helpless worm, Into thy hands I fall: Be thou my life, my righteousness, My Jesus, and my all."
We prayed Him, in earnest faith, to receive their spirits. I could do nothing but rejoice: kissed Newington and Hudson; took leave of each in particular. Mr. Broughton bade them not be surprised when the cart should draw away. They cheerfully replied, they should not; expressed some concern how we should get back to our coach. We left them going to meet their Lord, ready for the Bridegroom. When the cart drew off, not one stirred, or struggled for life, but meekly gave up their spirits. Exactly at twelve they were turned off. I spoke a few suitable words to the crowd; and returned, full of peace and confidence in our friends' happiness. That hour under the gallows was the most blessed hour of my life.
At Mr. Bray's we renewed our triumph. I found my brother and sister
Lambert there, and preached to them the Gospel of forgiveness, which they received without opposition.
Thur., July 20th. At morning prayers in Islington. I had some serious conversation with Mr. Stonehouse, the Vicar. I brought him home with me from evening prayers.
Fri., July 21st. Mr. Robson came; and received the strange doctrine of faith with surprising readiness. At night many joined us in prayer and praise. Brother Edrounds bore his testimony: so did two others, who had received the blessing of pardon, in hearing my sermon upon, "The voice of one crying in the wilderness, Prepare ye the way of the Lord."
Another stood up, (lately a notorious sinner,) and declared the same.
We continued till eleven, praying, and praising God.
Sat., July 22nd. Mr. Robson confessed he did believe there was such a faith, but it was impossible for him to obtain it; and it must necessarily bring on a persecution. We continued pleading the promises for him: he was greatly moved, and grew stronger and stronger in hope. I was